Obligatory Disclaimer: Dark Horse and Mr. Mignola own all, save for my own original characters. A special thank you to Guillermo del Toro for bringing this wonderful character to my attention.

Hellboy stepped through the French doors that led to his patio, unlit cigarette in his left hand. Sleep still clung to him as he stumbled across the flagstones, tugging at the drawstring of his grey pajama bottoms. A black tank top had been swung carelessly over his shoulder, forgotten about almost as soon as it landed. He silently cursed himself for leaving his mug of coffee on the kitchen counter, but he needed fresh air more than caffeine at that moment… even if he did plan on spiking it with nicotine.

Leaning against the stone railing, he pulled a lighter from his pants pocket, then cupped his hands and lit his smoke. Taking a long drag, Hellboy closed his eyes as the nicotine coursed through his veins. A fierce wind was blowing, preceding an impending storm that was due to hit Fairfield later that morning.

Casting a glance over his shoulder, Hellboy saw that the thermometer read 29 degrees. Shaking his head slightly as he took another drag, a chuckle rumbled out of his chest. Even bare-chested, he hadn't noticed just how chilly it was. Grabbing his tank top from his shoulder, Hellboy lipped his cig and was about to don the garment when he realized two things – a tank top wouldn't keep him warm and, frankly, he wasn't cold. So he tossed it towards the French doors, grateful that it caught on the handles.

There were a few advantages to his pedigree and being impervious to the cold – or heat – was one of them. The other advantages… are escaping me at the moment. But despite being practically immune to varying temperatures, Hellboy still shivered involuntarily. The storm was bringing in dropping temperatures… and snow and ice.

Stuff that didn't affect him in the least, but would have a direct impact on Torie's flight.

Torie was going to be returning from Spain later that day. Ever since she took the position of diplomatic relations consultant that Manning offered, Hellboy had to admit that his jobs were a lot easier… sometimes evaporating altogether. Because she was so good at her job, there was very little overlap in their schedules. But after a few attempts of Torie staying on the case an extra day – and finding the situations less than romantic – the couple opted to schedule time each month where they could have long weekends to themselves.

Or so they tried.

It would seem that the fates would conspire against them more often than not just – and often just as they were getting ready to leave for a cozy weekend. Sometimes it would be that Manning 'forgot' to tell Hellboy that he was supposed to speak at the Pentagon… or some other government briefing. Other times, it was due to a last-minute request for Torie to sub as an instructor for a new recruit class. Though there was much teeth gnashing, especially on Hellboy's part, never was it an obstacle that they could refuse.

But Hellboy was insisting that upon Torie's return they hole up at her place, turning off all phones, beepers and internet connections, having a much-needed 'stay-cation.' And to prepare for their hibernation, Hellboy had already threatened that if anybody showed up at Torie's apartment, he would shoot them without remorse.

And as part of his plan, Hellboy had also stockpiled Torie's refrigerator and pantry with plenty of healthy and downright decadent foodstuffs and beverages that he could pile in a shopping cart. He wanted to take no chances in Torie suggesting pizza delivery for dinner; everything he purchased could be heated and eaten within ten minutes of going into the oven.

Hellboy shook loose another cigarette as he ground out the butt of his first in an ashtray Torie had not-so-subtly set out one day. He smiled grimly and stretched, cig resting on his bottom lip, lighter firmly in hand. His bones ached and his muscles yelled in protest. It would seem that the injuries he sustained in his last mission were lingering still. That's annoying. I was gone for less than a day, been back for three and I still get twinges of pain. Maybe I should get looked at later. Hellboy then took a long drag on his cigarette, thinking. Nah, might cut into my time with Torie. Just suck it up, old man.

She had been gone for just under a week, but it seemed so much longer. Hellboy had gone to her apartment once to water her plants and deliver the groceries, but her dog Lance was rooming with Liz. Although the dog loved his momma, Hellboy's fellow agent was a fair substitute in Torie's absence. And although Liz considered herself a 'cat person,' she admitted that giving up the pooch upon Torie's returns was becoming more and more difficult. So difficult, in fact, that Liz was contemplating getting a dog of her own.

Hellboy smiled at the thought that Torie was starting to wind through the lives of his friends, not just his own.

The breeze tugged at his hair and for a moment he contemplated pulling his ponytail holder out, but because it was exactly something Torie would do, he balled his itchy fingers into a fist. Hellboy knew that couples picked up each other's mannerisms, but whenever he caught himself doing something that she would instinctively do, it made him miss Torie all that much more.

He loved loving Torie, but hated the way he felt and acted when she wasn't around.

Which is why he felt that he was standing on the cusp of something very exhilarating and frightening… and possibly devastating… to his relationship with Torie.

A ring sat in a box inside his top dresser drawer. Two weeks ago, when he had been going through his father's belongings that were painstakingly boxed up after Professor Broom's death, Hellboy began rummaging through a box of knickknacks and trinkets. Buried at the bottom of the cardboard box, tucked away inside an old envelope was his grandmother's wedding ring. Afraid of the thought that immediately entered his mind upon seeing it, Hellboy tucked the ring into a box that was empty in the carton, then placed the ring inside his dresser drawer to deal with later.

It called to him, like a siren's song, every moment of every day ever since. Give me to Torie.

Shaking his head in an attempt to clear his mind of the racing thoughts clogging his mind, Hellboy pushed himself off the balustrade and crushed out his cigarette before making his way towards the double French doors – and his tossed tank top. Since he was meeting Liz for breakfast down in the Commons, he needed to shake a leg if he was going to grab a shower and not keep his friend waiting.

As he walked back into his apartment, Hellboy reverently touched the plaque he had picked up in his travels many years ago that hung over his doorway.

Those who fight with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze into the abyss, take care that the abyss does not gaze into you.

~ Nietzsche

Once inside his bedroom, after giving his feline roommates the chin rubs they demanded, Hellboy looked at his alarm clock and realized that he has wasted too much time outside to have time for a shower. After quickly donning a pair of black pants and a black t-shirt, Hellboy spun around to grab his access card off his nightstand. As he did so, he managed to catch a glimpse of himself in the dresser mirror and grimaced, as if in pain, at his reflection. The red skin. The filed-down horns. The massive right hand. The yellow eyes. The prehensile tail.

Pressing his lips together until a white line formed, Hellboy wanted to look away, as he always did, but forced himself to really take inventory of his looks. Torie didn't find him repulsive, not in the least. But he saw the looks that others gave him, even when they were pretending otherwise. He was scary. He was different. He was not human.

And there was no changing that, no matter how hard he wished or tried.

He suddenly remembered looking out at the night sky as a small child – if one could ever say I was really ever small – and wished on every first star he saw that night to wake up the next morning looking like the human boy he so desperately wished to be.

She's going to want a child. You can't give her a baby.

Hellboy gripped the edge of the dresser and closed his eyes. Visions of Torie cradling a baby in her arms danced behind his lids. Visions of a baby that was happy, healthy… and decidedly not red.

But I was adopted. Nothing says that she – we – can't adopt.

Sighing heavily, Hellboy opened his eyes and gave himself one more glance in the mirror before pushing off the piece of furniture and leaving the bedroom.

She's going to come to her senses one of these days and leave you. Don't make her think about it any sooner than it's naturally going to happen. Because you know that it will happen. Ride the tide until it peters out.

Shutting the front door behind him with a soft click, Hellboy jiggled the doorknob to make sure that it was locked, then began to shuffle down the hallway towards the dining area.

But, if she hasn't left by now, maybe she won't. I mean, she's seen some stuff that would terrify even the most hardened paranormal scholar.

When two agents walked past him, Hellboy didn't even notice until they were already 10 yards behind him. Too late, he turned around to wave, only to see the backs of their heads shake in disbelief as they muttered amongst themselves.

Aw geez! Here you are, having a conversation with yourself. If you need a pep talk, give up the fight. What the fuck are you thinking, old man?

***

Hellboy walked into the dining room and after scanning the crowd, saw Liz curled up in an overstuffed chair in the corner, her nose firmly in a book. The whole room was abuzz as people descended on the hall in search of breakfast, juice and coffee. He shook his head slightly, a wry smile curving his lips, as he closed the distance between them. "Hey Lizzie…"

Tucking a bookmark between the book's pages, Liz Sherman quietly closed her tome and rose to her feet, a look of pleasure washing over her features. "Heya Red!" She reached out to give him a hug, then her features became marred with concern as her arms dropped to her sides. "Come on now… why so down?"

Crappity crap. Am I really that obvious? Smiling ruefully, he tried his 'aw shucks' charm. "Nothing… Nothing really. Just thinking way too much again. What else is new?" Hellboy shrugged, then began to make his way over to the buffet line, silently hoping that Liz would drop the line of questioning; he hated wearing his heart on his sleeve.

Liz wasn't going to let her friend off the hook so easily. "'Bout what?" she asked, reaching for a tray. Not in the mood for individually prepared fare, like eggs and pancakes, she got in the line for freshly baked breads. And while she knew that Hellboy would end up ordering his beloved 'pamcakes' – whether from the buffet line or from the friendly staff that circulated amongst the diners, Liz also knew that her friend would follow her, if only to continue the conversation that she secretly knew he wanted to have, despite acting otherwise.

"I found Father's mother's ring," he said quietly.

A sigh skated past her lips before Liz could squelch it. It was just like Red to be so… literal. "Your… grandmother's?"

Hellboy arched a brow before palming a muffin, clearly defiant of the tongs sitting before the breadstuff. "That's what I said."

Nodding her head because it was easier than arguing, Liz picked up her tray and made her way over to an alcove with a picture window that overlooked the athletic field. Hellboy followed behind, pausing to give his order to a perky blonde that Liz had chatted up quite a bit herself. Once the girl scurried off to the kitchen, Hellboy slid into the chair opposite Liz.

"So, the ring… that's cool. I know going through your father's belongings is still hard on you. What do you plan on doing with it?" Liz already knew the answer. He wouldn't have told her if it wasn't for a very specific reason. But there was no way she was going to not play along… even if Hellboy didn't know that he was completely transparent.

Hellboy's words were barely audible. "I plan on giving it to Torie." He cast a glance at his friend before looking away. His cheeks were burning with heat from embarrassment and his tail was rapidly cutting through the air. Why, oh why did I think this was a good idea? I should have kept my big mouth shut.

Narrowing her eyes, Liz carefully regarded her friend. It was obvious to everyone who knew Hellboy that he was deeply in love with Torie. But ever since the trip to Africa, Torie seemed somehow… different. Not 'possessed by evil spirits' different, but rather like a lost sheep looking for a home. Liz understood the feeling completely. But while Torie was in that mindset, Liz worried that her new friend would either accept the proposal blindly… or refuse it outright. Either way, not an appropriate knee-jerk reaction to a life-altering question. To Liz, it just seemed like bad timing for something that seemed like a no-brainer… at some point. Just not now. "You mean, you're gonna ask her to marry you?"

Grateful for the stack of pancakes there were magically set before him, Hellboy nonetheless looked up at the waitress to see if she had overheard Liz and was mortified to see a grin curving the woman's lips. He sighed, heavily, and waited for her to walk away. With a playful smirk, the waitress pivoted on her heel and marched off, quietly chuckling to herself.

Once he was thoroughly convinced they were along again, Hellboy continued, "Naw. I love her. She knows that. But some day Torie'll come to her senses and move on. But in the meantime, I want her to know how much she means to me. The ring isn't meant to be a proposal. Just a sign of my commitment."

Liz nearly did a spit-take as she was sipping her orange juice. Forcing herself to keep her eyes on her tray, so as to not glare at her friend, she tried desperately to keep her voice neutral. "So – to recap – you are giving Torie your grandmother's ring… engagement, wedding, whatever… but are not planning on proposing?" She then quickly stuffed a bite of muffin in her mouth to refrain from commenting further.

After taking a long swallow of coffee, Hellboy set his mug down and cocked his head. "Uh… yep." Why was this so difficult for Liz to understand? No matter how much Torie thought otherwise, some day the woman was going to wise up and want a relationship with someone who looked… normal. No sense in trying to think otherwise. But there was also no sense in not declaring to Torie just how much she meant to him. While he wanted nothing more than the happy ending that closed out fairy tales were made of, reality was that he was the monster that the hero or heroine was trying to escape from. Torie would soon follow suit. And Hellboy didn't blame her one bit.

Even though she felt it was bad timing, Liz wanted nothing more than to bop her friend on the head. "What!? You are such an idiot!" Even if she did not agree with the two of them getting engaged at this point in their lives, Liz was flabbergasted that Hellboy would part with his grandmother's ring as… a token of affection. Jewelry was not something to trifle with. Especially not with a woman. Who was to be getting a ring. A freaking ring!

Heads turned to see what was up.

If looks could kill, Liz would have been in serious trouble because Hellboy was beyond frustrated with his friend. He should have waited until they were safely ensconced in either of their apartments. But the damage was done – and there was no way of putting the cat back into the bag. "Shh… Now, what's the problem?" Hellboy growled.

Liz stared at her friend with wide-eyed incredulity. "You are going to give a woman – that you love – a ring, but not a proposal… and you think that this will actually be well met? Are you really that dense? I think what you just said falls into the same category of a someone breaking up with someone, then saying that they can still be friends. It's just a bunch of gobblygook."

"Shut up. Now you're just being mean." But Hellboy silently mused that Liz was right. He just wanted to show Torie how much she meant to him… without pressuring her. But – and he hated admitting this because he thought he had considered all angles – maybe Liz was right and not trying to seal the deal was the equivalent of asking someone to go steady… and then run around on them.

Hellboy swallowed hard and looked out the window, his gaze resting on new recruits training, exercising, walking around… enjoying the day, their activities, being themselves. Men. Women. Human. People whose physical appearance allowed them to live outside the confines of the Bureau… comfortably. He then sighed and let his gaze wander past the agents-in-training and assorted employees to the ships he saw off in the far distance in Long Island Sound. Cloistered away at the Bureau, he saved the world, but wasn't a part of the world. As much as he did to save mankind, there would never be a time when he wouldn't stand out from the crowd. All the feelings of isolation melted away when he was with Torie, but…

"I… I just don't know what I'll do if she says 'no,'" Hellboy admitted, his voice so quiet that Liz had to strain to hear her friend.

No matter how tough he acted, no matter how thick he laid on the bravado, no matter how much he joked about his looks… Liz knew that Hellboy was more insecure than a middle-schooler at their first dance. She looked at him – really looked at him – and for a moment saw that Torie was indeed a lucky woman to have Red in her life.

Normally Liz considered Hellboy to be like an older… although occasionally younger, depending on the day… brother. But as Hellboy conveyed all the love and devotion he felt for Torie, Liz had to admit to a twinge of jealousy. Once upon a long time ago, Hellboy crushed on Liz badly. And while he tried to keep his feelings hidden, there was never a time when Hellboy didn't broadcast how he felt – no matter how hard he tried to act otherwise. But while she and Abe were slowly stumbling towards a relationship, Liz suddenly felt devastatingly alone.

Swallowing hard, Liz reached out across the table and took Hellboy's right hand in her left, then smiled gently. "Red. This is a big deal. I mean, you were with Anastasia for a long time and, as far as I know, didn't think about taking this step."

Hellboy sighed. Anastasia. The one that he thought was 'it.' The first one he was ever really serious about. The only other one he was every really serious about. The months he spent traipsing across the globe with her were some of the best times in his life. Of course, the two had created their own world and when reality came rushing back in, Hellboy realized that while their lives touched, they would never entwine. And while Anastasia seemed shocked when Hellboy said that their relationship would need to end, she didn't put up much of a protest. They occasionally crossed paths professionally, but despite still having a certain spark between them, Hellboy had to wonder how they lasted as long as they did.

Hellboy's jaw clenched and his throat muscles tightened as his tail cut through the air. "I made mistakes with Anastasia that I don't intend on making again."

Liz's grip tightened. "You mean… letting Torie go?" No sooner were the words out of her mouth that she regretted saying them. That is not what she meant to say and Liz had no idea where the thought came from. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"I mean that amongst many." Digging into his pancakes, Hellboy broke eye contact with Liz, then shoveled the food into his mouth, effectively ending the conversation.

Liz let a not-so-comfortable silence settle upon them as she leaned back in her chair, taking long sips of her coffee. She let her attention wander to the activities going on outside… watching the new recruits going through their drills and other agents running laps on the outdoor track. Everyone at the Bureau seemed so organized, so absolutely confident that their choices were the right ones. Even Red, in his own befuddled way, knew what he wanted – Torie – even if he didn't exactly know how to go about attaining his goal. But at least he has one. What is it that you want?

So deep in her reverie she was, Liz jumped slightly when Hellboy spoke.

"I'll ask her. Tonight."