Chapter 18: Connection
~Edward~
After the New Year Celebrations were over, and people began going back to work and school, Bella and I started our search for a new home. My wife had requested for us to find a place in Maine. There was enough land there to build a new house which would be far enough away from the locals to keep us and our children safe. The one thing that kept nagging at the back of my mind was how close it was to Hanover. Granted, Maine was a completely different state, but it wasn't that far away from our first home as a family, and I worried that the wolves would return.
In Carlisle's old office I sat scanning through some property listings our attorney had sent just a few days before. While looking through those I felt a small hand tugging at my slacks and looked down at my son. Anthony had begun crawling just in the past few days, and was sitting up looking at me with the same color of eyes mine used to be before I was turned. "Is it time for me to give up on this?"
My son smiled up at me and gurgled, clapping his hands as I lifted him into my arms. For the past hour and a half it had just been the two of us. Bella had taken Renesmee for a visit with Charlie and the rest of my family had gone off to do various things. In a moment we were back downstairs in the main sitting room. There was a colorful quilt already spread out so I sat down and put my son in front of me. "Now, what should we do?"
Anthony stared at me, maybe trying to figure out what my words meant. He was intense just like I was at times. Knowing his favorite game of late, I reached to my left and got a few of his building blocks, putting some between us. In a moment Anthony had a red block in his hand, chewing on that while I began to make him a tower he could later knock down.
The tower was starting to grow when my cell went off, and as I flipped it open I could hear my daughter's cries on the other end. "What happened?"
"She doesn't want to come home, and she broke the handle off the door to my old room."
As my wife explained what happened I left Anthony where he was quickly gathering up a few things for his diaper bag. "See if she'll talk to me."
I'd hoped after Christmas the tantrums would stop, but they had only gotten worse. The crying subsided when Renesmee heard Bella's message and when there was only sniffing I began to talk. "Renesmee, it's time for you and Momma to come home," I said calmly as I sat on the sofa, hoping my words would be enough to get her to listen to her mother.
"Want stay. I have fun and go fishing."
"Baby, Grandpa already has plans to go with his friend."
"Want friends play with me."
"I know baby, why don't you let Momma get your coat on you. When you get home we can go for a walk."
"You mad me?"
"I'm not happy that you broke the door, and we will talk about that when you get back, but no, I'm not angry."
"Go with Grandpa."
"Not today," I answered as Anthony crawled over wanting to be held.
The next voice I heard was my wife's, "Thank you. I wish I could be calm like you."
"It takes practice, and I'm not always as calm as you think," I responded, gently bouncing Anthony on my knee. Once the call ended I got back to making that tower hoping we could get Renesmee down for a nap and get her back on a regular schedule.
By the time Bella and Renesmee got home, Anthony had just gone down for a nap. There wasn't any conversation going on in the car as I opened the garage door, and I could tell from how stiffly Bella stood from the car that something had happened between the end of our conversation and the current moment.
"Go sit down in your chair please," Bella said
Renesmee didn't even look at me as she climbed the four wooden steps to the house, and before Bella could move past me I pulled my wife into my arms. "What did she do?"
"She ran out the back door into the woods while we were talking. Charlie caught her and spanked her, and it took us both to get her into her seat. What really gets me mad is that she does this when your not around and then when you are, she does pretty good. Why can't I get her to listen?"
"Because Daddy is more intimidating, and because we haven't been keeping her on a good daily routine." Bella leaned away from me and we shared a kiss."
"Are you going to punish her?"
"Yes, she knows the consequences for running away from you."
My wife nodded and put her arms back around me. "Maybe it's time for me to take a stand to her disobeying me."
"Not until we're certain you can control your strength," I answered hating myself for what I was about to do.
~Bella~
When had being a mom gotten to be such a tough job? Taking care of Anthony was easy and there weren't any doubts on what I needed to do for him. Taking care of my daughter was a constant struggle. My heart ached for my husband and my little girl as I heard her loud cries starting to subside. It was true what Edward had said during our brief conversation, Renesmee was scared of him when she messed up. With me it was almost like she did it to taunt me, or maybe just to see how far she could go until I snapped. While I sat in the nursery watching Anthony sleep, I tried to remember if I had been this hard for Renee to control. Likely there was never any problems because I was left to fend for myself. Renee never left me alone, but she was always busy with new things and I was good at playing in my room with the toys I had.
"Momma?" The door opened a little and I stood walking silently to my baby. Once she was in my arms I carried her back to the room Edward and I shared with her, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Me sorry run way."
"Will you tell me why you did that?"
"Want go with Grandpa."
As I held her I was mindful not to touch her bottom and kept my daughter cradled in my arms kissing away the remaining tears. "Do you remember what Daddy said about running away?"
"Him not like."
"He doesn't like spanking you?"
Her small head shook once as more tears spilled down her soft cheeks.
"No, he doesn't. Do you think maybe you can start remembering ways to keep from getting in trouble?"
"Don't want talk more." Renesmee shut her eyes and I sighed holding her closer against my chest as I rocked her. The sound of her heart beat was the only thing I focused on along with her steady breathing as she slipped deeper in to sleep. My thoughts were on her wanting friends to play with and I hoped against hope that once we moved to Maine, and once she was older we could find a way to get her into some sort of school.
After tucking Renesmee under the covers, I went down stairs, finding my husband out on the porch. I put my arms around him, and for a moment Edward didn't respond. Another few seconds passed before he finally put his arms around me, pulling me in front of him as he rested his chin on top of my head. "We need to step things up and find a place to live."
"I agree, and also about getting her back into a routine. No more staying up late with her uncles."
Edward chuckled, and it felt good to know he wasn't as upset as he had been.
"Do you think maybe we can work on more of those control exercises so that you don't have to always be the bad guy?"
"I will be happy to help you learn control, but you don't have to learn that simply out of need to punish our daughter."
"There's more to it than that. I just don't like that you're the one always stuck with that job."
Edward lifted his head away from me and when I looked up at him he cupped his hand against my left cheek, "We don't spank her that often anymore, and growing up, most of the time that sort of punishment was left for my father."
"Was that fair for him?" I asked not willing to let Edward take on the tougher parts of parenthood alone.
"Likely not. Why don't we find something better to talk about?" Before I could answer, his lips were on mine and anything else I'd wanted to say about anything was pushed to the back of my mind as my body began to respond to the touch of his lips against mine, and the way his hands began moving over my body.
~Edward~
Once we started getting Renesmee to bed at the same time each night including her usual nap time after lunch, the tantrums began to subside a little. Everyone else in our family was busy making plans on where to move next, and we tried to keep that sort of conversation to a minimum when my baby was around. Bella and I found a few places we were interested in, one in particular had twenty acres of land with a small clearing for a house and open yard while the rest of the property was surrounded by trees.
"Where did you hear about this store?" Bella asked as we pulled into a parking garage in Seattle.
While I kept my eyes open for a good spot, I reached out and took Bella's hand. "Esme found it online. She said they had a lot of things there to get your child ready for school," I answered as I slid into a spot effortlessly.
"We out now Daddy?"
"Almost," I said looking at my little girl through the rear-view mirror. Renesmee smiled at me, kicking her legs up and down as Bella got out of the car. After getting my coat I went to the back door on my side and opened it. Anthony was in his infant seat sucking on his thumb as he looked around. "Are you ready to have an adventure?" I asked him as I took the seat out of the base.
"Me out now," Renesmee whined tugging at the straps of her seat.
"Mommy's working on it baby," I told her. On the other side of the car Bella had the double stroller ready and after getting Anthony's seat snapped in the front compartment I took the two diaper bags she handed me.
"Me want sit front," Renesmee said when she saw where her brother was. Bella had already put her fancy sky blue coat back on her, and Renesmee was getting fidgety.
"Do you want me to carry you?"
Renesmee agreed to that and while Bella pushed the stroller we began walking toward the elevators.
"Daddy, we get school things?"
"We're going to look and see what they have," I told her as we got in the empty elevator. We let her push the button and by the time the door opened my daughter was on her feet ready to walk. The store we were heading for was a few blocks away and as we walked more than a few people turned to watch us. My mind and my eyes were on my little girl, and thankfully she didn't seem to notice all the looks we were getting.
Slightly ahead of us Bella grumbled, but it was low enough that even I had difficulty knowing exactly what she was saying. "Annoying," I guessed.
"We're not that out of place are we?" Bella asked slowing down just a little as Renesmee and I caught up.
"No, but we have two beautiful children," I pointed out and Bella chuckled drawing our daughter's attention.
"Why do that," Renesmee asked.
"Momma's just being silly," Bella answered.
When we got to the point where we needed to cross the street Renesmee let me put her in the back of the stroller glancing around as we continued our trip to the shop. Inside it was crowded with adults and children alike and when Anthony began to fuss, I took over pushing the stroller as Bella lifted him out.
"So what's the plan?" My wife asked.
Before I could answer Renesmee wanted a snack and I quickly got out the bag of dried cereal and raisins we had packed for her letting her munch on those. "We need to find the early learning section and get started there."
It didn't take us long to find what we were looking for, and by then Anthony was getting more agitated. Bella let me hold him while she took Renesmee over to a small display.
Being around so many people likely had something to do with Anthony's mood and I found myself wishing I had Jasper's ability to calm. When holding Anthony facing out didn't work I settled him against my shoulder glad when Bella brought me his blanket. A little after she draped it over him our son began to calm down, resting his left cheek against my shoulder while his sister found an activity table to occupy her time.
"She likes it," Bella whispered as we stood watching her interact with other children. When another child pulled a toy away from her I was ready to go get her, but Renesmee went on to playing with something else, a puzzle of sorts.
"See if you can find what she's playing with," I said swaying with our son.
Bella came back moments later with pretty much everything on the table and a few things for Anthony. Maybe Bella was right, maybe we could let her go to school at some point earlier than high-school or middle school. With Anthony asleep, I laid him down in his seat putting the blanket over him before going over to my little girl. "Hey angel, we need to go do a little more shopping."
"Have friends," Renesmee said as she gave a little girl a piece of the puzzle that was missing.
"I see that. Maybe we can come back a little later," I tried, willing to do that rather than have to drag her out.
It took a little more pushing before she finally agreed to leave, and I could tell by the way she slouched forward that my baby was sad again.
By the time we got through at the other two stores, Renesmee had gone to sleep in the back of the stroller. "Maybe when we get to Maine I could find a way to take her to a class where I could stay and watch her," Bella said as we made our way back to our car.
"You did well with all those people," I observed glancing at her.
"I held my breath, and I'm glad we hunted," my wife answered, smiling over at me.
"I think we should try and let her meet other people, perhaps by the time she is ready for school things won't be so awkward, though I'm not sure about a formal setting for her learning until she's older, much older," I told my wife.
"Yeah, I'm not sure a teacher would be able to handle one of her tantrums, or how we would explain it if she somehow put a hole in the wall," Bella whispered as we both chuckled. It wasn't funny in reality the few times our daughter had broken something, but for some reason now it wasn't so bad.
When we got to the car Bella took care of getting Anthony in the car while I eased our sleeping beauty out of the stroller. Renesmee wrapped her arms around me sighing as I turned and leaned in to put her in her seat. "Friends," Renesmee sobbed coming instantly awake.
"Shh, you were asleep, and it's late."
"Said go my friends," my daughter cried not fighting as I got her buckled in.
"I'm sorry," I offered. When I tried to hug her she turned her head away dropped her arms, still crying softly.
Anthony was watching us and gurgled, smiling at me when I caught his eye. Knowing when to leave my daughter alone, I shut the door and noticed my wife in the driver seat. "Sneak," I whispered getting in the passenger seat.
"Daddy drive. Momma no do it," Renesmee grumped kicking her legs up.
"That's enough," I warned.
Anthony gurgled more and Renesmee put her hands over her face crying again as Bella pulled out of the parking space.
"I wonder if we video taped these moments and put them on YouTube, if we could sway teenagers from having sex showing them what the end result would be," Bella whispered while taking my free hand.
"They would make a good case for birth-control," I agreed as Renesmee cried louder, still angry at me for not taking her back to the store. I never regretted having either child, though moments like these made me miss when it was just Bella and me.
"A..Dah," Anthony said drawing my attention to him as well as Bella's.
"Did he just say?" My wife asked.
"Anthony," I answered.
"Dah dah," he replied before adding in some gurgling.
My thoughts were drawn to my daughter a moment before I turned around and caught her hand in my own. "You will not hit your brother."
"Him not say, you mine mine Daddy mine," Renesmee screamed at the top of her lungs. The moment of happiness left as Anthony began to cry.
~Bella~
Getting home had never felt so good. Renesmee and Anthony were finally asleep and my mind was still racing at everything that had happened after Anthony said 'Dah' for the first time. When Edward told Rosalie he would get Renesmee I realized we weren't the only ones in the garage, and by the time I got out he had already gone inside with her.
"What happened?" my sister asked
"Long, long story. Do you mind watching your nephew tonight?"
My sister-in-law smiled at me and I hugged her before heading inside. It was easy to find them and when I walked into our room Edward was on his side rubbing Renesmee's back as she continued sleeping. "Now I'm the one who feels lost," Edward admitted as I sat on the edge of the mattress behind him.
"What did you feel before you turned around?"
"Rage. She would have hurt him if I hadn't felt that coming."
"Renesmee wasn't this way when he was born," I said remembering the first time she saw her brother. At the time she had been more interested in pancakes with Nanna than seeing him.
"No, but she's always had a strong pull toward me. She doesn't want Anthony to be a part of things and I don't know how to help her deal with this," Edward whispered, his voice etched with pain.
I reached out and pulled him until he was sitting next to me. Once Edward was, I held on to him. "We just have to give her time and keep going on the way we do. She'll come around, maybe once Anthony can do more with her," I said, grasping for answers myself. Edward was always the one to comfort me and I was glad I could do the same for him now. "Maybe we need to talk to Carlisle."
"I think that's a good idea." My husband whispered while he looked down at me. We snuggled for a little longer before leaving our daughter to see Carlisle, both of us hoping he would have some foresight on what we should do.
We found him in his office and when we walked in he was waiting. I held Edward's hand as he told Carlisle what had happened, and we both waited after for only a second before he answered.
"Jealousy is a very natural emotion for her to feel, and I'm sorry to say I don't have anything to add other than to just keep trying to do things with Anthony and Renesmee together. Eventually she will get over those feelings, and in the mean time we just have to watch her around him."
Even though Carlisle didn't have any new advise, his words strengthened our resolve. Downstairs we found Alice at her computer working on something while Jasper sat flipping through the stations. Edward let go of my hand kissing me before he challenged his brother to a game of chess.
Upstairs I could hear Rosalie humming a tune she used for both children when getting them to sleep and guessed that Emmett was someplace close by likely holding both of them. It would be difficult to separate for the length of time we had discussed.
"Bella come see," Alice said drawing my attention to her. Jasper and Edward were already playing their game and once sure Renesmee was safe, I joined my sister at her computer putting all my worries to the far recesses of my mind, at least for the moment.
~*~
AN: Thank you all for the awesome reviews and adds. I appreciate them a great deal. Alright we're through another chapter of parenthood from hell..grinz, not really. But I think Renesmee would give them a run for their money, at least thats the way she's wanting me to write her. I swear I'm trying not to make her a brat, but anyway you write her, with the cannon story line or the slightly altered and different one, I as the writer see her struggling for something normal and because she's so smart it's just hard for her to handle everything. So on to the next great adventure. I've got so much planned and a giant plot bunny landed in my lap today to tie in everything so far. What it means though is a long long story and the kids getting older, or maybe I'll do a sequel but at any rate it's going to be interesting, or at least I hope you guys think so. Thanks again.'
~Ella~