A/N: Hmm I think you will all love this one... its a long time coming...
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!
62
EPOV
Another week and I still feel like a failure. I have stopped myself from driving over to Bella's a thousand times. Each time I reminded myself that I'm no closer to being the man she deserves. I want to go to the studio, but Peter told us all to take a few days off, me included. He even went so far as to ban me from the studio until Tuesday.
So, here I am, driving around Chicago aimlessly, letting things float around in my brain, trying to find a way to get back to Bella. I know that I want to be with her, but I am still plagued by dreams of her dying at night. Each morning I wake up, covered in sweat and my heart beating wildly. I still feel the twinges of the flight response, so I know I'm not ready.
When I finally focus on where I am, I realize I am slightly lost. I pull over and get out of my car to look around. I walk down the block to figure out what street I'm on, when it dawns on me what I'm close to. I run back to my car and take off, knowing just where I need to be.
In a matter of minutes, I'm sitting in a shady patch of grass, staring at Lizzie's grave. Tears come without warning as I finally let lose the grief and anguish I had been holding in. I confess everything to her, starting from when she died. I let lose every bit of the anger, sadness, doubt, loneliness and grief I have stored in my heart for the past ten years.
I tell her about Bella and how much I love her. I pour out my shame and loathing. With each tear that falls to the ground, with each word and sentence that pours out of me, I start to feel better, freer.
I let her know that miss her so much and wonder often what she would look like. I ask her for help, to give me some sign that I can be the man that Bella deserves.
"She would want you to be happy," comes a voice from behind me.
I startle and look back to see Jasper standing a few feet away. I must have a look of confusion on my face because he chuckles at me.
"You must have butt dialed me. I heard you talking, figured out where you were."
I nod and turn back to face Lizzie. I hear Jasper walk closer and eventually sit down.
"If she could talk to you, I'm sure she would give you shit for what you did. But even more than that, she would push you to go back to Bella." I hear him give a soft snort. "Those two would have loved each other."
I knew that he meant Bella and Lizzie and he is right. I give him a small smile.
"Bella is an amazing person, Edward. You would be a fool to let her get away, you know that right?"
"Yea, I know that. I just don't think there is any way that she could forgive me for what I did." I shake my head sadly.
"See, that is where the amazing part comes in. I have a feeling she would forgive you."
I shake my head, unwilling to believe it as I don't deserve her forgiveness. Jasper places a hand on my knee.
"I know she has." The tone in his voice makes me stop and I look over at him.
"How?" I ask.
"Because she told me. I told her about Lizzie." His voice is a whisper and I want to be mad at him, but I just don't have it in me. "You should have told her from the start, when you were having those dreams."
Once again he is right. "If she has forgiven me, why hasn't she called me?" Once the words leave my mouth, I feel shitty for saying them. I cringe, waiting for Jasper's censure.
"Because she's been dealing with her own fears." There is no admonishing. My face must show how worried I am with his words, for he quickly tries to belay my fears. "She worries that you don't want to be with her if you know she could be infertile or unable to beat the cancer. She doesn't feel like a whole woman and she doesn't want to come to you broken."
I close my eyes at his words; they are like a balm to my spirit. "It wouldn't matter to me Jasper; I love her just the way she is."
"Then you need to show her."
We sit in silence for a while as I digest his words and my feelings. Suddenly, I'm hit with a wave of inspiration and know just what I will do.
"Jasper, I need your help."
A/N: Do you think he is in a better place? Can he be the man for Bella?