Disclaimer: I have no excuse for this. Just be glad I don't own Naruto, or any of these chapters could have been canon.
Title: It's a thing
Summary: In which Sasuke breaks the fourth wall and makes out like an Uzumaki, Naruto gets a harem, and Sakura is a Tsundere in denial.
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"You want to say that again?" Sakura deadpanned. "I don't think I quite heard you over the sound of disbelief wailing in my ears."
"I said that Naruto should, and likely would, end up with a harem of the girls in our age group," Sasuke repeated. "-and potentially a few women from foreign lands that he's made extremely good impressions on."
"And just how do you expect us to be convinced of that?" Ino asked, not really protesting. After all, while he may not exactly be on her top five list, he'd definitely been on her radar since he'd saved the village from Pein.
"You know how I can dimension hop with my eye?" Everyone nodded. "Well, I went a bit further than I thought, and ended up in a world where we're manga characters."
"So what happened to us was a story about your life there?" Everyone turned to Sakura with raised brows. "What?"
Ino shook her head in disbelief. "For such a braniac, you can say and do some of the dumbest stuff, Sakura."
"What? Out of all of us, who else besides Sasuke-kun would someone make a manga series about?"
"Sakura, we were all part of a shounen series." Sasuke asked, wondering if she really was that clueless, or if she was forcing herself into that state of denial. "Who's life amongst us, when you really think about it, plays out like a shounen series protagonist's?
"Naruto." Shikamaru answered with a frustrated sigh, and only just stopping himself from adding 'troublesome'. "A boy with an unnatural power and gift/curse, but with an unknown backstory that's only hinted at. Hated by everyone for most of his life, but vows to become loved. Saved the village from complete destruction on two separeate occasions, and the world at least once. He's a certified hero three times over. His background is initially shrouded in mystery, but gets revealed later in life, and it turns out he's practically royalty on both sides of his family by shinobi standards."
"That still doesn't explain why you think he should have a harem, or why we should be in it." Sakura said, admitting that Naruto's life being the subject of a manga was a fair point. It would certainly explain how he could make loyal friends out of at least 80 percent of the people he'd fought.
"Actually, it does." Tenten corrected as she considered things, being an afficionado for all kinds of manga, though harem manga was her favorite. "If we look at this as Naruto being the main character of a shounen series, then based on everyone he knows, he qualifies. If you look at the rest of us as supporting characters of various importance, then we all pretty much fit a mold."
"Okay, I'm lost." Chouji admitted. Unlike the others, he didn't read a lot of manga, and the only one he did keep up with was based on food, and he didn't think Soma fit the mold enough to make sense of what they were saying.
"Well, Sasuke is obviously the uncatchable rival, both in general terms, as well as for the affection of a girl." Tenten lectured. "The one he's eventually supposed to surpass eventually, which I'm guessing he did."
Sasuke nodded, so Tenten continued.
"Kiba was a minor one sided rival that Naruto surpassed early, and who became a great friend. Sandaime-sama, Jiraiya-sama, and Iruka-sensei were the male role model figures that showed he's cared for, and helps set him down the path he eventually travels. Even Shikamaru, Shino, Lee, and Chouji fit a shounen side character mold."
"Okay, but how does that equate to a harem?" Sakura grumbled.
"Well, if you think of it as a harem shounen, and then remember that most harems have certain positions that are guaranteed, and that us girls all embody one or another, it's plausible."
"This I have to hear." Ino said. "Not that I'm disagreeing, but I'd like to hear how we all fit."
"I'm obviously the tomboy, who wants to prove she's as tough as the boys." Tenten admitted. "Temari and Kurotsuchi, if they're interested, could probably fit the stereotype as tough bitches who aren't into all of the super girly crap, with a minor tsundere undertone as well.
Hinata is the shy, crush type, who eventually becomes confident and able to confess to the protagonist. She's also the first half of the main protagonist shipping war, and most popular choice for him. Tender, caring, unconditional love, the prototypical waifu. Though she does sometimes have a very light perverted streak that she keeps hidden, but that gets played up in fanfiction.
Granted I haven't seen her do it with Naruto, but Ino's tendency for gratuitous flirting and teasing is well known. That's why she would fit the role of the girl who spends the most time trying to make the protagonist blush or react, but more often than not, ends up in situations that both make her do those things and steadily increases her attraction and desire for the protagonist. Once she realizes how many girls are after the protagonist, she's usually the one who jokingly suggests the harem while teasingly flirting with the other girls to make them back off. She'd also be the one stunned when the others agree, despite the fact that she's conastantly giving very real, and legit reasons while playing up the harem idea. Now that I think about it, Karin kind of fits this pattern too, but I'm not sure she's interested in him.
Ramen girl is the older sister type, who could easily become a potential love interest, and is usually the responsible one in charge of making things run smoothly and helping to prevent infighting in the fledgling harem.
Sakura," Here, Tenten paused, and gave the girl in question a mischievous smirk. "-Sakura is the tsundere main heroine who constantly abuses the protagonist to hide her conflicted feelings. She's also the obvious second half of the main shipping war for the protagonist, but the one whom most fans don't like for him, despite the obvious closeness and chemistry because of the chronic, and often times undeserved violence. Now that I think about it, if this does happen, you're just as much obligated to be an addition for Naruto's harem as Hinata is."
"What? How do you figure that?" Sakura protested.
"Let's face it Sakura," Ino teased "-you're Akane Tendo and Naru Narusegawa rolled into one, and every shounen harem has to have a tsundere. You did this to yourself, so you have no one else to blame."
"See, it all fits." Sasuke agreed.
"I'm game if Sakura doesn't want him." Ino teased, deciding what the hell, and playing up the role she supposedly fit a little. "Hell, I'm game even if she does."
"You'll have to get permission from Hinata first." Shikamaru reminded them. "Technically, she's got dibs."
Hinata, who'd been silently contemplating things during the conversation, finally spoke up with her face burning red, and unintentionally proving Tenten correct. "K-Kage Bunshin."
"What does that-" Sakura started, but was interrupted.
Ino's face scrunched up in thought, before asking. "Does anyone know how many he can truly create at once?"
"I saw him do 2K once, and then a boss summon, but that was during the invasion of our first Chuunin Exam, so I don't know what the number is now." Sasuke revealed. "I do know that the group he created to Reverse Harem Jutsu Kaguya all had chakra stores higher than all the current Gokage combined."
"I'd have to get to know him better from a romantic standpoint, but I'm definitely willing to give it a shot." Tenten volunteered.
Karin gave a slightly perverted grin. "Uzumaki Clan resurrection is possible, so I'm in. And let's face it, with his stamina, you kids are going to need a borderline nympho with a huge chakra well."
'Muahaha, and father said there was nothing useful to be gained from reading manga.' Sasuke thought. 'Just call me Sasuke Belia Deviluke.'
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Once all the girls had walked off in search of Naruto, Shikamaru turned to Sasuke.
"So why did you really manufacture evidence to set Naruto up with a harem?"
"Because I'd prefer not being virtually romantically hunted by a violent tsundere type, who has the temperatment and temper to potentially enter yandere territory." Sasuke freely admitted. "I'd also prefer to take a miss on what all signs point to is a nymphomaniac Uzumaki; the fact that she even said something to the effect only makes me worry more. Could you take being the target of a nympho who has kage level stamina, odd kinks, and a touch of the Uzumaki crazy?"
"Okay, fair point," Shikamaru agreed. "-but why Ino and Tenten? Ino is over you, and Tenten was never that interested in you in the first place."
"Ask yourself two questions. Who has she moved on to, and who is she liable to spend hours bitching to about her idiotic, socially retarded paramour?"
Indeed, who was Ino liable to bitch to about Sai when he screwed up some social normality that even Naruto, who had the excuse of having to virtually raise himself from a young age, wouldn't have screwed up?
"Good call."
"And what about Tenten?" Lee asked.
"Have you ever seen your teammate get a happy?" Sasuke replied. Lee paled, remembering the things that got her hot were explosions, pointies, and turning things into pin cusions. "Now imagine if she decided to find out if there were any perverted connotations that could be applied to exploding youth."
Lee became paler than Sai. Besides, even if Lee did have a crush on Tenten, she was too traumatized by their sensei's youth to not try and end said condition in Lee. On the other hand, Shikamaru was aware of a certain Inuzuka heiress who thought it was just adorable, and was more than a bit curious about what kinda stamina came with all that Youth. He'd heard Kibi bitch about his sister's romantic interests enough times to get the gist of that interest.
"Oh, and Shikamaru, if you and Temari are a thing, definitely good on you. She's the epitome of a good kunoichi, strong willed, and as deadly as she is insanely sexy. If not, and you want to avoid being married to a woman like your mother, I would suggest talking to Gaara about the guys he'd trust his sister's heart to. From what I've heard, you and Naruto are on the short list."
Shikamaru nodded, resolving to give the situation some real thought before moving forward. There were pros and cons to either path, most of which had been mentioned by the Uchiha. In many ways, Temari was both his ideal wife, and the exact type of wife he'd hoped to avoid ever since he was old enough to truly understand the nuggets of wisdom his father had always given him about relationships.
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In case you missed it, yes, Sasuke is channeling Momo Deviluke from To Love-Ru, and he's initiating his own harem plan to get rid of his fangirls; or at least divert Sakura and Karin's attention away from him. While decent enough friends, their kind of crazy isn't something he wants to deal with in a relationship.