Disclaimer: I'm still on the run, inflicting even more brain dribble upon all of you unwilling victims. Your suffering amuses me greatly, BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
DO NOT IGNORE THIS WARNING: At the bottom of this fic in all bold is a drabble that I can assure you will not appeal to most people. There is another warning at the beginning of it. To ignore both this warning, and the one below means that you will not bitch and moan at me if you don't like it.
And it keeps going and going and going and going and going and going...
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Silly Drabble 42
Naruto doesn't pull his Rasengan attack, wanting to beat Sasuke and prove his worth to both him and Sakura, and accidentally kills Sasuke at the Valley of the End. And thus we come to the turning point.
In other stories that begin this way, Naruto returns dejectedly to Konoha, only to find a hateful, heart-broken Sakura, a vengeful village, and a biased Council lobbying for his execution, but having to settle for banishment. At this point, the story would devolve into a typical, cliche anti-Konoha Naruto fic, with him turning into a blond version of Sasuke, and easily equalling or surpassing the annoying level of emo his former teammate had reached. It might also further suffer the cliche plotlines of Naruto being asked back after he'd become uber Naruto, and him initially declining, but being forced back after being made an offer/or receiving a threat he couldn't refuse.
Naruto would return, be insubordinate, and basically give the author an excuse to have Naruto bash on everyone he comes into contact with, even those who didn't deserve it, those who truly cared for and defended him, had protested his banishment, and had actually missed him. We'd also likely see Sakura trying- and epically failing- to woo him as she'd be the biggest target of the bashing. Naruto would find himself swept up in whatever crisis it was that caused Konoha to ask Naruto back. The massively cliched- and so deadly as to even force the ridiculously overpowered Naruto to rely on his former friends again- crisis would remind Naruto of the benefits of love and caring, and would force him to acknowledge the bonds of friendship he'd been trying so hard to ignore.
In the end, Naruto would crack- and quite like the little moron he had been back before his banishment- Naruto would welcome everyone back into his life, once again becoming a shinobi of Konoha once the crisis was averted. The village would love him, and insist that he be named as the Hokage successor to Tsunade- or whoever the Kage was- after everyone had seen that he was protecting them so fiercely. He would eventually become Hokage, and find himself in a quite cliche relationship with either Hinata, Sakura, or possibly both. After all Hinata had always loved him- and his abandonment and bashing of her hadn't changed that one bit- and his leaving had made Sakura realize how much she actually missed and loved him, again regardless of the horrible bashing she'd only just recently suffered from him.
Thankfully, this Naruto wasn't that fucking naive. He knew that he wasn't very well liked, despite what he'd done in the invasion. He was also well aware of how people would take him bringing back a dead Sasuke, that they wouldn't give him a chance to explain himself, and that there were far too many people in power that hated him, so he'd never get a fair deal. We join Naruto as he has this little epiphany; even if he probably didn't know the word, or what it meant.
Naruto stared horrified down at the cooling body of his former best friend- or rather, the tree behind him through the gaping hole in his torso. Now he understood why Kakashi-sensei had deflected their attacks the way he did. This was what he was trying to stop. Kakshi knew that with the proper help along, he could recover from just about anything...Sasuke couldn't.
Tears flowing down his cheeks, and knowing that he wouldn't ever be accepted back by the village- especially Sakura-chan- Naruto made a snap decision; he ran for it. With that decision made, he now had another to make...where the hell was he going to go?
His first thought was one of the other villages, but that idea was quickly discarded.
Iwa was out on principle, even if they wouldn't be blinded by the Kyuubi sealed inside of him. While he couldn't ever go back, that didn't mean he hated his former home, and Iwa was still considered hostile even if they were at peace so far. Besides, Old Man Hokage and even Kakashi-sensei had warned him about avoiding that place until he was at least a Jounin. Because of his hero, Iwa was an area that any blond haired, blue eyed individual would be wise to avoid. Oddly enough, this was mostly true, as no members of the Yamanaka clan had been assigned any missions that would take them anywhere near the village, either. Hiruzen doubted that Iwa would react as he feared, but there was no need to needlessly antagonize them.
Kumo was definitely out too. Even if he didn't know much about the village, he did know one thing. They had tried to kidnap Hinata, and then blame everything on her family. Even if she was a little weird, she was still the kindest person he ever met, and that was just wrong in his book. Not only that, it was because of them that Neji had been such an asshole, and had hurt Hinata.
No way in hell was he going to Oto. He'd kiss Lee before he went and made nice with the bastard that killed Old Man Hokage, and made Sasuke go crazy. Not to mention, Orochimaru had really wanted Sasuke for something, and might be kind of pissed that he'd killed Sasuke, even if accidentally.
Kiri was crossed off out of respect to Zabuza and Haku. Not to mention, the picture they'd painted of the village wasn't something that Naruto wanted to ever be a part of. Even if things had changed, he didn't have any proof, and he certainly wasn't about to take any chances. Besides, going anywhere that wasn't friends with Konoha would mean betraying his village. Even if he couldn't go back, that didn't mean he was going betray them.
Naruto considered going to Suna for only a moment, before deciding against it. Sure, he was friends with Gaara, but since that whole invasion thing, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to create trouble for his friend's home. Even then, it wasn't like Gaara was in charge in Suna, and whoever was would have probably sent him back to Konoha, defeating the purpose of running away in the first place. Not only that, but he'd have to go back through Hi no Kuni to get there. It would take him way too close to Konoha, where he just knew they would have Anbu out looking for him.
Naruto thought about going to Nami, but nixed that idea pretty quickly too. Sure, he knew that he'd be accepted in Nami, but it was far too close to Konoha. After Gato, Nami's Daimyo had decided to fall under Konoha's blanket of protection, so there were always Konoha ninja there helping out. The great irony of that one, was that it had been Naruto's idea to extend the invitation. He could still remember when he'd made the request.
"Hey old man, can we put people in Wave like we do in other places to help'em out?"
Now it didn't seem like such a good idea, but he wouldn't take it back for anything.
Naruto started to grow frustrated. The only definite plan that he'd had when he started running, was that he couldn't go west, because that would take him to Iwa, and Konoha had too many allies that way as well. He also couldn't go north or south because north would take him to Oto or Kumo, and south would take him back to Konoha. East was out, because he couldn't go to Kiri or Wave, so that meant that he'd have to leave the Elemental Nations altogether.
It was as he was passing through a small trade town, and heard two old men arguing, that Naruto found inspiration for a destination.
"...snowball's chance in hell." The slightly port man on the left said. Had Naruto stuck around to hear the read of the statement, well he might have rethought his destination. "There's no way that that numbing joint cream from Snow Country was originally intended as an anal sex lubricant."
That was it; he could go to Yuki. People there liked him, he was friends with Yukie, and it was far enough away that they wouldn't find him. Plus, while they had a trade agreement with Hi no Kuni in general, they weren't exactly allied with Konoha in any way, other than that's the first village they'd consider for missions as a token of thanks for restoring the rightful Daimyo.
He'd have to catch a boat to get there, but he didn't really have any money on him. That meant he'd have to sneak on board. He'd also have to lay low until he could, but if there was one thing Naruto was good at, it was going unnoticed when he wanted to. How else could he have pulled off even half the pranks he did? He couldn't go directly to the port, as that would be obvious, so he would have to travel to the port city by way of the country that bordered his former home. Naruto grinned, as he also had another advantage to clear his trail, one that he was about to put to good use.
"Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" He exclaimed. Staring back at the sea of determined faces, he gave the go order, and all fifty blonds scattered in several different directions. He made sure to even send a few clones to the places that he was most likely to be searched for in.
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It was about this time that Kakashi had stumbled upon the dead body of his student. Not seeing Naruto anywhere, he began to worry. Given the destruction around him, and only Sasuke being present could mean any one of a number of dreadful scenarios ranging from Akatsuki, Orochimaru, and even the Kyuubi. It wasn't until Pakkun got his attention moments later that Kakashi relaxed, if only somewhat.
"Naruto ran for it." The pug said in his deep voice. "While the rain is preventing me from further tracking his scent, I can tell that he was alive and moderately healthy when he did, as the only blood he could smell was the Uchiha's."
Kakashi heaved a sigh at the semi good news. Moderately healthy meant something that the Kyuubi could fix in a couple hours at most. Still he didn't want to take any chances, so he sent a message to Tsunade with his fastest ninken containing a preliminary report.
A few hours later found Kakashi in a meeting with the elders discussing what happened.
"Naruto did a runner." Kakashi said. "And wherever he went, he hid is tracks well. Tsume and Kuromaro from the search team you sent out in response to my report, were able to pick up the scent despite the rain, and it led us to a small trade town. From there, we don't know where he went, because he used a Tajuu Kage Bunshin to create several false leads."
"Was he defecting?" Some random Council member asked.
"Why does everyone automatically assume the worst about that boy?" Koharu snapped. "Hiruzen has said many times that Naruto is as loyal to this village as he was, and I never doubted that for a second. Unlike the Uchiha who have a history of betrayal, the Uzumaki have never been anything but loyal allies."
"If Naruto were to defect though, it would probably be with good reason." Kakashi reported, a tinge of disgust coloring is tone, and it was not lost on anyone who that was directed at.
"Then why did he run away, instead of coming back." Tsunade asked. "Sasuke was defecting, he should have known from that screw up in Wave that defectees were usually given kill on sight orders."
"There was also a third scent that Pakkun initially found that he didn't recognize, and Kuromaru confirmed; both said it was a combination of humanoid and plantlike." Kakashi revealed.
"So Naruto ran to protect himself." Danzo asked, playing devil's advocate. "Then why didn't he head back to Konoha where he would have had back up?"
"It's possible that he couldn't have without engaging whoever this third presence was." Homura replied. "Tsunade, what news do you have on this organization after the biju?"
"Nothing concrete except they're all S-rank criminals from various villages. The only members we know of are Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigake, and Orochimaru who has since left." She said, already running through the seals of a jutsu. When a slug appeared in a puff of smoke, she didn't bother waiting to give orders. "Katsuhiko, find Jiraiya and tell him he's needed back home. Tell him that Naruto is in danger."
Once the slug had disappeared, Koharu couldn't help asking. "I know what we hope happened, but is there any other reason why he might have decided to run, rather come back?"
"Given the opinions held about him by the majority of villagers," Kakashi started. "-between the fox, and killing the last Uchiha, he probably assumed- likely correctly- that his return wouldn't be very well received. He also probably figured he'd be banished from the village at the very least, so why come back only to be told to turn right back around and leave?"
888
As Naruto made his way to the port city he remembered from that Snow Country mission, he began to feel a pull on his chakra. Figuring it was someone trying to track him, Naruto ignored the feeling, and continued towards the port. It was only after he'd reached the small harbor that Naruto realized that the pulling sensation was not only stronger here, but also pulling him in a direction that was going away from Konoha. Okay, now he was getting curious. Maybe he'd see what that was all about. After all, the boat to Snow Country wasn't going to sail for at least another two days.
Deciding to stow away on a ferry heading to a nearby island out to sea, Naruto snuck onto the small boat. As the ship sailed, Naruto concentrated on the feel of the pull. About fifteen minutes into the ride, when he realized he'd passed up the pull, abandoning ship the blond abandoned ship, and began running over the surface of the water towards the pull. Not truly understanding why he was doing so, Naruto followed the pull into what he later learned was Whirlpool Country.
Naruto found himself awed by the country he was seeing as he passed through it, folling the unknown source of the pull. Uzu no Kuni, much like Mizu no Kuni, was a highly saturated nation, filled with numerous aquatic ecosystems. There were the oceanic systems surrounding the island, as well as lagoons, estuaries, and marshes near the coasts. Further in there were numerous lakes, rivers, natural springs, ponds, and streams, all surrounded by grasslands, and even several forrests rumored to have been created by Hashirama's Mokuton predecessor (1).
It was like a bombardment of beautiful scenery, and Naruto- even though he was making good time towards his destination- made sure to take a moment in each area to appreciate the calm, quiet beauty that surrounded him. Before long, Naruto found himself approaching what looked to be a massive cliff. As he neared, he saw a partially ruined sign- mostly weather damage- that had the same spiral as the Konoha Jounin jackets.
Reaching the edge, Naruto looked down and found himself staring at the ruins of what looked to be a once prosperous village. It reminded him of that festival town in that crater that he and Ero-Sennin had visited when they were looking for Tsunade-baachan. The city where he'd first seen the Rasengan. Naruto was shocked that shinobi would build their village in a crater like that, even if it wasn't as deep as the festival city. Still from a ninja standpoint, having a village with only one way in, and one way out, especially by way of the long hill he could see several yards to his right, wasn't a smart thing to do.
Naruto continued stared at the ruins of the village, thinking how bad an idea a ninja village in a crater was. What Naruto didn't know, was that back before it's destruction, there was a massive seal created by the then head of the Uzumaki Clan in the middle of the village that projected a massive, protective barrier around it. The seal, which functioned much like a more active version of the Konoha Barrier team, was an almost impenetrable defense for the village. It took three villages working in tandem, and a traitor from within the village to produce the results he was seeing.
Shaking those thoughts away, Naruto ran the few feet over the the incline, and began the long trip down the hill towards the ruins the pull was leading him to. As Naruto trekked through the streets of the destroyed village, he couldn't help the small hint of sadness and pain that seeing the devastation brought. To think that Konoha, his own home, had been in danger of becoming just like this when Orochimaru attacked was like a sobering punch to the gut. Deciding he didn't want to start thinking about those bad thoughts, or how his jiji had been killed, Naruto focused on the pull, and picked up his speed to a jog.
Moving faster through the ruins, it wasn't much longer before Naruto eventually came upon a large building that reminded him of the Hyuuga Clan home. This building also had the spiral he'd seen all over, only it was a little more impressive. What also surprised Naruto, was that despite being a run down ruin, the home still seemed to give him a feeling of home and belonging that he hadn't felt until he'd met the Ichirakus.
Walking up to the door, he found that it surprisingly locked. Creating a clone, Naruto used the Rasengan to bust the door down...although, in hindsight he'd kick himself for missing that there was a hole in the wall a few meters to his left. Upon entering, Naruto followed the pull until it lead him to the top floor of the building, and into what looked to be an office for a Clan Head. Curiosty overwhelming his desire to find the source of the pull, Naruto began looking around the office until he suddenly found himself facing a large seal drawn on the wall behind the desk across the room from the door. It was at this point that Naruto found where the pull was coming from.
Sadly, despite all of the effort of finding this place, Naruto didn't know anything about seals, except Ero-Sennin used them a lot, and one had been used to imprison the fox into him. With just a hint of annoyance, Naruto sat on the desk, and just stared at the seal for what seemed like hours until...
"It's a blood seal." A voice said from behind him. Naruto turned, and launched a kunai so fast, that had he not been who he was, Jiraiya knew he'd have been dead. As it was, he'd only just been able to dodge the projectile headed towards his throat.
"Wha-what are you doing here?" Naruto asked, drawing another kunai.
"What the hell are you doing gaki?" The man asked, raising an eyebrow. "Sure, you've gotten better, and I'll admit I was impressed with how fast you got the Rasengan down, but surely you don't think you can beat me, do you?"
"Maybe not, but I won't make it easy for you, and you can bet I'll go down fighting." Naruto barked back.
"Eh?" Jiraiya asked. "What's this about? Look kid, I was just sent to find you, and bring you back home. Kakashi was worried when all we found was Sasuke in that valley. We thought you might have been kidnapped by Akatsuki, and Tsunade was ready to send every shinobi in the village out to rescue you."
"You mean, you aren't here to kill me?" Naruto asked. "And how can I really trust you? I've had people try this before; gaining my trust, then trying to kill me."
"Why would I be here to try and kill you?" Jiraiya asked, his eyes suddenly narrowed. "And just who was this that did so?"
"Mizuki-teme used me to steal the Forbidden Scroll," Naruto said. "-told me if I learned a jutsu from it, I would graduate the academy. Then, he turned out to be a traitor, and was going to frame me and kill me."
'Right, I need to have a talk with that bastard when we get back.' Jiraiya thought. "And you still didn't answer my question. Why would I have been sent to kill you?"
"Because I killed Sasuke." Naruto said, head down. "The village already hated me because of the fox, now they'll hate me even more for killing their precious, last Uchiha."
"Naruto, you did what you had to do." Jiraiya said, deciding not to sugarcoat things. "Sasuke couldn't have expected any better considering he was trying to defect to the man who killed the Sandaime. Sasuke only had three options: die by your hand, be executed as a traitor upon his return, or if he'd gotten away, being placed in the Bingo Books as a Missing-nin."
"So, I won't be in trouble?" Naruto asked, hopeful. "People won't hate me?"
"No, you won't be in trouble, but I can tell you that killing that brat won't gain you any new friends, and doing what was expected of you might cost you some of the ones you have." At Naruto's sad spin, Jiraiya sighed. Much as he'd like to do otherwise, it wouldn't do the boy any favors to lie to him. "What you did is part of the shinobi life, and until they grow up, those friends of yours probably won't understand."
"I understand."
"Don't worry kid, at least you saved your friend." Jiraiya said, gaining a look of confusion from Naruto. "Unlike me, you were able to save your friend from the monster that he might have become. I wasn't able to save Orochimaru when I had the chance, and look what he became. Now, enough about that, let's get back to this interesting discovery of yours. From the looks of it, I'm guessing a blood seal."
"A blood seal?" Naruto asked.
"It's a special kind of seal that incorporate using ones blood." Jiraiya explained. "This allows someone to specifically designate a target. The most common use is for sending secret documents; when sealed with a blood seal it restricts who is allowed to open it up. Most clans use these to protect their family jutsu, and knowing the Uzumaki Clan, I bet that one has got a nasty surprise waiting for anyone who isn't one."
Jiraiya could still remember the one time he'd tried to open the 'special package' that Kushina had given to Minato as an incentive to hurry home. Just from the naughty glint in her eyes, he had known that that those were definitely some pictures of the nineteen year old Jounin that he wanted to see. Unfortunately, she'd used a blood seal specifically keyed to Minato. She'd apparently guessed he'd try to peak, and left him a particularly vindictive surprise. Having fuinjutsu created Erectile Disfunction for several months had taught him a very valuable lesson.
"How do I open it?" Naruto asked.
"Well, you'll have to make a small cut on your hand, enough to bleed, and press it to the seal." Jiraiya explained. "Then, you just channal a bit of chakra into it."
Following the instructions given to him, Naruto made a cut on his hand, placed it against the seal, and channeled some chakra into it. To his shock, the seal flashed, and his hand began to sink into the wall. With a nod from Jiraiya, Naruto continued foreward until he ended up in a small cubby hole containing a massive scroll with the same spiral as before. Picking it up, Naruto carried it out to where Jiraiya was waiting. The old ninja raised a brow at what he saw Naruto carrying out of the secret cubby. He couldn't help a chuckle when he saw what Naruto was carrying. Seeing Naruto try to lug the huge scroll that was about the same size as the kid was in both height and girth was fairly amusing.
It wasn't until Naruto set the scroll down on one of its ends, and began turning it, that he noticed something on the side of it that caused his eyes to widen in both shock and alarm . Unless he was mistaken, and he very much doubted it, Naruto was now in possession of the most coveted jujutsu in the world. It was a scroll that three different nations felt was valuable enough to wipe out Uzushiogakure for.
Wanting to make sure, so that he'd know whether to send a warning back to Tsunade, Jiraiya coaxed Naruto into sitting the scroll on the desk, and opening it. Giving it the same treatment as the seal on the wall, though this time he just bit his thumb like he normally did for summoning, Naruto smeared a bit of blood on the seal Jiraiya pointed out, before giving it some chakra. Naruto gives a wide grin as the seal breaks, allowing Naruto to unroll it. Jiraiya paled, as it was indeed the exact scroll that he thought it was. The fabled jujutsu scroll of the Uzumaki Clan.
Just from scanning the areas that were unrolled, he could tell that it gave a detailed history of the Uzumaki Clan. The much disputed origins and such were a mystery, especially how they came to be so close to the Senju, as was the tale of their destruction; both of which he could see were discussed in a fair amount of detail. While there were plenty of theories about who was responsible for the latter, and strong suspects as to who the perpetrators were- especially given the less than stellar interactions three of the five Kage villages had with Uzu and her allies- there was no true concrete evidence. If what he was seeing was right, he had no doubts that there were a great many people who would be willing to invest much in that information remaining hidden.
Also included in the scroll- if the numerous storage seals with jutsu names written beside them were any indication- was a chronicle of the clan's special sealing techniques. Just the names of many of the fuinjutsu had Jiraiya in awe, as the names alone hinted at the power and genius of the skills hidden in the scroll. Jiraiya was most shocked, however, at who had written the last portion of the history and several of the seals in one corner of the unrolled portion of the scroll. There was also a note- which had fallen to the floor, and gone ignored by Naruto once he'd started reading- telling them about when and why she hid the scroll the way she had.
It was quite frightening how several elders of the clan- after catching wind of some suspect whispering about their family being too dangerous- had predicted the end of their clan and village. That they'd sent a copy of the family legacy to Mito Uzumaki along with Kushina less than a year before Uzushio was destroyed was frightening. What truly had Jiraiya worried, was the part of the letter detailing several nightmares Kushina had suffered featuring red clouds and Sharingan eyes shortly after she'd gotten pregnant with Naruto. It was for this reason that she'd hid the scroll that her Nana Mito had given to her before she died when Minato had taken her to Hot Springs country for her birthday.
That she'd slipped away from Minato one night during the trip wasn't very surprising, as she was very adept at disappearing in a crowd- something he'd learned Naruto had inherited. That she'd slipped out, made it to the ruins of Whirlpool, hid the scroll, and made it back without Minato knowing when she was six months pregnant was damn impressive. Although, given their much more serious demeanor when they returned, he somehow suspected that Kushina hadn't slipped away, and that Minato had helped her hide it. As a matter of fact, he now suspected that the whole reason for Minato's birthday surprise was as a cover for them to hide this scroll.
It also made him wonder if the old wives tale that an Uzumaki could sometimes predict how they would die wasn't just a tale.
Jiraiya looked up from the letter to find that Naruto had rolled the scroll back up, and was looking at him curiously. "What's up, gaki."
"Ne, Ero-Sennin, could you teach me how to use my family's jutsu?" Naruto asked. Given the brat's parents, and his legacy, he knew this would be interesting.
With a grin, Jiraiya pocketed the note, and nodded. "Yeah gaki, we'll make a real Uzumaki out of you, yet. Something else on your mind?"
The curious look on Naruto's face turned to one of realization, before with a single seal, Naruto created several hundred clones; their orders to search the village, most importantly the Uzumaki Clan compound, for any other similar seals.
"I was just thinking that if this big scroll was hidden here like this, what else might have been hidden?" He admitted.
About half an hour later, Jiraiya had to admit that it was a stroke of genius. While there wasn't much to be found in the wider village rubble except a few jutsu scrolls, the house that he'd found the big scroll in was a treasure trove of secrets. With a sort of nostalgic smile on his face, Jiraiya helped Naruto seal all of his discoveries into another storage scroll, and deciding to give Naruto his first impromptu lesson, taught him how to seal that into Naruto's big Uzumaki scroll.
"You ready to head back to the village, now?" Jiraiya asked.
"Can't we just start our trip right away?" Naruto asked.
"Look, I understand that you don't want to face the others yet, but you can't leave without saying goodbye to Tsunade." Jiraiya said. "Not to mention, there are some loose ends I need to tie up before we go." Jiraiya groaned at the boy's downcast look. "How about we stop through after dark, that way we don't have to run into anyone. We can say goodbye to Tsunade, and you can pick up anything you need while I file my request to take you away. I'll teach you how to make storage seals on the way so that you can pack more quickly. Then we can go, and no one will ever have to know that you've been back."
Naruto nodded, and they were on their way, both student and apprentice lugging massive scrolls strapped horizontally across the smalls of their backs.
1. wiki/File:Panorama_presa_las_ni%C3%B1as_mogan_gran_
Extra Parts
I. Since he would be the one who had to teach the brat the style, Jiraiya decided to take a peak so he could figure out how to go about it. As he stared at the taijutsu style Kushina had left Naruto, he paled. What he was looking at wasn't a taijutsu style, it was a lethal monstrosity that only an Uzumaki could understand, only an Uzumaki could learn, and only an Uzumaki had any hope of defending against. While he did recognize parts of the style as being from Minato's own, and the original Uzumaki style Kushina had used, this combo was just disturbing.
The Uzumaki had never been a battle oriented clan- though that's not to say they couldn't keep up with the likes of the Uchiha and Senju- they tended to solve their problems without having to fight, and their seals made that possible. When forced to fight though, the Uzumaki style was all about brutal efficiency. Never giving your opponent time to breath, forcing them to make a mistake, and hitting them with that one good shot that not even a well seasoned Jounin could ignore. Minato's style on the other hand bad been based mostly around defending and blocking (much like the Uchiha style), while placing Hiraishin seals to end the fight suddenly.
Combining brutal efficiency and seal placement into one style, as well as the vast number of seals Jiraiya was sure Kushina had hidden throughout this sroll...he almost felt sorry for the Akatsuki.
II. When one of Jiraiya's training reports comes in, Tsunade has a screaming fit about Jiraiya's irresponsibility letting Naruto train with a thousand Kage Bunshin at once, and not caring that Naruto had almost endless stamina- once this gets out into the rumor mill, Tsunade finds her office bombarded with spontaneous visits. By the end of the week, over a dozen kunoichi between the ages of 18-40 had come to her requesting the duties of Naruto's resistence training. Three of which had been from other villages.
III. "Here we are, gaki," Jiraiya said grinning. "-Nakadashi village."
"It's Nadeshiko Village, you unrepentant pervert." A woman growled to their left, capturing both male's attention. "Anyway, this is your apprentice?"
Turning to the voice, Naruto laid eyes on probably the sexiest woman he'd ever seen. What made the sight even more amazing was that she was wearing easily the sexiest outfit he'd ever seen. It was a skin tight get up that left just enough to the imagination to make you wonder, but keep your eyes exactly where she wanted them: on her assets, and not what she might be doing to bring about your demise.
"Yes, this is Naruto, but no he's not ready for that yet." Jiraiya answered, just barely restraining a perverted reaction and nosebleed. "I brought him here because very few people know about this island, so we should be reasonably safe while I train him."
"Oh please, you probably just dragged me here because of all the pretty women around." Naruto grumbled. "With all of this potential 'research' for you to peep on, I'm never going to get any training done."
"I'm more than happy to help provide him with all the research he needs so that he can devote his attention to training his pupil." Woman said, smirking. "Besides, I wouldn't worry about his blowing you off. Unless Jiraiya-kun has changed his mind regarding that deal we made, I don't think he'll risk not training you properly."
Jiraiya shivered at that. He definitely remembered that deal. He would present an apprentice- Naruto- to challenge her's, and if Naruto lost, then he would have to marry woman. Damn Minato for falling for Kushina, because the man could have easily defeated anyone the village had to offer.
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A rather unusual relationship
Nagato was the true leader of Akatsuki. Jiraiya somehow survived the fight with Pein. Sasuke didn't get the infected hickey, and defect. Hinata does love Naruto, but it's a very strong platonic love.
'Damn Hokage.' Anko mentally griped. 'Making me hold off on sex until she was sure my body wouldn't be adversely affected by being so near death. It's not the first time I've been in something of a coma like that. Hell, for the first three months after the Sandaime had sealed my Curse Seal, I used to randomly drop into near death states for hours on end all the time.'
It had been almost a year since she'd gotten laid, and the itch was becoming really bad. Finally, she was free to fuck as much as she liked, and she planned to make up for lost time. Now Anko wasn't a slut by any definition of the word, but she knew what she liked, and she realized that in her line of work, it didn't pay to be a prude. Not to mention, mutual gratification often helped ninja forget some of the horrors they'd witnessed, and good sex with friendlies often helped kunoichi to purge the taint of 'those' kinds of missions; though thankfully, Konoha rarely issued them, nor had to with Jiraiya as their spy. Still, that didn't stop the rumors. Oh well, for the next couple months, she was going to embrace the rumors, and enjoy the wondrous feelings she'd been denied for a year. Now, she just had to find a partner. Her old one just had to decide to settle down while she was comatose and recovering from said nap.
As Anko strolled the village, eying potential partners to scratch her itch with. It was as she was passing by the now rather famous ramen stand- or at least, it was now that a certain village hero was known to frequent said stand- that Anko found the perfect target. There were all kinds of rumors going around about the boy, but the two most important ones to her at the moment were the sheer number of solid clones he could make, and that he was unspoiled. Going after him, she'd not only get to sate her curiosity about his stamina, but she'd get to be the one to relieve him of his innocence.
Decision made, Anko entered the stand, and set upon the young man. Unfortunately, the blond wasn't in a cooperative mood, and all of her teasing went largely unnoticed. For a woman who had no trouble picking up a guy, not only was this gaki tarnishing her reputation, but he was preventing her from getting her itch scratched, and that was both annoying and unacceptable.
"Okay gaki, what the hell is your problem?" Anko snapped. "I'm trying to seduce you, and you're too busy bitching about some bastard to pay me the proper attention."
What followed was a semi-articulate rant about how Kakashi was a bastart, and had been ignoring them in favor of Sasuke again. Anko rolled her eyes at that. The gaki was the hero of the village, had probably already surpassed both Kakashi and his teammate, he was probably the strongest shinobi in the village, and he was still nagging about being trained? Had she not known better, and been far too curious about the blond's potential prowess, she'd have lumped in the same category as Gai, and left to find another partner. This gaki didn't know how lucky he was.
"I'll tell you what, you make me cum, and I'll traing you." Anko said. "You impress me, and I might even make you my apprentice."
Anko felt only a little bit of guilt at the almost awe filled stare the gaki leveled on her.
After...
"Now that's what I call a good time." Anko said, stretching her nude form. "Congratulations gaki, you're my new apprentice and fuck buddy. Too bad I'm not looking to settle, I certainly wouldn't mind coming home to that every night if you catch my drift."
"I do, and while I'd like more, if it's just physical, I guess I can deal with that." Naruto agreed.
"From what I've heard of you, you accepted that awfully easily." Anko queried.
"You wouldn't be the first girl to turn me down like that." Naruto said shrugging. Anko was confused. Wasn't the kid the fucking hero of the village? Surely he had to have plenty of girls wanting their shot at him.
"Look, it has nothing to do with the fox, or even you personally." Anko said. "Honestly, I just have a hard time with any emotion stronger than lust. I haven't exactly had a lot of experience with love, and the one time I did give my all to someone, they destroyed any possibility I might have of allowing myself that vulnerability."
"Yeah, my few experiences with Orochimaru were scarring enough, Kami only knows how much worse it probably was for you."
"I think the closest thing I've had to a monogamous relationship is being faithful to whoever my current bed buddy is." Anko then gave him a curious look. "Though I think it might be a crime against all things right with copulation to keep you to myself, especially with how hard it is to find a good lay that doesn't have so much emotional baggage that it's not worth it sometimes."
"I'm just going to agree with you on that one." Naruto said. "I don't have enough experience with sex to have any valid input."
"Okay, you're hung like a horse, and you can definitely make a woman not want to leave your bed. Why aren't you getting more tail than you are?"
"To some, like yourself, my dick is a godly instrument of pleasure. To others, it's a giant, demonic, inhuman weapon of vaginal destruction. It's kind of ironic in a way. The girl who used to dream about one day marrying me, and having an insane amount of my children, no longer wants anything to do with me romantically, or the evil thing in my pants. While her younger sister, who used to think I was a waste of space idiot, and got lucky against her cousin, has made it well known that she wants to screw me."
"So why haven't you snagged the little snatch, and abused it like you did mine?"
"Aside from the fact that she's a Hyuuga, Hinata's sister, and the Clan Head's daughter?..she's like ten or something."
"You know, I'm almost tempted to whore you out to some of my friends to make a little extra money." Anko said, teasingly. "If you don't mind dating older women, we might even be able to find you a proper girlfriend, so long as I get to enjoy a finder's fee. I mean, I know a couple girls closer to your age, but they're still probably a few years older." She cupped his cock, which was already starting to respond again.
"Are they as hot as you?" Anko nodded. "Well, whose first?"
"Hmm, that's a good question." She said thoughtfully. "Lord knows that Yuugao and Kurenai need to get laid. I can understand that they lost the loves of their lives, but you have to move on at some point. Kurenai hasn't let a man touch her since Asuma died (1. yes, you pervs that's exactly what it means), and Yuugao won't let anyone scratch that itch of hers."
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Read Lucillia's story 'Sharingan Naruto' to find out how Naruto got the Sharingan up through 'Minato and Kushina had a son together. And that, of course, leads to...
In an opulent palace, a somber girl with very pale skin that almost glowed, watched the circumstances of a particular child's birth. She'd known her elder sister Fate had plans for this one- which meant that she would be in charge of his cosmic compensation- but from what she was seeing, she'd likely have to keep an especially close eye on him, and probably have to bring her cousin Luck in on this project. The girl- whose hair and eye features were oddly enough almost an exact inverse of the baby she was watching get a biju stuffed into his gut- studied the file she'd been given of the boy, hoping to find something that would help her.
It was as Karma- as that was the girls name- was reading the name of the more important ancestors of the boy that she noticed something interesting. The boy had an Uchiha great-great grandfather on both sides of the family. This meant that while extremely recessive, the boy had the genetic possibility to activate the said double greats bloodline; especially since the paternal one had fully activated his prior to diddling that Namikaze girl, and his maternal one had activated the highest known- at least to the mortals- version of it before knocking up that Uzumaki girl.
It was with a smile that the young woman gave the child the first of his cosmic blessings. She didn't know when it would happen, but the little boy- Naruto Uzumaki- would be guaranteed to activate the Sharingan the moment the conditions for activation were met. Noticing another interesting tidbit, she also strengthened the Senju blood in him as well. Maybe if he were lucky, he'd develop the Rinnegan instead, and become the heir to the old Sage she'd given the swirly eyes to.
A great red eye snapped open upon feeling the divine hand touch its vessel. Kyuubi couldn't help but smirk at what said hand had done to the boy. Maybe, just maybe, this would be its ticket out of this brat. Exerting just a bit of its will, the fox connected the bloodline to its own massively infinite chakra. This would allow it to not only influence the boy, but hold the ability hostage to get its way. Although it would have to wait until the ability activated, and until the boy was older. If he activated it sooner, it'd let the child enjoy unrestricted use for the time being. Self-absorbed malevolence aside, even the biju didn't intentionally harm children and babies. Not only that, but it would take great pleasure in informing the brat that the drain from using his own reserves to power the bloodline would be even greater than normal.
Unfortunately, the seal used to hold the fox at bay was much stronger than even it could have imagined. Any attempts to exert its influence would come at a great physical- or as physical as a mass of chakra could experience- expenditure. Meaning for each time Kyuubi used its influence, Naruto would get another year of uninterrupted fun with a Kyuubi charged Sharingan.
Naruto was also an Uzumaki, whose clan interbred with the Senju to the point that there wasn't a single biological Uzumaki that didn't have a least a little Senju blood in there somewhere. It didn't hurt that his grandfather was a Senju (whose mother immigrated to Whirlpool in the marital exchange that brought Mito to Konoha). With the Senju blood being made stronger, so too was Naruto's power over the Kyuubi. Given the difficult life he had growing up, the Kyuubi would have many chances to try and exert its influence. Sadly for the fox, with the blessings already in place, by the time Naruto activated his Sharingan, the fox would find exerting its influence far more debilitating than it was worth. What was even worse, was that the kekkei genkai would remain attached to its chakra, as there was no way to remove it without further debilitating itself. As a result, by the time he became a Genin, Naruto would be almost thirty before his uninterrupted Sharingan fun would run out.
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Sarutobi collapsed into his chair with a huge bottle of sake. Much as he wanted to break out his special tobacco, if his secretary found out he was 'relaxing' during office hours, she'd give him grief. He'd known that Naruto could be a little hellion. He'd known, and heard the horror stories about him, that Naruto could be a devious little bugger when he was trying to escape capture after a prank. He'd even heard stories of how difficult Naruto was to catch during those chases. For the first time, he understood. Naruto having a Sharingan, and using that damnable technique so easily...now he understood Fugaku's comments about that jutsu just being ridiculously unfair. He was going to have to do something drastic, and quickly. He could still remember how this all started.
Flashback
"Sarutobi-sama, you have to do something." Fugaku protested distraughtly and angrily, as he barged into the Hokage's office. "That...boy did something to Rezo and Doza."
"What happened?" Sarutobi sighed, wondering if he was going to need his special tobacco after this meeting.
"They were escorting him to me after he pranked the cashier at the grocer. Now they're twirling around the district like five year old little girls asking people if they think their dresses are pretty." Sarutobi had to suppress an instinctive desire to laugh. It wouldn't do to be shown finding amusement in the pompous man's misfortune, even if he did.
"Maybe now you'll stop looking the other way when your kinsmen manhandle the boy." Sarutobi rebuked Fugaku, reminding him of some of the things being let slide in regards to Naruto, that shouldn't be.
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A week later found a somewhat defeated Fugaku walking into the Hokage's office. Behind him, Itachi was carrying Naruto on his back. Without any preamble, the Uchiha head spoke. "It's worse than we thought. The boy has activated the Sharingan, and worse yet, Itachi- my precious, stoically cold prodigy, Itachi- finds the entire thing amusing."
Itachi rolled his eyes at the melodrama as he thought. 'It is amusing father, even if you can't understand how much.'
"Not only that, but he's somehow convinced Shisui- the only member of the clan whose Sharingan can do anything about this- to let the boy have his fun." For the second time in as many weeks, Sarutobi had to restrain his immense ammusement.
"Naruto?" Sarutobi asked, before gasping as the boy looked up at him smiling, and Sarutobi could just make out the single, barely visible tomoe swirling in each eye.
"It's so cool jiji, I can see ev'rthin." Naruto crowed.
"Itachi, why don't you take Naruto for some ramen, and put it on my tab?" The Hokage said, earning a cheer from the blond as the two left. "Any idea how he got that, especially considering that the Uzumaki were related to the Senju, not the Uchiha."
"My guess would be the Kyuubi." Fugaku blamed, the fanatical fires of conspiracy burning bright in his eyes. "As you know, the Kyuubi has held a particular hatred of our clan due to Madara trying to use it to attack the Shodai and Konoha. I'm also sure you noticed that the fox came after our clan with a vengeance, and made it a point to devour any Uchiha it found on the battlefield. I'm guessing that it ate enough of us to break down our bloodline on a genetic level, and has decided to screw with us by giving it to Uzumaki.
"Well, I guess we can't discount conspiracy theories at this point." Remembering how frighteningly weird Mito Uzumaki had been, even if she had been something like a mother to him after his parents died. And considering she was pretty straight laced compared to many members of the clan that was saying something. He could still remember the horror stories his sensei used to tell about the clan. Tobirama was of the distinct opinion that anyone who thought the Uchiha or Senju were the strongest clan of the era, hadn't pissed off the Uzumaki. "I was thinking more along the lines of Naruto maybe having an Uchiha ancestor on his father's side, or the Uzumaki Clan being more closely related to the Uchiha than we thought. Considering the Senju and Uchiha share common ancestors, and the Uzumaki and Senju do as well, it's not out of the realm of possiblility."
Fugaku grinned even more maniacally. "That actually fits with my theory, since Naruto has some extremely dormant Uchiha blood in him. Given his looks, it's obviously not nearly enough to activate a Sharingan or even have the potential normally, but with the Kyuubi having such intimate knowledge of our blood, his obvious hatred of us, and his ability to somewhat influence his Jinchuuriki's body so long as it is a boon, Naruto has all the ingredients to have one. And just to spite us, unless you were looking closely in the boy's eyes, you would never know he had it."
"Well, there isn't much we can do at this point. Since he seems to have taken a liking to him, have Itachi keep an eye on the situation, and report your findings to me."
"Hai, Hokage-sama."
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"This is getting out of control, Hokage-sama." Fugaku almost cried, distraught, depressed, disturbed, and deeply traumatized three weeks later. "Now he's using forbidden Uchiha techniques."
"Oh reallly?" Sarutobi said, a mild killing intent leaking out.
"It's nothing like that, sir." The Uchiha said, backpeddling at the monstrous intent to butcher that had just fallen on him. "The jutsu is mainly forbidden because to use it means giving up your sight. Everytime you use the Izanagi, one of your Sharingan eyes close forever.
"And what does this jutsu do?" The suspicion was ripe.
"It bends reality to make things as we see fit. Basically if you were to use a fireball on me after I used that jutsu, and even saw me completely destroyed, I could appear behind you unharmed."
"And why was I not informed of such a technique, as is agreed by the clan-village charter."
"It is not a technique that we teach anymore." Fugaku admitted. "Aside from the obvious cost, even I can admit that the jutsu is completely overpowered, as well as an extreme drain on chakra. Sure, shinobi are not supposed to fight fair, but that technique is beyond ridiculous. And it's even more deadly in his hands, because his condition is likely keeping him from suffering the normal effects. I mean really, the only way that anyone could possibly use that technique without detrimental effect, would be if they had a high concentration of both Senju and Uchiha blood in them."
'I doubt it has anything to do with the Kyuubi.' Saru thought. 'Naruto is an Uzumaki, a clan whose intermarried and interbred with the Senju to the point that there wasn't a single biological Uzumaki that didn't have a least a little Senju blood in there somewhere. It didn't hurt that one of his great-grandmother was a Senju- as a matter of fact, the one that went to Whirlpool in the exchange that brought Mito to Konoha to marry sensei's brother- Naruto would therefore have the needed genetics to probably use that jutsu with near impunity.' He just knew this was going to give him a headache, and result in even more paperwork for him.
"So what am I supposed to do about his...actions?" Fugaku complained.
"What exactly did he do?" Sarutobi asked.
"He turned men in the village into nekos and the women into doggirls, and transported a large number of Inuzuka hounds into the district. All of the bitches were exceptionally cranky for some reason, and all of the male dogs seemed to be ready to breed." Fugaku cried, remembering the look of immense pleasure on his doggified wife's face as she was mounted and ridden into the kitchen floor by Kuromaru (1). Hearing her exclaim that he would never be able to satisfy her again was like a stab to the gut from a very large sword.
Flashback End
And boy had he been right. Well, at least Naruto seemed to be doing well in the Ninja Academy, tied with Sasuke Uchiha for Rookie of the Year. Although, when the instructors had learned why it was that Naruto was doing so well, they'd complained, but had been able to do nothing about it. From what he'd been able to witness with his crystal ball, the instructors were searching for any signs that he had the doujutsu activated in an attempt to penalize him.
As much as he'd tried, he couldn't keep Naruto's eyes a secret, but he did at least keep the fact that Naruto always has them activated- rather that he couldn't exactly turn them off- a secret. He'd also found out who the leak in his office was that kept spilling all the information about Naruto that he'd been trying to keep under wraps. And he'd even gotten the name of the bastard who'd put him up to it. Oh yes, his advisors/teammates and friend/rival they may be, Homura, Koharu, and Danzo were all going to wish they'd left well enough alone. He had no doubts they meant well- to an extent- and he never doubted for a moment that they thought they were doing what was best for the village, but they would have to be made to remember that he wore the big hat, that meant he was in charge.
Oh well, at least if Naruto continued to live up to the potential he'd shown, then he would be able to retire in five years or so.
'Now if we could just get his chakra control good enough for him to use that damnable Bunshin and graduate, I can con Kakashi into apprenticing him until Jiraiya is ready to take over; fast tracking him right to the big hat he's been claiming he wants since he was seven.'
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Years later, Naruto having the Sharingan made for very interesting changes and times in Konoha. One of the changes was Sasuke Uchiha's fangirls. While he still had most of them, a quarter of that number had actually chosen to break away and create a Naruto fanclub. While Naruto never encouraged the girls, he also treated them a lot better than Sasuke treated his, something that Naruto's fangirls loved rubbing in the Uchiha fans' faces.
Aside from helping Naruto do much better in his classes than he would have otherwise due to his poor attention span, having a fully developed- since the age of nine- Sharingan also make antagonizing his rival Sasuke fun. That Naruto was a goof off, yet still managed to challenge Sasuke for the Rookie of the Year honors does well in class cuz his Sharingan was always activated- even if no one even noticed- was an even greater annoyance to the young heir.
"Stop using my family's bloodline on people." Sasuke protested one day in class.
Ever since it got out that Naruto had the Sharingan, and was using it to prank people that treated others badly, a good many people had started to feel less than fond of the Uchiha. Though to be fair, most Konoha citizens were able to get the hint that the way they were treating some people- Naruto especially- was wrong, there were still quite a few of the more stubborn people who chose to blame other for their shortcomings. Not only that, but after what Naruto would do to the traitor Mizuki, people had begun to see that Naruto might not be the demon itself, but that didn't mean they'd completely trust him. They still had a healthy fear of what a Jinchuuriki could do, and with good reason; even if Naruto would never do so willingly.
"Whatever teme, you're just pissed that I activated the Sharingan before you, and I'm not even in your clan." Naruto teased.
"No, I'm pissed that you even have it to begin with." Sasuke grumbled. "You're not an Uchiha. You don't even look like an Uchiha. If they were still alive, every Uchiha alive would have a problem with you having a Sharingan."
"Itachi didn't." Naruto teased. "He thought it was funny, especially when I blasted those stuffy bastards in your clan with my super eye swirly thingy." Unknown to Naruto, his Sharingan's connection to the Kyuubi's chakra allowed him to project an extremely powerful Genjutsu that could even outpace the dispelling powers of the Sharingan. What was basically a powerful blast of 'Genjutsu dust' that left the opponent effected however Naruto was in the mood at the time, if anyone else had been as suspicious as Fugaku, they might have accused Naruto of using the Izanami on people.
"And another thing,what kind of lame name is that for a jutsu?"
"I dunno. Naruto shrugged. "Why not ask the guy who named 'that manga jutsu' thing?"
"It's the Mangekyo Sharingan!" Sasuke growled, furious at having been forced to share and explain the mechanics of such a powerful aspect of his family legacy to an outsider. Of course, it should be noted that his being tricked into telling their entire class about it would kind of make that a moot point. "And it's the most powerful..."
"Yada yada, who cares. It still has a stupid name." Naruto said. "I bet its tricks are just as stupid."
Sasuke, forgetting that Naruto already knew about the techniques, and that such a comment should have been highly suspicious, smirked. "Shows how much you know."
What followed was Sasuke smugly explaining- in fairly good detail- all about his family's most powerful techniques. Several of the clan heirs and heiresses stared in shock at how the boy was giving away clan secrets. They knew that had they done so, they'd have been in so much trouble, it wouldn't have even been fathomable. Shino and Shikamaru especially were shocked- and slightly impressed- that Naruto had gotten Sasuke to spill just from seemingly insulting the jutsu and insinuating they were inferior. Unbeknownst to all of the prospective Genin, the fox had exerted some influence into Naruto's eyes to 'encourage' the boy to reveal everything he knew about the Mangekyo.
"I was wrong, they aren't stupid." Sasuke gave a smug grin. "They're stupid, overpowered, and basically an excuse for your clan to act like dicks."
Sasuke almost facefaulted at that "Whatwhatwhat?!"
"C'mon, I mean..why kill your best friend?" Naruto asked. "That's just mean ... plus, it makes you blind. I mean sure, that super fire thing is pretty cool, but going to all that trouble just to go blind; I'd rather have my friend instead."
Sasuke sniffed in arrogant dismissal. "When you have power, people will want to be your friend."
"Not if they know you killed your best friend." Naruto lectured. "If you're willing to kill your best friend, just what are you willing to do to a regular one? And if you think any girl will want to start a family with a guy like that, your illusional."
"I believe the word you're looking for is dellusional, Naruto-san," Shino said. "-but the sentiment still holds."
"S'not what Itachi said." Sasuke pouted, causing a fangirl swoon.
"You ever think Itachi might have been pranking you, cuz he knew you'd fall for it?"
"You idiot, that's like saying the whole massacre was an elaborate joke!" Sasuke screamed, slightly foaming at the mouth in his anger.
"No, it's not. It's like saying that he killed your clan, and then decided to make them look even stupider, by tricking you into doing something really dumb."
Sasuke's mouth opened and closed for several minutes. "...I...that..."
"I think I've just lost all respect for the Uchiha Clan." Kiba muttered to Akamaru.
"Troublesome."
"I must admit...one must wonder if they have a history of...problems." Shino intoned.
Ami stared at the Uchiha in horror, before turning to Hinata, the leader of the Naruto fan club. "All of a sudden, I'm not sure if I want to be Mrs. Uchiha anymore. Is it too late to switch sides?"
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Meanwhile, Sarutobi was holding a meeting of the prospective Jounin sensei, as well as the current sensei for a report on their Genins' progress. At this point, the meeting had devolved into spying on the graduating class waiting to take their exams.
"So if he graduates, I get to have the funny blonde on my team? Score." Kakashi was exceptionally happy. Sensei's talent with Kushina's personality was a prime pot for entertainment gold, and when you throw in a Sharingan, as well as a prideful Uchiha teammate, the possibilities were endless.
Anko wasn't at all happy with the insinuation. "Hey no fair, I wanted to teach him."
"Hey now, he'd do wonders for Hinata's confidence." Kurenai said. Sure, she'd come out of her shell a bit to take control of the Naruto fanclub, but with Naruto encouraging her, she'd be able to come into her own as a kunoichi as well. And it would be fun having him on the team.
"But he's filled with so much youth!" Gai protested. "That should make him my student by default."
"You already have a team, Gai." Anko reminded him.
"And you're not even a full Jounin, Anko." Asuma reminded her.
With a surprisingly cute pouts, and annoyed Anko grumbled. "Butt out, butt monkey."
Kakashi, who was annoyed at all of these potential usurpers, decided to end the argument. "You all realize I called dibs years ago. I've technically had dibs since we found out he'd been conceived."
Anko, who'd been able to get the real story from her contacts in the Rumor Monguring Division of Anbu decided to call him on that... "Bullshit, you just got lucky. Everyone knows that Kushina-san wanted Rin to be his sensei." Kakashi winced. No one was supposed to know about that, damn it.
Ironically enough, regardless of his having the Sharingan, and copying the Bunshin no Jutsu in class, Naruto still found himself unable to perform the jutsu properly. Too much chakra, and too much trouble controlling it- because the Leaf Exercise, which is meant for academy kids with typical Genin level reserves- isn't near a strong enough exercise for Naruto huge reserves.
Almost as if it was predetermined to happen, Naruto was tricked into learning the Kage Bunshin. He also learned about the Kyuubi that night. In an oddly pleasant turn of events, when Mizuki tried to kill Iruka, he got blasted with the strongest Genjutsu Naruto had ever created with his Sharingan. Mizuki would forever believe himself to be a pretty little princess in her pretty blue dress.
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Meanwhile, in another part of the Elemental Nations, a certain Konoha traitor was starting to brood.
'...Kami it's so boring here.' Itachi thought. 'I could have stay with Naruto, and that chaos causing Sharingan, but nooooooooo, my whole clan has to be a bunch of idiots and make a suicide pact that I had to carry out because I thought Naruto having our bloodline was amusing. Screw this, I'd rather have everyone know the Uchiha were mentally unbalanced than deal with this boredom, or another of Kakuzu's accounting meetings.'
Standing from the table he'd been sitting at, waiting on his partner Kisame to finish abusing the toilet- he'd warned him about eating suspect teriyaki from vending machines- he headed down the hall, and knocked on a door where loud music was playing.
"Madara, I know you said never to disturb you in your happy place, but this whole pokemon imitation thing has gotten boring, and I want to go home now." Itachi frowned with nothing but silence met his declaration. "...Madara?"
Suddenly the music he'd faintly heared was turned up. "SOOOO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!"
Itachi glared at the door, before shrugging and walking away. "I'll take that as go ahead. And what the hell does 'ziggy zig ah' mean, anyway?"
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Extra
I. Itachi gets pardoned
"You killed our clan." Sasuke yelled, attacking his brother with a kunai. "I'll kill you."
Itachi, easily dodging, disarmed Sasuke, and pinned him down. "It's not like I wanted to do it."
Sasuke, who was tired from his failed attack, whined. "Then...why...do it?"
"Danzo made me do it." Itachi lied, not thinking that Sasuke could handle learning that the entire clan was so afraid of an Uzumaki having the Sharingan that they decided on a clanwide suicide pact to be carried out by the two members of the clan who'd found everything so amusing. He still refused to forgive Shisui for taking the cowards way out, and making him do it all. "He threatened to let this perverted old man named Orochimaru come and kidnap you, so he could do unspeakably disturbing things to your body."
"W-what kind of things?" Sasuke asked, real fear in his voice.
Itachi gave his brother a sinister grin. "The kinda things your fangirls wanna do to it."
Needless to say, Orochimaru never even got close to Naruto- after he learned the boy had the Sharingan- or Sasuke. The two boys- Naruto after being warned about the pedophile who wanted to do bad things to his body- sent the Snake retreating from the forest after an overkill application of Amaterasu, Tsukiyomi, and Izanagi that would have made Ibiki smile. But that was at least a year away, after they became Genin. And speaking of which.
II. Itachi is given the squad that Kakashi was going to have
"What, no fair!" Kakashi protested.
"It is." Sarutobi replied easily. "Itachi is more skilled with his Sharingan, better suited to teaching the mechanics of using it, and Naruto likes him better. Besides, everyone knows that you only wanted to teach Naruto because of the entertainment value he and Sasuke would provide.
"Okay, I can't deny that, but I still want to teach my sensei's son." Kakashi admitted. "How about you let me be their sensei, but Itachi can teach them the Sharingan stuff, and anything else he wants."
"Hmm, I guess that could work." Sarutobi replied thoughtfully. "I'll make you co-sensei, since I have a feeling that Itachi is going to be doing more of the instruction anyway."
Oddly enough, Naruto develops very good chakra control when learning the Tree Climbing exercise. Copying Sakura- with her perfect control- do it, actually has some significant effect on his control. Later on, copying someone like Jiraiya- who has reserves like his- use the Water Walking excercise, it actually helps increase his control even more than learning the exercise from Itachi did.
III. Wave Mission
Kakashi takes the team on the Wave Mission alone since it's a simple C-rank, as Itachi's abilities were needed elsewhere. When Itachi returns from his mission and finds out, he reminds Sarutobi of the curse on the Nidaime's training line involving C-ranks. Because of his Sharingan, Naruto learns several new suiton jutsu thanks to the fight between Kakashi and Zabuza. He also potentially gains the Mangekyo (2) from Haku's death, and being unable to save him.
IV. Tora Retreival Mission Genjutsu
A Sharingan based Genjutsu that Naruto comes up with for the Chuunin Exams, and teaches to his teammates. He of course had to get help from Itachi to make it a normal Genjutsu for Sakura to use, but all three are very proficient with it by the time they take the exams.
1. got this concept of Inuzuka dogs mounting human girls from EroSlackerMicha's Kitsune and the Metamorph
2. deviantart DOT com, newalex gallery, sharingan set 2, top right or bottom left
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Alternative interrogation tactics that would only work for Naruto
This drabble was inspired chapter 18 of 'Why Kakashi Should Never Read Out Loud' by lord of the land of fire. After Sakura utterly fails, Naruto decides to take a crack at it.
"Obaachan, let me talk to her." Naruto begged.
"Naruto, you have no experience, you're too naive, and you're too nice to do this right." Tsunade said, rejecting his plea.
"Baachan, I know I can do this." Naruto said, his face a mask of determination. "Failing is not an option here, I have to do this. Besides, you gave Sakura the chance to crash and burn. Even Hinata would make a better interrogator than Sakura, and she's the nicest person I know." Being reminded of her apprentice's utter failure caused the woman to glare. Tsunade looks up in annoyance, ready to tear into the blond, but froze when she saw the look on his face.
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"Are we really doing this again?" Ibiki asked. While he didn't want to question the Hokage, he didn't see the point of going through this again.
"I tried to talk him out of this, but he gave me the look." Tsunade lamented.
"The look?" Ibiki asked.
"That serious look that Jiraiya, Minato, and Kushina used to give people that made it impossible to say no to them. It was...I couldn't say no."
Having been on the receiving end of that look, he just shrugged. "Well he can't be any worse than the other one."
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Karin stared in shock at the person that they'd sent to interrogate her next. Sure, he was handsome, had an overwhelming chakra presence- Karin blushed a bit- and was pretty much everything that Sasuke was not as far as proper boyfriend material, but the boy wasn't very bright. Did they really think he'd get her to talk? That pink haired fangirl had a better chance, and they'd already seen how that one turned out. Given what he felt about perverts, she already knew how to deal with this one.
Sasuke Uchiha always did have a bad habit of overestimating himself, and underestimating others. Sadly, it was a trait that had been somewhat passed along to the members of Team Hebi/Taka. Had she truly known anything about him, Karin wouldn't have written Naruto off so quickly.
"What's it going to take to get you to talk?"
"Maybe some incentive." Karin said, licking her lips lecherously at him, and found herself surprised when he didn't immediately flip out.
"You're a sensor, so you can tell how much stamina I have." Naruto said firmly.
"I can." She said, trying not to grin.
"From what little useful information Sakura was able to gleam from her conversation with you, you seem to be quite the nympho."
"I might be." Karin replied.
In truth, she was still a virgin because she had been saving herself for Sasuke, and he didn't seem to be interested in her. However, for the sake of her plan, she was a filthy whore whose greatest passtime was getting gangbanged by mobs of at least sixty men and women with strap-ons. Naruto stared her in the eyes for several seconds. Suddenly, he unzipped and unbuttoned his pants; before grabbing the waist of his pants and boxers, and pulling them down to his knees.
"And I can make a thousand Kage Bunshin, and barely feel it." Naruto asked. "Is that enough incentive for you?"
"I'll tell you anything you want to know." Karin said, her countenance somewhat zombie-like, before she snapped out of it rather quickly. "If I talk, then I have your word that I get to play with that as much as I want, right?"
"We'll see, depending on the information you give us."
"Right, I'm going to need a couple dozen blank scrolls, and something to write with." Karin said, determination written on her face. "And something to snack on, cuz we might be here awhile. Oh, and I want you to stay just like that."
"Any particular reason why?" Naruto asked.
"To remind me why I'm cooperating." Karin replied.
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"Well I'll be damned, the kid's a prodigy." Ibiki said, amusement coloring his tone. "You seem upset, Hokage-sama."
"I am." Tsunade admitted. "That gaki just gave me another reason to be disappointed in Sakura."
"No one ever accused that clan of having much common sense. That they're notorious for accepting bad relationship advice from those Inner Personas, I'm not surprised she hasn't gotten a clue. Hell, I'm fairly certain that if she had as much confidence as some of her peers, the Hyuuga Heiress would already be carrying the gaki's child."
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Silly Drabble 43
As Ino struggled in her bindings, she couldn't help the curse that escaped her lips. Their intel had been bogus. Not only were the targets not the bunch of ragtag bandits as they were led to believe, but they were a band of Missing-nin. Not only that, but they were missing-nin from an enemy village. Not only were they from an enemy village, but they were from a village that had a particular dislike for her clan. The founder of the Hidden Valley Village happened to be the leader of a clan that had hated hers since the beginning of the Great Clan Wars.
"Long way from home, aren't you little missy." A man said.
"I hope you know that my partner is going to come looking for me when I don't show back up at our campsite." Ino said, sure that Naruto would rescue her.
"You mean this partner." The man said, before a man in orange was brought forward.
"Naruto!" Ino exclaimed.
"Kenji found him skulking around by the rations." The man said.
"Hey boss, what are we going to do with them?" One of the others asked.
"Well, we're going to kill them both." He replied. "But I think I could use a little stress relief, first. Matter of fact, I think we could all use some, so there's no reason we can't have a bit of fun with her first. We'll even let the boy watch." None of them saw the glare that crossed Naruto's features.
"Ino-chan, remember when you caught me with your panties, and threw a fit." Naruto said. "Even threatened to report me when we got back?"
"What of it?" Ino growled, as the men laughed.
"What color are you wearing?" Naruto asked, causing all of the men to grin. "Ino, this is very important, what color are you wearing? If you don't want to die, you'll tell me."
"You're going to die no matter what color you're wearing, but it's not like we won't see them anyway." The leader said, missing the significant look Naruto sent at his partner.
"Blue, okay." Naruto gave a sigh of relief. He'd gotten to the blue ones.
"Ino, I know that after yesterday, you may find a bit of difficulty doing so, but I need you to trust me." Naruto said, his voice serious. "You're going to feel chakra trying to surround you, and a feeling of being grabbed and pulled. Let the chakra do its job, and don't fight it, or you actually will die. Promise me that you'll do this, and I promise that you'll be glad that I borrowed your panties, that you wore blue, and that you'll return home with your virtue intact." The young woman nodded.
The next instant happened so fast, that if she hadn't been a Jounin, she would have missed it. The Naruto in front of her popped, causing all kinds of chaos with the enemy, and a second later she heard the loud screeching whistle of panty soaking, collateral damage, omega death, before seeing the jutsu flying right for her. When the jutsu was about three meters away, what felt like a pair of chakra arms wrapped around her, and pulled. Barely a millisecond later, her surroundings changed in an instant, and she was being held on unsteady legs, in the arms of her mission partner. A second after that, she felt a wave of chakra infused wind blow by her so strongly, that if she hadn't been in Naruto's arms, she might have been swept away by it.
"So, are we good?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah, we're good." Ino replied. "What was that, by the way?"
"It was a seal I created that lets me find you pretty much anywhere, and bring you to me from anywhere." Naruto answered. "It works kind of like a reverse summoning jutsu, but a lot more complicated."
"Oh, well, thanks again." Ino said. "Just next time, tell me what you're doing first, and can we use something other than my panties."
"Sorry, but I had to make sure it was something that I knew you'd be wearing." Naruto said giving her a sheepish look. "And I doubted you'd go without panties on a mission. I probably could have drawn the seal on you, but that would have involved a level of physical comfort with each other that I don't think we've reached, or will for that matter."
"And just what would that involve?" Ino asked teasingly.
"At the very last partial nudity." Naruto answered back almost clinically, though his blush belied his true feelings. "Possible, prolonged touching in a place that I almost certainly normally wouldn't be allowed. Drawing the seal on the body takes time, so there could be some awkwardness. Given that it's best to be applied some place that can't easily be seen, that's why it's such an issue."
"Something tells me that that isn't all."
"I'd also have to apply the chakra to make it permanent." Naruto said. "And in order for it to become a part of you, which would make things like finding you anywhere and bringing you to me without seeing you possible, rather than just a tattoo, it takes slowly channeling the chakra into the area."
"Which would again involve touching that part...and for an even greater extended amount of time as well." Ino said. "Depending on where the seal is placed, it's toeing borderline between appying a seal, and seduction techniques; especially since you're channeling chakra while touching possibly intimate places." Naruto shrugged. "Has anyone let you do it?"
"Sakura, lower back, following the length of her spine." Naruto answered. "The bottom most stroke is across her tailbone, and yes, it got me punched." He then blushed.
"Who else?" Ino pushed. Something told her that this would be gossip worthy.
"Ayame got one, on her right hip, under her panty line." Naruto said, but something told Ino that wasn't the one that made him blush. "Not exactly sure why she wanted one, though."
"Naruto!" She pushed further.
"Hinata, along the top most rib beneath the sternum, under her left breast." Ino's eyes narrowed. "Hey, that's where she suggested I put it." Given the glare Ino was still directing at him, he decided that there was no way he was going to even hint at what happened afterwards.
Extra
Ino decides to let him do it, and is surprised at how oddly sensual the process is without him even trying. She also notices that her panties are damp by the time Naruto finishes, as well as her nipples being a bit stiff. She realizes that's probably why Sakura hit him, she wasn't used to Naruto turning her on so much, even if it was unintentional, and didn't know how to react.
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Conversations with a rabid yaoi fangirl
MAJOR DISCLAIMER! DO NOT IGNORE!
If you are a hardcore, uber Nar/Hin shipper, parts of this may greatly disturb you. Actually, I would suggest anyone skip this drabble unless you have a strong mental fortitude, but most especially Nar/Hin shippers, or Nar/Sak and Sas/Hin haters due to some implications in certain parts.
Sakura: Neither me or Sasuke had any luck, maybe you can do something about her, Hinata. (Hinata enters the room) I really hope this works.
Sasuke: It should. Hinata has that classic kawaii vibe that people with functioning emotions find irresistable.
Inside...
Hinata: Fangirl-san, I must insist that you desist with featuring my husband in your smut. If you continue to do so, then I may be forced to take drastic measures...measures that you may find uncomfortable.
Yaoi Fangirl: Are you threatening me?
Hinata: I am only trying to warn you.
Yaoi Fangirl: (Fangirl's eyes hardened) Don't forget what I'm capable of. I am a fanfiction author, after all. Just because I'm a yaoi fan doesn't mean I can't make a few forays into the heterosexual arena. It would be so easy to write a fic about you and a boy whose not Naruto. (hinata gasp) Matter of fact, I can see an idea coming right now. You, Naruto, and Sasuke are on a mission, and Naruto gets poisoned. While it's not fatal normally, if Naruto doesn't rest, and give the Kyuubi time to purge his system, he will die. You stop to rest at a hot spring.
While Naruto is resting, Sasuke makes some tea from the tin in the room, and then you and he partake of the co-ed hotspring. After a few moments relaxing, you look over at Sasuke, and with the water from the spring clinging to him, and the moon glistening off his skin, you can- for the first time- see the adonis that the other girls always have, and you can't help but blush. Sasuke notices the blush, and having always been jealous of your feelings for Naruto and not him, he decides to take advantage of the situation. Little did you know that the girl working the desk was new, so forgot to mention that you and Naruto had taken the honeymoon suite. She also forgot to mention that all of the teas in the room were laced with a fast acting aphrodisiac. An aphrodisiac that will not only send the two of you down a path you would never travel otherwise, but that also greatly increases your stamina and fertility.
Hinata: No! (she pleaded, )
Yaoi Fangirl: Oh yes, Sasuke seduces you right there in that hotspring, finally losing his virginity to the one girl that he'd always secretly wanted. As the foreplay starts getting hot and heavy, you get the desire to taste him, so you have him sit on the edge of the spring. As your lips wrap around him, you can't help but notice how much easier it is to take all of Sasuke in your mouth than it is to take Naruto, whom you can only get about halfway. When Sasuke finishes, you swallow his slightly bitter seed, and give him a sweet smile.
Sasuke- having thought Naruto was the luckiest man on the planet while you were sucking him- decides that he just has to return the favor. With the aphrodisiac making you so sensitive and responsive to his touch, his licking of your wet pot begins to become riddled with pauses as Sasuke begins to confess to the secret that he'd always held close. He reveals that the reason he ignored Sakura and Ino was because he'd always had feelings for you. The only reason he never approached you was because you loved Naruto, and because he knew that he had to revive his clan, and your kekkei genkai would fight each other.
Hearing such a sad story, you can't help but feel sorry for the man, especially when you remember how you felt growing up pining for Naruto while he futilely chased Sakura. Knowing your cycle as you do, you know that you're ovulating at your most fertile peak. Now normally, thoughts like the one starting to develop would never enter your head, but the tainted tea has messed with her mind. Realizing that Naruto always tried to do what he could to help his friends, you decide to give Sasuke this one small gift.
"Sasuke-kun," You say. "I'm so sorry that I've unknowingly caused you such sadness. Just this one time, I'll let you impregnate me to make up for it."
"Oh Hinata!" He exclaimes, before pouncing on you with an even greater lustful furver. All too soon, the foreplay gives into full on lusty intercourse.
Turning you so that you're facing the wall, Sasuke enters you with a single harsh stroke, and then begins pounding into you as hard, fast, and deep as he can go. Now while Sasuke Uchiha could be considered fairly well endowed to most girls, he's got nothing on your Naruto. Still, because of the aphrodisiac, and his aggressive furver, his cock feels massive, like he's filling you as easily as Naruto does. Given how responsive and sensitive the tea has made you, it doesn't take long before you're both lost to lust, mindlessly copulating without thought, care, or regard to who might see you. Poor, poor, Naruto. While he's asleep in your shared room, his supposed best friend is working feverishly towards consentually knocking up his girlfriend. (Hinata gasps in horror=no)
Unfortunately for you, because Naruto had tamed and assimilated much of the fox's chakra, the purge takes a much shorter time than you expected, and Naruto noticing your absenses, decides to join his best pal and the love of his life in the hotspring. However, when he gets there, his world comes crashing down when he sees his beloved Hinata bent over the side of the hotspring, and his best friend thrusting furiously into her from behind. And if that's not bad enough, he hears you crying out in pleasure.
"Oh yes Sasuke-sama, I'm your whore, and always will be! Whenever and however you want me, I'm yours for the taking! Kami, take what should have been yours, and make me forget all about Naruto. Cum inside me, knock this fertile cow up, and let me spend the rest of my life getting pregnant with your babies."
Right after you say that, Naruto is forced to watch as Sasuke does just that. With the combination of a lifetime of celibacy, years of secret pent up passion for you, losing his virginity to the woman he'd secretly loved, and the ability of ero-anime and fanfiction to allow for normally impossible biological things to happen, Sasuke experiences the biggest orgasm of his life, releasing all of the sperm his body had created since he hit puberty. He unleashes a huge monster of a load, continuously shooting a steady stream of super thick- and I'm talking consistency of cottage cheese mixed with peanut butter thick- baby batter into your greedy, fertile, highly receptive womb for almost ten full minutes.
At about the three and a half minute mark, your eyes begin to roll up into your head as your belly starts distending from the onslaught of the thick fluid. And what's more, is that your new Sasuke-sama pulls you up so your back is flush against his chest so he can suckle and nibble your neck, marking you as his while Naruto watches. He can also see your belly slowly expanding from trying to accomodate the massive flood of Sasuke's super potent baby making milk (1)- which for this one time only, puts even Naruto's unnatural potency to shame. The feeling of so much fluid shooting into you like that snaps your mind, and the insane orgasm you have as a result keeps it broken for several minutes, and leaves you with an omega fucked silly face (2). After six minutes, your belly has inflated as far as it would go. With no more room, and seemingly no stop to the fluid intake, it begins spilling out around him. The copious volume of fluid made an audible splashing sound as it rained from you like a waterfall (3).
Finally- ten minutes and almost 3.14 gallons of super thick ball chowder after he started cumming- when the flood ends, the two of you collapse; you leaning over the side of the pool on your forearms, and Sasuke on top of you, his sweaty form sticking to yours. If the lustful dialogue hadn't damned you, it was what was said in your post coital euphoria that would simultaneously destroy Naruto and your relationship with him.
"I love you, Hinata." Sasuke says into your ear.
"I love you too, Sasuke-koi." You answer back. "There will never be another man for me."
Distraught, Naruto goes back to the room, and packs his things. He then leaves you a note telling you that if you want to be with Sasuke, then he loves you enough to step aside, and let you be happy with him. He then heads onto Konoha- which is several days away even for Lee and Gai without weights- using the Hiraishin to get there instantly.
When you finally recover from your mindless lust haze, and realize what you've done, you feel more guilty than you ever have before. You and Sasuke agree that this never happened, and that no one will ever find out about it- and as much as you hated to do so on principle, you planned to abort any child that resulted as soon as possible. When you get back to your room, you find the note, and realize to your horror that Naruto saw you cheating on him in that lustful haze caused by the tainted tea. You and your recent fuck partner hightail it back to Konoha, hoping to clear things up with your love.
Fortune again abandons you, as Naruto has left you, and taken up with Sakura, who he'd spent the past few days banging into incoherency like a drum; mind breaking her even worse than Sasuke had done to you under the influence of the tea. The pinkette can't help but flash you with a smug grin everytime she sees you; knowing that like you, she's soon to be carrying a child. After all that time you spent taunting her about what she'd let go pursuing Sasuke, she can finally get you back by taunting you with what you gave up for a night with Sasuke that probably in retrospect doesn't even compare to what you had with Naruto (4). And right after she said this, you realize that she was absolutely right. Of course, we all know that Sakura is the absolute worst possible pairing for Naruto, and less than four months of a spirit breaking relationship later, Naruto plunges himself off the Hokage monument after placing a seal on himself that would prevent the fox's chakra from healing or saving him."
Hinata had tears in her eyes at the horrid nightmare of a tale she'd just been fed. Not only had it had her and Sasuke being intimate, and her enjoying it, it had also had Sasuke impregnating her after she'd begged him for it, Naruto leaving her for Sakura, and then killing himself because hooking up with Sakura was such a horrible mistake. It would take an evil, twisted type of person to write a fanfiction where Naruto leaves her for Sakura after she cheated on him with anyone. It took someone of the most vile sort to consider her ever cheating on Naruto with Sasuke in any kind of circumstance plausible. And only the most monstrous, soulless of evil doers would ever think she'd consent to being impregnated by Sasuke Uchiha, let alone want or beg for it.
Sure, he'd proven a decent comrade after the war with Madara, and getting the psychological help he should have gotten years ago after the Uchiha massacre- hell, he'd even played a part in her and Naruto finally getting together- but whether he had feelings for her or not, she was not attracted to him in any way, shape, or form. Nor was he attracted to her for that matter, preferring more petite girls like Sakura.
Hinata: Y-you're horrible.
Yaoi Fangirl: I will do whatever it takes to protect my yummy yaoi goodness. You threaten me, and everyone will bear witness to this tale of your sordid affair with Sasuke, no matter how many readers this scars for life. (Hinata leaves the room with tears running down her cheeks. The hopeful expressions on Sakura and Sasuke's faces turn to ones of frustration. Sakura then notices the tear tracks, and the water droplets still falling from her face.
Sakura: What happened, Hinata? (She just shakes her head.)
Later, they're able to get the story from her, and Sasuke is highly tempted to go back and kill the evil woman, but Sakura won't let him, no matter how much she wants to as well.
Sasuke: Saying something so sick to Hinata of all people, that's just wrong. Even I wasn't ever that obsessed with revenge.
Sakura: Looks like we have to bring out the big guns.
Hinata: I really didn't want to bother Naruto-kun while he was enjoying one of his few days off work to spend with our children, but it doesn't seem like we have a choice.
An hour later...
Yaoi Fangirl: Hello, Naruto-k-
Naruto: Don't talk, just listen. First of all, I am a happily married man, and the father of four beautiful children. (Hinata insisted he settle his business with Shion before they got serious, so that she wouldn't be a bother later, in case anyone is curious.) That being said, I have no real issue with you Nar/Sas fangirls, or Nar/yaoi in general. (Yaoi Fangirl actually looked shocked at that.) I know my preferences, and my wife is the only one I ever plan to be intimate with, so who am I to deny someone their fantasies? The thing that I have a problem with, is me being made the fucking bottom, especially to Sasuke...AS THE FUCK IF! The signs are plainly obvious as to who that is.
First of all, look at who our sensei are. My sensei was a fucking lecher of epic proportions, peeped on women's bath houses, and wrote porn. Sasuke's sensei's sexuality is called into question on an almost daily basis, the man has a jutsu so that he can deepthroat a sword, he can grow his tongue to unnatural lengths (though I'll admit that is a useful trick to use on your woman), has an obsession with using his tongue to hold things, and he has another sick obsession with giving people hickies (I mean really, why not apply the seal like normal people). Not only that, but he's made it no secret that he wants Sasuke's body, and at no point does he even bother to clarify the fact he wants Sasuke's eyes, not just his body in general. Genius that he's hailed to be, he can't possibly be unaware of what leaving open interpretation will have people thinking. Not only that, but given the extreme pride he's shown, I can't see him just allowing such insinuations to go unchecked, which is in itself suspicious.
Second of all, our summons. My summons are toads, simple and pretty much straight forward. Even the tadpole, when insinuated sexually mostly compares to pregnancy, which can only happen between a man and woman, no matter how much yaoi fangirls wish otherwise. Sasuke's summons are snakes; how many phallic comparisons, insinuations, and jokes come to your mind just from that alone? Go ahead, I'll wait.
Yaoi Fangirl: W-well... (she would never admit that she had ten right off the bat)
Naruto: And don't even get me started on his natural bishie looks that are almost feminine, whereas I had to use a jutsu to even appear feminine. I mean really, between the two of us, who looks more like a girl? Hell, the only two guys who have a more feminine appearance that I can think of are Neji and Haku. Not to mention what he was wearing...assbow, are you kidding me? Do you honestly expect me to believe that Mr. Apathetic I've-burned-all-my-bridges Uchiha- who has frankly ignored every woman who paid him attention- chose that style as some kind of fanservice? Yeah, you keep thinking that. While I don't really care one way or the other whether or not you write me and Sasuke like that, I do ask you to at least be honest about it.
Yaoi Fangirl: I-I'll think about it. (Naruto nods, before heading for the door, and pausing.)
Naruto: By the way, I know what you said to Hinata. Do not threaten her like that again, and I'd advise not writing any fics like that. (His eyes turned completely black, like an empty void.) Not only am I now the Jinchuuriki for the Juubi, which gives me the power to warp reality, but I'm aware of the Fourth Wall, and have a very sick, and demented friend beyond it. I'm sure I can arrange for an Oc gangbang fic to be written with you as the main heroine, and a couple hundred slimy disgusting Oto nin as your partners. With my reality bending abilities, it wouldn't be too hard for me to make it into an actual SI for you. You know the type, girl suddenly finds herself pulled into the Naruto world. (With that, Naruto calmly leaves, and shuts the door.)
Yaoi Fangirl: Note to self, never threaten- or let the idea pop into my head- to write a Hinata/Sasuke ship fic, ever.
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1. go to gelbooru DOT com; type in 'hayashi_custom trembling hair_bow izayoi_sakuya' exactly as is minus the ''
2. gelbooru DOT com; 'rieri_bishop fucked_silly animated_gif', and click the doggystyle pic (warning, if your computer is like mine it might take a moment to completely load up). While Sasuke came for much longer than the guy in the picture, it'll give you a better sense of her reaction.
3. gelbooru DOT com; 'irrumatio oboro_(taimanin_asagi) defeated' or 'overflow nun piercing' or 'pichipichi_garou_r lactation cumdrip dog' second pic or 'gokumon seiken_densetsu' or 'k_miyabi jyami facial'
4. The sad thing is, there are Sas/Hin fics that have at least some element of that sickening little plot up there. Just as bad, are the ones where Hinata catches Naruto and Sakura together, and she runs to Sasuke for comfort, and ends up begging him to sleep with her- possibly even knock her up- as some sort of poorly thought out revenge. Then, when Naruto realizes his mistake and wants to make things right, they can't because she's pregnant with Sasuke's kid, and things can never go back to the way they were. I'll admit that I'm not fond of the pairing, but if you're going to go with it, at least come up with something believable.
AN: Okay, in case you haven't figured it out yet, this was me being a dick. Admittedly, I started this when I was being snippy about yaoi fangirls, and how they always have Naruto as the bottom with Sasuke. But when I finally came back to it, and finished it, it kind of evolved into me seeing how disturbing I could make it, and just how much I could fuck with Nar/Hin shippers who take that pairing way too seriously, and the anti-Nar/Sak and anti-Sas/Hin readers who disregarded both my warnings. I mean, don't get me wrong, I ship Nar/Hin all day, and I can't stomach Sas/Hin at all because I just can't see them working out, but I'm not going to go riot over it, I just won't read it. What's funny, is that I'm sure to lose a lot of readers who fall into the three above highlighted categories. I'd also like to point out that this is not intended to offend any yaoi fangirls/boys, as I highly doubt any of them are as rabid as the one portrayed in the story.
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And there goes another chapter worth of pointlessly bad, and uselessly feeble plot ideas that dribbled from my head.