AN: I planned to write a happy, fluffy piece for Garcia, but this happened. Oh well; at least I finally covered the original kink promp request to have Lila Archer as Spencer's BFF.

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Penelope Garcia

"Do you have a death wish?" she finally says, breaking the silence. They have been working seamlessly alongside for almost four hours, Reid acting as if it is every day that he gets left behind.

"Did you know that the prevalence of the wish to die is not as strongly associated to depression as it once was thought? According to a survey made in Australia in the early nineties and later replicated in other countries, age, marriage status, visual and hearing impairment, along with poor health, disability and pain were found to strongly explain the wish to die, independently to mental health. If you keep in mind-"

"That I'm going to skin you alive if you keep talking about such a morbid subject when I'm already in serious need of some happy thoughts, Dr. Kevorkian."

"Ah … wouldn't that be counterproductive to your cheering up?"

"Not if I get a pretty genius leather bag out of it." It is kind of eerie, that she can get him to smile with such a gruesome joke. "Seriously, angel eyes, you have ouchies. Again. For what is like the fifth time in as many months."

"I, ah, am clumsy?" He is wearing his cute found-with-a-hand-in-the-cookie-jar face, which she usually finds irresistible.

This time, though, she has fortitude.

"So let me see if I get it. Your clumsiness made you jump in front of a man with a gun on your first field case with the BAU."

"I kind of tripped."

Tripped. He can't really expect her to believe … "Forward and to the side," she says through clenched teeth, "and just in time to save JJ from being shot."

"It's a wonder how these things work, isn't it?"

Oh, so he thinks this is a joke?

"And your clumsiness made you take off your vest in Montana last month?"

"It would have dragged me down otherwise."

"You didn't have to jump into the river!" she explodes, rising from her chair and approaching him in what she knows is a very intimidating way. To her pleasure, she sees him nervously twitch before his mask falls back in place.

"I didn't jump, I fell."

"And then there is last week." She is now right in front of him, her right red pump touching his white cast. "You followed a serial killer, without backup, inside an old house."

"I had no idea it was going to collapse, you can't blame me for that."

She hmms quietly, allowing seconds to tick by to let him simmer.

"What was your last doctorate in, Dr. Spencer Reid?" Penelope eventually asks, the feathered extreme of her pen tickling his nose.

"Engineering, but not as in Civil Engineering. I had no idea there was structural damage."

"Bullshit."

"Garcia?"

"I said bullshit. Bull. Shit. As in the shit of bull, which you, mister, are full of." To her pleasure, he remains silent. "I asked Morgan. You've been helping him in his properties, and guess what, Dr. Reid. It turns out you actually know a lot about structures."

He is red and flustered, and although Penelope feels a little bad at making him uncomfortable, she knows no other way for her words to take.

"Look, I don't care if you keep secrets." No, that's not true. "Okay, I do care if you keep secrets, but I understand if you feel you need to. But do not ever," she states, poking his chest with a red nail, "never," another, more forceful poke, "lie to Penelope Garcia again."

Reid just winces, which makes she remember he's still bruised basically everywhere. Still, she can't step back now, not when she's making a point.

"Am I understood?" The nod is jerky, but she can tell it is heartfelt. "Good. Now let's go back to work before our Mighty Boss calls again."

"So, about Lila."

They've been trapped in the office's elevator for two hours, and given that is the middle of the night of a Sunday, it is more likely that help is not going to be swift.

"What about Lila?"

"Oh, so you're willing to talk about her?" she basically squeals. Reid is usually very private about his personal life, especially that of his past, so he even acknowledging the thing between Lila Archer and Matt Gray feels somewhat like early Christmas.

"Would you leave me alone otherwise?" he grumbles from the corner where he's sat, long arms draped around equally long legs.

"Nope," she teases, because she wouldn't keep asking if he didn't want to touch the subject in the first place, and she knows he knows.

There's a moment of silence, and then he taps the space by his side, so she scoops closer.

"She was a model before being an actress, did you know?" No she didn't, so she shakes her head. "I met her in one of my first professional photoshoots. I was new to LA, she was new to modeling, and we just … connected."

"As in romantically connected?" Because that would be lovely.

"Ah, no. She was focused on starting her career, and I was trying to balance the modeling with the CIA training, so none of us really had the time. But we were there for each other, whenever we needed someone to talk." He smiles and Penelope smiles with him, because the fondness he feels is quite clear on his face.

She feels a tingle of expectation, as if she were replaying a favorite soap opera. "When did it change? When did you realize you cared about each other? Romantically, I mean."

"Never."

Wait, what? "But you dated!"

"Lila Archer dated Matt Gray, not me." It takes her a moment to realize what he's saying, and then another to realize what it really means.

"Wait, she knew?"

He makes a curious gesture, a mix between a smile and a pout that makes him look strangely like a frog. A cute one, but still.

"I told you, we met while I was still training. The fact that she is naturally a good actress and a good teacher too is the only reason I didn't pack, drop the whole being an agent thing and hid in academia."

"Oh, wow." She can't help but feel a bit of disappointment. After being told that Matt Gray was in fact an undercover agent, she had dig out everything available in the net about the man. His short relationship with the equally glamorous actress Lila Archer had been a particular bright spot. "So she wasn't your Bond girl?"

He chuckles good-naturedly, even if there's something sad and heartbreaking about the sound.

"We talked about that, actually. She never failed to insist it was extremely insulting. But there was no way I was going to risk more than a fleeting affair. She couldn't be particularly associated to Gray, because if anybody discovered who Gray really was …"

"She would have been a target." In the silence that follows, she wonders. "So that explains why there was nothing between you two, not truly. But it doesn't mean you didn't love her."

His voice is almost a whisper. "I didn't, not in the way you imply."

"Reid, you don't need to-"

"No, I mean … She was my best friend, Garcia, my sister if you wish. For the longest time she was the only one there for me, unconditionally, the only one that knew Spencer Reid."

And it clicks, in the way he speaks of Lila as if she's not anymore among the living, even if as far as Penelope is aware she's still alive.

"So she doesn't know?"

"That I didn't die in the same accident than Matt Gray? No. It would put her in danger."

"Bullshit."

"I'm being honest, Garcia."

"I know! I just think it is not fair."

He sighs and yes, she understands it is ridiculous to expect fairness when they see what they see in their job. But it is what she is, and there's nothing she can do to change that.

"Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not."

Despite what has been said she has to smile, because seriously?

"Did you just quote Oscar Wilde to me?"

"It is better than Life is not fair, get used to it."

"Huh. Doctor House?"

"Who? No. Bill Gates."

Just then the elevator lurches, the lights blinking back to their usual brightness.

"Come on," she says, getting up and trying to make the wrinkles on her skirt disappear. "You're coming home with me tonight."

"Somehow I don't think Lynch is going to be happy about it," he grumbles, even if he follows her when the doors open.

"Oh, he'll be, trust me. You're totally his type."

"His type." There's suspicion clear in his pretty face, and really, he's so easy.

Her smile is bright and blinding, she can see it in the horror in his face.

"Well, of course, cutie pie. There's nothing a threesome cannot fix."

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AN2: Next chapter is Morgan's and is almost done. I'm working on Rossi's now, and I need your opinion. Should I make Rossi meet Reid before returning to the BAU? I'm not sure it will fit Rossi's behavior on the prequel (plus, I already made him meet Gideon, Hotch and Prentiss). And if you believe I should: in what capacity, as a model or a CIA agent? I have three different beginnings, and need to choose one ...