A/N: Thank you for all of your support for this story. I really appreciate it!
Chapter 12
I stroll down the hallway and a sense of guilt strikes me. What is with these wayward feelings all of a sudden? As I approach Elena's room I see Alaric in the hallway.
"Why are you out here? Is everything okay?" I ask getting concerned that Elena's health took a turn for the worse.
"She's fine. I just wanted to talk to you before you see Elena. It came out how she really woke up. She remembers you covered in blood yesterday. She keeps saying she's fine, but I'm worried that she is too fine with all of this. I can see the guilt all over her face even though she is trying to hide it." Alaric said turning to look into Elena's room.
"Shit. Witchy and Blondie spilled, figures. I was worried about this." Shit. Shit. Shit. The last thing that girl needs is more guilt and especially over me. I yet again fail to ease her burden but seem to increase it.
"Just go easy on her, don't be your usual charming self." Alaric gives me a brief glare.
Alaric and I continue to talk as everyone files out of the room. I watch them walk down the hall for a minute before stepping inside. I lean against the doorframe looking at Elena. The bed is adjusted so she can sit up and she has her knees pulled to her chest staring out the window her back to me. She looks small and fragile in this moment.
"How's our little patient doing?"
Elena doesn't move. "Fine" she says quietly.
"Elena" I say quietly.
"I'm fine Damon." She still hasn't moved.
I cross the room and pull up a chair so I can look at her beautiful face. My heart feels like it's going to break looking at her. She has the same look as when Jeremy chopped off the hybrid's head on her front porch. Broken and full of despair and guilt.
"You know" I pretend to look around the room and drop my voice to a whisper, "it's okay to not be fine. No one else is here for you to put on the strong face for." I give her a small smile.
"I'm really fine." Elena still hasn't looked me in the eye.
"E-LE-NA" I place my hand under her chin and lift it so she is looking me in the eye. Her lip starts to quiver and the tears start to pool in her eyes.
"I'm sorry" she whispers.
"What are you sorry for?" I ask pulling my hand back in surprise.
"I hurt you." The flood gates on her tears open and they are freely falling down her face.
"Elena, I'm here in all my stud-ly glory, not a scratch." I reach up to wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb wishing I could make her feel better. My chest physically hurts at seeing her in such pain.
"You were covered in blood, and I-I remember hurting you other times, too didn't I?" Elena buries her head in her pillow and starts to sob. I'm actually relieved to see her cry. She keeps so much in. When I was in her mind I saw and felt the burden she carries and it's not healthy for someone so young.
"Hey" I move and sit on the edge of her bed my legs stretched out and pull her against me wrapping my arms around her. Elena sobs into my chest clutching at my shirt. "I'd have you stake me every day of the week if it means you're here with us. Just don't told tell Bonnie that. She may actually take me up on that offer." I feel her chuckle slightly against me and the sensation lightens my heart a bit.
"What did I do to you?" Elena asks. I can still feel her tears staining my shirt.
"What do you already know?" This conversation will be hard enough, no point in repeating things.
"Bonnie performed a spell that allowed you to enter my mind and access my memories to help figure out who compelled me." Elena offers.
"We assumed it was some new vampire in town and hoped we could see the memory of who did this to you. We then would find the vampire, nicely convince them that if they wanted to live another day they would reverse the compulsion."
"But" Elena sighed, "our plans never work out so simply, do they?"
I couldn't help but laugh. "No, they don't. I found memories someone had compelled you to forget." Elena looks up at me and sadness clenches my heart which is weird because I have actually been terrified of this moment since I unlocked the memory where I told her I loved her. I quickly look away.
"Once we started unlocking the memories we realized that things were much worse than we originally thought. Finding the perpetrator to reverse the compulsion was no longer an option, we had to break the compulsion ourselves." I explain.
"But I still don't understand how you got hurt. I have these fleeting images but I can't fully piece anything together." The tears seemed to have finally stopped.
"When Bonnie sent me into your mind, your subconscious knew I didn't belong there and fought to get me out. Alaric and I should be patting ourselves on the back. The training obviously has helped because your subconscious kicked my ass. Some of your fears also manifested which I went a round or two with as well."
"My fears tried to hurt you as well? What fears did you see?" Elena asks warily.
"Vampires, hybrids, and originals oh, my." I do my eye thing at her that she secretly loves. I decide to leave off the Katherine fear for now. She knows what she is scared of, I don't need to remind her anymore than I already am.
"You shouldn't have risked it Damon." Elena says firmly.
"I'm fine…you're wake. It was a win-win." I quip.
"You guys can't take any more risks for me. Everyone's lives were destroyed in some way when we dealt with the last big evil…Klaus. Caroline almost died and lost Tyler as a boyfriend, Jeremy was shot and brought back to life, Bonnie and Jeremy never recovered their relationship. Matt had to go through the pain of losing his sister all over again. I lost Jenna, John, Isabel and nearly lost Alaric and Jeremy and you nearly lost your brother. On top of all of that you were nearly killed about a dozen times. No one deserves to go through that again with whatever new evil is coming for me." Elena tries to push herself more upright glaring at me.
"I know that tone and look. Don't start plotting and planning how to be a martyr. Let's just figure out what is coming first before you start going kamikaze on us. You think you wouldn't survive another loss, but we wouldn't survive if we lost you." Elena looks at me opening and closing her mouth. At least I can render her for speechless for something. I would rather it be because of mind blowing sex, but I will take winning an argument in this moment.
"Alaric has everyone in research mode. You know patience is not my strong suite but let's wait and see what the Scooby gang uncovers before one of us goes off and does something stupid and dangerous. Agreed?" I smirk at her.
"Damon" Elena says with a tone of exasperation.
"You didn't say, NO, so we are in agreement." I say smugly as I lean back against the bed again. Elena settles back as well leaning against my shoulder with a sigh.
We sit together in silence for a while. I realize Elena's breathing has evened out and her heart rate has slowed. I look down and realize she has fallen asleep. I lean over and kiss the top of her head and smile into her hair at the feeling of peace I feel with her sleeping leaning against me. I move her up upright so I can slide off the bed, lower the hospital bed so she is lying flat and pull the blanket around her tightly.
Slouching down in my chair I close my eyes and try to relax. The dreaded conversation about my compulsion hasn't happened yet. Plus I haven't even told her about being able to hear her perspective on her memories. That should be a fun revelation as well. I am so screwed.
Elena had only been sleeping for about an hour when I start to hear her shift around the bed. I open my eyes and see her thrashing her head around a bit. She must be dreaming.
"STOP. Don't touch me." Elena starts thrashing around on the bed more violently.
"Elena, Elena, wake up. You're dreaming." I say gently.
"Please, it doesn't have to be this way" she yells.
I stand up and gently shake her shoulder. "Elena, wake up."
Elena surprises me by throwing a punch and catches me in the stomach. Damn, good form for that punch and it had more power behind it than I thought it would. She swings at me again, but I move slightly and the punch just moves through the air. Worried she might break her hand if she connects another punch I grab her wrists in one hand to stop her punching me. Reaching up I cup her face with my other hand.
"ELENA." I say forcefully. Her eyes snap open and she stares at me for a second. I immediately release her wrist so as not to scare her.
"Hey, it was just a nightmare" I whisper.
Elena starts grabbing at the blankets which had become tangled around her legs when she was thrashing around in her sleep. I just stare at her for a second frozen unsure what she is doing before reaching and trying to steady her hands.
"Elena, Elena. You were having a nightmare." Elena tries to slap my hands away. She manages to kick the blanket off of her and it lands on the floor. She grabs at her the bottom of her hospital gown and I realize what her nightmare was about. The cemetery. I sit on the edge of the bed facing her and pull her against me pinning her arms to her sides.
"Elena, it happened. I'm sorry I unlocked the memory. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." Elena struggles against me for a minute before leaning her forehead against my chest and the rest of body collapses against me.
"He fed off me near my parent's graves? You saw it?" I push her up but her head is still looking down at the bed.
"I saw it" I confirm sadly.
"Jeremy dropped me off at the cemetery that day so I could visit everyone. I had plans with Caroline and Matt later. When they came to pick me up they honked the horn to let me know they were there. If they hadn't honked, I would have, he would have" Elena says softly.
I am trying to fight back the anger from the memory. Me going postal won't help Elena get through this. When I get my hands on that little hybrid, he will suffer and wish he and never been born let alone turned.
"I tried to get away. I didn't want him to touch me." Elena says softly. She is staring at the bed.
"Elena, he was a hybrid." I cup her face and force her to look at me. "I saw how hard you tried to get away. You managed to get him off of you. In another memory I saw you stake another hybrid. Other than Alaric, I don't know any other human that could have defended themselves so well. You're Buffy and Zena rolled into one. I should know. I helped train you." I say firmly.
"I should have fought harder, Damon." Tears start to spill down her cheeks again. I don't know how to make her understand her strength. I pull her against my chest and stroke her hair.
"No, you shouldn't have been in danger in the first place. I know you well enough to know I can't keep you out of the fight, but me, Stefan, Alaric, someone, should have been there to help you, to help keep you safe." I will never forgive myself for letting this happen to her.
Elena shakes her head. "You can't be with me every second, Damon. I can't be the damsel in distress you all need to save. You have your own life. You've given up so much of your life already to protect me." She pushes herself aware from me and stares at me. A little bit of the fire seems to have come back into her eyes.
"I'm a sucker for a bad-ass woman in need of help from time to time. If you were some weak little girl looking for a savior I wouldn't still be here. I don't do damsel in distress. Well, maybe I've dabbled with a damsel or two in my day." I wiggle my eyebrows at her. Sexual innuendo to ease the tension. My favorite technique.
"Da-mon" she draws out looking back at the bed.
"E-le-na" I mimic. "You're the strongest person I know. I could feel how scared you were. It would have paralyzed anyone else, but you fought with everything you had. I wish I could have kept the memory away."
"No, I need to know and remember. Remember all of it." She looks at me and stares me into my eyes. We continue to stare at each for a while.
"Why did you do it? Why did you compel the confession away?" Elena asks.
Fuck me. "It wasn't the only time feelings spewed from my mouth." I already hate this conversation.
"But why make me forget?" She presses.
"Because I am a prick, asshole, dick. I am sure there are more adjectives I could use." No sense in sugar coating things.
"I thought we had an understanding that you would never use compulsion on me." Elena admonishes.
"I'm a rule breaker, what can I say." Elena gives the 'stop your bullshit' look. I am totally whipped.
"I am sorry I compelled you. It was something I felt like I had to say, but I knew you didn't want to hear it. Stefan is the better brother and for once I was trying to do the right thing. Mark it on your calendar, it doesn't happen often."
"Why did you say you didn't deserve me?" Elena asks with a sigh.
"You have met me, right? I go back to my previous statement. Prick, asshole, dick. I'll throw in psychotic mass murder as well." I sigh. "Stefan is the good brother and deserves you."
"We both know you're not that person anymore." I shift on the bed so I am sitting next to her again and she leans back on the bed. "Stefan told me something similar once."
"I know." I admit. Elena turns her head to look at me.
"He told you?" Elena asks in surprise.
"No, it was one of the memories I saw from when you and Bonnie went after her mom." I also seem to recall Stefan digging at me that night as well.
"You and Stefan can't put me on a pedestal. I've done plenty of horrible things. Things my parents would be ashamed of me doing."
"That's where you're wrong Elena. Stefan and I are killers. It may be the vampire's nature to kill, but we still have choices. We chose often enough to kill usually just because we wanted to. Anything you have done is because you were trying to survive and protect those close to you. It's a huge difference." This girl is pure and good despite everything horrible that my brother and I have brought into her life.
"Just never think you're not worthy and deserving of good things Damon. Never think you're not worthy of being loved. There is no good brother, evil brother. We've all made mistakes and we just need to try to live the best lives we can." I wish I could believe her, but I know that I will never be loved like she loves Stefan.
" You…you and Stefan have both done so much to protect me and this town. You both deserve to be happy." She gives me a small smile.
I put my arm around her and give her a small hug. "Get some sleep." Retrieving the blanket from the floor I cover her back up and settle back in my chair. I rest a hand on the side of the bed and prop my feet up. A long time passes and I can tell Elena is fighting going back to sleep. I feel a warmth on my hand as Elena puts her hand on my mine. I stroke her hand with my thumb.
"Nothing will hurt you, Elena. I'll be here while you're sleeping and will be here when you wake up." A few minutes later her breathing evens out, but I leave my hand where it is under Elena's. These intimate moments are few and far between for us. I'm whipped and in love with this girl so I'll take whatever little moments I can get.
Alaric arrives in the morning while Elena is still sleeping. Before he can say anything I point to the hallway and he turns around heading back through the door.
"Rough night?" Alaric asks looking me up and down.
I rub at my eyes and nod my head. "Elena had nightmares most of the night about the night in the cemetery." I lean against the wall.
Alaric paces a bit in the hall. "I'm worried this might be what finally breaks her."
"She's already read me the riot act about taking risks to save her. That girl is a mountain of strength. She's minutes away from plotting some new way to martyr herself for the rest of us." I cross my arms over my chest shaking my head.
"That makes me a feel a bit better. She's still the stubborn Gilbert we know and love." Alaric chuckles.
"Where is everybody else?" I ask looking up and down the hall.
"Research. The physical therapist comes today to do an assessment on her and see how strong she is and if therapy is needed or not. She's weak from the coma. I didn't think she would want everyone there to watch her struggle nor did they need to see her go through that either. And don't start with the Dad comments. You're making me feel old which is sad since you're older than dirt." Alaric gives me a look I can only assume he reserves for students that have pissed him off in class.
"Did I hurt little Ricky's feelings." I give him a fake pouty face.
"Dick" he mutters. Alaric starts to head into the room and as I start to follow my phone vibrates in my pocket. Pulling it out I see a text message from Stefan.
"Little brother's coming over this afternoon." I say to Alaric who sits down across the bed from me.
Caroline arrives a minute before a nurse shows up to take out Elena's IV and help her change out of the hospital gown and into the clothes that Caroline had brought with her. Alaric and I move into the hall while the nurse is with her leaving Caroline to stay with Elena. When done, Caroline heads back to help with the research and then the doctors and physician therapist show up. I stay in the hall while Alaric goes in with her during the assessment. Alaric, the doctor and physician therapist walk out of the room almost an hour later. I reach out with my senses and can hear that Elena is already sleeping.
"Elena must have been in incredible shape before the accident. She's lost muscle tone and is weak, but she is in better shape than other coma patients I have worked with. She doesn't need intensive therapy but just needs to rebuild endurance. The strength will return as her endurance increases. The goal will be to get her up and moving as much as possible. Get her up and walking around the halls. When she is up to it, walk her around the hospital grounds. Get her to go longer and longer each time. As you see she is already exhausted and that is too be expected. It will take a few weeks for her to regain what she lost." Alaric reaches out and shakes the hand of the physical therapist who then heads down the hall.
"Let's give her a few more days to gain some strength back under our supervision and gain some weight then we can send her home." The doctor said with a smile.
Sitting in my corner I watch Alaric and Elena talking. After a while, Alaric gets up and starts heading for the door.
"I'm going to grab some coffee, want anything?" Alaric looks at me. I just shake my head. Once in the hall I hear him talking to Stefan. Great, how long before I get another lecture about Elena? Looking for something to distract me so I don't say something to start a fight I notice a magazine on the chair next to me. Caroline had left one of her Cosmo magazines. I pick it up and almost laugh out loud when I read one of the headlines on the cover.
Stefan walks into the room. "Elena, how are you feeling today?" Stefan kisses her forehead.
"Fine, Stefan. Thanks for asking." She gives him a half smile looking down at her blanket.
"Damon, I didn't think you would still be here." Stefan looks at me as he sits in a chair next to Elena's bed.
"Oh, I'm just here catching up on some reading." I hold up the Cosmo. "There is a fascinating article on how to make a woman orgasm. You would probably find it educational. Maybe add some things to your repertoire." I wiggle my eyebrows at him and smirk in Elena's direction. Her eyes go wide for a second before she turns ten shades of red and Stefan turns around ignoring me shaking his head.
Elena sits herself up and swings her legs over the side of the bed.
"What are you doing?" Stefan asks in alarm.
"I'm going to get my shoes and hoody on. They said I can go home when I get some strength back and I want out of here. I'm going to walk the halls."
"Where are your shoes, I'll get them. You shouldn't push yourself too hard yet." Stefan starts looking around the room. I glance down and see her running shoes peeking out from under my chair.
Stefan finds her hoody on the back of the chair Alaric had been sitting in. Grabbing it he moved to stand in front of her so she can't get off the bed. He starts helping her put it on. Elena shoves her arms into the sleeves as he holds it and then zips it up for her before she can reach for the zipper herself. She gives him a brief glare.
"Thanks Stefan, but I need to do these things for myself. Something is coming and it's bad enough I am a liability as a human, but you don't need me in a weakened state on top of it" Elena huffs.
"You will not be lifting a finger to deal with whatever is coming. We will protect you and you will stay out of any fighting" Stefan says firmly.
"Stay put, I'll find your shoes." Stefan starts looking around again.
Frustration feels like it is coursing through my veins. The strength of the emotion surprises me. I look at Elena and see her look at the ground with a scowl. From our conversation last night she feels weak and feeble as it is and baby brother isn't helping the situation. Elena needs to feel empowered and strong otherwise Alaric is right, this may break her.
"Elena didn't you mention something about wanting juice before you went for your walk?" I wink at her. Maybe this will get Stefan out of the room for a few minutes to stop smothering her.
"Huh?" She looks at me with a confused expression then she seems to catch on as I look from her to Stefan. "Oh, yeah. I did want some juice."
"I'll get it" Stefan says running out the door.
I reach down and hold up her shoes but remain in my chair. "Found your shoes." I smirk.
"Thanks." She slowly walks over to me taking her shoes and sits in the chair next to me. I can already hear her breathing heavy.
"He means well, he just tends to be a bit over protective. " She says idly. I was uncertain if she was saying it to me or to herself.
Elena slides her shoes on and it takes her minute to tie the laces as she keeps flexing her fingers. Every part of her body must be stiff and sore. I am tempted to help her, but I know from the exchange with Stefan a minute ago that is the last thing she wants or needs. She finishes with the laces and sits back up still breathing a bit heavy.
"What did that magazine ever do to you?" Elena asks with a smile.
"What?" I look at her confused.
She motions to the magazine in my hand. I look down and it is crumbled and mangled in my hand. This is something I normally would do out of frustration. Why do I feel frustrated? Where the hell are all of these weird feeling coming from lately?
A/N: Please review!