Chapter 9

Carson pushed himself back from the microscope in front of him, scrubbing a hand over his face. His stomach growled loudly, reminding him it was well past dinner time. He glanced at his watch – he should just make the mess before they stopped serving hot food.

Entering the mess at a not-quite-jogging pace, he was struck by the noise in the room. There seemed to be almost a party atmosphere, although he couldn't recall any gatherings being planned. Of course, not everyone spent their Saturday nights hunched over microscopes and computers, though most of the personnel there appeared to be military. Deciding against hot food, he grabbed a sandwich and a muffin, intending to eat them in his quarters. He really wasn't in the mood for a party tonight.

As he turned away from the buffet, he spotted Anne Teldy, Dusty Mehra and what looked like Evan Lorne from the back, sitting at a table near the door. A fourth person sat with their back to Carson. He noticed the person was female, dark-haired. Alison, he thought for a millisecond - then his brain caught up. Of course it wasn't Alison – she'd left Atlantis nearly two years ago. The woman moved, laughing at something Lorne said, and Carson realised with a jolt that it was Tamsin.

Mentally shaking himself, he put his head down and trotted towards the door, hoping to escape the mess before one of the group spotted him. Thinking he'd seen Alison had unsettled him and he was feeling even less like socialising now.

"Doc! Come join us!" Evan's voice, calling over to him.

Carson looked up, a fixed smile on his face. He'd just have to politely decline. He stepped over to the table.

"Colonel, ladies, I'm sorry I can't stay. I have some important work to get back to."

Evan snorted. "Sounds like something McKay would say, Doc."

Tamsin twisted in her seat, catching his eyes with her own. "Carson, I'm trying to explain why rugby is a far better game than American football. I could do with some help."

Judging by the smirks on the three American's faces, and Tamsin's the debate was at least good natured. Despite his mood, he thought of the few times he'd tried to convince Sheppard of the virtues of the game. Well, the other version of him had. Ok, now he felt even more fed-up.

Feigning regret, he shook his head. "I really must get back to the lab, good night."

He strode from the mess without a backwards glance.

SGA

Back in his quarters, Carson picked at the drying cheese sandwich. Crossly, he tossed it back onto the plastic wrapping and reached instead for the muffin. Chocolate chip – well, it seemed to work for many of the expedition members. Frankly, he'd rather have a nice single malt, but the Daedalus was still two weeks out and supplies were running low.

Why had he imagined seeing Alison tonight? It was almost as if seeing Tamsin with Teldy and Mehra had catapulted him back two years in time. He did still think about Ali from time to time - he wasn't likely to forget her when he had so few memories that were truly his own.

Since his rescue he'd always felt his place was in Pegasus. Even during the protracted IOA wranglings after Atlantis had destroyed the super-hive ship, he hadn't been able to settle on Earth. Perhaps it had something to do with it not really being his home. He had been delighted when Atlantis finally returned to Pegasus. He had been even more delighted when he and Alison had started dating shortly afterwards.

But that had all gone wrong, hadn't it? That last trip back to Earth had been the deal-breaker. He'd been questioning for a while whether he was the right man for her – the age difference, his being a clone, whether she might want a family one day. Then Ali had dropped the bombshell that she'd been offered a research position at MIT and had all but said yes to it. He hadn't even known she'd been planning to return to Earth permanently. Had he not already had doubts, he would have considered joining her, but he'd realised that they wanted different things from life.

In the end, Alison accepted the job and stayed on Earth, Carson returning to Atlantis alone.

He looked down in disgust at the muffin, now a pile of crumbs on the desk. Even Rodney wouldn't eat that, he thought. That made him think of Tamsin again – she'd claimed to eat almost anything.

He couldn't get away from the depth of his feelings, but he still didn't know if she felt the same. He had gone over that moment in the croft so many times – had she been cursing at herself or him? She couldn't have missed his attraction, but had he gone too far - overstepped the boundaries of their friendship? There was also the fact that she would be leaving in less than three months anyway, with no guarantee of when or if she would return. Hardly ideal circumstances to start a relationship.

But if there was one thing he'd learnt in Pegasus, it was that life was all too short. Here he was, an embodiment of a second chance, and he was afraid to ask a simple question? Faint heart never won fair lady, as the saying went. He would just have to man up and talk to the lady in question.

Wryly, he thought he'd be needing that wee drop of liquid courage first.

SGA

Tamsin stared after Carson as he left the mess. What have I done now? she thought. He had been somewhat distant since their return from M3G - 692. Not that she'd exactly gone out of her way to spend time with him, but she missed the friendship they'd built up.

"Tamsin, wake up!" Dusty's voice brought her back to the table. The marine snapped her gum as she regarded Tamsin. "You and the doc got somethin' goin' on?"

"No!" Tamsin realised that had come out rather defensive. She tried again. "No, we're just friends."

Dusty snorted. "Sure, that's why you couldn't take your eyes off him just now."

Tamsin cringed. Was she that obvious? She glanced at Anne and Evan, who both seemed suddenly fascinated by the table top, trying to keep straight faces. Of course, three soldiers who were trained to observe the smallest details – she had no chance of keeping a secret from any of them.

"I'm going for a walk; it's too hot in here." She stood, turning away towards the door.

"Want some company?" Evan called.

"No, I'm fine. I'll see you guys later."

"Labs are that way!"

Tamsin had to smile at Dusty's typically unsubtle parting shot. She hadn't known the Sergeant long, but she had grown to appreciate her honest, uncomplicated acquaintance.

Feeling as if there were three sets of eyes boring into her back, Tamsin left the mess in the direction of the infirmary and bio labs. Halfway there, she slowed her pace – she wasn't sure she was ready to talk to Carson after all. What if she'd read his signals wrong? It had been a long time since she'd been in that position. Four years to be exact, and she still wasn't convinced she'd moved on.

She turned and headed back towards her quarters. Once inside, she walked to the desk. The small collection of photographs was one of the few things that had travelled around the world with her. She barely glanced at the ones of her blood relatives, reaching for the smallest frame. She sometimes wondered if she was weird to keep a picture of her husband after so long, but it wasn't as if she'd had the chance to say goodbye properly.

Tamsin thought back to the time they'd met. The circumstances hadn't been the best – her gran had been diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer and Tamsin was nursing her in between locum shifts at the nearby hospital. Rob Stephens had been one of the most talented men she'd met. A brilliant cardiologist and fellow adrenalin junkie, Rob had been ten years her senior, but she'd known he was the One. His live for the moment approach to life had led to them getting married after just three months. Six months later it had led to his death.

Tamsin dragged her thoughts back, she wasn't going to go there again. She'd beaten herself up enough at the time of the accident and she'd always been good at avoiding things she didn't want to think about.

She sighed, putting the photograph back on the desk. Now here she was falling for another brilliant, handsome older man. Okay, technically speaking Carson was actually much younger than her, but that was another thing she wasn't going to think about. Once upon a time she would have just gone for it and been honest with Carson. But these days she was more cautious and it seemed pointless to get involved when she had so little time left. With someone else, she might have made a move, but he didn't seem like the sort of man who'd be interested in a casual fling.

Atlantis was supposed to be a temporary assignment – no ties, no commitments. If someone had told her back on the Daedalus that this would happen, she would have refused to believe them. But somehow, the city and her people had got under Tamsin's skin and leaving was going to break her heart again.

SGA

"You need to get out more."

Carson jumped, the motion sending his rolling chair backwards away from the desk. He remembered hearing those words in an entirely different accent in another lifetime. Pulling himself together, he turned with a smile to greet his visitor. Though Tamsin wore a simple sweater and jeans, Carson found himself trying not to stare as she strode across the lab. The sweater was a deep green-blue, perfectly complementing her dark hair and creamy skin. It was fitted close enough to accentuate her curves, but still left plenty to his over-active imagination. The lab felt suddenly warm to him as she settled on another chair.

"You look nice. Going somewhere special?"

"Thanks." She ducked her head with a shy smile. "I came to see if I could tempt you to dinner? You've been holed up in here all day, as far as I could tell."

There's a lot of things you could tempt me to, he thought. "Been checking up on me, have you, love?" He caught her eye again, with a cheeky smile.

"Someone's got to keep an eye on you." The direct look she gave him sent a shiver of desire through him and he had to look away. He wondered if she knew the effect she was having on him right now.

"So, dinner?" She continued.

"Aye, just give me a few minutes to tidy up." Carson turned away, gathering slides into a storage container whilst also trying to gather his thoughts.

"What are you working on?" He glanced over his shoulder at Tamsin, who was peering at the tablet he'd been making notes on.

"We're still looking at improving the efficacy of the Hoffan anti-viral. It's still nowhere near as effective as I'd like," he sighed.

She nodded, a thoughtful look in her eyes. "You've made some fantastic progress, though. This kind of research can take years."

"Aye, well, we're not starting from scratch and the Ancient database has a few tips here and there. I have an excellent team as well."

"They have a good leader," she replied, softly. Her thoughtful look was tempered by something he couldn't quite read, but it was making him feel too warm again. Not that he minded too much.

"Have you done much research?" He cringed internally at how patronising his question must sound.

She shook her head. "No, it's not really my area, but I did plenty of reading before we went out. I just wanted to know what we might be up against."

He considered that for a moment. "Research never appealed to you?"

She snorted. "Not lab work, no. Could you see me hunched over a microscope all day? Couldn't sit still long enough. Besides, I'm not that clever." She looked away, fingers tracing a pattern on the worktop.

Instinctively, Carson covered her hand with his own, stilling the movement.

"Don't let me hear you say that, you are clever or you wouldn't have got where you are."

The left side of her mouth quirked into a wry smile. "Well, thanks. I'm just a plumber really."

"A bloody good plumber."

He was acutely aware of her warm fingers curling around his own. Reaching for her hand had brought them closer and they now sat, knees almost touching. Almost without realising, he brought his other hand up to stroke her cheek, causing her breath to hitch slightly as his fingers brushed the skin. His own breath caught as she leant into his touch – was this an invitation, her silent way of telling him she shared his feelings? He leant forward, hoping he was reading her signs correctly.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I thought the lab was empty!"

They sprang apart as a technician froze in the door way, with a deer in the headlights expression. Clutching her tablet, she ducked her head and scuttled from the room.

Tamsin gave a nervous laugh, brushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "So, dinner then?"

"Aye, dinner." He cleared his throat, continuing "I'll meet you there. I still need to tidy up."

She rose from the chair, as if to leave, then bent down and laid her hand on his shoulder. "Don't be long," she murmured against his ear. Then she stood and turned, positively gliding out of the room.

Carson didn't trust himself to reply, that simple touch had sent his heart racing and his shoulder tingling. He drew a shaky breath, trying to pull himself together. This would certainly be an interesting dinner.

SGA

Well, that was frustrating, Tamsin thought. The mess had been unusually crowded and noisy, and she and Carson had barely managed to find a seat, let alone talk. Hardly the place to have the conversation she knew was long overdue.

They were currently wandering along a mercifully quiet corridor, some distance from the central tower. Tamsin kept her hands in her pockets – the urge to reach out to Carson was almost overwhelming. He was close, within her personal space, but not touching. She could feel her heart pounding and she was achingly aware of him. Surely he could see what his proximity was doing to her? It had been all she could do not to brush her lips against his ear back in the lab.

"I think we need to talk," Carson said, glancing over.

She swallowed. "Okay, you start."

He stared along the corridor, confusion all over his face. "I'm not entirely sure what's happening between us."

She raised her eyebrows – for an intelligent man, he was being really dense. She thought she'd made her feelings clear earlier on. "Isn't it obvious?" she said.

"Well, yes. I'm just not sure what you want to do about it."

"I know what I'd like to do." She sighed. "But I'm leaving in a couple of months and you don't seem like the "friends with benefits" type. Neither am I, really."

It was his turn to sigh. "Come here," he said quietly, closing the gap between them.

Despite Tamsin's attempts to harden her heart, her resolve slipped away as Carson's arms wound around her waist and pulled her close. She automatically raised her hands to his shoulders, melting against him.

"We've got to stop this," she protested, sounding unconvincing even to her own ears.

"I don't want to."

A flash of desire shot through Tamsin at Carson's roughened tone.

Sod this, she thought. She slid her hands along his shoulders, up his neck and into his springy dark hair, pulling his head down and lifting her mouth to meet his. He stiffened momentarily, then they were kissing – a soft brush of lips that quickly grew in intensity, leaving them both breathing heavily as they broke apart.

"Wow," she murmured, meeting his gaze. His eyes were darker than she'd even seen them, the pupils dilated and huge. His normally pale skin was flushed and she knew she must look equally aroused.

"Wow, indeed," he breathed. His eyes seemed to search her face. For what, she didn't know, but he gave a small smile and then leant down to catch her lips again.

The second kiss was slower, but no less intense. They took more time, exploring each other's mouths, tongues gently meeting and tangling, until air became a priority. As they reluctantly parted, Tamsin felt herself trembling.

"Okay?" Carson pulled back slightly, concerned.

"More than okay. It's just been a while," she explained.

He grinned, hugging her tightly. "Aye, for me too. I'm a wee bit rusty at all this."

"Then maybe we'd better keep practising," she smiled up at him.

"I'd like that, but perhaps not in the corridors. Your place or mine?"

That intense look from Carson again, stirring up long-buried instincts. She was definitely letting hormones get the better of her. Still, at this point she no longer cared – thinking was overrated anyway.

"Mine is closer. Come on," she said.

Fingers entwined, they set off for Tamsin's quarters, grateful for deserted corridors.

A/N Just to let you know, the story hasn't been abandoned. I'm writing Chapter 10 as we speak and I hope to publish it by the end of this week.