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Chapter 7 - Escapisms
"Ice Cream Kitty, give me a cheesicle! Come on! …Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty…!"
Michelangelo, "Pizza Face"
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After Splinter's emotionally intense encounter with Donatello, the Rat had cultivated the headache of all headaches. Once his sons had retreated to their respective bedrooms, their Sensei slouched - gracefully, in ninja way - to the Lair's kitchen for some calm and comfort.
Pressing thumb and forefinger between his sable brows, Splinter didn't notice Michelangelo's Kinekt Force game jutting over the edge of the vast kitchen table. The heavy crimson fabric of his robe's sleeve caught the lightweight frame, tipping it over.
Yellow and red plastic discs clattered sharply across the table's surface. Splinter pressed his ears flat against his head to block out the game's death rattle.
Wearily, the Rat pulled the freezer open and reached in for an ice pack; and a cheesesicle. Both objects felt deliciously cool in his hand. He anticipated the much-needed relief of pressing the cold pack onto his throbbing temples, and the hard cheese into his keen incisors.
Splinter's discussion with Donatello about his sextra-curricular activities with April O'Neil had offered little relief; rather, The Talk had only stressed Splinter more. He was now second-guessing his words and actions: Had he been sufficiently strict? Had he been sufficiently understanding? Should he have organized The Six Rules of good sexual etiquette into a catchy mnemonic?
It was a lonely life the Ninja Master led for many reasons, chief among them: Single Parenting.
Lost in thought, Splinter began to swing the freezer door shut until he heard an inquisitive:
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
Quickly, Splinter re-opened the freezer door, releasing a poof of cold air into the room. He spoke back into the frigid space:
"Ah! Ice Cream Kitty. Yes, it is true that this evening I am feeling - distressed."
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
"Of course: how did you know that, this time, my issue is not with Raphael? Tonight it is Donatello who troubles me."
In the gloom, Ice Cream Kitty tilted her strawberry-flavoured head to look sidelong at Splinter:
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
"You know that I cannot take you out of the freezer. No - do not look at me in that way... You belong in the freezer. That is a good cat. Plus, Michelangelo would have a fit if I removed you, like last time…"
Condensation continued to pour from the icebox onto Splinter's nose.
Ice Cream Kitty held the Rat's gaze.
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
The mutant frozen-dairy feline batted a chocolate-vanilla paw at the freezer threshold, and tilted her head to the opposite side.
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
"Alright! But only for a short time. And you must promise to stay in your ice box. Can you do this for me?"
The cat's black eyes never wavered.
Without waiting for a formal reply, Splinter quickly retrieved the portable cooler from the top of the refrigerator. Silently, he unlatched the lid of the insulated plastic box and extended it towards the freezer. Ice Cream Kitty slumped her Neapolitan body inside the cold container.
"Not a word to Michelangelo. Is this understood?"
The cool cat only blinked at Splinter.
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
"Alright: I accept your oath."
Splinter set the mini-cooler down on the table, and lowered himself into the chair opposite it. He pressed the ice pack against his forehead for a few moments. He exchanged the ice for the cheddar hunk, which he nibbled quietly; then distractedly put back down.
The pieces of the Kinekt Force game lay scattered in front of him. Its disorder compounded the father's emotional tumult. Splinter extended a slender hand to sweep the game pieces towards himself. With graceful fingers, he idly piled red on top of red, yellow on top of yellow, making two columns of discs.
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
Splinter set the game's blue honeycomb frame upright.
"No, that is not quite what troubles me, my Arctic Kitten. As a Sensei, I wish for my sons to strive - and to fail - so that they may learn deeply about themselves and the world around them. Even as the world rejects our kind."
Plink! Splinter absently slotted a red disc into a column.
The cat nuzzled at an adjacent column with her snout.
Plunk! On her behalf, Splinter dropped a yellow piece into position.
Ice Cream Kitty twitched an ear, flicking a strawberry-vanilla blob onto the tabletop.
"Yes, that is a fair point. Sometimes even fear of rejection alters our thoughts – and thus our behaviours – into something they need not be; into something that is, truly, not helpful. That is, instead: counter-productive."
Plink! Splinter responded to Ice Cream Kitty's move with a second red piece of his own.
Ice Cream Kitty purred. Splinter often took this strategy when playing Kinekt Force. Already, it was clear to her that she was going to take him down.
Oblivious to her cunning, Splinter demurred, "I agree, my Pink Snowshoe: my sons must be allowed to discover these lessons for themselves. Otherwise, how can they ever know what they truly need? As opposed to what they think they need; or what they think that they think that they should need!?"
Ice Cream Kitty batted her paw at another spot on the blue frame.
Plink! Splinter dropped a yellow disc into the appropriate position.
"It is a fine balance. How can my sons know what they need if they do not attempt to get what they want? How can they learn to navigate the often deceptive line between desire and sustenance? Both fuel, even as they consume. Without desire, how can one endure? Without hope, how can one sustain oneself? But then, there are times when desire becomes treacherous, and a danger to survival…
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
"Yes, exactly: like the time that Raphael was so overheated after training that he almost ate you. It was good that Michelangelo was there to stop him."
At the thought of Mikey, Splinter looked around the kitchen nervously, pausing to listen for his approach. Silence. At his order, his sons were still ensconced in their respective rooms.
Kachunk! Splinter slotted another red piece into play, unwittingly building the staircase that Ice Cream Kitty would climb to victory.
"Desire impels because it cuts. It is this discomfort that makes present circumstances too terrible to endure, and future possibilities too painful not to pursue. But: as a Father…? As a Father, I want to spare my sons pain; even as I know they must experience it to survive and grow."
Ice Cream Kitty almost felt bad for her rival: the Rat was clearly distracted and unfocused. Her win would be ill-gotten. Still, life in the freezer was dull, and she would savour the memory her triumph on many a cold night to come. With her dripping tail, she gestured to another spot on the grid.
"MrrrrooooOWWW?"
Plunk! Splinter obliged her request with another yellow piece.
"Fear keeps us from reaching out; but when we look plainly on what we have to lose, this loss is often trivial, and reparable, compared to what we might gain if we follow our desire. In fear, we run from. With desire, we run toward."
Kachink! Splinter deposited a fourth red disc, but not in a row with his others.
Ice Cream Kitty began to molt vanilla-strawberry-chocolate ice cream drops in anticipation of his defeat. Splinter noticed her shaking and began to fret.
"Is something the matter, my Little Triple-Threat? Are you getting too warm? Is it time to put you back in your home? We can continue this game at a later time…"
Just as Ice Cream Kitty began to hiss at the idea of going back in the freezer before claiming her win – and Splinter began to rise from his seat to pick her up – Michelangelo slipped into the kitchen.
The orange-banded Turtle was meant to be in his room but all he could think of was how terrible he felt for Donatello – and how excited he was that Donnie was gonna teach him Physics! Mikey had always wanted to know how to read minds.
With his brothers holed up for the night, Mikey had assumed that Sensei would be meditating in the dojo for at least the next few hours. It was a perfect time to visit Leatherhead! And to get in some quality Kinekt Force time with his best friend. He'd ducked into the kitchen to pick up the game on his way out of the Lair. Little did he know the shocking scene that would greet him…
"SENSEI!"
At the sound of Mikey's gasp, Splinter reeled around. Ice Cream Kitty began to mewl.
Heedless of any power dynamic or consequence, Mikey pressed on:
"Sensei, You Promised! YOU PROMISED! You know how mushy she got that one time; we almost lost her! I just can't take that again." Mikey swept around the table to gather the portable cooler in his arms and clasp it protectively against his plastron.
"Now, Michelangelo…I was just about to put her back in when you entered. She is fine: Fine. See?"
Mikey examined the mutant cat through narrowed clear blue eyes. Suspiciously, he spoke:
"I can't read minds, Sensei – I have to wait for Donnie to teach me that tomorrow – but she looks pretty soft to me."
To the cat Mikey whispered, "I'm sorry Ice Cream Kitty. I have to put you away now." Passive-aggressively, he concluded with: "Sensei knows it's for the best."
"MrrrrooooOWWW?" Black eyes wide, Ice Cream Kitty's brain skitzed: What about the game!? This was not the plan! THIS! WAS! NOT! THE! PLAN!
Mikey pulled the freezer door open and thrust the now-howling cat inside, mini-cooler and all.
Quickly closing the freezer door, he turned back to Master Splinter. "Sensei, I know you've been under a lot of pressure today; but you gotta find another way to relax. Ice Cream Kitty can't take this kind of trauma. There're lots of online communities where you can meet nice people who understand what you're going through –
Mikey took in the interrupted Kinect Force game
– and that you can game with –
…who aren't gonna melt."
Splinter sighed. His son was right. He needed to reach out to other parents, even if only in a virtual milieu. Quickly, he changed the topic.
"Michelangelo, you do realize that Donatello will not be teaching you Psychic abilities? He will be teaching you Physics: the study of the universe and its physical properties and laws."
Mikey thought about this for a moment, then queried, "Like in Space Heroes?"
"No. Not exactly. But, for your sake: Yes."
"Oooohhhh. Then thaz' cool: I'll be able to understand the reason that I'll be able to read minds."
"No. There will be no mind reading."
"But, ya gotta admit, I'm pretty good at knowing what people are thinking; sometimes even before they are."
Splinter sighed. "Yes, Michelangelo, you are: indeed, it is because of your empathy that I conspired for you to spend time, one-on-one, with Donatello each day for the foreseeable weeks. I suspect that he is in need of someone to speak with who will not judge him. He has even more on his mind than usual these days."
"With April, huh?"
"Yes. With April."
"Sensei. It's gonna be OK, you know. No matter what happens: it's gonna be OK."
Splinter smiled sadly at Michelangelo's optimism. Inwardly, Mikey rolled his eyes at Splinter's skepticism.
Again, Splinter changed tack. Drawing up to his full height, he stated more than asked: "Michelangelo, you have not explained what you are doing out of your bedroom."
Mikey studied his feet as he shuffled them. "Um, yeah. About that. Uh, do you want me to tell you the truth, or something that sounds like the truth that'll be less stressful for you?"
Splinter held himself still as he considered his son's question.
"You know, my son: I think that I will imagine that I have been meditating in the dojo this entire time. If you need me before tomorrow morning, then beneath the great tree is where I will be found."
"And no more Kitty?"
Splinter paused.
"And no more Kitty."
"Hai, Sensei. …I bet you wish you could read our minds sometimes….
Splinter imagined the horror.
…but other times, I bet you're glad you can't."
"You cannot imagine how correct you are about that, Michelangelo. Now, be sure to get some rest. Tomorrow will no doubt be busy for us all."
"Hai, Sensei. See you tomorrow. I bet I'll be able to tell you what you want to eat for breakfast. With my awesome mind powers…"
Splinter turned and slunk from the kitchen. Mikey waited for him to disappear into the opposite part of the Lair before he gathered up the Kinect Force pieces and frame, and slid them into the box he retrieved from the cupboard.
After checking that his nunchaku were in place, Mikey scooped up the game, then quietly moseyed through the turnstiles and out into the sewer tunnels for the night. He wondered if Leatherhead could also read minds, and knew that Mikey was on his way for a visit.
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A special thanks to the die-hard FanFiction/StealthyStories TMNT community; especially Lexifer666 and Novus Ordo Seclorum for the rare and most excellent RL chat. We all knew we would be there, not in the least because of our awesome mind powers.