Hi, so sorry for not uploading in a while, I had this writers block thing going on and since I was able to finish this I really hope that situation is gone too but I guess I won't know until I just keep writing things so that's what I'll do. With ever "" you see, a few years pass, decide for yourself how many you want that to be, you'll figure it out. Love, Stupidlookingstrawberry

23. Asariel

I need to go to Bella's practice, my back is hurting. But if I don't show up, Aubrey will go crazy and I can't have that, I have enough problems as it is. So I make my way through the door and plop down on my chair, smiling at my girlfriend Chloe, I'm late, as always, Blondezilla should be happy I even showed up. Like Kanye West said you should be honoured by my lateness. Aubrey is saying things but I can't even listen, I can practically feel my skin being ripped apart and I'll tell you what, it's not a pleasant feeling. I cross my arms and stare off into the nothingness, trying to hold it together. I'm trying so hard to keep a straight face, to not break and I can barely do it, I'm twitching, constantly shaking, why now? is all that flashes through my mind. Sweat appears on my forehead and I can feel blood seeping through my shirt, this is a hopeless case, I shouldn't have been so reckless. I bow my head and slam my eyes shut, I need to concentrate, everything around me fades and I'm in my own world. I slip off my chair and fall to my knees, a soft whimper escapes my lips. Moving hurts but I have to try and get this jacket off, that'll make this slightly easier. My hands frantically grip the thing, trying to rip it apart, just get it off of me! The whimpers of pain are now louder and they get even louder, I can't do this anymore. I wish I could just pass out but I know I won't, this is all to punish me for being so lousy. Tears stream down my face and I'm biting my lip so hard, it's drawing blood. I'm downright screaming in pain. Something's touching me, someone's touching me! I can't help but scream "GET OFF!" and I form a little ball with my body, waiting for this to be over. I know this part, the pain is slowly becoming less and I feel something soft aiding hurt. It's like morphine, in some weird way, a wave of relieve washes over me and I take deep breaths. I try to get up but feel my legs are too wobbly to stand on, so I spread my wings and with one soft movement I'm standing again. I look around me, realising where I am and with who I am. All the Bella's are either shocked or crying, but mostly both and I'm sorry. The sight makes me feel weak and I can't help but fall to my knees again, burying my face in my hands and letting the tears flow freely. I close my wings behind me and sigh when I feel the soft feathers brushing my back. These girls don't deserve the horror that is me, they shouldn't have to be around a failure like me. I don't deserve friends like them and most certainly not a wonderful person like Chloe as my girlfriend.

"Beca?" someone's speaking, addressing me in my human name, so I look up and see Chloe slowly come closer, I'm guessing she's the one that spoke. My first instinct is to correct her but I stop myself, I don't want to confuse them any further.

So I mumble a soft "yes?" and hold my hand out for her to take, I need some comfort right now and thank God she takes it "I'm sorry" I mumble again "I didn't mean to shout" she then throws her arms around me and holds me tight, for a while, at least long enough for everyone to calm down a little and take their seat again. I take place in front of the group and start with apologizing

"I'm sorry" I say as I stand before my friends "I'm sorry I wasn't able to trust you enough to reveal such a big part of me" I take a deep breath and smile at the girls "I believe we haven't formally met, so Hi, my name is Asariel and as you can probably tell, I'm not from here" they probably won't even believe me, although, the wings are hard proof "and I came here for a chance to redeem myself, but I messed up, like always, you just say me being punished for messing up" Amy seems to want to say something but I need to finish this "but it also gave me no choice but to trust you and with that I learned a valuable lesson and with that I'm able to return home" now they can speak.

"so wait" Fat Amy questions "why did you tell us that your name is Beca?"

"it's my birth name"

"so, why do you tell us your name is Asariel" Amy is still not sure, but I'm sure this is gonna sound weird

"well Amy, good question, I got that name after I died, a day after I turned 18. I went to heaven, and God gave me a second chance"

"God" Stacy is sceptic, I see that they all are

I nod, "yes, when I was human I never believed in Her existence but I'm gonna tell you something my mom used to tell me, she always said someone dies young because God needs new angels. I thought this was bullshit but then it happened to me and I met Her, yes, God is a woman, yeah, I don't know either man. But I met Her and she told me she needed my help, there was this kid who needed my guidance, this little girl didn't trust anyone, she was always afraid to get hurt and so she didn't let anyone in and was always alone" a single tear rolls down my cheek at the memory "that little girl was me, somehow She had managed to make me help myself, I died nonetheless. But after that I was named Asariel, angel of trust"

"but shorty, why are you here then" why is everybody so calm, I mean, thank God they are but why? Amy is even using one of her many nicknames for me, like it's a normal everyday thing.

"I lost faith" I look down at my hands as I speak again, I'm ashamed of my actions. Chloe takes my hand in hers "I was unable to trust, how am I supposed to help others trust when I'm not even able to do it myself?" I spread my wings and look up again "but you guys helped me, and now I can resume my work, so thank you for being the idiots that you are"

"are you…" Chloe speaks and I look at her beautiful face, I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did and I don't regret it "are you leaving?" oh no, Chloe is gonna cry, I quickly take her face in my hands and put my lips on hers

"yes Chloe, I'm sorry, but I need you to know that we'll always find each other, I will always come back to you" and she nods "I trust you with all of me, do you trust me?" she nods again

"yes I trust you" she rests her forehead on mine and I gaze into her eyes, Aubrey tells all the Bella's to move out, giving us a little privacy. It's hard, saying goodbye, it's hard to leave. But I do, after thousands of promises and a lot of talking, I leave. I'm going home, and from there I'll see what happens, but I'll always keep an eye on Chloe.

I love my job, don't get me wrong, I love helping other trust again, because it makes people's lives better and I'm glad to help. But years have passed since I left Chloe and I miss her so much, I'm on the roof of her apartment building now, I really want to go in and hug her but I know I shouldn't, it'll only stop the girl from moving on and living a happy life. So I don't go in, I keep my distance.

Chloe's dating again, that's good, maybe she'll find a good man to start a family with. I need to leave, Chloe is doing fine. She doesn't need me, she's over me and that's good, I should be happy about that. but there's a selfish part in me, part of me wants her to keep loving me and part of me wants her to wait for me but I know I can't ask that of her. Even if she'd give us a chance, I will always have to leave, I am dead after all, and this is the world of the living. This is not my home anymore and it won't ever be my home again, but I have faith. I trust that this whole situation will turn out great, because if Chloe will never be mine, at least she'll have someone who makes her happy, someone who'll treat her right.

I was right, about Chloe finding the right person for her. She's getting married, right this moment actually, to Dave. I took the time to put my present on the pile, somewhere in the back, so she finds it last. It's just a little something to maybe help her out in the future, I'll tell you, but you better keep your mouth shut. It's a necklace with a cross with angel wings pendant, I know, very cliché but what is written on the thing is beautiful, it says "God has perfect timing, trust Her" and I think it's simply beautiful, but that might just be me. I'm standing in the back of the church, it's hard to remain unnoticed when I'm in all white with big ass wings folded on my back, I even have the circle of light floating above my head but somehow I managed. Today will be the perfect day for Chloe and I will do nothing to ruin it, if anything, I'll try to make it better, I had a talk with my good friend God and She agreed to help me out. So when they go out and have the after party, there are gonna be so many stars visible, the sky will just light up. I've seen it once before and I have to say, it looks truly magnificent.

I have to take back what I said before, Chloe did not find the one, hell, if he's the one I'm not dead. The fucker cheated on her, I swear to God, I will try my best to get his cheating ass send to Hell when he dies. He made Chloe sad, he hurt her worse than I did. I can feel it, the hurt that Chloe is experiencing right now makes her so cautious around new people. This woman is not the one I met when I walked around in the activities fair at Barden, the one that was fun, outgoing, and always ignoring personal boundaries, the Chloe that wore her heart on her sleeve. No, Chloe doesn't trust anyone with her feelings, she keeps close to herself and it pains me to see her do that because that isn't how she's supposed to be, she's supposed to be fun and outgoing. But Chloe lost faith. She needs to heal, she needs to learn how to trust again, and I'm going to help her through this.

So here I am, in front of her apartment, waiting for her to open up. And then she does, she opens the door and I see her red, puffy eyes. Dried tears on her cheeks and a sad but surprised expression plastered on her face, she looks so beautiful, even now. "oh honey" I say and pull her in for a long hug, we'll talk later maybe, right now she needs to be comforted. I believe we stood there for what felt like an hour but was only 5 minutes, it was so good to have her in my arms again. But I have to let her go and as I do I pull her inside and plop us down on the couch, my arms still around her "I'm sorry I couldn't come by sooner, but honey I need you to know that I am here for you now and I'll always be here for you" I press a soft kiss on her hair and appreciate the moment, when Chloe speaks

"can you stay?" she asks, can I stay?

"I will do whatever it takes, even if it means staying here until the final breath. I'll go through Hell and back for you, just say the word" I chuckle "please don't though, I've heard it's not a nice place" this earns me a smile, I can feel Chloe smiling

"okay" is her answer, enough for now

I end up staying with her for a few months, long enough to get her back on track, to get her faith back. And it worked, even though it always seemed the opposite to me, Chloe still needed me and me showing that I still care did a lot of good things to her. Now she's 85, can you imagine, I couldn't. but I still think Chloe is the most beautiful thing on this earth, not for long though, I can feel it. Might be tonight, after tonight Chloe will be the most beautiful thing in heaven, she'll die peacefully in her sleep.

I go to the gates of heaven and wait for her there, I know I'm getting weird looks but I can't bring myself to care that much right now. there she is, in all her glory. She looks just like she did when we were together, and she's coming towards me. Just like all those years ago I put my arms around her and hold her like my life depends on it, sorry, wrong use of words. The point is that I lock her in my embrace and I don't plan of letting go soon. "took you long enough" I say with my face in her neck

She chuckles (and I swear it's the most beautiful sound in heaven and hell) and says with a smile "sorry to keep you waiting" I can't wait to show her our new home, where I can spend the rest of my existence loving Chloe and making sure she gets the treatment of a queen, because that's what she deserves. I know she trusts me with herself and I will never betray that trust, because who would I be if I would, not a good angel of trust, I'd say.