A/N: Time for Bella.. is she doing better?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!

61

BPOV

More than a week has gone by, and I'm settling back into my old routine. But I'm still left with far too much free time on my hands. It gives me time to think, to ponder, to question and to replay my conversation with Jasper.

Alice was all over me for information, but I guarded Edward's story as if it was mine. I didn't feel right talking about it, especially when he didn't know that I knew. It felt wrong. So I kept it to myself.

My heart aches for the teen boy who had to learn about death and loss long before he should have had to deal with it. I wanted to go to him and let him know I understood and that I'm not mad at him. But my own fears hold me back.

I know that it shouldn't matter that I may be infertile or slowly dying from this disease. But the woman in me, the person I am deep down inside, refuses to be a burden to anyone. I want to come to Edward a whole person or at least as whole as I can be. I didn't want chemo to dictate our relationship.

I know I'm being childish, but it is all I have left. I'm just so fucking scared. So as the days drew closer to the date of my check-up, I was moody, angry, sad and fearful.

I lashed out at everyone around me, trying to push them away, acting out my frustrations and fears on those closest to me. I knew I was doing it, I hated that I was, but I couldn't stop. The nights found me in nightmares that had me running after Edward but always coming up short.

The day of my appointment dawns and I'm trembling in fear and agitation. Alice is skipping school to go with me for support. I don't deserve her. She has been a saint, dealing with me and my erratic mood swings.

I try in vain to keep calm, to remember to breathe and not focus on how important this day could be for me.

By the time we arrive, park the car and check-in with the nurse I'm a mess of nerves. My palms are sweaty and my heart is thumping furiously. Alice places a gentle hand on my wildly bouncing knee.

"Calm down, Bella. It's going to be just fine." She gives me such a huge smile that for a split second, I truly believe that everything is going to be ok.

That lasts about thirty seconds as just then, the nurse calls me in.

"Ms. Swan, the doctor will see you."

I clutch onto Alice as we follow the nurse into an exam room where I sit and wait, trying not to vomit.

A/N: What news will she hear.. good or bad?