Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners.

Sorry, even romance has managed to creep a little bit into this humour designated fic… Or are you relieved? I think I am myself, personally. At least there's more of a dimension…

Enjoy.

Ch. 5: Object of one's obsession

"Oh, come on. Forgive her will you Parsee?"

"No I will not, Yuugi! Why is it that all women have jerks for friends?"

Parsee, Yuugi and Suika were seated on a mat laid out on a clearing on one end of the bridge to Hell. Yuugi was seated in between Parsee and Suika, trying to diffuse the tension between them, although Parsee still showed great loath to be anywhere near Suika at the moment. Not that she really had a choice though. Yuugi was one mountain of an Oni. Rather tall for a woman, the one-horned Oni was also of solid build, with a well-framed shoulders and hips. The odd thing was that despite her solid build, Yuugi also had all the curves a girl could desire.

"Yuugi is really well crafted, isn't she…" Suika muttered, venom in her voice.

"Parsee," Yuugi said simply.

"Humph," Parsee stopped applying her powers of jealousy on Suika, and Suika snapped out of her jealousy trap.

"Wha- Did… Did I just think of Yuugi as highly desirable?" Suika asked.

"Heh…" Parsee smirked. "Now, you will know the pain I feel… Each time I look at Yuugi… So fit, so beautiful… So… cheerful…" Parsee started working herself up. Problem with her powers is that it tended to backfire rather easily… "You Oni!" she turned to Yuugi, emerald eyes full of spite. "You… You…! Why are you always so above my league?"

"Oh… Parsee, don't say that!" Yuugi tried to comfort Parsee.

"No… don't you even try!" Parsee was shaking. Suika was stifling her laughter. Yuugi was grinning. She had been through this routine several times. "Why do you keep coming after me anyway? Why don't you go for someone much better? Like this drunken chibi for instance!" she pointed at Suika.

"Drunken chibi?" Suika raised an eyebrow out of amusement.

"You're right, Parsee, you're absolutely right," Yuugi threw up her hands in forfeit. "I am much better than you. But that doesn't matter," she placed her hand under Parsee's chin and lifted up Parsee's pretty face to hers. "I came down here, all the way down to this miserable level, just to be with you." She brought her face closer to Parsee's and breathed the finishing blow, "I chose you."

"Hah... Yuugi…" Parsee found herself starting to get drawn in. "No! Stupid Oni! I said stop those kinds of things before, haven't I!" Parsee tore herself away from Yuugi and looked away, furious and heavily blushing at the same time.

"You're jealous of my smoothness, aren't you?"

Parsee whipped around, her eyes completely betraying her captivation. "You really know me don't you?" she uttered. Suika and Yuugi exchanged glances, and Suika gave a look of being impressed. Parsee's a much easier girl than she thought.

"So…" Yuugi turned to Parsee, grinning confidently. "Wanna start a relationship with me?"

"No."

"Guess I judged her a little too early," Suika chuckled.

"T'ch, you're just playing hard to get," Yuugi rubbed her head sheepishly at her umpteenth rejection.

"So what if I am?" Parsee grinned. "My hand, my rules."

"Ah… I am so jealous of the two of you…" Suika muttered. "And that's without Parsee's intervention."

"Which reminds me… Why are you here?" Yuugi turned to Suika and asked, as Parsee proceeded to serve out sake into three dishes, and took a dish for herself.

"Hang on…" Suika hungrily grabbed another dish, and downed the sweet sake. "Ah… sake sake sake… The drink of the gods… And if it's not, then there are no gods… no sane ones at least…"

Hmmm… Are there sane gods in Gensokyo? That's a good question.

"You looked like you're starved of sake," Yuugi said, as she watched with slight irritation as Suika grabbed her dish as well, and drank its contents too. "Don't you have an unlimited gourd of sake?"

Suika unchained her never-ending gourd from her side, shook it silently, then tossed the feather light object to Yuugi. Yuugi caught the large blue gourd with one hand and shook it to her ear. The infinite gourd of sake sounded infinitely hollow.

"It's empty," Yuugi stated the obvious.

"It's empty," Suika confirmed the obvious.

"It's not supposed to be empty, is it?" Yuugi clarified the obvious. "What's happened to it? Where did all the sake go?"

"That's just it, Yuugi," Suika shrugged her shoulders. "I have no idea. It was there one second, then it was gone the next. The gourd stopped refilling itself. And now I have no sake."

"Wait, wasn't that gourd one of the treasures of the Oni? The one that contains wine worm extract?" Parsee asked.

"Yah, it is but…" Suika stopped. That would mean…

"That would mean you drank the extract dry…" Yuugi looked at Suika in disbelief. "Suika, you drank the extract of a wine worm dry…"

"Oh my gosh… Reimu was right… The magic did wear off…" Suika jumped to her feet full of pride and punched the air, "Hah! I did the impossible! I drank the extract of a wine worm dry!"

"Suika!" Yuugi stood up with her in celebration, newfound admiration in her eyes. "Suika, you beast! You drank it dry!"

"I drank it dry!"

"Congratulations, Suika. I always knew you were one of the more impressive of our kind! Man, just wait till the rest of the Oni community hears this!"

"I drank it dry! I can't believe I actually drank it dry!"

"You go girl! Hah, the chibi of DOOM! Suika! The Ironing Board that drank the extract of a wine worm dry!"

Parsee looked on like a disappointed girlfriend looking at her girlfriend with her jerk of a buddy. "You Oni are just stupid. What's so impressive about drinking unlimited sake dry?"

"You're just jealous, aren't you?" Suika stuck out her tongue at Parsee.

"Yah, and you're feeling great about having no more sake right?" Parsee pointed out, immediately cutting the Oni's celebration short. "You know what, I am jealous. Sometimes I wish I could be this idiotic…"

"Well, guess what! You're…" Suika slumped to the ground mid-retort defeated, "You're right. Ah… My gourd…!"

"Still, it's an impressive feat," Yuugi complimented. "Problem is I don't know where to get more of that extract."

"Nor do I," Suika said dejectedly. "Don't tell me I'm stuck with Reimu's tea for the rest of my life…"

"Wine worm? Where would you get that?" Parsee asked.

"The wine worm is another legendary Oni," Yuugi explained. "The issue is it's legendary. It's not around anymore. That's why that gourd there is a treasure."

"Then how did Suika come to own the gourd anyway?" Parsee asked.

"Well… wait, Suika how did you get the gourd anyway?"

"I don't know, Yuugi, I was drunk."

"Huh… That's some luck right there, chibi."

"Wait, Yuugi, you're just going to dismiss it just like that?"

"Oh, don't worry so much Parsee. A little drunken shop-lifting hurts no one," Suika and Yuugi said in nonchalant unison.

Parsee stared at the two in greater disbelief. Why does she ever put up with Yuugi and her kind anyway…?

"Well, what are we going to do?" Suika asked.

"Sorry girl, I can't help you," Yuugi said. "Maybe you should try looking for an alternative extract? You could try to recast the magic using a substitute," Yuugi suggested.

"Like what?" Suika asked. All of a sudden, a drop of water fell from above and splashed onto Suika's nose rather audibly. The three looked up. The drop had come from condensation gathering from the tip of a plant's root protruding through the ceiling of the underground.

"The old fashioned way? Fermented plant extract?" Parsee offered.

Hmmm… Suika continued to stare at the cavern ceiling. Looks like the search for sake had just moved back above ground.

Apologies if I portayed Yuugi and Suika a bit too much like those jerks your girlfriend, I mean boyfriend, sorry, this isn't Gensokyo reality… Those jerks your boyfriend brought over. Although to be honest, they're pretty nice guys… when your boyfriend's not around…

And that's it for now. I have the general feeling that this fic isn't as gripping as the first two, maybe it's just me. But I haven't really developed its plot yet, I'm just writing it on the side. So I'll just let this sit here for now, and come back whenever I have new developments. Maybe it'd ferment into something better, or maybe it'll spoil… heh, you see what I did there? …Never mind.