Author's Note: Thanks to LeroyZanzibar for betaing and letting me idea bounce! I appreciate all the help! :D
Disclaimer: Mass Effect is copyright of Bioware. Many of the characters contained herein—Shepard included—are property of Bioware. Shepard is partially of my forging, since I am able to choose many of his reactions to events within the parameters of the game. The sequence of events and their outcomes are property of Bioware. The interpretations of and reactions to the events are largely my own. Ci-Ci is mine. Please do not repost this story or any parts of it herein. Always give credit where it is due. I owe the Mass Effect Wiki a great deal for helping me figure out timelines, details, and other such things that I did not pick up during the game.
I welcome constructive and/or encouraging reviews/critiques. Thank you for reading. Enjoy!
15 May 2185—the Purgatory, Osun System, Hourglass Nebula
The second Shepard stepped onto the ship, he smelled a trap. Everyone he met had this idiotic idea that they could take him in a fight, which meant that anyone who had anything against him tried to do something stupid. He doubted that any for-profit prison would let him leave. There were enough bounties on his head to fund three very comfortable retirements.
The head of the prison ship was a turian calling himself Warden Kuril. He had been some kind of mercenary, but left when there wasn't enough money in it. Even if he didn't say it himself, Shepard knew the type.
The prison ship was large, with each prisoner contained in their own individual module. Mechanical arms would move them to the walkways so the prisoners could be fed or beaten. Shepard raised an eyebrow as several guards pummeled a prisoner into a pulp.
"What the hell did he do?" he muttered.
"What's it matter?" a guard answered. "He's in here, isn't he?"
Shepard clenched a fist, but did nothing. He knew how prisons worked, especially this one, where they housed the criminally insane and psychotic. No one in there was worth saving.
Well, except maybe Subject Zero. Maybe.
Kuril gestured to a holding area. "Subject Zero will be delivered shortly. Please wait here."
Shepard took out his assault rifle to be on the safe side. "Kasumi, get on the other side of the door," Shepard murmured. Even though she couldn't see her (she had cloaked herself before they every left the Normandy), he felt her walk past him.
Garrus shifted uneasily. "I don't like this, Shepard."
"Me neither." The Commander cracked his neck. "Get ready for a fight."
Garrus should've known that Shepard would do something like this. Working with Shepard meant that every time you set foot outside the Normandy, you got into a firefight.
A door at the back of the area slid open. "Please enter the cell. I'm sorry, Commander, but you're worth more to me than the bail on Subject Zero."
Outside, two loud thuds echoed as Kasumi dispatched the door guards.
Shepard smirked and deactivated the safety on his weapons. "Let the fun begin."
Things were dead. That meant that Jack was happy. She'd ripped her fucking captors to shreds with her biotics.
Damn, it felt good to be out.
She needed a ship. There was a massive one in the dock, the Cerberus log emblazoned on the side. She clenched her fists, gritting her teeth in rage. She screamed, her biotics flaring, trying to destroy the symbol of her hatred.
She heard footsteps behind her. Some idiots never quit…
"You Subject Zero?" a man with a deep voice asked.
"You Cerberus?" she answered coldly.
"Not by choice."
She turned. He looked tough and dangerous, like her. He could've used some tattoos to go with his nasty, orange-glowing scars. He had a shotgun in one hand, but it wasn't aimed at her, and a highly-concentrated biotic field floating around the other.
"Name's Shepard and I'm not to be fucked with."
"Sounds familiar," Jack answered coldly. "What the fuck do you want?"
"Your help."
She snorted. "Fuck off."
"And just how were you planning on leaving? Taking a burning ship with you? If you don't want to work with me, fine. I'll drop you off somewhere."
Jack looked at the Normandy and then to Shepard. There was a dark kind of fire in his eyes, something deep driving him. His companions looked like pussies, though, but they also didn't look like Cerberus. "This a Cerberus ship?"
He nodded.
"If I go with you, I get access to their records."
"Only if you stay and work with me."
"Do I get to kill stuff?"
His eyes flashed dangerously, his lips twitching into a cruel smile.
Jack crossed her arms, looked him up and down, and nodded. "Fine. Let's get out of this shit-hole."
20 May 2185—SSV Normandy SR-2, orbiting Korlus, Imir System, Eagle Nebula
The Kodiak shuttle hovered over the floor of the cargo bay for a moment before landing. Miranda was waiting, hand on her cocked hip, looking sexy and inviting.
He wasn't tempted.
"Fuck off," he growled. He motioned for the crew to start unloading the pod with the newest addition to their crew, a tube-grown krogan.
"We need to talk, Commander," Miranda said.
"I'm busy."
"You can still listen."
"I don't want to talk to you," he hissed, advancing on her. "So get the fuck out of my sight."
"Careful, Commander. You aren't the only biotic here."
"And we've been over this before: You can't kill me."
"Can't or won't?"
"Pick one." He turned back to help with the unloading.
Miranda grabbed his arm. "We're trying to help you, Shepard. You can't estrange us like you have been."
He threw her off. "I can do whatever the fuck I want."
"You say that word a lot."
"I do that when I'm pissed."
Miranda crossed her arms. "I don't like how you're conducting this investigation."
"Who said that this was an investigation?"
"I did."
He laughed bitterly. "So that's what you think this is?"
"This can't be about revenge. This is about humanity!"
"FUCK HUMANITY!" Shepard roared. "I'm not doing this for you, them, or anything. This is for me. Now get the fuck out of my way before I rip your fucking head off."
Jack could hear him yelling, even in her dark spot. She smirked. She liked Shepard, mostly because he hated the cheerleader bitch, too, but hey, it was a start. She never thought she'd meet a man after her own heart. Oh, the fun they could have together…
Miranda shoved Shepard away with a biotic field. "There's more at stake than your revenge."
"If you want me to cooperate, then bring her back."
Miranda gaped. "So that's it, then? This is all about her?"
Shepard didn't answer.
"Oh my God…" She laughed. "The great Commander Shepard is driven by a woman."
Shepard clenched his fist. Everyone in the room could hear him snap. "You don't get it, do you?" he started, his voice dangerously calm and quiet. A chill crept up Miranda's spine as he advanced on her. "Cassiopeia was everything to me. She was why I fought, breathed, lived. She was my best friend and the woman I loved. But you won't get just how important that is, you heartless bitch. You don't have any ounce of emotion. You aren't even human enough to understand how powerful Love can be. If I had known what it was going to do to me, I never would have been nice to her. So, yes, I'm driven by a woman, and you can never, ever be half the woman she was."
Miranda rolled her eyes, but her heart was pounding. Shepard angry had been one thing, but his voice had been unadulterated hatred and every ounce of it had been directed at her. "Unbelievable..."
Shepard narrowed his eyes, leaning in closer. "This is about revenge, Miranda," he continued calmly. "It always has been and that isn't about to change. You brought me back so that I can save the galaxy my way. If you don't like it, then get the fuck off my ship and let me do my job!" He pushed past her and stormed into the elevator.
Miranda blinked. She'd expected him to yell, but having him speak so levelly had been twenty times more chilling. "It seems that I underestimated him," she murmured. She wasn't going to make that mistake again.
Kasumi leaned in the Kodiak, guilt rising. She understood Shepard's anger and hatred only too well. Worse, she had the solution to his problem, but if she told him, he'd kill her for withholding information—
Wait, what was she thinking? She was a thief. She could sneak Shepard most anything and he'd never find out where it came from. Games were always more fun, anyway. Kasumi snuck to her observation deck to plan the scavenger hunt.
Shepard stared at the holo on his desk. A young Corinthia stared back at him, arms slung around the shoulders of a couple salarians. She was just a kid—she didn't even have her scars—but it was better than nothing. Mordin had given it to him.
"Here. Look at this. Old holo. Graduation. Reminder of motivation."
Shepard didn't need another reminder. He thought about it every time he looked in the mirror and saw his facial scars.
"Amusing moment. Said she wouldn't be an artist. Would join the Alliance. Good decision. Listened to advice." Mordin had smiled. "Proud."
Two years, Shepard thought. He'd kissed her for the first time two years ago to the day. He remembered how amazing (if not awkward) it was, just to hold her for the first time and know that she was truly his. He had been lucky—no, blessed—to have someone like her: a spark that, though small, could banish the darkness, become contagious, addicting… She was the impossible incarnate. He still didn't know how or why they'd been friends. He wasn't even sure why he'd broken the regs and taken her out to drinks after Akuze (only officers of the same rank could interact socially), but he didn't regret anything that he'd done to be her friend. He couldn't. She'd brought out the best in him, helped him rise above his past and give himself a future. Maybe it was her unquenchable optimism, or maybe it was because she saw something in him that no one else ever had, but she'd believed and coached him through every bad moment and tough decision. If it hadn't been from her, he never would have tried to do the right thing instead of the easy, efficient, or badass thing. They'd had four and a half months together, which made what should've been the worst five months of his life the best he'd ever had.
Now, though… He'd been alive for thirty-nine days and his anger had yet to subside. If anything, it had gotten stronger than ever before. Grief was supposed to fade. It was supposed to abate. He was supposed to get over her.
How the hell was he supposed to do that? Every sappy cliché about having someone you love become a part of you and your soul was right. He knew that she'd changed him. As dark, cold, and ruthless as he acted, he hadn't forgotten the guilty twinge of pleasure from doing the right thing (like releasing the rachni queen, saving that kid from becoming a merc…). It was the only way besides revenge that he could honor her. He was the only one who needed to know how much she meant.
For a brief moment, the idea of replacing her crossed his mind, but that was impossible. No one could ever mean the same thing, find the same place in his heart. That side of him had died with her and it wasn't coming back. The hole gaped, yearning to be filled, aching more with every passing day, but nothing but her could ever fill it.
He only had two things left: Pain and anger.
His computer beeped, indicating a new message. In order to avoid drifting into another coma of rage, he opened it, only to find himself staring at an ad for a Prothean art gallery on the Presidium. He had no idea how they'd gotten his address, unless the Illusive Man was trying to send him a message, but why the hell would Shepard want a Prothean statue or some kind of Greek sculpture? He hated art. Well, he didn't have any need of it, not aboard a war vessel.
"Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you," EDI announced.
Shepard groaned. "Can't you tell him to go away?"
"He says it's urgent, Commander."
"I don't care."
EDI paused before saying, "He says that he has information regarding the Collectors."
Shepard froze, his heart racing. "What kind of information?"
"He asks that you come speak to him to find out for yourself."
The Illusive Man lit a cigarette. "Shepard, good news: We know where the Collectors are going to hit next."
Shepard crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.
"This is a rare opportunity."
"Get the point," Shepard growled. "Where are they and how long do I have?"
"Horizon. If you leave now, you may be able to beat them there."
"Fine." Shepard hung up before the Illusive Man could say anything else. "You hear that, Joker?"
"Yeah, I heard. We're already en route."
"I didn't have choice, did I?"
"I couldn't help it. EDI plugged in the coordinates before you even accepted the call."
"Whipped, are we?"
"I hate you, Commander."