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A/N: So, today is #48 at work (where I work 12 hour shifts). I know it kills y'all that I can only post twice a month but any more is unfeasible. Sorry y'all!

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"People never change because they are under threat or under duress. Never. They change because they see something that makes their life seem valuable enough to start moving towards a life worth living."

– Robert Downey Jr

The next morning was even weirder than the one before. When I woke up I took the opportunity to lay there and think through some things, before I had to move and see just how sore I was.

I knew in my head that my situation was firmly the same. I was a prisoner here, Jasper controlled everything. I was working on coming to terms with the fact that I was never going home.

What had changed was that now I knew the whys. Knowing made it more bearable. I was here so that Charlie would live. I would survive. Perhaps not live, not as I understood the word, but I would make it.

I also had a new appreciation for a few things. I appreciated that Jasper didn't just up and kill one or both of us, which would have been the easiest, simplest thing to do. I appreciated that he didn't put me up for sale at The Auction. I appreciated he hadn't raped me or turned me into a sex slave. Between the knowledge he had and the methods he had at his disposal, it would have only been a matter of time. I realized that he could have easily broken me down into nothing and made me whatever he wanted.

Essentially what he'd done was tame me. I would have loved to have him whipped raw for the humiliation, pain, and psychological trauma he'd put me through but it had done what it had been designed to do. It was unrealistic to think he'd be able to bring me here and I would just comply. He could have held Charlie over my head from the get go but he would have played his hand too early and added another layer of resentment.

There were a lot of factors to consider. He was a bastard, yet his choices had been interesting. Jasper didn't do anything without a reason. You could always count on him to be consistent in this. If I stepped outside of myself and looked at it analytically it all made sense. Was it right? Hell no, but none of it was from beginning to end. It was also irrelevant.

I wondered if Makenna came to the same conclusions, one way or another. I'd never go googly eyed and be the collared submissive to Jasper willingly. If he had broke me, I would be nothing like myself. I would be more like the walking zombie he'd dealt with before. I might submit and be obedient but I would do it in a soulless manner. There would be no 'me' left, which would have ruined the effect I'd had on him when he first saw me. His end goals weren't as clear now as they had been. Our new routine was muddying what had once been clear.

Or what I had thought was clear. Maybe he'd used a façade and false intentions to get me to where we were now. I had no idea. Maybe I could ferret out some answers with the occasional question here and there.

Another option was that his original intentions were real but he didn't care for where things were headed. He could break and rebuild anyone to be whatever he wanted, including me, but he was changing that plan, otherwise I'd be in the Room often and who knew what else.

I shut down my confusing thoughts and stopped falling down the rabbit hole. The facts were these.

One, I had started to get with some of the program. I got along to get along and treated him as my supervisor. This was an important differentiation in my mind because I did as he asked and was respectful. I did not worship him or do things out of my way to please him if I didn't think it would benefit me in some fashion.

Two, as a result of that I had gained more privileges. I was able to dress myself, style my own hair, not have something buckled around my neck and I had gained comfort as well as entertainment with Charlotte. Another thing I had gained was that I was now getting to lift the veil on Jasper's person suit, little by little.

Three, I had gained knowledge of many different things. I still didn't know the entire picture but I was starting to put a few pieces together. That was something at least.

Four, I was going to have to play the game to get to the point of having a satisfactory life. Makenna was right on a few things. Resistance was useless. My life would improve if I gave him respect. Escape was all but impossible. Where she was wrong was that by submitting in the fashion she does would make me happy. I could live with giving light deferment but I could not deal with submission on her level. Balthazar dictated everything. She apparently enjoyed being in a strict relationship where she was completely submissive. I could accept that some people liked that, even if this situation was wrong. It ended up okay for her in the end. Her influence and Peter's influence that I could change and undergo a metamorphosis to that submissive being were astronomically wrong. I could let him lead me, to an extent.

I gave myself a moment to speculate. If he wanted me, the real me, minor deferment would be his real goal. Getting me to that point would require overshooting his efforts, like he had been until I was tamed. Well, I wouldn't say that I'd been tamed so much as I'd been coerced into being cooperative with a cart of carrots and sticks. Either way, I was starting to play the game rather than trying to set the board on fire. Or so it seemed.

Apparently we were in a trial period to see if my new pattern held. If so I had some upward mobility. I had to be careful though, I was still young. I was still capable of becoming a victim to my hormones and situation. The last thing I wanted was to become intertwined with him in that way. My new goal was for things to come out with myself essentially being his ward, even if it meant that I would become a spinster.

Against all my mental objections I became realistic and honest with myself. He was Lucifer-beautiful, he could shower me with gifts and woo me like no tomorrow. He could be charming, had good taste and was vastly intelligent. Not to mention an excellent tactician. If I'd met him organically, it would have been easy to fall for him. A handsome, intelligent introvert with good taste and charm? Pfft. I would have been a goner.

I took stock of the room, postponing having to move for just a smidge longer. It was early, judging by the pale, cool sunlight that danced across the floor. Hopefully today would work out better than yesterday. I wondered where Jasper would set up his workspace at now that his office was smashed. The library would make sense, so would the kitchen table.

With that thought, I decided it was time to see how bad it was. A hiss ripped through my teeth as I rolled over. Goddamn, I was sore. I must have slept really well, and pretty still. My butt cheek and thigh made it clear that it didn't care for the weight I was putting on it and rolled on over. The crinkling of paper beneath my hand made my eyes snap open.

That was new.

Jasper was sitting in bed in maroon pajama pants, a fitted white tank top and his glasses sitting down at the end of his nose. He had as much of his hair as he could get back into a ponytail. Another few months and he'd be able to put all of it up. One knee was pulled up with an arm resting across it, pen twiddling from his fingertips.

His laptop was in front of him on a tray and papers were spread out, mostly on his side of the bed. I tried to remember if he'd ever brought work to bed before.

"Sleep well?" he asked, voice husky from lack of use.

I nodded, "Too well, I think. I feel like I got hit with a Mack Truck."

He glanced over at me before going back to his note taking.

"A steaming hot bubble bath with lavender Epsom salts would probably help. Go take a swim," he suggested.

Again, I nodded. I had never been much of a talker in the morning, I got that from Charlie. It was the time I was at my crabbiest. Before this it wouldn't have mattered. Now if I popped off my mouth because I was pissy I would most likely get my ass busted.

I slid off the bed and headed towards the bathroom. Looking for the epsom salts and bubble bath and all that other happy shit was going to suck. Or so I thought until I came around the corner and saw it sitting on the counter already. A grin threatened to tug at the corner of my lips but I tamped it down.

No, Bella, don't think it means anything except trying to win you over or something so he can further control you, a piece of me argued. The rest of me silenced that part. I could be grateful that I wouldn't have to rummage, but only that. Stick to the plan.

After my warring factions came to an agreement I turned the hot water tap on full blast with the cold tap cracked just a bit. It didn't take long for steam to start rising off the water. In went the bath salts and the bubble bath. After the water was a few inches from the rim and the bubbles piled high, I shut off the water and gathered towels and my robe. Up went my hair in a clip and into the tub I went after shucking my clothes. The water was scalding hot but it had made the salts dissolve. It took a few minutes to adjust, but when I did I laid back against the tub, tucking a small rolled up towel behind my neck and head.

Soaking like a teabag helped everything relax, and didn't hurt so badly when I moved. What was going to suck was getting out the tub itself. My thoughts began to wander off when I heard a lighter lighting. Glancing back, I watched as Jasper lit the vanilla and strawberry scented candles that littered several surfaces. In no time the bathroom smelled heavenly. He'd already seen me in the tub, so I saw little point at freaking out. Especially as there was a giant mountain of bubbles that covered me up to my collarbones.

He walked over and sat on the rim, carefully avoiding the bubbly floof. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he unexpectedly blew smoke my way. My nose crinkled and I did my best to look put off, to which he chuckled and held up the pipe in offering. I tilted my head. Perhaps if we could play charades forever, I could avoid getting in trouble. He rolled his eyes but took a big hit. He leant down, grasping my jaw gently. I opened my mouth and he hovered, just perfectly out of reach by the tiniest margin and exhaled more smoke than I could take. It rolled off my mouth and down past my cheeks.

My own hit came boiling out of my mouth a few moments later. I'd seen people be able to hold it in for a minute without sputtering like I was. While I doubted I'd ever get to that level, it'd be nice to absorb more of the thc before it was spewed everywhere. The effect was fast, spreading to the rest of my body quickly, making it easier to relax.

Sensing that his mission had been accomplished, he got up and meandered out. Half of me was thanking him profusely. The other half was screaming hellfire at his audacity to wander in while I was in the bathtub. Really, he'd seen me in the tub before with no bubbles.

Ugh.

Like a rock smashing into a puddle, I scattered all the thoughts, good, bad, and indifferent. It didn't matter. He'd come in with a purpose, did his thing and left. Whatever. At least I was feeling better now that that was over. The water felt interesting, as did the bubbles that slid along my skin whenever a part of me broke the water. The smells of strawberries and vanilla floating along seemed richer, ignoring the awful parts of my life was simpler. I could see now why some people smoked often.

I could feel the effects the water and its additives were having on my body despite the pleasant influence of the drug. When the water eventually turned chilly I drained the tub, very carefully climbed out and stepped into the shower to wash the clinging bubbles away. Drying off was a bit of a challenge, forcing me to stretch some objecting muscles. On went the robe and towards the closet I headed, ignoring my roommate on the way. It was doubtful we'd be doing anything much but sitting around, especially for me with my newly damaged self.

The thought of putting a bra on did not thrill me in the slightest and while I didn't have bruising in the area, I was still sore. Thumbing through the hangers turned up a charcoal, sleeveless, V neck dress that came to right below my knees. It felt like the same comfortable material as the maxi dress from yesterday, another plus. Raiding the panty drawer gave no satisfaction. There were currently only one pair like yesterday which left either ultra plain or unnecessarily fancy underwear. I detested plain white cotton so I settled on a pair of pink, silky, cheeky boyshorts. The material felt nice, nicer than anything I'd ever gotten for underwear anyway. It reminded me of the feel of some of the dresses Alice had forced on me back in Forks.

I had to say, the clothes that he'd filled my closet with were on the high quality side. I rarely went outside but when I did flip flops of some sort were the norm. I wore tennis shoes during Zumba, otherwise it was guaranteed that I'd bust my ass.

When I'd wandered back into the bedroom, not bothering to do anything to my hair yet, Jasper was working away still. The only thing that was different was that he'd changed and made the bed. The suit was gray again, just a different shade with a glencheck pattern and a blood red shirt. Waistcoat, pants, shirt and socks as usual. The jacket was hanging on the bedroom doorknob. His glasses still sat on the end of his nose, his hair was still pulled back and he was still fidgeting with his pen. I went back over to my side and climbed on.

"Better?" he asked, writing furiously.

I'd come to find out that he didn't really scribble so much as he wrote quick and in shorthand. Some of his notes were obvious while others I couldn't begin to understand. I would bet that was intentional in case anyone every got ahold of them.

"Yes, thank you," I said.

He looked better today, less distressed by far from what I could see. He didn't quite seem murderous but with the circumstances being what they were I would have counted on it being right there, under the surface. One little nudge and there could be a mushroom cloud.

"Are you feeling more up to par today?" I hazarded.

The corner of his mouth quirked up, "Quite. They were bluffing. Peter's program worked like a little charm. Rosalie called immediately and they stayed out in the harbor until some of our security detail could make it safe enough for them to come in. They're at Eleazer's now. That place may as well be a fortress. Now I'm just working on tracking these stupid bastards down."

Nodding, I thought about how someone was going to be wearing concrete shoes. Maybe they did something else down here. A wood chipper would be brutal. I knew that some of the cartels down here would feed people to the pigs. They had a variety of options, anyway.

"Where are you relocating to until the office is fixed?" I asked. I kind of needed to know that since I always accompanied him in the mornings unless he otherwise stated.

He shrugged, "Here, our private sitting room or the library, mainly. The twins are going on vacation again tomorrow, back to Russia for some family time. We've got this stuff going on else Balthazar would be going with them. They've executed a few sets of scouts who've been checking out the Auction house. Idiots aren't getting the message," he grumbled.

This was good to know. Now I wouldn't go looking for them and risk stumbling upon something or someone I shouldn't.

He worked while I read and worked puzzles for a few more hours before his phone started beeping. Papers went into a stack that he stuffed into a laptop bag along with his computer.

Was he leaving? I didn't want him to leave with all the stuff that was going on. The train of thought that was zooming through my brain made me fidget in discomfort. He noticed of course.

"What's wrong?" he asked, eyes darting to my hands.

"You're not… leaving are you?" I asked, eyes on my lap.

"No, I think it would be unwise right now. An easy opening for abduction or murder or torture. So Peter, Charlotte, you and I are staying here. The twins are sneaking out tomorrow in a truck we've got outside that delivered our monthly supplies today. From there they'll go straight to the airport, board their flight and they'll stay put until this business is finished," Jasper explained as he zipped everything up.

Sending the twins away didn't quite make sense. That would diminish our numbers.

"Wouldn't you want your forces beefed up rather than depleted?" I wondered.

"Normally I would say yes. However, they're too important to Bal and they're a bit…" He paused, looking away. A grin curled across his lips before he continued, "feisty, reckless, quick to jump into action before thinking things through completely. Impulsive, you could say. Normally not a big deal but in a situation like this it can make it worse."

He hefted the bag on his shoulder and came around to my side, offering his upturned palm. I took it and gingerly slid off the bed. I felt better to an extent, certainly not as bad as when I got up. Some Bengay wouldn't have went awry here but I was sure that if he had some he'd have already had me slather it on.

Or done it himself. The feel of his warm, strong hand in mine spun out thoughts of those hands in other places. I slammed the window shut on those thoughts before they could continue. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He paused at the vanity and handed me a wide, soft elastic headband. I got the hint and slid it on without complaint.

"Today is a big day in the kitchen. Char, as you know, meal plans, rations out everything and preps for every day until the next scheduled delivery in a month. The fresh stuff comes in every week but that's much smaller and she has all sorts of gadgets and professional grade kitchen stuff to deal with that. Today you'll need to go help her out because it was a fresh delivery as well as the big one. It'll all need to be unpacked from its original containers and whatnot. She'll direct you," he explained.

He rested a hand on my lower back and walked downstairs with me. I could feel his fingers twitch a couple of times and realized that it was because he was ready to grab ahold of my dress to keep me from falling again. Before Bal and Makenna's visit I would have figured that he was itching to shove me down them and be done with me.

He stopped in the wide kitchen doorway, one hand resting on my upper arm, the other was gently raising my head up with two curled fingers below my chin so I was looking him in the eye. I complied, despite the fact that I wanted to pull away.

"Take breaks when you need to. If you've pulled something you don't need to exacerbate it. I told her she isn't to have you do any heavy lifting. If she forgets, remind her. She gets into her zone sometimes…" he trailed off, cutting his eyes towards the kitchen workstation.

"I'm going to punt you out of my zone if you keep being antagonistic," she threatened, brandishing a metal pail opener.

He merely smirked at her before returning his attention to me.

"I'm going to be doing some… party planning with Peter, if you need me you know where his office is. Just knock three times and wait," he said.

When I nodded my understanding, he tenderly ran his thumb just under my bottom lip before turning and going down the hallway.

I shivered involuntarily. I enjoyed that when I really shouldn't have. Lucifer beautiful and the tantalizing touches to match.

"You're almost drooling. I thought you hated him," Char snarked.

I rolled my eyes and went over to see what was going on.

"I do hate him. I'm not blind though, it's plain that he's exceptionally attractive. To any woman with working eyes anyway," I shot back.

I rounded the corner to see buckets stacked up full of dried rice, beans, flours, spices and many other things. When I turned around Charlotte had come up behind me and was apparently just waiting to scare me senseless. I nearly fell backwards in my attempt to scramble backwards, saved only by her grabbing me by the arm.

"So jumpy," she tsked at me. She guided me over to a counter full of glass canisters with latching lids, a large scoop and a thin, flexible cutting board. They were all open and waiting.

"What you're going to do is fill these. No measuring or anything needed, just fill them to the top. Do rice until you run out, then beans until you run out. The spices are actually in smaller sealed pouches inside their buckets, so don't worry about them. We'll do the flours next," she explained.

She hefted one up onto the counter and showed me how to make a wide mouth funnel with the flexible cutting board. Then she drug over a thickly padded bar stool that put me just high enough above the counter area that I wouldn't have to raise my arms up much to dump the stuff into the jars. I thanked her, relieved but she just smiled at me and went back to popping lids loose.

"So you just take a jar out and use it until it's gone?" I asked her, glancing back.

I felt the jar wobble where I'd apparently hit the cutting board. I whipped my head back around just in time to grab it and keep it from toppling over. Glancing back, I hoped she hadn't seen.

Of course she had, since she was now snickering.

"No, Bella, when I make the massive meals for everyone coming and going I just use the whole canister. Rice goes on, in and with so many things that it gets sucked down pretty quick. It's just easier to do it this way," she explained.

I supposed it was the same as premeasuring.

"Doesn't rice typically come in bags?" I asked, confused. I'd always seen bulk rice in bags.

"Yes, our supplier just does this for me after my… help broke a few bags too many being overly rough when unloading," she said, ire lacing her tone.

The scowl said that either she was recalling some really angry days or this was a more recent change.

Her glaring in the general direction of Peter's office tipped me off to who her primary "help" was. I bet she got even with him in some form or fashion. I was guessing her firing him as a kitchen assistant was a more recent development.

Somehow, by lucky guess, I imagine that that had been his original plan. Do stupid things until she was at a fire breathing level. I amused myself with these thoughts as I got to work.

Ten canisters were done before I knew it, then snap snap snap and they were ready for the pantry. Char then came over to move them out of the way and getting me more canisters. We continued on in that fashion, Charlotte doing her thing and I doing mine, only breaking the monotony when I needed the full ones moved and empty ones to fill.

I was nearly done with this task, the time having sped by and resulted in numerous empty buckets nested together in a neat little column. Just one bucket of beans left and I could potentially do something more mentally stimulating.

A clatter of metal on tile and the colorful bout of cursing in a mix of Spanish and English caused me to spin around in my chair, ready to run to Peter's office if something was going down. Nothing that brought about spontaneous, angry racket like that was ever good around here.

Instead of some epic drama unfolding, Char was holding her left hand tightly with a kitchen towel and glaring at it as if it had betrayed her. It didn't connect in my brain until I'd already gotten down and halfway across the kitchen that she was bleeding.

"Are you ok?! Do you want me to get help?" I asked, trying to keep my eyes on her face rather than the blood that had begun to appear on the edges of the fabric.

My reaction to blood was the same as it ever was.

"I'll be ok, this isn't the first, nor the last time this has happened. What makes it bad is that I was splitting hot peppers. Just sit tight and I'll be back in a few after I get this taken care of," She said before walking quickly from the room.

I beat feet back to my seat, away from the knife on the floor. I didn't know if she did it quickly enough for there to be no blood on it or not but I wasn't interested in finding out. I preferred staying upright. The thought of getting cut enough to bleed was bad enough. To have hot pepper juices added to the mix made me cringe. She would feel that burning for a few hours. With my luck I would get some stuck in there and it would burn for days.

I shook my head, as if that would physically dispel the thoughts and refocused on what I was doing. The remaining canisters were filled before I knew it and clamped closed.

With no Charlotte in sight I decided to straighten up and put my finished goods into the pantry.

They were heavier than I imagined, where Char was taking two at a time I could only manage one. Then again Char was far more in shape than I was and she wasn't currently damaged.

My body was protesting after the tenth trip but I only had two left. Two more, I promised myself, and I would sit down and rest for a while. Maybe Charlotte would put me at the table doing something.

Just one left, I bargained with myself as I set my bounty down with the others in the back corner of the huge pantry.

Before I could turn to leave, the lights went out.