Before anything, I'd like to wish a happy birthday to this fic! It's been a year and I still haven't given up, and what's best, you're still behind me too! Thank you to all of you who pushed me this far, and please keep pushing: we're only getting started.

Special thanks today go to gabrielsangel23 for their lovely comment on the last chapter!

Enjoy!

I had seen glimpses of that good man, for example when I had blacked out near the fence and he had taken me in, but the smug and brutal side was blocking the way the rest of the time.

I knew the good man was in there too, as he brought my face closer for an impossibly gentle kiss like I had never received and would never receive again.

I pulled away from him, looking down at my hands, but he still had his eyes fixed on me, with absolute adoration written all over his facial features. It was chilling to see him look so different from his usual self, and I couldn't stand looking at him, looking away instead.

"What made you change your mind?" I was about to answer, but he spoke above my voice. "Actually no, I don't want to know. We were having a fucking moment here, and I would really fucking hate to break it."

Later, I promised myself, we'll talk about it, and he will grant me what I want.

"I know I probably haven't proved myself a poster fucking boy for niceness, but you can trust me when I say I will take care of you, Violet. You'll be queen of this fucking dumpster; how does that sound?" His smile went from one ear to another, but my mind was elsewhere. "Why the long fucking face?"

"I just need to know what I'm signing up for. Exactly what."

"I just told you: you'll be the fucking queen, there will be no God damn rules applying to you in this place!" He was about to continue, but I spoke up.

"What do you expect from me?" His eyes locked into mine for a few silent seconds, then he placed his palm on my cheek.

"You'll be my wife. You'll be expected to behave so, and that means no fucking standing up to me in front of anyone, no going against my orders, and of course absolute fucking loyalty. Not sure why you'd ever want to fuck one of the fucking pigs in this camp, but I prefer to make that clear. As for the burning question on your mind, we'll have sex like any married folks." I felt my cheeks heat up a bit, but maintained my gaze. "I understand why you'd have some issues with that, but if you can't do it then I'm sorry to say our engagement is fucking off."

"Isn't that blackmailing?"

"Maybe that's what they fucking call it where you come from, darling. Here it's just… terms and conditions." He smirked, visibly happy with himself, and I squinted my eyes.

"And when do I get to negotiate my terms and conditions, then?"

He looked at an imaginary watch, then back at me. "You have five minutes, starting now."

"You will ensure that me and my brothers are well-treated and well-fed at all times. The point system doesn't apply to us from now on." He nodded. "You will not force me into having sex or even doing something I'm not comfortable with."

"That would be rape. I expected you to think more highly of me," he protested and rolled his eyes, but nodded.

"You will not harm me, ever." I look at him expectantly, but he was still looking bored.

"Your time's almost up, you better cut the shit out of your list, sweetheart."

"You will free Julian." The words had come out really fast, as I really needed to get it off my chest. His answer was quick to follow, but not surprising.

"No."

"Negan, please-"

"I said fucking no." His tone was way harsher and I flinched, fearing an outburst of violence. "Your brother is only getting his just fucking deserts, and he will get back when he fucking learns his place, not before."

"Promise me you won't kill him, at least. Please, promise me."

"What would killing him bring me? I'd lose hands, help, and my fucking credibility. I don't want to take the easy road with him, and if he has to spend years in that cell to fucking learn his lesson, you can be damn sure he will, because I will fucking break him." He topped his sentence with a bone chilling smile, then got up. "As lovely as this was being, I have a place to run, so I'll be on my way. I'll send one of the girls in to take care of you." And just like that, he was gone.

The door reopened a few minutes later, revealing one of Negan's wives, a large black woman that I had seen on occasions but never talked to. Then again, I had never talked to any of them, or anyone apart from my brothers and Leah for that matter. She looked at me like some kind of curiosity, but there was nothing negative in her eyes; she was really just checking me out, probably mentally taking measurements or something similar.

"I'm guessing a size 36, tell me if I'm wrong," she finally concluded after a few seconds.

"I was a 38 before all that, so you must be close to it," I answered, and she cracked a wide victorious smile which even got me to loosen up. "My feet are size 37."

"Such a skinny bird," she commented, "I wonder where he dug you up. And I sure hope you'll tell me everything while I take care of you."

I laughed through my nose, and followed her through the private quarters of the leader until we reached the wives' loft. Annie -for that was how she told me to call her- left me in the bathroom, telling me to be thorough with my wash.

"Just say that I stink while you're at it," I joked, and she playfully scrunched her nose.

"But you do stink, honey."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't protest. I suppose I had just gotten used to the smell of my own sweat and the gardens with time. I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower, pouring the hottest water I could have all over myself, sighing in delight at the old familiar feeling.

"Don't forget to shampoo!" yelled Annie from the other side of the door. Lined up on the rack, there were different bottles of shampoo and conditioner which each smelled more heavenly than the other. I poured three different products directly on my head, massaging my scalp and creating liters of bubble foam. The synthetic smells of exotic fruits and flowers were so overwhelming that I got a bit nauseous, but I blissfully welcomed the clean feeling I got immediately after rinsing my hair one last time. Annie barged into the bathroom right as I was wrapping myself in a towel, holding a rather large vanity bag.

"How about we make some magic here, skinny bird?" Not waiting for my approval, she pulled me out of the bathroom and onto a chair in the main room, where she proceeded to care for my hair. I felt very uneasy at first, since I hadn't cared for my hair in years, and having someone touch and pull it backwards was a stranger feeling. The last thing I had done to my hair was chop it drastically when it had become too much trouble for me to keep, so it wasn't exactly caring for it: Annie worked her "magic" for an infinite amount of time, during which another woman came into the room. She was younger than Annie but older than me with long blonde hair, and when she entered she seemed shocked to see me.

"My goodness," I heard her whisper under her breath before disappearing. I gulped down, and realized I still wasn't dressed, every inch of my skinny body that wasn't covered by the towel exposed to eyesight. It was probably not the prettiest thing to see, considering my last good meal had been several months ago; I was really pale and almost greyish, my bones poking under my skin absolutely everywhere, and everything on me threatened to fall or break under the slightest pressure.

The blonde girl came back and handed me a sandwich, keeping another one in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I was just… surprised… seeing you here and-"

"It's fine, I don't take offense," I simply said, which seemed to appease her. "I'm Violet, by the way." I put my hand out for her to shake, and she slowly did so before releasing me.

"I'm Amber," she answered, even smiling a bit. I smiled back, and bit into the sandwich she had given me, trying not to look like an animal. The flavors exploded in my mouth, and once more I felt a bit nauseous but swallowed it anyway, taking another ravenous bite right behind until there was no more peanut butter or jelly left to see.

"I made another one if you want it," Amber shyly said, handing me the other sandwich. My mouth still full of bread, I nodded and took it from her hand.

"She's trying to make you fat," commented Annie from behind me, "I wouldn't trust her if I were you."

"I still have some catching up to do," I remarked in between bites, "so I'm not really worried about that."

"So, I'm proud to announce that I saved most of your hair!" Annie handed me a mirror and showed me the results of her work. My hair was a bit shorter than previously, but it was straight, neat and the red of it was flaming, just like it was in my better days before the Apocalypse. I had to put down my sandwich to touch it, incapable of believing that it was real.

"How-how did you do that?" I realized I was actually tearing up. "You weren't lying about the magic..." I sobbed again, but smiled when I noticed Amber was looking worried. "Thank you so much."

"You can cry now, but once I'm done with your makeup, there shall be no tear to mess anything up, alright?" She pulled me into a hug, patting away the last sobs of happiness I was letting out. "Are you done?" I pulled away and nodded, wiped my nose on the towel and took back my sandwich to finish it. Annie sat in front of me and pulled out her makeup set, ready to work more of her enchantments on my face. It was very weird feeling the tickling of the brushes on my eyelids and face as she brushed the makeup around. I passively allowed her to do what she had to, executing everything she told me to facilitate the task. She finished with a dab of lipstick, and took a step back to look at her final work.

"Perfect," she whistled. Amber look pretty impressed as well, and I anxiously looked into the mirror. My breath got stuck into my throat: it had been years since I had last looked at myself and thought that I was actually looking good, but I simply couldn't look away this time. My skin looked smooth and even, there were no bags under my eyes or peeling dry skin in sight, and my eyes had never been greener than they were at this moment.

"Perfect," I repeated, and I meant it.

I don't know how long I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Probably too long for it to be socially acceptable, but I couldn't have cared less. I would cherish this moment for a long time, as the first time I felt like a woman -Hell, like a human being- again.

"You better have an outfit that's going to go with everything, or I'm going to be really disappointed in you, Annie."

She smiled and disappeared for a moment in the other room, to reappear with a wonderful long-sleeved dress. "This one should be your size, maybe a bit bigger but you'll get to fill it with time," she assured me. "No crying! You promised!"

"It looks beautiful, oh my goodness," I whispered, carefully touching the soft burgundy fabric. I hadn't seen anything this beautiful ever since the beginning of the Apocalypse, and back when my life was normal it would have been the kind of outfits that would have caught my eye immediately in a window. Annie handed me the dress, along with underwear and tiny heels shoes, and I closed the bathroom door behind me to get changed. Like she had warned me the dress didn't fit perfectly, the sleeves and waist being a bit too loose, but I couldn't have cared less. I was wearing the most beautiful dress I had ever owned, and I was the most beautiful I had ever been and would probably ever be in my entire life. After looking at every single angle of myself in the mirror, I finally got out to show the others, even twirling like a silly child to show off the dress.

"Wait 'til he sees you! The man will not be able to hold himself up after you strike him," joked Annie. Suddenly, it was like the little makeover bubble around me had collapsed, as I remembered why I was here getting all dolled up. Ben was sick, Julian was in prison, and I was going to marry a psychopath to ensure our safety. It all hit me at once, and I sat down, all traces of my previous joy gone. Amber crouched to my level, but unlike what I expected she didn't offer any sympathetic smile. She just looked at me dead in the eyes, her pretty face set in disapproval. "

"Why are you doing this?" she asked me. "Why are you marrying him?"

"Because… I need the points," I admitted.

"So do I," she told me. "And so does Annie, and so did Sherry, and so did most of the others girls here. You don't have a choice, Violet, so suck it up."

I was very surprised at her straightforwardness, but even more surprised that it worked to make me feel better. I had to do this. There was no other options, so I just had to play my part. After all, I was never one to go for the easy way.

We got married just like you would expect weddings happen in the Apocalypse, me in my unsuitable, borderline-slutty although beautiful dress, Negan in his usual white shirt, leather jacket combo. Thankfully, he had lost his terrifying weapon for the occasion, but his holster was still tied around his hips as we exchanged vows. The Sanctuary didn't have a priest, or a church for that matter, so it was Simon who married us in the biggest factory room, in front of the entire community. As if the humiliation wasn't bad enough, Negan had Ben parade from the back of the room up to us with the ring I would receive; as much as I hoped he didn't really understand what was going on, I knew he understood absolutely everything and that he resented me for it. The overall ceremony resembled a normal wedding, except much more ridiculous, humiliating and insulting.

I had always pictured my wedding day as the most beautiful day of my life; like every girl, I wanted my significant other to look me in the eye and pronounce their solemn vows, in a serious tone which guaranteed that they would respect them. And in return, I would have promised the Earth to this person, because they would have been the only person deserving of it.

This blessed day would never come. My wedding vows would forever be engraved into my mind, like a scar that can never heal.

"I, Violet, take thee, Negan, to be my husband; to love, to cherish, and to obey, til death us do apart." Every word, every syllable, was torture to spit out, stinging my tongue like venom and burning my stomach in rage. There was a fire inside me, consuming every last bit of my pride and joy, leaving nothing but a desire for revenge.

"You may now kiss the bride."