Mind Farts

by NarutosBrat

Just a few drabbles and ideas for anyone whose interested.

7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: You'll never catch me, and all of my unwilling victims will continue to suffer when I force my brain dribble upon them. HEHEHEHUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Can't stop, won't stop, uh uh, take that, take that...

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Silly Drabble 44

It was late one spring evening when Naruto found himself walking Ino home after a bout of intense training. He'd agreed to be the test dummy for one of her family jutsu since he was the only one she knew who was both stubborn and sturdy enough to make holding a captured opponent difficult. They were taking a shortcut from the training through the park nearest her home, enjoying the simple comraderie, as their current company was the only one in their group they could talk crap to who wouldn't take things seriously, or out of context, and who could also give as good as they got. Their conversation had been fun, light, and playfully flirtatious until...

"You know, Ino, joining Anbu has really done wonders for you." Naruto said, grinning with a playful leer. "And not just as a ninja, either."

"Oh please, I've been telling everyone that for years." Ino said, rolling her eyes. "Are you only now just pulling your eyes off of Sakura to notice the obvious?"

"You really are one of the prettier kunoichi in the village, Ino." Naruto said, seriously.

While the style of her outfit hadn't overly changed much since she was a Chuunin, the changes that she'd made had made a world of difference. Her top was mostly the same, but it was now a black, one piece item that bared a greater expance of her now more defined middrift. The collar was also higher, reaching her chin. She'd completely forgone the purple skirt over her black spandex shorts- which were also a good deal shorter- and had foregone her lower mesh in favor of thigh high leggings like Karin's. Also, much like the redhead, her criminally long, toned legs looked very nice in them. He also found it interesting that instead of the typical armor or pocket filled vests, Ino had started wearing the standard medic utility belt she'd been given upon completing medic training (1).

"Flattery will get you no where, Naruto." Ino said wryly.

"That's probably true, but seduction will easily get me into those amazingly well filled panties of yours." Naruto replied shrugging.

"As if." Ino's tone of disbelief caused Naruto to smirk at her.

"I learned from a master, Ino." Naruto replied. "Even though I've never been with a girl before, if I made the effort, I could have you bent over a park bench screaming for me to fuck you like a nasty bitch in ten minutes tops."

"Yeah right," Ino said, her voice now becoming hard. "From what I've seen he's just a perverted old lecher with delusions of his own prowess. And you, Naruto, are a perverted baka for even thinking you could have a chance with me."

"If Ero-Sennin didn't have so much respect for women, he could literally have any woman he wanted, possibly even baachan, anytime, and anyplace he wanted to." Naruto said. "And he'd have probably already slept his way through over 2/3 of the women in this village by now. Now while I doubt I could pull that off against a more experienced woman without a bit more experience, you would prove little challenge."

"Sure you could Naruto."

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Half a mile away, in the Hokage Tower, Sakura was visiting her shishou, who just so happened to have figured out the Sandaime's crystal ball, and had it positioned on Naruto. Seeing the glare on the Hokage's face, Sakura spoke up.

"Don't worry, shishou, I'll knock some sense into him for you." She said. "I mean really, I can understand how he used to embelish stories about some of our more boring missions to Konohamaru's group and Ayame, but that is just ridiculous."

"Actually, it's not." Tsunade said, shocking the girl. "Jiraiya could do exactly what Naruto said, and even proved it to me once. The question I'd like to know, is if Naruto is capable of pulling it off."

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While kunoichi and their seduction techniques were more well known, and far more feared in the shinobi world, male ninja also had their fair share of those techniques that could be just as effective. As a matter of fact, Ino had a great uncle who was very handsome, very well versed in those arts, and was a specialized expert at turning captured enemy kunoichi during the second and third ninja wars (he was the reason for both the Namikaze and Haruno presence in Konoha). It didn't hurt that he also had the family jutsu at his disposal as well. That being said, she knew she didn't have anything to worry about...well from an expert like her uncle maybe, but not from Naruto.

Her father and great uncle had trained her hard in recognising those techniques- especially with her being an heiress and a higher profile target than even Shikamaru and Chouji- and common ways of countering them. She was prepared for anything he tried against her...or at least she thought she was. To give credit where it's due, Ino started out fairly well.

"Ero-Sennin always said that most kunoichi never expect that he's got the moves, and that almost always makes them easier targets for him." Naruto bragged about his sensei. "With the way he acts, they never realize they're being ensnared until it's far too late. So, in the interest of fairness, and so you have no excuses, I'm going to let you prepare yourself. You ready?"

Ino's only answer was to smirk. 'Ihis isn't going to work,' she thought confindently to herself.

And then suddenly, Naruto was in her personal space, almost nose to nose. She could feel his warm, yet fruity smelling breath ghosting across her nose and upper lip. He leant down to stare directly into her eyes, his bottomless deep blue orbs captivating her own sky blue ones, and Ino felt her heart skip a beat. Forced to fight down a blush, she only just caught the tail end of his swift movement, and only just got a defense up.

Shaking her head of the sudden cobwebs filling it, she focused back on her fellow blond. As Naruto wrapped his arms around her, and tried to pull her flush against him, a pair of strong hands on his chest began pushing him away. He may have caught her off guard, but he hadn't gotten her yet. He was going to have to try harder than that, and he certainly wasn't doing his sensei's 'prowess' any favors.

"Come on Ino," Naruto teased. "What's one little hug between friends? You might even enjoy it."

The Chuunin was about to completely write off Naruto's attempts at seduction as little more than a joke when she suddenly felt in overwhelming urge to stop pushing him away, and pull him closer. The feeling- no desire- to have his strong arms wrapped around her was nearly all encompassing, but was luckily also her saving grace. The suddenness of the urge had thrown up red flags, and raised several alarms in her shinobi and self-preservation instincts. While admittedly shocked that Naruto did seem to have some skill in seduction, she was now more confident that it was clumsy at best, and that she'd be able to overcome him. Looking back, she would realize that this was his plan, and relaxing her guard was her first mistake.

With her not taking him as seriously, it would open her up to the more effective seduction methods. She hadn't realized that the barrier she'd originally erected between them was now gone, as her arms were wrapped loosely about his waist. Neither had she realized, that the only thing keeping their chests from being pressed flush against each other, were the arms loosely wrapped around her own waist; arms connected to a body that was giving off an intoxicating presense of welcome safety.

She did however notice when Naruto started gently stroking her bare back, but didn't pay it any mind because he wasn't using a technique she was familiar with. All of which were designed to cloud the mind and the senses, and the last one had the side effect of making a girl's legs weak, and her knees buckle. All three she had been exposed to, and all three she had a defense against- though thankfully, they'd brought Chouji in for training against the last one.

There were three standard seduction techniques that were focused on the back. The first was chakra coated fingers doing a figure eight patten in the small of the back, the purpose of which was to relax both the target and their guard for a more effective technique. The second was chakra coated fingers running up and down the spine, which she knew from experience felt all kinds of amazing, and was the perfect set up for the finishing blow. The last- and she knew she had on too much clothing for him to be using that one- was circling the tail bone with chakra coated fingers. Usually by the time this technique was used, the target was already to the point of wanting it, and this was just to give her that extra little push into spreading her legs.

Ino was absolutely sure she was okay, because if there was one thing that her father and great uncle had stressed, it was paying attention to foreign chakra being pushed into her. One of the reasons why she'd done so well with medical jutsu- though not to the extent of Sakura- was because of that training. Always being hyper-aware of foreign chakra had allowed her to focus on medical jutsu being used on her, and learn the proper flow of the different medical techniques. The problem she currently found herself facing, however, was that Naruto wasn't pushing any chakra into her, so there was nothing to be aware of, as her training had taught her.

You see, Naruto was using the erogenous pressure points in her back; a technique that was almost exclusive to the kunoichi seduction arts due to the extremely delicate precision required. Male ninja tended to simply be too heavy handed to properly utilize such a technique, so no one could really expect Jiraiya or Naruto- given their fighting styles- to be capable of such a technique. One thing that one should never do though, is assume things about Naruto Uzumaki; especially since he came from a clan that was well known for using to great effect many of the more obscure- and difficult to learn and master- shinobi arts. Not only that, but when you factored in that Naruto could duplicate himself, and literally turn himself into a woman, it allowed him to learn and apply techniques like this that wouldn't have otherwise been possible.

It wasn't long before Ino found herself straining to remember exactly what she'd been taught. She didn't know how he'd done it, but he'd somehow managed to bypass all of her training. Whatever technique he was using, she was certainly finding it difficult to resist his temptations.

For a shinobi, it was easy to sense- and somewhat smell if one were an Inuzuka- that Ino was becoming highly aroused. She was rapidly losing her struggle, and her cheeks actually turned rosy when he finally pulled her flush against him. All the while, the feather light patterns he was caressing into her back were quickly weakening her resolve, and her knees. That was why when he made his request, she wasn't quite in the right frame of mind to truly resist him.

"Can I kiss you hime?" Naruto whispered in a husky voice.

Ino wanted to tell him no; wanted to tell him that he was crazy if he thought she was going to let him kiss her. Yet something in his voice kept her from doing so. Something about the way he'd asked made her desperately want to kiss him; to caress his tongue with hers the same way she used to fantasize about doing with Sasuke when she was younger. Almost as if she were in a trance, watching from her own mind as if she were under the control of one of her own family jutsu, Ino found herself leaning forward to meet Naruto's suddenly inviting lips. For some reason she couldn't stop herself, and once her lips met his, she didn't want to stop herself. The kiss went from open-mouthed chaste, to a heatedly passionate tongue battle within seconds after contact was made.

Once her lips and tongue were moving against his, it was all downhill from there. Due to the oral battle she was nearly entirely focused on, she completely missed the gentle, subtle things his hands were doing that were driving her further down the slope of passion and lust. The things his hands did to her back, to her torso along her ribs, to the area surrounding her navel, the things he did to her legs, her thighs, and even to her behind.

No, she missed it all, because of the chakra being channeled to his lips that was keeping her mind completely drawn to the kiss they were sharing. She hadn't even noticed when her knees buckled as she moaned into the kiss, and Naruto was forced to pick her up and carry her to the nearby park bench to keep her from collapsing to the ground. Neither did she notice that her legs- of their own volition- had wrapped around his waist during the short transit, and were pulling and holding their pelvic regions flush together.

Eight minutes and thirty-seven seconds after Naruto started found Ino's plump behind parked on the back of a park bench, lips glued to Naruto's, with the blond perched between her spread legs. Both of which were wrapped around his waist, her ankles rubbing up and down the back of his thighs. She broke the frantic lip lock, and began kissing his neck and throat, while fumbling with the button and zipper of his pants. Just as she was about to reach in and pull his dick out, push her panties aside, and stuff him into her, he stalled her hands. She tried to shake them off, but he wouldn't budge, and he didn't seem like he was about to do it himself.

"Damn it Naruto, stop teasing me and fuck me." She growled. Naruto gave her a smirk, and she inwardly sighed, figuring he'd just wanted her to say it before he'd actually do it. To her surprise, his only movement was to lean down so that his lips were right next to her ear.

"Well, to your credit, you're not bent over, and you didn't scream it, but I think I made my point." The blond said, before stepping back refastening his pants, and walking away grinning.

Ino, finally snapping back to awareness, and remembering what Naruto had been bragging about, blushed. She didn't know how long it had taken, but he had definitely had her begging him to fuck her...and that damned bastard had left her there horny as all hell. No way was he getting away with that. He started this, now he was damn well going to finish the job.

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Back in the Hokage's Tower, Tsunade and Sakura were staring at the crystal ball in shock. While Ino had put up a somewhat decent defense, Naruto had broken it down with near ease; and as Sakura had confirmed, well within the time limit. Not only that, but he'd gotten her to the point that she was ready to sleep with him in public, and then left her high and...well, Tsunade doubted the girl was dry. She doubted Naruto knew that he was doing it, but leaving Ino all riled up like that was almost perfect textbook execution for seducing, breaking, and turning enemy kunoichi into spies. Ahiko Yamanaka had written the book on it, and apparently Jiraiya had studied it, then used it to teach Naruto.

'Dear Kami, he's even better than Jiraiya was.' Tsunade thought.

She'd seen Jiraiya work before, and had admittedly been impressed, and fearful of his talents. It was part of the reason she'd never let him get close enough to use those talents on her. Sure it had only been on a civilian with no defense against such seduction, but she wasn't taking any chances, and apparently she'd been right. Hell, she was almost tempted to go hunt Naruto down herself, and she was just watching him work. Deciding she needed a drink to calm her nerves, the Hokage left her office. Tsunade was so stunned by the events, she forgot to turn the crystal off.

Unable to look away from the orb, Sakura watched as Ino followed him home, tackled Naruto to the ground just outside his apartment door, and insisted that he finish her off. Ino stripping Naruto had left both Chuunin in awe of the huge thing Naruto had kept hidden, and Sakura had watched in stunned fascination as Ino tried to cram it down her throat, before giving up and ordering Naruto to fuck her crosseyed. Much to the blonde's delight, Naruto stood her up, turned her around, bent her over the back of his couch, and delivered in spectacular fashion. As she watched Naruto plow Ino into a blissful, mind broken stupor for several hours- a couple of which had featured her riding him as well- she couldn't stop her hands from drifting beneath her shorts, and between her own legs.

As Sakura watched the two lovers finally settle down to sleep, Ino snuggled up to Naruto with her arms and one leg wrapped around him, she gasped for breath after her masturbation marathon culminated in an eleventh orgasm. Pulling her dripping hand from her soaked and sticky clothing, Sakura decided to head home, and try to forget what she'd seen, and what it had made her do. Unfortunately, Sakura would spend the night dreaming about what she'd seen, only with her taking Ino's place.

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The next morning, a young heiress by the name of Hinata Hyuuga was headed to Ichiraku to try and see her crush. Even after confessing to him, she found it difficult to do more than be in his presense without losing her composure. She'd convinced herself that today would be the day that she finally made her move, the day she would finally claim him as hers, but what she saw upon nearing the stand nearly caused her heart to break. Walking down the street from the opposite direction- which she knew Naruto lived, and Ino didn't- were Naruto and Ino; the latter of which was hanging off her crush's arm like she was his girlfriend or something. For the first time that she could remember, her nerves caused her to blurt out what was on her mind.

"I-Ino-san, are you and N-Naruto-kun together?" She asked once she got closer, the worry obvious in her voice, as she hadn't stuttered around Naruto since the war with Madara.

Hinata knew she couldn't compete with a girl like Ino. While she wasn't under any illusions that she wasn't desired by the opposite sex- she'd gotten enough perverted leers to set her straight in that area- Ino was just as beautiful, and much more confident in her beauty than she was. There was also the fact that Ino could do something that she couldn't...openly display romantic affections towards Naruto. Even after confessing her love for him, she was still shy about expressing those feelings in a more physically profound way.

Hinata was pulled from her ponderings by Ino's reply. "No, we're not together, but Naruto-kun has a standing invitation to come and fuck my brains out anytime he wants, so long as it's not inconvenient or anything."

"N-NANI?!" Hinata almost yelled. "You...but how...when?"

"Last night, Naruto bet me that he could seduce me to the point that I'd beg him to fuck me." Ino admitted. "I called his bluff, but it turns out he wasn't bluffing. I got pissed that he left me hot and bothered, so I followed him home with the intention of showing him that I wouldn't accept it. Well, despite my intention, I got the holy hell banged out of me."

"But...but-" Ino sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You two are so alike, it's sad." She grumbled. "Both of you want the same thing, but neither of you is willing to go get it. It's like you're two sides of the same pathetic coin."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked, offended on Hinata's behalf.

"Everyone knows that Hinata wants you," Ino started, causing both Naruto and Hinata to blush. "-but even after confessing her love for you, she's still too shy to come and take what she wants, and according to every girl in the village except Sakura, what's rightfully hers. Sakura on the other hand, secretly wants you, and can even have you at her whim, but is too afraid to admit to herself that she does. While they're both sitting around twiddling their thumbs, they give someone else a chance to swoop in and claim you for themselves. Luckily for Hinata, the one who swooped in was me; I'm at least willing to share you."

"You'd share with Sakura and Hinata?" Naruto asked shocked.

"No, I'd share with Hinata." Ino corrected him. "Regardless of the fact that we're best friends again, we're still rivals in love; besides, Hinata has at least admitted that she wants you, and I can respect that. Sakura won't even admit that she does, so she can fend for herself."

"B-but why would you share him?" Hinata asked, not understanding why anyone would want to share Naruto when they could have him to themselves.

"Because first off, I'm not trying to actually be his girlfriend, I just don't want to be kept from getting fucked silly on a consistent basis." Ino admitted. "Plus, there's the fact that he's really more stud than one woman could safely handle alone, so I figure I'd let you help me with him. If you want to be his official girlfriend, and do all the cutsie dating stuff, be my guest, but the goods in his pants are under joint custody if you catch my drift."

"I-it's fine." Hinata said, smiling at the fact that Ino hadn't stolen Naruto from her...not totally anyway. "I don't think I'm ready for that kind of relationship yet, so you can share his bed if you like."

"Oh, and what happens when you are ready?" Ino taunted.

"W-well," Hinata's face reddened. "-you said it would take two of us, right. Plus Naruto-kun does know Kage Bunshin."

Ino's eyes widened at such an obvious fact- one that had so much potential for bedroom kink that it was insane. "You and I are going to get along great, Hinata."

Six months after that, Hinata finally decided she was ready to take her relationship further with Naruto. With Ino along for moral support, Hinata got a hands on lesson of everything naughty that Naruto liked having done to him. Naruto got his first threesome as Hinata simultaneously lost her virginity, and learned that she had some bisexual tendencies. That was also the night that they learned the extent of Naruto's bedroom stamina. It took nine hours, and both of them working him over to exhaust Naruto, and even then they were still wrecked beyond belief.

Five years after that, Naruto married Hinata after her relationship with Naruto was accepted by the Hyuuga elders- thanks to a bit of helpful pursuasion from Clan Head Hiashi. Three months after their wedding night, Naruto found that he was going to be a father, and both the Hyuuga and Yamanaka clans were welcoming new additions.

While Sakura may have trumped Ino in nearly all aspects of their rivalry, when it came to love, Ino had completely blown her out the water.

1. gelbooru DOT com, 'yamanaka_ino solo mistix'

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Silly Drabble 45

"Where have you been, Sakura?" Ino nagged, frustrated that Sakura was late for their shopping trip.

"Team orgy." She replied.

"You let your team gangbang you?" Ino asked incredulously. After all, she was the only girl on a team with five guys.

"No way, that's gross." Ino gave her a glare, that made Sakura roll her eyes. "Look, I'm a girl, Sasuke-kun copied Naruto's gender switch jutsu, and Naruto knows Kage Bunshin. When I told him that I wanted to make out with his Sexy Justu, the clone transformed, and the three of us teamed up on Naruto's giant dick."

"What about Sai and Kakashi and Yamato?"

"Yamato-sensei had a mission, so he couldn't join us. As for Kakashi-sensei, he was taking notes for Naruto for a new Icha Icha, and Sai was making sketches of us for it." Sakura said. "There's a really good close up one of me, Sasuke, and the sexy clone all sucking Naruto off at the same time, and another one of Naruto totally drenching me head to toe with his huge load. I would have been here earlier, but that resulted in me needing a thorough shower. I was even more saturated than Ami was that day he pranked her with the paint." As Ino walked away dazed, two figures appeared beside her.

"You know what's really creepy?" Naruto said, earning curious looks from his teammates. "If you and Sasuke decided to really do that, he would probably make a hot woman, and it's almost a certainty that you'd probably find a way to talk me into going along with it."

"Lucky for you then Dobe, that I'm straight." Sasuke said. "Though now that I think about it, that advanced masturbation technique of yours does have some merit."

"So how long until you tell her the truth?" Naruto asked.

"Don't know." Sakura said. "I figure I'd let her stew on that for a couple days, and see what she does."

"We're gonna have to tell baachan and your mom what's going on, you know." Naruto said. "Ino is notorious for not being able to keep a secret not dealing with village security, and this will be all over the village by evening."

"I'll tell my mom, you tell Tsunade-sama."

"And people called the Kyuubi evil." Sasuke said, smirking at Naruto's horrified face.

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Just how dumb are these guys.

I started this shortly after the chapter where Sasuke decided that he was going to destroy Konoha.

The premise- The war went differently, and they didn't have to worry about Kabuto and the Edo Tensei crap. It was Obito-Madara and his Zetsu army, against the shinobi alliance. However, during the war, the Civilians in the Council managed to somewhat take over, and gain a stronger powerbase while the Hokage was away. Sasuke tries to attack the village, and loses to Naruto who returns the criminal.

The Civilian Council then orders him freed for an award ceremony where he will be rewarded for his numerous contributions to the village, and for saving it so many times. He will receive his choice of a single woman to help revive his clan for each accomplishment. He is also their choice for Rokudaime candidate. Unfortunately, several people have something to say about that.

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"You know what, forget it, I'm leaving." Naruto said. "If these people are so willing to forget the people who have given there hearts, their broken bodies, and in several cases during the Pein invasion, their lives, all because that bastard is back in Konoha, then it's just not worth the effort anymore. I wonder if the Mizukage's offer of marriage is still open."

"But Niisan, you're not going to protest that Sasuke is taking credit for everything you've done?" Moegi asked.

"What's the point?" Naruto said, shocking many people. "If their so stupid to believe that Sasuke did all that, then let them stew in their delusions, and suffer the consequences. Though I will admit I'm curious as to how they could possibly convince themselves that he did the last four."

"So you'd leave your precious people to suffer at his hands." Kakashi suddenly asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Sasuke is allowed to pick any female in this village to become his personal sex toys/brood mares, and they can't do anything about it, because it's a clan edict by the Daimyo to restore the Uchiha." Tsunade explained. "Could you live with leaving, and allowing that...thing to take your friends as his personal pets, and treat them any way he chooses?"

"Crap, I didn't think about that." Naruto said. "Alright, but let me see who he picks first."

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When he arrives at the podium for the ceremony, he is still wearing chakra draining manacles, and is restrained. Civilians in uproar, so they're forced to release him. Up on the podium, Sasuke already knew who he was going to pick. If he couldn't take his revenge by destroying Konoha, he was going to take great pleasure in making those who'd helped subdue him suffer...whether directly, or indirectly. With a superior smirk on his face, he began making his choices.

"For saving the village against Gaara during the Sound invasion, I choose Sakura Haruno, since I also directly saved her at the same time." Ne Anbu suddenly appeared, grabbed her, and Shunshined her to the podium. "For helping to bring back Tsunade of the Sannin, I choose her apprentice Shizune." Her face a mask of horror, she was too shocked to fight being escorted onto the stage. Tsunade, who was incapable of doing anything with the Fire Daimyo present, glared death at the boy. "For helping save Gaara from the Akatsuki, I choose his sister, Sabaku no Temari." Calmly walking onto the stage, she threw him a glare, before growling.

"You better sleep with one eye open, because if I don't kill you, my brother will."

"Don't worry Sasuke-chan, we'll have her properly fitted for the necessary slave collars." The Uchiha smirked, and nodded, before making his next choice.

"For helping avenge her husband, I'd like to request Kurenai Sarutobi, but I don't want any child that isn't mine bearing my clan name." Sasuke gave the Council his best smile, and of course they quickly agreed.

"Of course, of course." One said. "Young Sarutobi will be placed in the care of the orphange until such a time as his cousin is old enough to raise him, or in the care of a guardian should a suitable one come forward." Sasuke nodded.

"For saving the village against the Akatsuki leader Pain, I choose," And here, his smirk became almost evil in its deviousness. "Hinata Hyuuga." Both Neji and Hiashi had to be restrained.

"But Sasuke-san, the competing genes of the Byakugan and the Sharingan would not allow for the Sharingan to be transferred."

"I don't plan on her having my child." Sasuke informed the simpering man. "But I figured since the Dobe doesn't want his little fangirl, I'd take her for myself. She's developed a very nice body, and that should be entertaining for awhile." It was at this point that Naruto decided he was done waiting. Sure, he hadn't returned Hinata's feelings, mainly because he didn't think a guy like him deserved a princess like Hinata, but he'd be damned if he'd sit back and allow something like this to happen to her...or any of the others for that matter. "And finally, for defeating the rogue Uchiha, I think I'll pick Karin." Said girl, as she made her way onto the stage, glared heatedly at the boy who'd once almost killed her, just to sate his lust for vengeance. She hated him now more than she'd even thought it possible to hate someone.

"Well, there you have it." One of the Councilmen said. "Uchiha-sama's harem, and the women who will help restore glory to-" He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a certain blond haired man wearing an orange and black jumpsuit, and a thigh length, red cloak with black flames going across the bottom.

"What are you doing, dobe?" Sasuke growled. "Don't you dare try and ruin my moment." -of vengeance went unsaid, but Naruto could see it in his eyes.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Naruto said. "I'm actually here to congratulate you on your many accomplishments, and your exceptional taste in women." Despite the situation, a couple of the chosen girls actually blushed at the compliment. I mean really, Hinata was still head over heels for him, his chakra had definitely made him crush worthy to Karin, and his unique cuteness and exceptional control over wind appealed to Temari- and due to how much fear of her and her baby brother Suna citizens had, she didn't often get compliments on her looks.

"Hn, about time you recognized your betters." Naruto ignored that.

"There's just one thing." Naruto said. "I was a part of all of those battles, and I don't remember seeing you at any of them except the Sound Invasion and the Uchiha Attack. As a matter of fact, a lot of the witnesses to those battles don't remember you being at any but those two as well."

"Then they obviously weren't paying attention." Sasuke said condescendingly. "Of course I was there."

"Oh, I believe you." Naruto said, shocking many. "And I even know of a simple way to prove that you were there, and that you did indeed save the day everytime, Sasuke-sama."

"Oh, and how is that?"

"Why, with the arts of the shinobi." Naruto said. "Surely someone of your great power and prowess will have no trouble producing the proof we need, by performing the various techniques that won the day." Naruto turned to the crowd. "How about it, would you like to see Sasuke-sama's amazing techniques that saved all of our lives?" The sudden cheers from the crowd and the Council made the raven haired shinobi pale.

"Let's see, I remember in the battle against Gaara, you summoned Gamabunta, right." Naruto said. "So let's see it...summon the great Toad Boss for us Sasuke-sama. Or better yet, since you'll be using so many techniques in a short time, why don't you just summon a toad, any toad?"

"Dobe!" Sasuke growled.

"Oh that's right, I forgot." Naruto said. "You signed the snake contract when you became Orochimaru's cock sleeve, not the toad contract. And that wasn't even until you defected from the village for Orochimaru, so obviously you didn't beat Gaara. And that's not even considering the fact that you don't have anywhere near the amount of chakra now that was wasted in that fight on Kage Bunshin alone. Baachan?"

"Anbu, since Uchiha-san is incapable of producing Gamabunta, a toad summon, or a thousand+ Shadow Clones simultaneously, Miss Haruno is to be released this instant." Giving Naruto a thankful smile, and a quick hug, Sakura quickly left the stage. Smirking at Sasuke as he was, Naruto missed the very appraising eyes he was receiving from certain parties at the news; especially a certain blonde who was remembering the day she watched him do it. "Oh, and Naruto, you and I are going to talk about this daily thousand simulataneous Kage Bunshin training you've been getting up to lately."

"Actually it's almost two thousand now, but that's probably not helping me either-" Naruto trailed off at the glare Tsunade was giving him; she could be such a mother hen like Iruka sometimes. "Moving on, teme claims to have helped bring Tsunade-sama back. If I remember correctly, didn't Itachi Tsukiyomi you into a minor coma before we even found Tsunade, and she ended up being the one to wake you? Well, there is the chance that Gai-sensei and I could be mistaken, so let's test it. The terms of her return involved a bet involving her grandfather's famous necklace, and mastering the Yondaime's Rasengan. So let's see it, Sasuke, show us Shodai's necklace and the Rasengan. Wow us with the pretty blue swirly." In the crowd, Tenten blushed, having been the one to call it that originally. Naruto waited a few moments for Sasuke to attempt it. When he didn't, Naruto grinned. "No? I guess that means you don't get to indulge your naughty nurse fantasies after all."

"Thank you, Naruto." Shizune said, hugging him with a blush at his comment, before leaving the stage.

"Now, unfortunately, I don't have anything to help Temari in this situation. There wasn't any real major technique that saved the day here, and anything said about how you'd long since defected could be deemed circumstantial, especially since we'd gotten split up when we ran into Kisame and Itachi." Sasuke smirked, and leered at the Jounin.

"On the plus side though, she can't be apart of this as she's just Suna's liaison to the village, not a Konoha citizen. So unless Gaara approves of it, you've got about as much chance of taking Temari against her will, as I would getting away with telling the Hokage to bend her sexy ass over her desk, and take it like a champ."

Temari took great pleasure in the look of anger that crossed the Uchiha's face when she gave him the finger as she left the stage. The ominous KI that fell on him gave Naruto pause, and the chilling voice that followed nearly broke his stride.

"You better be glad I need you alive right now." Naruto chuckled nervously.

"Moving along, avenging the death of Asuma Sarutobi." Naruto said. "Now, which one do you claim to have killed?"

"What do you mean, I-"

"Please don't say you killed both, because Karin told us about your fight with Deidara, and he's a pushover compared to Hidan and Kakazu, especially the latter."

"It was Kakuzu." Sasuke said, remembering how Madara had told him that Kakuzu had been one of their strongest members after himself, Pain, and Itachi.

"Thought you might say that." Naruto said. "I would first like to point out that it was Hidan that actually killed Asuma, so your claim on that one is busted since Shikamaru dispatched that loony, but I digress. Now, from what I remember, and maybe some of the others can confirm this, but Kakuzu was defeated by an extremely powerful wind element version of the Rasengan, called the Rasenshuriken." Several confirmed nods later, Naruto continued. "Dazzle us, teme. Oh wait, I forgot, your elemental affinites are lightening and fire aren't they, not wind. Not to mention the fact that your inability to produce a simple Rasengan, and the fact that it's impossible to copy it, negates any chance you have of producing any kind of advanced version of it. Kurenai-sensei, you may step down."

It was about this time that Naruto turned to see the Civilian Council glaring at him. Each was redfaced, and looked to be apoplectic with rage. A glance at the Daimyo showed some annoyance at the festivities being interrupted, but also some curiosity at the proceedings. Deciding to wrap things up, he turned back to Sasuke.

"In the fight against Pain, the person that defeated him used a bodily enhancement called Gama Sennin Mode. It's where one draws in natural energy, and converts it into a form of battle power that can nearly rival the chakra of the biju. You'll be able to tell a Toad Sage by their golden horizontally slit pupils, and the red around their eyes." Naruto lectured. "Show us your Sage Mode, Sasuke. Oops, that's right, you can't. The only way to achieve Toad Sage Mode is to learn it from Fukasaku, a toad summon. Hinata, you may rejoin your family." Smiling gratefully, she quickly left the stage.

"Thank you, Naruto-kun."

Leaning into Sasuke, Naruto whispered. "By the way, Sasuke, just thought you should know that I'd have turned you into bloody chunks before I even entertained the thought of letting you touch Hinata in a way she didn't approve of. I don't like killing, but for her, I'd have gladly made an exception."

"You'll pay for this, Dobe." Sasuke whispered harshly.

"You keep telling yourself that, Sasuke." He bit back. "But we both know you can't beat me. But if you want to go again, that's fine with me. Just remember that next time, I won't have a promise to Sakura hanging over my head, and I most certainly won't be trying to save you from your own stupidity like last time. Your actions, and your intention to enslave these women as your clan's broodmares has shown me that Shikamaru was right. You weren't worth saving, and that you haven't changed at all like I had hoped. If we fight again, I will end you. Now, we both know who really attacked the village a week ago, but since you want to insist that it was Madara Uchiha, then I'll play along for now." Naruto then raised his voice to address everyone again.

"Finally, the defeat of the rogue Madara Uchiha marked the return of one of the most devastating techniques ever created. Can anyone who was at that battle tell me what it was?"

"I believe it was the Yondaime's war ender, the Hiraishin." Kakashi said, nose in his book.

"Correct." Naruto reached into his pouch, and withdrew a tri-pronged kunai, and threw it into the side of a building several yards away. "Come on, Flash us, Sasuke." Sasuke, knowing that he couldn't perform any of the techniques, especially the famed Hiraishin, began to lose it. Upon realizing that the Dobe had bested him again, and ruined his revenge, he snapped.

"I'll kill you!" Sasuke screamed, his eyes flashing straight to his Mangekyo, only for his eyes to roll up into his head from a chop to the neck, one that also damaged his spine, and left him completely and permanently immobile. He crumpled to the ground revealing the Hokage behind him.

"Anbu." Without another word, the Uchiha was again bound and restrained, though he didn't really need to be. "Naruto, this is your show now."

"Now, for all of you idiots who still haven't figured it the hell out, let me show you what you've been too stupid to see. The myths behind Sasuke's heroics are going to be tested. Now it's common knowledge amongst those close to me that I train with over a thousand Kage Bunshin on a regular basis, and upwards of two thousand in the last couple weeks, so I won't bother with that." Naruto leapt off the stage, and marched down the street. Once he was a safe distance away, he bit his thumb, and slammed his hand into the ground. In a massive puff of smoke a giant toad appeared.

"Hey Gaki, what am I doing in the middle of Konoha?" Gamabunta said, blowing smoke. "I told you I didn't like being summoned for mundane things."

"Actually, I was wanting to ask if you got that care package I sent you, now I think about it?" Naruto said. "If there's two areas where Kichi can be a bit unreliable, it's with candy and sake."

"I got your package, Naruto, don't worry." Naruto grinned.

"Good, then I'll see you later to share a drink with you, I'll probably need it." The giant toad nodded, before dispelling. Naruto made his way back to the shocked crowd, before calling out. "Sand Invasion Myth...busted."

Hopping back on stage, Naruto turned to face the crowd, before unzipping his jacket, revealing the Shodai's necklace. He then held out his hand palm up, and began channeling chakra. It wasn't long before he had a ball of swirling chakra in his hand. "The Myth of Tsunade Retrieval...busted."

"Ooh, look at the pretty blue swirly." Tenten called from the audience, resulting in a few snickers.

Using the already stablized Rasengan that was in his hand, Naruto began adding his wind element to it, watching as the jutsu grew in size and power; a soft pitched whine accompanying it that grew in volume as the jutsu grew in strength. By the time the four shuriken points were visible, the jutsu was screaming with power in his hand.

As the screech of Naruto's jutsu echoed throughout the area, Kiba found himself violently assaulted by the pheromones of several dozen kunoichi. The reason, there wasn't a single pair of dry, kunoichi panties to be found for at least fifty meters. Ha, he'd told Shino that jutsu made kunoichi wet, now he had proof. Given the potency of a few of the scents, at least three kunoichi- whom were very gifted chakra sensors, not that Kiba knew- had full on creamed themselves.

"Rasenshuriken," Naruto said as he carefully shut it down. It wouldn't do to have it destabalize, and take out the entire crowd in a huge dome of slicing chakra.

'Rasenshurken my ass,' Tenten thought with a groan. '-more like the panty soaking bluish-white swirly.'

"Myth of Sasuke avenging Asuma's death...busted." He called. "Daimyo-sama, have you ever seen Jiraiya using his Sage Techniques?"

"Once, a long time ago." He replied, remembering that assassination attempt he'd been saved from when he'd still been just an heir. Of course, that had been because his father was well into his seventies before he'd even considered retirement.

Concentrating, Naruto began to draw in natural energy until he had enough for the transformation. Once he'd done that, he drew a pair of kunai. One he tossed into the ground where he was, and the other he tossed into the ground between the older man's feet. In a flash of orange, red, and gold, Naruto appeared in front of the Daimyo kneeling. Raising his eyes to meet those of the country's leader, the Daimyo let out a gasp at the horizontal bar in gold irises, and eyes ringed with red. Receiving a nod of acceptance, he grabbed his kunai, and flashed back to the other, before bending and picking it up.

"Both the myths claiming Uchiha's helpful involvement in the Akatsuki attack and the rogue Uchiha attack...busted." Naruto said, frowning. "And in case you haven't figured it out yet, Sasuke is the Uchiha who attacked the village last week, not Madara."

The Daimyo stood from his seat.

"In light of all that has been revealed, I believe that Naruto Uzumaki-kun should be awarded all that Uchiha was to be given this day." The cheers from the crowd left a sour feeling in Naruto's stomach.

"No, I can't." Naruto said. "If I were to become Hokage, I'd want it to be because I earned the position, and the Jounin felt I deserved it; not because I did what everyone else should have done, and finally called that bastard on his bullshit. As for the harem...I'm probably going to be labeled an idiot, but I'm going to pass on that too. As beautiful as all of the women teme chose are, I couldn't live with myself if I forced them into doing the very thing that I just technically saved them from."

"I can't fault your logic in this." Tsunade said. "But I'm pretty sure that at least half of the girls involved are much less bothered by being in a harem with you, and I know for a fact that at least two of them wouldn't consider themselves forced at all." Hinata and Karin could both agree with that sentiment.

"I guess you could be right about Hinata, and maybe Karin," Naruto shrugged. "-but I seriously doubt the others are even close to being interested. Besides, it doesn't matter because I've already signed the political marriage documents Kiri delivered for me, and left them on the your desk."

"What the hell did you do that for?!" Tsunade growled.

"It's like I said before. If these people are so crazy as to readily accept a traitor with open arms, and forget about all the people who have sacrificed blood, sweat, tears, and even their lives for them, all for the sake of a bloodline, then it's just not worth it anymore. I've only ever heard of one Uchiha who actually cared about the village the way a shinobi should, who was willing to sacrifice everything for it, and these people just spit on everything Itachi sacrificed to protect them by welcoming Sasuke back after what he did. I signed those documents because I can't live with the feeling that everything we do is for nothing, but I still love the village too much to just walk away. I figured the least I could do is get Konoha another ally out of it."

"Whoa, wait a second, freeze blondie." Temari called. "Sorry, but that hussy is not about to monopolize the chakra battery with the panty soaking jutsu!" Naruto looked at Tsunade in confusion.

"I believe she's referring to your Rasenshuriken, and unfortunately, it does seem to have that effect on kunoichi." Naruto blushed when he heard the woman mutter '-even me'. Temari continued as if she hadn't been interrupted.

"We just saw him perform a boss summon, a chakra intensive A rank jutsu, and its S rank equivalent. I think that more than proves he has the stamina to handle several women on his own. And if that's not enough, between his own reserves, the Kyuubi's chakra which he now completely controls, and his Sage Mode, I'm willing to bet he can create enough clones to gangbang every woman in this village into blissful unconsciousness. I don't know about the rest of the girls involved in this fiasco, but I'm not going to relinquish you to the hands of that...woman, without a fight."

"What are you saying?" Naruto asked, gulping.

"If you're leaving Konoha, then you're coming home with me to Suna." The Sand Jounin said, crossing her arms. "Unlike Uchiha, Gaara would definitely approve of you, and love having his best friend around."

"Like hell he is." Karin piped up. Had she not gone through the extremely stressful paperwork dealing with joining a village as a defecting ninja, in triplicate, she'd have asked to tag along, but since she had...screw that. "He's not leaving Konoha if I've got anything to say about it. The Uzumaki Clan was allied with Konoha, so if you want him, then you can transfer here."

"While she may get on my nerves sometimes, Karin has a point." Sakura added, stepping up to the redhead's side. She wasn't about to lose her best friend- besides Ino- if she could help it. "You're not taking Naruto-kun from us, right Hinata?"

"H-hai." She said, blushing. Her mind was still trying to come to terms with the comment about the clones and gangbangs, and stay conscious at the same time.

"I'm pretty sure I speak for both Kurenai and myselt when I say I'm not sure how I feel about the whole harem thing," Shizune said. "But you belong in Konoha Naruto. You were born here, your legend started here, and the amazing legacy you're sure to leave behind has been forged here. You are the will of fire that the previous Hokage have all taught us about, and the village just wouldn't be the same without you."

"It would seem, Uzumaki-kun, that your potential harem is not giving you a choice in the matter." The Daimyo said amused. "I suggest you just do what they say. It'll be easier in the long run."

"Spoken like a married man." Tsunade quipped.

"Happily for over thirty years now." Tsunade then looked over to Naruto.

"Besides gaki, I've already named you my successor, and I'm not about to wait another four years for Konohamaru to learn the job so I can retire. Sorry, but you're not allowed to leave."

"Meh, as ambassador, I spend enough time here anyway, so if that marriage obsessed old hag wants you, then she can move here too." Turning to Temari, Naruto bashfully asked.

"Are you sure?" Temari couldn't help but find the action cute. "I mean, my sensei may have all been unrepentant perverts- well, except for Iruka-sensei- but none of them ever taught me anything like that, and I'm still a virgin, so I don't really know what I'm doing.

"Aww, he's worried about being able to please us." Karin said, smiling at the thought of getting to help break in a virgin. "That's so cute."

"It would seem that we've also got some self-esteem issues to...work...out of him as well." Naruto's face turned red at the two predatory looks directed at him.

"Well, now we know that at the very least, your harem is numbered at two." Tsunade joked, before leaning over and whispering in Naruto's ear. "Oh, and any more cracks about bending me over my desk, and I'll break it with your skull." In her mind she added. 'I might even make you do it before I bash your skull.'

"Hey, since Kurenai and Shizune are backing out, can I take one of their places?" Tenten asked. Ino quickly volunteered for the other, as she refused to lose to Sakura.

"What do you want to bet he won't be a virgin any longer come morning?" Shizune whispered to Kurenai.

"It's pretty much a guarantee, save for divine intervention," The red eyed Jounin replied. "And I'm willing to wager they'll still be in bed this time tomorrow."

"Man, some people have all the luck." Kiba grumbled.

8888888888888888

Silly Drabble 46

Several years ago, shortly after the defeat of Akatsuki, Naruto and Sasuke had their epic final clash in of all places Wave Country. Ironically enough, the end to the fight was somewhat anti-climactic. Naruto used his new and improved Oiroke no Jutsu (Hinata had modeled for this one) to distract him, and hit him with a Fuuton Rasengan. Sasuke fell over the bridge they'd been fighting on, and into the angry waves below.

Fastforward five years...a mysterious young woman had comes to Konoha in the midst of the celebration of Rokudaime candidate Naruto Uzumaki, and his new wife Hinata Uzumaki celebrating their matrimony. The odd thing about this young woman, is that she is an Uchiha with an activated Sharingan. Another odd thing is that she insists on becoming Naruto's wife, regardless of the fact that he's already married. The final thing, is that the young woman, whose disturbingly beautiful, seems extremely familar to Naruto.

Naruto glared at the image of the young woman in jiji's crystal ball. While the village was in an uproar over the woman who'd just come to Konoha not long before. Naruto didn't know why, but for some reason, he got an uneasy feeling from this Saki Uchiha. For some reason that he couldn't place, he knew recognize her, but for the life of him, he couldn't say from where. Not only that, but the way she'd just waltzed in as if she owned the place- another thing that was ringing alarm bells- and declared that she was to his wife had certainly rubbed him wrong. That the villagers and certain members of the Council thought this was a superb idea had Naruto tempted to give Konohamaru the hat, and tell them all where they could stick that idea. Thankfully Tsunade had vetoed the idea.

Regardless of the fact that she was a bloodline carrying Uchiha, it was wrong, so there would be no wedding between Naruto Uzumaki and Saki Uchiha. Unfortunately, the woman wasn't taking no for an answer, and decided to take things into her own hands. One night, she kidnapped Hinata while she was on her way home, tied her up, and then took her back to the Uzumakis' home. When a somewhat fatigued Naruto arrived home that evening, he opened the door, and ran straight into a Mangekyo Sharingan induced sleep Genjutsu. Normally it wouldn't have worked, but he was mentally exhausted, she caught him off guard...plus she was already naked.

Naruto awoke to find himself tied to a bed in only his undies, the naked Uchiha straddling him, and grinding into the increasingly wettening crotch of his undies. Smirking down into his face, she said.

"I do, Dobe." She then grabbed him by the face, and kissed him heartily.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock when he realized who Saki Uchiha really was. That was why she seemed so familiar. Regardless of the fact that Sasuke was now and admittedly sexy woman, the arrogance, the self-serving attitude, and many other mannerisms were still the same. Sure, being performed by a woman threw them off just a bit, but he should have realized who that was all along. Straddling his knees, Sasuke waved a kunai, before cutting his boxer off, and grinning down at his crotch. Just from the look in her eyes, Naruto could tell she enjoying tormenting them.

She threw a smug look over at the tied up former Hyuuga. "This is going to be my ultimate revenge. Making your husband impregnate me, now that you both know who I really am...or used to be, is like a rush you can't imagine."

"Mmm, mmn mmph." Hinata spat through the gag, glaring at Sasuke. The Uchiha beauty ignored her in favor of lining Naruto's huge rod up with her entrance, and sinking down on to him, letting out a loud groan as she did so.

"MMMNNNPH!" Hinata tried to yell angrily.

"Mmn, you really are a lucky girl, hime," The woman purred as she lowered herself, struggling to take more of Naruto. "I don't think I've ever had one this big."

After taking a moment to get settled, and another angry growl of possible vulgarity tried to come throught Hinata's gag, the woman who used to be Sasuke Uchiha stared at Naruto, and began rocking her hips. "Would you like to know how it was that I got this far?" She teased. "Well then, I'll tell you. After you hit me with that Rasengan, I used what little chakra I could afford to Shunshin away from just under the surface of the water. After I got on land, I realized that no matter what happened, I couldn't find help looking the way I did, so I decided to use that little Henge of yours that I'd just copied. After all, it was a very pleasing sight, and someone would always be around to take care of an injured woman. Funny thing, it took me awhile to realize that your Oiroke was no mere Henge, and I was rather surprised when I got here and learned that the majority of its figure proportions were based on Hinata-chan; although those long legs are unmistakable Karin's.

Anyway, it took me several months to heal from that attack, and by the time I did, I couldn't return to normal. I was furious, and wanted revenge for the insult. First you defeat me, then because of your stupid jutsu, I was stuck as a woman. But soon, the ultimate plan for vengeance started to come to me. I noticed that I was getting several very interested looks from the men around the town, and realized that I could use my new form to my advantage.

That's when my plan started to really develop. If I were to seduce you, marry you and have your child, then reveal my true self to you after, well, the look of utter devastation on your face would be worth everything. Plus I'd get a powerful Sharingan child out of the deal. It was even mostly full proof, because the Dobe could never get female attention when he was younger, and I doubted things had changed. You were always chasing Sakura, and everyone knew that she was still hung up on me, even after everything that I'd done, and even though I was dead. I was also pretty sure that even if the little Hyuuga was still in love with you, she'd never gain the courage to tell you. I'll admit I was wrong in my assumptions, but that doesn't matter now.

Anyway, I finally figured out how to get revenge on you, and revive my clan at the same time. The only problem was, I didn't know how to do what I wanted to do. Not only did I need to learn how to properly seduce a man- although I did notice that just getting naked and saying you wanted to fuck seemed to work with most men, I knew a shinobi, even one as moronic as you would be suspicious- but I needed to learn how to be a woman as well. I found a nearby brothel in the next town, and applied for a job. Luckily, the matron there was a former kunoichi, and I was able to explain that some perverted bastard had used a jutsu to force me into my current position, and that I needed to learn how to be a woman to get them back for it.

I must say, you have a very nice body, Lady Hyuuga. When I was introduced, all the other ladies at the establishment were simply gaga over it, and how I got so curvy yet kept so fit. I found myself rather pleased with it once I got used to the idea of being a woman; and I do believe that all the men that I fucked at that brothel while learning the best ways to seduce Naruto rather enjoyed it too.

Mistress Talon took me under her wing, and taught me how to be a woman and a true kunoichi seductress, and it wasn't long before I was one of the top girls there; I was the most sought, second only to the Mistress herself. When I was ready, I came back to Konoha, and was prepared to finally seduce you for all your pathetic virgin ass was worth. I was going to give you every pleasure you could dream of, and make you fall completely and wholly in love with me, before tearing your heart out, but lo and behold, I met with failure almost immediately. Not only were you obviously not the same little outcast Dobe I'd remembered, you were a married man.

I hadn't planned on revealing my Sharingan, but after finding out that I'd been wrong about the little Hyuuga, well, I had to revise my plan a little. I knew that no matter how much a man you were, how many perverted sensei you had, nor how good of a seduction artist I'd become, there was no way that you would willingly cheat on Hinata. So I tried using the Council, the laws, and their obsession with my bloodline to get what I wanted.

It was a bitch trying to explain how I'd survived the massacre, but I explained that I'd been on a mission that had gone wrong, and had been assumed KIA. I told them I was on my way home when I got news of the massacre, and I was afraid that if Itachi found out about me, I would be hunted down, and killed. All it took was a little sob story about how I just wished I could have been there for little Sasuke-kun growing up, so that maybe he wouldn't have turned out the way he had, and they ate it all up. But even that fell through because of that huge breasted Hokage.

After realizing that I was about to fail completely, I decided that some drastic measures had to be taken. If I couldn't capture your heart and destroy it, then I'd just traumatize you by telling you who I was, making you feel pleasure that you could only imagine, making your wife watch as I brought you off over and over and over again, and finally by getting pregnant by you right here in your marriage bed." Sasuke leaned down and kissed Naruto again. "Even though kissing you through a gag isn't as nice as the real thing would be, I can't risk you making too much noise."

"Mmph, mmp." Sasuke gave a smirk when Naruto looked out the window, then at the bedroom door expectantly.

"There's no way out of this." Sasuke said. "I sent Sakura a note that you were going to have to take a raincheck on that dinner date with her and Lee. I told them that Hinata had gotten all hot and bothered while you were getting ready, and that you were going to stay in to start working on an heir. Sadly, I never told her whose heir you'd be working on, one shouldn't assume, you know."

Turning to the woman tied up and propped against the wall, he smirked. "Don't be too bothered. I'm not planning to try and take your husband from you, Uzumaki-chan, I only plan to enjoy him for the night. I know the Dobe is potent enough that it only takes one time, but I want to make absolutely sure. Besides, after seeing that glowing smile on your face, I think I want to enjoy this as much as I can. And before you ask, no, I'm not gay, I'm just willing to do whatever it takes for the sake of revenge; you should know that by now Dobe."

"Mmph!" Naruto grunted.

"Can you see it, Dobe?" Sasuke said leaning back, and giving Naruto a clear view of where they were connected. "Can you see my tight, wet pussy sliding up and down your big, fat cock. Get ready, Dobe, because now that I've adjusted to your size, I'm going to ride you, and milk you for everything you've got."

888

Early the next morning, just as dawn was breaking over the Hokage monument, the raven haired intruder to the Uzumaki home groaned one last time as she was filled with another huge, thick, potent flood of Naruto baby batter. After recovering from her own most recent peak, she climbed off her lover, and standing on shakey legs, the beauty addressed the man she had just spent the night with.

"You really do have insane stamina." She teased leaning over Naruto, so that her breasts dangled in his face. "Kami I'm so full right now, I wouldn't be surprised if I have three or four eggs fertilized. Thanks for the gift, Dobe." Sasuke spat, before ripping off the gag, kissing Naruto hard, and disappearing via Shunshin without even bothering to dress.

888888

Sakura looked up from the purple covered Icha book in her hands.

"And you're Kazuko and Sasuke is Haruka?" Sakura asked, to which Naruto nodded. "It's a good story, and admittedly very hot, but given just how far we both know Sasuke is willing to go for vengeance, it's also kind of creepy."

"I know, and it was an even creepier nightmare to have, but Hinata said that writing it down, and coming to terms with it would help me deal with it." Naruto said. "Still, this is something I've worried about in the past.

"Oh?" Sakura questioned teasingly.

Naruto blushed. "Not particularly like that, but Sasuke coming after me while I sleep in general. That's why I've put seals all over my home, especially at entryways, that prevents anyone with a Sharingan from entering."

"See, this is why both Hinata and I told you not to eat that barbeque ramen before bed." Sakura said with a groan. "Something in that mix of ingredients does weird things to your subconscious. I'd have liked to think you'd learned your lesson after that dream you had about getting drunk and knocked up by Kiba in your Oiroke form."

Ironically enough, had Naruto not awaken from the nightmare, and saw it through to the end, he'd have found that Sasuke died in childbirth due to numerous complications. The most obvious one being that just because his body worked like a woman's due to Naruto's jutsu, didn't mean that it was supposed to. Sakura and Lee would end up raising the young Uchiha.

8888888888888888

Mistakes of the oops sort

Imagine a world where the shinobi of the village saw Naruto the way the Yondaime wanted him to be seen. Naruto was smarter, had taken very well to his Uzumaki heritage, and he and Sasuke had a plan. You see, after Sasuke had gotten the Curse Mark, and Naruto had found out about it, as well as what Orochimaru had boasted, he had sat down and thought about things. With him being trained by Jiraiya, and Orochimaru so interested in Sasuke, if he could get Sakura trained by Tsunade, they'd be like, the most awesome team ever.

When Sasuke defected, he told Sasuke what he'd been thinking during their fight. The clinching argument, "Think about it Sasuke, if we're all trained by the Sannin, and we all three go after Itachi, that'll make killing him that much easier."

"I don't need anyone to help." Sasuke growled. "I want to kill Itachi alone."

"That's fine, but you'll still need someone with you to keep that big blue tag-along busy while you take on Itachi." Sasuke had looked shocked for a moment, before finally acknowledging the point.

"Get stronger Dobe, and make sure that Sakura gets strong enough to actually be more useful than she is now." He spat. "When I get back, Itachi is going to die."

"See you then, teme." Naruto said. "And be careful. That Orochimaru guy gives me the creepy pedophile vibe."

Three years later...

...when Sasuke left Hidden Sound, it was under similar circumstances to canon, only he'd gone to tell Orochimaru that he was leaving, and he doesn't absorb Orochimaru, just injures him. Upon his return, the elders and Hokage were shocked at the plan Naruto and Sasuke had employed, and even moreso at who Sasuke had brought back with him. With Karin and Juugo in tow, they had tons of valuable intel on Orochimaru. Not only that, but being the progenitor of the Curse Seal, as well as allowing Tsunade to study his DNA, Naruto and Jiraiya were able to take that information, and come up with an effective cure for the Curse Seal.

Anko was so ecstatic she kidnapped Naruto, and made him a man. While Jiraiya wold have certainly been a more satifying sexual experience due to his experience- and his lecherous ways belied an immense sexual talent as Tsunade was well aware- he was old, and she didn't do old men. Besides, she'd gotten to break in a virgin Jinchuuriki, and teach him all about the wonders of naked cuddling.

Jiraiya bringing Juugo along when he'd taken Naruto for Sage training had cured the random homicidal urges that used to popped up. Juugo had become much more personable, and ended up finding companionship with another victim of Orochimaru's experiments, Isaribi. Naruto had been a bit too enthusiastic about playing the overprotective big brother role for his friend, but thankfully didn't scare the kind young man off. It didn't hurt that he and Naruto were already good friends- having bonded over sinister subconscious issues that caused them to sometimes go nuts. It did help that Naruto had told him from the off that he had to do it much as he regretted it, and that he didn't go to crazy with the routine.

Shortly after that, they hunt for Itachi, and the rest of Akatsuki began. After dealing with Itachi, learning some rather interesting things, and Sasuke gaining the Eternal Mangekyo, a new force was formed. Team Kakashi (which now consisted of Yamato, Kakashi, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura), led by Jiraiya began a campaign of searching out, and laying the bitchslap down on the members of Akatsuki. Between Sasuke's new eyes, Naruto's Sageness and making the Kyuubi his bitch, as well as the imput from the others, it wasn't long before Akatsuki was down to two members: the leader and his partner.

A trip to Amegakure to deal with them turned out to be a rather interesting reunion: both family and apprenticewise. After defeating the six paths of Pein, they headed to the tower to confront the person behind the madness. In an odd twist, an uber application of Therapy no Jutsu had Nagato apologizing for going crazy, and everyone being friends. This was when Sasuke first decided that Naruto's ability to make enemies into friends was a kekkei genkai. Naruto frowned at the insinuation, but the fact that no one else disagreed- especially once they considered the evidence- turned his frown into a pout.

As the group from Konoha headed out, Naruto promised to keep in touch with his cousin; and with the new projection jutsu he'd learned this would be a cinch. In an odd twist, Naruto learned that Nagato and Konan had formed a relationship, Nagato was going to be a father, and it was all thanks to Naruto. Between the Eternal Mangekyo, Nagato's Rinnegan and Yin-Yang Release, Naruto's Uzumaki fuinjutsu, and a double dose of Uzumaki 'you know what, I don't even want to know how you made that work' by way of Naruto and Nagato, they'd managed to remove all of the rods from his body, and mostly return his body to how he was before Yahiko was killed. Good eating and general health habits, as well as avoiding summoning Gedou Mazou meant he was back to normal now.

Defeating Akatsuki had taken less than a year to complete, especially since Tobi contracted an especially virulent case of Syphillis from a restaurant bathroom. Why that suspicious white fluid had been on the floor was a mystery. How he'd gotten a small cut on his hand in the fall was an even bigger mystery. What wasn't a mystery, was that he'd slipped, and fell on the floor, and when he caught himself, his hand fell in what he hoped wasn't what he thought it was on the floor. Given how two of the restaurant employees had been seen exiting the bathroom rearranging their clothing just moments before he'd arrived, it's safe to say it was.

Fortunately, Tobi was the only victim, as five minutes after he left, the health inspector took one look at filthy the bathroom, and had the place shut down. The building was demolished three days later.

Another year later...

...as Naruto stared into the mirror, he just knew this meeting was going to end badly. He'd sent Gamatama with a message for Tsunade that he needed to meet her and his teammates at noon. He could just imagine the reactions he was going to receive.

Tsunade and Sakura were going to yell and hit him, the latter of which would go on to harp about it for another week at least, especially since he was hotter than her now; and this had been confirmed by several sources. Shizune would give him that gut-checking, disappointed look, while Kakashi would make a few perverted comments, and do the same, but for far more perverted reasons. Sai would undoubtedly use this as an excuse to validate, and make further comments about his lack of a penis. But Sasuke would be the worst. Sasuke would tease him about it, and he wouldn't ever let this go...not after all the teasing about the giant assbow Naruto had dished out when Sasuke had returned two years previous.

As soon as Naruto entered the office of the Hokage, she growled at him.

"I've got a lot of paperwork, gaki, so what's so important?" She then took in his appearance. "And while I'm glad you're wearing clothes this time, why are you wearing that jutsu?"

"I fucked up, and now I'm technically a grl." Naruto said with a growl. "My sexual preferences have not changed, Sasuke, so no I will not help you rebuild your clan, even if I had the proper equipment to do so, which I don't." Sasuke just glared. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. While he'd admit that Naruto made a very attractive woman, the Dobe wasn't his type.

"So wait, you-" Naruto noticed the man sounded disappointed.

"Yes Kakashi, I have a penis, deal with it."

"I don't have a problem with it or you per se," Kakashi clarified. "I just don't know whether to call you my cute little munchkin shinobi or my sweet, adorable little kunoichi when I tease you now, and it's confusing." Naruto shook his head, as Kakashi thought. 'Although I could just call him my cute little futa. Though that would certainly bug the hell out of him, and I'm not sure I want to deal with the retaliation from that.'

"So this is kind of like those futanari girls in ero-manga." Sai queried.

"Sort of, but unlike the ones in the perverted manga, I'm not a true futa." Naruto answered. "I don't have both parts, just the boys."

"Naruto, how did this happen?" Tsunade asked. "When did this happen?"

"When, about a week ago." Naruto admitted.

"So you haven't been performing a social experiment like you told me." Sakura said, earning him a glare. "You've been stuck like that, and trying to hide it."

"Pretty much. As for how this happened, that story is a little more involved."

"Explain, now." Tsunade ordered.

"Well, since I had my growth spurt, I noticed that the proportions of my Oiroke were a little off."

"You're still using that?" Sakura growled.

"Actually, you'd be surprised how effective it is as a distraction." Tsunade muttered, remembering the report Jiraiya had given her.

"Anyway, I was experimenting, trying to make the bust a little bigger, somewhere just a bit under Temari's size. Thing is, the only part of my body I was changing was the upper body, and apparently my jutsu wasn't meant to be only half-performed. When I finally got the size and proportion that I was gunning for, I realized I couldn't change back. I think this is what jiji was talking about when he said that kids shouldn't be creating jutsu, because they didn't fully understand how they worked."

"Y'think?" Tsunade griped. Naruto gave her an annoyed frown, but with his current features, it came out as more of a cute pout, something which caused Tsunade to smirk, as he looked quite a bit like his mother now- only with much shorter, messy blonde hair, and whisker marks.

"Anyway, after I realized that I couldn't turn back, I thought about just doing the full change." Naruto said. "But then I thought that if I do the bottom the same way as the top, then it would get stuck too. Thank Kami I actually took the time to think about it, because I realized that I was too used to my boy parts to try and learn how to use girl parts, and the fact that I still liked girls also played a small part. The biggie though, was that I was afraid of dealing with women problems, and the near disaster that could cause."

"Oh, so certain biological functions scared the big bad Jinchuuriki?" Sakura teased.

"In a sense." Naruto admitted. "I'll admit that the possibility of bleeding from my crotch for several days a month was less than appealing, but it was the hormones and emotions that made me not do it. I didn't want to take the chance that the Kyuubi would take advantage of my emotional state; especially after seeing how angry Sakura, Ayame, and sometimes even Hinata get."

"And after living through the horror that was your mother, especially during that time, you have my eternal gratitude, Naruto." Kakashi said, his voice deadly serious. Minato and Hashirama would both agree that facing down the Kyuubi was very much preferable to facing their wifes when they were menstruating.

"So you're walking around with a girl's top and a boys bottom?" Sakura asked, incredulously.

"No, in the end, I changed my lower half too, but I kept my equipment, and my plumbing." Naruto explained. "I had to do a lot of reading on anatomy to get it right, but I'm essentially a woman with a man's reproductive system." He paused a moment, before thinking out loud. "Though given what I've learned, and now that I think about it, it wouldn't be too hard to make oneself a true futanari with all parts capable of functioning."

"Oh really?" Tsunade asked.

"Yeah, especially if you're starting from a female system." Naruto said. "Most of the significant changes will be external, since all you're doing is trading the urethra and clitoris for a penis. After that, it's just a matter of adding and connecting the different glands and structures that deal with semen and sperm creation and storage, and boom, complete futanari. Only real problem I see, is finding the space inside for all of it- especially during pregnancy- and the serious hormonal imbalance you'd have to deal with."

Tsunade and Sakura, who happened to be well versed in the medical arts, could only stare in shock at how easy- yet not- plausible, and disturbingly possible the whole process actually was. Kakashi and Sai were merely fixing him with curious stares, the former wondering how Naruto knew this. Sasuke...he was giving Naruto a very calculated look. If what his teammate was saying was true, then it gave him another idea in solving the issue regarding the rebuilding of his clan. He knew there was a syaing that involved eating cake that would fit here, but he was too busy thinking of the possibilities to really bother with that.

"So, are you horny?" Sai asked, gaining looks of shock, incredulity, annoyance, and anger from the others present. "It's a valid question. From my research, futanari tend to be perpetually aroused nearly all the time over the simplest of things, and can release between 1000 to 2000 mL of fluid in a single ejaculation." Naruto groaned.

"I hate to say it, baachan, but the socially retarded ghost makes a point. I have noticed that I seem to be getting reactions for seemingly no reason at all; and being around Sakura, Shizune, and even you right now has me wanting to blow a B-rank paycheck at a brothel. I can only imagine how bad it'll be around other girls that I found attractive beforehand, like Anko-san or Kurenai-sensei." Naruto decided to leave out the fact that Hinata's amazing figure gave him severe reactions, as perverted comments and actions regarding her seemed to garner excessively severe anti-perv reactions from other women.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that, Naruto." Tsunade said, smirking. "You certainly aren't the first person to find the three of us sexually attractive, though I'll admit it is nice to know I can still induce reactions in younger men. Not to mention, it's probably just your teenage hormones finally kicking in with a vengeance, and we're the three females you spend the most time with. Kami knows you're a late bloomer of the worst kind. Having the Kyuubi sealed into you probably isn't helping any either."

"Well, there's one thing to look forward to." Kakashi said. "While it's much harder for them to attain physical strength and increase their chakra reserves- although given your already huge reserves, that shouldn't be an issue- kunoichi naturally have much greater chakra control. If your jutsu is as unintentionally thorough as I think it is, then your chakra control should increase."

"While that's true Kakashi, his chakra control isn't going to suddenly change just because his gender did." Tsunade said. "While admittedly easier, it still takes training and practice to obtain the chakra control we have."

"Naruto, create a Bunshin." Kakashi said. "It's the best test I can think of. Your vast reserves and the shinobi arts lacking in a good enough control exercise for you made it impossible for you to do so before. This will tell us if your control has increased or not." Shrugging, Tsunade motioned for Naruto to do so, and they were all surprised when nearly two dozen appeared.

"I guess that answers that question." Kakashi said, just a tad smugly.

"I don't see why I'm so surprised." Tsunade said. "Only you could spit in the face of everything that shinobi have learned about chakra with so little effort. I mean, considering you do stuff like this all the time as if it was normal."

"Yeah, but it's still not an automatic thing." Naruto admitted, vowing to put a hundred clones a piece on both tree climbing and water walking. "I was only trying to make one."

"Whatever, we still need to find out what this medically means for you." Tsunade said. "I want you at the hospital in a week to run some tests...and as much as I hate to say this, Kakashi and Sai, I need you to meet us there and bring everything you have on futanari. Now everyone get out of here, I need a drink to help me come to terms with Naruto being like my deformed, lesbian daughter instead of my son."

"Uh, before we go, I have two questions." Tsunade nodded for Sasuke to continue. "If you ended up like that because of your transformation, how come you couldn't just use another one to turn back?"

"I'm not really sure on the details, but I think it has something to do with some kind of Anime/Manga Law of Inverse Transformations."

"Come again?" Tsunade said.

"Oh, is that the one that says that regardless of how logical the idea seems, it is impossible to reverse a permanent genderbending with the same technique, spell, ability, etc.?" Sai asked.

"That's the one."

"And this means."

"Basically since I used a partial Oiroke transformation to end up like this, I can't use it to turn back to normal."

"Okay, whatever." Sasuke said, filing that information away. "My second question, while completely random and having nothing to do with the current conversation, is still relevant. I'd like to know if anyone else finds it odd that the shinobi with the highest Bingo Book rank on our team is the one with the lowest shinobi rank?"

While none of them had ever really questioned it until then, and they'd all pretty much grown to accept the fact, they had to admit that Sasuke had a point. After gaining his new Mangekyo, Sasuke had been labeled an S-class Jounin, while Kakashi wa a high A Class, Bingo Book Jounin. Sakura and Sai were both Chuunin of high B, low A Class in the same books. Then there was Naruto, the only S+ Class ninja on their team, and one of only three in the known world, yet he was still a Genin.

"Heh, you make an interesting point." Kakashi said. "And it's even more insane that his S+ ranking doesn't even include the fact that he's a Jinchuuriki."

8888

Early afternoon a week later, Naruto joined Tsunade, Kakashi, and Sai to test just how many of the futanari cliches mentioned by Kakashi and Sai's ero-books he really fell into. What really annoyed Naruto was that he actually had to be tested for these things, because technically he was not a futa, not having both male and female reproductive systems even if he knew how to do it in theory. What made this even worse, was that this was all coming on the heels of a battery of tests administered by Shizune and Sakura to find out just how much of a woman he actually was.

"You know, I'm not sure which freaks me out more." Naruto started, glancing down at one of the books; specifically a page containing a very well endowed woman literally covering another woman in happy juice. "That I actually have to be tested for the crap in these books, or the fact that Kakashi-sensei, and Sai especially, have so much dickgirl porn. Although it would explain Sai's penis obsession, and his comments. Not many guys can compare to the girls in these books."

"Well, let's get started, shall we?" Tsunade said. "Yesterday you mentioned an increased libido, have you noticed any increase in that since then?"

"No, not really." Naruto said. "Aside from the fact that I'm actually responding to your cleavage, I don't really feel any different."

"So there's no real way to test an increased libido," Tsunade said, making notes, and ignoring the mention of the skin her top showed. "Well, you don't exhibit the uncontrollable lust these books talk about, so I don't think that is going to be a problem. As for why you're starting to respond to me now, it could be any number of things."

"Like what?" Naruto asked.

"Well, you were Jiraiya's apprentice, and already had a connection to animalistic instincts from the Kyuubi, similar to the Inuzuka." Tsunade lectured. "It's a common trait amongst Jinchuuriki. Just be glad you're not a female, or you might have had to deal with going in heat." Looking up at the young woman in front of her, Tsunade gave a frustrated sigh. "On second thought, I'll put a note in your file to keep an eye on that possibility."

"The next noninvasive cliche that we can test is your size." Tsunade said. "Kakashi, Sai, please step out of the room, Naruto, Take off the shorts."

Naruto did as he was told, but couldn't help comment. "Um, how come you kicked them out, but didn't kick Shizune out too?"

"Because she's a medical professional, and I didn't think you'd want them to see you bared." Tsunade explained, forgetting that while he mostly had the body of a woman, he was still a male mentally.

Naruto let loose a careless shrug. "I've seen all of my teammates naked, and they've seen me the same way both as a boy and girl."

"Right then, let's just get this over with before we call those two futa perverts back in." Tsunade said. "While not as freakishly huge as some of the girls in these books, you're still pretty damn big by normal standards, so I'd say this one is a positive."

"Um, actually, it was that size before I changed." Naruto said.

"Are you serious?" Shizune asked, blushing.

"Shizune, stop staring at Naruto's penis, and go get those other two perverts." Tsunade ordered. "Okay, now that those are out of the way, it's time to do the more invasive tests. Now, these next two we can test at the same time."

"Um, what are the next two?" Naruto asked.

"Your ejaculation power and volume." Tsunade said. "According to the data from the books, your ejaculation power should be about a match for a C-rank Suiton jutsu. Your volume...I guess we can empty one of the trash cans to try and keep the mess to a minimum."

"I'm not about to test that here." Naruto said. "Seeing me naked is one thing, but I'm not about to add to anyone's dickgirl fantasies by jerking off."

"Naruto, I don't really have the time for this." Tsunade barked. "-and having to test you for being a futanari is severely trying my patience. Either you tug one, or I do it for you."

"Fine, but I'm not doing it in front of them." Naruto said embarrassed. "I'm not giving shows to perverts, and I don't think I could do it with you and Shizune watching.

Rolling her eyes, Tsunade escorted the others out. "Just hit the nurses button when you're about to pop."

"But-"

"For the test to be valid, I have to actually see you ejaculate." Tsunade said in exhasperation.

Ten minutes later, Tsunade reentered the room with a very large sample container, and not a moment too soon. She barely had time to get the container into position, before with a loud groan, Naruto began to deposit a very sizable sperm sample. When he'd finished, Tsunade had to admit that she was incredibly impressed with the velocity and volume of Naruto's emission. Thankfully, it wasn't anywhere near what was projected in the perverted books.

"Well, your ejaculation strength and volume are much greater than normal, but not enough to cause any alarm, I don't think." Naruto gave her an incredulous look. "Based on the medical reports from Suna and Kumo I was able get, male Jinchuuriki tend towards similar results."

"Okay, so while not normal, I'm still average in my abnormality." Tsunade stared at the girl, and had to wonder if being a girl had made Naruto smarter.

"Exactly, and I'm rather glad that you don't release insane amounts of fluid when cumming." Tsunade said. "Ejaculating enough to slightly, though visibly, cause a woman's abdomen to swell could be unhealthy for any partners you may have."

"So what now?" Naruto asked.

"Well, I'm going to send this for testing." Tsunade said. "From what I can see, you don't have anything to worry about in the potency department, but according to the books, I think it might be best if we find out just how potent you are."

Tsunade exited the room with the sample, allowing a wide eyed Kakashi to reenter with Sai. It wasn't long before Tsunade returned as well. "Well, now we just have to wait until Shizune finishes testing your sperm sample, and then you can go."

"Just out of curiosity, how much was that?" Kakashi asked. "And what was with the huge container?"

"Well, the books said that he'd have a big finish, so I grabbed one of the containers that we use when we have a severely ill patient, need to test the contents of their vomit or feces, and we're expecting a large volume." Tsunade explained. "As for how much; according to the numbers on the container, the initial volume from his sample was about 550 cc (1), but he'd need to come back several more times to get a viable average. Luckily for the gaki, we don't have to worry about that kind of volume."

"Eheh," Naruto started. "-would this be a bad time to mention that I might have actually accidentally created a jutsu that makes that possible?

Tsunade rubbed her temples as if trying to stave off a headache. "Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not, but I know you're curious, so I'll tell you. Anyway, during my training with Ero-Sennin, I was messing around with the hand seals. He told me to be careful, as certain seals tended to create effects when used together. Me being me, I wanted something powerful to beat Sasuke, and impress Sakura, so I was using the seals corresponding to the biggest animals: ox, dragon, tiger, horse, and hare just for kicks. Little did I know, that anytime tiger, horse, and hare are combined, most of the time the result is going to be a perverted jutsu. Well, I accidentally created a jutsu, one that made a bit of a mess."

Tsunade, already guessing what kind of mess, just asked. "How big of a mess are we talking Naruto?"

Naruto blushed, and grabbed one of Sai's books. Quickly flipping to the middle, he found and then showed them a picture. The picture just so happened to feature a woman who'd just been double teamed by a pair of futanari, and been horrendously filled, as well as saturatedly covered in thick spunk. Not only did she have a covering that looked like a large, white, slimey bedsheet, but her stomach was swollen enough to give the impression of impending birth, and was seemingly projectile spewing copious amounts of fluid from her lower lips, forming a massive, pooling puddle beneath her.

Sai, eyes wide in shock, couldn't help commenting. "That...is an impressive mess."

"Yeah, and thankfully it's only temporary." Naruto admitted.

Deciding she really didn't want to know, Tsunade just barked out an order. "That jutsu is is banned."

Half an hour later, an absolutely stunned Shizune returned to the room with a print out, and handed it to Tsunade. "Well, according to this, you shouldn't ever have any trouble getting a girl pregnant. As a matter of fact, if you don't use protection, then you're guaranteed to get a girl pregnant."

"So he's not potent enough to to impregnate a woman even when using contraception?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, the tests say that his sperm is indeed more potent than normal, but we don't know if it's...that potent." Tsunade admitted. "It's not something that we can really risk testing at the moment. We'll have to hold off on that test until you have a wife or girlfriend willing to have your kid in case that particular cliche turns out true."

"Thank Kami." Naruto said.

'That is, unless we find someone random willing to do so, some woman who is otherwise incapable of doing so.' Tsunade thought. "All things considered though, this not have anything to do with this new situation. From the medical reports we have on your mother, and my grandmother, they were both pretty fertile, so this could easily be a Kyuubi thing, or an Uzumaki thing."

"So about how potent are we talking?" Kakashi asked.

"Like I said before he needs to invest in every form of protection available." Tsunade siad. "Whereas some girls can get away with it if it's a less fertile time of the month, with Naruto, if not using contraception, pregnancy is guaranteed. Again, whether he can make contraception obsolete is something I don't feel comfortable testing without some precautions in place."

"That's good." Naruto said. "So, can I go now?"

"Yeah you can go, but first, I've got some good news, and some bad news, gaki." Tsunade said looking pleased with herself. "The good news, between these and all of your other test results, you are perfectly healthy. Somehow, when you made the change, you were able to get a mix of male and female hormones flowing through your system that wouldn't complicate things for you in the long run."

"Well, I could brag about it being the fact that I did, for once, do some reading on the subject, but I'm fairly certain it was mostly dumb luck." Naruto admitted. "Though it is kind of interesting how I have fully functioning breasts, but the inability to naturally lactate, and yet, I could effectively use a Wetnurse Jutsu like any other kunoichi to breastfeed."

"Yes, well luckily for you, from what we can find, the only cliches that fit- well, of the ones we tested- are ones that could have applied to you beforehand just from housing the Kyuubi."

"And the bad news?" Naruto gulped when Tsunade's grin turned sinister.

"The bad news, is that the worst is yet to come. Because of this sudden change, there are some things that need to be done, and some lifestyle changes that need to be made."

"Like?"

"First, you need to have new psych and shinobi evaluations done." Tsunade paused to try and keep the grin off her face, but Naruto saw it. "And you'll also have to go back to the academy."

"What for?" Naruto nearly screamed.

"Well now that you look like a girl, you need to learn to act a bit more lady-like."

"No, you can't mean."

"I'm afraid so." Naruto noticed she didn't look at all remorseful. "You're going to have to go and take all of those kunoichi classes you were exempt from the first time around."

"I'd rather go find Anko, and ask her to redo my resistence training." Naruto mumbled.

"I'm glad you said that, because you'll need to do that as well." Tsunade said. "Now that you have breasts, you'l need to learn to resist two more strong weak points. I'll summon her and see when she has some free time."

1. about 12 ounces of liquid

8888888888888888

Bachelorette Pranks

"I don't know, Ino." Sakura said. "You know Hinata can't hold her alcohol, nor does she really like it."

"Really, Forehead, it's not that big a deal." Ino argued. "You know she's too timid to let herself really enjoy what we've got planned for her. All it'll take is a little something to lower her inhibitions, and she'll have herself at least one wild time in her life."

"Well, I guess." Sakura agreed.

"Plus, if I know the guys, especially Kiba and your sensei, Naruto's going to be guaranteed a good time." Ino groused. "Doesn't she deserve to live on the wild side at least once in her life."

"I-I guess." Sakura said. "But if this blows up in our faces, or if Naruto or Hinata end up getting hurt because of this...I don't think I'll ever forgive you, or myself. We also have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything too crazy. You know the reputation of that dancer, and his special services. I wouldn't want Hinata to get too tipsy and make a grave mistake."

"I don't know, it might be good for her to get fucked good at least once before she's married." Ino teased. Sakura rolled her eyes at that. Just because Naruto was a virgin didn't mean that he'd be bad in bed. Besides, from what she knew of Naruto's talents with the Kage Bunshin, and his stamina, he should have no problem keeping his wife happy, and would be a fairly quick study.

888

"Are you sure, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked. "This doesn't seem like something they would do, especially since they know how I feel about it."

"Hinata, you know I would never joke about something like this." Naruto said. "And really, Sakura may not be so careless, but Ino never was one to take no for an answer unless you made her. Not only that, but Ino has a bit of talent for talking Sakura into sometimes doing stupid things."

"But why would Ino-san try to get me drunk?" Hinata asked, mostly to herself.

If there was one thing that had been well established in their relationship, it was that any and all alcohol was banned from their home. After her mother died so soon after Hizashi was executed, her father had almost drank himself to death, so she didn't like alcohol on principle. It also didn't help that Naruto was a very broody drunk who tended to mimic a certain Uchiha that she was less than fond of; though thankfully it did take inhuman quantities of alcohol to do so.

Then there was the glaring fact that she couldn't hold her liquor to save her life. Not to mention the fact that she had a reaction similar to Lee, only instead of violent she became very affectionate (read easy). After the war with Madara, she had tried one time to drown her grief of Neji's death with sake. It was only pure luck that Naruto had been the first person she'd run into that night, or it could have ended up very differently than her waking up fully dressed in Naruto's bed with a hangover; and the way the world had been swimming, tripping over Naruto who'd slept on the floor hadn't helped her uneasy stomach.

Sure she understood their reasoning, but it was still something that went against one of her most vehement decisions.

"I have no idea what goes on in Ino's head, but I can guess." Naruto said. "I think that Ino assumes that you're too innocent, and deserve a chance to cut loose at least once in your life. I'm also guessing that they feel you wouldn't be able to do said cutting loose without inhibitions lowered by way of alcohol."

"Yes, well unlike some people, I prefer to do my cutting loose in private with the man I love." Hinata replied firmly.

"Sometimes I think it's going to take something drastic happening before Ino will get the hint that no means no." Naruto grumbled. Never let it be said that Naruto couldn't be both a good and bad influence on someone at the same time. A devious grin came over Hinata's face as the beginnings of a plan to get back at Sakura and Ino for trying to get her drunk against her will came to her. "Okay, I know and have worn that look enough times to know you had a devious idea. Though I do have to admit, that look is much sexier on you."

"I was just thinking about what you said." Hinata explained. "How it might take something drastic. What if we provided that something drastic?"

With that, she explained the idea that was quickly forming in her head.

"Well, I haven't played a prank in a few years, and a kind of mean one in even longer than that," Naruto said, thinking. "-but I think that certain lessons need to be learned. Since I have tomorrow off, I'll go talk to the guy."

888

Since there was only one place in the village to view mostly naked dancers, and it was also renting his own stag night surprise, Naruto didn't have any trouble finding the place. With a quick Henge, Naruto had no trouble slipping into the club unnoticed. After paying for a dance in one of the privacy booths, Naruto sat back with a nonalcoholic fruity drink and waited. Upon arriving, the dancer took one look at the woman, and couldn't help responding. That response quickly reversed when Naruto released his Henge, and told the man to have a seat.

"So, I hear that you've been hired for a party this Saturday evening." Naruto said. "The hen party of one Hinata Hyuuga."

"Right, you have nothing to worry about." The man said gulping. "I had no intentions of offering any kind of extra services to your fiance, or any other woman at that party, no matter how much they're paying me. Hell, if you want, I'll cancel, and claim sick or something."

Naruto gave the man a smirk filled with a lot of fang. "No, that won't be necessary, and I thank you for your decision to remain professional. What I want, however, is for you to definitely play that party, and my fiance and I would like your help with a little prank we're planning."

"What kind of prank?" The man said warily. He'd only been a toddler when Naruto was in his pranking heyday, but he'd heard enough horror stories to tread lightly.

"Well, it's like this."

After a talk with the hired dancer, and his definite agreement, Hinata's plan was ready to be put into full effect. Naruto left the club with a devious grin on his Henge's face. Kakashi, who'd passed by his former student after purchasing the new Icha Icha- of which Naruto was now the author- noticed the familiar grin, and decided that he didn't want to know. Instead, he headed to the Hokage Tower to inform Tsunade that her replacement was about to prank someone very badly, and to have mental health specialists on standby for when it was over.

888

The night of the parties, found Naruto sitting at his bachelor party highly amused. Despite it being Hinata's plan, he was the one doing most of the grunt work, and making things work. Still, he didn't mind, as it had been fun for the most part. What wasn't fun, was the realization that he needed to get some more normal friends, something his stag night was proving. Kakashi and Kiba- who had arranged the festivities- were unrepentant perverts. He shuddered to think what kind of youthful party Lee and Gai would come up with. Shino had absolutely no personality, Gaara still didn't really understand a lot of things, and Shikamaru was too lazy to really make a go of it. Chouji might have been a good choice, but according to Shikaku, Akimichi tended to focus far too much on the food, and sometimes forgot about the entertainment.

He'd enjoyed the stripper's show for what it was, but couldn't help comparing her to Hinata, and finding her lacking. Then again, what Kakashi-sensei and Kiba found sexy were the empty headed bimbos in Ero-Sennin's books, so he wasn't surprised that she didn't stack up to Hinata very well. Hell, even if she was way curvier and far more attractive than even Sakura, Tenten, or Ino, she didn't stack up very well against them either.

Naruto had sent a clone undercover to Hinata's party to let him know when it was time to make the switch, and when it popped, he could honestly say he was a bit jealous of Hinata. Her party had had food, games, and door prizes, and his clone had quite enjoyed herself. Still, that wasn't what was important. What was important, was that the dancer had finished his normal routine, and was going to take a small break before giving the bride to be her personal dance. Creating a clone to take his place- and just in time as Kiba insisted he get a special dance- Naruto Shunshined away. Climbing in through the bedroom window, Naruto quickly made the switch with the young man whose name he still didn't know, and who he felt a little uncomfortable addressing by his stage name.

888

Hinata Hyuuga was tipsy, and that was a condition that she didn't enjoy very much. While her slightly inhebriated state had certainly ensured she had a lot more fun, with all the other entertainment before the strippers even started, she wouldn't have needed anything to help her have fun. She couldn't believe that even with a heads up, and being vigilant, Sakura and Ino had still managed to get her tipsy enough to lower her inhibitions some. Enough so, that she had almost felt up one of the dancers before Ino had jokingly told her to save it for her private dance.

Before long the main attraction of the hired dancers had done his regular routine, and she could admit that it was almost as arousing as the very private ones she shared with her fiance at hom, he said that he needed to take a small break. She flushed mightily- though some of that may have been the fruity drink that Ino had just given her- when he said that he'd return shortly to give the bride to be her special dance. As he entered the bedroom they were using as a home base of sorts, Hinata was very thankful for the plan, and that he would be switching places with Naruto. Between the alcohol she'd consumed, and the very arousing dancing, she didn't know how well she'd be able to control herself.

888

As Naruto was about to give his own wife a private dance at her bachelorette party, he had to mentally thank Tsunade for that undercover mission where he'd been forced to highlight as a stripper in Otafuku Gai. He'd had to learn how to dance erotically, and it was something that had really spiced things up with Hinata in the bedroom; especially when she had her own sensei and Anko teach her how to do her own brand of erotically teasing dancing.

Naruto entered the room wearing the standard tear away Jounin outfit most strippers used when doing kunoichi parties. As soon as Ino saw him, she grinnned widely, and grabbed a chair. Setting it in the middle of the cleared space where the other dancers had been, and pulled Hinata from where she'd been sitting to the hot seat.

"Okay Hinata, take a seat, and enjoy the ride." Hinata blushed at Ino's comment and the unintended innuendo, and flushed at what she was thinking. Those drinks she'd had must have gone straight to her head.

Naruto stepped forward until he was standing right in front of her, and with his back thankfully towards the others. With a grin on his face, and a mischievous glint in his eyes, Naruto started to dance.

Upon seeing that her fiance was standing in front of her, Hinata visibly relaxed, and decided to just enjoy it. While he had yet to give her the agreed upon signal, that grin and mischievous glint in his eyes were a dead give away. Not only that, but Naruto always danced to slow, erotic songs where the drums would rumble through her tummy, causing it to flip, jump, and flutter once he really got going.

As he danced for his wife, Naruto began to slowly and sensually remove his clothing. First came the flack jacket, which was tossed to the floor, followed by the top that he simply tore from his body. Girating his hips towards Hinata, he swung it around his head a few times before tossing it to the side, where it smacked Sakura in the face. He grinned when Hinata's hand came up and trailed down his torso, before she snatched it away as if on fire.

Hinata's face lit up as she yanked her hand back. She'd gotten so distracted by her future husband's new, yet still somewhat familiar movements, that she'd forgotten that Naruto didn't look like himself, and that she was in a room full of people watching. This only proved how difficult maintaining control would be, especially when certain normal habits had taken hold over so early into his routine, and she was about to start tracing his chest and abs with her nails. Usually he was down to nothing but his speedo before she got touchy, but the alcohol was certainly making her more bold.

She gasped when he suddenly leaned down, and looked her straight in the eyes. She smiled as she could easily see the effect Kurama's chakra had on his eyes. The red rim around his slit blue eyes was something only she'd ever been close enough to him to see. Still, there was no need to make assumptions. Besides, she could already feel her control slipping, and it would be best to make sure this was her man before letting go.

"Naruto?" She whispered, just barely audible to the man in front of her over the music.

The man just grinned even wider as he straddled her, and sat in her lap, before grinding against her. He then leaned towards her, and with his lips near her ear, he whispered back. "Our first time together got postponed because you used your Byakugan to peep on me while I was in the shower."

Hinata's face lit up with embarrassment at that. The night that Naruto had proposed to her, Hinata had decided she was going to give herself fully to him. Sadly, the much anticipated losing of her virginitiy to the man she loved never materialized. While Naruto was in the shower getting ready, and she was waiting for him in the lingerie she'd picked out just for the occassion, she'd decided to get a sneak peek at what to look forward to. She'd almost openly drooled at seeing Naruto's body with the water from the shower cascading over his muscular form, and when her eyes drifted below his waist, her breath was stolen from her. Sadly, by the time Naruto joined her in the bedroom, she'd passed out with a nosebleed.

Still, no one else knew that that night had happened that way. The story they'd fed everyone, was that they'd decided to just cuddle and snuggle, as they didn't want to such a beautiful evening into something else. That, more than anything, proved she was being entertained by her Naruto. This was good, because she could let herself go, fully immerse herself in the special performance, and add to Sakura and Ino's uncomfortable night when she really got into it as she knew she would.

It was as she had that thought, that Naruto decided to up the anty, and ripped off the tear away pants he was wearing. Hinata had to bite back a very audible groan as she saw his considerable blessing stuffed in a speedo. The blush and gasp that came a moment later was the result of Naruto's current standing straddle position and girating hips causing said endowment to lightly brush against her lips and cheek. He must have realized the effect he was having on her, because thankfully, he backed away, and turned to tease and entertain the other members of the party. She was very thankful for the brief respite, but knew it was only a matter of time.

When Naruto's attention turned back to her, Hinata was ready to just enjoy herself, consequences be damned. As Naruto circled her, moving to the music in such deliciously erotic ways, Hinata felt her breath getting heavier. It wasn't until Naruto paused behind her that she realized just how turned on she actually was. The sudden feeling of Naruto's hands on her shoulders, intimately caressing her in all the right spots pulled a moan from her lips, and caused her to press her thighs together. She could see the frown on Sakura's face as Naruto's hands slipped lower until they were softly brushing against her skin just above her breasts.

She hadn't known why Naruto insisted she wear a top with such a low cut neckline, but she had to admit it was perfect for this. Not only that, but some of the glances she'd gotten on her way here had made her feel quite sexy. Hinata couldn't help the focus her eyes had on the blonde and pinkette right in front of her as Naruto played her body like an instrument, and she responded in kind; the latter looked like she wanted to butcher him for having the audacity to touch her friend's fiance so intimately. Shoulders, upper chest, arms, hips, sides, and belly, Naruto gently caressed her, all the while still dancing to the music.

It wasn't until he started caressing her torso right beneath her breasts that she started to really lose control of herself. Naruto knew that was one of her weakest spots, especially when he stroked her there. It didn't take a Nara to figure out just how turned on she was starting to get. Her moans were becoming audible even with the music, she was rubbing her thighs together, and a glance at her top revealed her nipples were stiff and demanding attention. It was attention which Naruto happpily, if very briefly, gave as his hands travelled back up to her shoulders by way of her generous bust, ghosting over her sensitive points, and making her cry out.

Taking hold of her shoulders, Naruto gestured for her to stand, before kicking the chair to the side, and pressing himself flush against the entire length of her back. It would seem that she wasn't the only one getting turned on by this dance, the evidence of which she could feel pressed firmly into her backside. Feeling how much Naruto desired her at that moment, Hinata couldn't help pressing herself back against Naruto just as firmly. When Naruto began grinding against her, Hinata decided to hell with it, and reciprocated in kind. Up and down, left to right, around in a circle, Hinata rubbed her backside against Naruto's throbbing bulge trying to get him as hot as he'd made her.

While her main focus was on their grinding pelvises, there were other parts of Naruto that were getting into the act, slowly driving her wild. His hands were wrapped around her waist, one caressing her weak spot beneath her breasts, while the other rubbed her belly, occasionally dipping lower into forbidden zones that drew growls of anger from Sakura. She could also feel him nuzzling her neck, and the back of her ear, gently blowing on the sensitized areas. The feeling of Naruto surrounding her was so like at home that the rest of the party fell away, and all she could see and feel was Naruto standing behind her, arms around her waist, grinding his desire for her into her rear.

"Hey Ino," Sakura asked worriedly as she watched Hinata grind harder into the stripper. The way Hinata was holding his neck, and rubbing herself flush against the man was far more erotic than she was comfortable with given how tipsy she was. "-do you think Hinata might be getting a little too into that private dance?"

"Nah, she's just having a little fun is all." Ino said. "It's just a little dirty dancing, it's not like she's going to sleep with the guy. He may offer those services, but we won't have any problems making sure that they're not offered to her."

But it wasn't just a bit of dirty dancing. Hinata could feel her senses going haywire from the eroticism, the all encompassing sensations that had enveloped her pushing her towards an end that would not, could not, be denied. Even as she knew what was coming, and how embarrassed she would normally be in this kind of situation, she wanted it now more than she could ever remember wanting it before. For some reason, with her inhibitions blocked by the alcohol, being watched by the others only made everything that much more intense.

Hand splayed across her abdomen, circling her navel with a finger, Naruto placed his lips next to her ear, and whispered into her ear. "I can't wait wait for the day when this tight little tummy of yours is swollen with our first child."

Imagining what it would be like to be pregnant with the child of her husband, as well as getting flashes of the circumstance that would lead to that condition proved too much. Head tossed back onto Naruto's shoulder, Hinata stiffened with a loud cry, and convulsed in her fiance's arms. After was seemed like several minutes, but was only really a couple dozen seconds, Hinata went limp, and slumped against the man she would be marrying in just three days.

Apparently, that was the final straw for some people. "Okay, I think that's the end of your show. We hired your to show her a good time, not get her off in front of a crowd."

'Yes,' Hinata thought with some glee as she recovered. '-getting a frisky drunk intoxicated was a good idea, until said frisky drunk gets a little too frisky with the entertainment. Just wait until tomorrow.'

888

Hinata blushed mightily as a proudly grinning Kurenai, and a smirking Anko helped the weak-kneed woman to a nearby chair. Poor Naruto had been drug off by Ino and Sakura to be nagged at about proper professional stripper etiquette. If only they knew who it was they were talking to. Still, she hoped they finished with him quickly.

While Naruto had made her climax, it wasn't near enough, and had only stoked the fires for what they had planned for later. He'd gotten her so aroused that she was tempted to jump him right then, even as Sakura and Ino were dragging him away, but knew she has to wait until they were alone to throw caution, modesty, and decorum to the wind. When she did get him alone, though, sleep would be a long time in coming; and that would be only after she'd done a lot of cumming.

After almost half an hour of nagging, badgering, and other synonyms, the two kunoichi finally felt he'd learned his lesson. As a deviously grinning- behind Ino and Sakura's backs- Naruto headed to the bedroom where the strippers had set up base, the next phase of Hinata's party began. That part being the drunken confessional/borderline lesbian fun portions...or Truth or Dare as most people tended to call it. Still, Anko's name wasn't far off the mark. No one had been able to figure out why, but in Konoha, all kunoichi parties where the game was played tended to end with a lot of weird confessions of sexual attraction, and lots of experimental girl on girl action.

Hinata, however, had no intention of sticking around for that. She'd gotten all of her bi-curious experimenting out of the way, and thanks to a really advanced Henge, she'd been able to do it with the (wo)man she planned to spend the rest of her life with. While not overly bothered by it- it had been unusually satisfying, after all- she didn't think she wanted to be on the giving or receiving end of that kind of attention any time soon. Not only that, but she had far better plans for the evening than drunk confessions, and bisexual experimentation.

"Ano, I think I'm just going to call it a night." Hinata said, shakily standing from the chair she'd been sitting in.

"Aww, but it's about to get really interesting." Anko teased. "I can't wait to see what kinds of naughty secrets I can get out of you girls."

"Well, all that alcohol has made me a bit drowsy, and I don't want to spoil things by falling asleep." Hinata replied. "But don't feel you have to stop on my account."

"But it's your hen party, Hinata." Ino protested.

"No, let her go, Ino." Sakura said. "If she thinks she needs to call it a night, then I say we let her. I'm sure she's had more than enough fun to call it a successful evening."

"Fine, but it would be more fun with the guest of honor."

"Oh please, you're just ticked because you planned to ask her a bunch of disgustingly invasive questions about their sex life." Temari teased.

"Well, I think everyone wants to know if all that stamina is wasted on him where it counts." Ino grumbled.

"As the lucky girl who got to do his resistence training, I can tell you that no, it most certainly is not." Anko said. "I'm sure Hinata-chan will agree with me there."

Deciding to spare her former student, Kurenai spoke up. "Goodnight, Hinata"

"Yeah, sleep tight, but don't let the bedfox bite."

"Bedfox?" Sakura asked.

"Inside joke," Anko said. "-you wouldn't understand unless you've slept with Naruto."

Deciding to make a quick exit, Hinata used the stunned silence to leave. Once out of sight, she quickly headed down the hall to a certain bedroom. Knocking twice, Hinata licked her lips as the door opened. Her look of desperate desire turned to annoyance when the stripper from before opened the door.

With an almost growl in her voice, Hinata ordered her man to, "Take it off, now. I played along earlier because it was part of the plan, I'm not about to have sex with another man, even if it's my fiance in disguise."

With a puff of smoke, the seductively grinning face, and deliciously tan features, of her soon-to-be husband appeared. "Now, where were we, my hime?" Hinata's answer was to tackle him to the bed.

"Hey, where was Hinata headed?" Tenten asked back in the other room.

"She said she was tired." Ino answered. "I guess we gave her a little too much to drink, because she said she was going to call it a night."

"So that's why she was headed into that bedroom." Tenten remarked. "Yeah, I'll admit that she did look like she could you a good lay."

"Well, those comfy beds are the perfect place to get one." Anko added. "I'm sure she'll have a nice, long night, and wake up in the morning feeling quite refreshed."

888

"Ugh, now that was a party." Ino crowed the next morning, stretching out on the couch she was on. Her glowing green hand alleviating the headache from the hangover she was currently getting rid of.

"Yeah, and it would seem like you were right." Sakura admitted. "Hinata certainly enjoyed herself, but I almost got worried with how into that private dance she was getting. Too bad he left so soon, I wouldn't have minded enjoying myself a bit with that dancer. Wonder where Hinata ran off to."

"Last time I saw her, she was making out in the hallway with that horse dick stripper." Tenten said entering the room from the hallway, inwardly smirking at what she knew was coming for the two. As a matter of fact, it seemed Ino and Sakura were the only two not in on things. "I think I heard a door slam while I was in the restroom, but I'm not quite sure. I just hope what I think happened didn't happen, or Naruto is going to be pissed."

"Hmm, and his equipment is still here, too." Sakura suddenly went pale. "Hinata's missing, and the stripper hasn't left yet. Oh Kami, no, she couldn't have. If Naruto finds out he'll be crushed."

"Forget that, what if he finds out we were the reason it happened?" Ino said frantic. "He'll forgive her because she was intoxicated, we're dead. We have to find her, now."

They find her in one of the bedrooms, with her clothing strewn about the floor, along with the dancer's after show pants and his small speedo. The girl was just waking up.

"Hinata, you-" Ino was pale. "You slept with that stripper!"

"Please, not so loud." She said, quietly, holding her head. "And it's all right."

"What do you mean?" Sakura spat. "You cheated on Naruto."

"First off, if it weren't for certain people getting me drunk, it wouldn't have happened." Hinata said, glaring. "As it was, you spiked my tea- several times unless I'm mistaken- and put me in a position where my lowered inhibitions could be taken advantage of by my libido."

"How can you be so blase about this?" Sakura said, somewhat shocked that Hinata had cheated on Naruto, and didn't seem at all bothered about it. "Naruto trusted you."

"It's all right, I'm sure he'll understand." Hinata said, a gleam to her eyes. "As a matter of fact, I bet he had just as good a time last night as I did."

"I can't believe you." Sakura suddenly growled. "I thought you loved him. How could you do something like this, and not care?" Hinata's eyes hardened.

"I've told you before that I don't drink." She spat. "Did you ever stop to think why that was? As for Naruto, I love him more than anything in the world, and you two should know that I would never willingly be unfaithful to him."

"Then how do you explain last night." Ino asked.

"Again, remember your part in this." Hinata reminded her. "And like I said, I would never willingly cheat on Naruto." Ino and Sakura just sighed in defeat. They knew that, and it was partially their fault for getting Hinata drunk.

"Please tell me you at least used protection." Sakura said. "If Naruto finds out, it'll kill him. There's no way that he won't find out if you end up getting pregnant by another guy."

"Oh Kami, I knew we forgot something." Hinata said, actually shocked, but not overly bothered- all things considered. She distinctly remembered her lover performing the proper jutsu, so she should be okay. It was at this point that the stripper from the night before exited the bathroom, and the two accusing kunoichi turned their ire onto him.

"YOU!" Sakura yelled, causing Hinata to wince. "We hired you to dance for her, and show her a good time, not to sleep with her. She's getting married in two days, how could you?"

"You hired me to use everything in my arsenal to show her a good time, and I did that." The man said, grabbing his crotch. "You were the ones who got your friend drunk, and lowered her inhibitions enough to want some of my more private services. Besides, with the way she was screaming, I'm rather sure she got your money's worth. I'm telling you, Uzumaki-san is one lucky guy to be marrying a minx like her."

"You can't just go around sleeping with other people's fiances." Ino growled. "What the hell kind of person are you?"

"Why not?" The man said. "She approached be as I was leaving, and I only gave her what she wanted. Or are you just mad that she commandeered me for the night before you got to."

Sakura growled, and swung at the man, aiming to send him through the wall...only to gasp when her fist was caught easily. Now there were many who could deflect, or dodge her punches, but there was only one person in the village who could so casually catch her haymakers like that. Looking into the man's eyes, Sakura was shocked to find horizontally lined pupils. More focus revealed the golden iris and red rim that also signified Sage Mode. But there was only one person who knew that technique. The man squeezed her hand, before letting go.

"W-who are you?" Sakura said, suddenly very alert, shaking her sore hand.

"Like you can't tell from my eyes." The man said. When it became obvious they couldn't, Naruto grumbled. "Damn, I guess I owe the old hag a bottle of sake."

"N-Naruto?" Ino asked. The pair got the shock of their lives when the brunette dancer's face and torso were engulfed in smoke, and Naruto's features appeared.

"Now what have we learned?" Naruto said.

"That you're hung like a horse." Ino exclaimed.

"Eyes up, blondie." Two voices said at the same time, one from in front of her, and the other from the bed.

"So wait, Naruto was the one you slept with?" Sakura asked. "But how did he escape our notice? Why didn't anyone see him arrive? For that matter, when did he get here?"

"You were all a little too tipsy to notice me using stealth to get in." Naruto teased. "You didn't see me arrive, because I came in through a bedroom window. I got here a few minutes before Hinata's dance, and reaped the benefits."

"So, you just did nothing while she was getting hot and sweaty with some other guy?" Ino asked. "I mean, I know that it was probably our fault, but like Sakura said, she did seem to be getting really into it, and seemed to be enjoying herself more than I would have thought she would."

"Yes, well I'll admit that I was surprised that she got so into it that she forgot we had an audience, but I certainly didn't mind her actions or reactions." Naruto said, smirking.

"What are you-" Sakura paused. "-wait did you just say 'we had an audience'? Are you telling me that you were the one on stage?"

"Since when have you been able to move like that?" Sakura demanded.

"Since Kakashi, Genma, and I were assigned that infiltration mission in Otafuku Gai." Naruto said. "We were undercover as strippers, so I had to learn how to strip. Granted I learned first as a woman using my Oiroke, I found that some of the sensual movements of female dancers carry over, and female patrons are very appreciative of that."

"Hey Hinata, when I get married, do you think I could hire Naruto for my party?" Ino asked.

8888888888888888

Oh my god, there's another one. Thankfully, this is the last one for awhile.