A/N: Thank you so much for all of the review for the last chapter. I value all of your feedback. I tried to respond to each review and I apologize if I missed anyone. I know there was some controversy of what happened to Damon in the last chapter, but for the path of the story it had to happen. I have written and written this chapter and I am still not super happy with, but I hit a wall on how to improve it. Not wanting to make you, my lovely readers, wait any longer I decided to post as is. Happy Reading!
Chapter 20
Elena's POV
My hands are still shaking as I finish the letter and folder it up gently pressing it against my heart as the tears flow. Damon's gone. I took him for granted, we all did. We all let him make the hard decisions because we were too scared to do it and vilified him as the bad guy. He then sacrificed his own life because he wanted to give me a chance at a life…a life with his own brother, with my friends and family, despite loving me himself. He became my best friend but I did wrong by him in so many ways.
Reaching for my journal I place Damon's letter inside as my brain can't fully process the beautiful words he left me. Numbly I walk downstairs and give a nod to Alaric and Stefan. Alaric grabs his overnight bag and I follow him out to his SUV. Pulling out of the driveway we follow Stefan's porsche down the dark and lonely streets to the Boarding House. The people of Mystic Falls will never know the sacrifices Damon made for one of their own and all of his efforts to save the town.
"How are you holding up?" Alaric asks quietly.
"I'll be okay. You?" I can see the despair and pain on his face from losing his friend.
"I just need a stiff drink" Alaric chokes out. "You should come with us. There are still hybrids out there. I don't like the idea of leaving you here alone while we dispose of Klaus's body."
"No, I need to stay and start making arrangements for Damon while you're gone. Stefan shouldn't have to deal with any of this. It….It's my fault he lost his brother so it's the least I can do for Stefan." I just look out at the scenery as it passes by knowing if I look at the pain on Alaric's face again I will lose it.
"Elena, it wasn't your fault. It was Klaus. Klaus is to blame for all of it. John, Jenna, Damon, all of them." Alaric reaches out and squeezes my hand. "The arrangements can wait until we get back. Its past 3 am, just get some sleep. We'll only be gone a day. Things can wait for twenty-four hours."
"No, than Stefan will try and help. I can have Caroline compel whoever needs it and Liz will help too. I need to do this, Ric. It's all I can do for him now….I need to at least make sure Damon is honored for everything he's done." I look at him trying to hold back the tears that continue to threaten to fall.
Alaric sighs. "Okay, here." Alaric hands me a letter that had been in his back pocket. "Damon didn't want Stefan dealing with things either. These are his final wishes." Alaric gives me a sad smile.
As we pull into the driveway of the Boarding House we see Stefan standing perfectly still staring at the house.
"Someone's in the house. Stay here." Stefan warns before blurring inside.
Damon's POV
Ugh. Every inch of my body hurts. I didn't think there would be this much pain in the afterlife. I guess hell is supposed to be an eternity of torment so it seems like I am off to a good start. My eyes start to drift open and I let my head loll to the side not having the strength to lift it. The first thing I see is cement walls. I open my eyes fully and use all of my strength to force myself into a sitting position. Why does it look like I am in the vervain room of the Boarding House? Looking down I see I am still in the same clothes and my shirt is covered in blood. I try to stand but my limbs don't seem to be working fully and everything seems fuzzy. I don't understand why it looks like I am in the Boarding House when I'm dead. I half crawl, half drag myself up the stairs until I come across the parlor.
The cloudiness of my thoughts begins to fade as I look around. This really is the Boarding House. I manage to crawl near the bar and reach up with a shaky hand and touch a glass near the edge of the bar and feel the cool crystal against my fingers.
"Fuck!" This isn't the afterlife, I'm not a ghost. I didn't fucking die. If I'm here that means… Elena is dead.
Somehow I manage to haul myself unsteadily to my feet. The witches agreed to the deal, my life for hers. Why would they let her die? Did Bonnie screw up the spell? All I see is the red haze of my rage which is overwhelming, all consuming. I just want to destroy anything and everything for allowing me to live and her to be gone. A stinging sensation brings me back to reality and I see the blood dripping from my hands, glass shards and broken pieces of wood from the bar litter the floor.
I don't deserve to live. All Elena experienced was pain and misery. My death was supposed to give her a chance to live and find peace. Is this my penance for all of the wrong I committed in my life? To know I couldn't save her; to live in a world without her is my punishment? I love her, but she never loved me. Why did Elena have to pay the price for my mistakes?
The couch flies across the room as it stands between me the door. I need to know why. The coffee table smashes into the fireplace. I need to kill someone. Lots of someones.
"Damon" Stefan whispers causing my head to snap up from the destructive path I am blazing through the room. I blur over to him and grab him by his jacket pulling him close to me so we are nose to nose.
"Why am I still alive?" I shake him violently. Stefan just stares at me with a blank expression his arms hanging limply at his sides.
"Answer me!" I scream at him shaking him harder. "What went wrong?" I say hoarsely and my legs finally give out and we both land in a heap on the floor.
"Jesus….Damon" Alaric walks into the parlor. At the sound of Alaric's voice Stefan lunges forward and pulls me tightly against him his tears soaking my shirt.
"Why didn't it work? The deal was my life for hers." I whisper dropping my head to Stefan's shoulder my body ceasing to be able to function.
"How….how….I killed you." Alaric crosses the room and touches my arm. Alaric's eyes widen in surprise. "Shit, you're really here."
"Why the fuck am I here and not Elena?" I growl. I reach out blindly and grab Alaric hauling him down to me my head still down. "Did someone screw up the spell or did the witches go back on the deal?"
The sounds of a gasp and thunderous heartbeat flood my ears. "Damon" I hear breathlessly. If I'm alive she's dead. It's not her. Don't look, she's not real. If I'm hearing her voice I have officially lost it.
"Same promise brother. Protect her and make her happy, but if she wants a normal life you walk away. You can be the fun uncle and I'll be the responsible uncle." Stefan squeezes my shoulder and I feel a slight breeze as he blurs away returning a second later pushing blood bags into my hand.
Footsteps draw nearer but I still can't look. I can only sit my body sagging on the floor. I can't handle the disappointment of her not being there. A gentle hand touches my head fingers running through my hair. "Damon" she half sobs. It sounds like her, God, it even smells like her.
"Do you need any help with him?" Alaric whispers.
"I'll take of him. Go deal with Klaus's body." Elena responds. I hear two sets of footsteps head to the front of the house and the front door opening and closing.
"Damon, please look at me." The tears start to spill down my cheeks as I slowly open my eyes and see large brown doe eyes rimmed with tears staring back at me a look of shock, awe and happiness in them. I wrap my arms around her waist and crush her against me and I can no longer contain the sobs.
"We're okay, we're both here, we're okay" Elena whispers over and over as her hands run through my hair pulling me closer to her as I hear own sobs echo around the room.
I look back up at Elena. "How are you alive?"
Elena smiles at me. "I could ask you the same thing." Elena looks me up and down. "You're a mess. Let's get you taken care of."
Elena pulls my arm across her shoulders and hauls me to my feet. As we stumble upstairs to my room I can just continue to stare at her. She sets me on the edge of the tub in my bathroom.
"I'm okay" I brush the hair out of her face.
"Please, just let me take care of you for once." She snaps the top off of one of the blood bags handing it back to me before turning to rummage around in the drawers. I drain both blood bags as she pulls out a pair of tweezers and gently picks up my hand and pulls the glass and wood splinters out. She then moves to the shower turning it on and correcting for the temperature. Crossing back across the room she starts to unbutton my shirt pealing it from my body and throwing into the trash.
Elena looks at me and brushes her hand against my cheek and I involuntarily lean into her touch. The feel of her skin against my mine is comforting. "I'll go grab you some more blood."
After she leaves room I pull of my pants and stumble into the shower making quick work of removing all of the blood and grime. My mind is numb to both of us being alive. Once back in my room I pull on a t-shirt and jeans. Just as I just sit on the edge of the bed I see a letter on my pillow with my name on it. I recognize the handwriting immediately as Elena's. I am twirling the letter in my hands when Elena re-enters the room a bag of blood in one hand and a glass of bourbon in the other. I just watch her approach. Handing me the bourbon first I down it in one gulp enjoying the burn in my throat. It's a reminder that I am actually here. Elena hands me the blood bag and takes the glass and sets it on the bedside table. She steps back in front of me her face a mix of emotions.
"What's this?" I ask her quietly holding the letter up. I know it is a good-bye letter and I can't believe she was so prepared to die.
"I'm sorry" Elena whispers taking the letter from me and setting it under the glass.
"Why are you sorry?" I look at her in confusion.
"That letter contains things I should have said to you long ago not have you read after I died. You protected me, fought for me, loved me. You died for me." The tears are pouring down her face.
"Elena" I reach up to wipe away her tears with my thumb.
"I'm sorry I'm such a coward, Damon. Everyone I love gets destroyed. My parents, Jenna, John are all dead. Jeremy lost his childhood innocence, Alaric lost his love, Bonnie lost grams and her mother left after trying to protect me when I was a toddler, Caroline was turned against her will, Stefan's whole world was turned upside down. I thought I was sparing you. I thought by keeping you at arms length I would keep you safe after you have suffered so much in your life. But all I did was hurt you more." A sob escapes from her as I continue to stroke her cheek.
"Elena you're not a coward. You are the bravest and strongest person I know." How can she think otherwise?
"I love you Damon." My hand freezes in mid-air. My mind can barely comprehend that I each of us is standing here. I can't even fathom the words that she just uttered.
Elena cups my face. "I let you make the bravest sacrifice yet I was too much of a coward to ever tell you the truth. You saved me time and time again and I was too weak to say the things you deserved to hear." Elena's lip is quivering and the tears continue to pour down her cheeks.
"Stefan?" I ask in confusion. I don't get to be loved. Stefan is brother that gets to be loved. I'm just the brother everyone likes to fuck. She doesn't really love me. No one has loved me since my mother. The evil brother doesn't get the girl.
"I will always love Stefan. I will love him for being what I needed after my parents died, for being my friend and for being your brother, but I am not in love with Stefan. I haven't been since his brother won my heart." Elena continues to caress my cheek. Stefan's words from downstairs hit me. He was giving me his blessing.
Elena steps closer our noses practically touching. "I'm no good for you Elena. I'm not the right brother to love." A tear rolls down my cheek.
"You make feel safe and protected. You make me feel passion and anger. You make me feel more alive than everyone I have ever met. You deserve to be loved, Damon. I'm less than what you deserve, but please let me love you like you love me. I choose you Damon." Her lips touch mine tentatively. I'm so in shock that it makes me a few seconds to respond. As soon as I start to return the kiss I feel the spark that has existed between since we met just smoldering under the surface ignite and I feel like my world was just turned upside down.
"Elena, you are all I have ever wanted. I love you, more than you'll ever know." If I were alive, my heart would be beating out of my chest. She is saying the things I have dreamed about for over a year.
"We may not have long, just let me love you while we can. There will be a price for us. One of us should be dead." Elena whispers as run my hands down her sides.
"Then let's take advantage of the time we have, before we have to let each other go as pay back to Mother Nature. One of us may drop dead tomorrow or get driven mad by ghosts or some other punishment we haven't imagined yet." I lay back on the bed pulling her with me. My body feels like it's on fire everywhere her beautiful form presses against me. I bury my hands in her hair and pull her down for another kiss as our tongues battle for dominance. This kiss is not sweet and gentle but hungry and desperate.
I need more skin more contact. Making quick of her t-shirt I stop as I see the bandage on her wrist.
"You didn't have that when you died." I raise an eyebrow at her.
Elena face turns red and she drops her eyes. "There was a moment of denial about you being dead and I thought you needed blood." She whispers.
"Always on a kamikaze mission." I kiss down her throat and across her collarbone inhaling her heavenly scent. She tugs at my shirt and I pause to pull it off throwing it into the corner of the room.
Elena starts leaving a trail of open mouth kisses down my chest, each one setting my skin on fire. She pauses and runs her hand over my heart. Without thinking I reach up and do the same to her. Each of bares a mark from our own death. I run my hand over the scar she has where the dagger pierced her delicate flesh. Elena leans down and runs her tongue over the scar that I feel on my chest from the stake. I have had every fantasy one can have about a woman with Elena as the star, but nothing compares to feel of her skin against mine, her mouth caressing my skin and her allowing me to do the same to her.
Losing myself in her ministrations and the pleasure she is giving me as she slowly rocks her hips against mine I suddenly flip us over. I have few skills in life, but my work in the bedroom is legendary and Elena deserves to be loved in a way no man has loved her before. My trip through her mind is in a lot of ways a secret blessing.
I make quick work of the rest of her clothes and I can't help but sit back and admire her. A deep blush comes over her. "You are so beautiful." I lean back in for a kiss until I have to let Elena up for air.
The overwhelming need to taste every inch of her overcomes me as I trail kisses down her body. Her heart rate picks up and a moan escapes from her as I twirl my tongue around one nipple while massaging her other breast her body arching into my touch. Everything about her body is perfect. I can't get enough of her and I continue my exploration down her body. I run my hand over the scars on her inner thigh gently kissing each in turn wishing I could erase the memory of that night in the cemetery. As I kiss up her thigh I hear Elena's breath hitch and her body bucks slightly off the bed. Reaching out a hand to caress her stomach I gently push her down.
Chuckling slightly, "Relax, Elena. Trust me." It has been a very long time, if ever since she has had an organism during sex and I want to ruin her for any other man.
"I tru-trust you" she stutters her breathing become more ragged.
Inserting a finger inside of her I can feel how wet she is already. I knew I turned her on, but to know she loves me on top of feeling that desire for myself is overwhelming. The smell of her skin and her arousal is intoxicating and I already know I will be addicted to it after tonight.
"Damon" Elena moans as I add a second finger. God I want to bury myself inside of her and fuck her senseless but this is Elena not some random hook-up. She needs to be worshipped and loved. Elena tangles her hand through my hair and her hips rise to meet me as I start paying attention to her clit. As I swirl my tongue I can feel her walls tighten around me and she starts clutching at the sheets arching her body as the tension builds.
There is nothing more beautiful than Elena's face in the throes of passion, eyes clamped tight, mouth slightly parted as she lets her orgasm wash over her, her body shuttering and convulsing her release. As I kiss my way back up her body she is still breathing heavy. She reaches down and frantically undoes my belt and with deft hands undoes my jeans and then starts to chuckle.
"How did I know you would go commando?" She smirks at me.
"Less clothes the better is my motto" I wiggle my eyebrows as reaches out to stroke me causing me to hiss in pleasure. If I were human, the feeling of her hand around me would have things end before we ever really got started.
"Damon I need to feel you." Elena says breathlessly. Never one to deny her anything I quickly comply.
Just tasting Elena was so far beyond anything I could ever have fantasized, the feeling as I enter her for the first time is unbelievable. It's as if she was made for me. She feels tight and warm around me and I feel like I'm home.
"Fuck, Elena." I groan. I've been with thousands of woman and it has never felt like this. My control is so tenuous at this moment I feel like a teenage boy having sex for the first time.
Elena moves matching me stroke for stroke as our pace quickens running her hands over every inch of flesh she can reach. I grasp one of her hands moving it over her head as I hook my arm under one of her knees with the other hand allowing me deeper access.
"Oh God, Damon" she whispers biting her lip arching body harder against me taking advantage of the increased friction.
"Elena, look at me." Her chocolate orbs meet mine and all I could was love and desire all for me. The vampire bad-ass actually gets the girl.
"Just let go Elena. I'm right here with you" I whisper and I feel her walls clench around me and I struggling to hold on to make she falls off the precipice before I do. I drive a little harder and deeper and I finally feel her release moaning my name as I release seconds later our eyes never wavering from each other.
"I love you" I whisper against her lips as I give her a lazy kiss.
"I love you Damon" Elena whispers back. I start pull out and roll off her but she clutches at me pulling me back.
"Don't, please. I need to keep feeling you so I know you're really here." She buries her face in my shoulder and I pull her closer to me.
I wake up hours later and reflexively pull Elena closer. I am still draped over Elena, as if partially pinning her in place while Elena is clutching at me in a death grip.
"I'm here" she says quietly reaching up to stroke my hair. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Neither am I." I bury my face in her neck and feel peace as I hear her breathing and heart beat even out as she falls back asleep.
A/N: Yeah, Damon is alive! Only for Delena is death just a bump in the road to love. I know I answered no questions on what really happened to Damon but I am hoping the lemon made up for the lack of answers. I have one chapter left and will reveal how he is alive, or undead. Please review!