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27 June 2183—Cloning Laboratory, Virmire, Hoc System, Voyager Cluster
Corinthia opened the computer, deftly linking it to her omni-tool. Behind her, Wrex paced, shotgun in hand and ready to kill them all when he found out for sure that Saren had made a cure of the genophage.
Shepard, Alenko, and Liara watched the door. Garrus and Tali had stayed aboard the Normandy to prep the nuke and keep an eye on the scene. Williams had gone with Kirrahe's second team, though by the sound of things it wasn't going well.
"Ci-Ci, hurry up," Shepard growled. As loathe as he was to admit it, he was worried about Williams. Her transmissions were getting worse the longer her team fought. He should've let Garrus and Tali go with her, but Kirrahe had assured him that they were alright. Damned reptile, not knowing what the fuck he was talking about.
Cornithia stepped back from the console. "Well, Wrex, I've got good news and bad news..."
Alenko exchanged looks with Liara and Shepard. All three of them readied their biotics, ready to restrain Wrex.
The krogan stiffened, slowly turning to face Corinthia. "Careful, Ci-Ci," he warned. "I'd hate to have to kill you."
She held up her omni-tool. "The bad news is that Saren was only cloning krogan, so every last one we see still has the genophage, and it looks like a bit of. The good news is that the researchers here had started fiddling with cures and I've got all of that data now. It'll get to the right people, Wrex."
Wrex narrowed his eyes. "You'd better be right, Ci-Ci..."
"I like krogan. I'm not going to screw you over just because you can be scary sometimes." She patted his arm and made him lower his shotgun. "So, why don't we just get rid of all the weak krogan clones before they make your people weaker, hm?"
Wrex grinned deviously. "I'll personally disembowel every last one of them."
Although the situation with Wrex had been difused, Shepard was more tense than ever. "We need to keep moving," he muttered.
Alenko nodded. "Williams is getting torn to pieces. We should hurry."
Corinthia's omni-tool beeped. She frowned. "That's... I'm picking up... It can't be..." Without another word, she darted off through one of the doors. Shepard sprinted after her without another thought.
"Cassie!" he shouted.
"There's a beacon here," she panted over the radio. "You all can go ahead, but I have to see this thing for myself."
Shepard's stomach lurched. If she actually wanted to see what he had, then he had to stop her. He couldn't let that happen. "Like hell," he answered, speeding up and attempting to catch up to her, but she was too quick.
He found her standing before the beacon. Unlike the one on Eden Prime, it was intact and, to his horror, already functioning. She glanced back at him.
"Can't make heads or tails of this thing," she told him. "What about you?"
He took a spot next to her, eyes scanning over the selection. Even though it wasn't in English, he understood every last word of it. It was a connection to... something.
"No! Don't touch that!" he snapped, right as Corinthia's fingers flicked over the button to turn it on. Instinctively, he grabbed her to shield her from whatever else would happen, but the beacon only flickered and pulsed with light.
She released a long breath. "Oops..."
Shepard's focus, though, wasn't on her; it was on the red holo-image that was now floating before them: Saren's ship. Why would a Prothean beacon connect to that?
"Shepard," the ship said.
"What the fuck...?" he breathed.
"I have been watching you. You are becoming tiresome."
Something cold crept up Shepard's spine. He knew that voice, from his nightmares. It was the voice of the Reapers.
His eyes widened. Saren wasn't just working for the Reapers; he was travelling around in one. The ship was a Reaper.
Even with his arms still around her, Cornithia shivered. She knew better than to voice her fears, but she wanted to more than anything. His grip tightened so much on her shoulders that she could feel it through her armor. The ship was talking. She'd heard of AIs other than the geth before, but this was something else... And she was afraid. If she didn't know any better, Shepard was, too.
"You're afraid. You should be," the ship continued.
"What are you?" Shepard demanded.
"I am Sovereign. We are the Reapers."
Shepard frowned. "And what the fuck is that?"
"I am your doom. We came before."
"But you're a machine," Corinthia murmured.
"We are more than that. We are alive. You cannot understand. Your minds are incapable of comprehending."
Corinthia examined the holo. "A species of machines... Organic machines..." She swallowed hard, trying to imagine how that was even possible. It was the only explanation for what they were, for what Shepard had described. If it wasn't a ship, it had to be something living...
"You and your galaxy will fall."
Shepard raised his gun, pointing it directly at Sovereign. "It may not do a damn thing to shoot you like this, but I'll sure feel better. You're starting to get under my skin."
The Reaper laughed, making Shepard and Corinthia both shiver. "You fools. You can't even begin to understand what you face. You cannot stop us. Your destruction is at hand."
The visions were beginning to make sense. Cornithia extracted herself from Shepard's grip.
"And why, exactly, are you destroying us?" she asked, hiding her fear. "What have we done?"
"It is the Cycle. Your kind has had its time. Now it is ours. You are pathetic. You cannot fight us. You cannot stop us."
"But we're sure as hell going to try. So, fuck off." Shepard shot the controls of the beacon, ending the transmission. His hands were shaking. To actually talk to a Reaper, know that his visions weren't based on nothing...
Corinthia's fingers enclosed over his, pushing his weapon down to his side. She didn't say anything. What could she say? They were fighting... monsters. Something they couldn't understand.
"On the bright side," she said, trying to sound cheerful, "now we know you're not crazy, right?"
Liara coughed. "It would seem that our enemies were the same ones the Protheans faced..."
Shepard shouldn't have been surprised that the others had arrived, but he still spun around to face them. Every last one of them was pale (well, except Wrex). They all seemed to understand just what it was they were facing, now. Saren was just the beginning; a lackey, nothing more. Now they knew their real enemies.
"Glad I didn't have to kill you, Shepard," Wrex growled. "Looks like the fight's coming to you. And I want to be there when it hits."
Shepard didn't have time to be grateful. His radio beeped with a distress call.
"Shepard, where are you?" Williams radioed in a panic. "Things are getting messy down here. I need backup!"
Shepard glanced at Corinthia. The next stage of the plan was up to her. He didn't want to leave her — hell, she was still in his arms — but if he had to he would. Williams was a part of his team. If she needed help, he'd give it if he could.
"Leave me with Wrex," she said. "He can help me get to the deployment site and Garrus, Tali, and I can take it from there." She gave him a reassuring smile.
He wasn't convinced. "If I lose you..."
"You won't," she said sternly. She glanced at the console before opening her omni-tool once more. "Get going. We can handle it from here."
"If you fry your omni-tool trying to reclaim that data..." he warned.
"I know better than that." Suddenly, she started kicking at the paneling. Once dented enough that she could remove it, she reached inside the beacon and pulled out some of the components. "I'll just take it with me for later."
Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Is that even going to wo — Cassie, why the fuck are you gathering shit like that right now?!"
She went past him, juggling the Prothean artifacts in her arms. "Because I'm less than half a klick away from the bomb site and I'm not passing his up. If Saren was after it, I want to know why. You just worry about Williams. I'll worry about blowing this place into dust."
Shepard nodded, although his gut clenched. So far, the mission had been too easy, even with Williams and Kirrahe pinned down. Where was Saren?
"Be careful," Shepard murmured.
Even if they couldn't see much more than each other's eyes through their visors, she smile reassuringly. "Always."
Williams barely made it into cover in time. A geth colossus's particle cannon pulverized the spot she'd been standing in just a heartbeat before.
"Damn it, where's Shepard?" she panted, checking her assault rifle. It had been overheating more than usual and this was the worst time for any of that to happen. Of the fifty salarians who began at her side, only ten were left. And the count was dropping by the minute.
"Shepard, we've got the nuke set," Corinthia radioed. "We've got some geth, but we can handle it for now. Wrex is staying here. When we've cleared the area, we'll meet you by Williams. Or somewhere closer to the Normandy."
"Thank God," Williams said. "Shepard, please tell me you're close."
Around them, the geth started falling as Shepard's team arrived. Alenko was pot-shoting whatever geth Liara lifted. Shepard used his biotics to charge into geth groups and, for all intents and purposes, destroying them like a child would a disliked toy. Williams heart raced with hope. She hadn't liked Shepard as a friend, but she was damned happy to see him.
"Shepard! You beautiful man!" she shouted, grinning.
"Stay down!" Shepard shouted, diving into cover before he was shot in the head. "Where the fuck did all the geth come from?!"
"You're telling me," Corinthia radioed. They could hear her sucking in air, not to mention the gunfire around her. "More are arriving by the minute. We're... gonna try to get to you. That's where Joker's going anyway, right?"
For just a few minutes, Shepard had thought that things were going to end well, but now fear was creeping into his heart. It was stupid that she was the only thing that could make him afraid, especially when he was in a situation when he couldn't save her.
"Get your ass moving, then," he ordered.
"Yeah, yeah, on it already, Shep. I don't like being ankle-deep in water with a nuke right beside me."
Alenko ducked down next to Shepard. "It doesn't look good, Commander. More are coming by the second. We can't get evac until we clear the place for Joker."
"That damn cripple isn't worth shit," Shepard growled.
"Don't say things like that, Shep! You know he's good!" Corinthia radioed. She sounded perky, at least, so that was a good sign. There was also significantly less gunfire around her. "I've got Wrex, Garrus, and Tali with me. We're all fine, everything's ship-shape, ad nauseum."
"Just hurry up," Shepard commanded, his stomach churning with unease. The more geth that appeared, the more certain he was that Saren would rear his head. Cowards like that only came when they had an army to keep them safe.
Almost on cue, the turian appeared. Shepard's heart almost stopped to see his enemy in the flesh. Well, most of it. Now that Saren wasn' a hologram, Shepard could see that the turian was just as much machine as he was organic. He rode a hovering platform, arms clasped behind his back like an admiral watching his troops march by. He'd be monologuing in a few minutes, as soon as Shepard was isolated. To do that, people would have to die.
Everyone else would have to die.
"Shit, is that Saren?" Alenko breathed.
"Joker, get down here, now," Shepard hissed.
"I would, but those guns —"
"FUCK THE GUNS! You're in a goddamn battleship! Get the shields up and get your crippled ass over here!"
"I've got the guns, Shep!" Corinthia interrupted. "Garrus and Wrex have Tali and I covered. ETA five minutes."
"Make it two," Shepard answered.
"Three."
"We aren't negotiat —" Shepard stopped himself before they started a lover's quarrel in the middle of a battlefield. He was Commander Fucking Shepard and, girlfriend or not, she had to remember that.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," she said softly. "We're climbing the turrets right now."
Williams raised her head to see where Shepard was, but had to duck down as the geth peppered her with fire. She was pinned down. It had happened before and she'd gotten out of it alive; Shepard had shown up and saved her ass on Eden Prime. He could do it again. No, he would do it again. He had to.
"Shepard!" Williams shouted. Another wave of geth was flanking them and would negate her cover entirely.
Shepard was fixated on Saren. The world had slowed and muted. The edges of his vision blurred and darkened, focusing on the face of the turian. That bastard had tried to murder Cassie. Had forced nightmares into Shepard's head. Made him run across the galaxy on a wild goose chase. Cornered him in the middle of fucking nowhere.
He'd never taken threats lightly, even if they were from worthless, incompetent maggots. But the Spectre before him was the best agent the galaxy had ever seen. A legend, even amongst humans, and now Shepard was trying to put a bullet in the turian's brain. Or whatever was left of it, after Sovereign had twisted it. If Sovereign had twisted it at all.
Saren locked eyes with Shepard.
"So, we meet at last, Commander," the turian said quietly.
The words rang out, loud and clear through the air. The geth stopped firing, retreating to wait.
Shepard's anger was building, but he had enough sense to check that his shields were full before straightening. Alenko tried to stop him, but Shepard was determined to look Saren dead in the eye.
"What's going on down there? The geth have stopped," Corinthia murmured.
"It's Saren," Alenko answered. "I've gotta get Williams some help."
"I am on it," Liara murmured into the radio. "I can see her from my position. There are only a few salarians left beside her. It does not look good."
"Is she hurt?" Corinthia asked, signalling to Tali and Garrus that they needed to hurry up. "Shep, I'm finished on my —"
"Shut the fuck up, Corinthia," he hissed. He hadn't called her that for years, not since after he got to know her, but he had to forget that she was close to him. His head jerked when the radio crackled and went out. Even if it was Corinthia just trying to keep him focused so she could organize behind him, it only made things worse because now he couldn't hear her.
"Sorry, Shep, hit the cut off instead of the mute," she whispered. "You're still linked to me, so you can hear me, don't worry. I'll keep track of everyone else, though."
His heart calmed, but her voice had broken his focus, forcing out his murderous rage and replacing it with spine-chilling fear that he'd lose her again.
"The second the Normandy gets here, I want you on it," he said, his voice softer than it ever had been. "If..."
"Shut up, John," she ordered. "There are no 'ifs'. I'll see you at home."
Shepard put away his assault rifle and drew his pistol. They had their new target:Sovereign. Killing Saren would only slow it down, whatever it was planning, but whatever they did, it would be a start. He only needed one good shot. Saren wasn't a biotic, although his shields would have to be good.
"Can you hack him, Ci-Ci?"
"I can try."
"Good. Because if he shoots me in the head, I'm not sure mouth-to-mouth will work." He took a deep breath and stepped out of cover. As expected, Saren took a shot at him, but Corinthia had been fiddling with Shepard's shields and the shots just brushed right off.
Saren looked Shepard up and down. "I thought you'd be taller."
"I thought you'd be crazier," Shepard replied. Even if his focus was on Saren, his senses were on the entire periphery.
The turian mirthlessly chuckled. "You don't have the least idea of what's happening here. You're blind."
"And you were enlightened?" Shepard gripped his pistol, flicking off the safety. "I have the same fucking messages you do. And guess what? I'm fighting back. And so far I'm winning."
Something in Saren's expression flickered as he locked eyes with Shepard, but all the Commander could see was how the turian's eyes weren't even organic anymore; just some eerily bright blue cybernetics.
"The Reapers cannot be stopped," Saren said quietly, the edge gone from his voice. "We cannot fight them."
"Like hell we can't. You just need a big enough gun." Shepard took aim between Saren's eyes. "Or just have damn good aim."
Shepard didn't expect the shot to hit Saren at all, but it was worth a try. The barriers were too powerful.
"Commander, I'm disappointed," Saren chided. "Did you really think it would be that easy?"
Shepard shrugged. "Well, it was worth a shot." With that, he flung a singularity directly at Saren. The turian's platform shuddered a little as he tried to pull away, hopefully giving Corinthia the necessary opportunity to hack into it and disable it. Saren cursed and drew his pistol.
"CASSIE!" Shepard shouted, not out of worry, but just to make her work more quickly.
He heard something crash behind him, followed directly by the geth's garbled communication warble. Corinthia cursed loudly and, after a few shots, the geth stopped making sounds. A few seconds later, Saren's platform started wobbling dangerously.
"Look out!" Corinthia shouted, tackling Shepard. Shots flew above their heads as the geth closed in. Shepard rolled to protect her with his body, shields, and biotics. He could hear Saren escaping, but at least she was alive.
As he expected, her omni-tool was still open and she was working to try and keep connected to Saren. "Damn it!" she muttered. "Joker! Hurry up. Please!"
"Almost there, Ci-Ci." Joker answered. "Two minutes."
That short amount of time could last a lifetime, especially in a gunfight. Shepard was back-to-back with Corinthia, throwing geth away with his biotics while she hacked the area around them. Garrus picked them off from his perch. Tali and her drone had taken control of a colossus and were using it to destroy anything they could. Wrex and Alenko used their biotics to charge into group after group of enemies, disabled pieces of the AIs flying everywhere.
"Where're Liara and Williams?" Corinthia panted.
"Who the fuck cares?" Shepard answered. "Where's Saren?"
"I can't track him and keep the rest of them away, you know?" she snapped. "Pick one: us alive or him found."
It wasn't a hard choice, but Shepard wouldn't let Saren go so easily. "You've got two minutes, Cassie."
She took a deep breath and opened her omni-tool. Tracking Saren was as simple as plotting the easiest course back to Sovereign. She caught the location of his platform, but it was so close to the Reaper that their signals were mingling. "He's almost to Sovereign. I'm not sure we can get to him in time."
He was annoyed, to say the least, but he was more concerned about getting out of there alive. A wall of geth approached and he was isolated with Corinthia. The only thing he could do was to push his biotics farther and farther. With every field, his head reeled. He could feel his amp heating up by the moment. Blood dripped out of his nose, mingling with his sweat. He could taste it, copper and salt.
The Normandy soared into view. "I'm gonna fire on the geth," Joker said.
"Barriers up!" Corinthia ordered, edging closer to Shepard.
The Commander nodded, one arm encircling her chest and drawing her against him as he put up the barrier. His muscles were shaking from exertion and he knew the barrier wasn't worth anything. Corinthia put her hand on his armor. With a crackle of electricity, she revamped his shields.
"Do it now, Joker. The barrier can't hold against all this fire," she said.
.The Normandy flipped around, the gangplank dropping right in front of Shepard and Corinthia. He practically threw her aboard, jumping up after her. He had to grab onto the cargo netting for support as Joker swung around to let Alenko, Wrex, Tali, Liara, and Garrus aboard. They all scrambled towards the elevator, glad to be out of the line of fire. As the Normandy continued along its path, Kirrahe and his team came aboard.
"Shepard, I'm glad your mission was a success," the salarian greeted.
Shepard nodded, although he was thinking anything but that. Saren was still alive. To Shepard, that was a failure on every front.
"Where's Williams?" Corinthia asked.
Shepard scanned the field, finding the Chief pinned down between two groups of geth. They could get to her, but it wouldn't be easy to get her out. The Normandy didn't have rigs to draw people up like that. She'd had her uses, but she could be replaced easily enough, like any soldier. She had replaced What's-his-face from Eden Prime. There would be another one to take her place afterwards. There always was.
But finding one was the hard part. He'd been lucky that he'd just turned around and gotten another squadmate on Eden Prime. He had too many people for his squad as it was, but still...
Shepard checked his omni-tool. Detonation for the nuke was two minutes away. There might be time to get her... Might. Saren was out of reach. The cloning facility was and Corinthia were at his side, sniper rifles out and picking off the geth one by one.
Wrex cracked his knuckles. "Want me to jump in and get her, Shepard?"
In that moment, his gut told him that they needed to leave. Sovereign was drawing away with a bone-chilling blare — that dreadful noise that haunted his dreams. Saren was on the Reaper. Saren needed to die. He needed to die more than Williams needed to live.
"We have to move now," Garrus said, firing. "I'm clearing you a path, Wrex."
"No, there isn't time," Williams radioed, her voice steady and strong, even though her heart was racing in fear. "Get out of here. Go on! I knew what I signed up. I knew what was coming."
"Don't talk like that, Ash," Alenko answered. "We're coming in for you."
"No!"
"Commander!" Alenko demanded. "We can't just leave her there!"
There was only one decision Shepard could make.
"We leave," Shepard said quietly.
Everyone rounded on him to stare at him.
"What?!" Corinthia gasped.
"Leave her," Shepard clarified, his tone just as uncompromising as before.
"No," Alenko argued. "That's not our code —"
"I don't give a fuck about some goddamn unspoken code. It's either save her and die and let Saren win or leave her and get that bastard. Joker! Get us out of here!"
Below, Williams looked up at the Normandy. Wrex was ready to jump in after her. Corinthia and Garrus had taken out enough geth that Williams could maybe get closer. But that didn't matter. She understood only too well that she was expendable and Shepard was not. Sure, there was a chance to save her, but it was too slim. Did she want to live? Yes. Did she want Saren dead? Even more so. A real soldier knew when sacrifice was necessary; this was the time for it.
"Do as Shepard says," she radioed. "I'm not that important."
Even Wrex was moving against Shepard's orders, going to help. No one was going to let Williams die, even though she was more than willing to.
"No," Corinthian said. "We're getting out of here alive. All of us. Get up on that crate and Wrex will grab you."
Shepard wanted to shout that there was no time, but no one would listen. He'd gotten himself a team of heroes, every last one of them. That meant that he'd have to be one, too. He gritted his teeth, sure he would regret not just flying away.
"Ci-Ci —" Williams tried to argue.
"Shut up, Ash. I'm not going to let you die like this, hero or not," Corinthia retorted.
"God damn it. This is why I didn't make friends," Shepard muttered. He stepped forward, pushing past Wrex and Corinthia so that he could jump down to get Williams.
With little other choice, Williams let the rescue attempt carry through. Inwardly, she was grateful that they'd all fight for her, even if it was a stupid move. She scrambled up onto the crates serving as cover, picking off what geth she could as Joker maneuvered the Normandy closer. She could feel the heat of the engines through her armor. She glanced away from her enemies, hoping that Shepard was near enough to get to her. He was, hand outstretched. She grabbed him. His fingers locked around her wrist.
"Go!" he shouted. "I've got her!"
For a moment, he felt the thrill of being a hero. Why there were idiots that did the right thing at all times. People like Cassie, how she must have felt whenever she did something nice.
The Normandy drew away, pulling Williams with them. Shepard grunted with exertion, dragging her up. How could a woman weigh so damn much? Williams wasn't even trying to help. She wasn't even holding onto him...
He didn't have to hear Corinthia scream to know what had happened, why Willimas had gone limp. His elation vanished, replaced with the emptiness he was used to, that cold apathy that had given him his edge for his entire life. Without another word, he dropped Williams's body. They didn't have room for a dead body aboard.
The cargo hold closed with a hiss. "Everyone hang on. We've gotta outrun that nuke," Joker said, oblivious to what had just happened.
Shepard slowly removed his helmet and got to his feet. He could feel the eyes of everyone in the area, watching him, none able to believe what had just happened, that he'd just let her go. They didn't understand the cost of war. They didn't understand him.
"Anyone hurt?" Garrus called.
Alenko shook his head. "Nothing that can't be repaired..."
"At least for those of us here," Corinthia muttered, violently brushing past Shepard on the way to her locker. She tore off her helmet and armor.
"Did we get her?" Joker asked.
"Man down," Alenko answered quietly.
The ship fell silent, as if waiting for Shepard to speak. He didn't have anything to say, though. Death was part of war. Would they expect a speech for some yeoman? No one had cared when the other one had died in Eden Prime. Gaskins? Jingle? Who gave a fuck? He'd been stupid and had paid the price.
But Williams was not. She had done what she knew was right, what Shepard would have asked her and anyone (except Corinthia) to do. Worse, he didn't feel guilty. He'd ordered what he'd had to. She had agreed. Then he went out of hi way to save her and for what? Another dead body.
"Ashley was a good soldier," he said, knowing the whole of the Normandy was waiting for those words. They came out, but they were hollow. The only one that would hear and know that would be Corinthia. "But we keep fighting. She's just the first of many."
"Too many," Alenko added.
After a long moment, Shepard went to his locker and began to change into his casual uniform. Corinthia was still there, in her undershirt and skin-tight shorts, staring at her helmet as if she were trying to bore a hole into it. If she was angry or sad, he couldn't tell. She only cried in his arms, anyway.
"Gonna blame me?" he asked quietly.
"No, sir," she answered curtly.
"Don't do this to me, Cassie," he whispered. "Please..."
"We're not having this conversation, not here and not now." She glared at him, grabbing her pants and storming off barefoot.
Shepard groaned. Of course she'd be pissed. He'd ordered them to leave a member of the crew behind, even though said crewmember had practically asked for it. He didn't really give a fuck about Williams, nor had he ever, but he'd still tried to save her because Corinthia had wanted it. So much for being good paying off. He couldn't do anything to please her. Why did he have to fall for her before this whole thing and not after?
"We're clear of the Mass Relay, en route to the Citadel," Joker updated. After a moment, he added, "Uh, Commander? The Council's calling. They want to talk to you."
"Tell them to fuck off."
"Will do — Oh, wait. Nevermind. Ci-Ci's taking it."
Shepard gritted his teeth. Sometimes he felt like Corinthia was taking over the ship, but at the same time he had not desire to talk to the Council, the stuck-up bastards. So long as she didn't start a mutiny because of what just happened...
"The Chief was a good soldier," Kirrahe said as Shepard passed.
"Yeah, well, there are a lot of good soldiers," Shepard snapped, stepping into the elevator without another word. As if he wanted to talk about Williams; he would already have to do that with Corinthia as soon as she crawled into his bed. It didn't help that he was in a bad mood because Saren got away. It was that simple. To have had that goddamn turian there and escape...
There was no one to blame. That mission had been fucked from its conception. He was going to sleep, let his amp cool down, and recover. He wiped the blood away from beneath his nose. It had started to dry now, mingling in with his stubble. He'd needed to shave for three days, but had put it off for whatever stupid reason he'd thought of. Oh, right. Cassie liked him gruff.
The door to his cabin closed with a hiss. Without any further ado, Shepard climbed into the shower, hoping that the hot water would melt away the anger he was feeling. No such luck. If anything, he now felt worse.
When he stepped back into his quarters, Corinthia was there, sitting on his bed with her back to the shower. She knew very well that he generally did not wear a towel out of the shower. Although, she probably didn't know that he half-way did it on purpose in an attempt to make her want him. That damn woman was going to frustrate him to death, because he wouldn't help himself when he had the real thing sleeping next to him.
"Damn it, Cassie," he muttered, reaching into his footlocker for some underwear. "Don't you knock?"
"I did," she answered, still sounding annoyed with him. There were bruises all over her skin, from where she'd taken fire. Her hair was messy and needed to be cut. Even if if liked it longer, it still looked like shit. So did she, for that matter. She hadn't been crying, though, at least from what he could guess.
"Now what?" he demanded, slipping on his briefs and stepping in front of her.
She swallowed when she saw his still glistening body. That man was gorgeous and she was quickly forgetting why she'd come in. "I talked to the Council."
"I know. Joker told me." He crossed his arms. "And?"
"I told them the truth. She volunteered to stay behind so we could escape," Corinthia said quietly. "And that you decided to save her, anyway. She was killed as we pulled away. She'll be remembered as a hero."
Shepard locked the door and muted the comm before anyone else could interrupt. "Am I supposed to thank you for that?" He didn't mean to be so harsh, but that was how the words were escaping. He couldn't tell if she was distraught, angry, annoyed, or what. She was always the hardest to read when she was really feeling something.
Her eyes narrowed as she locked gazes with him. "It's going to be suggested that you left her to die. That you dropped her instead of hauling her in." Corinthia took a deep breath. "But I saw her shot. I saw..." She forced her eyes shut, not enjoying the memory. "She didn't scream on the way down. Her vitals were flat. H-her head..."
Shepard joined her on the bed, threading his fingers with hers. Her grip was limp, though, because she was still mad at him. Or perhaps because she really was shaken. She'd been the one to assign Williams to Kirrahe's team. She'd made the call and then Williams got cornered for it. Anyone else might have... There was no way to know, but Williams had been very, very good and was only cornered in situations where the only escape was death.
Corinthia's shoulders started shaking as she tried to hold back tears. Shepard instantly put his arms around her and put her head against his chest. She clung to him, dragging her knees up so that she could curl up in his lap. His fingers threaded through her hair, catching in the mats and dried blood. Her sobs caught at the pain, but then only came in stronger floods.
Shepard hadn't had any idea that she'd cared that much about Williams. To make matters worse, he was feeling nothing but jealousy about the fact that she had other people she cared about, that she'd cry for anyone else.
"You and Williams were close?" he asked, trying to sound sympathetic, despite how his gut was clenching in envy.
"N-n-no..." She sniffed and wiped her eyes. Shepard helped her out, although only for the excuse to touch her cheeks. "W-we got a-along, b-but... It's l-like..."
He knew where she was going. Even if he wasn't sure why he could remember her after the Blitz, especially because the party afterwards had been so fantastic, he knew that she only cried like this when someone she cared about died. Whenever she talked about her father or her mother, whenever she mourned them... If she was feeling vulnerable enough to mourn them.
"Like when your father died," he finished for her.
She nodded, clinging to him all the more.
He'd never been good at the comfort shit, but he had a feeling that his alternate method (kissing her into submission) would not go over well. At least, the rough kind of kiss, the kind that was full of need and not affection. His emotions were tangled up inside him, sticking in his throat and bitter on his tongue. He wasn't sure what they were, even, beyond a terrible, vital need to see her happy again. His heart sank as he realized he may not have been able to fix her.
It took him a moment, but he managed to make her raise her chin enough that he could kiss her. Since he couldn't talk to her, he could make her feel just how much he did. About her, at least. She was returning his kiss with an almost desperate need, her hands going up to hold his face. Her fingers dug into his temples and her tongue probed into his mouth, even if she still didn't know exactly how to kiss him like that.
He pulled away, his breath ragged. "Cassie, you're... I can't..." Damn it, he wanted her so much, but he couldn't take advantage of her like that. He met her eyes, hoping he'd understand. "Unless you're ready to give all of yourself to me, don't kiss me like that. I can't control myself, especially because I know you need me right now." He couldn't believe he was saying it, but he added, "And you don't need me like that, not yet. I won't do that to you." He was already regretting saying it, but he'd had to.
She sucked in a breath, nodding. "I-I'm sorry, J-John..."
He shook his head, putting a gentle kiss against her forehead. He could only hope that his self-control wouldn't snap the next time their lips met; she still hadn't put on pants. Still, he'd do his damned best and take a cold shower or five if he had to. With a sigh, he lay down on the bed, bringing her with him. He threaded his fingers through her hair, keeping his lips close to whatever skin he had near him.
"I let her fall, not you," Shepard murmured softly into her ear. "I'll deal with the consequences."
"B-b-but —"
"No arguments," he scolded. "I'm the commander, not you. People die and that's the end of it. I'll handle everything from here on out. You need to rest, to let go, and to move on."
"L-like you do," she stammered, her sobs calming a little.
"No, not like me. I never... never felt to begin with." He didn't want to talk about himself, though.
"That's not true," she murmured, her lips brushing against his throat. "You've always lov — cared about me."
His grip tightened on her shoulders. She'd caught herself, but she was still using words that he'd been trying to avoid, to never think about. That he couldn't think about, not until Saren was dead and they could actually be together.
"It doesn't matter," he rasped after a long moment. "I care now and that's enough. I care... I care more than you realize..." He damned his own lack of tact, his feeble ability to voice his thoughts and emotions — how he had ignored them for all those years, how he was too stubborn to let her inside.
But she couldn't hear him. In the time it had taken him to answer, she had drifted off into sleep, still clutching him tightly. He sighed and, with some difficulty, pulled the covers over both of them. Hopefully she'd feel better in the morning.