Alexis walked out, her book bag on her shoulders, and scanned the sea of adult faces looking for her dad's. A couple of seconds of searching had the girl conclude that he wasn't there.
And he was always there.
He was always there.
The girl furrowed her brow, wondering, still searching, and amidst the amalgam of people waiting by the gates, she recognized another familiar face, waving at her. Relieved, Alexis excitedly cried out, "Kate!" as she ran to the school's open gates.
Kate crouched, catching the girl into her arms and reciprocating the bear hug she was caught in, and she mumbled in the girl's hair, "Hey, bud. I'm happy to see you."
Letting go of the girl, Kate waved to the women, standing at the doors, and chuckled to herself. She'd been to this elementary school enough times to be recognized by the pick-up lady. How had this happened? How had she managed to step in this life? Managed to be sane, content… Happy.
It was an idea, a state of mind, once upon a time so far away, unreachable even, but today, yesterday, tomorrow, she found herself happy; content in the little things that made up her day. In the way her son's fist crumpled up her shirt when he heard the garbage truck pull up. In the way Alexis cuddled up to her side as a movie progressed and her eyes started to shut. Or in the way her father sung, under his breath, when he opened their apartment door, coming home from work.
It was with the way she rarely found herself thinking about Detective Beckett and her plucky sidekick, the way real was slowly edging its way to the surface where she had thought hallucinations had taken root forever.
And she was happy.
After years of struggling to find it after her mother's murderer had taken it from her, after she'd spiraled out of control, after she'd lost herself and struggled to find who she was again, after she'd pushed her emotions aside, the people she loved away. She'd finally managed to find it again, happiness, with her father, with her son, and to her surprise, with Rick, with his daughter, in the ordinariness and normality that was her life.
She watched as Alexis, excitedly tickled the boy's sides, buckled into the stroller, as she cooed a, "Hey, Nikki," placing a kiss on the top of his curly set of hair. The red head laughed as the 11 month old giggled, giving her a mostly toothless grin as he excitedly babbled, kicking his feet with intense glee.
Kate couldn't help but smile, because her son, he loved the Castles as much as she did.
Alexis beamed, and looking to Kate for confirmation, she asked, "I get to push the stroller, right?"
"Of course, Lex," Kate winked, moving over to let the girl take the lead.
The 10 year old smiled, asking casually, as she moved into position, "Where's dad?"
"There was an emergency. He asked me to fill in," Kate simply answered.
"Oh," the girl added, her eyes narrowing to the ground, trailing circles with her right foot.
"Every thing's fine, bud," Kate encouraged, pulling the red-head in a side-way hug, and placing a kiss on the top of her head. Emergency was not the word she should have used. It sounded scary, and dramatic. She should have found a better word. There probably was nothing to worry about. Most certainly there was nothing to worry about. She should have used another word; she hadn't meant to worry the girl. In what was Kate's most cheerful tone, she added, "It's you and me for a bit, Lex. Then, your dad will join us."
"And Nikki," the girl pointed out softly, seemingly relaxing, squeezed in place by Kate's arm around her.
"Of course, and Nikki. We can't forget the little rascal," Kate added, nodding, while loosening her pull on the girl. "What do you want to do? Are we being studious, and going to the loft? Doing our homework?" she questioned, giving the girl an overly bored look, dramatically rolling her eyes, to Alexis' shy amusement.
"Are we going conventional with a trip to Central Park? Or are we going all out and buying some pretzels, and going to the museum?" added Kate with more excitement as Alexis seemed to ponder on the options.
Then, Alexis' eyes widened as her smile grew, and she exclaimed, "All out!"
"That's what I'm talking about," Kate winked.
Alexis' excited eyes then narrowed to the ground, and her arms found their way to her back, as she confessed, "But I should do my homework."
Kate's fingers pressed the girl sides, tickling, teasing. "Or you could do them later," she smiled, "I'll help you," she winked.
Alexis shyly smiled in response and Kate stated, "Play now, work later, huh."
Alexis chuckled, "You sound like my dad."
"Yeah. I think he's rubbing off on me," Kate chuckled in turn, putting her arm out so Alexis would grab it. The girl looked at her, smiled, and placed a hand in the crook of the woman's elbow, adding jokingly, "Except he never works. He always plays."
A high pitched sound from the stroller demonstrated Nikki's approval, or maybe his need for attention, and Kate chuckled at the statement; the man did love to play.
They started their walk again, Alexis behind the stroller, and a few paces in, Nikki, still babbling to himself and to everyone around, in his mysterious baby language, that Alexis either understood, or at least pretended to, clumsily threw his pacifier away in a moment of excitement. Kate mindlessly walked to the side, picked it up and shoved in her pocket as they continued their journey towards the Children's Museum. Turning towards Alexis, she asked, "So, anything interesting happened today?"
Nicolas answered in place of Alexis, babbling loudly, intermittent with angry shrieks, making his discontent known, causing Alexis to stop in her tracks, shooting Kate a concerned look.
Kate bent in front of the stroller and Nikki's arms shot up, his small hands opening and closing as his mouth made sucking movements on an imaginary pacifier. She shook her head, "Baby, I can't. Your binky's all disgusting now," she explained, trailing her fingers in her son's unruly hair.
A whine demonstrated his disapproval as crocodile tears trailed down his chubby cheeks, his arms still in the air, rocking back and forth, grabbing an imaginary pacifier.
"Nikki, you threw it on the ground. This is New York City, it's nasty," added Kate, rational in front of her son's distress.
The baby continued his cries, and Kate, not proud of her lack of detachment, of authority, couldn't bear with it, with her son's helpless cries. So, she took the pacifier back out of her pocket, and her son's eyes grew wider as she wiped it on her coat.
Rolling her eyes, she stated, "God, I'm disgusting," as she winked at Alexis before popping the binky in her mouth and sucking it a few times. She gave her son the pacifier back, and content, he set his set of curly brown hair back in the stroller, silent.
…
Alexis smiled looking at the scene unfold, a spectator. She found herself feeling jealous of Nikki, not that she'd ever realise it, not that she'd ever verbalise it, but he had a mommy, he had Kate, and recently, Alexis found herself pretending she was her mother too.
Alexis had her father, she couldn't say she wasn't happy with her dad, she could never say that; he was a great father. They slayed dragons and saved the princesses together. They played laser tag and pretended the floor was lava. They read stories and had pancakes for breakfast, but sometimes, Alexis wished she had one, not a mother, because she had one of those, Alexis wanted a mom. One to tuck her in, sing a song or read a story. One to braid her hair and talk about her day. One that would just show up, for no other reason than to be there.
So, in times like these, she found herself pretending, wishing even, that Kate wasn't only Nikki's mom, that she was hers and that with her father, they made a great big family.
"Kate?" Alexis asked tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"For what, bud?"
Alexis shrugged her shoulders, smiling shyly. It had been her and her father for so long now, this private club, this little bubble, impermeable to the outside world. It had been her and her father when he was married to Gina, and it was her and her father when Meredith came over for a visit.
She didn't fully understand what was happening between Kate and her father, but she was grateful for it, grateful for the woman that had managed to come in and make them… complete.
They weren't the typical mommy and daddy. They didn't sleep in the same bed; they didn't even sleep in the same apartment. They didn't kiss on the mouth or hold hands in the park. But even in her ten year old mind, Alexis understood they cared more about each other than certain moms and dads she knew. It was in the way they looked at each other, they talked to each other. It was in the way Kate was there for her, for them, even in the everyday banalities.
Then she answered, "For coming to get me when dad couldn't."
The girl's grin couldn't help but grow as she looked over to Kate, who answered, "Always, Lex."
It was her and her father.
Or it had been until Kate had entered their impenetrable society.
And Alexis was grateful for Kate, more than grateful, she loved Kate.
"So, what happened in the fifth grade today, bud?" inquired the woman.
Alexis beamed to the women as she answered, "So, so much."
I know I suck on the updating, hopefully with summer here, and recovering from a major writer's block (or over-thinking it block!) the updates will come more regularly. Hopefully I haven't lost all of you.
Once again thanks to CaskettFan5 for the beta. He's still amazing.
Share your thoughts. :) Or don't, I'm not the boss of you. Anyways, thanks for reading.