Cricketkit had always been very curious. She wanted to know just about anything and everything. Most of the elders enjoyed her presence when telling a story, since they always knew she was clinging to every word. She would always listen first, ask questions later.
Cricketkit had a tendency to go to the medicine cat, Nettlenose, to ask questions. The she-cat was always eager to tell the she-kit stories about her life as a warrior before she became a medicine cat, even giving the kit advice when it came to certain things.
Cricketkit's questions were always harmless like: 'What do you do if you find a dead piece of prey in the forest?' or 'Is it possible for cats to fly?' But one day, the kit's curiosity lead to a very sensitive topic with Nettlenose.
It was cold outside, a fresh layer of fluffy white snow coated the ground. Two days before, Cricketkit had caught a cold and was staying in Nettlenose's den until she got better. Of course, the kit's health didn't get in the way of her curiosity, and she was constantly asking questions while Nettlenose tended to the sick and injured.
"When plants become brown, do they die?" the tiny pale gray coated she-kit asked, gaze fixiated on the blue-furred Medicine cat who was sorting herbs just across the den.
Nettlenose chuckled and glanced at the kit over her shoulder before tending to the herbs again. "Didn't I tell you to get some sleep?" she asked with an amused tone.
"Yeah, and I did sleep. I got a whole 15 minutes!" meweled the kit with a serious tone. At this, Nettlenose burst out laughing, having to stop sorting out her herbs just to calm down.
"I'm being serious!" the kit pouted.
"I know, I know, you're just very amusing."
Nettlenose absolutely adored Cricketkit. She was always able to make her laugh, it didn't matter what kind of mood she was in.
Soon, she got back to her work, answering the kit's questions as she sorted everything. She was used to most of the questions Cricketkit asked, many of them were about herbs and random cats in the Clan, but there was one question that Nettlenose wasn't expecting.
"What is love like?"
The words echoed in the den, making Nettlenose freeze and turn her head toward the kit. "W-what do you mean?" She asked, her shoulders tense as she quickly wiped her paws off on some damp moss.
"Well, Eelpaw is always talking about how he loves Daisypaw, and I want to know what that feels like," mewed the kit innocently.
"I don't r-really know what love feels like." The lie slipped off of Nettlenose's tongue like a snake over a smoothe stone.
"Oh, come on, Nettlenose! Please! I promise I won't ask about it again if you tell me!"
Nettlenose refused at first, but as soon as Cricketkit started sniffling, she couldn't help but agree to tell her.
The two were currently sat in Nettlenose's nest, the medicine cat refusing to look anywhere but her paws. "Where to start..." she mumbled bitterly. Cricketkit pawed the older she-cat's flank until she finally spoke.
"Well, here goes nothing. Love is a very odd sensation. It makes you feel warm and happy when you're around someone that you love. Often times, when you are around someone you love, your chest can feel tight, your heart can skip a beat, or it can feel like billions of butterflies are fluttering around in your stomach," Nettlenose explained with discomfort showing on all of her features.
"Does it hurt to love?" Cricketkit asked, not noticing Nettlenose's discomfort. Nettlenose looked down at the kit as a heavy sigh escaped her mouth.
"Yes, it- it can definately hurt to love. But the kind of pain it causes cannot be healed with herbs..." the blue-gray she-cat stared back at the ground, an almost inaudible whimper escaping her throat.
"Love can either make you feel like the happiest cat to ever live, but it can also leave you broken and weak.." Nettlenose added, her ears drooping.
"That sounds scary..." Cricketkit shuddered and scooted closer to the medicine cat.
Nettlenose sniffled and quickly shook her head, forcing a laugh. "Gah... I'm getting emotional here... Don't listen to me. You have nothing to worry about. You'll find a cat that will love you for who you are, and you will love them just the same." Nettlenose took a deep breath before looking around.
"I think it's about time to go to bed. Go on, I want you to get better, so get lots of sleep, okay?" Nettlenose told the kit, nudging her to her paws. Cricketkit yawned and slunk out of Nettlenose's nest to her own, mumbling a sleepy 'goodnight' as she went.
Nettlenose forced a smile onto her face as she watched the kit settle down for the night. But as soon as she knew the kit was asleep, and retreated to her nest and curled up in a tight ball, her shoulders trembling as she restrained a pained cry.
No one knew what love had put Nettlenose through. She had always been in pain, ever since she was in her later stages of apprenticeship.
The truth was, Nettlenose was in love, and had been for a very long time. But she wasn't in love with just any cat. She was head over tail in love with Cricketkit's mother, Hazelshine.
She never told anyone her feelings, not even her siblings. She was afraid of what they would think of her after knowing she loved another she-cat. So, she kept her feelings to herself. She tried desprately to make Hazelshine see her feelings without telling her, but no matter what she did, her best friend since kithood would not see the true feelings that Nettlenose held for her.
As soon as Nettlenose heard about Hazelshine becoming mates with Fogthroat, she practically begged her leader and former mentor to become a medicine cat. She was so heartbroken that she wouldn't even talk to the two lovers.
She thought that since medicine cats were forbidden to have mates, she would feel better about her incapability to tell Hazelshine that she loved her. Soon, she became engulfed with her new medicine cat duties, but she still thought about the ginger-furred she-cat she had fallen for all those moons ago just about every night.
When she heard from her now deceased mentor that Hazelshine was expecting her first litter with Fogthroat, all of the depression, anxiety, fear and regret came flooding back to her at once. She knew then that she had lost her one true love to another cat forever.
So, she put on a mask around her Clanmates, refusing to let them see the pain she was going through. She struggled in silence, her thoughts occupied by Hazelshine and how stupid she felt for not admitting her feelings while she still had the chance.
Nettlenose now knew that the fear she had felt as a warrior would only lead her down a dark path full of fear, pain, and regret as a medicine cat. She knew that her fear when she was younger kept her from being able to live a happy life with the she-cat she loved, and that her decisions would lead her to a broken life full of nothing but sorrow and pain.
And now, she had to live like this for the rest of her life.
A/N: So, I know this story kinda got off-topic, but I accidentally deleted part of the finished document and had to rewrite it. This challenge kinda went all over the place, so sorry about that!