Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners.
Ch. 3: Cold beer, warm beer, sake beats all
The air in the front yard of the Hakurei Shrine was still, silent. Then, a small creak shivered through the winds. The grass stiffened, groaned, the trees shivered. The birds took flight, in both senses of the word, as the clouds misted and the shadows darkened. A chill wafted through the air, lowering the temperature degree by degree, each degree a steely cold harbinger of what's to come. Before the steps was cast the Frigid, ice blue glow of the very essence of Cold.
"Reimu!" Cirno called out. Where was the miko anyway?
"Reimu! You there? Oh…" The little blue haired fairy squatted down to the ground, huffing out of boredom. Ah… There's nothing to do…
"Cirno-chan!" Cirno looked up as her name was called out to her, to see a green haired fairy running to where she was squatting.
"Cirno-chan…" Daiyousei asked, her side-tail bobbling nervously, "Are you sure we should do this?"
"Who else are we going to duel then?" Cirno said exasperatedly. "All the other fairies are occupied! And I'm bored!"
"Um… But this is Reimu-san we're asking to battle. You know, the, um, frightful, terrifying red-white?"
"Oh, don't be such a tiny little fairy, Daiyousei. What have we got to fear? I've fought her before! I've faced her! I know her." Cirno crossed her arms, confident in her strategic wit.
"If you knew her, you would know she could swat you away just like that…" Daiyousei grumbled.
"Come on!" Cirno stood up, ignoring Daiyousei. "Let's head into the house! Maybe Reimu's deeper inside. Or if not, maybe we can find some other insignificant life form to face!" Cirno marched self-assuredly straight into the house.
"Erm… I think you found your insignificant life form, Cirno-chan…" Daiyousei said, silently laughing at what she saw before her.
"Hehe… Reimu didn't tell me she kept a rock as a pet!" Cirno sniggered and squatted down to prod at the 'rock'. At their feet, in a most clumsy an ungraceful manner lay a sprawled Suika, her clothes rumpled, her mouth wide open. Drunk and snoring.
"Ngh…" Suika did not respond to Cirno's prods and kept on snoring. Suika really, really knocked herself out last night. She could not help it… No matter how much she drank from her 'bottomless' gourd, it would not empty, and Suika was not want to waste good sake when she drinks it.
Wait… Bottomless gourd…? Unlimited sake…? Oh… ngh… silly me… Wait… What keeps poking me? Suika's temple twitched out of irritation. Something… won't stop… They're giggling too… What's so funny…
"Ahahaha! Look Daiyousei! No matter how much I poke her, she won't respond!" Cirno said with great glee.
"Hey… Cirno-chan, let me have a go…" Daiyousei pleaded.
"No way! I came across her first!" Cirno hogged the fast wakening Oni.
Fwoosh! Suika sat up so suddenly, a blast of air emanated from her. The two fairies that were toying with her startled. Suika's eyelids hung droopily over her eyes, but there was no mistaking the red veins showing in the whites of her eyes. Suika. Was. Pissed. And drunk. And depraved of quality sleep. But pissed.
"Oah! Hahaha! Look Daiyousei! The rock sat up!" Cirno laughed to a now highly nervous Daiyousei.
"Um… Cirno-chan… the rock looks rather upset…" Daiyousei quivered.
"Who… are you calling… a rock…" Suika breathed heavily.
"Who? You of course!" Cirno was still laughing. "I am Cirno! This is Daiyousei! And we challenge you to a danmaku battle!"
"Danmaku…"
"Yah! Danmaku battle! Prepare to be vanquished-"
Cirno was cut short by Sakuya's raised finger. A faint, violet smoke was beginning to sublime from the tip of the finger.
"You will vanquish me?"
"Y-Yah! You got a problem with that?"
Suika smiled wide and then promptly vanished.
"Huh?" Cirno looked around. Where did she go?
"C-Cirno-chan… b-behind you…" Daiyousei pointed out shakily.
"Behind me?" Cirno looked over her shoulder just in time to see a deathly purple mist condense into Suika.
"Heee…. Deep Fog Labyrinth!"
"Wha-" "Cirno-chan!"
Pichu~n.
"So, kid, what brought you here?" Suika asked, seated cross legged on the floor across a shaken Daiyousei and a fast reconstituting Cirno.
"Ow…" Cirno was rubbing an ice pack made of ice, filled with ice on her head, bits of ice from the ice ice pack being incorporated into her mass as she passed it over her head. Suika had caught her squarely on the noggin… as well as everywhere else. "Ow… You cheated! That was not danmaku!"
"Like I care…" Suika took another swig of sake from her gourd. Was the gourd getting lighter?
"So… Reimu-san really is keeping an Oni?" Daiyousei asked timidly.
"Keeping me? What am I, some sort of pet?" Suika said huffly. "I think it's the other way around…"
"Other way around? What are you to Reimu?" asked Cirno.
"Hmmm… let's see. Uh… burp… she looks after me. Cooks for me. Um… accommodates me… She's my wife," Suika simply reached her impromptu deduction.
"What!" Cirno and Daiyousei exclaimed. "R-Reimu-san is married to you?" Daiyousei asked.
"Just kidding…" Suika laughed drunkenly, and took another swig of sake. I swear the gourd is getting lighter…
"Huh, I knew you were lying… But then, where is Reimu anyway?" Cirno asked.
"Why are you looking for her?" Suika inquired.
"I'm challenging her to a danmaku battle! And I'll be winning it!"
"Yah, right… hic!"
"So, Oni… Do you know where she is?"
"Um… let's see," Suika scratched her head. "I… think she said she was at a marriage in the human village…"
"Marriage! S-So, Reimu's really getting married?" Cirno asked.
"No silly… hic! She's a miko remember?"
"Oh…"
"…"
"Wait, so what does that make her? A married miko?"
Suika looked at Cirno. Aren't I supposed to be the drunkard? Or maybe I'm just a drunken but smarter person… And why is the gourd so terribly light? Suika shook her gourd and heard sake still sloshing in it.
"I… think Suika-san here means Reimu's loaning her services as a miko at the marriage…" Daiyousei told Cirno.
"Services? What sort of services? Marriage services?" Cirno asked.
"Yes, Cirno-chan."
"Marriage services… Does that make them intimate services?"
Pffft- Suika snorted sake back out onto the floor. I-Intimate services! "Hahahaha!" Suika fell to the floor laughing. "Hahahaha!" Opposite her, Daiyousei was blushing very deeply. Suika tipped her gourd to her mouth to compliment her good mood with alcohol, but no sake came out. Huh… she had managed to drink the unlimited gourd empty… guess she had to wait a while for it to refill.
"What?" Cirno on the other hand was annoyed at being laughed at. "What's so funny?"
"Um… maybe you shouldn't have phrased it that way…" Daiyousei suggested shyly.
"Wh-Whatever," Cirno had still not gotten the unintentional joke she made. "Looks like Reimu's not here. Let's go Daiyousei!"
"Wait, kid!" Suika called out, still laughing.
"What, Oni," Cirno whipped around, still in a rather foul mood from the combination of the absence of Reimu and the laughing of Suika.
"You drink?" Suika raised her empty gourd.
"Yah, we drink," Cirno replied. (a/n: They're fairies, remember that.)
"Then come round and join me once in a while, I have plenty to share!" Suika cheerily shook her empty gourd.
"Hmmm… We'll consider it, thanks!" Cirno answered. "We… huh? Reimu! Where were you all this time?"
The trio of fairies and Oni turned around to see the resident miko walk through the door, exhaustion on her face.
"Ah… these ceremonies are always so long… But it is my duty, and I do get paid…" Reimu looked up and noticed the fairies seated on her floor. "Oh! Cirno, Daiyousei, why are you two here?"
"We were looking for you!" Cirno ran up to Reimu. "But never mind that, hey listen Reimu! Is it true, what the Oni said? You were performing intimate services for the people at the marriage?" she asked innocently.
Intimate services… heh… It sounded more and more funny to her each time Cirno said it to Reimu… Wait a minute… Cirno was telling Reimu? Suika looked up to see a rapidly maddening Reimu. No! Wait! Stupid fairy! She's gonna make Reimu misunderstand…!
"Suika. Is this true? That you told Cirno that I was conducting intimate services?" Reimu asked quietly.
"Wait… no! You don't understand-"
Reimu raised her gohei without waiting for an explanation.
"Wait! Reimu-"
Pichu~n.