Disclaimer: From this point on, I will not apologize, nor take responsibility for any mental scarring you may receive for reading anything that I post. There have been plenty of signs and warnings in my previous works, so if you haven't gotten the hint by now, and know what to expect, it's your own fault.
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"Harry, I need to talk to you...privately." She added, turning to Ron.
"How come I have to go?" Ron asked, his fear of just what Harry and Hermione's relationship was, rearing its head.
"Because I need Harry to give me an honest and objective opinion, and he can't do that with you or your mum hanging over his shoulder." After a couple minutes of protesting, and what looked to be another row, Harry asked Ron to give them a minute.
"Ron, there are things that you've discussed with me that you didn't want Hermione to know, so unless you'd like to start discussing them, please show Hermione the same courtesy." When Ron had sulked off, Harry asked. "So, what's this issue you wish to discuss that you feel the need to keep secret from Ron?"
"Don't give me that." Hermione huffed. "The reason why I needed Ron gone, is because part of it is about him."
Her very sharp blush caused Harry to raise his brow. "Okay, what's going on?"
"Well, I had a very interesting dream last night-"
"Hermione, you may be my very attractive best friend, but I really don't want to know about your naughty dreams," Harry deadpanned. "-especially any naughty dreams that feature Ron. As a matter of fact, I don't think I want to hear about anything that might result in you popping up in my more interesting dreams. That's not any sort of awkwardness that I want to be dealing with."
"It wasn't like that." Hermione protested. "It was just a really confusing dream, and I was hoping that you could help me decipher it."
"You do remember that I'm pants at Divination, and that I made up most of my homework, right?"
"I'm aware, Harry, but I'm also aware that you can be particularly observant and perceptive when you want to be, and you know me as well as anyone can." She replied.
"Well, it started out with us having finished building a pirate ship that we named the Companion (1). It took us six years to build, but we'd finally finished. We both decided that you would be the captain, and I would be your first mate."
"So that means you decided, right?" Harry teased. Hermione lightly smacked his shoulder, but her smile told him that he was right."
"So, we hired a crew, and I'm sure you can figure out who they were."
"Weasleys, Tonks, and Remus, right; and I bet Mrs. Weasley was the cook?"
"Yes, well, most of the Weasleys, Ron was brought on as the cabin boy. Neville and Luna were part of the crew, and a massive 7' bulk of muscle who was the kindest person you ever met unless you threatened our family."
"Hagrid?" Hermione grinned.
"Yep, and also, I'm not sure how, but Ginny wasn't part of the Weasley package." Harry raised a curious brow. "She was a girl who had snuck aboard after you'd rescued her from a creepy man trying to sacrifice her to the snake god of some cult."
"Yeah, and that doesn't sound familiar at all." Harry deadpanned, causing Hermione to grin.
"I thought so too." She then turned an exasperated smirk on her best friend. "She was found quickly by Arthur, and declared herself with the specific intention of being your wench; one of the variety where she spends most of her time in your quarters without clothes on working up a sweat, and sporting a silly grin and limp the next morning."
"I'm liking this dream so far." Harry quipped cheekily as he watched the dictaquill write."
"Yes, well, there was something of a timeskip, during which we became a very well known vessel, and had a reputation for, well..."
"Let me guess, even though were were pirates, my saving people thing struck."
"Yes, but it made us well liked, famous, and very well off. Being well off kept our crew happy and well taken care of, so they were the most loyal and devoted crew you could ask for."
"You know, as much as I liked the Ginny part, this is starting to sound like a badly written fanfiction." Harry teased.
"Oh, it gets more interesting." Hermione assured him. "A few days out to sea after a supply stop, we encountered another ship, and were attacked by it."
"Really, just attacked?"
"Well, there was a reason for it, but we wouldn't figure that out until after we'd defeated and taken control of the ship."
"Oh, okay."
"Well, the reason was that a family of nobles, and their nanny had been captured by pirates, and the family was being held prisoner, and the father was forced to work on the ship, while the mother and daughters were going to end up the playthings of their captors. They were lucky that the captain wanted to personally break them all in himself. The youngest daughter was being used as a servant for the crew, and when she saw our rather famous ship, fired one of their cannons at us to get our attention."
"Why do I get the feeling there are more familiar faces coming?" Harry sighed.
"Well, let's just say the nanny was a very large woman who instantly hit it off with our big guy, the eldest daughter had a case of love at first sight with one of our redhead crewmen, and thanks to your reputation, the youngest daughter decided that since you rescued her and her family, she was going to become yours as a thank you."
"So the noble family was the Delacours, the big lady was Madam Maxime, the eldest daughter was Fleur, and the youngest was Gabrielle. Joy."
"Well, if it helps, she looked to be much older than she currently is. It was actually rather hostile on the ship after they joined us, because Ginny and Gabrielle were of opposing views on who got to be your personal wench/plaything. It was eventually Luna who suggested they share, as a captain of your stature couldn't possibly be satisfied by just a single bed warmer. While I'm sure she'd just said it to stop the fighting, oddly enough, it turned out to be true."
Deciding to change the subject, as the thought of Ginny and Gabrielle disputing over who was going to be the mother of his children was a little too surreal for him, Harry said. "Um, as interesting as all of this is, Hermione what did you need my help deciphering?"
"Just hear me out, then we'll go back over everything."
"Fine." Harry said, inwardly thinking that he was going to have to figure out how to say no to her when it involved trivial things that it wouldn't really bother him to go along with.
"Now, it was farely obvious to everyone on the ship that the cabin boy fancied me, but what wasn't so well known- well, except to the captain, of course- was that I had a bit of fancy for the cabin boy as well. Well, one day, our ship was chartered by a famous fencing champion to host him as he participated in a tournament. I admit, the young man and I were instantly smitten with each other."
"Let me guess, Viktor?" Hermione blushed.
"Yes, and as you probably already know, the cabin boy became very jealous of this. Anyway, when we finally returned to his home, he extended me an invitation to join him in his manor as his betrothed. I was very conflicted about what to do; after all, I would be leaving my home and the people who'd become something like family behind for a man I barely knew. On the other hand, there were some very strong sparks between us. I woke up before I could come to a decision."
"Okay, first let me say, that's one heck of an epic dream, and I'm bloody jealous that mine are never that brilliant. Also, from what little I learned from dream reading in Divination, you've actually got yourself a dream that would have Parvati and Lavender drooling to interpret; though given that they don't know you as well as I do, their interpretations might be a little off in some areas. I'm also pretty sure that if you were of the persuasion, you could probably get up to a dozen favors of the 'kinky lesbian acts' type to be named and performed later at your convenience out of Lavender."
"Harry!" Hermione protested, blushing.
"Well, you could. While she kept it a secret, I know for a fact that Lavender went both ways, and she probably would have mentioned sharing with you to Ron when they were together if things hadn't ended between them." Hermione chose not to think about that, as Harry seemed to have developed a knack for finding out things about their former classmates that no one else knew, and she really didn't want to think about that. "Hell, if Mr. Patil wasn't one of the strictest men I'd ever met, you could have probably gotten Parvati too."
"Is he really strict?" Hermione asked, momentarily derailed.
"You remember how Padma and Parvati asked me to help them finally master the Patronus?" Hermione nodded. "While Padma had started getting her mist to begin forming a shape, Parvati was still having trouble getting anything. In order to give herself a better memory to use, she grabbed me by the lapels, and snogged me senseless. Her father just so happened to see it, and after berating her harshly for inappropriate behavior, he pulled me aside and told me that if I pulled another stunt like that with one of his daughters, I would be expected to marry her."
"Oh, wow." Hermione said, stunned.
"Yeah." Harry said. "Sure, he eased up a bit, and apologized after learning why Parvati kissed me, but didn't budge on his stance."
"So, back to the dream; what do you think it means?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I have a guess as to what most of it means, but I'd like a second opinion."
"Well, the fact that we have a ship named the Companion that we built together over six years, that's obviously a sign of our friendship. Not sure exactly what Ron being a cabin boy, rather than a more important position means, but it's probably a sign that you and I are closer to each other than we are with Ron from a purely friendship and trust standpoint after the last few years."
"Actually, I think that the cabin boy thing is indicative of Ron's potential." Hermione said. "There have been many famous ship captains who started out as mere cabin boys, so maybe it just means that he still has yet to come into his own."
"Right, better than anything I could come up with, and it makes a lot of sense." Harry admitted. "The captain and first mate thing I'm guessing means that while you're willing to trust my judgment and leadership, you'd also like to be in a position to offer advice to me if I need or ask for it. After all, depending on their relationship, the first mate could likely get away with saying things to the captain that no one else could, so long as it didn't undermine their authority in front of the others."
"That's about what I got as well." Hermione said, smiling.
"Our friends and family being the crew isn't surprising, although it makes me wonder why your parents weren't part of the crew as well." Harry pondered.
"Probably because they aren't magical." Hermione lied, not being able to look Harry in the eye. After what she'd done to her parents, she had an idea of why they really weren't there, and it scared her a bit. Frankly, she just hoped it was her subconscious trying to lay on the guilt for what she'd done, and that it wasn't indicative of the reception she would receive when they went to retrieve her parents in a month.
"I guess." Harry shrugged. "As for the Ginny thing, that's obviously referencing the Chamber, and us being a couple for a few weeks. Us becoming a well known vessel is obviously my notorious fame and infamy; though the time skip where we became famous and beloved for things we didn't see happen could also be a reference to the Horcrux hunt, and the secrecy involved there."
Hermione nodded her agreement, shocked at Harry's thoughts on the time skip as she'd never even considered that. She'd figured it had something to do with his first defeat of Voldemort, and then his return to the magical world ten years later.
"While I'm not entirely sure what the captured at sea Delacours means, unless it's something to do with the second task, it's quite obvious what the Madam Maxime and Hagrid analogs fancying each other, and the Bill and Fleur ones falling in love at first sight means."
"And the rest?" Hermione didn't quite hide her mischievous smile as well as she thought.
"Yes, I'm sure you're getting quite the kick out of the Gabrielle analog deciding that she wanted me just like Gabby has." Harry frowned. "Before you say it, no, her being older does not help, and I'm fairly certain that I don't want to know what that quarrel between Gabby and Ginny means, nor what Luna's suggestion might entail for me in real life. I'm not tempting fate on that one. Now, we get to the most important part, and what I'm guessing you really wanted my opinion on."
"Yes, I have my own thoughts as I said, but I'd really like a second opinion."
"It's actually very simple." Harry said with a shrug. "It's obvious that you and Ron fancy each other. It was also plain as day that you were incredibly smitten with Viktor, especially the fact that a famous boy was interested in Plain Jane Hermione Jean. While you may not realize it, you have conflicting feelings about both Ron and Viktor. You're still regretting not taking the latter's invitation, both because you weren't sure of his intentions, and you weren't ready for the kind of committment you thought he may have been asking you for. This means you still have lingering feelings of interest that you need to sort through, on top of whatever it is that you feel for Ron, and your subconscious is bringing this indecision to your attention through your dreams. The reason you woke up when you did, is because you haven't actually come to a conclusion on that front yourself."
"Wow, you really are more observant than I thought." Hermione said, amazed at Harry's analysis.
"I'll admit that I notice things, but I also listen to you, and can sometimes read between the lines of your letters." Harry gave a sigh. "It may not seem like it sometimes- what with all the craziness I have to deal with myself- but I do pay attention to what's going on with my friends."
"Thank you, Harry." Hermione said, smiling. "Oh, and for the record, Ron was right about us being a couple to an extent."
"Really?"
"I think, that if we had developed romantic interest in each other, there's almost no chance anyone else would have registered for either of us." Thinking about it, Harry gave an amused smile, before a chuckle escaped him as something else came to mind. "Care to share?"
"I was just thinking of something amusing if we had ended up marrying." Hermione raised a brow. "Harry James Potter. Hermione Jean Potter. With us being the same height, if we got monogrammed dressing gowns and bath accessories, we'd always be getting them mixed up."
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1. modeled after The Revenge from Rocking the Boat by DerLaCroix, ch. 11