(A/N: So I've taken forever with this chapter. I am sorry. Grovel Grovel Grovel. I was super busy catching up work after I got home from Canada *wave to Canada! So, for this chapter, I think that I need to put my first disclaimer. Other than this being Fan Fiction dot Net and thus very obvious that I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, I am starting to get into a part of my story that deals a lot with what we know from the books. As such: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Characters, or any of the settings or anything that you recognise from JK's awesome works. What with that said and done I bid thee to read on! WonderWhiteRabbit hopping off)
In the Head of the Snake
Chapter 21: Gut Reactions
Ginny didn't want to see him go. She didn't get it. Why did he have to do so much? He put up with annoying, whining, whinging students during the day time, and then spent his nighttime consumed by evil, wakeful nightmares. Did they plague him during his sleep, she wondered? Did he wake up in night sweats, screaming from what he had seen and done? For surely he must have done evils; how else was he such a good spy?
Ginny stopped her thoughts and quickly reviewed them. What was going on? How did this all happen? This wasn't right was it? Seriously, what the hell was she thinking?
Oh, that was right, she wasn't thinking. Right now she was watching Severus Snape, the most hated potions professor Hogwarts had ever seen, walking away from Hogwarts, and worrying about him. Hoping that he would be ok. Knowing that he had to do something and that she could do nothing to help.
Ginny Weasley was not one to feel helpless. She didn't like it. It gnawed slowly at her insides and made her fidget. And, worst of all, it made her mental state shiver into overdrive.
She hadn't told Severus Snape much about what went on in her head. But she supposed he had guessed a bit of it, considering how easily he used her weakness – his touch – against her. She still couldn't believe the low-blow he had used on her; calming her with barely a finger! How did you like that? Ginny Weasley, notorious for her raging outbreaks, calmed by a finger! If she was truthful though, she didn't mind as long as it was Snape. She would never let anyone else have as much power over her as he did. Not again. Never ever again.
Ginny shivered involuntarily, and hugged herself. In that moment, the black cape of Severus Snape disappeared in a flurry of apparition. Ginny felt as alone as she had one night so many nights ago, when she had been lying far under the foundations of Hogwarts. She also felt as forgotten as a secret buried with the dead.
. . .
Severus did not look back as he reached the apparition point outside of Hogwarts. He was already half-way through the motion of disappearing as he felt himself step outside of Hogwarts' protective boundaries. He did not look back. Because he couldn't. Because if he did, he might not have the strength to face what lay ahead of him. It was stupid, and silly, and immature how a part of him was clinging to the attentions of a teenager. There were woman of all sorts populating the earth – not merely a few that Snape found himself attracted to – and more than enough to choose from. It was the red hair, he reasoned with himself. She looks like her. Ginny looks like Lily. But she's not Lily, a voice said at the back of his head. She's not anything at all like Lily.
So? Said the other side of Snape's brain.
So, said the previous side slowly, as if trying to explain how puzzle pieces fit together to a five year old, that means that if you like her, you like her for who she is, and not because she's a good substitute for something you once had.
Once had? Asked the slower Severus to the more mature sounding Snape.
You had Lily. Once. And you blew it.
I never had her, replied Severus curtly.
A very clever hat once said, "The secrets buried in your head are lost but never dead" good advice don't you think? The Snape voice went quiet as the Severus voice repeated: I never had her.
And pop, Severus had arrived at Malfoy Manor, never in his life having stepped onto the grounds in such a confused mental state. In his mind, the image of Ginny and Lily were merging together to create a red-headed beauty so that Snape could not distinguish the one from the other. Something in his head was hurting; it was as if there was a part of his head that he was trying to access to fill in the blanks, but although he knew he had had the memories in the past, it felt as though he didn't have them any more.
It felt as if he had lost some of his memories. As he thought it, Snape knew it was true. Being around Ginny Weasley was putting him into this uneasy state because she was helping him remember...something...what was it that she was helping him remember? Snape scoffed; as if one could remember what one has forgot! Ginny Weasley was being as useless to him as a Remembral was for Longbottom! And going just as red...
But wait. Something clicked in Snape's head. Two puzzle pieces indeed! There was a part of his mind that was missing. He could not access it, and thus no one else could either. Ginny was triggering this portion of his mind. That meant that all of the memories he had with her were now in the same place of his mind than those other memories that he couldn't remember.
Wait, did that mean that she was overriding the other memories? Slowly vanishing them as new memories covered them up? Or, were the new memories starting to fill up the place of the lost ones – proving that Snape will never get those memories back?
"As much as you need a bath, I wouldn't suggest taking one in the apparition pond."
Snape snapped his head upwards. How long had he been stuck in his own thoughts? Had anyone noticed the flash of emotions that had covered his face as his mind reeled with new theories? These new thoughts Severus kept to himself. He was not about to give a show to any unworthy audiences. He stepped gracefully (if that was possible) out of the pond and onto the dark green lawn of Malfoy Manor. In front of him stood Rookwood, his arms folded so that they made a skew line over his chest that matched his skew smile. Snape felt his gut boil at the sight of the other Death Eater. He didn't like him. More so than normal.
"The Dark Lord is ready to see you now, Severus," Rookwood gave a mock bow that showed off his stolen wand gripped tightly in his hand. Severus didn't want to walk in front of Rookwood knowing that Rookwood would be following right behind him armed and ready. But he reminded himself of a stern fact; they trusted him.
Severus returned the bow with a sneer on his face and then billowed past the other man. He did not take notice of anyone else as he stepped easily through the Manor as if he owned it, throwing his coat at a squeaking house elf who hurried to obey his orders. He slowed his long strides as he reached the large red wood double doors that marked the entrance to the Library. If the Dark Lord was in the Library, that meant he was in a good mood. The Dark Lord had something akin to competition with books – they would set the boundaries and he would break them. Severus knew the upcoming mission would be a difficult one. This was just one more sign that proved it to him.
He pushed the double doors open, his hands clenching along the handles in his last show of discomfort, before he stood in the open, empty doorway. Red eyes stared predatorily back at him, but as much as the doorway he stood in was open, so were the doors to his mind shut. His mind was locked to anyone and everyone.
"Severus," whispered Voldemort as he looked the man up and down. "You look well."
"Thank you, my Lord," replied Snape. "Permission to enter?"
"Come now, Severus!" Voldemort gave what could be called a hearty chuckle if it were coming from a snake. "Formalities are not necessary! I am at my leisure, and so should you be. Come sit by my side!"
"Yes, my Lord," Severus bowed his head curtly before walking into the room, ignoring the sudden chill that hit him exuding off of Lord Voldemort. Rookwood appeared behind him, not sure whether to join Severus or stay in the doorway.
"The doors, Rookwood. Close them," said Voldemort as he surveyed the other man with his red eyes. They gave off a glint of hostility and Rookwood hurriedly obeyed, not in the least confused any more as to whether he was invited inside or not.
"Severus," sighed Voldemort as the door closed and they were left alone, "you are too good to me. You never put me in difficult situations. I always know what I can expect from you. But recently, I feel that this has changed. What happened, Severus? Why did you not let me in?"
Severus knew the question was coming. Why hadn't he shown Voldemort his memories of Ginny Weasley? For once, Severus found himself eager to divulge the truth.
"My Lord, I have wondered about the same thing! For I was not hiding her purposefully from you at all. She was forefront in my mind when I opened up to you. All that I can think of is that her memories are being protected by something else – as would a pensieve of one's memories."
"And have you been using a pensieve, Severus?" asked Voldemort idly, his sharp eyes searching Severus' face for any trace of lies.
"No, my Lord," said Snape smoothly. "That is why I did not understand what was going on. I have tried to find some theories...but the magic of the Mind is not well researched and I have found little but my own thoughts to be useful."
"Ah yes," once more that chuckle exuded from somewhere in Voldemort's chest, sending a rumble of cold sound through the large room. Snape was grateful for the large number of books around them that sucked up the evil noise. "Your theories, Severus, are always amusing."
"Amusing, my Lord?" Snape let a little hurt show through.
"Do not be so touchy, Severus. I did not say they were not valid, I merely said that they were amusing. They allow me something else to concentrate on."
"Oh, I see, my Lord..." there was a slight silence as Snape fidgeted with his cloak's folds.
"Severus, do not sulk! You are too easy to read sometimes, my comrade!" he leant across and patted Severus' knee in something like a fatherly manner. Severus moved into the touch, which made Voldemort smile in a madman grin. "You like my attention too much Severus," he whispered. "But now I am giving you the opportunity to deserve it."
"My Lord?" Severus' face lit up with an expectant smile.
"You remember, Severus, when you first became my spy?"
Severus' face fell and shadows covered his eyes.
"Yes, my Lord...I was not very good..."
"That is true," Voldemort nodded his head gravely. "And you paid for your mistakes."
Severus shrunk away from the words, his body posture of a puppy remembering past grievances and wishing his master would forget them. "Those mistakes are gone, Severus...the ones that you paid for...but there is one, perhaps you know which, that still needs...remedying."
Snape, his face still to the floor, blinked foolishly a few times. Then, his face lighting once more, he looked to Voldemort with hope oozing from each crease on his face. "You will let me fix my mistake, my Lord? You will let me purge myself of my misinterpretation?"
"I see you know of what I speak," Voldemort nodded his head as if Snape's mental abilities were all his own doing. "Say it."
Snape let his eyes drop down but his head remained focused forwards.
"The...the p-pr-prophecy..."
"Look at me and say it!" Voldemort was not happy with Snape's open display of fear. "You are not a coward, Severus! I know that! Remember, Dumbledore and everyone else, remember what they called you! And remember," Voldemort's voice turned into a whisper once more, "remember that I know what you are..." Voldemort took Severus' face in a long white hand, his nails digging into Snape's gaunt jaw and forcing his head up to look him directly in his red eyes. "You are my eyes. You are my ears. I cannot have you fail me again."
"I will do anything, my Lord!" Severus stated boldly, his black eyes a pool of determination. "I will fix the mistake of the Prophesy! Tell me my mission, my Lord, and I will do it!"
"Very good!" whispered Voldemort, easing back into his large chair. "Very good."
. . .
Severus still didn't like being around Rookwood. This reaction was made all the more intense by the fact that he did not have any time to recover after his stint with the Dark Lord. He had been sent directly from the quiet Library, instructions in mind, into the stiflingly hot kitchen to find Rookwood waiting for him by the wood-based oven. Rookwood had thrown some powder into the oven that had turned the fire inside sparkling blue. A cold breeze blew onto Severus' face that reminded him much too much of Voldemort's cold laugh.
"After you," he had said to Rookwood who gave a visible shudder before climbing through the entrance of the oven. Snape took a breath and then followed the crawling figure through the oven. The oven burned a bright blue and then Snape realised that the entrance behind him was no longer there. They were in a tunnel that continued forwards in a blue haze of fire. Somewhere along the way, Severus was aware of a barrier opening and closing around him, and his Dark Mark tingled for a moment as if it had been disturbed. He did not like crawling on his hands and knees. He was a wizard; he either made the tunnel bigger or made himself smaller! But he dare not use his wand. Who knew what magic had been used to create this tunnel? Either way, he was stuck crawling and ruefully regretting his bony knees. Much later than he had hoped, Rookwood stopped.
"I don't think I need to tell you to be cautious, or quiet," Rookwood said nastily over his shoulder. "But I'll say it anyway. Be cautious. Be quiet."
And then Rookwood bent upwards and shifted something heavy above his head. When the heavy thing had been moved, he stood and pulled himself up the opening. Snape stared ahead of him; the tunnel still carried on. He wondered where else it lead, but Rookwood stuck his head down the hole and hissed, "Hurry up!" so Snape turned away and pulled himself up the hole.
Snape felt like his head had transported him back in time. He knew this room! This was the very same place that a trial was held by the Wizengamot in order to prove or disprove his innocence. How many court cases had been held in this room since then, he wondered.
"What the Dark Lord sees in you, I will never understand! Again, I say, hurry up!" Snape turned and saw Rookwood struggling to move the chained chair in the middle of the court room back over the tunnel they had just come through.
"Won't anyone else find that there someday?" asked Snape as he watched the hole disappear behind the heavy chair.
"It isn't permanent. I don't know how it works but it just does. If you moved that chair now, the tunnel would be gone."
"Then how are we getting back?" asked Snape slowly, not at all looking forward to breaking out of the Ministry for Magic and blowing his cover.
"No idea. I thought you were the brains of this duo."
"That's not difficult to conceive," whispered Snape as he strode across the court room to the door. He opened it a crack and peered outside. There was no one there that he could see. "Homenum Revelio," said Snape whilst pointing his wand in the direction down the hallway. No response.
"And?" asked Rookwood as Snape still did not move.
"The Order..." whispered Snape so that Rookwood had to take two steps closer to hear him.
"What's that?" asked Rookwood, his voice much louder than it should have been.
"The Order," repeated Snape. "They should have someone standing guard. Why isn't there anyone down here?"
"Lunch break, nap time, your guess is probably better than mine after all."
"Tch, not saying much," sneered Snape who then straightened and walked confidently down the hallway, Rookwood trotting unconcernedly at his heals. Snape could think of only one reason; Dumbledore had removed the Order from the entrance to the Department of Mysteries so that Snape could have safe passage. Damn that Dumbledore! He was making it too easy!
But then Dumbledore's words came back to Severus: "Don't touch anything!" Maybe this was going to be difficult enough without having the Order interfering.
Snape wound his way through the cold halls, appreciating the silent way the walls gobbled up the sound of their feet. The Dark Lord had said that their way would be clear within the Department for three hours, but no one had said anything about outside the department. He wondered again how he was going to get out of the Ministry, but vaguely he knew there was a plan.
Snape cast the spell to reveal presence a few times more, but still they encountered no one. A bad feeling was starting to crawl slowly up his neck.
"We're close now," said Rookwood as they passed another chamber on their left. "It should be along this hall now."
Snape knew where he was going; not only had he kept watch at the entrance to the department of Mysteries before but he had also seen the entrance a few too many times in Harry Potter's head. The Snake, Nagini, had been here before and attacked Ginny Weasley's father. A picture of Ginny, worried and awaiting news of her father, entered Snape's head and he fleetingly wondered if she would react like that if he ever was injured beyond repair. Luckily no such thing had ever happened to him; he was too strong for such things. But although he knew where he was going, Rookwood didn't know that, so he said, "You sure?"
"Yes! It's that door right there!" and Rookwood ran to the door, grasped its handle and opened it. Snape followed at a more orderly pace and then peered past Rookwood into a circular room with many doors.
"You used to work here, didn't you?" he asked Rookwood.
"Yes," said the Death Eater slowly, a crease along his brow. "But this is why the Dark Lord needs you; the place has changed since last I was here. It is the department of Mysteries after all – it changes itself once or twice every year."
"It changes itself? What if you are inside and it changes? And what if after we have mapped out the department it changes before the Dark Lord's plans come into action?"
"You doubt our Lord too easily," sneered Rookwood. "He has found a spell and moulded it. Once you plot the department on the paper that he has made, the Department won't be able to change at all ever! Unless the paper is destroyed, naturally."
"Naturally..." drawled Snape. So that was why the Dark Lord was in the Library; he was busy developing the paper that would allow Snape to map out the Department and fix it in place. He remembered something like it – it was Agricultural Magic if memory served him (and it did not fail him often). It was originally used to plot paths in woods and farms, so that the plotter's path would never be changed by growing nature. He had looked up magic mapping strategies shortly after discovering the Marauder's Map, jealous, and a little impressed, that someone else had made such a thing. But what the Dark Lord was planning on doing was more than just interceding nature. Magic was a much deeper element than merely earth or air. Magic, as an element, was everything combined. It was what lay between everything and held it together, between the very tiniest molecule and its brother. Even Muggles had magic in them, just not the ability to wield it. Did the Dark Lord have so much power that he could change the course of Magic?
His gut clenched. He did not like this. This was not good. Not right. He made his mind up on the spot; if ever he got the opportunity, he would destroy the map that he was about to make.
He stepped into the room, followed by Rookwood, and the door clicked shut behind them.
With a whirl of colour, the doors started spinning and the clench in Snape's stomach hardened. His eyes burned with the blue flames that blurred into a horizontal streak. He couldn't tell if it was the wall spinning or the floor. Either way, he didn't want it to stop. When it stopped he would have to start thinking. Start doing. And what he was about to do was very, very wrong. But he was going to do it in any case. With a blink, everything was still once more.
(A/N: And so Snape enters the Department of Mysteries! What awaits him in this unknown place? I have been planning the next chapter quite a bit considering we know so very little about the department, but if you have any suggestions then let me know! Then, because I could not say it at the top, let me say it now: Thank you for the reviews and the PM's! Every single one encourages me and inspires me! WonderWhiteRabbit hopping off)