Silly Drabble 16
"Hey teme, you do realize that no one likes you right?" Naruto asked one day out of the blue.
"What are you talking about, baka?" Sakura yelled. "Everyone loves Sasuke, stop being jealous."
"I'm not being jealous, I'm telling the truth." Naruto said. "No one really cares about Sasuke, they only care about his name, Uchiha. If he were anyone else, and he acted that way, people would be a lot less forgiving of his attitude. I've seen a couple of shinobi even glare at him when he got all uppity with them. Just ask Kakashi-sensei."
"That's not true." Sakura spat. "Tell him Kakashi-sensei."
"Actually, Naruto's right." Sasuke's eyes widened. "Your behavior and attitude are offensive, but people let it slide because you are the last Uchiha. There are many older ninja who would love the chance to take you down a peg, but because you have the favor of the civilian council, and the advisors of the Hokage, you can pretty much get away with being a little prick." Sasuke glared at his sensei. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but like Naruto, I'm calling it like I see it. Some of my former associates in Anbu are particularly annoyed with the special treatment."
"You wanna know what's really ironic?" Naruto grinned. "You hate your fangirls, but you only have them because of who you are. Isn't it fitting, that the thing you're so prideful about is the exact same thing that causes you to be swarmed by the thing you despise the most...after Itachi of course." The look that came across Sasuke's face had Naruto laughing for hours.
Silly Drabble 17
"Okay, this looks like a good place." Kakashi said. "We're going to set up camp here. Sakura, help Naruto pitch a tent for the client when the arrives."
"I believe she's already done that, Kakashi-senpai." Sai said. "And I'm pretty sure there's enough room for all of us." Both Kakashi and Sakura turned to Naruto, the latter glancing down and smiling.
"I see." The masked Jounin replied dryly.
"Hey, it's not my fault." Naruto said. "You're the one that had us in a formation that forced me to stare at Sakura-chan's tight, firm behind for an hour." Smirking to herself, Sakura told Naruto to create a Kage Bunshin to start the tent, before dragging him off into the woods. Had they been channeling chakra to their ears, or using any of a ridiculously large number of auditory eavesdropping techniques available to ninja, Kakashi and Sai likely would have heard the sounds of obscene slurping, followed by ones that resembled grunting and animalistic growls. Thirty-two minutes and some odd seconds after the two younger shinobi had vacated the premises, a loud pleasure filled scream echoed through the forest. Shortly after, the two noise makers returned, clothes slightly disheveled, Sakura with a slight limp, and Naruto with a small spring in his step. Seeing the two, Kakashi raised his single visible brow.
"Pages 234-251." Naruto said. Kakashi snatched his book out, flipped through the pages, then stared wide eyed at Naruto, then Sakura, then Naruto again. Kneeling, he began bowing to the blond. Sakura blushed at the comment, her former sensei's actions, and the feeling of fullness she still had. 'Oh well.' She thought. 'If I'm right, and Naruto is as consistent in bed as he is in battle, Hinata is going to have some company waddling around the village in a few months. I just hope she isn't too angry,' Little did Sakura know, it was Hinata who had encouraged Naruto to take her like a wanton slut. Naughty Nurse fantasies weren't restricted to guys, after all.
How Sasuke Saved the World...or, stupid people get lucky too.
Warning: Everything and everyone featured in this is likely out of character.
Sasuke gets a little to big for his britches, and somehow kills Madara. Believing that his new almighty Sharingan is all powerful, he releases the demons to help him with his revenge on Konoha. What no one told him, is that his eyes only work on the Kyuubi, and that's only because the beast's malevolence, hatred, rage, and superiority complex is very much like the Uchiha template, and because they are so much alike, the Ultimate Mangekyo can control him. The demons, who are very much disgruntled about being torn from their hosts (particularly the Nibi, Yonbi, Rokubi, and Shichibi who'd actually grown fond of the little apes), decided to take their anger out on the ones who imprisoned them.
Because Sasuke had decided to take Madara's cloak as a sign of conquest, he and the others were summarily disposed of by the demons. Nibi went back to Kumo, while Ichibi surprised everyone and said he was going back to the redheaded brat. He'd just started getting used to the concept of love, and was trying to be a good parent to the brat who'd referred to him as mother, when the cloaked bastards showed up. Shichibi went back to Waterfall, just because the people had been kind to her host, and she'd grown attached to the little insects. She was either unaware, or uncaring more likely, of the irony of that thought.
The rest of the demons, with nothing better to do decided on a general consensus...find a Senju to protect, and settle down. If nothing else, the clan always had someone fun to hang out with. They'd had a ball with Tobirama before the old stick in the mud had sent them all away; except Kyuubi who everyone knew he was fucking, nasty androgenous slut that (s)he was.
Silly Drabble 18
It has been implied that Naruto wasn't the creator of the Sexy no jutsu. What if that were true? What if there were two other users of the jutsu? What if it was created by the Second Hokage, and the scroll was discarded as Lucillia has theorized? What if Kushina found the scroll, and took it to knew heights by making it a true sex change transformation as I've theorized? What if Sarutobi found the scroll that Kushina used to improve the Nidaime's jutsu, and figured that the good of Naruto being able to finally learn the henge, outweighted the bad of putting a jutsu like that in the hands of Naruto? What if Naruto then did the same as his mother, improving on her work, by making it a true all around transformation, a true shapeshift, that made the henge obsolete? What if Naruto's kid got a hold of this jutsu, resulting in one of the most sinister creations ever...Loli no Jutsu?
"Hello, I'm Tika, I'm four. Could I kill you, mister?" A small girl asked the large, burly Jounin from Somewheregakure. He looked down to see a little girl that couldn't have been more than five giving him not only doe eyes, but had perfectly combined it with the S-ranked Kinjutsu Puppy Pout no Jutsu. Not only that, but the little cat ear head band was just too cute. "Please, I can' save my mommy an' daddy if I don' kill you. It's what the angry man said." The combined effects were already cracking his unflappible resolve, but when she added the crocodile tears on top of that, he was done for. Pulling a kunai from his own pouch, he handed it to the girl, and showed her how to make the kill.
"Okay little one, are you ready?" The girl nodded, tears still spilling from her eyes. With a flash, the man had a kunai lodged in his skull. He collapsed to the ground, and once the child had checked that he was dead, smirked.
"Works every time." She said, before removing the head, and sealing the body for the hunters to study.
888
After reporting in with the Hokage, the girl headed home. Stepping through the door, she found her parents on the couch snuggling.
"Hi mommy, hi daddy." The girl called, causing the man on the couch to shudder.
"Where have you been sweetie?" Hinata asked.
"Hokage-ji wanted me to get the bad man in Someplace no Kuni." Again, Naruto shuddered.
"Kenichi, I thought we discussed this already." Naruto, the former Rokudaime said. "You are not to use that creepy jutsu in the house."
"Sorry dad," A much older voice replied, before blushing, and being enveloped in smoke. What appeared was a young man of sixteen, with a lean build, blond streaked indigo hair, and the familiar milky monotone of the Byakugan, but with his father's eye color. The blue eyes of the Namikaze were a very strong trait after all; and not even a doujutsu gene could completely suppress it. "Well, I'm beat, good night." He called, heading to his room.
"I don't know what's more disturbing." Naruto said, snuggling into his wife's bountiful bosom, to try and alleviate the mental scarring his son had provided. "That he uses the jutsu, or that he's so convincing when using it. I swear, if I'd known my kids were going to change my Shapeshift Jutsu into such abominations, I'd have never made it."
"It's his way of honoring his baby sister." His wife of almost twenty years replied. Hinata glanced over to the small toddler sleeping on the couch whose form their son had used for his jutsu. Naruto again shuddered when he tried to imagine what his highly intelligent little girl would eventually do with that jutsu. He was convinced it would be something that made him feel like Ero-Sennin (a dirty old man); even moreso than the version his twelve year old twin daughters had created. Just thinking about his daughters' creation with the fox ears and tail (aptly named Foxy-chan no Jutsu) gave him a stir in certain places that made his stomach lurch, and skin crawl.
Small Timeline
-Naruto becomes Hokage around age nineteen.
-Naruto marries Hinata (who he'd been seeing for almost two years) soon after.
-They have their first child a year later.
-Naruto is Hokage for over a decade, until just after his thirtieth birthday, before retiring and appointing Konohamaru as his successor.
-Has twin daughters, and officially takes place on Shinobi Council.
-Kenichi Uzumaki learns and corrupts his father's Sexy Jutsu (age 11), and becomes the foremost assassin in the village when he develops the Loli no Jutsu four years later. No one can resist a combination of Hyuuga doe eyes, puppy pout, and crocodile tears. And that even counted the emotionless drones of that fossil Danzo. On a side note, Danzo is the only Konoha shinobi from that era still alive. Why the bed ridden old bastard is still trying to make himself Hokage, no one knows.
-Twin daughters corrupt the jutsu with fox ears and tails, and show their father, resulting in the conception of their baby sister. Cried for three days at the knowledge that his own children had turned him on to the point that he impregnated his wife.
-Sakura Uzumaki, named after the friend who died trying to foolishly retrieve her wayward crush, was born, and at the tender age of three is shaping up to be the next prodigy of the village.
foxychan no jutsu; take your pick, and erase the spaces
my picks *
http :/ gelbooru . com/index . php?page=post&s=view&id=824392
*http :/ gelbooru . com/index . php?page=post&s=view&id=466292
http :/ gelbooru . com/index . php?page=post&s=view&id=414171
*http :/ gelbooru . com/index . php?page=post&s=view&id=427552
http :/ gelbooru . com/index . php?page=post&s=view&id=435470
http :/ gelbooru . com/index . php?page=post&s=view&id=808880
Going to War...or not
In a rage over his brother, Raikage decides to declare war on Konoha for the Uchiha's actions, and the fact that they have not put him in check. That is, until Shikamaru points out the obvious.
"If you do not reign in your Uchiha, then we will be forced to declare war." The massive man growled.
"Your declaration of war is not accepted." Tsunade said to the man.
"Raikage-sama, if I may?" Shikamaru said. The man glared, but nodded. "Sasuke Uchiha was a Missing-nin of Konoha true, but he is no longer associated with our village. After leaving Konoha, he joined Orochimaru's Sound Village in Rice Country, officially becoming a Sound ninja. He's since then left them as well, becoming a Nuke-nin not from Konoha, but Oto. Your quarrel over his actions should be directed at them, not us." A dark skinned woman looking through files spoke up.
"It's true Raikage-sama." She said. "Officially, the Uchiha is linked to Oto now, not Konoha. That handsome little Naruto boy is the only one in Konoha really interested in bringing him back."
"Very well, Hokage-sama, I issue a formal apology, and ask your assistance in dealing with the Uchiha, and his village."
"Granted." She said with a grin.
The sad part is, Orochimaru had finally succeeded in taking over Kabuto, and was just getting things back under control.
This is a test...
"Okay Konoha, I propose a test." The twelve year old said. "If I can prove that I'm not the Kyuubi, will you stop treating me like I am?" One brave villager spoke up.
"How about we make a deal?" The man said. "If you can prove to us that you aren't the demon, then I'll let you have my daughter to do with whatever you want for a week." A certain pink haired girl gasped in shock at her father's words. "But if you can't, then you will turn yourself over to be executed." There were cheers from the crowd. They had the demon this time.
"Fine, but I don't think Sakura-chan agrees with your deal." Naruto said. Then, turning to the Hokage, Naruto asked. "Ojisan, about what time was the fox sealed?"
"Shortly after midnight on the eleventh of October." The old man replied.
"And about what time was I born?" Naruto asked.
"Your birth certificate says 11:19 p.m. on the tenth." The Hokage replied.
"So I was born less than an hour before the Kyuubi was sealed." Naruto replied. "The mere fact that the Kyuubi and I were both alive, on the same plane of existence, and at the same time proves that I am not the fox; nor am I the fox reborn; especiallly since I was born during the attack. That I was born less than an hour before the Kyuubi's attack was ended means that there is no possible way that I could have had anything to do with it. It also means that no, I did not have any say in the sealing either."" The man spluttered as he tried to come up with something, but the Hokage just smirked.
"Naruto may not be the fox, but he's certainly as crafty as any Kitsune." A man said, his nose buried in an orange book.
"Anbu, seize the girl, her service to Naruto starts immediately." The Hokage said. When Sakura was brought before Naruto, the crowd that had been dispersing to try and come to grips with things turned back. Maybe this would give them the ammo they needed to hate the boy again.
"Wh-what will y-you h-have me do m-m-master?" Sakura stuttered out. She knew of the boy's crush on her, and was fearful of just what he'd do, since he could do what he wished to her for a week, without any reprimand.
"Jeez Sakura-chan, you sound like that weird girl, Hinata." He said before grinning widely. "Well, since you've gotta do what I say for a week, I figure that I'll take full advantage of it." She visibly flinched. "Sakura Haruno, for the next week, you have to..." Here it was, the moment they'd been waiting for. "Help me with all that Academy stuff that I don't understand; especially Genjutsu, that's the worst." The people that knew Naruto as the person he was, smiled, the ones that didn't care sweat-dropped, and the haters face-faulted. That had come from so far out of left field. "You're pretty smart, so I think I should put that to good use, ne. I just found out that I learn whatever my Kage Bunshin does; since I can make like a hundred with no problem, I figure I can cut down on the time it takes." Giving a small sigh of relief, Sakura gave Naruto a smile, and nodded her acceptance of her task.
With one on one instruction, Naruto learns at a rate that puts even her and Sasuke-kun to shame. Sakura finds herself warming up to the blond, and even thinking of him in a fond manner. While she doubts she'll develop and return his feelings for her, she begins to see him as at least a friend.
Ulterior Motives
Hiashi informs Hinata that she will be married to a Noble in the Fire Country capital in a months time. She is also told that she must remain pure for the wedding. He knows of her feelings for Naruto, and Hiashi hopes this will encourage her to grow a spine, and pursue Uzumaki. She's 22, single, and still blushing around the blond. Hiashi tells the people he knows she'd go to for advice to encourage her to defy him, and tell him that she refuses the marriage. Anko, whose with Kurenai at the time advises her to fuck Naruto, since the marriage stipulates she be a virgin.
Hiashi is sitting at his desk sipping on a cup of tea, sighing at the notice from the capital. The noble's guards would be there to retrieve her in the morning.
"It would seem that my gamble did not pay off." Hiashi said, taking out the official notice to the Hokage that Hinata would be retiring from the shinobi forces, and that Hanabi would become the next in line. He was interrupted by a knock on his door. "Enter." He looked up to see his nephew Neji enter the room, his face redder than a tomato. "Are you alright Neji?"
"No uncle, I am not." Neji said. "I just learned things about Hinata-sama that I would have been happy not to." Hiashi's mind was whirling. The red to Neji's face as well as various other biological signs pointed to him having witnessed something that would embarrass him. The way he spoke, further confirmed this. Raising an eyebrow, he asked.
"Such as?" The boy shivered.
"That Naruto can bring out a side to her that I'd have preferred not to know existed." Dare he hope?
"And what was she doing with Uzumaki-san?" Hiashi asked.
"Making you a grandfather." Hiashi inwardly let out a giant sigh of relief. Outwardly, he nodded. "Have Uzumaki-san join you when you escort her home in the morning."
"Hiashi-sama?" Neji asked. While he knew that his uncle approved of the relationship, he didn't think he'd approve of pre-marital relations that resulted in pregnancy. "In the morning?"
"I didn't think you'd want to expose yourself to their...actions...any more than you already had." Hiashi said, allowing just the hint of a smirk to form. "Was I wrong?"
"I will inform them in the morning as you wish." Neji said quickly. Once he'd gone, Hiashi turned to the picture of his deceased wife, who seemed to be frowning in the candle light.
"I'm going to be in trouble when I finally join you, aren't I." He said, slumping back into his chair.
Karma is a motherfucker
Karma is a motherfucker. Danzo should have realized this the moment good fortune smiled upon him. After years of manipulation, blackmail, and backdoor politics (and unfortunately for some of the kunoichi under his command, this sometimes took on a more sexual meaning), Danzo had finally come into possession of the ultimate weapon...authoratative control over the sixteen year old Toad Sage/Kyuubi Jinchuuriki/Son of the Flash, Naruto Uzumaki. For Danzo, having Naruto in his Root was supposed to be all sunshine and daisies. Even if he wasn't the Hokage, he had the means to ensure that his will would be done. That idea goes to shit the very next day, for biology, the Kyuubi, and an odd set of circumstances combine to make life hell for the seedy bastard
The seal of the Yondaime was designed to absorb the Kyuubi as soon as Naruto's power exceeded that of the Kyuubi. There were several factors that had prevented this from happening. First, was that Naruto's own natural power was about a fourth of what the Kyuubi was capable of (more like half quantitatively, but given the potency of youki, it felt more like a fourth). There was also the fact that ever since the seal had been tampered with by Orochimaru, it had begun decaying and eroding the integrity of the seal. While it would not allow the Kyuubi to escape, it made it incapable of fully utilizing certain abilities, and it allowed the Kyuubi to influence Naruto when he drew on too much of its power; examples being the incident with Jiraiya, and his most recent encounter with Orochimaru.
As stated before, Naruto's power exceeding the Kyuubi's would have been the catalyst for Naruto absorbing the fox (and likely creating a new bloodline). Normally, this would have taken Naruto until he was at least 21, but the death of Jiraiya sped this happening up much faster. Several things happening in quick succession caused this to happen much sooner than anyone expected; even under the most ideal of planned circumstances.
First, was Naruto becoming a Toad Sage, and mastering it at a level that no other human had before. Because he didn't use Ma and Pa to help him gather Sage chakra while on the move, and was in fact capable of doing it by himself, the natural energy had been incorporated much deeper into his biological functions, much the same way as both his own and Kyuubi's chakra.
The second thing, was that like youki compared to human chakra, Sage chakra was far more potent than youki (about 2x as potent). With Naruto being able to draw on an amount of Sage chakra voluminously equal to his own natural chakra (equal as in quantity, not quality), he is capable of drawing in an amount of Sage chakra equal to just over half of the youki held back by the seal. Thus, under the right circumstances, the Sage chakra would completely neutralise the youki, leaving only Naruto's natural chakra to battle the youki that the seal allowed to be constantly pumped into his system. In a battle of both quality and quantity, Naruto's own power exceeds the Kyuubi's and the conditions for the last part of the seal should have come into play. Because of Orochimaru's tampering, however, the damaged seal was unable to properly utilize this ability.
Fastforward to the middle of a fight for his very life. While fighting Pein, Naruto had been overwhelmed first by the Akatsuki leader, then by the Kyuubi. When he'd been just about to give up, and release the fox, he was stopped by an imprint of his father, also left that day over a decade ago within the seal. At the end of the impromptu reunion, Minato performed the last piece of the puzzle. He repaired the damaged seal. With the Sage power able to neutralise most of the youki, Naruto's own power usurping the rest, and the seal now fully funtioning, the conditions were set for the seal to act on its final purpose. All it would take, is one action to set things in motion. As it would happen, that action would take place less than a month after that. In an effort to further train his Sage abilities, to make using it for longer a possibility, Naruto set off the seal's special function.
Of the two dozen shinobi under Danzo's control, just over half were female (despite his supposed emotionless stoicism, he was just as big a pervert as his rival, and Anbu did wear body hugging uniforms). One of the side effects of absorbing the Kyuubi, was that he ended up with what amounted to a reproduction cycle. Much like a woman's period, it came once a month, and caused him all sorts of annoyances. As it would happen, this cycle would occur when Naruto was going through Danzo's mandatory resistance training. He was given an aphrodisiac, and forced to resist both the drug's effects and the kunoichi trying to seduce him (any sane person could see that Danzo sometimes expected a bit much of his drones). Naruto fails spectacularly, and ends up dominating every female in the unit, while injuring any male that came near him (competitive alpha male instincts). A couple months later, a huge portion of Danzo's private army ends up with morning sickness. The reason, he hadn't bothered to read Tsunade's report on Naruto and the futility of conventional kunoichi contraceptives.
PUBERTY...or how Naruto put several of his friends in the hospital from bloodloss, and eventually got himself a harem.
Naruto, as was his habit, managed to skip class on the day they went through puberty, sexual education, and the body's changes. Therefore, he was unaware of such changes (which would explain why he was completely unaffected by his own jutsu). He also happened to be a very late bloomer.
When Naruto wakes up one morning with the Breakfast Wood, he thinks something is wrong, and runs to Tsunade's office. Little did he know that Tsunade was meeting with all of the kunoichi his age for certain...kunoichi specific...reasons. Naruto burst into the room (somehow ignoring all the people in there except Tsunade), dropped his pants and boxers, and pointing to his penis yelled.
"Tsunade-baachan, there's something wrong with my dick." The statement drew the attention of six kunoichi to said dick. What they found was something that was much larger than any thirteen year old should possess; actually larger than many five years his senior should have. Five kunoichi hit the floor, their faces stained with blood. Tsunade gave a frustrated sigh as she realized she'd have to give the boy the talk, because there was no one else to do it. Judging from Shizune's reaction, this wasn't something she could pawn off onto her assistant, and she'd actually had to send Iruka on a mission. She would never trust something like this to Kakashi or Jiraiya, because it wouldn't get done, or it would be done badly. Not to mention, Jiraiya was likely to scar the poor boy.
Nevermind
"Okay Naruto, I'll go out with you, but you're going to have to make some major changes." As Sakura rambled on about all the changes she felt he should make, Naruto noticed a recurring theme in them. Nearly everything she was telling him reminded him of Sasuke. Now slightly annoyed, and finding himself far less attracted to the pinkette, Naruto turned and began to walk away. "And finally, no more- Hey! where are you going?" Sakura exclaimed to the retreating figure.
"I'm going to go see if Hinata is still interested." Naruto replied. "At least she likes me, and won't try to force me to be like someone else."
Naruto Uzumaki, Ambassador of Leaf
What if Sarutobi had taken more of a role in raising Naruto, taking him with him when he went to meet dignitaries from other villages? What if Sarutobi made sure that Naruto was seen as the hero he should have been seen as? What if somehow, Naruto, in all his childhood innocence, convinced all of the Jinchuuriki to relocate to leaf (or at least the ones being treated badly)?
Gaara would of course come later.
What the Hell?
Naruto entered Tsunade's office wondering what she wanted that was so urgent. Looking around, he found that Kiba, his mom, and his sister were there too.
'Wonder what this is about?' Naruto said, unable to think of anything important that would involve him and the Inuzukas.
"Naruto, you made it, now we can start." Tsunade said. "Tsume."
"Right, Kiba, Naruto, Tsunade and I felt it was time to reveal something that has been kept from the two of you." Tsume paused to take a breath. "Kiba, Naruto is your younger half-brother."
"What the hell?" Kiba asked.
"What he said." Naruto concurred.
"You and Naruto are brothers." Tsunade said. "The bloodwork proves it." Kiba's eyes then went wide.
"Wait, does that mean that the Yondaime was my father too." He gave a fanged grin. "Sweet."
"Actually, no." Tsume replied. "Minato was not your father, though he was quite the beast in the sack."
"NANI?" Several voices piped up.
"That's not important." Tsume said.
"Wait, if Naruto is my brother-
"Half-brother," Tsume corrected.
"Half-brother, then was the Yondaime being Naruto's father a lie too?" Kiba asked.
"No, that was the truth." Tsunade said. "Minato Namikaze was Naruto's father, but not yours."
"Okay, will someone please explain this to us before my head starts hurting." Naruto griped.
"Let's just put it like this." Tsume said. "Naruto wasn't the first person in the village with a gender-bending jutsu. The only difference, was that Kushina's only gave her functioning boy parts, not a complete change." Mothers or not, the two teens were blown backwards into the wall from the force of the nosebleed that image produced.
"I guess this would be a bad time to tell him that he's Jiraiya's grandson."
The Odd Couple
Naruto is attacked on his fourth birthday. What made things so bad, was that whoever had masterminded the attack had waited until Sarutobi was forced to deploy his most trusted Anbu in regards to Naruto. Anko breaks up the attack, and begs to take him in. Because of her age (16), she is forced to find someone else to help her take care of him. Kakashi can't do it, because he's in Anbu. Enter Maito Gai, to take his place, as a personal favor to his Eternal Rival.
After the attack, Naruto is adopted and raised by the oddest pair of shinobi anyone could imagine; Gai and Anko. As part of their mission, although that part was added later as an excuse to push some funds their way to make monetary issues easier, they are given a large three bedroom apartment.
Naruto's treatment by the villagers doesn't change much-ignored, looked down on, generally disliked- considering Anko is viewed just as badly as he is, and Gai is Gai. They no longer attack him because he's protected, and because they know Anko's retaliation will be harsh, be within her rights to as she's protecting her adopted son.
Naruto gets his first view of a woman's naked body at the age of four, because Anko has to get used to sharing living space with others; meaning she can't walk around her apartment naked anymore.
Naruto still becomes a prankster (Anko encourages Naruto to fight back, but this is at least tempered by Gai's assertion that he not take things too far), and pretty much the same person he was canonwise (with some obvious differences, sure), but with one major difference. He's not stupid.
pair
Gai/Anko eventually
Silly Drabble 19
What if Gaara was a girl, and had rather archaic notions about love, relationships, and sex.
"That's enough." Gaara's voice said. "We're done."
"Whatever you say Gaara." Kankurou said.
"Naruto Uzumaki, I have never lost a fight before today." The sand user said. "Because you have defeated me, when mother deems that I am of a suitable age to give birth, you will father my children."
"WHAAATT?" Four people shouted in unison. Naruto blinked wildly, suddenly no longer feeling the least bit sleepy, but wishing unconsciousness would take him.
Silly Drabble 20
"Hey Sakura, when I made that promise to bring Sasuke back, I didn't specify his health condition, did I?"
"Well no, but-"
"So, if I brought back his corpse, then that would count as bringing him back."
"Naruto, don't you dare kill Sasuke."
"What if he tries to kill me again?" Naruto asked. "Could I do it then?"
"Well, if he was trying to kill you, then I guess I'd rather have you come back alive over him." Naruto gave a grin.
"Thanks, Sakura." Naruto called, walking away.
8888
Breaks into Sasuke's old apartment, and steals his diary. He then has it published. The title Sasuke Uchiha: Broody Hearthrob or Sissy with Duck Ass Hair. Naruto sets up an area with thousands of traps that even the Mangekyo Sharingan can't keep up with or predict, and waits for Sasuke.
August 4
Dear Diary,
Niisan poked me in the forehead again today. That's really starting to get on my nerves, I'm going to tell mommy on him.
Anyway, enough about niisan, kaasan said she was taking me shopping for my Academy supplies. I can't wait. Even though he's a pain, and annoys me, I still wanna be strong like Niisan when I get bigger. Mommy's calling me, I have to go now, talk to you later diary.
Love you,
Sasuke-kun
Silly Drabble 21
Because that cheeky little bastard decided to specifically leave out certain details when he was telling Sasuke the history of Konoha (namely the fact that he was the reason that the Kyuubi attacked 16 years prior, and he's the reason no one trusted the Uchiha clan).
VoE; 63 years ago...
"I shall have my revenge upon not only those traitors, but you and that village as well." Madara yelled. "You may have been able to influence the tailed beasts, but my new eyes give me absolute control of the Kyuubi. Not even you can stop me Hashirama."
"I will admit your eyes are formidable, but they are not invincible." Hashirama lectured. "Your brother has had your eyes implanted, and they seem to work just as well as the ones you took from him. By the way, he is very cross with your treachery. As for your boasts about the Kyuubi, you are as aware of our shared lineage as I am Madara. You should know that I am far more capable than I would seem."
"Then we will just have to see." The man growled. Madara ran through a set of seals, and called. "Yokai Kuchiyose: Kyuubi no Yoko!" The ground around them split, as a vile red chakra began to seep up from the fissure that had just formed in the ground. The potent miasma from the summoning was very thick, and made breathing difficult. Madara looked on with delight. He knew he was taking a big gamble, because a summoning of this nature would drain him of nearly all the fighting strength he had. As a giant red paw began to for from the red haze surrounding the two rivals, he allowed a sigh of relief. Had this not worked, he'd have been in no shape to take on a man of Hashirama's calibur; it was a chakra exhausting effort in itself to just fight him to a standstill at full strength even with the Eternal Mangekyo, he'd learned that before he left. As a second, third, and fourth paw appeared, and an arm began to form from the first one, he knew he would be victorious. With his Eternal Mangekyo using only a fraction of the chakra that the most basic level of the Sharingan did, he would be able to see to not only the distruction of Hashirama, but the Leaf Village as well. Although, he would have to tread lightly if what Hashirama said of Izuna was true.
An earth shaking roar signalled the complete formation of the Kyuubi no Yoko, and Madara was now assured victory. He looked over to his rival, expecting to see a man fearing for his life, or at the very least trying to figure out how to stop this demon. What he found, was the same unwavering, calm countenance that enfuriated him about the man. Not only that, but the bastard Senju was staring at him, almost seemingly ignoring the Kyuubi altogether. Something was wrong here, and it was starting to give him a bad feeling. It was then that he noticed Hashirama's condition, or rather lack of one; that being fatigue. He knew that the two Senju brothers had their weekly training sessions on Wednesdays, and had timed his assault with that in mind. For some reason, the man was either not tired as he should be, or he was bluffing.
Now one thing that needs to be realised, is had this been normal continuity, Hashirama should have still died during, or shortly after, this encounter. What should have happened that day, was Hashirama and his brother engaging in an intense training session, followed by this attempt on his village. Being as exhausted as he would have been, subduing Kyuubi enough to defeat Madara, and then completely subduing the biju once he'd turned the man away would have been far too much for his human body to withstand. As it would happen, the gorgeous Namikaze girl (damn Tobirama for being able to so easily seduce hot women) that his brother had been stalking had finally caved (a full week earlier than he'd guessed), and the training session had been postponed. As it was, instead of an exhausted Hashirama coming to confront Madara, it was a fully rested and energized, as well as mildly annoyed, Hashirama that appeared. Thus, while taking a tremendous amount of chakra, subduing Kyuubi was almost child's play. Running through a set of seals, and then grasping the jewel on the string around his neck, Hashirama called.
"Senjuhigi: Sanctuary Enlightenment Enclosing Palm!" He followed this by pointing his hand in the direction of the Kyuubi, and with a voice that carried all the authority of being the Shodai Hokage, Hashirama ordered. "Sit!" And the Kyuubi did just that, shaking the ground as his massive backside hastened to follow the order. Madara began to pale further than his genetic coding had already made him upon noticing that Hashirama was still unexhausted. Using that technique after training with his brother should have had him gasping for breath, and ready to pitch forward. In the same tone, he followed up with, "Stay!", and Madara knew then and there that he was fucked...and not the kind he'd enjoyed with that cute little pink haired girl either (although in retrospect, he was glad that he'd left Konoha, because that was one insessant little fangirl he didn't want to see again; the fact that she couldn't have been more than thirteen didn't help the fact).
"Shit!" Madara muttered. Backpeddling, he spoke up. "Haha, gotcha. I can't believe you fell for that Hashi-kun. I would have thought the Shodai-sama would have seen that joke coming from a mile away." When he saw that that wasn't going to work, he tried to make a break for it, but considering their current levels of stamina, that wasn't going to pan out very well. This thought was proven true when several branches came out, and grasped him tightly, holding him in place.
"The only regret I have this day, is that a little girl back home will never know her father." Madara was once again glad that he'd left, although in hindsight, he probably should have gone on to Water Country like he'd planned, instead of trying to get revenge while Hashirama still lived. With the swiftness, and efficiency of a longtime shinobi, Hashirama's kunai flashed, and his aim was true.
Once the deed had been done, Madara Uchiha was no longer among the land of the living, and the massive fox was no longer under his control, Hashirama released the Kyuubi from its frozen position.
"You know, I don't appreciate you treating me like some common mutt." Hashirama scratched the back of his head with a sheepish expression.
"Yeah, sorry about that, but I was trying to make a statement." He answered. "You know, get in my opponents head."
"I'm going to let this slide because I was at least amused by his fear." The demon growled. "And because you executed the fool who thought to enslave me."
'And I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that if I tell him to sit and stay, and don't release the command, he'll be stuck there until one of my descendants releases him, if they even can.' Wisely, Hashirama only thought this. No need to have the Kyuubi with a vendetta against Konoha. "So what are you going to do, now?"
"Well," The fox said, assuming a human form with long red hair, and pale aristocratic features. "There's this hot Uzumaki broad that I've had my eyes on for awhile." It was Hashirama's turn to turn pale.
"Oh dear Kami." He groaned. "They're already a clan full of tricky, sneaky, pranksters (even in battle; which translated to a clan of demented trapmasters) with blown up chakra stores. The last thing the world needs is for them to add your blood and any potential abilities that may give them."
"You do realize that you've only convinced me even more to go along with this."
Silly Drabble 22
This would take place in the same universe as the above drabble.
In a world where Madara overestimated his ability to control the Kyuubi, compared to Hashirama's ability to subdue them (as well as Tobirama's ability to get into women's pants). Akatsuki is never formed, Mist never becomes the Bloody Mist (because Madara doesn't become Kage nor is Yagura being manipulated by him), and several years down the line, history repeats itself in a certain father-son duo. After the most recent conflict, many of the clans in the village were still battle hungry, and when the Mizukage tries to adopt some of Sarutobi's ideals, they revolt.
In reseponse to the clans in the village, the Yondaime Mizukage, aka the Sanbi Jinchuuriki, seeks an alliance with Minato for help. As is the case with most political alliances, a marriage contract is formed, with one Terumi Mei being the kunoichi being involved. The two kage agreed on a provisional alliance, with a later marriage between their two children signifying the full alliance. When the Kyuubi attacked Konoha (see Wierdest Attack Ever), Mist thought that the alliance would be voided, but Sarutobi held that it would still be upheld. The only difference, was that it would have to wait until the Namikaze heir was older, and able to protect himself enough from his father's enemies to learn of his heritage.
Seven year old Terumi was rather put out (as most children looking forward to something only to have it ruined are), but she agreed to adhere to her father's wishes. Even as a child, young Mei's countenance was frightful, and could easily cow even the village leader at times. But that was only to be expected being the child of the Sanbi Jinchuuriki after all. Terumi proved to be a very powerful young woman, possessing two bloodlines (one from each parent), and some of the power and certain healing, chakra, and durability aspects of being a vessel, inherited from her Jinchuuriki father, but in less of a dosage. It still made for a formidable combination, and she rose through the ranks rapidly, the only ones in the entire continent to advance faster being some of the Leaf's most gifted shinobi (The Sannin, Itachi, Kakashi, etc.).
As a result of this, by the time her future husband was preparing to take the Chuunin Exams, she was already the sensei of a team who was doing the same. Imagine the surprise of the world when the two betrothed shinobi finally meet...right after Kakashi tells Naruto that he has to focus on Sasuke for his match against Gaara. When she finds that while he knows the Kage Bunshin (which already has her drooling at the possibilities), he's no where near strong enough to know of his parents, and therefore can't become her husband. Deciding that patience is overrated in this situation, she decides that since he's not strong enough, then she'll make him strong enough.
In an odd turn of events, Nagato, not going the route of the Akatsuki decides to get his payback another way. When he learns that Danzo is a rival of the third Hokage, and that the man is planning to use Hanzo's help to overthrow the Hokage, he creates an alliance with Sarutobi to take care of both problems. Sarutobi helps Pain remove Hanzo from power, and Nagato in turn helps to get rid of Danzo's forces. When Sarutobi learns of the attempted attack during the Chuunin exams, he has both Pein and Yagura, as well as Mist and Waterfall to help them repel the attack.
Silly Drabble 23
What happens when Naruto give Sasuke some advice on how to deal with his fangirls...and Sasuke takes it? Two simple words will have far reaching effects on the Naruto world.
"You know, you should just tell them you're gay." Naruto said. "That would make them leave you alone for good."
'Or it could turn them more rabid, and make them work twice as hard to bring him back from the dark side.' naruto thought. 'Either way, I'm gonna get a laugh out of it.'
"Sasuke-kun, why won't you go out with me?" Sakura whined. Sasuke debated telling her every single reason why, but decided to take the simplest route; one that, after some thought, seemed to be a decidedly good permanent deterrent for the rabid hyenas.
"I'm gay." He said simply, before walking away, leaving a soul shocked Sakura behind. The taumatised kunoichi could only stare in horror as her world shattered around her.
Silly Drabble 24
Kakashi, reluctantly admitting that Gai is better than him at something, asks Gai to help Naruto and Sakura with their taijutsu (Sakura declines, saying that she'd much rather learn from Kakashi-sensei; he does work with her, but as she spends most of her time fawning over Sasuke, not much work gets done). When Neji complains that his teaching that loser is cutting into his own training, Gai brings up the idea of a full on trade until the Chuunin Exams, since the Uchiha heir would be a good opponent for Neji to spar with. Neji shows him just how untalented he truly is, and that his Sharingan is useless if his body can't keep up.
"Do I really have to wear this?" Naruto asked.
"Of course, it is the youthful garments of our training." Gai said. "It also makes your training that much more beneficial." He still didn't know where those merchants found the fabric, or what they did to it, but it was purely magical.
"But Tenten and Neji don't have to wear it." Naruto complained.
"Neji and I both wore it for the first two months of our training." Tenten said embarrassed. All three people blushed in remembrance of that first meeting. The cameltoe that she'd sported, and been unable to relinquish herself of had resulted in her wearing a skirt for the first time in her life. Neji stopped wearing it when Tenten was forced to, because Gai didn't want to seem like he was giving her special treatment. "I still wear it sometimes when I'm training at home because the fabric is admittedly comfortable.
"Oh, alright, fine." Naruto said, taking the suit behind a pair of bushes.
"Oh, and you might want to lose your youthful underpants as well." Gai said, wincing. "The bunching is very uncomfortable." Naruto pinkened, but took them off as well. After slithering into the tight green suit, for there was no real way to get in otherwise, he stepped from behind the bushes, and got looks of shock.
Tenten's mouth was wide open, her jaw sitting on the floor. The significant hug of the suit resulted in a rather impressive bulge that the kunoichi couldn't tear her eyes away from.
'Maybe Gai-sensei was right, and I need to start looking elsewhere for relationship oppotunities.' She thought. 'Neji sure doesn't seem like he'll develop a personality or interest in girls anytime soon.' Lee was staring in shock, thinking how Naruto might be a much more impressive eternal rival than even Neji. He could practically see the youthful energies that were flowing off the blond in waves. Best you just don't ask on this one. The Youth is stronger with Lee than the Force was with Anakin.
'Yosh, Naruto-kun looks almost as handsome as Gai-sensei and myself.' Gai felt a buzz of annoyance go through him, and shook his head.
'How the hell does he make that look so badass.' He thought in shock. 'I must train to prove my youthful excellence, and match Naruto-kun's badassery.' Little did Gai know, that it was his hair and eyebrows that kept him from having any sort of potential badassness with his jumpsuit.
"Okay, lets start with a spar to see where you are." Gai said. "I will watch you, and see if I can think of a Taijutsu form that will suit your fighting style."
Over with Kakashi and Team 7, Sakura is in fangirl heaven. Two rookie of the years, both dark, angry/broody types, both with feelings of harsh hostility towards what they believe is the cause of all of their life's problems, both pretty enough to be girls with the right features; and both have very low opinions of her and treat her like garbage.
As for Kakashi, he was hoping the next six months would pass quickly, and if Gai could get Naruto up to scratch sooner than that. Having one broody annoyance was bad enough with only Naruto liven things up. Now he was stuck with two of them, and a retarded fangirl who was practically catatonic in her drooling obsession of prissy, bishounin, emos.
More Drabbles for your enjoyment. Again, see customer service if you didn't. And again, I will warn you...he's creepy, so I wouldn't advise it without a bodyguard.