Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead, and have no affiliation to AMC. I have full rights over my original characters.

"Okay Negan," I said, my head hanging low in shame, "we're coming with you."

His smiled widened, and for a moment he looked like a child on Christmas morning. When you looked at it, he was handsome in a dark kind of way. But then again, so were many sociopaths like him.

Negan brought us back to his fleet of RVs and vans by driving our car, pretending he wanted to check if everything worked fine with the old Chevrolet. The only thing I could feel was a burning sensation of shame, and I knew he was doing it on purpose. He made me ride shotgun as he sped down the road and then back up again.

"I have to admit, this car is very surprising!" He laughed. "At the first glance, I thought it was merely a pile of junk, but it still has some fucking life in it! Familial car?"

"It is."

He held up his finger between us, his eyebrows wriggling maliciously. "Was. Cos it's mine now, remember?" How could I forget that. I could have done it then; I could've strangled him on the spot, and we would have fled while his men weren't close. But what if I had missed? He would've killed us three and left our bodies behind for the walkers to feast on. We might have been living in a fucked up world, but the last thing I was planning on was to abandon my post-mortem dignity to monsters, whether they were living or technically dead.

"You're going to fucking like it at the Sanctuary, sweetheart. I can guarantee that you'll never want to leave us once you've joined us." He was an asshole, a first-class one for sure, but he wasn't as bad as he seemed. He just wanted to make it in this crap life, and he had his methods. Assholish kinda methods, but still methods. As we neared a high fence, he slowed down the car and honked for the guards to acknowledge his presence.

"Hurry up, you fucktards, I don't have all fucking day!" He called for them. The gate slid open, and the procession of cars followed us in before the alarmed walkers could enter. Negan got out of the car and spoke with the blond whose cheek was scarred. Then he put his bat on his shoulder and swaggered away, as the blond one approached me.

"Get your brothers and follow me." He told me grumpily.

"Where to?" He huffed impatiently and rolled his eyes.

"Don't be so fucking paranoid, I'm just giving you a Grand Tour of the place. We don't need you being lost for the next couple of days. Hurry up, I'm more busy than I look.

Ben gave me an anxious look, and I tried to look assured as I nodded and followed the man. Julian refused my help and preferred to limp on his damaged leg, which reassured me in some ways; maybe it wasn't broken after all. The blond kept pointing at different buildings and places, uttering a short summary of its use and the jobs the people occupied there.

"What are you all good at?" He could've asked us all separately, but he always addressed me. I was a leader in their eyes, although we were a family and not a group.

"We're all pretty good with our hands, so anything construction and repairs is something we can do. Ben is good at hunting, but I won't let him out of the Sanctuary on his own. I mean, without one of us accompanying him." The guy shot me a do I look like I care look, because obviously he wouldn't rely on a kid for that kind of task. We ended our Tour in the dorms, and the blond pointed to camp beds which had small bundles of clothes and basic toiletrie items on them. "That's yours as long as you remain with us. First ones are free, the rest you gotta pay for."

"Pay? But we don't have any money on us, and..."

"Chill girl. Here's how it works here: you do shit, you get points, and you can trade your points for everything you need. Food, clothes, beauty items, we have it if you can trade for it. So do your part and you'll be able to live just fine. Got it?" We all eagerly nodded, and he seemed to loosen up a bit. Maybe we weren't as stupid and a loss of time as he thought we would be. "The name's Dwight, by the way. Now, if you need anything, I ain't your nanny so y'all better find someone else to pester, okay? Fine, now if you'll excuse me I have to be on my way." He faked a bow and turned on his heels, leaving the dorms. He stopped in the doorway, turning to us once more: "Since I'm at it. You're not allowed to remain with them." He pointed at me. "Women are up the stairs. Oh, and y'all had better stop at the second floor, 'cos after that there's Negan's quarters. Y'all are not welcomed in there, and better not be found hanging around it. We clear?" He left before we could answer, but anyway it was clear that we would not go visit those quarters. The furthest we could be from that man, the better we would all be.

"You two be good, I'll check in at the women's quarters, okay?" I said to my two brothers, but Julian grabbed me by the elbow before I could make a step away.

"Wait." He had his brow furrowed and his eyes were glinting with worry. "Do you really think we should stay here? Around him?"

"What other options do we have? They took everything we had! Without our car, we won't go very far." My arguments failed to convince him. "Listen. We'll just wait until you get better, then we'll see. Who knows, maybe we'll even learn to like it in here?" He glared at me, but I chose to ignore his sarcasm and ripped my elbow from his grip. "I'll have to ask too much of you two, once more: right now, this is our best solution, so you'll have to work with me instead of going against the current. You heard Dwight; we're only tolerated as long as we're useful, and I'm not willing to take any risk to see their definition of "useful". We'll keep it down, shut our traps, and plan a B solution later, when we'll all be able to travel on our own again." Julian huffed impertinently and looked away, but I grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look at my angry face. "I'm not kidding, Julian! Your insolence already cost you your mobility, do you really want to see how far Negan will go next time? I know I don't." With that, I stomped upstairs to the women's quarters without glancing back. I was angry, but deep down I was really hurt.

We'd been on our own ever since the world fell, and had never needed anyone. And here we were, kneeling to a brute. It hurt my pride and spirit, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. For my brothers, for me and for the future we could be planning under the roof of the Sanctuary.

I laid on the camp bed I had chosen, and thought about nothing for the first time in a long while. The other women found me in the same position when they came in at the end of their working day. They were pretty much all covered in dirt and sweat, and stared at me like an estranged beast, none of them getting too close. One of them came to me, a tall woman with broad shoulders who had short spiky blonde hair and a farmer's overalls.

"You must be Violet!" She said to me, as if she'd heard about me all around the Sanctuary. After all, maybe she had. Maybe the men from the patrol had recounted the story of the redhead who'd been so stupid as to fall into an obvious trap, maybe it would become a running joke between them. "I'm Leah." I shook the hand she was sticking out for me, and she cracked a smile for me. "Do you need help finding your way for a few days? I remember I was completely lost on my first week here, so if I can help it'll be my pleasure, really." Another smile. Was this girl for real? I had never seen anyone smile so much after the Apocalypse. Well actually, I had hardly seen anyone after the Apocalypse, so maybe that was why.

"Thank you Leah, that would be well needed. You been there for long?" She appeared to think for a while, then nodded.

"Two years maybe? Really, you can't beat the Sanctuary. It's safe, the people are nice and our leader takes good care of us. I haven't known trouble since I was welcomed here, and that's saying a lot!"

"Your leader… Negan?" I must have been looking completely dumbstruck, because she softly smiled.

"I know what you're thinking. Most new people think him to be merely a tyrant, but he does what he has to in order to keep the place going. It's because he's so hard with everyone that the Sanctuary is the way it is and hasn't collapsed yet." I'd always wondered how it felt like talking to a brainwashed person, but now it could be crossed off my bucket list. Would I become such a happy fool after some time here? Negan was a tyrant and had a place to run, that was for sure, but nothing could excuse his brutality. I couldn't have known it at the time, but what we had seen was only the tip of the iceberg, a glimpse of the monster he truly was, and we would be bound to discover his other sides soon enough.

Leah brought me to the cafeteria for dinner, and I sat by her tables away from my brothers. It felt weird seeing them from a distance, as if they were out of my reach. We'd been so close for years, and now that we were safe we seemed miles apart. It saddened me more than I would ever have cared to admit, and I barely ate my pea soup, although it was the first hot and tasty meal I had had in a while. The girl sitting across me at the table didn't make me ask twice and finished up my bowl in the blink of an eye. As I came back to the dormitories while the others were still eating, I had the showers for myself and spoiled myself with a hot shower, scrubbing the layers of dirt I had accumulated. I scraped my skin with my nails where the bar of soap wasn't enough, hurting more than necessary, and I let the water wash away years of neglect. I hadn't had a real hot shower since the Apocalypse, and had only occasionally bathed in icy rivers to get rid of the reeking, so I welcomed the clean feeling I got when I was done. After that, I brushed my teeth for a good ten minutes to remove the tartar from them, and combed my hair the best I could, chopping off at least 20 centimeters that couldn't be saved, watching the knotted dry hair fall limply to the ground. I cleaned after me, putting back the items I had borrowed here and there, and slid into bed.

Although it was only a camp bed and a thin cover, it was the most comfortable I had been in a while, and anyway anything was better than the backseat of the car. But as comfortable as I was nuzzled under the sheet, I couldn't manage to fall asleep. The others had come back and all gone to bed, snoring minutes after laying down, but I was still tossing and turning, so after a while I got up, got dressed and went outside for some fresh air. It was the middle of October, but it was still surprisingly hot for the season, and the inside of the dormitories was incredibly stuffy. The breeze was fresh on my skin; I sat on the floor, leaning against the cool metal railing, closing my heavy eyelids and sighing in relief.

"Can't sleep?"

I gasped softly, turning to see my brothers standing there, rubbing their eyes tiredly. I opened my arms for Ben to cuddle, and Julian sat next to us.

"I know you don't like this place. I do know that, and I don't like it either." He gave me an understanding smile. "But for now, it's the only thing we have."

"Half-full glass: we're still together." This time I smiled. It was an old game of ours, trying to find the good sides of any situation, no matter how crappy. Julian took after our mother's eternal optimism, yet I couldn't say the same for me. I took more from our down-to-Earth father than I cared to admit.

"Damn right." I agreed, ruffling his hair. "As long as I have you two ankle-biters, I'm home anywhere."

We stayed this way until we couldn't hold ourselves up anymore. Ben had fallen asleep against me, and Julian had to carry him back to their dormitories. As for me, I went back to my bed as silently as I could, careful not to draw attention to myself. Laying down, I stared blankly at the ceiling for some time, before turning my back to it and closing my eyes. I had a feeling that tomorrow would be less than great, no matter what Leah had told me about Negan and the Sanctuary. I had a funny sensation in my stomach, like every time something bad was upon us.

A/N: if you're reading and you like this, make sure to tell me so! I can't know if I have to update or change things if I never receive feedback!

Yours faithfully,

~SB