TTGL: So this is the Heavens.
Omake Issue 8: I will never look at fruit the same way again.
A/N: Here we are again, on lucky number eight, lol. This is dedicated to Haru Takami so if it mentally scars any readers, totally blame him, hehehe.
On a more serious note, he has asked me to show his review here in the hopes that it can encourage other people as it did me, and as this is a chapter dedicated to him, I can hardly refuse. So here it is:
'Liked the chapter, but sad he isn't gonna end up with Nemu... *sadface* can't wait for the next chapter!
In other news...
Collage? Who needs that rubbish? You are the master of your own future! If they take away the tools you need to build a better life, screw them and build it by hand! They push you off the road to a better future? Carve your own path unto tomorrow! If they put a wall in your path, tear it down! If they block your way, Knock 'em the hell out!
How can you write this, and not believe in the words you put in other's minds? Are you some kind of liar or something! Do the impossible! See the Invisible and show them what determination and willpower can achieve!
'Cause when they talk about this fanfiction's Badass writer, a man of indomitable work ethic and unparalleled smarts... They're talkin' about you! The Mighty FireWolf! Touch the Untouchable! Break the Unbreakable!
ROW, ROW, FIGHT THE POWAH!'
Now that you're all inspired, here is the brain rotting randomness that is TTGL Omakes. More discerning viewers may want to abandon hope here and flee. Don't say I didn't warn you. Enjoy.
-FWF
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"And you're sure that this will work?" came an uncertain but gruff voice. It belonged to the newly arrived blonde haired pilot from Team Dai-Gurren, Kittan Bachika.
"I am positive. My tests all show it to be the case." replied the soft, monotone voice of Captain Nemu Kurotsuchi.
Kittan took the small device that she was offering to him. It came in two pieces, both of them rings. One slid onto his own finger while the other was pushed down his zanpakuto until it became fixed just above the guard.
"So all that I have to do is put these on and the physical representation of my sword's spirit should become visible for me to talk to instead of all that meditation crap?"
"Yes."
"Right then! Let's do this!" said Kittan, pumping his fist into the air. He fastened both rings on correctly and he felt a faint static wave pass through his entire body. There was a poof of smoke.
The air was thick with anticipation as Kittan waited for the smoke to clear. It slowly dispersed to reveal…
"WHAT THE HELL! COME ON! SERIOUSLY!" Kittan screamed, banging his against the wall. Before him was a foot tall banana with little arms and legs and star shaped eyes. "King Kittan isn't a god damn banana!"
"I am no banana." intoned the banana. "I am a highly evolved carbon based life form that just so happens to resemble your squishy earth fruit."
"You're not fooling anyone." Kittan sighed. "Come on, I somehow have to learn how to connect with you to unlock our full powers. Embarrassing as it is, I think its time we have a walk."
The team made its way through the Seireitei in an awkward silence. 'King', as the zanpakuto chose to be called, had somehow gotten his hands on a large cigar and smoked happily as they plodded along. Many a strange look was directed their way.
Kittan walked with his head low, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. Due to this, it was only a matter of time until he bumped into somebody. That somebody turned out to be the hot headed Ikkaku Madarame.
"Hey, what's the big idea, bumping into me, spiky headed jerk!" growled Ikkaku. His bald head hurt to look at since it was reflecting the midday sun.
Kittan was about to shout something back when King walked up to Ikkaku, jumped into the air and kicked him in the groin. "Nobody screws with us. Got that, you bald pansy?"
Ikkaku's eyes twitched. "Bald?" He stared angrily at his attacker. "What are you anyway? I didn't know that banana's had evolved into an intelligent life."
"Screw you!" snapped Kittan. "He's a zanpakuto, not a bloody banana!"
The two men head butted each other, itching to fight.
A shout severed the friction. It was a female voice and held in it an element that made the two men nervous. "You! Blondie! Are you one of the new souls that only arrived recently.
The women was red haired and wore glasses. She was in the basic shinigami robes but they had been shortened somewhat. Her eyes burned with fervour as she confronted Kittan.
"Y-yes." he replied, suddenly feeling very unsure of himself.
"Did any women come with you? We haven't had any new women for a while now." she asked, her voice filled with intensity.
"Err…no."
"Damn! I was so hoping that you'd bring some fresh meat." the red head started. Her voice continued to rant about something but Kittan fazed out her words.
"Who the hell is she?" he asked Ikkaku.
The bald man groaned. "Chizuru Honsho. She was a classmate of Ichigo's back on Earth. Every squad she has ever been in has kicked her out due to sexual harassment."
"How come she's still a shinigami then?"
"Captain Kyoraku finds her amusing so he let her join Squad Eight. Damn pervert." Ikkaku muttered distastefully. "The Eleventh Division is about the only squad that she doesn't bother, what with us being mostly men."
"Wait…you mean-"
"Yup. She makes no secret of it, especially when it comes to that medical chick, Orihime."
Chizuru snapped out of her rant and flew at Ikkaku. "You mentioned my precious Orihime! What the hell are you planning? She's mine!" she hissed, lightning suddenly crackling across her skin.
"See what I mean." Ikkaku sighed.
Feeling that her Orihime was in no danger from anyone but Chizuru herself, she turned her attention toward King. She eyed it distantly. "Is that your zanpakuto?"
Kittan smirked, happy that someone had finally saw King as the valiant zanpakuto that he was and not some pointy fruit. "Why yes, yes it is."
"Man, I wish my zanpakuto was like that…I can think of so many fun ideas with a banana. Especially a big firm one like that."
Kittan backed away, suddenly sweating and feeling short of breath. Ikkaku coughed awkwardly.
She continued, unabashed. "I've tried before but they're too squishy of frail and break straight away, especially with all the kicking when they try to keep me away." A certain maniacal look now held her face.
"…" came the joint reply from the two men.
"Hey! I remember you now!" she suddenly cried out, pointing a triumphant finger at Kittan. "You're one of the guys in that team full of hot chicks!"
Kittan had been getting his hopes up but this was shattered before it could fully develop.
"That red head Yoko is a real babe." Chizuru said, running her tongue across her lips slowly.
"That's my girlfriend your fantasising about!" snapped Kittan angrily.
"Really? Only two chapters ago she got back together with the blue haired guy." she pointed out, her words hitting him like daggers.
"That bastard! that's what he had to do without us! He sends us off to fight while he pulls the moves on the women who kissed me only minutes before! I'll kill him!" steamed Kittan.
Chizuru wasn't listening. She was still fantasising. "And then young Nia is coming along nicely. Ooh, and those sisters to, they look hot in leather."
"Leave my sisters out of your deranged fantasies you freak!"
"Oh the fun I'd have in a small room with those three and a banana."
"ARGH! Bad mental imagery!" Kittan nearly sobbed. He was at a complete loss. "Someone please make her stop."
"Flaming kick!" roared another female voice from above. A petit woman shinigami flew down from the sky, her foot extended and aimed at Chizuru's face. The limb was blazing with power. It hit, knocking the glasses wearing women clean through a wall.
"Damn freak." muttered the women testily. She had shortish black hair that she wore in spikes. She had slightly boyish looks, but in a good way. "Sorry about her." she said briskly before dragging Chizuru's unconscious body away.
Kittan and Ikkaku were left standing in silence, both feeling very uncomfortable. Ikkaku shivered slightly. "I will never look at fruit the same way again."
"Every time I use my zanpakuto, this conversation is going to be floating through my head." Kittan stated miserably.
"I need to go beat someone up to clear my head." Ikkaku said absently, his mind elsewhere.
"I feel dirty." whined Kittan. "I need to go wash."
And so the two men parted, going their different ways, both traumatised forever. Neither could ever look at fruit from that day onwards without a cold shiver passing through them.