Chapter Twelve
A/N: Alrighty, here is chapter twelve. It was a hard one to write , and it sort of jumps around a little bit. I hope it's not too confusing. Also, the song is called Hope by Idina Menzel. Questions? Comments? All you have to do is review and I will get back to you.
The weekend went by quickly for Jenny. The package from her brother turned out to be a copy of Dixon's autobiography that he managed to get autographed for her. She spent the majority of her weekend devouring it and doing homework.
Monday morning, she definitely didn't feel like going to school. She knew she would have to see Kurt, but she wanted to stay home even less, so she left for school early. When she arrived, the school was barely open. She decided to head into the auditorium. The house lights were on at least, so she didn't feel like she would wake the dead if she played the piano. Ever since she played Blaine's music, she wanted to keep playing. After a few minutes of plunking around on the keys, her phone rang.
"Hi Johnny." Jenny greeted him, although she wasn't nearly as excited as she often was.
"Uh oh, what's wrong?" He asked, immediately on the alert.
"Oh, I got your present. Thank you." She changed the subject. "I already finished reading it. The ending was my favourite part."
"Jennifer Isabelle Steel, stop evading the subject. You are getting way too good at that." Johnny warned.
"Nothing is wrong." Her voice rose in pitch. "I was just sitting here wondering if I should try and sing." It wasn't a lie, she really was about to start singing before he phoned. Johnny battled with himself. He wanted to know what was going on, but he knew he had a better chance of it if he just let her sing it out.
"Let's hear it, Tinkerbelle." He insisted.
"What? You mean over the phone?" She asked.
"Yeah, right now. I miss hearing your voice." He coaxed. She agreed after a few more minutes and put the phone down on the piano bench. She took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter as she started playing the intro to the song. She started singing. Her voice rang out as clear as crystal and powerful. Her range was incredible.
This is the story
Of a bird with no wings
But certain that it can fly
Sailing on love
Into the headwinds
Forcing its way by and by
If only we were
As strong as this bird
Our spirit would never die
What do we name it
Hope is the right word
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
In the sky
Hope is a bird
Flies higher than others
And keeps all our dreams alive
Free of all doubt
Perfectly fearless
Fed by its will to survive
Imagine ourselves
Becoming this bird
We can when we dare to try
And see ourselves flying
Over the mountain
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
In the sky
Only hope can light the way
Only hope can heal the heart
Only hope can keep the clouds
From hiding the moon and the stars
If only we were
As strong as this bird
Our spirits would never die
What do we name it
Only one word
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
Hope is the bravest most beautiful bird
In the sky
Only hope can light the way
Only hope can heal the heart
Only hope can keep the clouds
From hiding the moon and the stars
This was a story
Of a bird without wings
And rose above everything
Never was giving up hope
Jenny stopped playing, allowing herself a moment before she picked up the phone.
"What did you think?" She asked.
"That was beautiful. I forgot how incredible your voice is." Johnny sounded moved closed to tears. "I'm not surprised you picked that song. I know it's sort of been our anthem for awhile now." He wished he was there to talk to her in person.
"Yeah." She agreed. "Sort of." There was a moment of silence between them.
"Is he hurting you?" He asked tentatively.
"It's Kurt." She didn't answer his question. "Kurt's dad asked me to move in and I had to say no, which led to Kurt finding out that I'm keeping something from him. He's mad at me because I won't tell him." Her voice cracked, the emotion from the song still taking over. "And then he found out that I went to Dalton to talk to this guy that he likes but kept getting hurt by, and then he found out that this stupid bully shoved me in a locker and then he was mad because I wasn't in school on Friday so he couldn't force answers out of me and everything is just falling apart all at once and I don't know how to handle it." Jenny's voice wavered a little as she struggled to grab hold of her emotions. There were so many things Johnny wanted to address about that conversation that it was hard for him to know where to start. The missing school part really bothered him. He knew the only time Jenny ever missed school was if the beatings got too severe and she couldn't cover it up.
"So Kurt is mad at you because you won't tell him anything, and you are being bullied at home and now at school?" He was already walking around his hotel room, packing up his things. "I'm cancelling everything and coming home. You need me." Jenny panicked a little, she shouldn't have told him all that.
"No, Johnny! That's the last thing I want. I can handle it." She backtracked.
"You just told me you couldn't." He continued to pack.
"I know I did, but I can. I can just stay out of the apartment more. The bully at school, that's fine, I can handle that. I've had worse happen to me. It's just the Kurt thing that's bothering me." She stood up and paced across the stage. Johnny thought for a minute.
"You trust Kurt right?"
"Of course I do. I trust him with my life." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, trying hard not to smudge her carefully applied makeup.
"Then why don't you let him into your life? It' time he knew everything."
Mr. Schuester was trying to find a way to talk to Jenny. He stopped by Emma's office during the morning and after the awkward small talk about her new husband was over, he got the advice he needed to help Jenny.
"Jenny!" He spotted her on the other side of the hallway just as she was about to slip into the bathroom to avoid him. "Jenny, look, I...I know about your father . I know living with an alcoholic can be hard. Is there anyone you can talk to about it?" He truly was concerned for her. She nodded, avoiding his eye,he clearly had no idea how hard it was and she didn't want to clue him in.
""I've got my brother." She mumbled.
"And Kurt." Mr. Schuester finished.
"Yeah, and Kurt." Jenny tried not to sound too sad.
Shortly after she figured glee club would be over, she decided to wait outside the door for Kurt. She looked trough the window in the door and noticed it wasn't over yet. Mercedes motioned for her to come in. Jenny opened the door cautiously and poked her head in.
"Jenny, I have something to show everyone and I think you should be here too." Mercedes got up and started hooking her laptop up to the projector.
"Okay." Jenny said, a little suspiciously, walking into the room and taking a seat beside Kurt. She turned to him.
"Kurt." She whispered. "Can we talk after glee? It's important." Kurt looked at her.
"I'm supposed to be meeting Blaine after." Jenny looked down.
"Oh." Of course he would rather met Blaine than talk to her. She expected nothing less.
"But I'm going to cancel because I would like to talk to you too." He squeezed her hand.
"Got it!" Mercedes called out. When everyone looked up, she was on an internet video sharing website. "Okay, so I know Jenny bombed her audition, and no one was expecting that since Kurt said she could sing, but I managed to find proof that she could sing." Jenny raised an eyebrow, not sure where this was going. Mercedes clicked on a video and the screen widened. The clip was taken from the side of an aisle in the auditorium, clearly half hidden behind a seat and Jenny was sitting at the piano, talking on her cellphone. She put it down and began playing and singing. Everyone's jaw dropped at the sound that came out of her mouth. Kurt smiled, glad to know she still had her pipes, getting caught up in the emotion of her song. Rachel gave her a calculating stare. Jenny shot out of her seat.
"Mercedes, how dare you!" Jenny rushed down and turned off the clip.
"What is your problem?" Mercedes snapped. I was trying to help you!"
"Like hell you were! I thought I was alone Mercedes. That means that the song I was singing was intensely personal and not only that, I was having an extremely private conversation with my brother." Jenny was furious.
"And this is why I don't like you. Anyone else would be thankful that I helped them, but not you. No you have that stupid holier-than-thou secretive attitude.-" Mr. Schuester interrupted the fight.
"Merce, it was sort of an invasion of her privacy. You didn't ask her permission to record it and you didn't ask before you posted it on the internet for everyone to see, including us." Mr. Schuester flashed back to the conversation he had with Jenny earlier when she said she could talk to her brother about her father's alcoholism.
"Whatever." Merecedes shook her head, raising a hand in the air and turned on her heel, leaving the room before she exploded. There was an awkward silence that filled the room, only broken by Mr. Schuester.
"Okay, everyone. Good practice. I'll see you all tomorrow." He clapped his hands together. Everyone except for Jenny and Kurt got up to leave. Jenny was still fuming over the video. When they were alone Kurt spoke first.
"So, do you want to tell me why you uncharacteristically blew a gasket just now?" He asked, putting his phone down after texting Blaine. Jenny took a deep breath.
"Mercedes crossed a line. Once I explain everything, you will understand." She sat down beside him. "I was on the phone with my brother this morning- right when I was singing in the clip, and he helped me figure some things out. I owe you some explanations and apologies." Kurt turned in his seat so he could give her his full attention. "I should have told you I was going to Dalton, . I just had this feeling that there was more going on than we knew, and I didn't want you to be hurt again if I was wrong and you knew I was going. I'm sorry."
"I'm okay with that bit now. Blaine helped me understand why you did it. We are together now and that's all thanks to you." He smiled. "But what I really need to know is whatever else you are keeping from me." Jenny nodded. She knew it was time. She had a hard time figuring out where to start and sat for a moment in silence.
"Kurt, my father isn't a very good person." She started. "When my mom died, it got even worse. He's an alcoholic." She admitted. Kurt took a deep breath.
"Okay, we can get through that." He nodded, being supportive.
"It's not just that, Kurt. It's not that simple."
"There's more?" He gulped. Jenny nodded
"See, he's pretty angry. He blames me for my mom dying. I know now that it wasn't my fault she got sick and died, but when you've been told since childhood that your mother dying was your fault, you start to believe it. Giving up singing was my way of punishing myself. My father had his own way of punishing me." By now, Kurt was wondering if he should have forced her to open up. Both of them had tears in their eyes.
"You wanted to know why I wasn't in school on Friday?" Kurt nodded. Jenny let go of Kurt's hand and slowly unbuttoned her sweater, taking it off to reveal the black and blue bruises on her arms and every inch of free space, including under her scarf. Kurt gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"No." He shook his head in disbelief. Jenny nodded, crying with him.
"And that split lip the other day happened way before the audition. I lied about that too. I'm sorry." Kurt was having a hard time taking it all in, all he could do was stare at the bruises.
"Jenny you have to get out of there. Please, come live with me." The door to the choir room opened.
"Sorry to interrupt your little chit chat-" Mercedes was still fuming but stopped short when she saw the bruises. Jenny jumped out of her chair and shoved her arms back in her sweater. "Oh my goodness." Was all she could manage.
"What is it Mercedes?" Kurt asked, brushing away his tears. He hoped she finally understood too why Jenny was so cautious about everything.
"I...I forgot my laptop." She moved to where they were standing. "Jenny, what happened?" Mercedes forgot all about how mad she was.
"Umm..." Jenny for once, was lost for a lie.
"Never mind." Mercedes hugged her. "Now I understand why you are such a private person. That song must have been really personal." Jenny was so surprised by Mercedes' hug that all she could do was hug her back.
"I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Mercedes?" Jenny was on a roll with apologies so she might as well add another one. "I'm sorry I called you out in front of everyone. You didn't know."
"Let's just call it even. I really shouldn't have done it." Mercedes unhooked her laptop. "I will delete the video." She turned to look at her. "If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know." She gave her a sad half-smile. "See you later, Kurt." Mercedes waved, leaving and closing the door behind her. Kurt hadn't left his seat since she walked in. He was still in shock.
"So now that I know everything, you can move in and get away from that destructive monster you have to call a father." He looked up at her.
"It's not that easy." Jenny sighed and sat down.
"Why not?" Kurt asked.
"I am the one that pays the rent and bills and buys groceries and everything else we need. All of the money he makes goes towards alcohol." She admitted.
"How is that possible?" Kurt was confused. "You don't even have a job."
"Actually, I lied about that too." Jenny looked at her lap. "I waitress nights at a restaurant." Kurt's eyes widened.
"How many hours of sleep do you get?" He asked.
"About four on a good night." She scratched the back of her head.
"Oh that is not enough beauty sleep!" Kurt was shocked. "So you are seventeen and handling school, work, an abusive father, a bully, and a best friend with way too many issues and your brother is nowhere to be seen. How the hell can he leave you like this? I wish I was your brother and I would never in a million years let you go through this alone. What right does he have to go off and just leave you to be your father's punching bag?" He was getting worked up. He remembered having a crush on him many years ago. Clearly he no longer felt any warm fuzzy feelings about that jerk.
"Well, he doesn't know how bad it is. He doesn't know that I'm working. He doesn't know that the beatings have gotten worse." Kurt laughed incredulously.
"So you are lying to your brother too?" He asked. Jenny nodded.
"Johnny was right. This lying thing is getting to be way to common place." Jenny hated lying.
"Seriously though, why is he off somewhere else and why didn't he take you with him?" Kurt demanded to know.
"Okay well I'm pretty sure this is the last thing that I have left to tell you." Jenny sucked in her breath. "My brother is..." She told him the story.
"What?" Kurt yelled.