Update of the not exciting variety- I've gotten a lot of good tips on the review reply thingie and it is both easier and more deviously hidden than I expected. Thanks everybody! Now I can babble at you in replies as well as A/Ns (buah haha)
: speech : is Parseltongue
/ speech / is mental speak
:speech/ is mental Parseltongue
oOoOoOoOo
Last time: :Open!: He commands, leaps into the hole and calls :Close!: up at the rapidly shrinking light of the entrance. Cackling/hissing maniacally Voldemort slides into the Chamber of Secrets.
oOoOoOoOo
"Well, Harry. That was a surprisingly stupid idea."
Harry opens his eyes warily, blinking and squinting a bit in the strong light. In front of him sits… "Sirius!" The older wizard looks to be several years older than the one Harry most recently met, though not quite as old as he was when he died in Harry's original dimension. There is a gleam to his eye that hints of time spent in Azkaban, though the reminder is worn more as an identifier than as remaining pain. "I'm back? You're alive?"
"No." Comes another voice. Harry whips around to see his father, looking quite a lot like the one in the dimension Harry just left.
"Dad?" Harry voice quavers a bit when he asks the question.
"The one and only." James grins.
"Well, not exactly, Prongs." Sirius retorts.
"Quite right." James puts a finger on his chin pensively.
"So… I'm dead?" Harry asks slowly. "Where's Voldemort?" He stands and looks around frantically, noticing as he does that he seems to be in King's Cross Station.
"He's still in the body we made for you guys." James says, sighing and crossing his arms.
"The body you made for us?" Harry asks, edging away from the two men warily. This must be one of Voldemort's traps to confuse him.
"Sure!" Sirius jumps to his feet as well. "It was the perfect opportunity to prank ol' Voldie so hard he regretted being born, much less messing with the Marauders!" Sirius proclaims, gesturing expressively with his arms.
Harry looks at his Sirius, suddenly realizing that the irresponsible behavior of the new dimensions Sirius and James are if nothing else tamer than his parent and godfather. "Don't you guys think that that was a bit… insensitive?" Harry asks finally, interrupting Sirius and James who had put their arms on each other's shoulders, gestured off into the distance and been staring off into space with shining eyes.
James looks at Harry quizzically. "I guess, but don't you think the bastard deserved it? You know, being trapped in a kid's body, powerless and all."
Harry glares at the two men. "Not him. ME!" Harry looks at their puzzled looks and feels a growl starting in the back of his throat.
"Don't mind them, dear, they're both idiots." A lilting voice comes from behind him as an arm rests on his shoulder.
Harry turns to see his mother. Like his father, she died quite close to the time of the reality he had just come from, so physically she looks no different. Except for the warm look in her eyes looking at her son, they would be impossible to differentiate. "Mum." He gasps, his throat closing up a bit. "I'm in heaven?"
Lily chuckles. "Almost, Harry. You are at a crossroads."
"I thought we were in a rail station." Sirius quips. "Ouch!" He adds when James smacks him.
Lily sighs. "We are in a place where it is still possible for you to go forward or back, Harry." Lily continues. "The exact nature is impossible for the living to completely understand, which is why your mind has constructed this station as the closest approximation."
"Right." Harry says, looking at Lily oddly. She is reminding him entirely too much of Dumbledore. Though with the straight answers, perhaps not. "So I can er… 'move on' then?" Harry asks. The idea is suddenly almost irresistible. Being able to stop… stop worrying, stop fighting, just stop! The idea seems wonderful.
"Yeah, you could." Sirius says off-handedly.
"Or you could go back for a bit to give Voldie more of a hard time." James leans forward as he says this. "Give him hell for your old man's sake."
Harry closes his eyes and sighs. Apparently third time is not the charm. "The universe seems to be obsessed with seeing me die of old age."
"Not the universe, just us." James says cheerfully.
"I don't want to go back? Can't I just…" Harry trails off. Just what? Let the innocent universe that his parents had shipped him off too deal with that monster by itself? Just avoid his responsibilities and the prophecy that had shaped his whole life? His whole existence?
"You can stay if you want, Harry." Lily says kindly
oOoOoOoOo
"I don't know what he did." Tom says for the third time, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
"Well, start with something simple, right dear?" Myrtle reassures her husband, walking over to him and putting an arm around his waist. Tom leans in and sighs.
"I've tried all the unlocking spells I can think of." He turns to Albus skeptically. "Are you sure that you don't know this secret passage?"
"No." Dumbledore replies, pulling on his beard in confused worry.
"Maybe there is a physical trigger?" Severus muses as he starts to poke the various angles and facets of the sink.
"If that were so, Severus, I'm fairly sure I would have discovered this passage when I was in school." Myrtle says wryly. "Probably ended up living there for a good portion of the time as well."
oOoOoOoOo
:I don't know.: The basilisk looks dubious as only a fifty foot reptile can. She has her nictating membranes covering her eyes as she peers at the tiny person in front of her (so as not to accidentally kill her first visitor in near a millennia). :You don't smell like an heir of Slytherin.:
:What are you talking about?: Voldemort hisses indignantly. :I AM a heir of Slytherin. I'm even talking to you in Parseltongue.:
The basilisk flicks her tongue out a few times pensively. :True you are Speaking, however, you also don't smell of human magic.:
:What?: Voldemort asks blankly, confused enough to ignore how frustrated he is at the moment.
:You smell of Parsel-magics.: The basilisk continues, unhelpfully.
Voldemort begins to lose interest and become irritated once more. He raises his wand threateningly.
The snake calls his bluff. :Ah, you wish to prove that you can cast human magic, then?: She lowers his nose closer to the floor.
Voldemort lets off a string of hissing invectives, wondering how much moisture it would take to kill a several thousand year old reptile.
:Aha! I knew it.: The snake looks smug. Voldemort has a brief and unwelcome moment of empathy for Harry. Basilisks pulled off smug entirely too well. :Well, it's not unusual.: The basilisk continues, sliding up to get off the cold wet floor and curls instead around the head of Salazar.
:What's not unusual.: Voldemort asks petulantly.
:For a wizard that can only speak Parseltongue to try to writhe into the Slytherin line.: The basilisk yawns, her poison fangs stretching far forward before settling one after the other back into her jaws. :After all, most of Slytherin's children were Speakers, too. It was really the only place in the world where they weren't thought mad.:
:Since when is Parseltongue common?: Voldemort asks suspiciously.
The basilisk's clear third eyelid slid back a bit in her agitation. :Youngling, it is one of the great languages. How could it be anything but common?:
Voldemort leans forward eagerly. :Great languages?: He asks.
The basilisk sniffs. :Of course. Speaking with snakes is of course the most noble, but many wizards can speak with beasts.:
:Which ones?: Voldemort asks, marveling that this information had never come to light in the other universe. Granted, it is not directly related to power of any sort, but perhaps if he can find a line of speakers of any sort of beast language he can find someone other than his counterpart to corrupt. Er… speak to.
:What do I know of lesser beasts?: The basilisk looks horribly affronted. :And why are you asking all these questions? Surely you can just ask a Parseltongue to translate for you to ask the wizards these questions.: Now she looks suspicious.
Voldemort contemplates if he wants to redirect the conversation to more information or if the great snake has irritated him enough to crush her world view. His mouth twists into a sneer. :In the time you've been hiding in this basement Parseltongue has become rare in the world. There have only been two in the past several centuries- myself and one other.:
The basilisk rears back and gasps. Voldemort averts his eyes with a snicker, knowing that this agitated the eyes will be fully unveiled. He hadn't been looking at her directly this whole time, but judging by the thrashing noises her head must be weaving quite erratically.
:You lie! Who let the noble bloodline die out?:
:The current head of the family keeps adopting children instead of having his own.: Voldemort says innocently, keeping his head bowed to avoid hide his grin.
:This will not be tolerated!: The basilisk hisses furiously, shooting past him so fast the wind whips his clothing.
oOoOoOo
"Maybe if you tell it to open?" Jeff asks from where he is sitting on the bathroom floor.
"Jeff, we're trying to think of something here." Tom says, reigning in hard on his emotions so that he doesn't lash out at his undeserving adopted son.
"Well not in English, obviously." Jeff says with a yawn. "It's Mr. Slytherin's chamber, so you should talk to it like you do to us when you want to be scary. You know, Parseltongue."
"Yes, obviously." Tom mutters, bemused. :Open?: He hisses at the sink. Immediately the magic catches and the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets begins to rearrange into a recognizable passage.
Just in time for an irate millennia old basilisk to shoot out of it.
"AH!" Come screams from all directions. Tom brings his wand to bear on the large serpent while Myrtle gets the boys out of the bathroom.
:Who is the Speaker here! I know one of you opened the door, else I would still be stuck in the pipes.: She narrows her fully revealed and deadly eyes and sweeps her head back and forth. She opens her mouth threateningly when she notices that the humans seem to be unaffected with a glare that should have turned them all to stone.
"Everyone, slowly aim your wand at the basilisk." Dumbledore says, warily doing the same. "On the count of three, Stunners."
"Wait, let me try to talk to her." Tom says. He turns back to the large snake.
:Why are you not turning as you should? Why are you still flesh.: The basilisk gets a contemplative look in her eye. :I could still eat you all… I've had small rodents for quite some time…:
:We have a charm for our eyes that was developed to withstand basilisk stares, my Lady.: Tom interrupts the basilisk hastily. :Though it is being sorely tested by your awesome strength.
Tom breaths a sigh of relief as the basilisk seems to preen under the praise. But then she remembers her mission. :You must be the one not sowing your seed as you should.: She glares with renewed intensity at Tom. He averts his eyes as he feels the charm sending out the built-in tingles warning it is under stress.
:I'm not sure…:
:Adopting! Why are you taking other's progeny rather than making as many of your own as possible?:
:I-Wh-Y-Tha-: Tom sputters indignantly, turning a bit red even though he knows that no one else can understand the snake.
:The little one tells me that there are only the two of you left who can Speak in this world, and that you are both the result of accident! Thank the great snake you are both male- you must both mate with as many females as possible to ensure the continuation of the line.: The basilisk continues.
:This is why I never talk to snakes.: Tom mutters to himself, blushing but refusing to answer the queries of the Headmaster beyond waving him off that everything is alright.
:Would that I were a human. I could help… Perhaps if I threaten to bite people who resist you? Or we can get them all to look upon my gaze through a mirror- Petrified women can still have children, after all…:
:Stop! Stop!: Tom grates out, completely appalled.
The basilisk hisses contemplatively and lowers her head yet further to address Tom. :Well, are you going to make plans, then?:
:Firstly- I am not going to go about impregnating women. Humans are monogamous.:
:You can't make an exception?: The snake asks hopefully. :Your clutch sizes are so small that it is unlikely you will be able to spread your seed sufficiently before succumbing to old age.:
Tom presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose, takes a deep breath and continues. :And secondly, Myrtle and I already have three children.:
:Speakers?: The basilisk perks up significantly.
:No.: Tom sighs.
:Well, you need to keep trying, then.: She says in a reasonable tone of voice.
:I can't believe I'm discussing this with you.: Tom says with some despair.
:I'm only doing what any basilisk would do.: She points out. More calm, she winds her great length up from the Chamber and about the girls lavatory. :We have long been allies of the Speakers. As the greatest of snakes it is our duty.: She intones.
Riddle sneaks a look up at the snake and sees that her third eyelids have covered her deadly eyes once again. :Hmm.: Tom hisses noncommittally.
:You are still trying, aren't you? For a child who Speaks? I was told that it is never as satisfying to speak with snakes as with other humans. Well, except for basilisks of course. That is always better.: She hisses contentedly.
Tom starts a bit at the words. He hadn't really noticed with Harry waking up and being from another dimension, telling him he could have become a Dark Lord and then being possessed by said spirit… but the great snake is right. There is a part of him he hadn't even known was despondent that is fulfilled with being able to speak intelligently in this Magic-gifted Tongue.
The snake suddenly tenses. :This means the little runt lied to me.: She seems totally insulted.
:Well he is a Slytherin.: Tom says almost under his breath. The basilisk, however, hears him.
:Slytherins do not lie. They are practical, snake-like people.: She says indignantly, eyeing Tom like he is some sort of alien. :Once I am through with him I am going to have a long talk with you about what it means to be a proper snake.:
:Wait!: Tom calls, but all he is talking to is the very tip of the basilisk's tail as she slips back into the Chamber and out of sight.
"Well done, Tom." Albus congratulates him. "You seem to have negotiated brilliantly." The Headmaster peers at the younger wizard curiously. "What was it saying to you that made you blush so…"
"I don't want to talk about it." Tom cuts him off before escaping by jumping into the Chamber.
"Oh dear." Albus says, a twinkle in the corner of his eye.
"Is it safe, then?" Myrtle asks from around the corner. "I sent Severus to take Jeff back to the dorms, which we probably should have done in the first place."
"Quite safe my dear, thanks to your Charm." Dumbledore says, twinkling a bit more at his joke, especially when it is deftly ignored.
"Yes, well. I defy you to go to school with Hagrid and not develop a healthy respect for dangerous beasts and a damned good method for figuring out safety procedures." She says absently. "Are we supposed to go in after him?" Myrtle asks with a tone that seems to add 'like usual, that damn fool of a man' to the end of her question.
"I'm sure the two of us can handle it, my dear." Dumbledore says, thinking that otherwise Tom will be unable to say anything in the presence of his wife due to the still active Command.
"If you say so." Myrtle still looks dubious so Dumbledore tries another angle of attack.
"You should probably go talk to poor Jeff. He is probably taking this as a personal failure, what happened to poor Harry."
"Oh!" Myrtle says, snapping out of plans to follow her husband. Albus gives an internal sigh of relief. "You're right, the poor boy. Well, make sure to bring that phoenix along with you, Albus. They are wonderful protection against basilisks." With that she makes off in the direction of the dungeons.
oOoOoOo
Tom hurries after the basilisk and finds himself coming upon a very bizarre argument indeed.
:Slytherins are sneaky!: Voldemort growls (while hissing- Tom admits to being impressed).
:Ravenclaws are sneaky- always using logic to tie you up into knots so complex you can't feel your tail anymore. Slytherins are pragmatic and practical.: The basilisk hotly protests.
:Don't be ridiculous. How in the world can you get power by being straightforward? You're talking like a Hufflepuff:
: Have you ever met one of the Founders? No? Then stop telling me that I'm wrong when you are mixing up all their prized traits.: The basilisk sneers.
:The Sorting Hat is every bit as old as you are and a magical artifact to boot. As such not susceptible to age related problems.: Voldemort sneers back.
:Oh, so now you are going to trust Gryffindor's favorite hat that's growing mold first nourished by his overly enthusiastic sweat over the hand-picked guardian of the bloodline?: The snake whacks her tail on the floor. Tom barely jumps out of the way in time and ends up soaked through from the splash. As amusing and enlightening as the conversation is, Tom edges into position for a sneak attack before the basilisk or the diminutive Dark Lord notice his presence.
"Petrificus Totalis!" Tom calls as he leaps from behind the basilisk.
:Protego!: Retorts Voldemort. Steam puffs from the end of his wand. He looks at it incredulously before toppling over onto his face.
oOoOoOo
Sirius and James were starting to annoy Harry. He still is happy to see them again, but it's getting to the point where his is getting nostalgic about missing them.
"See- it was going to be the ultimate prank of all time!" Sirius gushes. Harry sighs- he's used that description before.
James picks up. "Imagine- the man is terrified of death, right? So what better than to make him immortal, but be a subservient spirit for all eternity? And subservient to the baby that kicked his ass without trying."
"Wait!" Harry cuts in, his attention coming back to the two men. "What do you mean immortal?"
"You're each other's Horucrux, right? So in the same body essentially you're immortal." James explains with a twinkle in his eye.
Harry looks at them, appalled. "I don't want to be immortal! This is what I was talking about when I said you two were being insensitive." He says, at a loss.
"Harry, take one for the team. It's the best prank in history."
"One for the team? You are absolutely mental. I would never get to die, you realize. Never get to come back here. Never get to see you idiots ever again!" Harry started off fairly calm but by the end of it is screaming at the two dead wizards in front of him.
"Merlin's big, hairy balls." James says after a long silence. "You're right."
"Well, there was some other reason, too, that Dumbledore was trying to get us to tell you. But honestly, it wasn't as brilliant as an interdimensional prank war." Sirius says shakily.
"And Snivellus came up with it." Sirius adds. "Don't forget that."
"What was this other reason." Harry grates out.
"My boy, I was waiting for you to think of me."
oOoOoOo
A/N- I think there's only another chapter or two left. Likely the wait won't be so long as I won't be so heinously busy the next couple months, but then again- maybe not. (The beach calls!)
Thanks to everyone who reviews- I really appreciate it! If someone could tell me how to respond to them I would be grateful. I know it's possible since ffnet sends me some from other authors periodically, but I can't figure it out to save my life. (Why is there no FAQ? And if there is, why can't I find it? Erg!) UPDATE: As said at the top- figured it out- thanks everybody! I was making it too hard.
As an aside... if this ends up looking like an update- sorry. I'm sort of maybe starting the next chapter, but er... I'm beginning to realize I should write this stuff all at once because I was reading this chapter, right- and kept going 'oh, yeah!' and 'wow, how'd that happen?' and 'oh damn! Didn't see that coming!'
So... yeah... come back muse!