Whoop whoop, enjoy
26. thank you for being you
Remember when I told you you'd never find peace as long as I'm around, I meant it. So the only thing that I could do without breaking you was to make sure I wasn't around, completely shutting you out would hurt worse, so I moved. Moved out of the states, to Europe, London to be precise. We still called, I wrote you letters, you always answered and it became clear to me that it wasn't working. You are still in love with me and you still miss me, quite frankly, I miss you too and I love you too. But that's not how it's supposed to go, you are supposed to get over me and find a good husband who you'll love. You need to save yourself from the destruction that I cause, I don't think I can handle you being hurt by my fault. I don't understand why you want someone like me, a misfit, a lowlife, a failure. So once again, I'm sorry. But this is the last letter I'll send, this is the last you'll hear from me.
Love,
B
I put down my pen and fold this last letter in two, as I go to post the thing I run into the person it's supposed to go to. You're here, in front of me, in all your glory. With your red hair, flowing down past your shoulder, almost glowing in the light that shines through the window. With your blue eyes, that sparkle in a way that only happens when you see me, eyes like the ocean so deep, I feel like I'm drowning in them. There's something not right though, because the usually happy flicker in those blue eyes is gone, replaced by a sad, almost dull look. I quickly stuff the letter in my pocket and open my arms to invite you in. I thought I could do it, but you standing here in front of me, slowly walking into my arms and letting the all the fears that were hold within out, I realize I can't do it. I can't lose you and I don't think you're ready to say goodbye either. I take you back to my place and sit us down on the couch, you have seemed to calm down a bit. You hand me a letter, silently telling me to read it, it's as short as mine but I'm afraid. But you came all the way here to give me this, so I take a deep breath and face the words.
Dear Beca,
I realize what is happening here, I see what you're doing. Maybe I should've seen it before, maybe then I could've stopped you before you even left. I think knew already, but I didn't want to face the truth, because as long as you were talking to me, as long as I could still hear your voice, even if it was just once a week, I was happy with that. But now I'm too scared to open your letters, afraid that this one will be the last. Afraid that that's the end and you'll disappear, I don't want you to go. I need you in my life, because you give it color, you are the reason I get up in the morning. And I know I never told you the way I really felt but I know you know, you know the debts of my love for you. Maybe if I keep saying it'll stop you from leaving, so I love you, I am in love with you. And if you let me, I am going to keep saying it forever. I'm begging you, please don't post that letter, please don't cut me off. I know that you have a lot of insecurities about how our relationship would work but I promise you, we can work it out. Please give us a chance,
Love,
Chloe.
"but ho- why?" I stumble over my words, tears find its way down my cheek "Why would someone like you want someone like me?! You can do so much better! You're way out of my league, what if one day you realize that I'm too low for you and you leave, I can't handle that"
You shake your head "don't you think it's for me to decide who is in my league, besides, I love You! I don't want anyone else, I just want you to be mine and as long as I have you, I'm going to be the happiest person alive" a hopeful smile rests on you face and I can't help but fall in love with you again, so I nod, and tell you yes, I'll give us a chance. Because I won't feel complete without you by my side, as much as I want to ignore that, I need you. I'll always need you and I'm so glad that you didn't give up on me.
You come closer and put your hands on my cheeks "I'm gonna kiss you now, okay"
I nod again, unable to form the words.