Falling together
The kiss leads to the talk (though days slip by before either of them wants to talk) which leads to the choice to be or not to be.
John says I understand if you don't want a relationship and Sherlock says I understand if that was only adrenaline and their thoughts collide when they say them out loud at the same moment. They stare at each other like they're seeing each other for the first time and John starts laughing and Sherlock starts laughing.
They pull themselves together. Together.
The answer is to be but was there really any other option, ever?
The nights and mornings before the talk go like this:
Sherlock wakes up and looks around, as if waiting for it to have been a dream. Then the ache settles and he realises he's at 221B Baker Street. First morning he runs to find John
only to collide with him, because John has woken up too, and he needs to make sure Sherlock is real and that his dreams haven't betrayed it.
The second night they spend on the couch, waking up to the feeling of someone pressed against them and sighing when they realise who it is and that it is still true.
The third night they find themselves in Sherlock's bed because it's much more comfortable than the sofa and they still need to know the other is alive to believe it. Because it's hard when for a long time, you wake up, to an empty apartment, and let your heart break a little more.
The fourth night they find themselves in John's bed because it's just normal to try that too, when they've already slept in Sherlock's. In the morning they feel delirious and they kiss like there is no tomorrow and they are entangled, not wanting to get up because
what if this won't last?
The fifth night they spend in their own beds, believing they will believe and that it's all over. Which leads to the talk.
When the words are out and their laughter (finally) dies, they stare at each other, Sherlock asking (wordlessly) do you mean what I think you meanand John saying (with the way he stands) you can't be serious.
They have always been the worst at figuring each other out, anyway. Or wanting to believe the obvious clues, because they themselves didn't catch the signs first and it's hard to believe outsiders to tell you what's actually true, because Sherlock wants to solve it and John has always thought he knew how to read others' feelings (about himself).
So now they (finally) have the conversation, even if it is without words, even if it's in the way John cocks his head, or how Sherlock touches John's arm or how John leans into the touch and looks at Sherlock, please tell me it's not over.
The days before the talk go like this:
They stay that much closer to each other all the time, and they look for approval in the other's eyes when they touch (accidentally) and they lie on the couch, watching mindless soaps to be able to just be and they look into each other's eyes when they can.
And when they eat (order food John cooks food Sherlock makes food), they feed each other, like they were madly in love and had just realised it (which, inside, they have, even if their brain has yet to catch on).
When the other one goes to the toilet or the shower, the other one follows, stays behind the door (or in the room when they shower, sometimes under the water, washing the other).
Once, they go shopping, and this is the moment when John stares at Sherlock even more than he usually does, because Sherlock is shopping with him and isn't that odd? (Milk and beans and pizza and other stuff they need.)
Sometimes they just lay on bed, together, in silence, listening to the heartbeat of the one next to them.
They don't speak much.
The talk takes a new step when Sherlock slips out four words I fell for you and John asks him Moriarty or love and Sherlock says both.
And suddenly John is attacking (Sherlock['s lips]).
They walk back to the couch because it's the closest, John glued to Sherlock and Sherlock holding John tightly, pulling him closer even though it isn't really possible. Sherlock falls back, first, John falls with him, on him and they surround each other like air.
I fell for you John says and Sherlock pushes him back to stare into his eyes. In love that is John continues and Sherlock keeps staring at him, or trying to, when John closes his lips on Sherlock's, again, and that is how it should be.
Sherlock closes his eyes to savour John and he feels like he's falling even deeper than before and he wonders (nearly asks) if John feels the same (he does).
We'll fall together John tells Sherlock later.
Sherlock nods and repeats we'll fall together.
And they do.