I had this whole story played out it my head and than all of a sudden I there I was, having Edward hit his cute little head! Just like life, you plan it all out and something crumbles it all to bits!
Also, I don't like putting lyrics into my story, but there's this one appropriate song that kept running through my head while writing this chapter. I embedded some of its lyrics. Credit goes to the wonderful Heather Nova. The song is 'Man in the Ocean' from the album 'South'. Check it out some times, it's good.
So now hold on to your hats, because this is going to be a long one!
I don't own Twilight, but apparently S. Meyers boys bring out the sadistic in me!
Jasper was looking at Edward from the corner of his eyes. They had just dropped of Bella and Mike at Tyler's house and as Jasper had been dropped off by this mother this morning, Edward was now driving him home. They hadn't exchanged a word since that kiss and Jasper was going insane. He sucked in a gulp of air and opened his mouth to speak, but what should he say.
"Edward, so about that kiss, eh?"
No.
"Edward? What happened back there?"
No, he knew damn well what happened.
"Edward, we should talk..."
No.
"Edward? Do you like me?"
Fuck no, what kind of question was that? Though he wanted to know the answer to it.
"Edward, I like you."
Tsss sure. And than be laughed at to his face. No.
"Edward? Do you hate me?"
Jasper snapped his mouth shut. It didn't matter what he said, as soon as he would say it, he would open himself up for disappointment. He didn't want Edward to reject him, he didn't want to see those eyes filled with disgust. Jasper had held him for a moment and it had all fit. The red headed miracle had been his for a friction of time. He had felt the longing, the craving. This feeling, it tore at his chest, while simultaneously filling it with warmth. He needed this feeling, it was his light. This was oxygen, this was a heartbeat, this was a part of him, this was... "Love?"
Jasper turned his head and stared out the window, not really seeing anything. Was this what love felt like? He'd only heard about love from fairy tales, it sounded like bliss. This didn't feel like bliss. It was gnawing at him, it stabbed through his stomach, it fucking hurt. But than again, bliss had been a part of it. He had felt it when the whole world had disappeared. When there had just been them, Edwards lips pressed against his.
The car came to a halt and Jasper turned his eyes back on the boy next to him. "Edward, I..."
.
Edward fixed his eyes on the road before him. Since Bella and Mike left the car his heart was pounding in his chest. He knew he should say something to Jasper, but he didn't have a clue what he should say. His mind had been filled with clouds and cotton wool since that kiss. He didn't want to hope, he had hoped with Alec and it had broken his heart. "No, not my heart." he thought. He had felt different when with Alec. Without Alec he had felt lonely, but not craving. Certainly not the craving he felt now.
Edward glanced quickly at Jasper, who was staring out the window, a frown on his face. "Is he freaking out? He must be freaking out. Hell, I'm freaking out!" Edward couldn't stand it, he should say something. His hands started to shake a little, a slim filter of moisture covered his eyes. "Fuck!" He pulled the car over to the side of the road, he couldn't drive like this. He had to talk to Jasper, so he turned his head. "Jasper, I..."
.
Jasper didn't know who started chuckling first, but they were now both frantically laughing, tears in their eyes. One moment the air was filled with tension, the next they had both started to speak at the same time. Something had cracked, Jasper felt strangely at ease and the words were now freely flowing from his lips.
They just sat there, talking. About nothing, about everything, about fears, about life, about growing up, about parents, about siblings, about friendship. Though no words of love were spoken. Minutes had turned to hours and the hours had turned evening into night. It was well passed midnight when Edward had turned into Jasper's street.
Saying good night Edward had grabbed his hand, stroking his palm lightly with his thumb. It hadn't been enough, not nearly enough, but for that moment it had been right. Jasper knew now. Edward was his heartbeat, Edward was a part of him.
When he opened the door his momma stepped out of the living room. She had waited up for him, bless her, she was the best mother ever. "You look happy." She smiled. "Here, give your momma a kiss." Jasper pulled her in his arms and spun her around, planting a kiss on top of her head. He felt a sharp pain going through his chest. He was in love, but not everything was right. His love would disappoint his momma. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her a little tighter. She couldn't know, she needed him to be perfect.
.
The sun dragged Jasper from paradise. He had been laying in a small meadow only seconds ago. A pair of beautiful green eyes gazing into his. He sighed and checked the time on the Texas star wall clock his father had given him for his 15th birthday. It was already passed noon, he should really get up. He rolled over and pulled his blanket over his head. Just a little while longer, a few more minutes staring into those eyes. Edwards eyes.
The ringtone of his phone pierced the silence, Jasper groaned. Reaching out from underneath the blanket, he grabbed his phone, flipped it open and pressed it against his ear, letting out a moan. "Jasper?" "Mike!" he growled. "Jasper, Edward is in the hospital!"
.
Sitting in the white lounge they waited. Bella had her head rested against Mike's shoulder and he had his arm around her. A couple of chairs down sat a huge guy with his head in his hands. It must be Edward's brother Emmett, because he had the same emerald eyes Edward shared with Alice, his sister. The tiny black haired woman had met them when they got to the hospital hours ago, telling them Edward had slipped on a pool of water in his bathroom and had hit his head against the bathtub falling down. She had grabbed him and hugged him tightly when he had introduced himself. "Oh, Edward will be so happy you're here when he wakes up!"
But Edward hadn't woken up yet. Carlisle, his step-father for lack of a better word, had told them Edward had a small skull fracture. Since than Alice and her mother Esmé had been in Edward's room. Jasper sighed, he was slowly but surely going insane.
.
Alice and Esmé came into the lounge, relief on their faces. "He woke up!" Alice yelped. "Carlisle is running some tests now and he needs rest, but you can all see him for a minute when Carlisle is done!"
Jasper was already through the door, he needed to see Edward now, he wouldn't go in yet, but he just had to see he was ok, had to see the life in his eyes.
As he approached the door he heard Carlisle's voice. "What is the last thing you remember Edward?" The voice Jasper loved and cherished sounded cracked and wrong when it answered. "I don't know, I... Groceries I think, and... Alice! Alice is home, she's not supposed to be home for another week!"
Jasper leaned his back against the wall. Edward had told him about that, it had been the weekend before they met. Edward couldn't have forgotten, this couldn't be happening.
Now Jasper knew how loud a heart could beat, his was raging through his chest like a lunatic.
For Edward was his heartbeat...
Edward was a part of him...
And Edward had no memory of him...
I'm kind of lost for words after writing this. Let me know what you think!