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19 July 2183—Aleutsk Valley, Noveria, Horse Head Nebula, Pax System

The Mako rumbled and bumped over the rough, icy terrain. Everyone was being extra careful, so progress was far slower than usual. Williams's death sat heavy with all of them, even though weeks had passed. It was less a sense of mourning, though, and more of a cold understanding that things were far more dangerous and not as glorious as they had imagined. Getting out of this alive wouldn't be as easy as they thought.

As if to avoid another massive conflict, Corinthia hadn't left Noveria's station. Shepard needed to get to Matriarch Benezia and Corinthia could just deal with the bureaucrats for all he cared, so long as she stayed safe. She did have to talk him out of leaving Wrex, Garrus, and Alenko behind to guard her, though. Shepard was slowly become a little overzealous in his desire to protect her, from practically ordering her to wear the heaviest armor he could find to wanting to go alone to take on an asari matriarch and her commandos. Corinthia found the gesture sweet and adorable, but politely declined and stated that she would be perfectly fine if it was just her and one other person running around Port Hanshan.

So, Shepard left Wrex with her. The big turtle wasn't happy about it, either, mostly because he had been looking forward to gutting some asari. Still, bashing in the heads of salarian profiteering bureaucrats was better than staying on the Normandy with Joker and listening to the pilot's extensive collection of obscure music and weird stories.

"It looks like Corinthia actually got us our garage clearance," Alenko said. He sat in the copilot chair, manning the radios and scanners.

Naturally, Corinthia had hacked the systems to get them out of the garage almost two hours before. Shepard and his crew were almost to Peak 15, where Benezia lay in wait. Well, was about to get her blue ass ambushed and kicked.

"At least we can get back in without getting shot," Garrus added with a chuckle.

Tali giggled. "Unless there are more geth waiting for us."

"That's probably going to happen, anyway, knowing our luck," Garrus replied. He leaned over, murmuring, "But don't worry, sweetheart. I've got your back."

Tali stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say. Finally, she fumbled with her omni-tool to find any way to distract herself. "I'm glad to know that you're looking out for all of us," Tali mumbled.

Liara clambered to squat between Shepard and Alenko's chairs. "If there's any way that we can spare my mother..." she began. However, she couldn't finish the sentence and pressed her lips together with a sigh.

Shepard exchanged looks with Alenko. "No promises," Shepard muttered, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. "Even if there's some kind of mind-fuck going on, Saren's dying."

Liara looked at him in confusion. "And if that is happening to my mother?"

"Uh, what Shepard means is that there are some crimes that are inexcusable," Alenko translated. "If he finds out your mother had anything to do with attacking Ci - I mean, Eden Prime or anything like that, the case to let her live isn't going to get much attention."

Liara frowned. "You mean to say that Saren will die for nearly killing Ci-Ci?"

Shepard wanted to strangle Alenko, but resisted the urge. "The bastard's done a lot of things to earn a death sentence," he growled. "Fucking up Cassie is just the best damn reason there is to make him die slowly and without a goddamn trial."

"I-I see... Would you spare my mother and let the Council try her?" Liara pressed.

"That all depends on how hard she tries to kill us."

Liara's biotics flared about her fists. "Commander, you may have not have any parents to love, but despite all that she has done, she is still my mother and I still love her. At least pretend to have the decency to respect that... relationship."

Alenko had to grab the wheel as Shepard rounded on Liara. "And you have to understand my position, T'Soni," Shepard snapped. "I've got an army of sentient organic machines waiting for any excuse to invade the galaxy, with a psychopathic Spectre and Matriarch running around helping them, and all I've got to fight them with is a ship and the people on it. I can't afford any loose ends. If she's going to help me get the bastards, then she can live. If she isn't, then she's just another liability. We can't have any of those."

"I-I understand," Liara whispered, withdrawing from him. "But I can promise you that, despite our relationship, I will remain loyal to you."

"You'd damn well better."

Garrus took a deep breath, glancing at Tali. "So... Let's just get a petition going for all of our families to be loyal to Shepard's cause and we should all be safe, right?"

Alenko and Tali burst into laughter, although Liara wasn't amused. Shepard smirked. "As long as they have guns, let them," he barked. He let the Mako roll to a stop just outside of the Peak 15 facility. "Who's ready to kick some geth ass?"

Corinthia stepped back onto the Normandy, tearing off her helmet and sucking in air.

Joker strained his neck to look at her. "You alright, Ci-Ci?"

Wrex was laughing, his shotgun still in hand. Blood splattered his armor from some fight (though what, exactly, was hard to tell, from the mixture of colors).

"Wh... Where... is... Shepard...?" she heaved. "I'm... go... oing... to... kill... him..."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "What did he do? Make you run out to fix the Mako? They're in the facility already, you know. That's pretty far to run in an environment so damn cold."

Wrex came up next to the pilot. "No. He made her wear some of the heaviest battle armor he could get his hands on through those Spectre connections of his."

"He's picking the uniforms now? Why couldn't he pick something that actually looks good? Like a metal bikini with a cape and heels and everything like that?" Joker whined. He jerked forward when Corinthia lightly smacked him upside the head. "Hey? What did I say? You'd look good in scanty fantasy armor, you know."

"Keep those images to yourself," Corinthia ordered, although she was blushing furiously. She went to the Galaxy Map. "Pressley! Mind hooking me up to Shepard's radio?"

"Of course, Lieutenant Commander," Pressley answered. "The Commander thought that you would request that, so it's all ready for you."

"Marvelous," Corinthia murmured, stripping her gloves off. She'd get rid of the rest of the armor as they went along. "Shep! Want me to be the voice in your head?"

"Are you on the comms?" he replied. From the way he was breathing, he had just been running.

"Yeeeeessss... Why?"

"Because that changes which answer I give."

Corinthia giggled and opened her omni-tool, pressing a finger to her ear. "Now it's just you and me," she murmured. "Is that better?"

"Yeah," he replied, "because I need you right now."

"Uh... We're not going to have that kind of conversation over the radio," she whispered.

"Jesus Christ, Cassie, I only need you to get this place working again! The whole fucking thing is shut down by that damn matriarch and I can't get in. I need you here with me. If you do much as bring up anything outside of this operation again, I swear..."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. 'Focus, Ci-Ci'," she imitated. "Let's see what I can find..." With a flick of her fingers, she replaced the Galaxy Map with her omni-tool's interface. She glanced at Pressley. "You're... not seeing what I'm about to do," she said softly.

"I've stopped questioning your methods," he answered, chuckling. "At this point, we have to do this however we can."

"Good, because Hackett would have my shoulder bars for this." Corinthia cracked her knuckles and went to work, page after page of code appearing until, finally, she had a map of the Peak 15 facility. There were heat blooms on almost every floor. "Looks like you've got geth all over, as usual... And some other kind of organic in the ventilation system. If I'd have to guess, I'd say that you've got rachni there, too. It's like some kind of bad doomsday movie, with the robots, bugs, and weather so bad it's gonna destroy everything..."

"Just get it done and get it done quickly," Shepard groaned.

"That's what she—"

"I swear to God, Ci-Ci, that's getting old! Get this goddamn facility back online!"

"Understood, Commander."

Joker chuckled. "I didn't think it was possible for him to get mad at you. I guess you said one too many jokes. Or maybe he's just deprived."

"Shut up, Joker," Corinthia growled. "Shepard is perfectly capable of getting mad at me."

"Alright, alright. Just saying…"

She sighed, softening slightly. Shepard snapping at her was less of him being truly frustrated (because he knew that, even as she spoke, that she was doing her job) and more of him attempting to... cover for their relationship. Even if he would gladly thumb his nose at regulation, there was a lot at stake if he was to be court martialed. Not that he would be written up for fraternization alone, but it would only add to the pile of other questionable things he had done.

Corinthia turned back to the map. "You're going to be going underground, Shep. The connection should hold, but I can't promise anything. I kinda stole the tech from Cerberus. It's really cool! It's called Quantum Entanglement."

On the other end of the connection, Shepard rolled his eyes. "You would..." Although those aboard the Normandy couldn't hear it, he and his team were in the middle of a fire fight with a group of geth. With Tali hacking and Liara biotically lifting them, Garrus and Alenko could pick them off relatively easily. Shepard could actually step aside and talk to Corinthia, although by his tone he would have much rather spoken to her alone.

She, of course, didn't even realize that he was about to scold her. "It works by —"

"Cassie, stop," he ordered, not even bothering to switch to a private channel. "There's a reason they keep coming after you."

"Meh. I've got you to deal with them, don't I? Besides, I thought we took care of them."

Shepard wanted to say, "Don't count on it," but he would be lying. He'd come save her in any situation, no matter how trivial or potentially mortal. His stomach dropped a little when he realized that he had let Saren escape on Virmire so that he could protect her.

"I'm not taking the time to wipe out an entire terrorist organization without orders," Shepard finally answered. From what he knew, he had come pretty close to it back in the Voyager Cluster, but unless the Alliance royally fucked him, he would stick with them before becoming a mercenary. Or he'd stay a Spectre. It paid better and the toys were deadlier.

"We can have a discussion about that later. Right now, though, I need you to help me out because I can't get this entire thing up without you changing some hard wiring. Soooo... Either you or Tali or someone's gonna have to help me out, there."

Shepard stepped aside as a geth corpse shot by, a gaping hole in its chest. "Tali, take Garrus and go fix whatever shit Ci-Ci needs you to."

Tali gave Garrus a nervous glance.

"We're on it, Commander," Garrus answered. He patted Tali's shoulder. "Don't worry, Tali. We'll be fine on your own. Ci-Ci won't intentionally lead us into danger."

"Yep! I've got safe routes plotted out for you right now. Would you prefer the path with the rachni or the geth?" Corinthia interrupted.

Garrus chuckled. "What do you think, Ci-Ci?"

"Geth it is! From your position, head out the east door. There's a corridor there..."

Tali and Garrus left. Liara wrung her hands. "Will they be back by the time we face my mother? She is... powerful, to say the least."

"How should I know?" Shepard replied, adjusting his grip on his assault rifle. "We don't have time to wait for them, though. Let's move."

Shepard ducked into cover. "CI-CI! How many more of these bitches are there?!"

After three hours of battling rachni and geth, not to mention rescuing a slew of researchers stranded there and surrounded by geth, they had finally reached the center of the facility. Matriarch Benezia was there, breeding an army of rachni for Saren. She brought a group of asari commandos with her and they were currently trying to tear Shepard, Alenko, Garrus, Tali, and Liara to pieces.

"They're scrambling all readings of the area, Shep. I can't tell. Either you wait until I get there or you just keep fighting," Corinthia replied.

He used his biotics to slam an asari into the wall. Her spine snapped with a sickening crack, blue blood bursting from her lips. "BENEZIA! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT SAREN IS A FUCKING MADMAN?" he shouted.

Benezia, however wasn't listening. She was too busy duelling Liara. The viciousness exemplified by the mother and daughter was breathtaking. Liara, who was normally so subdued and uncertain, had hardened into the kind of biotic that wouldn't hesitate to turn someone inside out. Even Shepard wasn't that cruel. Benezia was retorting completely in kind, the thought that she was going to kill her daughter never even crossing her mind. It wasn't right. Even if Shepard had family to hate, he didn't think that he could just... slaughter them without a thought.

"Mother! What has come over you?" Liara demanded. Her hands glowed as she drew up another field to block an attack from Benezia.

"You're a fool, girl," Benezia replied, her entire body flaring with power. She drew back, preparing a massive attack. "You don't understand what it is you're fighting. Who it is. The Reapers are coming. They will subdue you!"

Out of deference for Liara, Shepard hadn't shot Benezia between the eyes when they'd first met. He wished that he had, though, because it would have spared them an entire battle. If only it was that simple to deal with things... Now, though, he was tired, cold, and ready to get back home to the Normandy.

"I'm sick and fucking tired of this Reaper shit," he muttered. With that, he rolled out of cover, catching the Matriarch in a singularity and shooting with his pistol until her biotic barrier fell. He didn't even flinch or move as the other asari peppered him with shots, even when helmet's interface told him that his shields were dipping dangerously low.

Benezia grunted as the bullets hit her stomach. Liara screamed. The commandos stopped in shock that their Matriarch could fall. Shepard, Garrus, Tali, and Alenko used the opportunity to rid themselves of the unwanted attackers.

"She won't last long," Shepard muttered to Liara. "So make your last words quick."

Benezia groaned. "Little Wing..."

"Mother!" Liara rushed to the Matriarch's side, grasping her hand.

Shepard narrowed his eyes. Even he couldn't deny that Benezia's entire disposition had changed. He'd seen something similar in Saren, but Shepard had dismissed it as a glitch in the turian's upgrades. Was there something else going on?

Benezia stroked Liara's cheek. "You've grown so strong, my Little Wing... But..." She coughed, winced, and struggled to sit up.

"We'll help you, Mother," Liara said. "Dr. Chakwas can help you."

"N-no..." Benezia locked gazes with Shepard. "Commander, please... Listen to me while I still have control of my mind..."

Shepard crossed his arms, but nodded and opened his helmet's visor.

Liara pressed her palm over Benezia's forehead. "Mother! What's happened to you? I can feel... something..."

"There's no time!" Benezia coughed and fought against the pain as she leaned forward. Her hand extended to Shepard. "Sovereign... The ship is alive. It gets into your mind, makes you believe… Indoctrinates you... No one can fight it, no matter how strong you may be… I could not… Argh!" She clutched her stomach.

Liara was trying not to cry. "I have some medi-gel."

Shepard held his tongue. Medi-gel wouldn't save Benezia, nor would it ease the pain of the passing. He wasn't cruel enough to command Liara to stop an attempt to aid her mother. Even if the Matriarch was absolutely insane.

Benezia slapped Liara's omni-tool away, her gaze still fixated on Shepard. "Do you know what it's like, beating upon the glass as your hands torture and murder?"

Shepard's breath hitched. He did know that feeling. He'd felt it in brief moments back with the Reds and whenever he had the nightmares of the end of the galaxy.

"There is only so much I can stand..." Benezia continued, voice weakening by the moment. "Please… End this… You are the only one who can. Saren is planning… The Mu Relay…" Her omni-tool turned on.

Shepard put his finger to his radio. "Ci-Ci, you getting this?"

Corinthia didn't answer, but his omni-tool flared to life as Benezia waved her hand over his.

"Saren is going to Ilos. I… I cannot tell you more…" Benezia screamed and doubled over in pain. She didn't have long left to live, by Shepard's gage.

Liara grabbed Benezia's hand. "No, no, Mother. You cannot leave me like this! We can save you!"

"It is too late, Little Wing… I have always been proud of you…" She touched Liara's cheek. Liara reached to cup it, but it slid away as Benezia's eyes rolled back.

Liara paled. "Mother? Mother?!" She shook Benezia's body. Even if she knew that her mother was gone, she refused to believe it.

Shepard didn't want to watch that; he'd seen that kind of mourning once with Corinthia and she was the only person he would ever help endure it. He turned away. "Ci-Ci, please tell me you got something."

"Everything on her omni-tool," Corinthia answered softly. After a moment, she added, "Don't go all hard-ass right now, okay? Liara isn't a soldier, you know. And losing a parent isn't easy."

"I know," he said, glancing back at Liara. The asari wasn't crying, though. In fact, she was slowly getting to her feet.

"Liara..." he started, trying to sound sympathetic.

"I am fine, Commander," she answered, her voice steady and calm. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. "I shall only need some time to myself once we return to the Normandy."

He nodded. "You'll have it."

Garrus holstered his sniper rifle. "The facility is clear, Commander. Evac is on its way for the researchers."

Alenko carefully stepped forward to examine the large container in the middle. "What's in there?"

Tali joined him, her omni-tool out and scanning. "Whatever it is, it's alive."

"What's it matter?" Shepard replied. "We know where Saren is going. We should follow him. Now."

Behind him, a dead commando's body staggered and shuffled towards him, hitting his shoulder as it passed and turning to face him.

Garrus blinked. "Uh, Commander..."

"What?!" Shepard replied, now getting quite irate. He jumped and almost shouted when the dead asari shambled by him. "Holy fucking hell!"

The dead commando spun around like a marionette and pressed her back against the glass. Her eyes opened, as black as when Liara joined minds with Shepard. Behind her, a rachni the size of a mountain moved, letting Shepard see its face. As much as he hated the bugs, this one was different, he could tell. He wasn't sure how, exactly, but it was.

"I am the voice of my people," the asari said, her voice echoing metallically. "I am the rachni queen."

Shepard put his hand on his pistol. "Yeah, and your offspring's gone bat shit. That's not a good reason for me to listen."

"Please, forgive them. They were born without the song and went mad. They never learned to sing."

"Sing?" Alenko repeated. "That's not how I'd describe it..."

"And you did?" Shepard asked the rachni.

"My people are not cruel or destructive by nature. We were poisoned a sour yellow note… a tone from space which muted one voice after another. They cannot be saved, but the future of our race lies in your hands. If you release me, we shall go to the far edge of the galaxy to rebuild in peace. If you destroy me, then my children will never learn to sing and will fall into a madness that can only end in blood and the end of our species."

Shepard didn't like the rachni. Hell, he hated bugs in general (especially spiders). Letting one that big go free was a big risk, but at least there wouldn't be more. If she was the only queen. Wait, how could she be?

Normally his policy was to shoot first and ask questions later, but something in the back of his head told him that killing this queen wasn't the smarter choice to make. He couldn't explain it, either, and he could only hope that there wasn't something else trying to mess with his mind.

"If I let you go," he said, stepping forward, "I don't want to see you or any of your... children ever again, is that clear? Because I will kill every last one of you I meet."

"I shall journey to sing where the notes cannot be soured," she answered.

"Don't expect me to give you a ride, either." He went to the controls, hesitating with his hand over the cage release button. "Don't make me regret this."

The pod rose to the surface. The asari's body fell away, dead once more.

Alenko, Garrus, and Tali exchanged looks. Shepard had just been... merciful. Very merciful. That wasn't in his character at all.

"Shep, I've got a massive rachni on the radar outside," Corinthia messaged. "Holy… It's got to be fifty feet long!"

"I know," he answered. "Don't worry about it. I'll explain when I get back."

"Uh…"

"Trust me."

Back on the Normandy, Corinthia hung her head and signaled that Joker couldn't go on a shooting spree. "I do. The area's clear. There's a team coming to get the stranded scientists out. Conditions are still too bad for us to come get you, so you're just going to have to ride with them."

"Understood," he answered. "You seriously weren't listening to everything that just happened?"

"Nope. I had to deal with Joker," Corinthia answered, glaring down the CIC at the pilot. "He's getting a little trigger happy."

"I'll kick his ass when I get back. Shepard out."

22 July 2183—Comm Room, SSV Normandy, en route to the Citadel

Liara blankly stared ahead at the wall, not hearing Corinthia's debriefing. Although Liara had yet to cry over the loss of her mother, she was still unwilling to speak about it.

Garrus leaned forward. "So, what you're saying is that the Reapers can control people's minds if you're around one of them for long enough," he summarized.

Corinthia frowned, not particularly liking that the turian had summed up her entire half-hour explanation of her findings in that simple sentence. "Well... yes."

Wrex snorted. "Weaklings."

Corinthia shook her head. "I take it you didn't read either Saren or Benezia's file."

"Why would I have? I'm just here to shoot things." Wrex clasped his hands behind his head with a smirk. "And blow things up. Right, Shepard?"

Shepard rubbed his eyes. "Saren was a Spectre for a reason and an asari matriarch is not someone you ignore and tell to fuck off. This... indoctrination shit is serious if it could overpower both of them. Beyond them... attacking Eden Prime and everywhere else, we never would have known that they were being controlled." He would never say, but the thought that he couldn't know his friends from his enemies was actually scaring him a little. He'd been in that situation before and he didn't want to go back.

Corinthia put her hand on his shoulder. "I think that about sums up everything that needs to be said. I'll alert the Council and we should plot a course for Ilos. That's going to get a little complicated, since no one's been through the Mu Relay before. Crew dismissed."

Even if she was usurping his authority a little, Shepard was grateful that Corinthia had stepped in. As soon as the doors were shut, Corinthia stepped in front of Shepard. "You look terrible, John. When's the last time you slept?"

"Twelve hours before we landed on Noveria," he replied, wearily rubbing his eyes.

She grabbed his arm and tugged him to his feet. "Okay, big boy, you're going to bed," she grunted. "Now. I'll get those reports done for ya while you sleep."

"Keeping an eye on me?" he asked, sounding far more grateful than he may have intended to. Not that he wasn't, but his goal was to sleep with her in his arms, not to have her do his job for him.

As soon as they'd walked out into the CIC, he staggered. She caught him, only barely, and helped him to his cabin. Once inside, he fell back onto the bed, pulling Ci-Ci with him and rolling her beneath him.

"Oof," she squeaked. "John, you're heavy..."

He shifted a little so that he could lay his head on her breast. "What's going to happen after this?" he whispered into her skin. He was too exhausted to even think about kissing her, or trying to. In fact, the only thing on his mind was how he didn't ever want to let go of her. In his tired state, he was actually willing to think about them, what would happen...

"This being…?" Corinthia said, wiggling to kick off her boots.

"Anderson isn't going to like this. Us."

Her heart pounded. Shepard didn't talk about them, not in that capacity. She'd just... assumed that there weren't any questions to ask, but now a whole horde of them was begging to escape her lips. "You aren't breaking up with me, are you?"

"No." He struggled to push himself up onto his arms so that he could kiss her. He leaned down, pressing his lips over hers, somewhat more sloppily than usual. Still, she was kissing him back and curling her arms around his neck, pulling him back down on top of her. His arms gave in and he landed on her, their kiss ending as he gasped an apology.

"It's fine," she murmured, pressing her forehead against his. "I'm just grateful that... Well..." She didn't have the words for it. "That it's not over," she finished weakly.

He settled himself back on her chest. "I couldn't end this even if I wanted to."

She kissed the top of his head. "If you had to leave me... I'd understand, but I'll only accept a Reaper invasion as acceptable grounds."

He didn't have the energy to laugh. He flipped onto his back after a long moment of listening to her heartbeat. "You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"About what you think will happen."

"Oh..." She rolled onto her side, looking at him with her head propped up on her hand. "Do you really think I think that far ahead?"

"You're a dreamer. I'm…" He hesitated, not sure how to explain himself. Had he thought about them after they got Saren? Yes, but only the sense that he'd just do whatever it took to make damn sure that she would be his. If that was marriage or sex or whatever, he'd do it. Not that he was ready to get married... to anyone, even her... The thought of that alone made him dizzy.

"I don't think like you," he continued. "I'm taking what I can get while I can get it." He sat up apologetically. "I don't mean it like that, really! I just… It gets all fucked between my brain and my mouth when you're around me and... Shit, that isn't what I meant, either..."

"You're taking it one day at a time," she finished for him. "I get it. Really. There isn't any other way we can take it, you know?" She sat up, drawing her knees to his chest. "And, I know how hard it has to be for you to... resist pressuring me into us being more intimate..."

He groaned. It was hard enough not to think about making love to her on a normal day, but with all of his barriers broken down he was left with only his emotions and his instinct. That meant his affection for her and his desire to show it.

"It's because I... care about you," he concluded, the word 'love' unable to pass his lips, even in his weakened state. Maybe it was true. Maybe he could start to be willing to admit it. But if he did... Every action he would make would be about her, which would get him kicked out of the Alliance if he wasn't careful enough.

Corinthia looked at him, her eyes glittering. He'd said that before, but there was something else about the way he said it that wasn't quite normal. It was deeper than usual, much deeper. As she realized just what he'd intended to say, but had perhaps been too sheepish to admit, a grin slowly spread across her face.

His heart leapt at the sight of her smile, but even that expression of pure joy wasn't enough to quell the other deeper, darker thought now creeping to the forefront of his mind. He swung his legs over the side of the bed. "I'm not sure we're going to survive this." He jolted forward when she hit the back of his head. "What the fuck was that for?!"

"No. You aren't allowed to think like that," she scolded. "I can think like that, but you're Commander Fucking Shepard. You're the most epic and awesome thing that this galaxy has ever seen. You aren't allowed to think that you'll fail because you can't and you won't."

He shook his head, only feeling a little better. "I'm still human." That fact was almost as hard to admit as it was to tell her how much he cared about her.

She crawled up behind him, put her arms around his shoulders, and kissed his cheek. "Only around me. And, just so you know, you are allowed to feel… mortal." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, John. I cut you off and I shouldn't have. It's just that I've never seen you… weak. It's unnerving. And sweet, in a weird kind of way."

He blinked in surprise. "So you've spent all this time thinking that I was some kind of god?"

She thought for a moment. "Yeah, pretty much."

"You're in for disappointment. I'm going to fail at some point." He put his face in his hands, his last bit of self-control breaking. "Maybe this is Williams's death hitting me. Maybe it's just the fear of losing you… God, I don't know anymore. This whole thing is just… draining me. I killed Liara's mother today, and she was just… indoctrinated. That means that Saren is, too. AND I let the rachni queen free, which could easily doom the galaxy if they decide to invade again, and I did that because I thought it was the right thing…"

"John..."

He spun and grabbed her shoulders. "What the hell are you doing to me, Cassiopeia?! I NEVER had ANY regrets or reservations! They call me the Butcher of Torfan and I never once cared. I let one of the best members of our crew die! I let Saren get away so that I could protect you — you! And I don't care! I still don't, even though it could put me in prison and kicked out of the Alliance and that would take away everything I care about. I'd still do it again." He crumpled, his shoulders shaking. "It isn't supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be the hard-ass, get-the-job-done-at-any-cost, last resort. You're turning me into a goddamned hero and I don't like it. It's like you took my mind and… and… ARGH!"

With another roar, his biotics flared and he surged forward, fist propelled into the wall. The sound echoed hollowly throughout the room. He rubbed his hand, feeling two broken knuckles. He didn't care about the pain; it made him feel more than human to be able to ignore it.

Corinthia sat back on the bed, heart racing in fear. If she hadn't let go of him...

"I'm sorry…" she whispered. Now she felt extremely guilty for ever thinking him more than human. It had never occurred to her that he didn't like being a hero.

"I don't want your apologies," he growled. "You haven't done anything." He ran his hand over his head and over his chin, feeling the stubble. "Shit, Cassie..." he added, seeing her expression. No wonder why she respected and put him on such a high pedestal. No matter how much she cared about him, she was still afraid of him. His expression softened and he rejoined her on the bed. When he held out his arm for her to come to him, she did and gratefully curled up against his chest.

He pressed his lips into her hair. She'd been in the shower right before the crew meeting, so it was still damp and smelled like lavender. Where'd she get stuff like that over the standard issued stuff?

"I know I did the right thing," he murmured. "I know we're doing the right thing. It's just that the pressure is… I can't handle it alone."

She looked up at him, hope brimming from her eyes. "So… you aren't mad at me?"

"Believe me, I want to be, but I'm not." He threaded his fingers in her hair, making a note to tell her that she should keep it longer. "I've always been sure of myself. It's how I've survived this long. You make me feel nervous and awkward, sometimes, because it actually matters to me what you think about me and what I do. It doesn't make any sense, but it's the truth. I don't like it, but I'd rather feel like that than not feel at all." He grabbed her hand and put it over his heart, leaning down to put their foreheads together. "You just… you make me feel."

Part of her was melting because of how sweet he was being and part of her wanted to laugh at him. The former won and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately with enough force to knock him back onto the bed. He held her tightly, relishing her taste and trying to fight his primal instinct. He barely succeeded, pushing her off him with a gasp. He wanted her so much that he was incapable of speaking except in a groan.

She licked her lips, panting. "John... W-we... Shouldn't..."

He nodded dumbly, finally managing to rasp, "Shower." He got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, turning the water on as cold as it could possibly go. Whether or not she'd be there when he got out was something he'd worry about later. He ran a hand over his face, stepping into the icy stream. Of all the women he could've fallen in love with—Williams, Liara… hell, even Dr. Chakwas—it was Ci-Ci. He just hoped that he would never come to regret it.