Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners.

A familiar character returns. Albeit less sensitive than before.

Enjoy.

Ch. 2: The best defence is a lack of

"Hey, Suika, I'm heading out now!" came a far off, gentle voice. An angelic voice, a voice that lured Suika deeper into her drunken sleep…

"Suika! Are you listening? I'm going out now!" The angelic voice came louder, and Suika felt herself being shaken by the angel herself.

"Yah, yah, I heard you Reimu…" Suika's mouth and lungs voiced from muscle memory. Wait… that angel was Reimu? Ah… what a nightmare…

"Sigh… whatever, I'm heading out now." Suika heard Reimu walk across the living room space, exit the house and close the door behind her.

"Nghh…" Suika pulled herself up, shook her head and stared around the floor space she had fallen asleep on.

She fell asleep so often on the same spot that her horns were beginning to leave imprints in the floor.

Suika shook her head again. "Man, I must be getting weak if I'm getting hangovers more and more easily," Suika grumbled to herself. "Need a cure for this wretched hangover… or some other form of respite or relief," she muttered to herself.

Suika felt her foot nudge against something solid. Looking down, she saw an object that brought immediate delight to her. She bent down and picked up a large, blue gourd. An ordinary looking blue gourd that hid untold value: It had unlimited amount of sake. Not the best of qualities, for Suika had drunk better, but good enough for even the gods. That was, unless you did not drink it on a daily basis of course. Suika had come to view the sake within like oxygen…

"Glug, glug, glug… Ah…!" Suika said with relief as she easily downed a litre of sake. She could already feel the alcohol flowing through her veins, flooding her system. In a few moments, it would work its magic, and then the hangover would go away.

"There's your problem, daze…"

Huh? Suika turned around only to find Kirisame Marisa seated cross legged on the tatami. The long, blonde-haired witch was grinning widely at her, her golden eyes shining in amusement.

"Drinking sake to relieve your hangover? Hahahaha…" Marisa laughed.

Suika continued to stand completely still and stare at Marisa.

"Uh… Suika?"

"S-Since… when did… you come in?"

"Just now."

"Are you… real?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Of course I am! Hic! Are you, uh, real?" repeated Suika.

"Err… No! I'm not!" Marisa said with an innocent smile.

"I see…" Suika turned her attention away and took another swig of sake.

The blonde witch seated on the Tatami mat looked at Suika in a confused manner. She did not quite know what to make of it, Suika indifferently accepting her as a delusion of her drunken mind. Suika might be trying to trick her… No wait, she could not be, Oni were supposed to be straight up honest, weren't they? Marisa watched as Suika drank more sake, did a spin on the spot as if to look for something else to eat or drink, then take another swig of sake as she apparently decided the search was not worth the effort.

Suika was in the house, drunk, delusional. Marisa was also in this very same house, Hakurei Reimu's house in fact.

Hakurei Reimu…! Light bulb!

"Uh… hey uh… Suika?" Marisa asked tentatively.

"Yah?" Suika eyed her closely.

"I'm Hakurei Reimu."

Suika's eyes slid out of foucs, then she squinted again to get a good look at Marisa. "No you're not," she said, "You have blonde hair."

"You're drunk, Suika," Marisa pressed her luck. "My hair is black!"

"No, no, no! Reimu is the one with- hic- black hair," Suika corrected her.

"Yes, which is exactly why I'm Hakurei Reimu," Marisa crossed her fingers.

"I… I see… sorry about that…hic!" Suika's warped mind agreed with Marisa's warped logic.

"Yes, exactly. So who am I again? Suika?"

"Ha… Hic! Hakurei Rei- hic- mu…"

"Thank you Suika, for remembering me. You've always been one of my closest friends! 3"

"Hic! R-Really, Reimu?"

"Yes! I really, really love you!"

"Hic! I knew that…" came Suika's slurred but apathetic response.

Marisa looked at Suika with slight disbelief. That confession barely jolted her… Just what did this Oni see or think when drunk…?

"Err… right. Okay, um, listen-"

"Wait… weren't you supposed to… uh… Hic! To uh, be at that uh… other place? Hic!"

"Um… Space Time warp thing. Comes with all the holy powers and whatnot…" Marisa glossed over, confident now in Suika's complete lack of mental acuity.

"Real… ly? Hic! That's… AWESOME!" Suika shouted excitedly, and raised her gourd to the heavens in a toast to quantum physics.

"Uh… Yah, awesome. Hey, listen Suika," Marsia began with a little more impatience. Come on, you little drunk Oni! I just want you to cooperate with me, and help me find all of Reimu's little hidden treasures, so that I can get a few souvenirs… Play a trick on Reimu while I'm at it…

"Wait wait wait wait wait… You can… appear at different places at the same time?" Suika sided up to Marisa, a wondrous look in her eyes.

"Uh… yah! Wh-Why?" Marisa asked uneasily.

"Hee hee!" Suika smiled widely with a perverse expression. "Oar. Jee," she mouthed.

Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha-What? "Wait what?" Marisa started backing away in complete disbelief. This Oni…!

Suika started crawling after her on all fours, that sick, perverse smile still on her face. Marisa started to back off even faster, but quickly found herself backed to the wall.

No… H-Help me!

Heee…

Ah, ah, ah, ah! HELP ME-

"Got you Marisa!" Suika giggled, her body still on all fours over Marisa's body which was slumped against the wall.

"Gah- Huh? Got me?" Marisa opened her eyes slowly as she came to the realization that Suika was tricking her. "What! Wait! You damn Oni!" Marisa exclaimed embarrassedly, "You were lying?"

"Yep!"

"I thought Oni can't lie!"

"That rule does not apply when we're under the influence. We're not expected to be able to keep our logic then, let alone our integrity…"

"But… you're not! You're faking it!"

"Technically, I am. My blood alcohol concentration is off the charts."

"B-But you're… Ah! You got me!" Marisa relented, and laughed with Suika.

"Haha… so, what dishonest deed were you planning to do?" Suika asked.

"Oh, nothing… Just thought of playing a little trick on Reimu," Marisa said casually.

"Oh? Why didn't you just say so?" Suika said. The two looked at each other and grinned.

Later that evening at the Hakurei Shrine…

"… Suika?"

"Yah, Reimu?"

"Why do all my bloomers have smiley faces on them?" Wait… what's this? A strand of golden hair-

"MARISA!"

Feels a bit strange to portray Marisa closer to the fandom version, after my Love Coloured Spark version, but whatever…