Ch 13:

"Our hopes are but memories reversed."

~Anonymous

Ponyboy's POV

"That's insane Ponyboy, are you sure it's not just in your head?" Darry asked for the millionth time. I rolled my eyes at him, just as the rest of the gang did.

"Ponyboy may lie about a lot of things, but not this." Two-Bit said, that old sparkle in his eye and his sarcasm returned. Just me telling everyone about talking to Johnny had lightened the mood hugely. Our minds we're now less focused on Dally's disappearance, and Cherry's pregnancy. Although my chest still hurt whenever the word "baby", "love", or "Dally" came up, now I had something to be excited about.

"Gee, thanks Matthews." I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Has he… mentioned us?" Out of all of us, Steve was definitely the most disturbed by this. He winced when I had told us, and had sat there staring at the wall for about an hour. But now I think he was at least recovering… sort of.

"Yup." Truth be told, I was a bit tired of explaining the details of every single dream over and over again, even though they still astounded me all the same.

The first one that I knew was real was mind blowing. I was back at the church with the chilly evening air fogging through the valley. The sun was just beginning to set, and Johnny was next to me. Now, I had dreams like this before, but most of them were horrific and ended with Johnny withering away to dust. But this time he talked to me. He didn't speak to me like he would back then, but he was speaking about the present. And that's when I knew it was real, and not just in my head.

He talked to me like we always did. His voice faltered when he mentioned Dallas going crazy, and I asked him how we could get him to ever be alright. He just shrugged, those puppy dog eyes bright with sadness.

"I might be the only one who can convince him." And that's when I knew that there was a way.

We hadn't talked to Cherry since the night, but honestly, I didn't want to. She played us, and I did feel bad that Dallas had gotten so angry when he said he would stick by her. But she had flirted with me, and led me on and I was upset with her for it. All along this, her and Dally had been sexing it up. And now we were going to pay.

There had already been occurrences with Socs. Steve was jumped yesterday, and it was just as scary as it had been when this whole mess had started.

I was attempting to do math homework, but my brain just didn't want to. Then I heard a yell, a yell so familiar that it made all of me ring with a sense of déjà vu. It was the alarm call that Soda created whenever one of the gang members needed help. It was just one singular, frantic whistle.

I jumped to my feet and raced outside, just as Darry was leaving too. We both ran to Soda, who was crouched over a coughing Steve who was lying on the asphalt.

"What happened?" Darry's voice was rough. I couldn't speak, because I couldn't believe that this was happening. We thought that the Socs declared us even once Johnny had died, since we both knew that it had all gone too far.

"I just was walking over when four of them pulled up." Steve hacked, sitting up and glaring at us. "They threatened me, saying something about how it was unacceptable that a Greaser's DNA would be in a Soc baby. They must have found out about Cherry." His voice was bitter.

While he leaned over and was sick, I looked away and thought about what this could mean. The Socs were the least of our problems right now, and I sure as hell didn't want another rumble.

That had been weighing heavily on our minds ever since that night, and I even had nightmares about dark looking clean cut Socs chocking hard Steve until he fell to the ground, purple. Sometimes Johnny was the one who's neck was vulnerable under their grasps. Either way, I always woke up in cold sweat with scream penetrating my empty room.

"Have you heard from Cherry?" I heard Soda whisper to Darry in the kitchen, pulling me out of my haphazard thoughts. We had just finished a sit around the TV dinner, and the gang had scattered. Cherry's name made my breathing hitch, but even so, my attention was immediately drawn. Her name hadn't come up in a week since that horrible night.

"I haven't, but I've heard she's a mess. We should probably go find Dally…" His voice dropped to a barely there whisper and I had to strain to listen.

The only words I picked up were 'car accident' and 'assisted suicide'.

Darry's P.O.V

There was a car accident. I saw it on the news once everyone had left our house. And my heart froze. Literally.

I stared at the screen as the blonde weather reporter explained that it occurred just on the outskirts of Tulsa. My hand was dialing Two-Bit's number before my mind even had time to think. I kept watching the news cast as she explained that there was a car holding an old man that collided with a mystery person. The person's actual body was never found, although there is blood evidence. They haven't taken DNA tests on it yet.

He picked up on the first ring, his voice shaking.

"It couldn't be him. Tell me it wasn't him." My voice was shaking. Soda was screaming something about 'Damn Dallas' and Pony was trying to get him to shut up so he could listen. Both of them were gasping for air.

"I'm coming to get yall. Be there soon." Two-Bit said quickly, hanging up the phone hard on the receiver. I assumed he meant Steve too.

Minutes later, we were all in the car and Two-Bit was swerving down the highway. It would have seemed like a perfectly normal sunny day, but the clouds hung near and ominous, and the whole car was filled with cries of 'Hurry!' and praying.

We probably should have called Cherry, but by the time I was there I knew it was too late. She wasn't speaking to us either, apparently.

There were ambulance lights flickering and temporarily blinding all of us. There must have been twenty cop cars surrounding one very screwed up convertible. We had arrived, and all of us practically screamed in relief.

We all leapt out and ran toward the yellow crime scene tapes. Steve ran over to a cop, his hair sticking up randomly and the whites of his eyes showing.

"Who was it? Have you taken the DNA test?" He blurted, his voice shaking and cracking. The cop stared blankly at him, shrugging his broad shoulders. All of us slumped at once, and Soda ran to confront a hopefully better informed cop.

Finally we found one, who looked at us skeptically.

"Who are you looking for?" We hadn't told the cops Dally was missing. I looked at the others, before biting my lip and speaking quietly.

"Our friend Dallas Winston. He's been a bit…. Unstable since our other friend's death, Johnny Cade. I'm sure you've heard about it." Heat rushed to my face, because she for sure knew that we were Greasers now. It didn't really make a difference now. Remorse flooded her features.

"You poor kids." I grunted, obviously referencing that I was not a kid. We all fell silent, thinking about all of the shit in our lives for a moment.

"If it was your friend, then I'm not sure where he would have gone. There was no body, which we thought was strange. Give me your names and numbers, and we'll give you a personal call when we find out." Steve nodded and began explaining our names and backgrounds. We all stepped away.

Pony slunk onto the curb, and buried his face in his hands. Soda sat on one side wordlessly, and Two-Bit stood at a distance, looking really confused.

"Why did this have to happen to us?" Pony asked. I looked down at his sixteen year old form, knowing that he shouldn't have to worry about this stuff. We all shouldn't have to be going through this.

Pony started sobbing, and I sat down on his other side. He was trembling and the tears rolled out of his eyes thick and fast. I had a feeling that he had been holding it all in since Johnny's death. We all knew that Dallas had a breaking point, but I never noticed that he was about to reach his peak.

He could barely talk he was sobbing so hard. And it honest to God broke my heart, seeing him this way. Pony was probably the strongest out of all of us. And seeing him bawling really made me feel sick.

"Pony, it's okay. Maybe it's not him…" Soda tried to make his voice convincing as he rubbed Pony's shaking form. I felt like I should say something, but I couldn't speak.

"It's got to be him Soda! The guy driving the car had been driving his whole life, he would have never intentionally hit someone. Who else besides Dally would have walked straight into a fucking car? It all makes sense, it even happened the day he left! God DAMMIT!" Pony yelled his voice breaking and then stuttering into gasping sobs again. I usually would have reprimanded him for his language, but I knew it wouldn't make a difference. If Dallas was here then he would have congratulated him.

Soda looked at me, his expression lost. I looked toward the ground, tears forming in my eyes too.

I knew that there was no way for us to run from this, or pretend that it just wasn't happening. There was no hiding anymore. As much as I hated it, we were never going to be able to escape these endless fields of hell that was our lives. We were going to lose Dally, even if we hadn't already. We all knew that from the beginning, since the day that Johnny's eyes closed forever. We all knew that since when the Socs tried to jump Dallas for the first time. We knew that since us, the Curtis's, moved to town in the first place. And even when we returned home, we knew that the Socs would be waiting for us, outraged at the most likely leaked news of Cherry carrying Dallas's baby.

We thought we found hope when Pony said that he was talking to Johnny, but now I knew it was all just complete nonsense. Ponyboy has been hallucinating for weeks, and we all had no hope left so we just tried our best to make something out of nothing. Because we had nothing.

And by the way the cops were looking at us, the three brothers, crying on each other's shoulders, I knew what they saw. They saw three boys, without parents, without two friends. They saw one younger boy who was just losing it because he couldn't take it anymore. They saw another boy always stuck in the middle, unsure of everything. They saw the oldest boy who was trying unsuccessfully to give them what they needed. But I just couldn't do it anymore.

None of us could. This was our breaking point, just like Dally had had his.

But we will all never forget the boy who never got the chance to break in the first place.

Okay, I'm sorry about the updating once again. I just started reading a book for school that is very similar to the Outsiders (It's called a Separate Peace, you should really read it) and I have found some inspiration through it. I have also found some inspiration from an idea that a reviewer presented to me, so I might actually use their idea in the future. I am going to be very slow at updating, I can tell you that, but please review with ideas and it might help me get through this awful writers block phase. I hope you liked this chapter, although it was a bit dark, and please review! I love you guys soo much, and thanks for all of the support you have given me that I never deserved.

~Lots of love,

Alaina