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Chapter 5 – MIA

For two years Sybil could count on one hand the number of times she saw her husband as the war continued. The two existed in the same world, but rarely together; not a conductive environment for newly weds, though neither of them complained. A year after Matthew had gone off to war Sybil could no longer simply sit at home everyday and on the suggestion of her mother-in-law she began training as a nurse. It was gruelling work, she'd never worked this hard in her entire life, but every second was rewarding and she'd never had such a sense of purpose. Predictably her father had been initially incensed by his daughter, and the future Countess of Grantham at that, working; however, the Dowager of all people set him straight, saying they could not think it anything but respectable when everyday they were treated to pictures of duchess and even princesses wearing the red cross uniform. While she'd been nervous about telling her family about her plan to become a nurse, Sybil had not been worried at all about telling her husband. She knew he'd approve and his return letter after she told him her plan proved her right. His letter was one of many they'd exchanged over the two years, Matthew keeping his promise to tell her the truth of what was going on while she regaled him with tales of Downton, their family, her nurse training and eventual job at the hospital serving under Doctor Clarkson. Sybil found herself looking forward to his letters, feeling hopeful every time the post arrived and utterly disappointed when there was no letter from him. Her worry for him grew beyond reason, as did her excitement when word came that he had a week of leave and would be coming home soon. Rightly so, Sybil concluded that she was in love with her husband. The realization made her practically giddy and she couldn't wait for him to return. Sybil told him that she loved him the very night he returned, and the look he gave her made her heart soar.

"I had hoped you had come to love me as well." He said happily.

" 'As well?' " She raised an eyebrow. "You love me, Matthew?"

"You ask that as if it is some big secret."

"You've never said anything before."

"I did not want you to feel you had to return my affections." He confessed. "I had hoped that in your own time you would realize it on your own."

"And it only took me two years." She grumbled. "You were so patient with me."

"You are young, Sybil, only just twenty. Of course I was patient." Sybil pursed her lips but said no more, choosing instead to kiss him senseless. The following morning there was a clear shift between the two and all could see it. Their smiles were just a little bit brighter and it often seemed that they only had eyes for each other, even in a crowded room. The Earl and Countess couldn't have been happier, nor could Mrs. Crawley or the Dowager; the latter of whom made a point of saying that perhaps it was best that no child had come before they realized their feelings for each other, it might confuse the child after all, but now they had no excuse. The raised eyebrow she sent in Sybil's direction clearly dared her youngest granddaughter to defy her. Sybil merely smiled and nodded, waiting to burst into laughter until later when she told Matthew, who had escaped the Dowager's scrutiny by virtue of being a man and not welcome at the ladies' after dinner gathering in the drawing room. The two had indeed had quite a laugh, though it did bring up the subject of children once again. They'd been married for over two years and still they had not conceived. Granted, for the majority of those years Matthew had been away at war and so they'd seen each other only infrequently. However, that did not mean that their time together was spent idle; while they weren't exactly trying to conceive, they also weren't exactly not trying.

~/~

1917 arrived and passed in a similar fashion, though Sybil grew more involved with her work at the hospital. She helped convince her parents to open Downtown as a convalescent home for wounded soldiers when Downton's hospital became beyond over crowded and men were being sent far away to convalesce though they did not wish to, one man even taking his life after being forced away from the only support he had since being injured at the front. It was early 1918 when Sybil saw her husband again, this time having him home for a full two weeks. Eventually though, Matthew did have to return to the front and he went without news of a child, nor without ever having really discussed it with Sybil, and like every time before both put it from their minds. And so, two months later it was a surprised Sybil who discovered that she was finally pregnant.

"Congratulations, Sybil dear, that's wonderful news!" Robert exclaimed, moving forward to embrace his daughter.

"Indeed." The Dowager agreed. "You must take extra care. You will tell Dr. Clarkson that you are no longer available to work at the hospital, of course."

"Certainly not!" Said Sybil, looking aghast. "Being pregnant does not mean I'm invalid. I will continue at the hospital as long as I am able."

"But-"

"I'm certain your grandmother does not mean for you to give up being a nurse." Cora intervened. "Merely that you will need to be more careful and perhaps leave some of the more strenuous activities to the other nurses." Sybil knew very well that that was not what her grandmother meant, but she let the matter go since the Dowager said no more, merely pursing her lips.

"Have you written to Matthew yet?" Edith asked.

"No. He has leave next month and I'd rather tell him in person."

"I'm certain he will be thrilled!" Isabel, who hadn't stopped beaming since hearing the news, assured her daughter-in-law. Sybil was certain she was right; she had no doubt as to Matthew's reaction to her pregnancy.

"Everyone downstairs is very pleased with the news, my lady." Said Lily, who after Gwen's departure had taken over as her lady's maid. Like before, Sybil's choice in lady's maids had caused a bit of a disturbance giving that Lily had no training as a lady's maid, nor had she been at Downton very long; once again everyone thought that Anna should have been given the position. It was understandable that she had been passed over for Gwen, given that the former maid and Lady Sybil were known to be quite close, but to be passed up for such a junior maid was nearly unthinkable. Sybil's reasoning though remained. She knew that Anna and Mary had a close relationship similar to hers and Gwen's and that Mary would want to take Anna with her whenever she married, that had not changed. Still, since so many thought that the 'honour' of being the personal maid to the future Lady Grantham should belong to Anna, Sybil had offered her the position, explaining why she hadn't done so originally, and Anna had confirmed her belief that she would go with Lady Mary when the time came and luckily the offer and decline calmed things down.

"Even Miss O'Brien has been seen smiling. She even told me to ask her should you need anything I'm uncertain about!" It was said almost incredulously, which was understandable given O'Brien's usual temperament. "I suspect it's because her Ladyship is so happy at the thought of a grandchild." Sybil certainly couldn't disagree with that. O'Brien's care for Lady Grantham had obviously grown when Cora had lost her child all those years ago and it had not diminished since. Sybil knew that when she'd chosen Lily has her lady's maid her mother had asked O'Brien to help Lily settle in and she'd done so without complaint. It didn't surprise anyone that something which clearly brought Cora so much joy would garner O'Brien's attention, and even protection, as well. No one knew why O'Brien had such a change of heart, it was no big secret that she barely tolerated most people, but things had changed when Cora lost her child, and though they sometimes still wondered if there was something more to it, they had written it off long ago as her mistress' deep sorrow being the reason for the change.

"Thank you, Lily." Sybil said with a smile. "It is wonderful news. I only wish Matthew were here for it."

"Captain Crawley will be back soon, my lady." She tried to sound reassuring. "And we'll hear him shout for joy all the way from the servants hall." Lily's words did reassure Sybil, though it was short lived. A week later a letter arrived from Matthew saying that his leave had been postponed and it would likely be another month before he returned home. Sybil was naturally upset, especially given the news she had to share, but reasoned that another few weeks wouldn't make much of a difference. Two days before Matthew was to return, another letter arrived postponing his return for two more weeks. This letter arrived mere days before a third that told Sybil he would not return for yet another three weeks. By then Sybil was nearing the middle of her second trimester and had put off telling Matthew he was to be a father for almost three months. She wanted to tell him in person, and kept reasoning that he would be home soon, except that letter after letter arrived postponing his return home. Her pregnancy had had become blatantly obvious now and she war garnering some odd looks from the villagers every time she was out in her nurse's uniform, her small but obviously there belly poking out from under her apron. Such looks usually wouldn't bother Sybil, but between her worry over Matthew and her duties as a nurse she was growing tired quite quickly these days and couldn't find the energy to ignore the looks and whispers, and so she asked Doctor Clarkson to be assigned strictly to the convalescent home so she didn't have to venture into the village every day. Doctor Clarkson agreed quickly, even going so far as to say he was going to suggest it himself soon given her condition. While certainly not incapacitated, as her pregnancy progressed it became harder for Sybil to perform certain tasks, nor was it exactly good for her to be around those at the hospital given that many injuries contracted infection and made the patients quite ill. Being stationed at Downton allowed Sybil to still be useful while being around those who did not need as much care. When Matthew's fourth letter postponing his leave arrived a couple weeks later, Sybil wasn't in the least surprised, though the upset she felt could not be diminished. She was now entering her sixth month of pregnancy, and had yet to tell her husband, so finally she reasoned that it was all right to tell him in a letter. Barely a few days after she had posted the letter to her husband, Sybil received the second worst news a person could about their loved ones fighting at the front.

"Thank you Carson." Sybil said with a smile, accepting the telegram that had just arrived. Opening it with nothing more than curiosity, Sybil felt her heart stop as she read the very first line 'We regret to inform you…' As she read on, Sybil could not stop the sob the escaped her nor the tears that fell.

"Sybil!" Her reaction had naturally drawn the attention of the family, though she wasn't aware of it, her hand trembling as she read the note over again.

"Sybil, darling, what is it?" Cora asked, coming to her daughter's side. Instead of answering Sybil pressed her hand over her mouth, stifling another sob. Robert reached for the telegram and gently pried it from her hands. He began to tremble himself as he read it.

"Robert?" Cora all but demanded.

"Matthew…Matthew has…"

"No he hasn't." Mary said forcefully, joining her mother at her sister's side, Edith following suit. Mary had loved Matthew once, though she had rejected his proposal. She knew deep down that they would not make each other happy, not in the long run at any rate, and she couldn't bring herself and force that unhappiness on either of them, even though they would have no doubt been blissfully happy for the first few years. It had taken her time to realized all that, but seeing how happy Matthew was now with Sybil, even though their marriage had started out as nothing more than one of convenience to 'satisfy honour', Mary was once again glad of the decision she had made. That didn't mean though that all her feelings for Matthew had instantly disappeared. She still cared for him a great deal, even so much as to regret rejecting him at times, and it wasn't just for her sister's sake that she refused to believe Matthew dead.

"No, he is not dead." Robert assured them and they all breathed a sigh of relief. "However, he is…missing."

"Missing?" Isobel asked, having grasped her at once nemesis and dearest friend's hand for comfort, the Dowager giving it without comment, given the news they all thought the letter held.

" 'Missing in action' it says. The General writes that while on patrol, Captain Crawley and his batman, Private Mason, were trapped behind enemy lines and disappeared. So far no search has yielded any hints as to their whereabouts."

"Oh, dear lord." Mary murmured, grasping Sybil's hand that much tighter, her youngest sister having still not said a word. The next thing she knew, Sybil had pulled her hand away and was running out the door and upstairs, Cora following close behind. The rest of the family stayed together, discussing what could be done, though they knew there was little, before finally dispersing. Mary and Edith, in a rare show of unity, went together to check on their sister, finding her in her room, her head resting in her mother's lap with Cora running a comforting hand through her hair as she had with all of them at some point, when they'd been particularly upset as children.

"Papa says he will telephone the war office in the morning and see what he can find out." Mary reported.

"I'm sure Cousin Matthew is just fine, Sybil." Edith tried to be reassuring.

"I can't lose him." She murmured. "Not now…" Her hand went to her belly, cradling her unborn child protectively.

"Oh my darling." Mary whispered, bending to kneel before Sybil and grasping her hand. "You won't lose him. Matthew loves you more than anything in the world. He would never leave you, of that I have no doubt. And we will all be there to celebrate when you are together again." Sybil managed the barest of smiles and a brief squeeze of Mary's hand, knowing that her sister's words were heartfelt. The two had had a rather awkward, though necessary, talk when Sybil realized she was beginning to fall in love with her husband. Sybil had asked straightforwardly if Mary still loved Matthew, to which her elder sister had simply said yes, though she knew that she and Matthew were not meant to be together and she harboured neither resentment nor a desire to get Matthew back. Sybil wasn't sure at the time if she had believed Mary; however, her eldest sister's actions in the months following gave credence to her words and so she had relaxed.

"Yes, it will be quite a joyous occasion. More so when this little one joins us." Edith, surprisingly, agreed with Mary, having come over to sit on the bed next to her mother. Sybil smiled briefly again and reached over to grasp Edith's hand, taking comfort from both her sisters and her mother. Cora smiled softly at her three girls, knowing, at least, that whatever was to come, the three would deal with it together.

A/N - Only a few chapter left I'm afraid, this was never meant to be a long fic.

Review please!