Mind Farts

by NarutosBrat

Just a few drabbles and ideas for anyone whose interested.

5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I escaped from an insane asylum, and I am inflicting the brain dribble I've named plot bunnies upon all of you unwilling victims. Suffer greatly, MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

And it starts again...

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Silly Drabble 25

"Um, Naruto, why did you ask me to meet you at your old apartment, and what's Hinata doing here?" Sakura asked, having taken special care to dress for the purpose of seducing her man. Now that he and Hinata weren't together anymore, it was her chance to make things right.

"She's helping me make a decision." Naruto answered.

"From the way you're dressed, I'm guessing that your plan was to tease Naruto-kun during your date, with the hopes that you'd wake up in his bed naked, sticky, and deliciously sore." Hinata intoned, her soft, breathy voice, and matter of fact tone causing the pinkette to blush. "Don't worry, I approve of that. You know what you want, and now that you've finally absolved yourself of that silly infatuation with Uchiha-san, you finally see what's always been right in front of you. My question to you is, would you love him as I loved him; unconditionally, and without restraint?"

"I'll admit that I'm not sure I could love him as much as you did." Sakura said. "What you two had was beyond special, and frankly, I'm disgusted with the Hyuuga Clan as a whole for splitting you two up. However, I will at the very least try to live up to that example."

"Will you curb your violent tendencies towards him?" Hinata asked, gaining a confused look. "I mean will you at least give him a chance to explain the situation and get all the facts, rather than just hitting him, and only getting the relevant information after you've concussed him. I've see you hit him for slights that he didn't deserve on numerous occassions."

Sakura's face took on an embarrassed pink tint. "Yeah, you're not the first person to point that out to me. I guess it's kind of hard to break habits that I've had since before we were even a team. I have been trying to stop doing that, though."

"Yeah, and she's even getting a bit better at it." Naruto said. "It's only the stuff she perceives as perverted that really sets her off, nowadays."

"I noticed, but catching her from a fall, and you hand accidentally touching her breast is not your fault." Hinata said. "Also, last week when she slipped off that branch, and fell on top of you, she really shouldn't have hit you because her crotch landed on your face."

"Okay, so I've got some really bad habits to work through," Sakura admitted, before giving a wry grin. "-but it's really tough given the kind of conditioning girls in Konoha receive, and the number of genuine perverts this village produces."

"Finally, would you share him with another?" Hinata asked, her face deadly serious. "Could you seriously be with Naruto, knowing that you would be sharing his heart and body with another woman?"

"What, no of course not." Sakura asked, affronted.

"Then I'm afraid that you are not what we're looking for." Naruto said with a sigh. Confused beyond belief, Sakura stood.

"Wait, what's going on, was this some kind of interview?" She glared at the two.

"Sakura," Naruto said seriously, and the lack of honorific especially showed that. "-what I'm about to tell you cannot go beyond these walls. Despite what the Hyuuga Clan wants, Hinata is still very much my girlfriend. While officially, we've agreed to go along with their ploy, unofficially, we're still together, and as much in love as we've been."

"The elders tried to throw me a curve when they told me that I could not marry Naruto, because he was not a Clan heir or head. They, I'm sure, took great pleasure in telling me that the most Naruto could ever be to me was a sperm donor for my children, unless I would be willing to ex-communicate myself from the Clan."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "Hinata-"

"Don't worry, Naruto-kun and Kurama-kun had plenty of curse words to express the general unpleasantness of that decision." Sakura smiled at Hinata's assurance. "Now, what they don't know, is that I plan to do just that in a few years."

"What?" Sakura asked.

"See, right now, Hinata's kind of being held captive by the changes she wants to make to the clan, namely the removal of the Caged Bird Seal." Naruto said. "For the past few months, working on a seal that will replace the current seals used. It functions almost exactly like the current seal, with the notable exception that it doesn't give Main House Hyuuga an avenue to punish and torture the others with. Not only that, but it's a seal all Hyuuga can wear with pride, as it will protect their bloodline, and doesn't have to be branded across their foreheads."

"So how is she going to leave the clan?" Sakura asked, momentarily forgetting that she'd just been rejected.

"Once all of the seals have been replaced, and most of the clan laws repealed, Hinata plans to step down, name Neji as her replacement and relocate to my home."

"Hanabi doesn't want to be clan head." Hinata answered the unasked question.

"Are you sure that will work?" Sakura said. "I'm pretty sure that there's going to be some really stubborn people stuck in their ways who won't accept that."

"Which is why I've gotten permission from the clan to deal with internal Clan matters as a last resort." Hinata said, causing Sakura to gasp. "I don't know if I could do the job myself, but Neji and even my father have agreed that if necessary, we will save what Main House members we can, becore culling the rest, and moving forward with the Branch House and those few we could save."

"Wait, that's why you asked if I could share." Sakura said, understanding.

"Sakura-chan, this issue with the Hyuuga is going to take some time." Naruto said. "In order to divert their attention, I'm going to have to visibly, and believably get over Hinata, and move on. Me finding love, getting married, and starting a family will do just that. The problem was trying to find someone that I knew I could fall in love with, but that would also be willing to share me with the love of my life."

"So, that whole thing with providing her with heirs?"

"Oh, I have definite plans to do so, which is another part of the reason we needed to find someone willing to share."

"So, who else have you asked?"

"You're the first," Hinata admitted. "-but I'm fairly certain that Ayame, Moegi, and Isaribi might be viable options. Maybe even Yakumo-san after Naruto-kun fed her demon to Kurama. So, again I ask, can you share him?"

"To be honest, I just don't know." Sakura said. "I guess have to know, and please don't take this the wrong way, but is he worth it?"

Hinata's eyes narrowed, but Naruto looked thoughtful. "I should probably be offended, but I'm actually a lot more curious of the explanation."

"Until you fixed him, Naruto's feelings for me were as bad an infatuation as what I had for Sasuke, and I have to admit, that while jealous he'd moved on, I was actually kind of glad he had." Sakura said. "At this point, Naruto and I are simply at the mutual physical and sexual attraction I don't doubt that the potential for Naruto and I to fall deeply in love is there, we are a fairly long way from that. Adding in the fact that he's already at that stage with you, it makes the situation even more problematic. I love and care for Naruto very much as a friend, and despite my attraction to him, I am very reluctant to risk what we have"

"Really?" Hinata asked. "You looked fairly sure of yourself, and like I mentioned earlier, you seemed almost as if you'd planned to sleep with him after your date. Was everything you said about loving Naruto before a lie."

"Dating doesn't mean we're getting married, and as shinobi we're trained to separate love from the act of sex." She said. "Not only that, but that was when I thought that it would be just Naruto and I. One on one, I have no doubts about where Naruto and I can go as a couple, but with his heart already given to another woman, I just don't know."

"Sakura-san, Naruto and I have already pledged ourselves to one another." Hinata admitted. "Unofficially, we're all bit married to each other. That being said, I know what his feelings for me are, and I can promise that I would never get in the way of the two of you developing that kind of love for each other. If you give this a chance, I have no doubt that the two of you will love each other just as much as he and I do."

"But how will I know if he does?" Sakura asked. "I think I might be able to accept that, but how would I know if he loves me that much?"

"Trust me when I say, you'll know when that happens." Hinata said, giving a shiver. "It's one of those all encompassing feelings that you could never mistake."

"So you're basically telling me that he's most definitely worth it, and to stop being a stubborn bitch." Sakura said.

"More the former than the latter, really." Hinata said, her smile mischievous. "Sakura, you really are the only other woman I could see equaling me in Naruto's heart, and a large part of me wants to see that happen."

"You know, it's kind of ironic." Sakura noted with a wry smile. "All those years I spent blindly throwing my entire being into trying to force something that would never happen. Yet, when I'm faced with a situation that's as close to a sure thing as you can get, I find myself hesitating for some reason."

"A common failing of genius'," Naruto teased. "-is that they tend to sweat the petty stuff."

"You know what, screw it." Sakura said. "I'd rather try and fail, than miss out on the perfect man because I was too afraid to take a chance."

"Good answer," Hinata said. "-now, you've got two choices. Naruto-kun has a standing reservation at Random Impressive Restaurant, and all it would take is a call to let them know you're on the way. On the other hand, you can give me five minutes alone with Naruto, and skip straight to you plans for after your date."

Sakura seemed to mull over that for a moment before gaining a grin that was more accustomed to Naruto's face. Standing from the cushy chair she'd been occupying, Sakura reached behind her, undid the small knot holding it together behind her neck, and shimmied out of it, leaving it in a pool on the floor. She smirked at the rising lump that was forming in Naruto's pants as she posed in nothing more than a pair of lace red panties she'd gotten from Kunoichi's Secret specifically for the occasion. Liking the attention, and feeling quite sexy, Sakura turned, and headed towards the bedroom of the small apartment, making sure to put a bit of extra sway in her hips.

"Oh, and Sakura, I would advise against petting Naruto's sweaty stuff if you've got plans the next day that require you to get out of bed." Hinata said, smirking at the shiver the woman had before the door closed. "You'll need it to recover."

Seeing Naruto's reaction, Hinata kissed Naruto on the cheek. "I think we definitely have a winner, but I think I should help you calm down so that you don't hurt her with your energetic exuberance."

Hinata, who knew exactly how to take care of her man's sexual needs, had developed a technique especially for situations where Naruto needed to relax quickly. Two and a quarter minutes, five pressure points in his pelvis, and a fair bit of skillful fellatio developed during their four year relationship, had Naruto spilling into her mouth with a loud groan (#. This has nothing to do with Naruto's prowess, and everything to do with the skill, knowledge of Naruto's body and likes, and experience Hinata's gained during their relationship.). After cleaning him up, and fixing his clothes, Hinata kissed her man, and sent him on his way with a final bit of advice.

"Anata, make love to her, as you would with me. Show her what she's getting into, and exactly what she's risking everything for."

As soon as Naruto entered his old bedroom, and the door closed, Hinata grabbed the chair Sakura had vacated, and set it in front of the bedroom door, before taking a seat, and activating her Byakugan. She wanted to see the exact moment Sakura realized what the rest of her life would be like. Not only that, but why waste a perfectly good perverted bloodline. Just because she didn't use it, didn't mean she wouldn't, couldn't, or hadn't.

1. gelbooru DOT com 'temari tenten formal'

2. This has nothing to do with Naruto's prowess, and everything to do with the skill, knowledge of Naruto's body and likes, and experience Hinata's gained during their relationship.

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Silly Drabble 26

"Alright Naruto, enough is enough." Tsunade said. "You're going through the Counter-Seduction training, starting tomorrow."

"But baachan, you said you'd let me lose...it...on my own terms before I had to do that." Tsunade sighed.

"And I was content to let you do that, but that was three years ago." She said. "You're nineteen, Naruto, and as many women as I've seen, and heard of, taking an interest in you, you should have done that by now."

"But I wanted Sa-"

"Sakura is not an option, Naruto." She said. "The girl has no romantic feelings for you, and she never will, end of story. Hell, she's probably the only single girl in the village who isn't even curious about sleeping with you. With the current climate in Iwa, especially since your heritage came out, this is something that can't be put off anymore."

"But baachan, I don't want to do it with just anybody." He complained. "Especially not her." Now while Naruto is indeed referring to a certain purple haired kunoichi, it's not the one you're thinking of. She'd hung up her mesh and trenchcoat when Iruka had made her, purely on accident (1), the mother of his child. No, he was referring to the cold, unfeeling Anbu named Neko. Poor girl hadn't been the same since Hayate was killed.

"Of all the girls that you listed as possible candidates, only one is still single, and as I stated before, there's no chance of that happening, short of you raping her." Naruto winced. "It's what you get for wasting all that time chasing Sakura."

"Can't you do it?" Naruto asked suddenly.

"Naruto-"

"Come on." Naruto pleaded. "I'd feel way more comfortable with you, than her. Besides, you're the one who wants me to do this stupid training anyway." His face then broke into a grin, as he'd thought of a good way out of his predicament.

"Why you little."

"Even better, I'll make you a deal, baachan." Naruto's grin grew even larger, now. "Instead of disappearing within the village like I'd planned, and you know I'm capable of, I'll make you a one time deal. If you do it, then I'll cooperate. If you make me a man, tonight, right here in your office, then I'll report to Neko first thing tomorrow for that training. No resistence, no stalling, no questions asked."

"Are you serious?" Tsunade asked, slightly baffled.

"Dead serious. So what's it gonna be, Tsunade-baachan? How badly do you want me to have this training?" Tsunade growled.

This little brat was teasing her. What was worse, she couldn't really force him without jumping through a lot of legal hoops. As a Genin, he wasn't really supposed to have the training, no matter how much stronger than any other ninja under her control he was, so he was technically exempt. The skills she wanted him to learn were also more for his benefit and her comfort, than any rank requirement. Then agan, maybe she could turn the tables on him. It had been awhile, and he was offering. Plus, she had always been curious about his stamina.

He obviously thought he'd come up with a clever idea, and he was so sure she wouldn't take him up on it. She'd show him. For the first time in her life, Tsunade made a drunken decision while she was completely sober.

"Alright brat, you better get ready." Tsunade suddenly said, making a handseal to lock down her office. "I'm about to show you a meaning of Legendary Sucker Jiraiya only ever dreamed of."

"NANI?!"

1. her retched seal should have prevented it, but with the death of Orochi, her's kind of vanished like Uchiha's

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Silly Drabble 27

"What is it that you want, Sasuke-san?" Hinata Hyuuga asked the Uchiha clan head. "And why did you request such a clandestine meeting?" While she was very forgiving, she was still very reluctant to forgive the former traitor, especially for the hurt and pain he'd caused her fiance for so many years.

"Because I need something from you." Sasuke said.

"What?" Hinata replied apprehensively.

"An heir." He replied, earning him a look of disgust.

"For someone who claims to be my fiance's friend, asking such a thing of his wife seems very suspect." Hinata said, glaring at him.

"If it wasn't for me taking Sakura's attention away from Naruto, you wouldn't be engaged to the Dobe." Sasuke returned, earning a frown from the woman. "You owe me."

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As Hinata returned to her home that night, she was disgusted with herself. How could she have ever agreed to such a deal? She would need a long bath to wash the feeling of wrongness off of her. Still, she'd made the deal, and she was bound to it. She knew she would never have gone to the man for help in the first place, and now she was paying the consequences for making deals with Uchiha. She also knew that she was going to have to confess to Naruto what she'd done, and he would certainly not like it.

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"Naruto-koi?" Hinata whispered, as she held her betrothed in their bed that evening.

"Yeah, Hinata?"

"I've done a bad thing." She started, tears starting to flow.

"What happened?"

"I made a promise that I am being forced to keep, and I fear it may tear our family apart." Hinata said.

"Who is it, what happened?"

"I made a deal with Sasuke." She said, and frowned when he relaxed. "You don't understand, love, I promised him something that I don't know if I can deliver."

"What did you promise him?" Naruto asked. "I can't be that bad can it?"

"I promised him an heir."

"What, but we...I thought." Naruto eyes narrowed. "How did this happen?"

"Do you remember when we first started dating?" Naruto nodded. "Well-"

Flashback

"You owe me."

Flashback within a flashback

"S-Sasuke-san, as much as it pains me to do so, I find myself in need of your help." Sasuke's only acknowledgement was a raise of his brow. "I have finally found the nerve to pursue Naruto-kun, but as I'm sure you have noticed, there is an obstacle that I'm afraid I may not be able to overcome."

Sasuke smirked. "Sakura." Hinata nodded. "And just what do you want me to do about it?"

"Regardless of the budding feelings she may be developing for Naruto, I believe that if you were to ever express an interest in her, she would not hesitate to be with you."

Sasuke's smirk intensified. "Well now, I never would have thought sweet, innocent Hinata could be as deceitful as a proper ninja. Let me guess, I appear to realize my feelings for Sakura, and when she drops Naruto, your path is clear to the man you want."

"More or less." Hinata replied blandly.

"Okay, I'll help you, but I want a favor from you in return."

"What kind of favor."

"A favor to be named at a later time."

Despite the extremely bad feeling she had about agreeing, the words came anyway. "Very well."

End Double Flashback

"Just so you know, I will be telling my husband everything, regardless of the consequences." With a shudder of disgust, Hinata reached behind her to unfasten the obi of her kimono.

"Not so fast, future Uzumaki-san," Sasuke said. "-I said I wanted an heir, not a mere child. I'll admit it is tempting to get one over on the dobe by using my favor to fuck you senseless. It would even be amusing enough to put a brat in your belly, and find out just how forgiving and above revenge Naruto really is, but I need an heir. As much as I hate to admit it, the genes for the Byakugan are far more dominant than those of the Sharingan, and the best that I could hope for would be a recessive Sharingan trait that might get passed along. No, I need a true Sharingan heir, so you will not be sharing my bed, regardless of how eager you seem to be."

"Then what do you want?" Hinata asked, glaring. She was most certainly not eager to do anything of that nature with him, despite what his ego may think.

"Well, I just so happened to be treating my 'girlfriend' to dinner the other night, and she was very excited about another medical anomally that Naruto has achieved." Hinata paled. "Ahh, I see you've heard of Naruto's interesting ability to pass on bloodlines that he doesn't have. Yes, I was rather annoyed about finding I was sterile due to the false death I endured to gain the full powers of the Curse Seal. Then, lo and behold, but I find that the Dobe, using his rather interesting Henge, could turn into an exact genetic copy of me, and pass on my genes. I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with Naruto isn't what it used to be, but I am still enough of his friend that I wouldn't force you to betray him. No, I don't plan on begetting any chldren with you, I want Naruto to transform into me, and conceive a child with Sakura."

"Again, you call yourself his friend." Hinata growled. "You know what kind of mental and emotional turmoil something like this would cause him."

"Tch, you have no room to judge me after what you pulled." Sasuke spat. "I wonder what kind of karma your deceitful path of ensaring Naruto has earned you. Let us see if your relationship, built on such a lie, is strong enough to survive this."

"You're horrible."

"And you are a fool, especially the way you handled this." Sasuke said. "Anyone with half a brain could have seen Naruto and Sakura wouldn't have lasted back then. If you'd just been patience, Naruto and Sakura would have dated, and quickly burned through whatever romantic feelings they needed to to move on. While you almost certainly wouldn't have been his first lover, once they realized they were better off as friends, they would have parted ways romantically, permanently removing your only real competition for Naruto's heart. Not only that, but Sakura would have most certainly pointed him in your direction, removing just about any chance that someone else would have swooped in to take him. However, because you decided to act rashly, you owe me an heir, and your deceit may very well cost you what you worked so hard to get." Sasuke smirked, handing her a slip of paper with an address. "Good luck explaining this to Naruto. Sakura will ovulate- or start to- the day after tomorrow according to her schedule, so he'll be expected at that address then."

End Flashback

"I'm so sorry, Naruto-kun." Naruto's frown severely scared her.

"In a sense, Sasuke was right, you know." Naruto replied in a deadpan. "While I'm not going to end our relationship just because, this situation you got us into is going to complicate things, and I don't see us being able to get married without having a long, serious talk. I think we'll be okay, but I'm going to need some time to deal with this."

"I understand, Naruto-kun." Hinata replied sadly.

"That being said, I knew he could be a bastard sometimes, but this is low even for him." Naruto growled. "And I'm willing to bet Sakura would have shown up not even knowing it's me, not Sasuke she's meeting."

To her shock, Naruto climbed out of bed, and started to dress. "Naruto-kun, where are you going?"

"I need to talk to both Sakura, and Tsunade-baachan as soon as possible." He replied. "I wouldn't wait up, because I get the feeling this isn't going to be resolved quickly or easily."

A/N: If I were to do this one, Naruto and Sakura wouldn't actually have sex exept as an absolute last resort. I would think that they would first try artificial insemination. If that didn't work, then maybe use a speculum to open Sakura up, and then have Hinata manually bring Naruto- transformed as Sasuke- to orgasm. Heir is created, and Hinata gets a measure of punishment from having to jerk off 'Sasuke'.

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Banishiment and CRA! Not on my watch.

"Naruto Uzumaki, you are hereby ban-" The doors to the chamber slammed open.

"Just what the fuck is going on in here?!" Tsunade yelled.

"Hokage-sama, I'm so glad you could join us." Danzo replied silkily. "We were just discussing Naruto's punishment for not only his attack against a fellow Leaf Shinobi with an A-class jutsu, but his interruption of a higly important mission."

"Explain."

"Young Uzumaki has admitted to using the Rasengan on Sasuke Uchiha."

"Only after Sasuke initiated an attack using the Chidori, which I will remind you is also an A-class jutsu, specifically designed to kill." Danzo inwardly flinched. She didn't even bother mentioning the fact that as a shinobi hunting a defectee, Naruto had leave to use as much force as was necessary to prevent it, even if it meant Sasuke's death. The shinobi in the room already knew this.

"He also interrupted, and prevented Sasuke-san from completing an S-class mission of great importance."

"And what was this mission?" She asked, venom dripping from her words.

"To infiltrate the forces of Orochimaru, and relay valuable information to us."

"And who assigned this mission?" She asked. "And why wasn't I informed of it."

"We of the Council didn't feel the need to bother you with such a minor issue." Now that was a load of bull if there ever was one. All missions ranked B and up were to go through her office before being assigned to the mission office, or any of her ninja; and that even included escort detail for the Civilian Council members and the elders.

"So that's how you plan to protect the brat, eh." Tsunade said with a smirk. "Telling me that he'd been assigned an S-ranked mission. Okay, I'll come back to this later, but what penalty are you asking, for Naruto's actions."

"We are asking for banishment from Konoha, and Exile from Hi no Kuni for the remainder of his days. At the very least, imprisonment."

"And you expect me to agree to this?" Tsunade asked.

"You don't have a choice." Danzo replied. "Shinobi protocol dictates-"

"That everything related to the shinobi of this village go through the Hokage for approval." She growled. "But since you want to play your games, I'll play along for now. Let's see, first things first, you claim that Genin Sasuke Uchiha was assigned an S-rank mission to infiltrate Orochimaru's forces. Aside from the fact that sending a Genin- one with the very bloodline that Orochimaru covets- into that man's clutches is tantamount to treason, and a stupidity that makes me question why this Council was even created, Genin are not allowed to take missions above C-rank alone, and even those are rare.

Granted, they can take higher missions with a shinobi of appropriate rank, no shinobi under the rank of Jounin is to be assigned solo S-rank missions, and even those are mostly restricted to Anbu. Besides which, Jiraiya is the only mobile ninja other than myself that this village has with the ability to lead any mission against Orochimaru, and he's already told me that Naruto is the only person he's letting tag along anywhere with him; well anyone that isn't a well proportioned female."

"Young Sasuke is no longer a Genin." Danzo replied. "He has been initiated into the forces of Anbu."

"Oh really?" Tsunade said. "So you admit that you're still running that underground militia of yours behind my back. The one that I remember sensei telling you to disband."

"I would never dream-"

"But you just did." Tsunade smirked. "I know for a fact that such a loose cannon hasn't been allowed into my Anbu without passing a proper psychological exam, which we all know he won't. Neither have I approved his induction into my Anbu, because he does not have the skill level or maturity to join the elite forces. If he's really joined Anbu, then it has to be under your illegal banner, since that's the only other Anbu force that this village has ever held." Giving the man a smirk, she said. "Jiraiya, please escort Elder Danzo to Ibiki; special delivery."

Just as the man was making an attempt to escape, he slumped forward, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. The next thing that anyone saw, was Jiraiya standing, pocketing a scroll.

"The next issue, is that all mission assignments go through the Hokage, and I never approved of this mission. This means that you were going behind my back, trying to use authority that you do not have. What's more, is that even if he was assigned this mission, since you withheld the information from me, the team I sent out to retrieve him ended up being briefed on the return of a defectee. Not only that, but he never revealed to Naruto, during the entire time they were fighting, that he was on a mission. As such, Naruto, based on the information he was given, was well within his rights in using any type of force needed to complete his mission."

The civilians gaped at that, while the shinobi heads couldn't help but snicker...well except for Shikaku who was too lazy, and the Aburame who many wondered if he had a sense of humor.

"By the way, I've already talked to that little traitor, and gotten the whole story."

"What are you talking about?" A pink haired woman asked.

"Under a medical hypnosis, Sasuke Uchiha has already confessed to desertion with the intent of joining Orochimaru for power. I've already had Jiraiya permentantly seal his doujutsu and chakra, and as soon as he's recovered, he will be transferred to the prison to await interrogation and trial. For what he did, he's facing a possible execution."

"You can't-" The woman tried.

"I'm the Hokage." Tsunade growled, "Do not presume to tell me what I can or cannot do."

"No, she means that you cannot execute the last member of a dying clan." Koharu said smoothly. "Especially since he is protected by the CRA."

"What?" Tsunade growled.

"We have decided to nominate Sasuke Uchiha for the Clan Restoration Act." Homura said smoothly. "His wives will include, but will not be limited to Sakura Haruno, Ino Yamanaka, and Hinata Hyuuga." From the scowls that appeared on the faces of the latter two girls' fathers, they were not privy to this information beforehand, and did not approve.

"I see." She said. "So he's being rewarded for defecting, and being the indirect cause of the near deaths of four of our promising young shinobi. Well I'm sorry to tell you, but your plan won't work. As they are the primary heiresses of shinobi clans, and carrying advanced bloodlines of their own, Hinata Hyuuga and Ino Yamanaka cannot be volunteered as the wives for such an act. Not only do they and their Clan Heads have to agree to such a proposal, but I will not allow my ninja to be forced into such foolishness. Now first things first, Hiashi, Inoichi, do you approve."

"I do not." Hiashi stated coldly, before giving an inward shiver. 'Besides, timid though she may be, if my daughter was to be considered for any kind of harem, and her husband-to-be was not a certain blond haired young man, it would likely be the catalyst for her growing a spine, and I have no doubts she would make her displeasure very well known. If she's as much like her mother as I think she is, I wouldn't wish that fate on even Orochimaru.'

"Neither do I." Inoichi growled.

"The Hyuuga and Yamanaka clans have denied your request." Tsunade said, smirking. "As for Sakura, she is a ninja of this village, and I refuse to have any of my kunoichi forced into any kind of arrangement with a traitor. If she chooses to do this of her own free will, then she is more than welcome to, and will be dismissed as a kunoichi to start the Uchiha's family."

"That's alright." The pink woman said smugly, standing to emphasize her point. "I know my Sakura will go along with it, and she'll be just the first of many to bring glory back to the Uchiha clan."

"Keiko Haruno, sit down, and shut up." Tsunade said with a glare. "Given everthing that's happened in the past five years, the Uchiha Clan has no glory, honor, or prestige left in this village amongst their peer clans. Now, I will admit that the Sharingan is a powerful bloodline, but Konoha will not pander to traitors so long as I'm Hokage. Still, if you're insistent upon resurrecting the clan, I guess I have a solution. By order of the Hokage, Keiko Haruno will lead the effort to resurrect the Uchiha clan,"

Said woman smiled at the grinning Hokage, honored at the trust she was being given. The other people in the room, particularly the shinobi, were far more wary of the grin. They'd seen that look on only two other people. Both had been Uzumaki, and both grins had always preceeded some kind of chaos or psychological trauma.

"-by becoming the first of three Sharingan breeding sow." Keiko's smile fell immediately.

"But, I'm too old to be Sasuke-kun's wife." She protested, to say nothing of the fact that she was also already married to Sakura's father.

"I said breeding sow, not wives." Tsunade said. "Sasuke Uchiha, even if he escapes execution, will never see the outside of a prison cell again. He will also be held in a cell of Mikoto Uchiha's design with the help of Kushina Uzumaki who was responsible for the seal work. Uchiha will only be allowed enough chakra to live, and the chakra cells the seals flow into will be emptied once a month for use elsewhere. And before you worry, the seals were made by Kushina to subdue even a Jinchuuriki, so we shouldn't have any trouble keeping Sasuke under wraps. For that reason, if the Council is so sure of resurrecting the bloodline, the boy's sperm will be harvested, and stored."

"But Hokage-sama-" Keiko said, trying to regain her attention to protest the order.

"As for you being too old, tell me Keiko, are you still young and fertile enough to have children?" The woman's blush was answer enough. "Then you are eligible. Also, by order of the Hokage, if she chooses to be so, Sakura Haruno will become the second breeding sow for Sasuke Uchiha's bloodline." Tsunade took great pleasure in the winces of the elder Haruno everytime she said the words 'breeding sow'. Turning to look Koharu directly in the eyes, Tsunade continued.

"As for the third, if you're still even half the kunoichi that trained me in the medical arts, Koharu-san, I'm sure my Youth Jutsu could remove any issues with childbearing that aging may have incurred. If not, a third will be taken from a list of volunteers, and that is final." Tsunade then let her impressive killing intent spread throughout the room.

"Now I want you power hungry mother fuckers to listen, and listen good, because I'm only going to say this once. Sensei may have let you get away with plotting and politicking behind his back, Minato may have even allowed it to an extent, but I am not them. If I find any shred of illegal or improper actions being carried out behind my back again, then I will declare a state of emergency, disband this body completely, and have you all sent to Ibiki and Anko, have I made myself clear?"

Naruto could only watch in awe as Tsunade stormed from the Council Chambers, leaving behind the shivering forms of several frightened civilians, and amused shinobi. Tsunade-baachan had just become number three, behind Yondaime and Jiji, on his list of coolest ninja ever. Because really, sealing a huge ass, rampaging demon was epic, and seeing the old man smack a bunch of shifty looking Anbu around with a big ass stick when he was seven was pretty badass.

In an ironic twist of fate, Sakura declined being apart of Sasuke's CRA 'harem'. That he'd actually tried to kill Naruto, coupled with the fact that she'd be dismissed as a kunoichi, and that she'd forever be labeled by the other Rookies as Sasuke's Breeder(ing Sow), it just wasn't worth the trade. Really, with a choice of being Tsunade's apprentice or Sasuke's Breeder, the decision wasn't exactly that hard.

When they found out about his attempted defection, a number of his other fangirls suddenly found themselves questioning their feelings for him. The rather specific label of breeding sow, not wife, of the Uchiha turned away even more girls and women than his attempted defection.

In the end, Keiko ended up being the only woman willing to bear Uchiha heirs (she kept telling herself that the prestige of the Uchiha Clan was worth it, regardless of the fact that any prestige the clan may have had was now a distant memory), and for some reason, Sakura couldn't find it in her to feel any sympathy for her mother on that front. It was also telling that Kizashi Haruno divorced his wife, and recommended that his ex-wife not raise the children she bore, given how Sakura had initially turned out.

A few years later, in an odd turn of events, Naruto would end up with the harem that the Council had been trying to give to the Uchiha...though for entirely different reasons. When Naruto started paying more attention to Hinata- who'd sprouted in very succulent ways, though he wasn't shallow enough for that to be the main reason- Sakura decided to snag him before she lost him, not realizing that she no longer had his single-minded devotion. When she made him choose- a choice he was most certainly not in any position to make- Naruto panicked.

Enter Ino, who saw the panicking Naruto, and inquired the reason. After hearing said reason, she very calmly reminded Sakura that between Naruto's natural stamina, and his ability to abuse the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, he could easily take care of multiple women. When Sakura acquiesed to this arrangement, Ino invited herself into the relationship, citing that since she was the one who came up with the best solution, she should be included.

Hinata didn't mind so long as she got Naruto, and got to hug him, and kiss him, and take off his pants. What happened after the pants came off, and it was revealed what Naruto was packing...well, let's just say that the rating of this drabble would have gone beyond even what this site is willing to allow. I'll just sum it up with pregnancies being a direct result.

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Oops (Or how Madara outhought himself)

Due to the fact that Madara- who was already overpowered as an Uchiha- had also gained the Rinnegan, it came as no suprise that he won, and became the Jinchuuriki for the Juubi. The only problem was that after the war to obtain it, he didn't have much of a world to rule over and control with his Moon Eye Genjutsu. Much like your typical megalomaniac, having ultimate power and ultimate control meant nothing if they didn't have someone to lord said power over. Not only that, but Uchiha tended less towards genuine creativity, so creating a completely new world to lord over from scratch wasn't a very good option.

Deciding to take the easy way out, Madara used his new powers to warp reality and reverse time. Realizing that his current plans would likely unravel all his work if he just went back in time, Madara decided to skip to an alternate timeline instead, before reversing. What was this brilliant plan? He would go back to eliminate the threats to himself, and his complete rule. Now, he'd thought about going back to the time of Hashirama, and unleashing the Juubi on Konoha, but he didn't want to take the chance that the bastard Senju would be able to suppress the Juubi like he did the Kyuubi. Not to mention, that Uzumaki broad kind of scared him. She had sealed, not soul attached, the Kyuubi into herself as an adult, without the aid of the Rinnegan, with no ill effects, and that just wasn't natural.

Now that he thought about it, it would probably be a good idea to go to a time where the Uzumaki Clan were no longer a threat as well. Sure, he could probably defeat them, but no point taking any chances. The safest point would probably be when Obito was attacking Konoha for the Kyuubi. Not only could he deal with the Yondaime, but he could also take care of Obito while he was at it. He didn't want to admit it, but the man was possibly the biggest threat to him aside from Nagato, who he'd deal with afterwards. If he timed things, and played his cards right- and maybe even used the Juubi- he could probably even level Konoha, and kill both the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki and the supposed God of Shinobi as well.

So after making some loose plans, Madara made his trip back in time to the night the Kyuubi was supposed to attack Konoha. Just as he'd hoped, he'd arrived just as Obito was about to take the Kyuubi out of its current vessel. Given that it would be much more advantageous to kill her, let the fox disappear, and be prepared to seal it away when it resurfaced in a few years, Madara attacked his protege. It was a testament to how well he'd trained the brat that the shock of being attack by his mentor didn't keep him from defending himself. While he was able to easily overcome the boy- even with that incorporeality jutsu- it took longer than he'd expected, and Kushina had been freed and spirited away before he'd gotten the chance to deal with her.

No matter, he would still get the chance kill Minato, all he had to do was draw him out, and he had the perfect tool to do so. Activating his Rinnegan eyes, Madara used a special version of the Izanagi to remove the Juubi from his body. Switching his eyes back to his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan, he used his eyes to hypnotize the monstrous biju. Now all he had to do was wait until that blond haired nuisance showed up to save the day to kill him.

Just as he thought, the fabled Yondaime Hokage arrived just as his beast reached Konoha, and unleashed a tailed beast ball. Madara had to admit he was impressed that the boy had been able to deflect such a powerful attack, but there wouldn't be a second chance to save his village. Now, he would die. As Madara ignored Minato's attack to land a clean, fatal one of his own, he forgot one thing. He wasn't a true Jinchuuriki. It is this fact that changed the course of events that night, and that we shall return to later.

To his surprise, Madara found defeating the Yondaime much more difficult than he'd expected it to be. Not only were the man's natural speed and reflexes enough to sometimes confuse even his Eternal Sharingan, but he was also very capable with that damnable flash jutsu of Tobirama's. As a matter of fact, his skill with the jutsu, combined with his physical capabilities was throwing off his doujutsu. He would have to use some trickery to kill this fool, and what better way than to use a strategy gamely employed by the blond's own brat.

Unfortunately, this bit of planning distracted him long enough to find himself taking a palm thrust to the chest. The random attack- which he was curious about, since it did no descernable damage- confused him to the point that he missed a very clear chance to counter-attack. It was only a moment later, when the blond made a seal, and he felt his control of the Juubi slip away that he realized what the attack was. That damnable brat had used a contract breaking seal on him. What was worse, not only did end the hypnosis he had on the Juubi, but he could feel his bond with the Juubi shatter.

And thus we come back to Madara's status of not being a true Jinchuuriki. You see, while being the Juubi Jinchuuriki had made him damn near invincible, unlike the Jinchuuriki who'd had their biju for nearly all their lives, it was only when the Juubi was inside of him that he received those benefits. Now, had he done like Bii, Yugito, or Naruto, and taken control of the Juubi's chakra, then there was a chance the effects would have remained at maybe half power.

It was for this reason, moments later, that when he employed his 'take one to give one' strategy- counting on the durability being a jichuuriki provided- Madara Uchiha found himself in for the shock of his life. Rather than just a painful feeling of organ rearrangement that the Rasengan should have given him, he was exponentially surprised to feel his back exploding outwards. What was more, was that he'd been so sure that the attack wouldn't truly harm him, he hadn't thought to use any alternative means of protection like the Izanagi.

As the life faded from his eyes, Madara's last thought was how had things gone so wrong? Having been a shinobi for over a decade, Minato knew not to take any chances. Having recognized the man as Madara Uchiha- who was supposed to have been killed by the Shodai Hokage- Minato severed his head, to ensure that he was truly dead. That threat dealt with, Minato turned to the much bigger threat to his village, the rampaging beast.

Now, one thing to realize, is that folks born to the Uzumaki Clan had a very strong disposition. In point of fact, Kushina's Uzumaki heritage would have allowed her to even survive having the Kyuubi removed, regardless of the fact that she'd just given birth. Even half dead, she'd have been alive enough to subdue Kyuubi long enough for her husband to seal the fox into their son. This time around, and ironically enough thanks to someone who'd actually intended to kill her, Kushina was not only very much alive, but also rapidly healing and recovering thanks to the Kyuubi still inside her.

By the time her husband had finished off Madara, Kushina was back on her feat, and in fighting condition. It didn't take very much effort for them to realize that the only way to even attempt to subdue the beast was sealing it. More to the point, both Minato and Kushina quickly realized exactly how strong a seal would be needed.

Fact- The seal he planned to use called for an infant, unless it was sealed into the body of an Uzumaki.

Fact- The Juubi can only be sealed by a descendant of the Rikudou Sennin. This means an Uzumaki, or someone with combined Senju and Uchiha DNA.

Fact- The only Senju left was Tsunade, the only Uzumaki left were Kushina and his son, and the only Uchiha young enough to even be considered (little Sasuke), was too old. This meant that only his son and his wife were a possibility.

Fact- Kushina was already the Jinchuuriki of the once thought most powerful biju in existence, the Kyuubi. Trying to seal an even more powerful entity into her would be not only dangerous, but stupid enough to permanently land him on the couch for even suggesting it. Not to mention, trying to seal the beast into the only person keeping it subdued would probably be a bad thing. Thus, he was left with only one choice, his son.

With an application that she'd never tried using before- one that she'd been surprised that even the Kyuubi had assisted her with- Kushina used her special chakra ability made from the Kyuubi's power, to subdue the Juubi while Minato sealed it into Naruto. Naruto became the first true Jinchuuriki of the Juubi since the Rikudou Sennin. While Minato gave his life to seal the Juubi, Kushina survived to raise their son.

Now that would certainly make things very interesting for the future, ne?

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Silly Drabble 28

"Huh, well that's surprising." Tsunade said, looking down at the nude, sleeping form of her pseudo-son. "You'd think with him being a Jinchuuriki, and the vessel of the Kyuubi even, that he'd be a lot bigger than that." While Shizune didn't know why Tsunade had decided to strip him, and knock him out for a routine check up (well she could think of a few, but none that Tsunade would engage in with Naruto), she couldn't help but agree.

"Poor Naruto-kun." She said. "It's already bad enough that it'll be difficult to find a girlfriend because of the Kyuubi. Even with his inhuman stamina, with him being that small, it's going to be almost impossible for him to find someone."

"For someone whose done so much for this village, it just seems wrong that he should suffer like this." Tsunade said. "Shizune, bring me my tools."

"Tools, Tsunade-sama?"

"My sealing kit, and my red scroll." Shizune's eyes widened.

"Tsunade-sama, you can't mean to-"

"Can't mean to what, fix a grave injustice." Shizune was sufficiently silenced, and ran off to complete her errand.

8888

Elsewhere in an otherworldly tower...

"Damn it Karma, you screwed up, and I had to fix another one of your messes."

"What did I do this time?" Karma replied, grumbling at being disturbed.

"Naruto-kun returned from his training with Jiraiya not properly hung, and I had to ensure that he received the first part of his cosmic blessing for being Fate and Destiny's second to bottom bitch." The first woman growled. The only reason that she'd allowed the two to make use of another poor child like that was because they'd promised that this one would receive a proper blessing from Karma for his troubles. 'That poor Potter boy just couldn't catch a break. And to think he got shafted by Karma when it came time for his payment for his suffering, and stuck with the redhead, instead of the eccentric, kinky blonde, or the little nympho, Veela brat.'

"Eheh, oops." Karma said bashfully.

"Just what the hell were you doing during his critical growth period?" Her eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you were spying on that Uchiha boy, hoping to see some dirty yaoi action between him and any one of the other disturbingly high number of Bishounen or androgynous boys that 'serve' Orochimaru."

"Maybe." Karma muttered, cheeks pinkening, blood dribbling from her nose.

"Dear me, you're like that damned Jiraiya with that pink haired girls perversive tendencies." She grunted.

"Sorry, Kami-sama." Karma replied. "It won't happen again."

"Make sure that it doesn't." Kami said. "I promised his parents a harem for what we had planned for him, so he'd better get it."

"Right, anyone specific." Karma said.

"As long as one of them is the white eyed stalker with the huge boobs, I don't care." Kami said. "And no boys or gender-bending either."

"Aww." Karma whined, visibly deflating.

8888

"Now how's that for an upgrade?" Tsunade said, revealing Naruto's new equipment to Shizune who blushed. Had she not already firmly placed Naruto in the little brother category, she'd probably be doing something inappropriate to him in front of her mother figure- something that involved her mouth, and Naruto's new endowment.

"I think that Naruto-kun finally has the generous endowment that he's earned." Shizune said. "Although, I think you might have over done it just a bit."

"Are you kidding?" Tsunade said. "It's the perfect size for the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki."

"Still, I didn't think that breast enlargement jutsu could be used on that." Shizune said, slightly awed.

"It actually shouldn't have worked." Tsunade admitted. "But given Naruto's luck with everything else, well, I figured it certainly couldn't hurt to try. Besides, even if I'd been wrong, the worst that would have happened is Naruto having a set of D's; and given that jutsu of his, I'm pretty sure he's capable of dealing with having breasts."

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Silly Drabble 29

"I'm in love with Sasuke." Naruto said.

"Ha, I knew it." Kiba shouted. "But man, considering things, didn't expect you of all people to be gay."

"I'm not gay, I like girls."

"How the hell can you like girls when you just said you're in love with Sasuke?" Kiba was confused, and with this subject matter, confusion was dangerous.

"I don't know." Naruto said, missing the pale features of a certain Hyuuga. "I'm attracted to girls, hell, I even have pervy dreams about Hinata and Sakura all the time. Somehow, though, I know I'm in love with Sasuke."

"I just can't see how you can like girls, but love a guy." Shino interrupted at that point.

"Hmm, maybe it's because with a pair of breasts, and a few softened features, Uchiha could be mistaken for a girl."

"I guess you could be right." Kiba conceded. "Still majorly fucked up though. I guess this explains that obsession you had with bringing him back, eh."

888

A certain blond shot up in bed, shaking uncontrollably, breathing heavily, and covered in sweat. That dr...no nightmare, it was horrible, and it explained so much, especially the questioning looks he got when he mentioned returning Sasuke. Naruto knew what he had to do.

Several minutes later found a dressed Naruto knocking on Sakura's bedroom window. Naruto dodged the fist that came through it moments later, catching Sakura before he lost her balance.

"Naruto, you had better have a good reason for waking me up."

"Sakura, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can continue chasing Sasuke." She looked confused, so he elaborated. "If the opportunity presents itself, then I'll drag his ass back, but that's all. I'm not about to have people thinking I'm in love with that bastard because I'm so gung ho about my promise to you."

"Sure, whatever." She said, her sleepy mind still not quite processing what she was being told. "Now leave. And if you ever wake me up this late for something that isn't a dire emergency, I'm going to tie you to a bed, and lock you in a room with Karin." Naruto paled as Sakura slammed her window shut.

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Silly Drabble 30

Naruto ends up with a harem of all of the named Uchiha kunoichi fangirls.

"Okay Naruto, why did you call the two of us here?" Sakura asked. "And why have you called only us?"

"I also notice that your girlfriend is missing." Ino added. "You wouldn't happen to be planning something special for her, would you?"

"Well, that's part of it, but not the main point." Naruto said. "I called you here, because I felt that as my friends, I should warn you. As you know, Karin and I have been dating for awhile now, and last night she and I...well we...the first."

"You had sex." Sakura stated plainly. "We know what happened, hell the whole village knows as loud as she was."

"Come on Forehead, admit it." Ino teased. "You were jealous of her for a bit. I know I was for like the first half hour...after that, the noise just got annoying." Naruto started turning a bit red. "Learn a privacy seal, will you, Naruto."

"Right, sorry." Naruto scratched the back of his head bashfully, wondering if he'd applied the one he'd learned from Jiraiya wrong, before becoming serious again. Sakura blushed for a moment, again noticing what her sensei had been telling her. Just like Tsunade with Jiraiya, serious Naruto was seriously a turn on. It was something she only really saw on missions, but Kami if he wasn't hot when his went serious- she'd almost jumped him the first time she saw him go from playful to serious in the blink of an eye. Unlike her shishou, Sakura could at least admit that if Naruto were like that more often, instead of the bumbling idiot that she was starting to suspect he only pretended to be nowadays, it probably would have been her screaming her throat raw, instead of Karin.

"Well, while we were doing that, I made a very...disturbing...discovery."

"Ooh, is it something kinky?" Ino asked, suddenly interested in the potential gossip, earning glares from the other two. "What, she seems like the Anko level kinky type."

"I think Karin is trying to create me a harem or something." Naruto said bluntly. "After we...uh, finished, she was muttering about how it was a travesty that I only had one girlfriend, and that it was her job as my future wife to ensure that I had more lovers. She said I should have at least one girlfriend for every time I saved the village, or played a big enough part in saving it that I should have gotten some acknowledgement. By my count, that's three, even if the first time I didn't have much say in the matter." Ino gave him a curious look, but Sakura seemed to know what he was talking about. "Kyuubi, Chuunin Exams against Gaara, and Pein. She's also admitted to being, at the very least, bi-curious, but from some of the stuff she was saying I get the feeling it's way beyond curiosity."

"Chill out, Naruto." Ino said. "It was probably just the sex talking. Good sex can make anyone delirious afterwards, and having them saying things they really don't mean. Trust me, I know." She'd almost decided that Kiba was the one during their very brief relationship. "And from what we heard, I highly doubt she was in her right mind. And that's before you factor in that the girl is already just a bit round the twist." If only they knew how the two of them had hooked up in the first place.

"I don't think it was the sex talking." Naruto said. "She was even asking herself whether or not she should bring pictures of my penis along when she was recruiting/seducing my new girls."

"I knew that girl was out of her freaking mind." Sakura grumbled. Ino agreed, although she could admit to being interested in seeing a picture or two; especially if the rumors were true.

"Just be careful around Karin, okay." Naruto warned. "I'm not sure why, but I think she's really serious about creating me a harem, and I think she might be targeting one of you first."

"What, are you saying you don't want us to be a part of your harem?" Ino teased.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but I don't want or need a harem." Naruto said. "I really like Karin, and she's more than enough for me. Plus you're my friends, and I wouldn't want either of you...well forced, into anything you didn't want."

"Don't worry, Naruto, we can take care of ourselves." Sakura said. "We're not going to be forced into anything." Besides, if it actually happened, she doubted that either Ino or herself would have been forced. "Just out of curiosity though, how come you didn't ask Tenten and Hinata to come too?"

"Tenten has a boyfriend, and Hinata's engaged." He shrugged. "Karin might be a little off, but I doubt she'd go after a girl in a relationship. You two are the only single female friends I have that she'd target. She already knows that I consider Ayame, Moegi, Shizune, and baachan family; and more than just in a close friend manner."

At first, Sakura had been just a tad annoyed about not being included in that number, but after he'd explained that everyone on that list had treated him like an annoying little/overprotective big brother from the moment they met (or warmed up to him in Shizune and Tsunade's case), she let it go. Well that, and even though he could objectively admit they were very attractive, he could detach himself from that attraction. Sakura was one of the girls he hadn't been able to do that with- the naughty dreams he'd still had about her were proof of that.

"Thanks for the warning, but I don't think we have anything to worry about." Ino said. "You probably just rocked her world, and she wasn't prepared for it."

"Just remember, be careful." Naruto said. 'Something tells me that if Karin is serious about a harem, at least one of them is gonna be in it.'

"So, what's this surprise you're planning?" Ino asked.

"Well..."

She kidnaps Sakura while Naruto is on a mission, who wakes up tied up in a harness with her tight rump waving in the air.

"What's going on here?" A face popped up. "Karin?!"

"Hiya Sakura-chan."

"What's going on here?"

"Your training for Naruto-sama." She chirped, disappearing behind her. "Now, when I ask whose your daddy, you say Naruto-sama. Whose your daddy?"

"Let me go, you psycho."

"Wrong answer." Sakura's eyes suddenly teared up as a loud THWACK preceded a severe pain in her behind.

Several hours later found a glaze eyed Karin furiously diddling herself with one hand, and brandishing a paddle in another. Still tied up in a harness, her behind bright red, and her pussy leaking uncontrollably, was a very aroused Sakura. Who knew that being spanked was such a huge turn on?

"Let's try this again." Karin said. "Whose your daddy?"

"I'm not sure, maybe you should tell me again." THWACK "Mmn."

"You know, I'm starting to think you're enjoying this." Karin said, half aroused/half annoyed.

"What gave me away?" Sakura said sarcastically. "The fact that I've been moaning for the past half hour, or the fact that my pussy's practically oozing?" Sakura smirked, but Karin couldn't see it. "By the way, I'm not gonna say it until you make me cum."

"Well, I've always wanted to try going down on a girl." Karin replied. It didn't take much time at all for Karin to have Sakura screaming out a good strong climax. As the pinkette moaned and twitched in the harness Karin came around so that she could look into Sakura's eyes. "Let's try this one more time. Who's your daddy, Sakura-chan?"

"Naruto-sama." Sakura groaned, causing Karin to grin maniacally.

"One down, one to go."

888

We find ourselves in one of the better teashops in Konoha, where two young women are sitting. Both were former members of the Sasuke fanclub, and both had since gotten over that bout of stupidity. Currently, they were sharing a table, eyes locked, arms and legs crossed, and determined expressions on their faces. As the two kunoichi sat in the secluded booth in the cafe, Ino smirked at the redhead. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help but tease her.

"So, Naruto tells me that you're creating him a harem." Ino taunted. "He also mentioned that you're interested in all of this hotness." Karin's eyes widened just a tad in shock, amusement, then relief.

"So you know why I asked you here." Ino's eyes widened just a tad this time. So Naruto wasn't paranoid, she really was doing this. "Here are the facts. I like you, and I want you. Now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way, the choice is yours (1)."

"What makes you think I'd be interested?" Ino blustered.

"The fact that you're not deaf." Karin replied easily. "I'm a screamer, it's not a secret, and that was through two privacy seals." Karin suddenly pulled a small slip of paper that Ino almost mistook for a paper bomb, until she realized it was two storage seals. Karin sat it on the table, slid it across, and motioned for Ino to unseal it. The blonde rolled her eyes, before doing so. What popped out shocked her again. From one seal came a picture of man's penis, a large penis. From the pubes- and the fact that it was Karin who gave it to her- she could pretty much guess who it belonged to. On the right was the biggest dildo she'd ever seen.

"What is this?"

"This is the easy way." Karin explained. "You see, the left is a picture of Naruto-sama's cock. On the right, is a toy that is about the same size as Naruto-sama's cock. The easy way is you take these home with you, do some thinking, and come to the conclusion on your own that you want to be owned and ruined by my boyfriend, and come see me tomorrow. The hard way is you try to resist, I capture you, and use my own copy of this dildo and a strap-on harness to turn you out. I happen to like men and women, so either way is fine with me."

"Just out of curiosity, have you talked to Sakura yet?" Karin nodded. "And?"

"Sakura decided to choose the hard way, now she can't wait to have Naruto-sama split her in two." Karin bragged. "Though I had to turn her ass bright red to fully convince her. Fair warning, I've got a body harness, a couple high powered vibrating eggs, and some lube waiting if you choose the hard way. And if I'm honest, I'm kind of hoping you choose to make me work for it."

"I just bet you are." Ino said smirking. She already knew what her answer was likely to be, but it didn't hurt to make sure. "Well, I'll just take these, and head on home, though I would be expecting some company."

"So even after I warned you, she still ended up getting to you?" Naruto asked.

"Like I said before, we weren't forced into anything." Sakura said. "Even though we weren't really wanting to join a harem, we aren't exactly opposed to the idea of being with you."

"Speak for yourself." Ino said with a cheeky grin on her face. "After listening to her scream like that, and then seeing proof that you have horse genes, I was more than willing to get in on the action, and was secretly hoping that you weren't BSing us."

"Sakura is just trying to preserve some shred of dignity." Karin reported. "Once I started spanking her, she only held out from agreeing as long as she did because she hadn't cum, and she thought I would have stopped if she said it."

1. yes, I was watching the booty warrior episode of the Boondocks while I was writing this

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Silly Drabble 31

"Hey Ino, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's wrong Naruto?" Ino asked.

"I've got this friend, and he really likes this girl." Ino smiled, already knowing what was going on. It was really sweet that he liked her, plus he was cute and strong, so it wouldn't be so bad to date him. Not to mention, being able to rub this in Sakura's face since the girl seemed almost arrogantly sure that Naruto would wait for her to decide she liked him back.

"Is she attractive?"

"Yeah, she's really pretty." Naruto enthused. "Anyway, he really likes her, but he's kind of shy about it. He doesn't know whether or not he should ask her, because he's afraid that she might reject him. He said that he's had a crush on her since they were Genin, and that he wishes that he could express how he felt for her. Hey, you're a girl, what should he do?"

"I think he should just tell the girl." Ino said. "You never know, she just might like him back. And even if she doesn't, well, at least he has the confidence in himself to ask a girl, and there just might be a better one out there for him anyway."

"Really, thanks, I'll go tell him." Naruto runs off to find Lee.

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Couple days later, Ino was headed back home after a delivery from her parent's shop, and ran into Naruto and Hinata, who seemed awfully cuddly together.

"What's going on here?" She asked, slightly offended, and quite confused.

"I'm on my first date." Naruto said grinning. "Hinata is so awesome."

"But...I thought you liked me." Ino protested.

"Yeah, as a friend." Naruto said. "Wait, you thought I liked you like that?"

"Well yeah, usually when a guy tells a girl that he's got a friend who wants to ask a girl out, the guy is trying to secretively tell the girl he likes her." Naruto turned to Hinata.

"Really?" She nods, shyly.

"Oh, well sorry to confuse you." Naruto said. "But I was actually talking about my friend."

"Naruto-kun, how are you this you-" A voice loudly cleared its throat, bringing attention to the kunoichi standing next to him. "Sorry, Tenten. How are you this wonderful afternoon?"

"Good job, Lee." Tenten said, kissing him on the cheek. "Remember, normal tones, and calming down on the youth outbursts. I don't mind it some, Kami knows it's done wonders for your stamina and physique, but a girl can only take so much."

"Do not worry, Tenten." Lee said. "I will prove myself to you. And if I cannot do that-"

"Then you will no longer have a girlfriend." Lee blushed, but nodded at the gentle rebuke. "Don't worry, I'm not trying to change you, just teach you some moderation."

"Hey, looks like your advice worked." Naruto said to Ino who frowned deeply. That hadn't gone at all like she imagined it would go.

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Silly Drabble 32

"Hey Hinata, how come you don't like Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked one day. "I mean I'm glad since it's one less girl I have to worry about, but why do you like Naruto instead of Sasuke-kun? Sasuke is so much cooler, and handsome that Naruto."

"H-hai, Sasuke-san is v-very attractive." Hinata agreed, not knowing that Naruto was standing just a couple feet behind her, in very easy hearing range. "A-almost girlishly so." She inwardly smirked at the frown that Sakura gave her. "But unlike N-Naruto-kun, he doesn't have a p-personality. He's always mean, a-and he isn't very friendly either. I like Naruto-kun because he's nice, he's courageous, and he doesn't let anyone or anything keep him down. Naruto-kun doesn't have to be more handsome that Sasuke-san, because he's better than him." There was also the fact that having lived the formal, privelaged life, she found Naruto's peasant life very attractive and somewhat exciting.

Naruto grinned at the indigo haired girl in front of him, and couldn't help hugging her from behind. Hinata tensed when she felt a pair of arms encircle her from behind, and was about to strike out at her attacker. That is, until she felt the nature of the embrace, and caught the scent of forest. Realizing who it was that was hugging her, Hinata's eyes went wide...then they rolled, and she went limp.

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Silly Drabble 33

What if Obito was wrong? What if Madara's ultimate plan isn't the moon eye? What if he was just a wierdo who wanted to see the ultimate deathmatch. Uchiha vs. Uzumaki (since the Senju were all but gone, and the Uzumaki were related to the Senju). He wishes to attach the Hachibi to Sasuke, and have him fight Naruto with the Kyuubi. Both would have seals placed on them, and the winner of the deathmatch would become the Jinchuuriki for the Juubi. And if Konoha got destroyed during the battle, well, that was just a bonus.

"Oh, and the winner gets the Rinnegan, which is like the Sharingan on steroids."

"Dude, you're fucking insane." Naruto said.

"Meh, I'm almost a hundred, I blame senility." Madara replied shrugging. "Now, let's get it on!"

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Silly Drabble 34

I got the idea for this from an episode of family guy, when Brian's cousin came to town.

"Sakura, I've figured out how to tell if Sasuke is gay or not." Naruto said as he and Sakura were waited on the raven haired member of their team.

"Na-ru-to," Sakura growled. "Are you trying to say that Sasuke-kun is in the closet?"

"No, Sasuke isn't in the closet, he's in Narnia." Naruto said. "Look, I'm doing this for your own good, Sakura. If I can prove he's gay, then you can concentrate more on being a good ninja, instead of wasting time fangirling." Sakura huffed.

"Fine, how are you going to do this?" She asked.

"With house music."

"There's nothing gay about boys liking house music." Sakura said.

"No, there isn't," Naruto agreed. "As a matter of fact, it's perfect for when you're feeling particularly silly, and want to dance like a complete loon. What is gay, is the way he'll choose to dance to said music. There's a much more feminine quality to it, that had it been performed by a girl would be kinda sexy. Most straight guys just bob, sway slightly in a manly way, two step, or fist pump."

"And how would you know what a gay guy dancing to house looks like?" Sakura asked.

"I ran an errand for jiji once, and I accidentally went into the wrong bar." Naruto said shuddering. When the last Uchiha finally made it, Sakura glanced at Naruto, who nodded.

"Bmp - Bmp - Bmp - Bmp Bmp - Bmp - Bmp - Bmp," Naruto started of softly, and both he and Sakura were startled when Sasuke somewhat perked up. As Naruto got louder and faster, adding a hi hat sound to the rhythm, Sasuke started swaying back and forth, before bobbing his head and torso back and forth, added to the sway, to the beat. Sakura looked on, her hopes and dreams for the future being dashed by what she was seeing. She knew her plans had been ruthlessly slaughtered, when her crush stood, and began swaying and girating his hips in a questionable manner.

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Silly Drabble 35

In an ironic twist of fate, Akimichi men, while large in stature, are rather lacking where it counts. However, a cheeky comment in a moment of teasing fun makes Naruto and the Uzumaki Clan a friend to the Akimichi for ever.

"So Girl, has Chouji used his 'Partial Expansion' on you, yet?" Girl completely missed the insinuations Naruto was making.

"Of course he has."

"I bet that felt real good, huh?" Girl looked at him like he was crazy.

"Hell no, it hurts." She argued back, thinking of all the times she'd been blasted by one of Chouji's enlarged fists.

"Huh, I guess I never thought of that." Naruto said. "If they can't control how big they make it, then I guess it would hurt."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Girl finally asked. "What do you mean control how big they make it?" Placing his hand in his lap to simulate grabbing a certain appendage, he opened his fist to indicate an increase in size. While he did this, he repeated.

"You know, partial expansion." Girl's eyes suddenly went wide, and filled with hearts and stars. "I wonder if the Nara have figured out all the kinky possibilities of their Shadow Possession." The next thing he knew, he'd been tackled to the floor, and Girl had kissed him on both cheeks, and his lips, each kiss punctuated by a heartfelt thank you.

Over the next couple weeks, Naruto would find himself pulled into bearhugs from random members of the Akimichi Clan, once even having his face maternally shoved into the heaving bosom of Chouji's mother as she thanked him- and this from a woman whose jubblies were about two and a half cups bigger than Tsunade. He would also receive many thanks from the Nara Clan, most of the men forced by their significant others, but thankfully they were too lazy for anything more than verbal appreciation. Of course we'd be remiss if we failed to mention a cousin of Shikamaru's who tried to stick a pair of shadowy hands up and down Naruto's pants in thanks. Luckily she didn't think to use the Shadow Possession before she used the Shadow Neck Binding to grope him.

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Silly Drabble 36

Fair warning. This was written before Naruto hooked up with Bii, and made Kyuubi his bitch.

A heart to heart with Kishimoto; well, we have a computer with a connection to beyond the fourthwall. Since we're not allowed to feature a living character. I'll ask a question, and Kishimoto, or some representative of his will e-mail us his answer.

N: First question. Why did Sasuke get all the hot fangirls, and I get Hinata? Don't get me wrong, she's beautiful, I really do love her, and I'm grateful to have such a wonderful wife, but well, all things considered.

NK: You're the titular character, your life was just as fucked up as his, and you had to deal with so much worse than he did, right, especially once things picked up?

N: Well, yeah.

NK: Actually, that was kind of my bad. Originally, Sasuke was supposed to be the overall main character, but I realised his name just didn't sound right for it, nor did he really have the charisma to carry the series (1). His life was going to be an uber fucked up combo of both yours and his.

N: (winces)

NK: Yeah. That's also kind of why the Sharingan seemed so overpowered. You have to give your tragic heros major powerups to deal with the evil super Uchiha, and he was originally it. After I changed it to you, I separated the demon aspects because I had to give you some kind of tragic past. Kind of forgot to go back and edit that, and by the time I remembered, well...

N: Um...what does this have to do with the girls?

NK: I'm getting there. Anyway, I made you the title character, but I still had all these ideas for Sasuke, and different girls for him that I didn't want to just throw out, so I decided to just throw them in, change their personalities, and made them fangirls. The problem was, now I didn't have a special girl for the main character. So I pulled a character that was going to be in the background, made a few adjustments to her, and voila, Naruto Uzumaki's possible love interest.

N: So, Hinata is supposed to be better than a harem? Well, I guess you could say that, and I'd agree, but most people wouldn't.

NK: The reason Hinata is better is simple. Physically, she is a combination of all of the main Sasuke fangirls. Yes, a combo of their bust sizes, and their behinds, with womanly hips, and a kind, loving disposition to top it off.

N: So-

NK: While Sasuke has a bunch of girls who think they love him, you have a girl that really loves you. While Sasuke has a bunch of girls that you'd want to hook up and spend a few hot nights with, you have a woman who you can spend the rest of your life with.

N: So then why give me the crush on Sakura?

NK: Moving from your initial crush on Sakura, to realizing that the right woman for you was Hinata was supposed to show your growth and maturity throughout the series.

N: So will the readers ever get to see me and Hinata hook up?

NK: I'm not sure exactly. The plot has kind of gotten away from me a bit, but you already know what happens, and that things work out.

Naruto: Right then, next question. Why the frikkin hell did you make me such a moron as a kid? I mean, I was borderline retarded.

NK: Um, I actually don't have any reason for that, I just thought it would be funny. (GONG)

Naruto: (glaring) Don't think this is over...not by any stretch of the imagination. Okay, last question of the interview. Why did you make Sasuke into a raving lunatic? I can understand the whole consumed by revenge, and establishing him as the major villain, but why did you make him go completely nutso? Why did you make him turn out like that geriatric cuckoo with the moon fetish? With the exception of the obsessive fangirls, most of the series' fans lost any and all respect for him that he'd earned for his abilities as a ninja?

NK: You know, I don't have a reason for that- at least not a good one. About the only thing I can come up with is that saying about power corrupting, and the Uchiha having a history of psychosis. (2)

Naruto: Now, any final words for this segment?

NK: Yeah, to all the fanshippers. Please stop fighting over who should be with who. Everyone is entitled to their own little fanservice, even if you don't agree with them. I myself don't understand the Sasuke/Hinata. While Sasuke could probably appreciate Hinata's physical beauty, he also knows that both her bloodline's genetics would be far too strong to produce proper Sharingan heirs to revive his clan. That being said, I won't begrudge those who feel that they belong together; just stop comparing them to Romeo and Juliet, what with the whole true love conquering quarreling families. It's an insult to both mine and Shakespeare's stories and characters.

1. Yes, I know this isn't true, but it's completely plausible, and you know it.

2. See number 1.

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Silly Drabble 37

The entire ensemble of partygoers grinned when Hinata stepped forward with her present.

"H-Happy Birthday, Naruto-kun." She said, presenting him with a decent sized box. Smiling, Naruto tore the wrapping off like a kid at Christmas- Jiraiya and Tsunade grinned, he was just like his mother that way- before opening the box. His smile turned to a frown, when he saw what was inside.

"H-Hinata, I'm sorry, but I can't accept this." Hinata's face fell, thinking that Naruto was rejecting her gift.

"Naruto, don't be rude, she spent a lot of time and money on that gift." Sakura growled. The other people his age, and even a couple of the sensei, all seemed to share some feelings with the pinkette. Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Kakashi, however, knew differently.

"It's not that I don't like it, Sakura," Naruto said. "I love it, actually, but I just can't accept it. I don't deserve it, yet."

"What are you talking about?" Ino said. "Of course you deserve it. He was your father, and you've saved the village-" She was interrupted by a sudden calm voice.

"I noticed that you said yet," Shino asked. "What did you mean?"

"I mean I haven't earned the right to wear this cloak." Naruto said. "My mother gave this to my father after he was given the nickname Yellow Flash. Until I've become a jounin, learned the Hiraishin or a close enough equivalent, or earned myself a cool Bingo Book nickname, then I am not deserving of wearing his cloak."

Closing the box, and handing it back to Hinata, Naruto gave her a smile. Naruto was well aware of Hinata's feelings (point of fact it had constantly been just under the surface of his thoughts since Pein's attack), and even the significance of her giving him this cloak- something he had a feeling that Kakashi, Jiraiya, and possibly even Tsunade had a hand in- but he just couldn't accept it...not now.

"I-it's okay, N-Naruto-kun, I understand." The above mentioned Chuunin replied softly. Naruto then gave her a grin, and then said something that made her heart flutter, her face color, and her almost lose consciousness.

"Do me a favor, and hold onto this for me." Naruto said. "And I'll come get it from you when I've finally earned it." Yeah, the looks on the faces of his two sensei, and his baachan told him they knew the significance of the gesture, definitely had a hand in it, and exactly what he was telling Hinata...the fact that she had fallen into her seat with a dazed smile told him that Hinata understood as well.

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Silly Drabble 38

"Will you please just stop?" Naruto cried out. "I can't imagine why any of you would like a guy like me, other than for confused, selfish, or perverted reasons. The fact is, that even if I were to believe that anyone other than Hinata wanted to be with me, if she even really still does, I don't think I could choose any one of you knowing that I'd be hurting one of the others. I've always figured I'd be alone, so this isn't any big deal."

"Actually, I think I know of a way to solve this problem." Tsunade said with a grin. "The thing is, you'd have to be willing to share." All three girls blushed, knowing exactly what she was saying.

"But, how could he do that?" Sakura asked. "Sure Naruto's become like an uber ninja, but I don't think that qualifies him for that."

"Naruto's family, the Uzumaki, were a royal clan of Uzushiogakure." Tsunade started, only to interrupted.

"They were royal?" Naruto asked. 'Mom never mentioned that.'

"Wait, you knew about that?"

"Yeah, apparently when he did the sealing, dad left an imprint of himself in case the seal ever got too damaged, and mom left one to help me after I got the key to help take control of Kyuubi's chakra."

"Why am I not at all surprised?" Tsunade said. "Kushina came from a clan of seal masters, and Minato was a Fuinjutsu prodigy."

"You were saying?" Sakura asked. "About how to solve this."

"Oh that, right." Tsunade looked each of the girls over. "Because Naruto comes from a royal clan, I'm pretty sure he'd qualify for the CRA of Uzu. If Naruto were to formally ally the Uzumaki clan of Uzu no Kuni with Konoha, then the Uzumaki Clan would become a clan of Konoha, and Naruto would be eligible for the CRA of Konoha. With that, all three of you could get what you want."

"Um, I'll pass." Karin said. "I just wanted to see if what they say about huge chakras was true."

"I-I'm not ready to be married." Sakura complained.

"I love you, Naruto-kun, I really do," Hinata said. "-but I want to be sure that we would work as a couple, before we marry."

"Huh, not how I'd been expecting it, but it did solve the problem." Tsunade said, a little disappointed in her student.

"T-Tsunade-sama, if I may?" Hinata said. "I'm actually willing to accept the marriage to Naruto-kun, but with one condition."

"Depends on what it is."

"I ask that you allow Naruto-kun and I a year to try being together." She said. "If we're still together, and believe that we can work, then I'll gladly marry him."

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Silly Drabble 39

"Tsunade-shishou, I've got a question." Sakura asked, one day.

"What is it Sakura?"

"There's something that I've been curious about." She said, pausing to gather her thoughts. "How come Naruto doesn't have like a hundred kids running around the village by now?"

"Any particular reason you ask?"

"Well, from what I know about him, and shinobi protocol, I'm just surprised is all." She said. "Naruto's chakra reserves are inhuman, and his durability and healing factors are insane as well. Given what I've just read about the clan his mother came from, why hasn't he been made into breeding stock to pass some of this stuff on, or at least been suggested for the CRA? I'm sure you could find plenty of single, retired, or widowed women- both civvie and kunoichi- who'd probably do it; especially since he became such a hero. Even if most of his stuff is from the Kyuubi, having a Jinchuuriki mother and being a descendant of the Uzumaki clan would at the very least pass on inflated chakra reserves, an extremely sturdy physical disposition, a long life expectancy, and possibly even slightly accelerated healing."

"You make a good point, Sakura." Tsunade smirked. "Are you volunteering to be the first? Maybe find out if that Kage Bunshin orgy Jiraiya put in his book is plausible."

"Shishou!" Sakura said, scandalized.

"Actually, that very idea has come up several times since his return with Jiraiya." Tsunade said, becoming more serious. "The reason that it hasn't been done, is because I know he'll refuse, and there's not a single person in the village that can make him do it. The CRA wasn't possible, because Naruto was either exempt or protected from it. The Namikaze were not a clan, and the Uzumaki were never a clan of Konoha, so legally, we can't force the issue unless Naruto registers the Uzumaki as a Konoha clan; which he would need at least seven members of to officially register. Still, if you were to agree to be the first, we could probably talk him into at least three or so more." Tsunade burst out laughing at Sakura's rapidly reddening face. That she didn't immediately protest or deny the suggestion got Tsunade to plotting. She could already think of two girls off the top of her head who'd be interested. A third if she could get the stick out of Hiashi's ass. And even a fourth if she could find the right bargaining chip for a certain ex-apprentice. Heck, if she could spin it right, she could probably get him shacked up with several girls from bloodline clans on the basis that his genes would strengthen their clan, and kekkei genkai as well. The only problem would be Naruto, and between Hinata and Sakura, she was fairly sure he could be convinced.

Thirty-five hours Later, Sakura showed up at Naruto's apartment wearing nothing but the battle dress that she'd worn during the Chuunin Exams, and got banged silly. Twelve Hours after that, Tsunade was joined by Naruto and Sakura, told about their evening, and how she'd gotten Naruto to agree to the idea. He was surprisingly accepting of the arrangement, shocking the two kunoichi, but Tsunade realized that Naruto would do almost anything for her apprentice. Upon being asked why she'd practically seduced Naruto, Sakura admitted that their discussion had gotten her thinking, and made her realize she had some feelings for him that she needed to explore and be done with. It wasn't her fault that after one night with him she was most certainly ruined for another guy.

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Silly Drabble 40

Based off of the fic 'Into the Future' by Ichilover

Naruto is holding the orb, when red chakra starts to leak out, and the orb activates. The scene opens to a devastated battlefield, and Naruto in a Yellow Flash style cloak figuratively standing over the defeated form of the Kyuubi.

"I don't know how you got free, but you really should have seen this coming."

"How is it possible that you could defeat me?" Kyuubi growled. "How did you even survive my escape from the seal?"

"I would have thought that little spar we had in my head would make that answer obvious." Naruto said. "I made you my bitch once back when I was sixteen. I'm older, wiser, and stronger now. Did you really think you'd have a chance?"

"I'll have my rev-" Naruto kicked the fox in the chin.

"Geez, you sound like the teme when you talk like that." He said, causing the fox to wince at the insult. "Now, what have we learned?" Kyuubi mumbled something. "I didn't hear you." Naruto said, activating his Sage mode, and grabbing Kyuubi by one of its massive ears.

"KYUUBI IS NARUTO'S BITCH!" The fox yelled.

"Good kitsune." Naruto said, patting the spot he had just released.

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As the scene ended, the others in the room could only stare at Naruto in shock.

"You know what, I don't even want to know." Ino said, shaking her head.

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Silly Drabble 41

"Men." Ino spat. "They act like they care, but really they just want to steal our hearts so that they can stomp on them. Bastards!" Tenten and Sakura raised their glasses, and cheered her on, while Temari looked at them as if they'd grown another head.

"Actually, you only have yourselves to blame for that." Naruto said suddenly. The three inebriated women looked at him, and glared, but it was Sakura who spoke up.

"And just what is that supposed to mean, baka?" Naruto gave her a smirk.

"It means the reason that you three are bitter and alone, is because you've all screwed up." Naruto said. "Tenten, you could have had a very doting boyfriend in Lee after he stopped chasing Sakura, but you chose to chase after Neji, who from what I can see, made it very clear that he wasn't interested in you that way. Sakura, you could have easily had either Lee or I- probably both- had you but asked, me especially after Hinata and I decided to just remain friends. Instead, you chose to so adamantly pursue Sasuke, a man who treated you like crap when he was here, and whose tried to kill you on three separate occasions since he defected. Ino, you could have had Chouji or Kiba, but instead you chose to chase after first Sasuke, then Sai, pretty boys who wanted nothing to do with you. You can claim that men are horrible, but it's your decisions in regards to the ones you were pursuing and ignored that really screwed you over." Turning to the other blonde at the table, Naruto leand down, and kissed her. "You ready to go?"

"Definitely." Temari said. "And I'm just tipsy enough that you're very likely to get lucky if you play your cards right."

"Well, I'll just have to be on my best behavior." Naruto said wagging his brows as he helped her to her feet, then made for the bar to settle his girlfriend's bill. Once he was gone, Temari turned to the other girls, and gave a vicious smirk to the three women.

"On behalf of Karin (Kiba), Hinata (Lee), Ayame (Chouji), and myself, I'd like to thank the three of you for giving up such great guys, and giving us other girls the chance at them." Her smirk grew as it fell on Sakura. "By the way pinkie, Naruto's dick is huge, and fills you like nothing you could ever imagine. You have my extra sincere gratitude."

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And there goes another chapter of pointlessly bad, and ueslessly feeble plot ideas that dribbled from my brain.