Author's Note:
Parts III and IV were actually written together over the course of two and a half days. I am generally satisfied with the result, although I can see that my reach exceeded my grasp. As is often the case, I find this story both too short and too long. Nevertheless, I hope you will enjoy the last two chapters!
~ ImpracticalOni
Prices to Pay—Part III
In a past life, Hijikata had been one of the finest generals of the age, rather than a reclusive poet who feigned alcoholism to hide madness. The fact that he hadn't died between the first life and this one seemed irrelevant to him. The fight with Kazama had more or less killed him, and was as good a marker as any between his public life of the past and his private life of the present. That said, it was the wariness of his past life that had made him place his sword just behind the doorway curtain before entering the main room of his current home.
"Thank you for making tea, Chizuru," he said calmly, ignoring the pain in his head that continued to sweep over him every few minutes. At least he was thinking clearly, and most of the weakness was gone. The glowing, passionate look Chizuru gave him as he approached briefly threatened to overset him, but he was fully in command of himself and had no intention of giving another inch in front of Konkani. The slight swagger that seemed part and parcel of his current form—Kazama's curse-was an asset in the circumstances.
"You're looking better, Hijikata-san," Konkani said politely. His unusually light eyes were both wary and assessing.
"Thank you, Konkani-san." The politeness was for Chizuru's sake. It was also tactically sounder than picking a fight with a man whose strength was as yet unknown.
Hijikata settled himself beside Chizuru, and accepted a cup of tea with a smile. They were both careful not to allow their fingers to meet in the process. Just sitting together was almost too much right now.
"May I continue, hime-sama?" Konkani's question was directed at Chizuru, but his gaze never left Hijikata.
"Of course, Konkani-san." Chizuru's reply was calm and sincere, but Hijikata could hear undertones of anxiety.
"As you guessed, Hijikata-san, my ancestors were among the strongest of the part-Oni born to Ainu women." Hijikata felt his lips curl, but Konkani's next words wiped the smirk from his face. "Almost all of the women who bore Oni children died in childbirth or shortly after. The name of each ancestress is known to us, and honoured even now, centuries later. We know little about the fathers. You see, the Oni did not view us as equals—naturally—and true names were much less freely given then than they are now, even among the Children of the Sun."
Hijikata found himself torn between sympathy regarding the arrogance of demons—his own white hair and golden eyes notwithstanding—and irritation at the overly-dramatic name for the Japanese. It was late in the year 1870 as the Westerners reckoned it; the age of the samurai was over, let alone the age of myths and legends. Except that the existence of the Oni and the rasetsu—of Chizuru, Konkani, and himself—suggested otherwise.
"The Ainu do not give true names to their children until they are old enough to understand the world a little," Chizuru put in, pouring more tea for both her guest and her husband. "In fact, an Ainu's secret name is only shared with the closest of friends and family."
"I believe I remember hearing that," acknowledged Hijikata. Given that some Japanese changed names throughout their lives, who was he to care? It would frustrate the bureaucrats, however. Bureaucrats were generally incapable of taking decisive action, but the current lot seemed determined to force a number of changes through, and they clearly wanted the Ainu 'gone'.
"We've gotten off-track." For the first time, Konkani appeared uncomfortable.
Before Hijikata could agree, his wife shook her head. "With great respect, Konkani-san, that is not so. Your history and your people are very important to you. Hijikata-san will understand you better—and your interest in us—if he knows more about the things that are important to you."
Konkani stiffened a little, and gave Chizuru a look that Hijikata had seen before. It cheered him to know that he knew his wife better than this interloper. Chizuru noticed more than people thought, and spoke her mind just when they believed themselves undetected. She could be oblivious to danger, and was still too trusting, but she had an annoying—sometimes annoying—knack for knowing how people felt. Moreover, after a while, she'd figure out why you felt that way, and then it was all over. So what was driving Konkani? Based on his own first impressions, and the way Chizuru kept nudging the man to discuss his people, he strongly suspected that Konkani was hoping for Hijikata's help against the Meiji government.
"Either way, princess, your husband's abilities, and his behaviour, are the main issues here."
"Forgive my interruption, Konkani-san." Chizuru bowed politely.
"Let's get on with this," Hijikata said shortly.
Konkani nodded to him. "Agreed. Eventually, those Ainu of Oni descent began to gather together. This was inevitable, since part-Oni were almost invariably married to each other. At this point, my personal clan is the last to have members with enough power to be truly distinguishable from normal humans. Also, among the Ainu as a whole, Oni lore and the heritage of those like me are no longer common knowledge."
Hijikata wondered briefly about inbreeding, but he'd had enough of the history lesson, Chizuru's interest—or desire to procrastinate—notwithstanding. There was still an awful lot about more immediate matters that he didn't know.
"So your clan is the go-to myths and mystics squad?" he asked bluntly. "And you're the chief fixer? I can relate to that more than I'd like."
Chizuru fidgeted a little, but Konkani wasn't fazed by Hijikata's description.
"In essence, yes. Which is why the Ainu scout who saw two Oni lords trying to kill each other among the sakura blossoms reported it to me."
"Makes sense. Figures we got seen by somebody who didn't just run away to consume lots of sake like a good little Child of the Sun."
Konkani blinked. Hijikata raised one of his thin black brows. Chizuru's lips twitched. Then Konkani smiled, real humour touching his somber eyes. It made his face come alive, and made Hijikata question how old the man really was. Appearance and authority had made him seem older. Now, Hijikata thought the man closer to Chizuru's age than his own. The smile faded quickly, unfortunately.
"As it turns out," Konkani said slowly, "it was just as well that you were seen, since it gave me reason to come south as soon as I received the news. I was told that the victor had collapsed, apparently dying, while the loser had simply picked up his sword and walked away. Also, although the scout questioned his own eyes and ears, he passed along that the combatants were General Hijikata and an Oni of the noble Kazama clan." He shook his head, and added, "I wish I'd been there!"
Hijikata forced back another stab of pain, together with unexpected amusement. The man's genuine disappointment over missing his fight with Kazama was palpable.
"I regret your disappointment," he responded acerbically, "but I didn't want to be there at all. I wasn't in the best shape to be fighting an Oni just then."
"No, I know you weren't." The light vanished from Konkani's face. He sighed. "Yukimura-sama must be an excellent doctor, based on what I saw of the damage quite a lot later. At least the scout was smart enough to get some supplies to you without arousing your suspicions. He said that your injuries were very bad, and closing too slowly for safety. Of course, eventually I realized how your lady was keeping you alive." He frowned.
Hijikata felt that he was finally seeing the real person behind the revered teacher and mystic. Konkani was a man with the hopes of his people pinned on him far too young, but competent enough to make it work, despite the no doubt punitive toll on his personal resources. He was the leader—or de facto leader—of a people who were losing everything to forcible assimilation and outright destruction. It was difficult for Hijikata not to sympathize, but it would take far more than sympathy to get him involved.
"Sharing blood with humans in any form is supposed to be anathema to the Oni, Hijikata-san. It was and presumably still is punishable by exile or death, according to what we were taught centuries ago." He held up a hand. "Not that you're exactly human, and not that you're under my jurisdiction, except as your actions affect my people. Once I met you and realized that you weren't a true Oni, I assumed you were a part-Oni like me, except closer in generation to your Oni ancestors. I can only transform at great cost, for example, and not for very long. You're sitting there as if born to it, although I sense that you're in pain. Also, I notice that you now have the same fashionable streak in your hair as I do."
"I do?" An instant later, Hijikata was annoyed for having let his surprise show. His mind immediately imagined the probable reactions of the others. Kondō would laugh and gently tease him for being vain about his black hair. Sōji would mock him without mercy. Saitō would say nothing at all until—
"It's new," Chizuru told Konkani. She smiled at Hijikata reassuringly. "And it looks very handsome and distinguished."
"Does it now?" Chizuru's praise had always been direct, sincere, and very embarrassing except when they were alone. Oh well.
"Of course," murmured Konkani. Jealous the man might be—and Hijikata thought that he was—but under all that smug there was a real, live sense of humour. Maybe it had atrophied from all the people Hijikata imagined fawning over him. He chose to ignore his conscience—and experience—which told him that any sense of humour had more likely been crushed by awful responsibility and continuous loss.
"My hair aside, what else do you need to tell me? I gather that there is or was something of grave importance?"
"Yes." Konkani's eyes lost all friendliness—assuming that Hijikata hadn't imagined it there in the first place. "Sometimes when you change form your eyes are red, not gold. I believe that you've become addicted to Oni blood, which is highly problematic, to put it very, very mildly. Let me tell you how I first met you."
Hijikata felt Chizuru stiffen. They were finally coming to it. The gods knew it had taken long enough.
"Konkani-san, it would be better if I explain—"
"No it wouldn't," said both Konkani and Hijikata in unison. They stared at each other in real shock for a moment, before Konkani glanced away and Hijikata turned to Chizuru.
She looked as startled as they were, but forced a smile. It was short-lived, however, and quickly replaced by a look of tense, unhappy anticipation.
"Go ahead Konkani-san," Hijikata said quietly. "You're up."
The other man studied him through narrowed eyes, and then shrugged.
"The Ainu have a handful of spies around Hakodate. Only way to know what your damned government is thinking—"
"I think it's fair to say that they aren't my government," muttered Hijikata.
"To be blunt, General, the Ainu don't really care. The Tokugawa used and abused us as much as any."
"Hence the rebellions. Go on."
"One of those spies watched your battle with Lord Kazama, as I explained. Lord Kazama vanished completely. My man was unable to either find or track him."
Hijikata scowled. He'd hated Kazama Chikage, and for very good reasons. He still did—mostly. But somewhere in there, right at the end, something had changed. It was incredibly frustrating. Plus, even though he'd technically won their contest and disarmed the arrogant, murdering blond bastard, there was absolutely no denying that the Oni had chosen to let him live. For whatever time remained to him, as an Oni, not a fake. He was grateful for Chizuru's sake, but sometimes bitter on his own account. If Kazama had really wanted him to live, he could have just given up on his witch-hunt and gone home. Hijikata had never wanted to accept mercy from the Oni.
"Hijikata-san?" Two voices, both concerned. Why did the Ainu leader even care?
He tried to shake himself free of the fugue. At some point, months after he'd physically recovered, the memories of that fight had started to surface in his dreams. He suddenly realized that they'd been bothering him while awake recently as well. That and the very worst of the war: Kondō's capture and death (always that, his greatest guilt and deepest pain); Sōji's anguish and despair, and his raw, bleeding anger; Sannan's lonely endurance and final sacrifice; Heisuke's sunshine smile drenched in blood, his body first smashed and then changed into something monstrous; Gen-san betrayed, but brave to the end; Yamazaki—gods, he couldn't think about Yamazaki. Yamazaki's face haunted him, dismayed and ash-white with pain and horrific blood-loss. (So many reasons to hate Kazama. Why was it so difficult these days?)
Unseeing, Hijikata buried his face in his hands. His cup tumbled to the mat-strewn floor, ignored by all present.
Saitō walking off to his death in Aizu, so that the great clan that had given the Shinsengumi their name and pride wouldn't die without the Shinsengumi at their side; an unexpected grief that Hijikata had never quite sorted out. Saitō had become a fury in order to preserve both the Shinsengumi and the army with which Hijikata had entrusted him while too injured to fight. He hadn't sought command, but had done his duty as efficiently as always. Ironically, Saitō had become the last official Commander of the Shinsengumi; Hijikata hadn't been able to bring himself to update the register.
Harada and Nagakura—rowdy and supremely skilled and loyal, and human to the end. To him, they'd been the true soldiers of the Shinsengumi: wild when off-duty, competent and dependable otherwise; the ones who did what needed to be done and didn't need him as a parent or mentor; the most likely to treat him as an actual person—especially Nagakura. Hijikata had both understood and deeply regretted their departure.
"Stop this, Hijikata-san!"
"Toshi-san, please… you must come back to us."
To everyone's surprise, including his own, he responded with reasonable lucidity.
"I'm right here. Just me and a few dozen ghosts and his fucking Oni highness." Drenched in sweat—again—but present. A bit hoarse, but he sounded human. Probably was, for now.
Chizuru had wrapped her arms around him. Konkani was standing nearby, expressionless and subtly menacing. Hijikata could read both ability and readiness to kill in his grey eyes, although it was tempered by a preference not to waste lives. He wasn't sure how he knew the last bit, but he did. That said, Konkani had found Hijikata's sword and was binding the hilt to the scabbard with expert knots. Hijikata's eyes narrowed, but before anger could overset reason, Konkani abruptly resumed his earlier story.
"My scouts sent word to me about you as quickly as possible, but by the time I found you, you and Yukimura-sama were already heading north, right toward me. I came across you after you'd stopped for the night. The fire was blazing untended, obviously newly-made. You'd managed a rough shelter and it looked like your lady had started meal preparations."
Everything started to hurt again—especially his head—but Hijikata forced himself to nod. "Continue."
"The signs suggested that you'd attacked your wife. When I found the two of you, there was quite a bit of blood—including on your mouth and clothes. However, Yukimura-sama only had one wound, a mangled cut on her upper shoulder that was rapidly closing. Well, I thought it was fast—turns out it was slow, for her. She was barely conscious, probably because you'd taken too much blood. You were trying to force yourself on her—or so it appeared to me. Yukimura-sama insists that I misunderstood, but I'm not so sure."
"You should have killed me." Hijikata's voice was flat and cold.
"I agree." Kankoni gave him smile as sharp and bitter as a winter wind. "But you were out of your mind, not physically weakened. Frankly—and take this as you will—you looked exactly like a man capable of fighting and disarming an Oni lord while near-mortally wounded. And you kept shifting form—human, Oni with gold eyes, Oni with red eyes—it was difficult to know how best to take you down."
"And?"
"The princess somehow knew I was there. She begged me not to harm you. Which, between you and me, was not my main concern. In the end, I knocked you out. Heavy throwing spikes coated with poison. It's not designed to kill, but I had to use a lot of it." Kankoni turned rueful eyes on Chizuru, who was looking pale. "Fortunately for all of us, I'm a very good shot. Your reflexes are incredible, Hijikata-san. It's been a long time since I was so tested."
Hijikata had been warned, had even expected some tale of the sort, but hearing it told bluntly by a virtual stranger was still shocking. You should have killed me, he told the Ainu man, suddenly certain that he would hear.
I know. I wasn't allowed to.
"Stop it, both of you!" Chizuru's voice was panicked, but still forceful. "Nobody is going to kill anyone. Not now, not later! Hijikata-san didn't actually harm me"—she ignored Konkani's evident disbelief and Hijikata's derisive snort—"and he's improved a lot in the months since. In fact, he's been improving even as we speak!"
"I'm not so sure," Hijikata said quietly. "And you can't be so sure, Chizuru, although I appreciate the sentiment"
"I am sure. You've heard Kankoni-san's tale—and I admit that he's seen you since when you've been at your worst—but it's only fair to hear me out as well." Chizuru relaxed her hold on Hijikata and sat back just far enough that she could look into his eyes without craning her neck. "On top of all that," she added, a measure of steel entering her soft voice, "you gave me your absolute promise to live, Hijikata Toshizō." Her chin went up defiantly, and her golden eyes blazed. "I do not give you permission to retract that promise."
Hijikata stared at her and then at the part-Oni Ainu man. The latter shrugged.
"She's an Oni princess, Hijikata-san. Her words must be taken seriously. The names of the ruling Oni clans have been passed down among my people for hundreds of years. She and Lord Kazama—wherever he is and whoever he is—are among the highest-ranked Oni in Japan, unless things have changed a great deal since the Oni were last in Ezo. However, based on known facts—descriptions of your battle, and my impressions of Yukimura-sama—I do not think I am mistaken regarding their status and likely power."
"You're not. But if I could beat your damn Oni prince—even temporarily—then what does that make me? Plus, I'd recently been shot in the back and thrown from a galloping horse. He was rested and uninjured. Just like he was the last time he tried to kill me. Kazama Chikage has the weirdest sense of honour—and I use the word loosely—that I've ever known. He threw a temper tantrum when I scratched his cheek—and he was trying to kill me for fuck's sake! Later on, he attacked me after I'd spent several hours in hard battle. I was hurt and exhausted. He'd made sure to bring a magic sword for crying out loud! How can the man—Oni—be said to have any honour at all! His retainer Amagiri has all the honour his lord doesn't, but I owe him for several deaths as well!"
"And for at least one life," Chizuru told him, her voice somehow cutting through his building rage. "Two lives, in fact. Amagiri-san interposed himself bodily between you and Kazama-san on more than one occasion. And he chose not to kill Saitō-san during the battle at the Magistrate's Office. You heard his—Saitō-san's—report yourself."
"Lord Amagiri sounds like a very interesting Oni."
"Forget it, Konkani-san. From the little I've seen, the big red-head is serious when he says he doesn't like humans."
"Even though he saved you from—"
"Look, he's a weird guy. He's polite even while trying to kill you, and he does exactly what he believes to be right. Usually that means obeying his lord. However, he takes protecting said lord to the extreme of trying to get him to be less of an asshole. That's my interpretation, anyway."
"He's a lot like Saitō-san," Chizuru put in quietly. "I think Saitō-san respected him."
"Maybe. Doesn't change the fact that Saitō's dead and Kazama isn't. Or Amagiri, as far as I know."
"Hijikata-san." Konkani waited for Hijikata to turn his (currently) purple eyes in his direction. "I got word yesterday that a number of the Aizu soldiers from the last of the fighting around Aizuwakamatsu Castle were imprisoned, not killed. While I doubt they were well-treated, the information I received states that they were released almost a year ago."
"They'd kill Saitō," stated Hijikata baldly. "Do you have any idea how many Satcho guys he personally took down? He became something of legend—a lethal swordsman in an age of guns. If Sōji'd been with him they'd have been unstoppable."
"It is rumoured that Saitō Hajime, former Commander of the Shinsengumi in Aizu, was among the prisoners released. Naturally that has been firmly denied by the government."
"I don't believe it." Hijikata knew that Saitō wouldn't have quit unless he'd been down. Plus, there was the whole fury… problem.
Konkani shrugged. "It's not my concern, but the princess wished me to find out. I agree with you that he either died or went to prison under an alias."
"I think he's alive."
Hijikata lifted his head sharply. "Chizuru. Just don't, okay?"
"No, it's not okay. And it's my turn to talk. Because nobody is going to die, or be killed—at least not anymore—especially you."
Now Chizuru was standing as well. Her glare was divided evenly between Konkani and Hijikata. She was no longer in Oni form—when had she changed?—but the two men listened anyway.
"Konkani-san. You agree with me that Hijikata-san is suffering from the same illness as many of men now here in Ezo. An illness that has nothing to do with being an Oni."
With obvious reluctance, Konkani nodded. "I agree."
"Toshi-san. What I was trying to tell you is that you're no worse than many of the warriors who have been told to return to peaceful lives, especially those who survived the war in Aizu, or the war here."
"I have no idea what you mean."
"I've spoken with a lot of people. Many of the men who served in the war—on both sides—are not dealing well with what they saw and endured."
"That's ridiculous," Hijikata scoffed. Problem was, he'd seen the way the war had affected his men as time went on. Some, especially those who'd seen the worst of the civilian casualties, just shut down. Most drank. A few became killers, living for the thrill of battle. Remaining aware and empathetic either got you killed or drove you crazy; that was the warning the veterans always gave the newbies.
"Exactly," said Chizuru. "There are quite a few ex-soldiers here in Ezo now."
"Fine, let's assume that I'm crazy with battle horrors." Hijikata tried for a bland expression, but as Chizuru's words sank in, he had to admit she might be—might be—right. "So what? Battle horrors combined with being some kind of Oni reject sounds like a bad combination to me."
"I agree with Hijikata-san," Konkani put in. "I must protect my people, and of course the Oni princess. Nothing I've seen in the last ten months has persuaded me that Hijikata-san is either sane or safe. I apologize most sincerely, Yukimura-sama."
"Well, I don't agree, and it just doesn't matter. Hijikata-san cannot take or wish harm upon himself without breaking his sworn word to me." Chizuru squared her shoulders, and Hijikata looked up at her. He loved her. More than she could possibly know. He would give up both life and honour if that's what it took to protect her.
"No," Chizuru told him sharply. "Since when is the Oni no Fukuchō a person who gives up! Listen to me—please listen to me, Toshi-san."
"Of course."
"When you fought Kazama-san, he named you an Oni—not a fake. He gave you an Oni name."
"So? His opinion wasn't important to me then and it isn't now."
"In your sleep you see his eyes."
"Yeah, well it's not a romance, trust me."
Chizuru put her hands into her kimono sleeves and gripped her elbows—tightly. Hijikata suddenly realized that she was very angry.
"This isn't the first time I've told you this, Toshi-san, but I believe it will be the last. And while Konkani-san doesn't approve of the way I've kept you alive, he admits that it may have contributed to what has happened."
Konkani sat down, holding Hijikata's now peace-bound sword in his lap. His expression was grim, but he remained silent. Hijikata sighed and rubbed at the lines between his black brows.
"Chizuru… I promise to listen. Properly. Will you please sit down?"
Having commanded her audience's attention, Chizuru suddenly looked embarrassed, and hurried to reseat herself. "Sorry," she murmured. Then she cleared her throat.
[END of PART III]
A/Note: Part IV concludes this "short" story. I hope you will enjoy both the story and (finally) the heavy breathing.