"Yeah. I couldn't find anything that would lift the compulsion, but I found a spell that will allow one of us to enter her mind and comb through her memories." Bonnie seemed hesitant as she spoke.

"It shouldn't be a human. They probably won't be strong enough to go against whatever may be in there. I would go, but I have to stay outside to run the spell." Bonnie's gaze moves from Stefan to Caroline to me.

"I think it should be Damon" Bonnie says.

Stefan stands up. "I'll do it. It doesn't have to be Damon."

"No Stefan, I really think Damon should go because, because" her eyes focus on her shoes.

All eyes turn towards me. It's a suicide mission from what Bonnie is describing and I am the expendable one in the room. Can't be the vampire best friend or vampire boyfriend, just the vampire third wheel. I looked at Elena's fragile unmoving body. If there was ever a reason to die, it's lying right there in that hospital bed.

Chapter 3

"No need to justify, judgey. I'll do it." I say standing up.

Stefan grabs my arm. "You don't have to do this, brother."

"Yeah, I do. If anything happens, you know" I don't know how to do the whole brotherly bonding thing.

"I know." Stefan nods with a half smile. Looks like doesn't do brotherly bonding either.

"What do I need to do, Bonnie?" I move to the side of Elena's bed.

"Put this on." Bonnie hands me a square piece of silver with three diagonal etched lines hanging from a chain. Witches and their talismans, always some mystical crap.

"What does it do?" I put it over my head and hold it in front of me.

"It's your way out. When you need to come back to reality, grasp it and call my name and I will read the spell to pull you out."

"So how does this work?"

"I'll read the spell and you'll basically go unconscious and enter Elena's mind. Your consciousness will meld with hers. There is no waking you up without the spell. You'll encounter memories, fantasies, fears. I don't fully know what you'll see and experience. I imagine you'll be a bystander of her memories but you'll hear Elena's thoughts and feel her emotions as the memory plays out. Remember, you die there, its true death out here" Bonnie warns.

"So… are we talking a Nightmare on Elm Street or Inception style experience?"

"I have no idea. I don't know if you'll have any control over what you see or experience." Bonnie admits.

I love heading into the unknown. Witches always seem to have none of the answers. "You said her subconscious and her fears will fight. If I fight back, can I hurt her?" I look at Elena. I'm actually scared that in trying to protect her I could do more damage.

"I don't know" Bonnie responds. "You'll just have to tread lightly until we know more. Are you ready?"

No, I'm not fucking ready to live memories and feel emotions of the girl I am desperately in love with to wake her up and throw her back into the arms of my brother. All the while risking my life…again.

"Danger is my middle name, of course I'm ready" I smirk sitting down.

"I thought your middle name was 'dick'" Matt quips.

"Touché."

Bonnie rolls her eyes. "Take her hand and just relax." Bonnie opens the book in her lap and starts chanting. I reach out and take Elena's hand rubbing the top of her hand with my thumb. I feel my eyes start to get heavy and then everything goes black.

Blinking my eyes, there is just blackness. Did it work? I look around and am surrounded by blackness. Interesting. What I did I expect to see, rainbows and unicorns? Not with all Elena has seen and experienced, but the Goth like mind doesn't suite her either. Luckily my vampire senses let me see in the dark. I continue to look around I realize I am standing on a hill and I look down seeing a hallway full of doors. Deciding the hallway is the best place to start, I direct my feet and head in that direction.

After a few steps, something races in front of me. What was that? A rustling comes from behind me and I turn around. Nothing. Cautiously I resume my path through the darkness when I am tackled to the ground. A face is inches from mine.

"Elena?"

"You don't belong here. Leave!" She screams at me her face contorted in anger.

Elena stands above me and grabs me by the labels of my button down shirt and I feel myself flying through the air landing on my back and sliding a few feet. Blinking away the pain, I sit up and Elena is gone. This is not going to be fun. Returning to my feet I walk through the dark, my senses on high alert.

Reaching the hallway, I see each door has a different kind of lock on it. Before I can try any of the doors, everything around me changes. I'm in Elena's bedroom and I see myself sitting on her bed. A sound from behind causes me to turn around and Elena emerge from the bathroom. I wave my hand in front of Elena's face. No response. An attempt to touch her results in me passing right through her as if a ghost. Looks I only get to enjoy the show, not participate in it. I move to the corner to watch.

"Oh god, you scared me." Elena says her hand on her heart.

"I'm just doing my part for the neighborhood watch." The memory version of me responds to her. I was obviously drunk.

Wait, I remember this night. Oh god. Not this memory. Why do I have to start here?

"No, all we've been doing here means something. You are the liar Elena. There is something going on between the two of us and you know it. And you're lying to me, you're lying to Stefan and most of all you're lying to yourself. I can prove it."

I forgot that I was practically yelling at her when this happened. I close my eyes knowing what I am about to hear.

"No, no Damon. I care about you. Listen to me, I care about you. I do but...I love Stefan, it's always going to be Stefan."

The story of my life. It's always Stefan. Suddenly my heart feels like its being squeezed and I feel a sense of fear and panic like I have never felt before, but the feelings are not mine. The air is forced out me. I'm hyperventilating, desperate to pull air into my lungs and I don't even need to breathe. I force my eyes open and the memory version of me is choking Jeremy.

"You want to turn off the pain? It's the easiest thing in the world. The part of you that cares just goes away, all you have to do is flip the switch." The memory version of me is still gripping Jeremy's neck and I brace myself for what I know happens next.

I hear the snap of Jeremy's neck and pain, anguish and hatred wash over me forcing me to my knees. I cry out as does Elena.

"NO!"

Elena's voice is inside my head screaming. I hate him over and over. I did that to her. My chest is crushing in on me and I fall flat on my back. Let me out! I'm drowning. Oh, God, the pain is unbearable. How did she survive this pain? I try and get up to run but the pain weighs on me so heavily that it has pinned me to the ground. Her hatred is squeezing the life from me.

My shaky hand moves to my throat and grasps the talisman. "Bonnie" I whisper as I don't have enough air to get out anything louder and the world around me starts to go black.

I am thrown back into my chair in Elena's room so hard that I actually tip over backwards. A hand is on my shoulder and I immediately jump up and pin the person to the wall. Jeremy's face crosses my line of vision.

"She hates me. She h-hates me. I-I shouldn't have done it. I never meant to hurt her or, or you." I whisper so only Jeremy can hear. I drop Jeremy and I slide to the floor my head in my hands as I try to breathe, still feeling a crushing weight. Jeremy slides down to floor next to me.

"What the hell, Damon" Caroline yells.

"Leave him, Caroline. I'm guessing he just had to relive the night he killed Jeremy. He experienced firsthand the pain he can cause." Stefan says from the corner of the room his arms crossed. I can feel him judging me.

"You know we both forgave you, right?" Jeremy says quietly next to me. "In some ways it was a blessing. It made me appreciate life more. Elena and I started talking and got over the lies we had been telling each other that had strained our relationship."

Elena doesn't hate easily and I could feel her hatred. I wanted to run. I hurt her and I never want to do that again. But let's face it, it's me, I'm going to hurt her. Hurting people is the only thing I am good at in life.

"You feel it don't, you. Her pain and hatred from that moment? Maybe that's a good thing. Means you haven't shut it all off which is the one thing she would never want you to do." Jeremy looks me dead in the eye.

I actually laugh at the audacity and balls this kid had. "When did you get so wise baby Gilbert?"

"The second you snapped my neck." Jeremy got up, righting the chair I knocked over sitting down to hold Elena's hand.

It takes me a few minutes to compose myself and then I stand up. It was killing me that everyone was staring at me and I can only guess they were uncertain what to do at seeing me express anything other than anger or sarcasm. Hell, I didn't know what to do with me being emotional.

"I'll give you your Dr. Phil moment. Sorry Jeremy, sorry Ric for snapping your necks. It was not an effective form of anger management. Dr. Phil moment done." I lean against the wall with my arms crossed, glaring around the room daring anyone to say anything.

"Moving on then. What did you learn? You weren't in there very long." Caroline complains.

"It wasn't all peaches and sunshine in their as you can imagine" I bite back.

I see Bill standing off to the side of the room. "There was a hallway full of doors each with a different kind of lock. Mean anything?"

"Those are compelled memories. Break in and you release the memory." He makes it sound so easy. I turn back to Bonnie.

"I wasn't able to control what I saw. I just kind of had to go along for the ride. Are you up for sending me back in Sabrina?" I didn't want to go back in right away, but I knew this was the only way to wake her up and I didn't want to waste time because of my own fears. I caused most of the pain that is in that head of hers so it's best I step up and face it.

"Take her hand again and I can send you back." Bonnie closes her eyes in concentration as Jeremy relinquishes his seat back to me.

Stealing my nerves the blackness envelopes me again. As I open my eyes I feel less disorientated than my first foray earlier into Elena's mind. As before, I start walking and the scene around me builds of its own accord. As I stop at the scene I find myself in, I glance around and I quickly realize it is Stefan's bedroom.

A low moan comes further in the room drawing my attention. My mouth drops open in shock at what I am seeing. My brother's naked torso above an equally naked Elena. Stefan and Elena having sex. I look over my shoulder and see the bedroom door. I open it and run out finding myself right back in the room. Every time I try to leave I am forced right back into Stefan's room like an endless loop.

Thank God the sheet was covering his bare ass. Elena's head is turned to the side, eyes closed and lips partially open. I clamped my hands over my eyes like a five year old. Now, I am debauched vampire and have indulged in every sexual whim save a few, but I am not such a perve as to want to see my brother having sex. It was bad enough I had heard them from time to time when they were dating before the sacrifice but it was another thing entirely to have to see it. The only disappointing part is I didn't get to see anything good from Elena before I covered my eyes. Even the idea of a naked Elena was not worth seeing her doing the deed with my pansy ass brother.

Seeing the sex becomes the least of my problems as the smell of sex in the air hits my nostrils and I could not only smell Elena's arousal but feel it as well. I heard her moan my brother's name, begging him not to stop. Gross.

"Please don't stop, I'm so close this time. Please let go Stefan, I can take it." Elena moans.

"Elena, you have to look at me please" Stefan pleads softly.

Then her inner monologue floods my mind. "Stupid Elena. You exposed your throat to him again."

My eyes stayed clamped shut and I brought my hands to my ears. My brother's grunts indicate he is nearing his climax and I don't want to hear anymore. When will this memory end?

"Shit! So close. Again." Elena's words echo in my mind.

A sense of frustration descends on me which causes me to cautiously remove my hands from my ears and I pop one eye open. Stefan is lying next to Elena, his arm across her stomach his eyes closed nearly asleep. Elena had pulled the sheet over herself. Damnit, I still didn't get to see any of that beautiful body. She's just staring at the ceiling. Hmmm…no orgasm for the lady. File that away for future reference. Stupid Stefan, since he's never learned to control the monster in him, he controls every other aspect of his existence. Looks like he is even controlled, or boring, in bed.

The room is fading away. Finally this stupid memory is over. I continue walking in the blackness waiting for the next thing to assault me. As I walk I am enveloped in steam. Now what. I stop and the steam seems to dissipate a bit and I realize I am in my bathroom at the Boarding House and the shower is running. That explains the steam. Wait, when did Elena ever use my shower? The only time she was ever in my bathroom that I know of was when we made the wolfsbane grenades during the Homecoming fiasco. Definitely no showering going on that day.

The steam fades even more and I can finally see that is was Elena in my shower. A very naked Elena in my shower. Did Elena and Stefan get it on in my shower? I may have to throw up. Now I have no respect for boundaries and would stoop to having freaky sex in Stefan's shower but that is not usually a Stefan move. I move closer to the shower to at least sneak a peek at Elena before I am scarred for my undead life when my brother comes and reenacts the birds and the bees with the girl that I would give up immortality to be with.

The sound of a zipper being drawn echoes and I groan stepping away from the shower to put as much distance between myself and what is about to happen. Holy Fuck! The reflection in the mirror of the man approaching the shower is not Stefan, but my handsome ass. Fantasy. Bonnie said I might encounter fantasies as well as memories. Well, well, well Ms. Gilbert. You fantasize about me. Damn, I hope I'm good. I wonder if Caroline told her any stories about me. My prowess in the bedroom is legendary if I do say so myself.

I lean against the wall thinking finally an experience in here that I can enjoy. The naked fantasy version of me enters the shower wrapping his arms around Elena.

"Tell me you want me."

"I want you Damon. Make me feel things I have never felt before." Elena sighs her head falling back on the shoulder of the fantasy version of me. She at least seems to have the proportions more or less right. I guess parading around her half naked helped her fantasy world. I can't help but smirk.

This is a totally weird experience to see myself doing things to Elena that I have fantasized about. Knowing she has been fantasizing the same things is highly erotic and humbling in a weird way. I'm watching myself run my hands across her breasts squeezing her nipples and they pebble under my touch. My pants are getting tight as I watch the fantasy version me of slip one finger then a second into her core pumping in and out as Elena lets out breathy moans.

"I need you inside me now Damon" Elena pleads in the sexiest voice I have ever heard.

"Put your hands on the tile." The fantasy version of me orders her. She likes me bossy. Kinky.

I really hope the hard on I have in this unconscious world doesn't translate to the waking world. There may be a lot of explaining I need to do when I come out of this stroll down Elena's memory lane. Oh crap, she's moaning my name. That is even sexier than her begging me to enter her.

"Harder Damon, I can take it." The fantasy version of me quickly complies. Take that little brother.

Movements are getting more frantic. I watch as I reach around to Elena's clitoris and Elena's hand intertwines in my hair. She groans my name and shudders her release and I see myself follow swiftly after.

The fantasy me turns Elena around pressing her against the tiled wall of the shower kissing her passionately. "That. Was. Phenomenal." Elena utters chest heaving.

This is going to fuel my fantasy life for a long time. Thinking I am about to witness round two, the environment changes and I am back in the hallway with the locked doors. In front of one of the doors is a man on all fours hovering over a body. This can't be good. I approach slowly and see that the man has yellow eyes and a mouth full of teeth. I'm guessing hybrid. There is blood dripping from his mouth as he knaws at the body. Fear. I am encountering one of Elena's fears. Makes sense that she is scared of hybrids. I look closer at the body and the sight stops me dead in my tracks.

A/N: I have a few scenes from the show that I plan to use as memories to keep the story moving, but if you have any favorite scenes that you would like to Damon to experience drop me a request. Please review!