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Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries show or characters.
Chapter 19
Damon's POV
Jeremy sets Bonnie down on the ground near Elena's feet next to Caroline's unconscious body. Tyler took off as soon as he brought Caroline over to us before I was able to lay my hands on him. That's probably for the best as I would kill the kid in my present state of mind.
"How long before we know if the elixir worked?" Jeremy chokes out as he wipes away his tears.
"Just a few moments. The elixir will work quickly." Elijah confirms.
Stefan is holding Elena's hand with everyone sitting around her body when a small moan is heard. All eyes stare intently on Elena, but she remains still. All heads drops in disappointment as we realize it is Caroline coming around from the vervain. "What happened….oh my God….Elena" Caroline cries at seeing her friend lying in the grass covered in blood. Bonnie wraps her arms around her whispering in her what had happened.
I start pacing behind everyone raking my hands through my hair. I really need a drink. This wait is going to be the death of me. I can't feel anything from Elena. As much as I was pissed at the judgy little witch for not being forthcoming about the spell's side effects I actually relished in the connection and feeling Elena's emotions. I was able to experience of a piece of her that no one else would ever experience. Fuck, time needs to go faster. Seconds seem to turn into hours and the world feels like it is at a standstill as we are all lost in own thoughts willing Elena to wake up.
"Come on Elena, wake up" Jeremy whispers.
"Come back to us Elena" Stefan begs.
Caroline and Bonnie are crying leaning against each other.
After about fifteen minutes I see Alaric's shoulders drop in defeat and his body tenses as he fights to hold back his sobs. I look over at Elijah who just slightly shakes his head and drops his gaze to the ground.
"I'm sorry. I had faith in the witch that made the elixir and truly thought it would work" Elijah says his voice full of sorrow.
Part of me wants to jump up and down screaming 'I told you so' to Elijah because everyone trusted that stupid elixir for the last sacrifice and I knew it wouldn't work.
"Oh my God. I'm sorry" Bonnie whispers. "I tried to break the spell. The spell between them was too strong. They used her blood to form the connection and I couldn't undo the magic. I only felt the spell break when she used the dagger." Bonnie sobs.
"You did the best you could, Bonnie." Jeremy tries to reassure her.
"I know how you can redeem yourself. Time for plan C." I pull the spell the dead witches gave me from the inside pocket of my leather jacket and hand it to Bonnie. "I know you're exhausted Bonnie, but you need to do one more spell. Gather what you need and meet us at the witches' burial site." I scoop Elena into my arms and start for the cars.
"Damon, what are you doing?" Stefan demands.
"Saving Elena's life" I call back over my shoulder as I reach the door of Stefan's Porsche. I look back at Stefan. "Get on your white horse and let's go save your girl." I climb into the passenger seat holding Elena's body on my lap.
Stefan climbs into the driver's seat and turns towards me. "What do you have planned?"
"Drive to the witches and then just shut-up and listen to me." I say urgently.
I take a large breath. There are things Stefan needs to hear before I'm gone and this is the only chance I am going to get. "I'm sorry I was such a lousy big brother for the last 145 years. I hated your for always being first, for father loving you more, for Katherine. But…my choices were my own. My anger and misery were of my own making. I wasted all those years hating you, trying to make your life hell when I should have been there for you."
"It takes a fuck up to know one Damon. You've cleaned up more of my messes than I have ever acknowledged… with father when we were human, when I was a ripper. I sat in my glass house and pretended I was the honorable one when you're the one that has always stepped up and made the hard decisions, sacrificed your own happiness. You let everyone hate you for doing what is necessary, but in the end you kept everyone safe." Stefan sighs.
"Elena is petrified of becoming Katherine, of history repeating and us being torn apart over her. Make sure she always knows that because of her I got my brother back. Even if it's the broody buzz kill bob version." I smirk at him.
"Ironic that the doppelganger of the woman that destroyed us and our relationship mended us." Stefan shakes his head.
Who would have thought that a teenage girl would have the power to heal what I always thought was unhealable between me and Stefan.
"I know how you feel about Elena. I know you stepped up to be her friend and support her, especially when I left. You should know…you should know that Elena and I are not together. Everything that happened is just a chasm that we can't seem to cross." Stefan reluctantly admits. Well that is a bit of a shocker. Alaric is more perceptive than he thinks. He said he didn't think they were together and it turns out he was right. Doesn't matter, she still doesn't want me.
"You have nothing to worry about little brother. Remember, I floated around in that pretty little head of hers and I never came across any thoughts of undying love for me. She cares about me, but I am firmly in the friend zone. Just be her friend and give her time and space. You're the good brother, Stefan. If she forgave me, the evil dick brother for all the shit I did, she'll forgive you and the two of you will ride off into the sunset happily ever after." At least I can impart a little advice as a brotherly parting gift.
"In my safe in my closet, I have mother's ring. When the time is right, give it to Elena. She would have wanted one of to pass it on to someone we love." I stare out the window as we drive.
"You kept it all these years." Stefan gives me a sideways glance.
"It was the only thing father let me keep after she died. She would have loved Elena and would have been happy for her to have it." I admit.
"Why are you telling me all of this Damon?" Stefan glances at me suspiciously.
"They are just things that need to be said." I can't tell him yet that I am about to die.
We ride in silence the rest of the way to the house. Stefan walks in front of me as I carry Elena into the house and place her on the floor of the basement. Alaric, Jeremy, Caroline, and Bonnie follow a few minutes later.
"Damon, I can't do this spell. It's black magic requiring a sacrifice to bring her back." Bonnie argues. "How did you even get this spell?"
"It doesn't matter how I got the spell. It's not black magic if the sacrifice is willing" I counter.
"Elena would never allow you to compel someone to be a 'willing' sacrifice" Bonnie uses air quotes as she yells at me.
I grab Bonnie by her arms and force her to look at me. "Bonnie, you will do this spell and bring your best friend back to life so she can finally have the life she deserves." I just stare at her angrily.
"No Damon, I won't sacrifice an innocent person even for Elena." She tries to yank her arms out of my grasp and I feel the beginning of a witchy migraine coming on.
I growl in frustration. "You won't shed a drop of innocent blood judgy. You're fucking looking at the sacrifice." I finally let her go stepping back as I continue to stare at her and I hear a collective gasp. "Now these are my last moments of my undead life and I would prefer not to spend them arguing with you."
"Damon" Stefan cries. "That's why the big speech in the car. No, there has to be another way to save her." I knew Stefan would struggle with this. He forced me to turn so he wouldn't be alone and now he is being forced to face eternity without the only family he has left.
"Stefan, there's no other way and you know it. She deserves to live and you deserve a chance to be happy with her." I pull a letter out of my jacket pocket. "Just give her this letter and tell her I'm sorry….tell her I love her." I pull Stefan into a hug. "Promise you will always protect her even if she walks away for a normal life. You can be creepy Uncle Stefan to her kids."
Stefan just shakes his head in anger and turns towards Bonnie starting to argue with her about some other way to bring Elena back without killing me.
"Damon" Alaric says gently running his hands through his hair.
"Ay, I love you too Ricky." I pull Alaric aside as Stefan continues to argue with Bonnie to find another solution. I pull a letter out of my pocket and hand it to him. "These are instructions, you know for after. I don't want Stefan to have to deal with me."
"I'll make sure things are taken care of." Alaric puts the letter in his pocket.
"You know apologies aren't my thing, but I'm sorry for killing you…twice." I shrug sheepishly. Going down on bended knee I look up at Alaric. "Alaric would you do me the honor of killing me?" I say sarcastically getting back to my feet.
"Damn, I'm actually going to miss you. Who's going to drink with me?" Alaric pulls me into a hug and steps away quickly his head down.
Caroline practically tackles me wrapping her arms around me. "Come on blondie, you're not really going to miss me. I was an asshole to you."
"And I was a bitch to you. So we're even." Caroline lets go and stands next to Alaric.
I turn around and Stefan and Bonnie are still arguing. "Enough! This is happening." I interrupt.
"D-Damon, I can't do this. I know I always threaten to kill you but I can't actually do it. I can't take your life and this will crush Elena." Tears are streaming down her face.
"Just do the spell Bonnie. You won't have to actually kill me, but if you really want to, now is your chance." I wiggle my eyebrows at her. My joke causes her to cry even harder. It's a good thing I am about to die as I am losing my touch with woman. "Elena will know this wasn't your choice Bonnie. Just do the spell, please." She nods and moves closer to Elena.
I move over to kneel down next to Elena and stroke her cheek drinking in her beauty for the last time. Leaning down I kiss her gently on her lips. "Have a beautiful life, Elena. Remember that I love you. Please forgive me" I whisper before I pull back.
"Okay, witchy, let's get the show on the road."
Bonnie is sniffling. "Lie down next to her and take her hand."
I watch Stefan approach stake in hand. "Nope" I pop the p taking the stake out of his hand. "You will not live with the guilt of killing your brother. You have enough worry lines in that brow of yours." I tap him on the forehead lightly and Stefan gives a small laugh. I pull Stefan into a one armed hug and take the stake out of his hand.
"Promise me, you'll look after her, no matter what." I whisper in his ear.
"I promise" Stefan answers as he steps away tears streaming down his face.
I lie down next to Elena and grasp her hand. Bonnie starts chanting and Alaric kneels next to me stake positioned over my chest.
"Make sure she lives, really lives. I'm one asshole that's not worth morning over." I smirk at him. Alaric just nods at me tears in his eyes. His gaze drifts over to Bonnie and I turn my head to look at Elena. I want her to be the last thing I see. Bonnie nods in Alaric's direction.
"I love you Elena. Goodbye" I whisper as I hear Alaric take a breath. Then I feel the intense pain as the stake pierces my chest before my world goes black.
Elena's POV
Darkness seems to surround me and I can't breathe. Panic fills me as I feel like I'm drowning. Pushing through the dark a weight suddenly is lifted from my chest and I can finally take a breath. My body arches up with the effort to fill my screaming lungs that are starved for oxygen. With each pull of air the darkness recedes a little. I can hear voices but they seem so far away. My body is pulled upright and warm arms circle around me. I force my eyes open to see Jeremy, his head resting against my shoulder sobs racking his body.
I'm alive. The elixir actually worked. "Jer?"
"It worked" Jeremy sobs.
"The elixir worked. I didn't think it would work." I whisper.
I looked up and see Alaric, Caroline and Stefan kneeling around me. Bonnie is sitting a few steps away looking exhausted. Wait, Damon is missing.
Caroline moves forward and pulls me into a hug and Jeremy finally lets me go. "Oh, sweetie, it didn't work. The elixir didn't work." Caroline pulls back and looks at me with her eyes full of sorrow.
"Caroline!" Bonnie admonishes with a weak voice.
"What do you mean it didn't work? I'm alive so it had to have worked." I whisper. I look at all of their tear stained faces that seem to avoid meeting my gaze. "Where's Damon?"
Stefan moves towards me and strokes my cheek. "Let's get you home and we can discuss everything."
"Stefan, where is your brother?" I demand pushing his hands away.
Tears start to stream down his face. "Please, lets' just get you home and I will explain." Stefan attempts to pick me up.
Where's Damon? Why won't they tell me where Damon is? I look around the room and behind the tight knit group that surrounds me I see him. Damon grey with a stake through his chest. I push past Stefan and kneel next to his body.
"No, no, no." I yank the stake from his chest and start shaking him violently to get him to wake up. This wasn't supposed to happen.
"He's not dead. He can't be dead. I saw him, he was alive." No one was supposed to die for me. No, I won't accept he is gone. He's not dead, he's just hurt. He survived the werewolf bite, all those run-ins with hybrids and Klaus. He was supposed to walk away from this battle as well. "Blood. He just needs blood and he'll be alright." I can't fight the sobs from escaping. I turn to look at everyone and they are just standing with their heads down. "Someone get him some blood" I scream. Why is no one doing anything?
I turn back to Damon and I see a knife tucked into his bet. If they won't help him then I will. I reach for the knife freeing it and placing a deep cut on my wrist. As I force my wrist into Damon's mouth I hear feet moving across the floor and someone shouting my name.
"Drink Damon, please drink." I beg. "You can't be gone. Wake up and start telling me how stupid I am for feeding a hurt vampire my blood." I yell as my blood flows into his mouth. Arms wrap around me and try to pull me back but I continue to clutch at Damon's shirt forcing more blood into his mouth. A strong pull yanks me away and I find myself staring at Alaric who is clamping a cloth to my wrist to stop the bleeding.
"He's gone Elena. He's not hurt, he's gone. Blood won't help him now" Alaric says gently pulling me into a hug.
"How?" I ask quietly and I am met with silence. "How?" I demand louder.
"It was the only way. It's what he wanted." Alaric says gently. My knees give out and Alaric tightens his grip and sets me down gently. Jeremy brings over a first aid kit and starts to bandage my wrist as I just look from person to person in confusion.
"I don't understand." Tears are streaming down my face. How can Damon be gone and I am alive?
Stefan approaches and brushes the hair out of my face tucking it behind my ear. "You died Elena. Damon found a spell to bring you back, but…but it required a sacrifice. He" Stefan let's a sob escape "Damon offered himself up."
I gasp at his answer. How could Damon do that? Why would he give up his life for mine? As I stare at Stefan guilt overtakes me. "I'm so sorry Stefan. I k-killed him. I killed your b-brother. I'm s-sorry" I manage between sobs. First I destroyed Stefan's life now I killed Damon. I'm worse than Katherine. "You're brother is gone because of me." I bury my face in my hands ashamed to even look at Stefan.
"Elena, Elena, look at me." Stefan says urgently and I slowly look up at him. His eyes are red from crying and his face is tear-stained. How could I have stolen the only family he has left?
"This was Damon's choice. He lived multiple lifetimes and wanted to give you a chance to have at least one. You did not kill my brother. You gave us back to each other. YOU gave my brother back to me." He strokes my hair for a few minutes the only sounds are sniffles and the wiping of tears.
"Take her home. I'll take of things here. I'll be there shortly" Alaric says quietly to Stefan who only nods sadly. Stefan picks me up and carries me outside to his car. We drive to my house in silence lost in our mutual grief.
"I let him love me, protect me and I took it all for granted. I never told him anything" I whisper to myself as Stefan gets out of the car.
Stefan helps me into the house and we to start heading up the stairs. "We both took him for granted." I look over my should at Stefan in shock.
"Stefan" I stop on the step and turn around fully to look at him.
"No, please let me say this. Damon didn't he think he deserved you but he thought I did. I knew how he felt about you and I'm sorry, I'm sorry I stood in the way of the two of you." I hear him swallow and take a large breath. "You're so loyal and selfless Elena and I took advantage of that to keep you by my side. I was selfish Elena. I knew there were feelings between the two of you, but Damon was trying to be the good big brother and step aside for me so I could be happy. But he was there for you when I couldn't be even after I came back. I know both of you felt guilt about becoming closer and I never did anything to alleviate that guilt. As a matter of fact I did everything I could to make Damon feel even guiltier." Stefan just shakes his head. "For that I will always be sorry." I just stare at Stefan open mouthed unable to form coherent thoughts or words. Stefan turns me around encouraging me to continue up the stairs.
Stefan and I head into my bedroom. "I will always love you Stefan. I met a boy, we talked, it was epic…" I give him a half smile.
"Then the sun came up and realty set in." He pulls me into a hug. "I will always be there for you Elena, even as your friend."
"I'll let you take a shower." Stefan squeezes my hand and walks downstairs. I look down at myself and see my clothes are soaked in blood. I strip them off and climb in the shower avoiding my reflection in the mirror. As the water hits me I watch the red tinged water dance and swirl around my feet and the tears start to flow again. I reach up and feel the scar that now exists on my chest from where I pieced my heart with the dagger. With that action I destroyed the one thing that made my life whole, the thing that gave me peace and comfort, made me feel passion and anger. I destroyed what I loved more than anything in this world. My body may have been resurrected but a part of my soul stayed with Damon as he left this earth and I will never feel complete again. The tears continue to flow until the water runs cold. I emerge from the shower and pull on the jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that I brought in with me. I leave the bathroom and jump to see Stefan sitting on my bed.
"Alaric and I need to go with Elijah to dispose of Klaus's body. We are meeting him at the Boarding House shortly. We are each taking a part of his body and disposing of it in different locations to ensure no one can somehow try to ever resurrect him. We don't want to leave you along so should come with us." Stefan says quietly.
"I'll go to the Boarding House with you, but I'll stay behind." The least I can do is make the arrangements for Damon. Damon would never have wanted Stefan dealing with taking care of him. He wouldn't even me to take care of things, but it's the only thing left I can do for him.
Stefan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. He stares at it, turning the paper over in his hands. I see the tears forming in his eyes again. "Damon, he wanted me to give this letter to you." He hands me the letter. "Alaric and I will be downstairs waiting for you when you're ready."
I stare at the letter in my hands as I hear the door to my bedroom close. My hands tremble as I turn it over and open it. I fight to control a sob and feel my knees go weak forcing me to sit down on my bed. Tears blur my eyes as I read his final words to me.
Dearest Elena,
Despite being raised in an era where letters were the norm, I have always left the written word to Stefan, as I was always more fond of action, typically impulsive action, to express myself. But if you are reading this, then my words are all I have left to offer you.
When I was on my deathbed with the werewolf bite, I said that I deserved die. It is as true today as it was then. I have done horrible things in my life to strangers, to people you care about and most regrettably to you. I can only my death purges me of some of my sins and forgiveness can be given.
I love you and I couldn't live in a world where you are gone. Your compassion, your heart, the purity of your soul deserves a life with a chance to experience all the beauty and adventure that the world has to offer. Please don't blame anyone for this. No one knew of my plan and it was my decision to die as it was the only way to ensure that your light was not extinguished from this Earth.
Thank you for caring for me. For seeing what no one else could see, not even myself. I missed being human more than anything, but my bitterness and hatred made me forget how to be the man and left only the monster. You are my humanity. You made me laugh, made me yell, frustrated me and gave me peace. Sometimes all at the same time. When we met the switch had been flipped for years, thinking it would just be easier to not feel. Your stubbornness forced me to let you in and made me realize I was existing and not really living. When I become a vampire I thought I would never experience joy and love again. You challenged me, got under my skin and because of you I experience feelings I thought were lost the night I turned.
I love you with every ounce of my soul. I love you like I have never loved another in my long life. I love you, flaws and all, and being able to know you made turning and all my years living alone worth as it lead me to you. I know I promised never to leave you. I can only hope that I occupy a small piece of your heart and you carry me with you so that I never have to break that promise. Please don't shed tears for me, live a beautiful life and remember you will always be loved.
Love always and forever,
Damon
A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. The next chapter should be posted on the weekend.