A/N 5/29/2012: Thanks to GoogleFloobs for thetaing (Check out his story)! Again, this story is currently under revision, so please excuse any inconsistencies. A full plan of my revisions is avail in Chp. 59, Author's Explanatory Note: An Update.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect is copyright of Bioware. Ci-Ci is mine.

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Thank you for reading. Enjoy!

9 May 2183—Cargo Bay, SSV Normandy, en route to the Citadel

Liara looked around the Normandy in fearful awe. She'd never been on a military ship before, and she hoped that no one would look at her strangely. Not only was she an asari, but she was also covered in blood.

On the way out of the Prothean ruins, a krogan mercenary had cornered them. It only took Commander Shepard ten seconds to eliminate the threat, but the blood and gore had gone everywhere. Wrex had been perfectly happy with it, although Garrus had been a little disgusted about it. Shepard, on the other hand, hadn't cared at all. In fact, he'd just cracked his neck and growled for them to move on.

"Science lab's open," Shepard muttered, stomping to his locker. "Keep to yourself and no one'll bother you."

Liara had never been good at reading between the lines, but Shepard couldn't have been more clear: She was to stay out of his way and not interrupt the usual business aboard his ship.

"I'll show you where it is," Alenko offered, smiling kindly.

Liara relaxed gratefully. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Just call me Kaidan."

Liara blushed a little. It had been a long time since she had been on familiar terms with anyone, but it felt good, like she was going to be a part of the crew. However, Shepard hadn't even explained why she was there, really, and, from the looks of things and how he fought, he was the best in the Alliance. She really believed that he was a Spectre, even if there wasn't supposed to be a human one.

Alenko took her to the elevators. Liara barely glimpsed a quarian peeking out from the engine room as the doors closed. So far, every major species except salarian had been aboard the ship. What was going on?

The crew all looked at her strangely. Though they'd all probably seen an asari before, it wasn't right for her to be on the ship, she could feel it. Still, Alenko gently put his hand on her shoulder and took her into the medical bay.

"Dr. Chakwas, this is Dr. Liara T'Soni."

Dr. Chakwas got to her feet. "So what has Shepard done this time that we need a second doctor?"

"I'm not that kind of doctor," Liara quickly excused. "I have a doctorate in Prothean studies."

"Oh, well, that's different." Dr. Chakwas took a seat. "I take it you'll be taking over the lab in the back?"

"I wasn't sure —"

"Oh, stop fussing. I'd love the company." Dr. Chakwas pointed to the door. "It's all yours. It's probably the quietest place on the entire ship, you know, assuming the Commander doesn't go about punching holes in lockers."

"He does what?" Liara repeated.

"Punches holes in lockers," Corinthia said, stepping out of the science lab. "He's done it a few times, when he's particularly pissed about something. We're probably going to be getting some of that action, too. I pissed him off something awful earlier."

Dr. Chakwas noted Corinthia's tear-stained cheeks and red eyes. Something terrible had happened between them, but Corinthia had offered nary a word about it. The doctor wasn't going to press for details, either, because it wasn't her place. Whatever happened between Shepard and Corinthia was their business; it was only Dr. Chakwas's if he hurt her, in which case she would bar the doors and shoot Shepard between the eyes without any hesitation whatsoever. Dr. Chakwas loved Corinthia like a daughter and Karin wasn't going to let a thing happen to the girl.

Liara raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, I don't follow."

Corinthia shook her head. "Shepard and I are friends, for better or worse. He gets pissed off pretty easily, but I'm the one that makes him punch holes through lockers. Generally, unless something went really wrong down there."

Alenko shook his head. "No, everything went just fine. Geth all over the damn place, but you should've seen Shepard go."

Corinthia's expression froze for a second before she smirked (although it was a little strained). "Sounds like I missed a party. What'd he do with his biotics this time?"

Alenko blinked. "What're you talking about?"

"He'll experiment if he gets bored enough on a mission. Or angry enough that he forgets about trying to control it."

"Something like that," Alenko answered.

"And the man STILL won't lift me with them..." Corinthia shook her head. "Don't know what scares him about it."

Alenko snorted. "Sure you don't."

Corinthia raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously, Ci-Ci, I know you're not that naive," Alenko added.

"Uhm, yeah, I am," Corinthia replied quickly. She was lying because she now knew exactly why Shepard was so damn protective. Not that she minded, but it was about to become a problem because she was almost positive he was about to stop caring.

Liara looked around in complete confusion. She had no idea what was going on and she hated it. She liked to know, to dig and learn things — secrets that no one knew before. That was her passion and now her curiosity was sparking. She'd been thrust into a strange civilization, being aboard an Alliance ship, and she wanted to find out everything she could about it.

Or, specifically, Corinthia. The woman's scars were the very first things that Liara had noticed, which meant that she was just as much a soldier as Shepard, if not more so. Not only that, but Corinthia looks were deceiving. She had smile lines etched deep into her face, as well as deep furrows between her brows. As cordial and friendly as she sounded, she was still dangerous. Liara had seen the same kind of walk used by asari commandos, a prowl that they used right before they snapped into action.

But Corinthia wasn't a biotic. There was no way that she could be, talking about wanting to be lifted like that. Then again, she'd sounded so clueless at Kaidan's comment that maybe she was as naive as Liara could be in certain situations. Liara knew that she wasn't the best at understanding people (which was why she was an archaeologist), and maybe Corinthia wasn't, either.

"Excuse me, but I've had a trying day," Liara murmured shyly. "If I may, I'd like to get some rest, or at least find out why I'm here."

Corinthia seemed to snap out of some kind of reverie. "Oh, right. Totally. C'mon, I'll help you out. I think I can explain, or at least what the Alliance wants with you, even if I can't speak for Shepard. Mostly."

Liara gratefully followed Corinthia into the back.

"Thank you. I feel a little lost..." Liara looked around. She didn't even have any of her personal effects, although she was sure that she could find an Alliance uniform that fit.

Corinthia shrugged. "Yeah, we all feel like that at some point, don't we? Liara, isn't it?"

"Yes, and you're... Ci-Ci?"

"Yeppers, that's me." Corinthia held out her hand. "Lieutenant Commander Corinthia-Imreas."

"Liara T'Soni." Liara was, frankly, surprised. She hadn't expected Cornithia to have such a high rank. Wait, that was a high rank for the human Alliance, wasn't it? "Do I need to call you Lieutenant Commander?"

"Me? Hah! Hell, no. People only do when they're mad at me. The only people you'll hear call me that are Pressley and Shepard. You'll meet Pressley later, I'm sure."

"Pressley?"

"The XO."

"XO?"

"Executive Officer. You don't have any military experience, right?"

"No, not at all," Liara answered, embarrassed.

"Eh, don't worry so much about it. I'll explain as we go. It's all routine, you'll get used to it before much longer. So, important things to know: Shepard is in charge. He tends to be grumpy, and I suggest you call him 'Commander' or 'sir' even though you aren't military. Pressley's next in command, especially when Shepard's off the ship. I still outrank Pressley, though, but I have to follow his orders. I'm the highest ranking officer next to Shepard. Pilot's Joker — Well, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, but no one calls him that. Ever, just like no one calls me 'Corinthia-Imreas' or even just 'Corinthia'. I'm Ci-Ci to everyone."

Liara was happy to have someone give out so much information, since it meant she could ask all the questions she wanted.

"So why Ci-Ci?"

"My initials. Salarians didn't have time to say my full name, so one day Dr. Solus came up with that. Brilliant guy, Mordin."

"Salarians?"

"Went to one of their schools." Corinthia waved a hand in dismissal, clearly not intent on talking about herself. "And what about you? Your doctorate's in Prothean archaeology, right?"

"Yes... Was that part of your mission?"

"Not exactly. Shepard was told to pick you up, so he did. I'm the one that got the real debriefing."

Liara sat down. "So why am I here?"

Corinthia inhaled deeply, attempting to form her words. "Our first mission was on Eden Prime. You know that colony?"

"Yes, I do," Liara murmured. "I've heard it's beautiful."

"It would've been if it weren't on fire. We'd been sent to recover a Prothean beacon."

Liara's eyes widened eagerly. "A beacon? Really? What was it like?"

Corinthia bit her lip. "I'm not sure. Shepard's the one that opened it, not me. I got close to it, but from what he told me, it isn't pretty. At all. Like that REALLY bad kind of nasty that makes you want to roll over and sob in a corner."

Liara frowned. She needed more details if she was to put together the clues and pieces properly. "Tell me more."

"I'm not sure I can, not right. Best phrase I can come up with is 'Paradise Lost', but that doesn't cover it." Corinthia swallowed, making sure that she wouldn't betray Shepard. "We need to know what was on that beacon, understand it. I have a copy of the data, but I'm not sure it'll be enough. I can get my fingers on almost anything I need, but I can't find anything that'll translate Prothean."

Liara could barely contain her excitement. It was one thing to examine ruins, but another to look at a working beacon. Or, at least, the data, but that was more than she'd had a chance to see in far too long.

"Do you have it? May I see it?" she asked eagerly.

Corinthia opened her omni-tool. "I can give you access. The Council has it, too, but let's keep this shadow copy a secret, alright?" Corinthia winked and grinned deviously.

Liara had never done anything illegal in her life, but the thought of it excited her. The fact that Corinthia would so casually suggest crime was almost unnerving, but at the same time Liara wanted to do it. She barely knew the human, but she desperately wanted to know the rest. She had to know what was on there.

Corinthia went to the terminal. "Now, assuming this thing's up to par, we might be able to make this work."

Liara made to stand. "Do you want the chair?"

"Nah, I'm good. Urgh, damn it, the Alliance doesn't do computers well at all. I'd have to take apart three more computers to make this one even start to work. Where's Shepard? If I can get us to the Citadel —" Her face darkened. "Well, I think I can make it work."

Liara narrowed her eyes. "You and the Commander had an argument?"

"That's one way of putting it."

"If I may ask..."

Corinthia hesitated. "We're at an impasse," she finally summarized.

Liara flushed. "I'm sorry. I don't know much about human customs."

"That's going to change. It's going to have to, trust me. I guess —" She sighed, exasperated. "Look, Shepard and I are friends. We have been for ages and ages, but lately things have gotten tense between us. Most everyone aboard knows that he and I are close."

"I saw the results of that tension," Liara observed. "I had assumed that he was simply that... ferocious."

"Yeah, that's one way to put it," Corinthia breathed. She gripped the desk.

"Are you alright?" Liara asked quietly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. Let's just get this data set up and we can work from there. I don't know a thing about the whole Prothean thing, really, except that they're old and our entire civilization is built off of their stuff."

Liara had never been too interested in human emotions, so she was content with going to the Prothean beacon. Actually, Liara was ecstatic. To look at untouched Prothean data was an opportunity Liara would not be able to pass up in any lifetime.

However, it was cut short when the intercom came on.

"Hey, Ci-Ci, I don't know what you did, but Shepard's pissed as hell and he wants you and Liara upstairs at the comm room now," Joker said.

"What makes you think it was my fault?" Corinthia asked.

"Well, he didn't kinda mutter, 'Fuck you, Ci-Ci' about nine times."

Corinthia groaned. "He in there alone?"

"Nah. He's got Garrus and Alenko with him already."

Corinthia sighed. "Alight, we'll head in there in a moment."

Shepard stood before the screen, his mind too tumultuous to concentrate. Between the events on Therum, the beacon, and Corinthia, he needed a way to get the images out of his head. The worst part was that he couldn't decide if he wanted Corinthia or the beacon out of his mind. Therum had been a big dog fight and, right at that moment, his head felt like it was going to explode. Now he knew that he'd gone too far with his biotics, although he was lucky enough to not to have given himself an aneurysm. Biotic over-charge was dangerous and he'd seen more than his fair share of people almost literally blow their brains out.

Garrus came in first, followed by Wrex and Garrus. Williams slowly came in after them, glaring at Garrus. The turian propped his ankle across his knee and calmly met her gaze, unafraid of her or her issues with his species. Alenko took his a seat next to Williams.

Shepard glanced back to see who had come. Part of him hoped that Corinthia wouldn't come, but sure enough she and Liara came in and, by the looks of things, they were already becoming friends. Corinthia's omni-tool was out and they were examining some panel on it.

"Dr. T'Soni," Shepard began, his voice harsh. "Sit. Now."

Liara sank into the first chair she saw. Corinthia hung back a little, just out of Shepard's direct line of sight.

"What is it, Commander?" Liara asked.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"Honestly, I don't, sir." Liara blushed and examined her feet. "Ci-Ci explained briefly about the beacon, but I can't fully understand without seeing it for myself."

Shepard kept his focus on Liara, but the fact that she'd just, essentially, said "I don't understand" gave him absolutely no confidence that she could actually help him.

"How the hell do you even expect to see it? The beacon's destroyed and Ci-Ci isn't good enough to reconstruct it," Shepard snapped.

Shepard was more than grateful that Corinthia said nothing. If she'd argued, or even defended herself... He wasn't sure that he could talk to her, or even really look at her. The fact was that, despite how angry he felt, he was ashamed of his actions towards her.

"Asari have the ability to unite minds with others, to share emotions, memories, and other important moments in your life."

"Why would I share any of that with you?" Shepard hissed.

"Commander, I can only assume that I am here to help you, and if that is the only way that I can..." She stood. "It will only take a moment. I will only see the vision, if you hold it in your mind."

Shepard glanced around the room. Everyone was looking at him expectantly, like his only option was to do what Liara asked. If he didn't want Corinthia in his head, what was he going to do with a total stranger in there? Worse, what if the connection didn't break?

Then again, what if she could take the beacon image completely out of his mind? Take away Corinthia?

"Fuck," he breathed, turning his back to the room. He wasn't going to show them as he tried to make a decision.

"It isn't a permanent connection," Corinthia murmured. "It's part of how asari bond with other species."

Shepard clenched a fist. Why did she have to start talking? It only put something else in his mind that he didn't want to think about.

Liara didn't want to appear too eager. To actually see something that the Protheans had... She was already reviewing the steps needed to join her mind to Shepard's.

"It'll help, Shepard," Corinthia continued. "Have two people who've seen it."

"That isn't what I'm thinking about," Shepard muttered. He didn't want Liara anywhere near his thoughts. They were too confused for him to even extract just the beacon's memory.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Corinthia finished.

Shepard gritted his teeth. Yes, it was what he'd wanted, but now the damned asari was advancing on him, the entire crew was watching, and Corinthia was encouraging it. What'd she want him to do? Bond with someone else? If that was true, he wasn't sure how they could even still be friends. Not that he'd been sure they could be friends after the incident.

Liara was standing in front of him, now, her fingers reaching for his temples. He jerked away, much like Corinthia had from him.

"Relax, Commander. This will be easier if you let me in," Liara told him, smiling nervously. Her eyes glinted eagerly, despite Shepard's obvious discomfort. She probably didn't even notice it.

Yes, Shepard was cornered. It didn't look like it to anyone, except maybe Corinthia, but he was. Liara's fingers touched his temples.

"Open your mind to me, Commander," she ordered, closing her eyes. Suddenly, she opened them again, her eyes now pure black. "Embrace Eternity!"

The comm room vanished as if being sucked through a mass relay. Shepard was standing in Paradise, feeling the breeze on his cheeks and inhaling the sweet scent of flowers. Liara was next to him, her eyes wide in awe.

"This... is Prothean," she breathed. Well, maybe she didn't speak, but Shepard heard every word of her thoughts.

They didn't have time to revel. The scene shifted and the world was on fire. He could feel Liara's fear, and he was positive that she could feel his own.

Then, the real nightmare started: the slaughter. The monsters viciously tore apart the other beings, each execution progressively more and more brutal. Shepard didn't want to watch, and he knew Liara just wanted it to end, but it was too late and they were going to see everything.

Liara gasped when Corinthia appeared, cornered and being tortured by the monsters. Shepard clenched a fist, his mouth opening to shout something — anything — but no words came. He was frozen in place, unable to move or save her. His heart pounded, threatening to burst. If he'd been scared before, he'd been feeling like the bravest man in comparison to now.

Right when the monster finished killing Corinthia, her scream piercing the sky, the ships arrived — the massive, deadly, god-like structures that symbolized utter annihilation. Liara gripped his arm, her breath catching sharply.

"Goddess..." she whispered.

As they stared at it, its arms opened, revealing a glowing red eye. It glowed, warped, and crackled with electricity as it gathered power too shoot —

They were standing on Eden Prime, Shepard panicking as he fought to get to Corinthia. Then they were back on Earth, at his party, the night he'd realized how much he cared about her. In a flash, they were in the Mako and his lips were pressed against hers, every fiber of his being condensing into a moment of pure bliss.

Shepard couldn't take it any more. Those things were memories for him and him alone. He shouted and pushed Liara away from him.

They were in the comm room, in reality. Liara gasped and staggered back, knees knocking against a chair and she collapsed into it. Her eyes were wide, now their normal color, and she looked a much paler shade of blue. As terrifying as the vision had been, she was more terrified of Shepard in that moment. He'd severed the connection and forced her out of his mind, gaining enough control of his own body to physically force her away from him.

"I'm not your fucking science experiment," Shepard said calmly. Though his voice was steady, cold, and almost murderous, he didn't look as if he was in control of himself. His chest was heaving, his fists were clenched and glowing with biotics, his skin was drenched in a cold sweat, and his face had paled.

"God, John, are you alright?" Corinthia cried, surging forward. She was half-way across the room before she realized that they were supposed to be at an impasse, but she didn't care. She was standing in front of him, hand extended to touch his arm, but she caught herself mere centimeters from his skin.

He locked eyes with her. He could feel himself starting to relax at the warmth of her proximity, to want it back the second she drew her fingers away. As conflicted as he felt, he was almost grateful that she was worried, like more than usual, like she thought he was about to keel over. Damn it, she still cared about him. How could she if she'd rejected him? Why couldn't she just hate him? It'd be so much easier to move past her if she did...

Corinthia stepped back, realizing how many lines she'd crossed. "Seriously, Shepard, you look awful. Sit down, please," she continued, hiding her concern. She wasn't doing a good job, but at least she wasn't huggging him.

"What the hell was that?" Williams demanded, looking between Corinthia, Liara, and Shepard.

It took all of Shepard's remaining self-control to lower himself into a seat as if he hadn't been shaken. He clasped his hands and hung his head rested his forehead against his fists, shutting his eyes and trying to see if the visions were gone.

They weren't.

"Those were the Protheans," Liara whispered. "It had to be them. It was a message, a warning."

"Tell me something I don't fucking know already," Shepard snapped. "The goddamn Protheans were fucking idiots, if you ask me."

Liara frowned. "Commander, that vision was an image of their downfall. Whatever you saw was what destroyed them."

"Oh, fucking joy..."

Corinthia bit her lip. "So why did Saren want that in his head?"

Shepard gritted his teeth. "I already told you that I don't fucking know."

Corinthia raised an eyebrow. "Yes, but now we know exactly what you saw. This sort of... changes things. Saren obviously knows something we don't, but what, exactly? It doesn't make sense to seek out a vision of destruction. At all."

Shepard couldn't think. He could still feel Liara's fingers, like they were still reaching into his mind and pulling out secrets. She had seen and felt exactly how much he cared about Corinthia. Thankfully, the asari was tactful enough to keep that to herself, but he could tell by how she was looking at himself and Corinthia still standing at the center of the room that Liara knew very well what had happened between them.

"Dismissed," Shepard ordered.

Everyone exchanged glances, unsure if he was talking to Corinthia or everyone.

"I said that you are all dismissed," Shepard repeated angrily.

Williams was the first out the door, muttering something about assholes and bastards. Wrex, Tali, and Garrus followed soon thereafter. Liara shakily rose to her feet. "Commander, if you ever need to —"

"Get your blue fucking ass out of here, T'Soni!"

She disappeared out the door with a faint gasp and a look of utter confusion.

Corinthia stepped forward. "John..."

He met her eyes again, glaring at her with as much hatred as he could muster. Her mouth opened a little in shock and fear. In all the time they'd known each other, he'd never looked at her like she was his enemy. A chill crept down her spine and she backed away from him.

"I only want to help," she murmured.

"Fuck you, Ci-Ci. Get out of my sight," Shepard replied.

Corinthia pressed her lips together into a tight line, turned her heel, and left without another word.

Shepard groaned and ran his hands over his face. "Fuck..."

Everything had just gone from bad to worse. He'd pushed Corinthia away like she'd pushed him away. Liara knew his only weakness and how to exploit it. The nightmare of the beacon was back at the forefront of his mind and Corinthia had ever-so tactfully informed him that Saren needed it for something, and therefore Shepard needed to know it as well.

But he couldn't concentrate enough to even start thinking about what that reason could be. He had to deal with Corinthia first before he could even start thinking about anything else, which meant that he had to get her out of his head somehow or other. But, since she was on the Normandy, it was going to be impossible. Hell, he missed her, and it hadn't been much more than a day since they'd last spoken.

Maybe requesting her transfer... No, she'd just reassign herself to the crew again. She'd never leave him, although she had when he'd ordered her to go. Damn it, what the fuck was he supposed to do? The fact was that he needed her to talk to, to help him think everything through — even the issues he had with her — and he couldn't confront her without forgetting himself again or doing something stupid again.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he shake her?

The L-word crept back into his mind and, as hard as he tried to dismiss it, it wouldn't go away this time. It was the only explanation for why he couldn't get her out of his head, why he had to know what she thought, and why she could calm him down.

If it really was true, if Shepard really was (he hated to even think the phrase) in love with her, then he'd more than fucked up. Now he wasn't even sure he could fix it, even if he wanted to. Well, he did want to, badly, but he was too angry to even consider it a real option. He wanted to be mad at her, wanted to think that it had been her fault, but the fact was that she'd been more concerned for him than ever and there was no way in hell that she couldn't care about him.

He had to know, though, if he was her brother, her friend, or potentially (hopefully) something else. Angry or not, he wasn't ready to give her up.

"Commander, what are your orders?" Joker radioed.

Honestly, Shepard had no idea, but he needed a drink or ten. That meant Omega or the Citadel, and he doubted that the Alliance would be very welcome on Omega. Besides, he knew what would happen if he went there (waking up in a strange hotel with several naked women and a wicked hang-over) and he wasn't going to do that.

"The Citadel," he finally answered. "Get us there fast, too."

"Going to report to the Council, Commander?"

"Hell no. I want a drink."

"I'll set the course, Commander. Hey, do the rest of us get shore leave?"

"If you shut up."

"Aye, aye, sir. Shutting up."