CHAPTER TWELVE
"TINO!" Elsa shouted, hands cupped around her mouth. "What did I say about stepping off the path?!"
The boy looked startled as he glanced back at Elsa. While he was talking to Carver, he had accidentally drifted too far and when he looked down, he noticed a large patch of poison ivy mere inches from his left foot. He smiled bashfully at the counsellor before correcting his path, ignoring Carver's playful teases.
"Good thing you noticed," Anna said between chuckles.
"Yes, I suppose," she sighed, running a hand through her bangs as they continued to plod through the trees. The hike had begun not too long after dawn, and she was feeling rather drained from only getting almost her usual seven hours of sleep. But having Anna at her side to help watch for stragglers helped immensely.
Anna, in contrast, looked as energetic as she always did despite her own lack of sleep. There was a lively spring to her step and she was humming a cheerful song. Her hand was clasped in Elsa's and occasionally Anna would swing their arms between them in time with the melody.
"You're such a ray of sunshine," Elsa said in a deadpan, though she was smirking in spite of her feigned tone.
"And you're a dark storm cloud," Anna retaliated, grinning back at the winter blonde. "That just means we complement each other," she laughed and gave their arms another light swing. "Besides, you love it."
Her tone was clearly teasing but there was a small blush on her face and a hesitation that hinted it was more than that. Elsa felt herself grinning and blushing just as much, even though she couldn't quite place why. "Maybe I do." Then she decided it was time to stop avoiding the deeper topics; she had been doing that all morning. "Are all bisexual girls this… I dunno, cute? Charming? Some word like that."
Anna's eyes shone with unbridled delight at the progressive question, "Nope, that's just me." She winked playfully before dissolving into a small fit of giggles. "But in all seriousness, Bi girls are just like everyone else. We're all as different, we all have our own personalities, good and bad. Esme's a shameless flirt, for example, and I knew another girl who was an abuser to her girlfriend… so no, not all of us are as 'charming', but some are, just like straight girls."
Elsa found herself taken aback. "This girl abused her girlfriend? I didn't think women did that. Not even to other women."
"Aggression and abuse doesn't have a gender," Anna explained patiently. "You just don't hear about female abusers as much because if the victim is male, they're more often than not too humiliated and embarrassed to come forward about it. If it's a homosexual relationship…" Anna paused and let out a sigh. "Fear of being outted is a factor, especially if the victim is in the closet or hiding the relationship. If they tried to leave and the abuser were to blab, it could create a severe impact on the victim so most just find it easier to stay and take it…"
"So… I don't understand, wouldn't it be better to escape the abuse? Surely being out can't be as bad as being hurt by your own girlfriend. That just sounds horrible."
"Sometimes the alternative is worse," Anna pointed out gravely. "Say the victim had a homophobic parent that they lived with and weren't out to. Then their abuser reveals something, maybe a photo. Suddenly the parent, and potentially all their friends, knows that not only are they in a homosexual relationship but that they kept it hidden from them and lied about it. Best case scenario, the parent accepts them but still feels upset they were lied to. Middle case may mean that they now live with a passive aggressive parent that makes their life miserable, but the worst case… disownment, being kicked out of their home, maybe even being beaten. Most of the victims don't want to chance that…"
Elsa blinked a few times, looking away from Anna as she processed that information. It sounded truly awful. Really, in a way, that had been what Anna herself went through, though she was lucky enough to have one of her two parents on her side. What if their parents had both been like her mother? Would they have thrown her out onto the street?
"What about," she finally asked in a weak voice, "those parents who sent their gay children to camps? Isn't that a better alternative, to try to show them a different way?"
"Picture this, Elsa," Anna said firmly. "Say that, hypothetically, Mama is the opposite of how she is and she forces you to go to a camp meant to turn you gay. Imagine being forced to endure hours of being told how you aren't right in the head. That being straight is an illness that needs to be cured and that cure is a mix of psychological 'therapy' and maybe even drugs that they force you to take to curb your 'unnatural urges.' Does that sound any better to you?"
Gulping, Elsa whispered, "Come on, it can't be that horrible. But… no, it doesn't sound fair, you're right. I would be doing everything I could to break out of there."
"Unfortunately, we live in a world that sees homosexuality as something alien. A lot of it does, anyway. Those like me are usually seen as… not human, even though we are exactly the same as everyone else. It's the same as being racist, in a sense. How people judge a person of colour despite the fact that they are just as human as people with white skin. That's kind of how some look at homosexuality, even if it's just as much a part of us. We can't 'stop being gay' just like a black person can't 'stop being black.' It's impossible no matter what people try to do or say to convince you, and there's nothing wrong with being that way to begin with. Forcing someone to go to a camp telling them how that part of themselves needs to be changed for people to accept them… it's just cruel and ignorant, and it isn't right."
"Well… yes, maybe forcing them to go…" She shook her head, looking truly regretful. "I know you're going to be disappointed, but I still don't know if being gay is as much a part of you as your skin colour. But yeah, if the camps are that bad, then it really is cruel. I'm so glad you were never sent to one against your will."
"I'm just relieved that you're trying to understand," Anna said softly, giving Elsa's hand a squeeze. "That means so much more to me than you know. I don't blame you for your views since that was what you were raised with… so even if you say things that may hurt, I know now that it's not because you're being cruel, but because you don't know any better."
The longer they talked about that particular subject, the harder it was for Elsa to keep holding Anna's hand. Mostly because she found herself enjoying it so deeply; it wasn't supposed to feel like that, was it? Then again, she had never held hands with anyone besides family members, and even then she had not for years. She felt so close to her, being with her was so effortless.
"Anna… I have to tell you something." When Anna only waited, she went on, "Last night, I called Mom. And um, it wasn't easy, but I got her to admit what she did."
"I see," she said, clearly trying to keep her face as calm as possible. "What did she say…?"
"Oh, a lot of the things I expected. You being 'sinful' and 'unnatural'. And she claimed that she was hiding the truth to protect me! From you! I mean… does she really think my mind is so weak that I'll 'catch' bisexuality from you if we have a simple conversation?!"
Anna chuckled but it lacked its usual cheer. "According to Papa, she accused him of turning me gay because he had one conversation with a gay man which somehow turned him the same way," she scoffed slightly and smiled. "He shut her up by sending her a really clear picture of him kissing his then-girlfriend. I'm honestly not surprised that's what she thought." She gripped Elsa's hand just a little tighter and tried to keep a brave face, but she still couldn't keep the small waver out of her voice when she finally got the courage to ask, "Does she hate me, Elsa?"
Frowning and sighing, Elsa chose her words carefully. "I think… it's almost as if she thinks you're not the same Anna as you were before. That she still loves 'good Anna', and resents 'evil Anna' for taking her place. I know that sounds stupid, but the way she was talking about you really sounds that way."
"She's going to be real disappointed when she figures out they are the same person," Anna grunted. "I mean… I expected it and I had little doubt that's what she thought… I thought I was over it, but having it confirmed…" Anna sighed again. "Oh well, at least I have you again; that's more than enough."
"You really do. Because… oh, you just really seem like the same old Anna to me, so I don't know what my mother is so upset about. Besides that she's too hyperfocused on this one issue, of course." Leaning over, she whispered to Anna, "But if you don't mind me saying so… you don't look like what I expected a gay person to look like. Are all your tattoos and piercings just hidden under that camper uniform?"
The statement was absurd enough to prompt a laugh despite Anna's low spirits, significantly lifting them again. "You stinker!" She giggled and shook her head. "Of course, my 'I'm a lesbian' tattoo is on my boob; it's where we all have one to tell each other apart from those dreaded straights. And I left my rainbow piercing back at the house." She tapped Elsa's nose playfully. "And you forgot to ask about the plaid shirt and ripped jeans."
"You really have… where does the piercing go? And plaid shirts, ripped jeans? What else don't I know?" Her head was reeling. She really was ignorant of the world to have missed all of these things.
Anna burst into more giggles. "God, Snowflake, I'm kidding!" She shook her head and grinned. "If it was that easy to tell lesbians apart from other girls, I would have a heck of a lot more luck flirting with someone actually interested. What did you think gay person even looks like?"
After a second for her mind to catch up to the conversation, Elsa huffed and turned away, cheeks burning. "W-well, how should I know? Don't tease me! I already told you that you're the first one I've ever met!"
"Oh Elsa," Anna said fondly and she gave Elsa a kiss on the jaw as an apology for the teasing. That only made her cheeks burn brighter. "Gay people look like everyone else, trust me. Sure, you'll meet the occasional one that meets the stereotypes, but more often than not, you'll find yourself talking to someone who's gay and you'll never know the difference."
"Really? O-oh." She thought about that as they walked along. It was true; she would never in a thousand years have guessed that Anna was anything other than another straight girl. Which begged the question… "So could I have met other gay people before… and just not known it? That seems so strange…"
"It sounds strange but it really isn't." She gave Elsa's shoulder a pat, smiling up at her. "Any more questions you would like to know?"
"Oh, plenty! I'm just not sure if I can think of them. This is all so new." One thing did stand out in her memory. "Mother said… that you had 'lay with a woman'. Or she started to say it. She might have been being too biblical, but um, have you? Gone that far, I mean."
Anna suddenly blushed and looked a tad uncomfortable as she admitted, "I came close. Um… sorry in advance if I make you uncomfortable." She shuffled her feet. "I… had been drinking, not a lot but more than enough to get my head swimming. Esme managed to talk me into kissing, and it escalated." She blushed harder. "My clothes were off and she got… very close, but I panicked and we stopped."
Anna's cheeks weren't the only ones aflame. Elsa opened her mouth to say "I'm glad she stopped". Instead, what came out was, "Close to what?"
"Y-you know," Anna said, getting flustered, "The S word." Elsa's completely blank look did not change. "Sex, Elsa, she got really close to vag!" Anna buried her face into her hands and prayed that no one else heard her. "I-it felt good, but it scared me so I stopped her; I didn't want my first time to be while drunk."
Elsa did not reply. She was too busy feeling a complete and utter panic inside of her brain. Never had she thought she would be that concerned about her sister's sex life; she expected it to come up in conversation someday, but why did she care? Why was she picturing it? Trying to shake that loose as quickly as she could, she cleared her throat.
"W-well, that would have scared me, too," she finally was able to answer. "I… I haven't gotten as far as you, even. I've never really dated. Some guys catch my eye, but thinking about asking them out, or them asking me out, I'm too nervous. I don't know."
Anna, glad for the distraction, lifted her face out of her arms. "You're beautiful, Elsa; you deserve someone extra special." She smiled brightly. "Don't worry, you'll find the one for you and when you do, I'll help you nab him!"
"I'm sure you will." Grinning, she reached down and took up Anna's hand. "And… not that I'd have any idea how to do this, but I'll help you get the… girl for you? Or a boy, if it's a boy. I, um, I'm trying my best."
"Thanks, Sis," Anna said sincerely, and in a strangely playful twist, she lifted the hand in hers to place a kiss on the knuckle like a gentleman. She looked like she was trying not to giggle. "It would be an honor."
Again, she found herself flushed for no reason. Grinning widely, she pressed her other hand to the center of her chest, laughing like a high society lady from another time. "Goodness, but you could turn a young girl's head!"
"I aim to please, my lady." Anna winked and started to massage Elsa's fingers in her gentle grip, carefully easing the tension in the elegant digits. "And if a beautiful lady like you desires, I can do much more to please you." Her voice was soft and seductive even as her eyes had a playful twinkle in them.
The next laugh was a lot more earnest, and giddy, and discomfited. "I, erm…" Why couldn't she move? She wanted to tell Anna that she was so funny, and maybe that her lesbian skills were clearly at a pretty high level if she could pull off saying things like that so smoothly. However, all she could do was keep giggling and feeling her face grow warmer.
Suddenly the playfulness dimmed and the suave facade was replaced by Anna chewing on her lower lip awkwardly, her face flushed a deep crimson. "I-I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I?" she asked in nervous concern.
Before Elsa could speak, there was a snapping of a branch from further down the path. It seemed to bring her back to her senses, and she pulled her hand out of Anna's reach.
"W-we should go," she breathed, glancing around nervously. "Before they… wonder what's taking us so long."
Anna looked back in confusion, curious about the noise for a brief moment before she took Elsa's advice and started quietly walking after her. Occasionally she would glance at Elsa's hand before shaking her head and blushing, making no move to take it back even though it was obvious she wanted to.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," she finally spoke up after a few minutes.
"What? Oh… I, um… no. Well, maybe, but not… not that bad." There was no reason for her to be this nervous. Not about Anna. Perhaps that time they spent apart had made it difficult for her to feel completely at ease with her again. But seeing Anna glancing at her hand over and over made her press through some of her nervousness. "I don't mind," she breathed as she caught up Anna's and squeezed it.
Anna beamed and squeezed back. "I didn't mean to make it awkward, I was just playing," she laughed nervously, but then decided to drop the subject so she didn't make it worse. "What was that noise back there?"
"Probably one of the kids. Or a moose. Who knows?" She swung their arms back and forth as they walked to catch up with the group. "And… you keep 'playing' like that, maybe Mother's prediction will come true."
"Why do you say that?" Anna asked her, peering at her sister curiously.
"Because you'll turn me into a lesbian. I've never had a boy be so cute and so gallant at the same time the way you were back there."
Anna giggled bashfully. "That's not quite how it works, Elsa," she commented, but she didn't look as ashamed as she had been before. "But thanks, I'm glad to know I'm charming." She flashed a big grin. "If I can charm you, I think I may just be set for life."
The way her heart raced worried Elsa in a vague, distant way. But she didn't care; all she did was smile, squeeze her sister's hand again and murmur warmly, "You may just be."
To Be Continued...
