Disclaimer: Four hours, and seven minutes ago...my forefather traumatized his grandchildren by telling us how he seduced our grandmother.
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Silly Drabble 57
Part II of Silly Drabble 14
Naruto does something shocking after finding out that Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro are coming to live in Konoha permanently.
"Ne, Tsunade-baachan, I'd like to propose a team trade." Naruto said, shocking Tsunade, Shizune, Iruka, Jiraiya, Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura, and all three Sand Siblings.
"What kind of trade, Naruto?" Tsunade asked, not really considering it, but curious nonetheless.
"A trade of me for Kankuro." Naruto replied.
"Seconded." Gaara added in a monotone, the two Jinchuuriki earning looks of mild betrayal from Kakashi, Sakura, and Gaara's brother.
"Why would you want a trade, Naruto?" Jiraiya asked.
"Cuz Kakashi-sensei doesn't teach us anything." Naruto replied simply. "Sakura-chan doesn't like me, and has told me plenty of times that she wishes it was just her and Sasuke on a team, or someone besides me. Besides, Gaara understands me better than anyone. We could even have Ero-Sennin as our squad leader, since he said he was gonna train me anyway."
"Naruto, remember what I said about abandoning comrades?" Kakashi asked, knowing that in some ways, he was being just a tad hypocritical.
"Yeah, but I'm not abandoning the team." Naruto said. "I'm giving you a chance to replace me with someone better."
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Silly Drabble 58
Based on Ch. 11 and 12 of Time MixUp by Lucillia
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
Kakashi, who'd been in the middle of launching a surprise attack against Kakuzu paused, and cursed as his alarm went off. "Hang on, I'm calling time out."
"What, you can't call time out in the middle of a fight." Hidan yelled.
"I have a member on my team that allows me that exception."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean."
"My uncouth partner is correct, you cannot ask for a break in a life or death battle."
"Kakuzu, right, you said you're old enough to have fought the first Hokage." The man nodded. "So then you're old enough to be well acquainted with the Uzumaki Clan, and their special brand of ADHD. Naruto is an Uzumaki, and it's time for him to take his meds. So unless you'd like to help deal with an off-meds Uzumaki who also happens to be a jinchuuriki, then I would suggest you relax, and let me give him said medication."
"Fuck that!" Hidan said, readying an attack.
"Hidan, let them give the boy his meds."
"-the fuck?!" The cultist asked confused.
"Let the boy take his meds." He said, remembering the redhead who'd shown up during his fight with the Shodai asking about some pills. "Trust me on this, you don't want to fight an unmedicated Uzumaki."
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Silly Drabble 59
Based on picture found at rule34 DOT xxx
search (sottocolle kiba uzumaki_naruto hyuuga_hinata) the colored picture, and without parentheses
The Konoha twelve (yes, including Sasuke) are at a restaurant when Sai makes a comment about Naruto's dick, or lack thereof. Naruto, sick and tired of Sai's comments, stands and drops his pants revealing the monster held back by fabric.
"I stand corrected."
"Good, now no more talk about my dick." He turns and walks away, missing the predatory eyes following him out the door. Releasing a heavy sigh, Hinata looked around the table.
"Okay, how many rivals for Naruto did I just gain?" Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Temari, and Karin all raised their hands.
"Hn, better him than me." Sasuke said, smirking. "Though I still don't see why anyone'd fight over him."
"Jealous?" Kiba taunted.
"No, just genuinely confused." Sasuke said. "After all, Naruto knows Kage Bunshin, and according to Kakashi, can create a thousand at once. Why fight over one when they can all just as easily be consumed by the horde?"
Sasuke found himself kissed on the cheek by six young women, who all ran off together to plan a capture that would be as difficult as the D-rank Tora missions had been.
"You do realise what you just did, don't you?" Kiba asked.
"Yes. With the exception of Hinata, who's already in love with Naruto, I saved us from the romantic attentions of several volatile kunoichi." Sasuke said. "And I also provided us with months, possibly years of entertainment from watching Naruto deal with a harem of quick tempered women."
"With friends like you, who needs annoying rivals." Shikamaru said. "So troublesome, although I guess I should thank you for distracting Temari and Ino."
"You know he's going to make you pay for that, right?" Kiba said.
"Tell me, which would you prefer?" Sasuke started. "A very mellow Naruto pranking you to high hell, or say, Sakura- who can crush buildings with a punch- deciding that you were going to be her man?"
"Good point."
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Silly Drabble 60
"No way you're from the future!" Ino cried. "And most definitely no way that either of us would ever date you." Sakura's vehement agreement caused Naruto to glare.
"Then how do I know that you get off on gently having your hair pulled while being seduced, and that Sakura likes having her ass smacked?" Naruto returned, causing both girls to gasp, and turn a shade similar to Sakura's hair. "Or that the two of you figured this out at your last little slumber party? You remember, the one Hinata missed with a cold, and Tenten missed because of a last minute mission assignment."
"H-how did you-"
"Hyuuga clan politics made it so that I couldn't be anything more to Hinata than a sperm donor for her children; officially, anyway." Naruto revealed. "So that's what we ended up doing, even if it meant more to us. After learning that, Tsunade-baachan assigned Sakura and I as seduction/resistence training partners. That's how I learned about Sakura, and we eventually ended up getting married. I found out about Ino when Sakura decided to do something kinky for our fifth anniversary that involved you and Hinata joining us for the evening. That night resulted in heirs for the Uzumaki, Hyuuga, and Yamanaka families."
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Silly Drabble 61
Scenario: Naruto is dating a girl that sakura warns him about, recognizing her for the shallow girl she is, considering she used to be that way. when the girl grows tired of being with the 'village hero' she starts seeing another boy, who is a wealthy merchants son, and known playboy. she doesn't bother telling Naruto, just starts seeing him, and naruto finds out and is crushed. his mopey attitude is a serious downer to everyone around him, especially since he's being a grumpy bastard (which konohamaru calls him to his face, and is angered when Naruto doesn't even respond). He becomes even more depressed when his friends don't want to spend time with him anymore. In an odd twist, it's a rather unusual voice of reason that brings him back from his depression.
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"While I'll admit that I've been impressed with the man you've become, I'm also a tad disappointed as well." Elder Koharu said as she sat next to him on the Yondaime's head. "Yes, I understand it was necessary for you to grow up and mature so that you would be ready to become the Hokage when Tsunade-chan retires, but I'm admittely saddened that it came at such a cost."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked, a small spark of something coming to his eyes.
"I remember a time when Naruto Uzumaki wouldn't take anyone's shit." She said, surprising him with her bad language. "I remember the boy who short-changed the toilet paper in the Police headquarters because a couple Uchiha gave him grief. I remember the boy who soaked the tea leaves for the Academy staff room in a laxative because his teachers were being unfair. I remember the young man who had the nerve to call us elders- to our faces no less- fossilized geriatrics who were ready to be put out to pasture. That young man wouldn't have gone into a funk over that girl, he'd have dished out a more than fitting retaliation."
"So you're saying that I should go back to being that boy again?" Naruto asked, his face a mask of disbelief.
"No, I'm saying that growing up shouldn't mean you let go of the boy and young man who brought so much hope and light to Sarutobi's life after his wife was killed. It shouldn't mean that the boy who inspired Tsunade, and so many others, should disappear because you've grown up."
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A few weeks later, the village of Konoha was gifted with a special, surprise kick off performance during the Kyuubi festival. The thing that gathered the most attention, was that it was the village hero Naruto, who was the performer. Apperently, he'd gotten over being dumped, and was even well enough to do something special for the festival that had always been a dark spot on his life every year. It didn't hurt that it was on his birthday as well. The potential spectators were all surprised when the saw a Naruto clone dressed as a stagehand rolling a massive scroll across the stage. They were even more shocked when he made a few seals, and slapped his hand down, causing a huge puff of smoke. That shock grew to even greater proportions when they saw another, handsomely dressed Naruto appear, along with a sea of familiar faces, and one really hot blonde that no one recognized.
Taking the mic, the Naruto in front gave a large grin before addressing the crowd. "Good evening Konoha. I thought I'd kick this year's festival off with a little musical number to get you in the festive mood. Before we start, I'd like to introduce you to my band.
On the keys, my dad, Minato Namikaze, better known as the Yondaime Hokage. If you thought he was fast in a fight, you haven't seen him tickling the ivory. On drums, The Ero-Sennin, Jiraiya. On guitar, the Godaime Kazekage, Gaara of the Sand." In the crowd, the redhead's sister gave her younger brother and kage a raised brow of question. His reply was a smirk and a shrug. On congas, you know him, you love him, Sandaime-jiji."
"Minato, how did your son convince us to do this again?" Hiruzen sighed.
"Uzumaki charisma." Minato answered, as if that said it all. For anyone with enough exposure to the clan, that was all that needed to be said.
"Last but certainly not least, on back up vocals- although if I'm honest they're really eye candy to distract you from the fact that I can't sing to save my life- Mito, Kushina, and Ariko Uzumaki, the lovely, the vivacious, the sexy Foxy Fishcakes.
"That is the stupidest name ever." Ariko griped. "And you do realize you just technically flirted with your mother, and practically your twin sister, right?
"Meh, big clans are all known for some form of incest. how do you think they keep their bloodlines so 'pure'." Naruto answered, causing a few Hyuuga to frown.
"I'll show you incest," Kushina said as she stomped up to him... "-take that dattebane! Son or not, nobody talks about the Uzumaki that way." ...and socks him right in the eye.
To the amusement of the crowd, Mito intoned. "Even if it is true to an extent."
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"Well, at least now we know he came by it honestly, though it's kind of disturbing that we forgot in the first place." Koharu said to her teammate.
Homura rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses. "We probably repressed the memories after she died."
"The really creepy thing is that he's got their mannerisms down exactly," Tsunade added. "-and he's never even met them before."
Homura gave that a few moments thought. "I'm curious as to how he pulled that off."
Tsunade gave a grin that showed that was at least a little of her grandmother in her. "Are you sure about that?"
"On second thought, never mind."
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"I would like to dedicate this song to three people." Naruto said. "First to Hinamori and Shogo who taught me an important lesson about relationships. I'd also like to dedicate this song to Elder Utatane, who reminded me that sometimes, you have to go back to the basics."
Then the music started with Sarutobi and Minato
"I see you hanging 'round town with the girl I loved, I'm like, FUCK YOUUU!" Naruto sang. "I guess the change in my pocket, wasn't enough, so it's Fuck You, and uh, fuck her too. Said if I was richer, I'd still be with ya, now ain't that some shit. And although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best, and a FUCK YOUUU!"
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Homura stared at the signed declaration, and gave a wary glance to Tsunade. "Are you sure that we should really be making him the Hokage? What will the other villages and countries think?
"They'll think not to mess with Konoha." Koharu said.
Intrigued, Tsunade said. "Do tell."
Think about it. We have a Hokage powerful enough to defeat an invincible ninja capable of defeating all five kage, as well as one strong enough to defeat that juubi creature. On top of that, he's more than capable of, and once again willing to, prank on a massive scale. They'll be too afraid of some kind of massive, humiliatin retaliation to do or say anything."
"And that's before you factor in that he's best friends with the Kazekage and Raikage's brother, the Tsuchikage of all people likes him, and the Mizukage wants to have his babies." Tsunade added amused.
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Silly Drabble 62
"God, you're so pathetic, Forehead." Ino teased. "Live a little, why don't you. You're so predictably boring it's sad."
"I can be spontaneous." Sakura argued.
"Oh, then I dare you to spend the night with the next guy that walks in." Ino said. "Within reason of course. If there's nothing visibly or psychologically wrong with him, then you have to do it."
"Fine, you're on." Both girls stared hard at the door. One hoping for a handsome guy, the other hoping for someone from their age group, just to see Sakura squirm. The door opened, and in walked Iruka Umino along with Anko Mitarashi, Kakashi Hatake, and Kurenai Yuuhi.
"Sensei, I'll let pass." Ino said. The door opened again, and in strolled Shino and Shikamaru, causing Ino to sigh. "I guess guys in a relationship are out too." Right behind them though, came a familiar blond head of hair that made Ino smirk, and Sakura pale. "Well, this should be interesting. You'll have to tell me if he's as much a stamina freak in bed as he is in a fight. Have fun." Ino stood, and went over to join Shikamaru and Shino.
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The next morning Ino woke to a bouquet of her favorite flowers. Looking at the card, her eyes widened as she read it.
Yes, he is. I had to call in reinforcements. We started 3 on 1, but still ended up outnumbered. Thank you.
Sakura, Hinata, and Ayame
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Silly Drabble 63
Tsunade was having a bad day. First was the report that someone had started a barfight that leveled part of the best bar in the Red Light District. Then, Shizune had come in with a pile of paperwork that was even taller than the stack she'd just finished. Then, to top it all off, she didn't have any sake to ease the stress. Not willing to risk tempting fate, Tsunade didn't ask if the day could get any worse, but it would seem the evil bitch didn't care. Suddenly, three powerful beings appeared in her office, each with a chakra presence that rivaled her perverted teammate. Descriptions of foxes.
"We wish an audience with Lord Kyuubi." The middle one said. "And do not tell us he is dead, Keiko can sense his presence in this village." Just as Tsunade was about to speak, the entirety of the Konoha Eleven entered the room. The indigo haired woman, Keiko she thought it was, turned and stared at Naruto. The other two, following her lead turned to the blond, then as one, all three fell to one knee, and called out.
"Kurama-sama."
"Damn, I was hoping they wouldn't find me." Naruto groaned. "This is seriously a problem I didn't need."
"You know them?" Sakura asked.
"Know them, no, know of them, yes. Not only did I get his chakra, but I also got all of the fox's memories as well."
"Milord, milady wishes a word." Keiko said, as she bit her thumb, made some seals, and pressed her hand onto the chair. In a plume of smoke, another being appeared, similar to the others, but with silver appendages, and a natural presence that was very much like her Grandparents when something actually succeeded in pissing them off. This presence, of course, was ruined when she sniffed the air, her head snapped to the side where she found Naruto, and moments later tackled him to the floor. From there she snuggled up in his lap, and proceeded to nuzzle his neck more than just a bit affectionately.
"Well?!" Sakura growled, glaring at the vixen nuzzling Naruto.
"Let's just say that there used to be a Kitsune contract, and Kurama was a slut." Naruto groaned.
"And what does this mean for you?" Tsunade asked, slightly amused at her apprentice's reaction.
"Well, the kneeling three are his daughters." Naruto said. "And based on her coloring, the one who's mistaken me for someone else is likely their mother."
"You're not sure?" Tsunade asked.
"I only have memories of her in full fox form, so I can only base it off of coloring." Naruto replied. "Unless there were others with silver fur, then she's the vixen Kurama knocked up."
"There are four foxes with silver fur, but mother is the only vixen." Keiko acknowledged.
"Right, so, can you please explain to your mom that despite carrying his scent, I'm not the flea motel, just his jinchuuriki?"
"Beg pardon, milord." The violet haired vixen on the left, and the one who was likely Keiko's twin despite the different coloring, said. "But I don't think she cares."
"Um, what?"
"Forgive me, my name is Reiko, and I do not believe mother cares whether you are her mate, or just his vessel, so long as you carry his scent."
"Please tell me there's a good reason that won't come back to haunt me." The twins winced.
The white furred vixen, who was plainly the youngest of the three, spoke. "I am Minori, milord, and the reason mother has pounced on you, is because she is in heat."
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Silly Drabble 64
"You were right," Sasuke said griping.
"I couldn't hear you over my disbelief, what was that?"
"I said, you were right Naruto," Sasuke admitted. "Sakura is a sucker for stupid compliments."
"Okay this I gotta hear." Naruto said grinning.
Flashback
"Sasuke, let me go." Sakura griped.
"Would you calm down." He said. "You're beautiful."
"I'm not beautiful," The pinkette spat vehemently. "I'm fat, achy, and irritable."
"Well, I can't deny that." Sasuke said, earning him a fierce glare. "But considering that I didn't marry you for your looks, then I guess that doesn't matter."
"Oh, then why did you marry me?" The underlying tone told the man he was treading on very thin ice at the moment.
"I happen to find it exceptionally sexy that you've got a right hook that can collapse buildings." Sasuke said. "Not to mention being able to intimidate a guy like Naruto, to an extent. Besides, any woman that can wrap Naruto around her little finger is surely out of my league, so Hinata was out of the question." Sakura turned in her husband's arms, and smacked Sasuke in the arm.
"I guess hanging out with Naruto has had some positive effects after all." She said, smiling at him.
End flashback
"I can't believe that actually worked." Naruto said.
"Me either." Sasuke admitted.
"By the way, Hinata doesn't have me wrapped around her little finger." Naruto protested.
"Oh?"
"It's two fingers." Naruto stated proudly.
Perverted Ending:
"By the way, Hinata doesn't have me wrapped around her little finger." Naruto protested.
"Oh?"
"She's just capable of wrapping her fingers around me in such a way that it's impossible for me to say no to her." Naruto stated proudly.
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Just a short little something I threw together for Naruto's birthday, even if it was a bit late and not up to standard.