"Yes he was until three days ago. We had that storm that blew in. Ianto was sitting on the sofa in a bad mood…"
Three days before
Ianto sat on the sofa, his arms wrapped around his legs he looked outside. The doors were closed and he was in a grump.
No outside today, and he was seriously put out. He wanted to count the number of caterpillars on the cabbages, chase the butterflies and sniff the flowers, then do some digging. He liked digging, it was fun. Jack had said once the digging was done they could plant the flowers that had been delivered. They were all pretty; there were red ones, white ones, yellow ones, pink ones and purple ones. He really wanted to plant them in the garden all spaced out because he knew they hated being all squashed up in the little pots. Now he was stuck inside.
Jack noted the expression on Ianto's face as he looked out of the window. A storm had blown in from the Atlantic and it was raining in great sheets, the wind was howling around the house. There was no thunder but it was cold, wet, dark and miserable.
"I'm not in control of the weather," Jack told him as Ianto huffed and put his head on his knees. "You only have thin summer clothing. Once you have some wet weather gear you can go out when it's raining," he explained as another gust of wind and rain hit the French doors.
Turning he went into the kitchen to set up Ianto's afternoon tea when he felt a cold rush of air. He turned around to see the pile of clothes next the wide open French doors. Ianto had stripped himself off and was racing around naked in the storm.
He was going to call him back when he realised Ianto had resolved the issue; Jack had laid out a particular logic which Ianto had solved. If it was just clothes that were the issue then he had taken them off. He was now standing the rain, his eyes closed, his arms stretched out as he turned around in the rain.
A few moments passed and he began racing up and down. A particularly strong gust hit him, and he turned started to scream, Jack's stomach flipped for a moment thinking Ianto had been triggered into a flashback but he realised this was something different. Ianto was screaming out his pain, anger and torment, into the wind. The look of Ianto's face was one of glorious release. Minutes passed when Ianto suddenly fell to his knees then laid out on the ground. Face down he began to kick and punch the ground with his fists and feet, sometimes coming up on all fours and howling into the earth. Over the howl of the wind Jack could hear the screams were now words; profanities as Ianto cried out his rage in one long deep primal outburst. After what seemed an age Ianto just lay there panting with the exertion. After about five minutes he pulled himself up and headed back inside as Jack stood aside.
As he came in he wrapped a towel around Ianto who was shivering. "You're all wet," he said stating the obvious as he rubbed him down. Ianto had leaned in and kissed him on the cheek then whispered in his ear.
"He whispered 'wet' in my ear Jack told her. "I just stood looking at him, then realised he was covered in mud from head to toe, so I took him up and gave him bath," he said smiling as he handed a cup of tea to her.
"And the kissing things better?" she asked taking the cup as Jack looked sheepish.
"That's my fault his first time in the garden he was examining the one rose bush we have when he pricked his finger. He looked at the rose, then at me. I think he thought it had bitten him. I just said 'let me kiss it better' his reaction was immediate he squirmed with delight holding out his finger, and now every time he gets hurt inside and out he expects it to be kissed better," he saw the look on her face as she looked over her mug.
"Look I'm not taking advantage of him," he replied as he thought he interpreted the look her face.
"No, please that's not what I was thinking" she spluttered cursing her unguarded moment she fully understood the implications of Ianto's difficulties in that area and was annoyed with herself that her concern in turn had been miss-interpreted.
"Listen cards on the table, Ianto and I are civil partners and all that entails, that said he has no recollection of me. I'm Jack the nice man who rescued him and brought him here. We sleep in the same bed because right now that's what he needs and that's all we do sleep. When I bought this house I extensively remodelled it so amongst other things there was an extra bedroom. So any time he wants I will take that room," he told her honestly.
"I didn't need to imply anything. Truthfully Ianto is the most damaged person who has ever come under my care, I know that you report back to Doctor Green weekly and I'm here as back up, so thank you for setting me straight." She said taking a sip form her mug self- consciously as she saw Jack nod.
"How developed is his speech?" She asked after several moments passed as they both watched Ianto who was following a butterfly around trying to catch it.
"One and two words sentences," Jack explained. "Kiss it better, what is this? Things like that," he saw her nod.
"How is his recovery from the surgery?" she asked.
"His health has improved considerably now he is not plagued by constant abbesses and his anaemia was resolved with two units of whole blood," Jack told her.
"Diet, I see it's pretty abysmal his anaemia will only return if we can't improve it," she told him.
"I agree, the hospital staff and myself have tried but it's stuck and nothing they or I have done have been able to change it," he said as she nodded her understanding.
"I read the notes," she told him raising her eyebrows.
"So you know what I'm up against, we give him what he thinks is medication, but in truth other than his anti-anxiety medication it's all vitamins and supplements," Jack explained.
"My biggest concern is that his diet is lacking in vitamin B… "she looked towards the garden and chocked on her drink, Jack followed her gaze to see Ianto had stripped himself naked and was digging with gusto.
"Sorry I should have warned you since the day of storm he has taken to the habit of taking all his clothes off when he goes into the garden." he explained. Jack was about to apologise again she saw Veronica's eyes widen as she saw the scars on his back.
"Did they ever catch the bastards who did this to him?" she asked not able to tear her eyes away from the mass of scars on his back which extended from neck to ankles.
"No and they stole from him more than he knows right now, because as you know if he ever recovers there will some things he may never be able to fully experience again and considering how important that something was to him, I curse them to all hell," Jack told her with bitter anger. "They destroyed his life, they stripped him of everything, his identity, and stole from him…" he took a deep breath, "everything that was vital to him."
"Including you," she said after a few moments as he composed himself.
"Including me, all his friends, his parents, his previous girlfriend, they took his life, he remembers nothing, anything he does is a huge jumble of confusion, and parts of his mind were wiped clean," he replied.
"And yet there is so much hope" she told him as the continued to watch as now Ianto looked round smiled and began to dance around swinging his arms in arcs until he got dizzy and then fell down laughing. Jack and Veronica both broke into laughter at his antics.
"Let me tell you what I think, I see a man beginning to enjoy the re-discovery of his body, and the world around him, and I think we should honour that and allow him the safety to do so. I agree with Geoff Green here that Ianto is in some respects is like a young child, his intelligence unaffected," she looked at him curiously "Geoff Green had something interesting thing to say about you, "she saw him take a sharp breath," Its' all good, he said if there was one person on this earth who could bring back Ianto Jones it was you," she touched his arm.
"So if and when the times comes and I believe it will be a long time off, we will need to find some alternatives for him," and she saw Jack looking at her as she turned and picked up one of the drawings.
"And when has he been into drawing coats?" she asked him as she handed the drawing to Jack who looked at it and his mouth dropped open.
Jack waited until after he had settled Ianto into bed before he considered the full implications of Veronica's observation.
His heart pounding he now examined the drawing more closely. Ianto drew several every-day, they had become something that he did, they were always the same, blobs, sometimes there was a blue spot bigger or smaller on the right hand side. Sometimes Ianto drew the spot first then covered it with grey.
But as he turned it around in his hand and looked at it from different angles he realised that the blobs had taken on far more form and she was right it was a coat. He thought back as the drawings had become squarer, the grey the exact colour of his coat from the moment he had turned up at the unit.
'Why had he not seen this before?' He berated himself. It was right in front of him all this time. The blue shape now made sense it was the TARDIS.
It was Jack running away to be with his Doctor. The picture represented Ianto's last memory of him. All Ianto's agitation, the desperation of his endless searches, Ianto was looking for him. The objects in the room seemed to take on a life of their own as they flew around him and he found himself on his knees as a wave of nausea hit him as a nightmare of thoughts came together in one instant. On his hands and knees he swallowed tasting bile, he pulled himself up he raced into the laundry and he emptied his stomach into the sink as the sum of his thoughts coalesced.
'It was his fault all of it,' he spat into the sink 'Every blow, every rape," he slid to the floor as he felt the pain of his revelation cut into him deeply.
He pulled himself up as he felt an overwhelming desire to hold Ianto. He rinsed his mouth out and headed up the stairs.
Stripping quickly he slid on his pyjama bottoms and white tees shirt then slipped next to him. He placed his arms around Ianto who snuggled into him and kissed his forehead as each tears dripped down and rolled across Ianto's face. "Please forgive me Ianto, I am so sorry," he whispered. "I should never have left you, if I hadn't the TARDIS would never have gone so far into the future, and none of this would never have happened."
Holding Ianto close he felt an overwhelming feeling of anguish as he came to terms that it was his actions and his alone that had led to the damage Ianto has suffered and he felt a terrible weight settle on his soul.
He chocked down a sob. He had been feeling so good just being here way from the institute with his smells and institutional grey look he had felt such hope that he found some equilibrium. The calm he felt by focusing his attention on Ianto combined with the peace and quiet meant he felt far more in control and had only been triggered twice. But this was a blow, and he was flooded with images and felt himself begin to tremble and he heard the flapping of wings.
How could he help Ianto if he himself became incapacitated and his mind tumbled forward into the future where Ianto was a hollow shell, never able to overcome what has happened to him lost and alone? He must not fail Ianto. He had suffered enough and the pledge he had made Geoff Green echoed in his mind. Rocking himself he came to a decision the bleed throughs had to stop. They had to stop now! He held on to Ianto has he started to prepare his mind.