Disclaimer: I've become desensitized to the dribble that drips from my brain, so I'm not even sure if this stuff is even funny anymore.
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Silly Drabble 10 pt II
In Sunagakure
"Kazekage-sama, I have some terrible news." One of his elites cried, barging into his office.
"Yes, what is it?!" Rasa snapped, quickly causing the rather sentimental image of his family that he'd been making of his golden sand to collapse to the desk. Couldn't let the subordinates see him being soft, especially since the image also contained his wife and youngest son and the dreams of what he'd hoped the sealing of Shukaku would earn, not the horror he got. "Tell me already man, I don't have all day."
"Our spy network has just confirmed a very disturbing rumor."
"This better not be about the Sandaime being a closet pervert." The man growled. The jounin shook his head. "Then what is it? I'm busy."
"Sir, Konoha has been harboring a secret weapon for years, and no one knew." The Anbu said. "One that is even more powerful than Gaara."
"WHAT?!"
"Hai, sir." The man said. "Apparently, they have been harboring Uzumaki."
"I'm well aware of the fact Konoha has been harboring Uzumaki." The man said. "The Shodai's wife was an Uzumaki, and his granddaughter has the blood in her. Fortunately for us, Mito-sama is dead, and Tsunade-hime has taken to the life of a drunk recluse."
"Actually sir, they've been harboring a third Uzumaki for the past twelve years."
"WHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!" The man yelled, before composing himself. "Are we sure it was an Uzumaki?"
"Hai sir, I was even directed to confirm the evidence with Lady Chiyo before reporting to you." The Jounin answered. "According to our spies, while his appearance suggests otherwise, the boy has routinely pranked Konoha's Anbu, and led their elite ninja on several chases around the village that lasted hours; only ending when the Hokage or two other ninja were involved."
With a twitch, the Kazekage asked. "What information do we have on the other two ninja?"
"The most recent one is Chuunin Iruka Umino." He said. "Reports have him as a mediocre Chuunin Instructor at their academy, but we already know how misleading their reports of average can be, and the fact that he is capable of capturing the boy singlehandedly confirms that. The other...the other was Itachi Uchiha, and he was also able to capture the boy without help."
"What other proof can you offer that the boy is truly an Uzumaki? Please skip to what you believe is the most relevant information." Rasa ordered, hiding a shudder. It was hearing things like this that constantly reminded the world why Konoha was still considered the strongest of the Gokage villages. Despite the wars, and natural disasters like the Kyuubi attack, they still managed to consistently produce at least three powerful shinobi each generaion who were potential Kage candidates in their own right.
"Well sir, Lady Chiyo pointed out something that truly disturbed her." The Jounin said. "Just a few months ago, one of the boy's pranks involved grafitiing the Hokage Monument in broad daylight, and no one caught wind of it until he was almost finished."
"YOU IDIOT, THAT NOT JUST AN UZUMAKI, THAT'S A MAIN LINE UZUMAKI?!" The Kazekage shrieked as the information processed. Again composing himself, he asked the question that had for some reason been gnawing at his mind. "Why would his appearance suggest that he's not an Uzumaki?"
"The boy has spikey, golden blonde hair, and deep, ocean blue ey-es. Sir?" The Jounin asked, seeing his village leader develop a spastic twitch that looked to quickly be becoming a full on fit, and a look of utmost horror.
When he responded, his voice was low and deadly. "Are you telling me even before the discovery of this current Uzumaki, that Konoha was potentially harboring a female Uzumaki, and that that abomination reproduced with the fucking Yellow Flash?"
"Yessir, that is what the reports assume." The Jounin agreed. "Apparently they've had him living the life of a typical orphan to hide his status from their enemies until it is too late."
"Well played, Sarutobi." Rasa muttered. "You truly are deserving of your title of The Great Professor. Send word to Sarutobi-dono of the impending invasion, and ask him what he would have us do."
"As you command." The man disappeared.
"Hmm, this might be interesting." He said. "This Uzumaki may just be able to rid me of this problem of mine." In two months time, his hopes would come to fruition, just not in the way he thought. After all, no one can resist the power of the Uzumaki bloodline, and their many Therapy Jutsu.
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In Tsuchigakure
A tiny elderly man sat at his desk pouring over several documents when a messenger hawk suddenly landed on his desk. On second notice, it was the fastest one the village had, and the one used for dire emergencies within the village. Quickly tearing off the missive, he opened it and read through it. When he reached the end, he cursed, and disappeared, leaving only a few clumps of dirt.
For the denizens of Iwagakure- especially the Genin who dreamed of one day becoming the future heirs to their leader's jutsu- it was always an awe inspiring treat to see the Tsuchikage flying across the village. To the older shinobi, espeically ones who'd survived the Third Ninja War, it was a sight that brought fear to their hearts. The only other time they'd seen him fly at top speed over the rooftops of their beloved village was when Jiraiya of the Sannin, the Yellow Flash, and Konoha's ranged weapon specialist Takeshi Satoshi- along with a massive storage scroll- had appeared at the front gates with a missive from the Hokage wishing for a cease fire.
It was well known that Konoha had wished to end the fighting, and while the mission was a diplomatic one, sending those three was a clear threat to the Tsuchikage should he refuse. With a major powerhouse like Jiraiya being there to distract Oonoki, Minato, Satoshi, and that massive scroll could easily lay waste to their village's forces. Anything that wasn't killed by the Kunai Tidal Wave-which most likely consisted of thousands of Hiraishin kunai- would easily be finished off by the Yellow Flash.
Oonoki was well aware of all of this, but from the urgency of the missive, he knew he had to act quickly. Landing in the messenger office- and holding back a wince at the loud pop from his hip- he turned to one of his black ops ninja. "Well, what's with the emergency summons."
"Tsuchikage- sama, we have confirmed several rumors that we have been looking into." A man in a bear mask stated.
The Tsuchikage glared, annoyed that he'd been called to the message center for an urgent memo. "This had better not be about Sarutobi being a pervert. It's not exactly a secret, especially considering the fact that the author of the Icha Icha series is his student, and Konoha gets a shipment of the books weeks before they go on sale."
"No sir, these are more relevant rumors, ones that can have very...dire, consequences for the shinobi world, and us in particular." While it would have been more prudent for the man to come to him, if it was as urgent as the man made it seem, time constraints would be better met if he, the faster shinobi, made the trip.
"Speak." The tiny, aged man said. "Hurry, before my hip gives out on me again."
"Sir, the rumors of the Yellow Flash having had a child have been all but confirmed." He said. "Black ops passing through Wave Country recently came across a boy who bared a very striking resemblance."
"How striking? " The man said, cautiously. It wouldn't do to act on too little information.
"The same exact eyes, and nearly exact same hair, as well as numerous facial features." The man said, causing the Tsuchikage to glare.
The look he gave paused the old Kage. That he showed a reaction that spoke of a fear greater than anything his Kage could come up with got his attention. "What are you not telling me?"
"There is more information on the boy." He said. "Apparently, the Yondaime didn't kill the Kyuubi as was reported. He sealed the beast into the boy." The Tsuchikage's face took on a look of almost horror.
"So not only is he the child of the Yellow Flash, but he is a Jinchuuriki as well? " The man growled. The only person that could possibly match a child like that would be Roushi or Han. Han had mysteriously disappeared three years ago, and Roushi'd long since retired, and dropped of into seclusion.
"Sir, there's more." The small kage looked at him wide eyed.
'Could this get any worse?' Oonoki then winced as he realized that when it came to Konoha, and anything dealing with the Yellow Flash, it probably could.
"We have just recently learned that he is also of Uzumaki descent." The aged man almost fainted.
"How sure are we of this?" Oonoki asked.
"Well, a couple decades ago there were reports of an Uzumaki girl being brought to Konoha at Mito-san's request only a few weeks before her death. This young woman was also romantically linked to Namikaze."
Not only had Minato Namikaze reproduced...but with an Uzumaki as well? Oonoki frowned. This was an even greater disaster than his failing hips; the fact that their village's greatest nightmare had reproduced with an Uzumaki was the stuff of horror myths.
He still remembered the first time he met Hashirama, and the fear inducing presence kept hidden by his easygoing- seemingly dimwitted- nature. He also remembered the encounter he and his master had had with Madara Uchiha. They, along with his sensei had stringently warned him against saying or doing anything that would desturb Mito's private time with her children. That three men, who on paper were vastly superior to her in skill and power, warned him against annoying her...it gave him a real fear of both her and the clan, and was the main reason he declined aiding the strike against them just before the Third Shinobi War.
But that wasn't the worst part. Unlike many, he was well aware of what Mito was thanks to his teacher's sensing abilities. He was also able to connect the dots as to what this other Uzumaki female had likely been brought to the village for, especially since she arrived in the village more than a decade before Uzushiogakure's destruction. The fact that Minato Namikaze had reproduced with this same Uzumaki, and that said offspring had been made into a Jinchuuriki on the day of his birth? Maybe it was time that he upgraded that nonaggression pact with Konoha to a full on peace treaty; one that couldn't easily be broken. He'd have to talk to his son to see if he could pursuade Kurotsuchi to go along with a political marriage to Konoha's Uzumaki.
"Perhaps it is time to pay my old rival Sarutobi a visit." The man smirked. "Do we have any Genin ready to be promoted?"
"Yessir, I'll send for a few teams."
"Make sure Kurotsuchi's team is amongst them." The man nodded.
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In Kirigakure...
Mei Terumi was new to the Kage role, and if she were honest, she knew that the main reason she'd been chosen, was due to her being both the leader of the rebels, and easily one of the strongest ninja in the village. A week into the job, and she was already regretting the decision to take the position when it had been offered. Not only was Kage work boring, and the paperwork stressful, but the time consuming job also preventd her from finding suitable husband. She really should have known this would happen when she'd regretted taking the leadership of the rebels barely a week after doing so, and having to deal with all of the extra crap that came with it. While not a loose cannon like the originator of the rebellion, one Zabuza Momochi, his successor Toka had been an incompetent strategist. Still, he was really good at beaurocratic nonsense, and with a minor flash of cleavage- which her chosen attire easily provided- he was always willing to take strategic advice from her.
"Could this day get any worse? " She muttered to herself. She cursed a moment later when she realized what she'd just done. 'As if I need to bring any more attention to myself from that crazy bitch.'
"Mizukage- sama, we have terrible news." A Chuunin said as he burst into the office. "We just received a missive from Zabuza Momochi of all people."
'I just had to ask.' Mei thought. "What is it, Kiro?"
"Zabuza- kun? " She asked perking up. Zabuza had been the first man she'd ever fallen in love with, and she'd been highly upset when he'd left. Worst yet, she couldn't lift his Nuke- nin status without the Council making a big stink about it. Regardless of him sparking the change that the village obviously needed, he'd still committed a capital offense. "What did he want?"
Her frustration was evident, and the Chuunin began to sweat. When the inhumanly sexy redhead was angry or frustrated, bad things happened to the person responsible.
"We've just been informed that an Uzumaki still lives." He said. Had the Mizukage been anyone else, the reaction, paling in pure terror, would have been obvious. For this one, however, there was a mixed opinion.
It was true Mei Terumi had grown up on horror stories about that clan, and the Flee on Sight order was still in effect, even now after they'd been gone for more than two decades. However, like Haku, Mei had also been informed of the benefits of being the lover of an Uzumaki. Maybe she could kill two birds with one stone. If she played her cards right, she'd get to leave this annoying job and its paperwork, create a steady alliance for her village, and get the ultimate lover all in one shot. Pulling out a blank scroll, she began writing up an alliance via marriage, with the specific stipulation that she and the Uzumaki be the two to wed.
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In Otogakure...
"Orochimaru- sama, I bring grave news." A Jounin said, just before a sword pierced his chest. Luckily, it missed all of the vital organs, and as long as he didn't move, he'd survive...if the sadistic man in front of him allowed it that is.
"That was the wrong kind of news I wanted to hear, but I'll let you report it." The Snake said. "It may amuse me."
"Sir, the invasion has been compromised." Orochimaru glared, before ordering him to continue. "Sir, we've just received word that Konoha has been harboring an Uzumaki."
Unlike the other village leaders, Orochimaru was quite ill-informed of the notorious clan. The Uzumaki and Uzushiogakure had always been allies of Konoha, and therefore the Leaf had never had to face them in battle. They also didn't have a visible bloodline that he knew of- that they all possessed some level of the legendary chakra prowess and lifeforce that the Shodai did wasn't very well known- so were of no importance to him. Besides, he already knew that Konoha had an Uzumaki, and both she and her brat died in childbirth (1).
"Sorry, but your information fails to amuse me." The sword moved swiftly up the man's body, and through his skull. Not listening to the man's advice would be the biggest mistake that Orochimaru ever made.
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In Konohagakure
"Okay, let me see if I have this straight." Hiruzen said. "You engaged the Demon Brothers, and learned that the C-rank I gave you had been bumped up to A-rank, but you continued." He glared at Kakashi, and the man knew he was going to be reprimanded later. "Then you encountered Zabuza Momochi, and fought him until this young lady intervened." Here he motioned to Haku.
The mission debrief continued in this vein, including the 'training', or lack there of, that Kakashi had given the team; and he was going to have to have a serious discussion with Kakashi about his severe ereliction of duty in regards to his students' growth in the ninja arts. He was rather curious about the meeting between Naruto and Haku during the week that both Kakashi and Zabuza were indisposed. It would seem that Naruto had certainly gained his father's ability to make friends.
The intitial battle on the incompleted bridge had been much of what he expected. Things were going...not poorly, but not good. It was to be expected of rookie Genin, especially poorly trained ones, regardless of the young Uchiha's natural talent. It was Naruto's arrival, his announcement, and Zabuza's sudden decision to flee that truly had him curious and seeking clarification. There were also the conflicting reactions of the two former Mist-nin; namely Zabuza's desire to be as far away from Naruto as possible, compared to the young lady's desire to be as close to him as possible, and her decision to follow him back to Konoha. Before that, however, was the villagers' reaction to Naruto's name...
"-and when you got back to the bridge builder's house, his adult daughter- who already had one child only four years their junior- offered to have Naruto's children; as many as he desired, all because he's an Uzumaki."
"Hokage-sama, if I may?" The Hokage nodded. "The Uzumaki have something of a legend surrounding them. My belief, is that as a result of having never had a hostile encounter with the clan, no one from Konoha understands just how dangerous, or special, that clan is."
"If you could please explain." Sarutobi requested.
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Legacy of the Uzumaki...
The Uzumaki clan had always been feared, nearly as much as the Senju and Uchiha. When they settled in Whirlpool Country, and created the Whirlpool Village, many other shinobi families and clans flocked to join their village in much the same way clans were joining the Senju-Uchiha alliance. When it became known that the Senju and Uzumaki were allied, it only added to the prestige. Now, as an island nation, they of course had a shipping port, and because their merchant ships were strengthened and enhanced with seals created by the Uzumaki clan, they were able to get merchants to and from trading ports much faster than normal shipping vessels. This lead to them being one of the leading shipping ports.
Kirigakure was also a village who had a strong merchant shipping trade system. The problem was that Uzushio was getting far more business from potential clients because of their superior ships. There was also a lot of bad blood between the two villages that came as a result of the incident with the Seven Swordsmen, their swords, and that Uzumaki merchant. Looking to get rid of their competition in the shipping industry, as well as to remove Konoha's strongest ally, Hidden Mist formed an alliance with Hot Springs village- who was also looking to get rid of port competition- and the latter's ally Frost.
Shortly before the Third Shinobi War started, the three villages attacked Whirlpool.
A testament to the strength of the village, was that while Whirlpool was completely destroyed, so too were the Frost and Hot Springs armies, and a good chunk of Kiri's military were lost in the fighting.
After the Uzumaki were destroyed, the Sandaime Mizukage became fearful of the rumors that began to surface of an Uzumaki in Konoha. The fact that she, and several other, Uzumaki had survived the genocide of the clan was cause for worry. The reason why there weren't secret assassination attempts, was because of Mist's previous encounters with the clan. Pissed off Uzumaki were to be avoided at all costs, and the fear that the surviving Uzumaki would be pissed off enough to seek retribution against those that had destroyed their home and family kept them from doing anything further against the remaining stragglers of the clan.
As a matter of diplomatic safety, the Flee on Sight order became mandatory SOP when encountering anyone bearing the Uzumaki Clan symbol, the trademark Uzumaki hair, or the name Uzumaki.
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"I see." Sarutobi said. Konoha had actually had an alliance with Whirlpool Country, and had been shocked when word of the country's destruction had arrived mere hours before the messenger for assistance had even arrived. As a result, Kushina, who had been sent years earlier to take over the role of Kyuubi Jinchuuriki, had been one of the very few survivors of her home country's destruction.
Oddly enough, Sasuke couldn't help find himself warming up to Naruto after hearing about his clan's massacre; though he was a little jealous of how well Naruto's family had held up against their attackers compared to his own. He did find it odd that Naruto- while quite obviously saddened by the news- didn't decide to seek vengeance against those who had taken part, and decided that he would talk to the blond about why he didn't become an avenger like himself.
"Well, Naruto." Sarutobi said smiling. "It would seem that one of the precautions I took in your stead may no longer be necessary. I believe it is time that you were told who your parents were. Kakashi, would you please escort Sasuke, Sakura, and Miss Haku out? I believe that this information should remain classified for now...at least until the Chuunin exams. Your father had many enemies, and not all of them may be cowed by the legacy your mother's clan left behind."
"You have my word that I would never betray my master's secrets." The dark haired beauty began. "But if Naruto-sama wills it, then I will go."
"No, she's cool jiji." Sarutobi nodded, and waited until an annoyed Sasuke, and a bristling Sakura were escorted out.
"Okay, I will begin by telling you their names, and then I will give you the items they left in my care for when you were older." Sarutobi said. "Your parents, were Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze."
Naruto had to struggle not to faint. Now Haku wasn't a profane person, but her thoughts at the moment was anything but the purity that normally dwelled there.
'Hell fuckin yeah!' She thought. 'He's the child of an Uzumaki and the Yellow Flash...Jackpot!'
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Back in Kiri...
Mei Terumii felt a shiver run up her spine as she signed her name to the marraige document. She didn't know what had happened, but the feeling she'd just gotten told her that this plan of her's was a good idea.
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Madara frowned as he read the missive from one of his contacts in Water Country. After intercepting and copying a message for the new Mizukage from Zabuza Momochi, he'd hastened to send word after sending the message on its way to its original destination. It would appear that the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki had finally become a ninja, and left the protection of Konoha; but that was where the good news ended. Not only was the boy who now housed the fox a Jinchuuriki, but he was the son of Minato Namikaze, and...shudder...an Uzumaki. Madara did not like having to deal with the Uzumaki. In his long life, he'd had many dealings with them, and all of the violent ones had turned out badly.
The very first time he'd seen the Uzumaki in action was during the old clan wars, before the Hidden Village system. While the Uchiha and the Senju were considered the strongest, the Uzumaki could be considered the most dangerous, as they were the ultimate secret weapons. They were rarely ever seen on the battlefield, but their presence was always felt, and whenever they were forced to fight, their enemies never fought for long. He'd never told anyone this, but the reason that he'd chosen to agree to Hashirama's village idea, was because the man had mentioned an alliance with the Uzumaki. He hadn't wanted to take any chances about ending up experiencing some of the horror stories he'd heard.
Even Hashirama was of the distinct opinion that anyone who thought the Uchiha or Senju were the deadliest clan of the era, hadn't pissed off the Uzumaki. After all, the Uchiha would just walk into your home, wreck your shit and anyone else who tried to stop, then leave without a scratch. The Senju, being more honorable would write your name down, and when they next encountered you on the battlefield, they'd wreck your shit to all hell, before reminding you of why they did it as a warning not to do so again. The Uzumaki...they'd go home, create a blood seal that was seven parts scarring and three parts suffering. Then they'd hire someone to get a sample of your blood, and use it to activate their seal before going on with their lives. They'd be causing you maximum suffering without ever having to see your face again.
He still remembered the story a drunk Hashirama had told him- one he'd heard from his wife- about how an Uzumaki had wiped out the Oonishi clan- who were a fairly strong ninjutsu clan that almost rivaled the Uchiha in that discipline- by sterilizing the offending party, and every one of his descendants. That said offending party was the Clan Head, and all but three members of the clan- who'd married in- were of his loins either directly or indirectly caused them to be completely annihilated.
The first time he'd experienced that horror had been when he'd fought Hashirama at the Valley of the End. He had challenged the Shodai to mortal combat for the title of Hokage, and lost horribly. It wasn't that Hashirama had completely outclassed him- though he could admit that Hash was better than him- no, it was the psychological advantage that his new wife had given him. At the beginning of the fight, he'd summoned the Kyuubi to help him, and give him an advantage. Mito Senju nee Uzumaki ruined that plan. As soon as the Kyuubi appeared, she attacked it. He hadn't seen what happened, given that he was busy with Hashi-kun, but what he did know was that he'd heard the massive fox whimper in pain several times, before disappearing completely.
The second time had been when he'd first encountered Kushina Uzumaki after the Kyuubi had been sealed inside her. She was a new Chuunin at the time, and he hadn't thought she would pose him too much of a problem in a fight. He was wrong. While he didn't remember the details of the battle- having deeply suppressed them under about forty layers of Sharingan based blockades- he was aware of certain decisions and precautions that came about as a result of it.
First was that the creation of his incorporeality jutsu came as a direct result of that fight. Second, was that he'd firmly decided to wait until she gave birth to make another attempt on the Kyuubi. Third, and this was the most important one, was a solemn vow to never engage an Uzumaki in combat ever again...especially if they were a fucking Jinchuuriki. Finally, Uzumaki were extremely durable.
This was further proven when he'd been able to get the drop on Kushina's birthing party, kidnap the fiery redhead, and extract the Kyuubi. Not only had she survived the extraction, but she still had enough in her to not only curse him out in such a way as to make him question his own pedigree, upbringing, and sexuality, but he later learned that after her boyfriend kicked his ass (and leave it to her to hook up with the one guy who could get around his jutsu, and kick his ass as thoroughly as Hashi used to), she had used her special chakras to restrain the Kyuubi while Minato sealed it into a new vessel.
And now he finds out the Kyuubi was not only sealed into an Uzumaki, but the offspring of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze. Screw that. No plan, no matter how masterful or great an achievement, was worth dealing with an Uzumaki Jinchuuriki again. Oh well, time to break the news to the troops. Dusting himself off, he activated his Swirly no Jutsu, and was gone.
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At the Akatsuki base...
"Greetings everyone, my name is Tobi, and I have some rather bad news for you all." Madara said. "It has just come to Tobi's attention that Tobi and friends have been on a suicidal, trainwreck of a course for many years now. It would seem that one of Tobi and friend's targets happens to be far too dangerous for this organization to proceed as Tobi and friends had planned; and since all of Tobi and friends' plans hinged on capturing the Biju, it would seem that Tobi and friends are left without a purpose. Tobi is therefore forced to disband the Akatsuki."
"Okay, what the fuck?" Hidan, the newest recruit, exclaimed.
"The Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki has been officially deemed uncapturable." Madara explained.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of a little brat." Kisame said. "From what I here, the brat's a green, no talent Genin, and I'm sure that any of us could capture him without even using any of our unique talents."
"You're welcome to try and capture your target, Kisame-san." Madara teased. "But I should warn you that not only is he the Jinchuuriki for the Kyuubi, but he's also an Uzumaki."
Every face, except Itachi's, paled at the statement. The blue man's reaction was one that no one expected. Kisame Hoshigaki, The Monster of Hidden Mist, assassinator of a Daimyo, his family, and all forty of their bodyguards, and all around badass, screamed in terror, and began sobbing. Why you may ask? He'd seen first hand what an Uzumaki is capable of. He'd been forced to watch as his Anbu Captain was dismantled, disected, and relieved of three limbs by this tiny waif of a redhead Chuunin named Uzumaki.
For the first time anyone other than Konan had seen ever, Pain, a.k.a. Leader-sama, a.k.a Nagato's face showed emotion. And that emotion was relief. They had just dodged the biggest bullet anyone had ever thought possible. Given an Uzumaki's natural potential, the boy would have been a handful, but if you give that same Uzumaki the power of the Kyuubi to wield...well, there was stupid, suicidal, and too dumb to be allowed to live. Maybe it was time he tried to do right by the village that he was now the leader of. Yes, that was his new path, and his first act as a true leader...forming an alliance with Konoha and the Uzumaki; maybe offer him some training. Turning to Konan, he nodded, and both left without another word.
"I-I'll pass." Kisame said sniffling. Itachi, who knew exactly who they were talking about, couldn't believe the way these idiots were acting.
"You're supposed to be S-class criminals." He said, finally. "You people are pathetic, I'm going home. I'd rather deal with my foolish, asexual, bishie brother than you idiots."
"Hey, Itachi, wait up, un." Deidara said. Itachi did't stop, but he slowed long enough for Deidara to catch up. "You think they'd let me in?" Itachi raised a single brow.
"Why do you care?" He asked simply. "I thought you hated everything to do with Uchiha, now you want to join a village whose founding clans included them?"
"Well, I can't go home, and being a Missing-nin without a purpose is kind of boring." He replied. Itachi glared. "Okay, so I don't want to chance ending up on the wrong side of an Uzumaki either, so sue me."
"Whatever." He said, turning to leave. The others all looked at each other, shrugged, and decided to follow the Uchiha prodigy. Deidara did have a point after all.
Standing all alone in the empty cave, Madara Uchiha sat and sighed. All these years waiting, all this time planning, and all the many subtle manipulations wasted. All because that bastard Yondaime had to seal the fucking Kyuubi inside of an Uzumaki brat. Maybe it was time to finally head home himself, and check on his progeny; both sets of them. Last time he'd seen his granddaughter, she'd been a young Chuunin. She'd looked so adorable with her little Chuunin vest. Word through the grapevine was that his granddaughter had finally made Jounin, and had a squad of her own.
And thus, Naruto defeated Akatsuki without having ever fought a single member...but that's not the end of this story...not by a long shot.
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1. This is based off of Orochimaru's reaction to Naruto in the Forest of Death.
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I was bored, this is the result of that boredom.