A/N: 3 of 7.. hanging in there?
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!
55
BPOV
Thoughts, feeling, and memories churn away at my brain. The more I think the more they turn into acid, eating away at me one piece at a time.
I ask myself 'why' so much that I begin to wonder if it's really a real word.
Why did he run?
Why did this shit have to happen to me?
Why is the love I had for him not enough?
I snort at that question. It keeps coming back to me and I hate it.
I realize that I loved him too late. I'm sure my heart knew. In fact, I'm sure I fell in love with him the second I laid eyes on him months ago. But my own awareness of it came the day after I learned that he ran from me.
It took me screaming at Kate and Alice before they told me what happened. How he froze as I lay on the floor seizing. Alice told me how he was looking right at me, but his eyes said he was far away from what was going on. She repeated how he kept screaming for a Lizzie.
This of course started another round of questions. Alice never heard of a Lizzie from Jasper and when she asked him, his only response was that it wasn't his story to tell. That night she got into her first fight with him. She was defending me and Jasper was standing staunchly in Edward's corner. I begged her to let it go. I didn't want my issues to come between them.
At least one of us deserves our fairy tale ending.
The days after I found out the truth, I just hunkered down in my room.
My body still ached, but I was suspecting it was less my body and more my heart. I felt like I was suffocating. But it is the night I grew to hate. The nightmares are relentless. They are all variations of him leaving me, me dying in his arms or us being separated and unable to get back together.
I wake drenched in sweat and my heart racing.
I know Kate is worried. I'm not eating and it is taking me longer to deal with the effects of chemo.
Parts of me wonder, what is the point of all this?
My worst fear had been confirmed. Edward saw me as damaged, as someone he couldn't be with.
I got what I knew I would get, right?
So then why did it feel as part of me had been ripped from my body?
A/N: Looks like neither are doing very well...