Hi, everyone! It's BlitzPrinzessin (Bree.) Hippie is in Maryland for the weekend, and so she gave me her fanfiction password so I could upload this chapter.
It's pure, pure crack, basically. This one's my favorite so far. It has Beatles references, Taffee who belongs on Maury, Emma the Frostypants, and in one chapter I'm going to make a Blogger Beware reference. You've been warned.
Since we didn't finish the chapter Thursday, I was assigned the job of pulling an ending out of my ass, and so I did. If you don't like it, cool story bro. It's a crackfic. It's supposed to be stupid.
The next chapter is the Halloween one, and so we have to figure out what exactly is going on and what everyone is dressing up as. I'm tempted to pull something stupid and make Bree dress up as America or Belarus. Because SHE CAN. Even though Hetalia never existed back then.
So yeah. Also, my birthday's in a few weeks, and if something is posted either late on the 28th or very early on the 29th, we were working on a chapter while everyone else at my party sleeps. kaybye.
THE MANSION'S FRONT YARD
By the way, America is the hero. And Poland has a pony army.
"Bree!"
Emma Frost, ice queen extraordinaire, was walking up to the mansion with a large box in her arms. She cradled it in the crook of her right as she used the left to wave to Bree, who was standing outside.
The two telepaths met in the middle of the pathway and Emma held the box out to her friend. "I was wondering if you could hide these in your room or something until the next copy is done," she said. "Azazel keeps snooping, I'm afraid he's going to find them, since he hasn't had the money for awhile."
Bree accepted the box, and, after opening the lid slightly to check what was inside, smiled. "Thanks, E," she said cheerfully, and then paused. "…You're staying for the reunion, right? I think my dad and I will need the extra help."
Emma nodded solemnly. "From what I heard, you'll really need it."
SOMEWHERE INSIDE THE MANSION. YAAAY, PARTY!
…Did you know that my mom was born in 1963? IT'S A SIGN. :D
Beast hugged his parents, who seemed highly amused by his fluffy blue fur. They were all chatting and getting along happily… unlike most of the other mutant parental units.
Alex's were fine, smiling at their son as he gestured to his girlfriend across the room.
She, however, was having trouble.
Emma was lurking in the background to help her friend whenever necessary, but didn't honestly know when to step in.
Bree's mom was chattering happily, hands on her hips, right next to her exposed stomach. Clad in a tube top and a miniskirt, she was truly a sight. Her father, on the other hand, was a man in a suit who looked a lot like Bree, except with two brown eyes… and the obvious fact he was a male.
"So…" Emma tried to step in. She glanced at Bree's mom. "What's your name, again?"
The woman smiled widely as Bree covered her face in her hands. "I'm Taffee Thompson. That's T-A-F-F-E-E. It's my stage name on the pole, and I loved it so much I changed my name legally!"
Emma's eyes widened. "…So what was your name before that?"
"Taffy, T-A-F-F-Y. The E-E is so much classier, don't you think?" She leaned against her husband, whose facial expression implied he wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment.
"I'm Baxter Walters," he said quietly, holding a hand out for the ice queen to shake. She did so and then looked at Bree. "I thought your name was Bree Thompson?"
She shook her head. "Bree Thompson-Walters. I usually just use the Walters part. Hell, I have no idea why I chose Thompson for that stupid college!"
"…Oh. You're 18, right?"
Bree nodded once.
"…So then how long have your parents been married?"
Baxter Walters had never looked more annoyed in his life than when he was spitting out the answer for Emma. "EIGHT. TEEN. YEARS."
Taffee beamed. "That's right! We got married when I was 14 and he was 18!" She patted her husband on the shoulder. "He thought I was a legal adult, but nope! I was just hotter than any girl my age!"
She grabbed her husband and began tugging on his hand. "Come on, Baxy, come on, boi!"
And with that, Baxter Walters and Taffy/Taffee/? Thompson vanished into the small crowd as Emma and Bree stood there, identical disturbed expressions on their faces.
THE KITCHEN
Foooooooooooooooooooooood!
Kahlin was beaming, standing next to her mom as she talked to Charles' happily. Both Charles and Mrs. Charles looked uncomfortable, and exchanged sympathetic looks as the two they were with talked.
"So, Kahlin," Mrs. Xavier smiled at her, "where's your dad?"
The psychotic young adult bit her lip and tapped it with her finger. "Oh… I think he's off somewhere where there's not very much light. He sent me a letter once. He said that the food sucked and his roommates scared him…
"Y'see," Kahlin began as her mom's eyes started to dart around the kitchen, "Mommy didn't like Daddy very much. She wanted to wait… she didn't really want it to go yet." The chameleon threw her arms up in the air happily, ruining the melancholy moment. "AND THEN I WAS CONCEIVED!"
Mrs. Charles, who had a hand in the cookie jar by now, dropped her precious snickerdoodle as she gaped at her daughter's lack of tact. Charles looked uneasy, with a hand pressed to his temple, swapping stories with Bree as he tried to block this out.
His mom stared at Kahlin for a minute before throwing her arms around her happily. "I like you!" she exclaimed, and looked back at Charles. "Char-char, you should marry a girl like Kahlin and give me pretty grandbabies!"
THE FOYER
Swimmyswimmyswimmyswimmy… I think someone forgot to feed him today.
Magneto was standing at the door, with a box, smiling as Hadley glared at him. "I brought pie…?" he said sheepishly, holding up the French Silk. Nearby, Banshee stared at it longingly and lost track of their conversation as he pictured spoon-feeding Hadley gobs of pie while telling her his favorite line: "You like pie, I like pie, we should go have more bites to eat and talk about it sometime!"
The redhead electrokinetic was glaring at Magenta Man as he stood awkwardly. "Where's Blue Problem?" she asked quietly, her tone going from normal cheerful Hadley to deadly Hadley. "S-s-she got a cold…" Magneto stuttered. "I came in her place." He held up the box again. "And I brought pie."
Without waiting for Hadley, he let himself in and set the box next to Alex's goldfish, who was just swimming happily in the foyer. The mutants placed him there strategically so they would never forget to feed him. But he had been forgotten today.
The pie just sat there as Magneto stood awkwardly, staring at Hadley while she glared at him. "You tried to poison her, didn't you?" Hadley snapped. "That's why she couldn't save me from my mother! You evil girly man, you! You probably don't even care about finding a cure for breast cancer! YOU JUST WANT THE PINK HELMET!"
A single cough made both mutants look over, where a woman with vibrant red hair and a small redheaded boy were standing. The boy beamed when he saw Hadley, but the woman glared.
"…Crap."
Hadley turned and made an attempt to escape, shrieking that "I'M GOING TO DIE! I'M DOOMED! THE BLUE PROBLEM HAS MADE EVERYTHING MORE PROBLEMOUS!" but Magneto seized her arm before she could do so.
The woman stared at her daughter before speaking. "Hadley." The electrokinetic stared at her mom before replying coolly. "Mom." She glanced at her little brother, who was now writing in a small notebook. "Henry!"
He looked up and smiled. "Hadsee!" He glanced at Magneto. "Is that your boyfriend, sis? He's wearing such vibrant pink… are you sure he likes girls?"
Fiona Wells glanced at her son, then her daughter, and then her eyes traveled all over Magneto. "Hadley can actually get a date with someone normal?" She let out a piercing whistle. "First, it was that weird kid in middle school, his name was Paul or something, and he had that bowl haircut that drove me mad… then right before high school, that idiot… I think it was Ring… oh, I don't remember, but he was a real idiot. And then in high school, for six and a half years it was that kid who always told me to call him Rolf even though that wasn't his name… and wow." She smiled at Magneto. "I must say, you're much more attractive than those other three. Is your name George, by any chance?"
He raised an eyebrow. "No, it's Erik." Hadley did a double-take when he introduced himself with his real name, which she herself didn't even know. She thought it was Magneto. "But I'd prefer it if you call me Magneto," he added.
Hadley's mom smiled charmingly. "Oh, okay. Why Magneto?"
At this point, Hadley interrupted. "Okay, it was great seeing ya mom, we have an extra room if Hen-hen wants to stay over for a few days so I can work on his game with him have a nice life you're not invited to my wedding or baby shower in the future oh by the way Bree's gonna be the future baby's godmom thought I'd let you know now before I kick you out of my life for good bye!"
The doorbell rang suddenly, startling all of them, and Taffee Thompson sashayed in to answer it, before Bree tackled her mom and pushed her away as she unlocked the door.
"Rolf!" Bree accepted the five pizzas he had balanced in his hands, placing them on the floor for a minute, before giving her new friend a hug. "Thanks so much for this, I know the Graham doesn't usually deliver."
He smiled. "It was the least I could do, Bree, after all those nice tips and everything. And plus, you and Alex were the only people who gave Aurora a break…" He then shot a glare at Sean, who was salivating over the pizza and pie now. "You heard her when you ordered, right? 'Oh, I'll have a Boston Cream Pie.' ' OMG OMG ROLFIE ROLF ROLF YAY SOMEONE LIKED MY PIZZA I'M SO HAPPY!'" He sighed and shook his head. "Almost as bad as Hadley when I got her those kitty ears for her birthday senior year.
"HEY!" Hadley glared at Rolf, brain not processing that this was her BFF ex-BF at the door. "I don't know who you think you are, Mister, but… Oh!" She tackled him happily, swinging up so he ended up carrying her in a bridal hold, before announcing the obvious. "Rolfie's here! Come in, come in, Rolfie!"
She hopped out of his arms, seized the anchovy pizza, and ran off with it. Taffee immediately woke up and began chasing Hadley for the pizza, demanding she get a share because she's not allowed anchovies on the job.
Bree just stared at her mom's retreating figure. "Dad!" she called over to where her father was talking to Emma Frost. "Are you sure I'm related to her?" She waltzed over to the two to converse, leaving Rolf with Magneto, Sean, Henry, and Fiona.
Magneto and Sean just glowered at the ex-boyfriend of the girl they liked, while Fiona averted her eyes. Henry flung himself at Rolf, squealing happily. "John Lennon!" the little boy chirped, hugging Rolf. His mom shot him a glare and he paused. "Sorry, Rolf… I forgot you don't like John Lennon." Henry pouted.
Rolf laughed and patted Henry's head. "It's okay, Henry. How's Pretty Pretty Ponies coming along?"
Henry beamed. "Oh, it's great!" He opened his mouth to continue, but was shoved out of the way by Magenta Man, who glared at Rolf. "You're Hadley's ex-boyfriend, correct?"
Rolf nodded. "Yep, that's me. We dated for a very, very long time." He smiled, and then tilted his head. "…You're that stalker guy who sits in that dusty old booth near the bathroom! The one who likes making spoons float when he's bored!"
Fiona blanched. "Wait, what?" she screeched, finding it hard to believe that the handsome young man was another mutant. "Damn it…" Magneto muttered. "…Maybe I should have forced Raven out of the house even with that cold of hers."
The awkward silence was made even more awkward when Hadley's voice rise from the dining room where she was yelling at Taffee.
"BOO, YOU WHORE, THIS IS MY PIZZA. PHOB ORDERED IT FOR ME ESPECIALLY, SO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. GO HIT ON THAT HUSBAND WHO DOESN'T LIKE YOU."
If anyone gets offended by Kahlin, I'm quite, quite sorry. But not everything can be happy ending; we do have srs moments once in awhile.
Henry is based off of Hippie's neighbor-type-person thing who we're pretty sure is in love with me. Not sure if that's going to pass on into the story.
Taffee is indeed a stripper, and her husband is based off of Baxter from Thoroughly Modern Millie. Idea came from Aurora. You go, Aurora.
If some of you somehow didn't figure it out, Hadley dated all of the Beatles. No explanations, figure it out for yourself. (:
YOU JUST WANT THE PINK HELMET. Inspired by all of the people who wore pink this week for breast cancer. I don't own any pink that's not my black-pink-and grey button down and that was in the wash when we were supposed to wear it. ._.
I love that quote, also. BOO, YOU WHORES. I think it's from Mean Girls? Hate that movie, love the quotes.
And Alex, Beast, and Charles have tiny roles. Sorry, guys. :( Kahlin actually had a role, which was a shocker, and Azazel was mentioned. We're only forgetting demented fairy and forever alone. Maybe next time. Tschuss~