A/N: I had a hard time with this chapter, but I like where it's at. Hopefully you will too.
When Ezra exited the back office, Sabrina was just coming down the stairs. He swiftly shut the door behind him and made his way over to the counter where there was a line starting to form.
"What can I get you?" he asked.
"Cup of coffee," the gentleman said, tapping his credit card against the counter top in agitation, clearly displeased that he'd had to wait.
Ezra swallowed hard, trying with everything he had to push down the urge to bolt upstairs.
"Coming right up," he said. He took a cup from the stack at the register and turned, filling it from the pot behind him. "It's on the house," he said as he handed the cup of liquid over. "Sorry for your wait."
The man took the cup, neglecting to say anything at all in response.
"You have a great day, too," he said under his breath, just as Sabrina came up beside him.
"Everything okay down here?" she asked.
"Not really," Ezra said curtly.
"Well let me take over," she said, stepping in behind him and greeting the next person. Before asking for their order, she leaned back and whispered to Ezra, "You've got a bun in the oven and I think you need to go check on it."
Ezra stood back, mouth slightly agape, and Sabrina didn't wait long enough to see if he had a response.
She was right though, and he didn't argue her point.
He took a deep breath and pushed his hand through his hair. He was facing away from the counter now, but he was still standing in the space. Sabrina gently maneuvered around him, trying to be conscientious of where he was without flat out asking him to move. When she bumped into him and nearly spilled a hot cup of tea down his pants, he realized that he was in the way.
Moving to the back room once more, he was finally alone. He took a deep breath, one hand outstretched, still braced against the doorknob. He counted to twenty, doing his best to calm his nerves, before opening the door once more and making his way across the shop toward the staircase. As he ascended the stairs, all he could do was replay the short but uncomfortable conversation he'd just had.
As soon as Aria had made the turn to go upstairs, Ezra was on Liam without any consideration of the people around them. Through gritted teeth he commanded the younger man to follow him to his office.
Ezra felt like he was teaching again, and Liam was reminding him dangerously of Noel Kahn. He thought briefly and bitterly of the type of ex-boyfriends Aria had, but that thought only lead him to wondering of his own character. He chewed on this thought only for a moment, but he knew it was one that would revisit, most likely when things had calmed down and he was sitting alone, left to stew over the way he'd reacted this morning… and on many occasions previously.
Ezra was relieved to find that Liam followed him without hesitation. As soon as the door was closed, he could feel the negative energy swirling around them. He reached over and flipped on a light, forcing the shadows out.
"Let's keep this short and sweet," Ezra said, totally done with everything. "We're going to get a new editor. You're going to leave us alone, and you're not going to talk to or see Aria unless she initiates it. Do you understand?"
"What makes you so certain she won't want to talk to me," Liam challenged.
"I'm not saying she won't. I'm actually betting on the fact that she will. She's a compassionate, considerate woman, and I know her too well to think that she'll be able to leave all of this behind her. As much as I want her to have nothing to do with you, I know she's not going to let this be the way things end between you, because I know she cares too much not to apologize. But you need to let her come to you. Regardless of your feelings for me, prefer her. "
Liam didn't say anything right away, but Ezra could tell he was holding something back.
"Just say it. Get it off your chest. Come on, we're too old for this," he said.
It only took Liam two beats to push his glasses up and open his mouth.
"Where do you get off thinking you can tell me what to do? You're a worthless piece of shit, you know it? Talk about being too old… for Christ's sake, I would like nothing more than to see you put away for everything you've done."
"What is it exactly that you're holding against me? Loving her first? The fact that I'm the one she's marrying? Or is it just the fact that she chose to be with me in general. Then, now, tomorrow…"
"You manipulated her into having a relationship that should never have been on the table," Liam countered. His voice was low and even. His shoulders were back, and he wasn't blinking.
"How are we still having this conversation?" Ezra asked. "You don't know what happened. It was over five years ago. It was a mistake. We both admit that we made a wrong choice – it ended. We've started over."
"I don't care how it started or how it ended the first time. I just want what's best for her, and I strongly believe that you are not it."
"And you think you are?"
"I do," Liam said, nodding. "But it's obvious she doesn't agree, and what I won't do is ruin her life."
Ezra didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what he hated more – that Liam was honestly coming from a genuine place, that he was being a good guy, or that they were both trying to make the same case: they loved Aria and they wanted what was best for her.
Of all the ways the argument could have gone… all the directions it could have taken, this was not how Ezra had expected it to unfold. It unnerved him that he was able to see Liam's pint of view. He blinked and felt like his whole body deflated. He didn't know what to say, because he didn't know what to think.
Liam's voice was softer the next time he spoke. It seemed that they were both coming to the same conclusion.
"I can't be supportive of the relationship you have. I can't force myself to be okay with it… but I refuse to let her go down for your mistakes."
"Liam –" Ezra cut him off.
"No, I don't want to hear your excuses –"
"I'm not trying to make excuses. I'm trying to explain this to you." He didn't leave enough time between his words for Liam to cut him off again, instead powering straight through. He moved his hands forward, talking through expression as much as through words. "The very last thing either of us wants is for her to get hurt. I am not the best thing for her. Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I've spent enough years thinking about the fact that I have taken more from her than I've been able to give?"
Ezra paused, his heart suddenly shattering from the admission of such an innermost thought. He had not expressed these words to anyone. Not even to Aria… not really anyway. He steadied himself, pushing both hands back through his curly mess of hair, and letting out a deep sigh. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She and I were not in the right place when she left for college. We both needed to figure out what life was like without each other." He let out a deep sigh. "I think we're done here. I can't defend my relationship with Aria more than I already have, and quite frankly, I don't want to have to defend it to you. You've clearly already made up your mind. It's over; we're getting married, we're having a baby."
They stood in awkward silence – both of them filled with plenty of words, but neither of them able to bring themselves to speak them. Ezra was feeling discouraged after the encounter, second guessing himself and his relationship with the woman upstairs, not at all for the first time… and Liam was feeling sickeningly torn. He didn't like Ezra. He probably never would. But for some reason, seeing the brokenness that was splayed across the man's face was not making him feel like he was in the right. He felt shallow, and he didn't like that.
As the moment grew on, Liam's attitude shifted from brazenly aggressive to passively indifferent. The feelings he had were still there, but he was losing the energy to fight. He shot one final glare at Ezra before retreating back into the main area to retrieve his things.
Ezra stood and watched him leave. Jillian would definitely be getting a call later. Ezra was past caring about anyone's feelings but Aria's.
When he finally reached the door to the loft, he pushed it open slowly, not sure what he'd find inside. He wasn't excited about rehashing his whole conversation with Liam – especially if it lead to any kind of debate between him and Aria. He wasn't overly excited about the book anymore either. Liam had successfully but a damper on something that was very dear to Ezra's heart.
When he passed through the entryway, he was met with the sound of running water coming from the kitchen. Aside from the occasional clatter of dishes, the space was quiet. Aria's back was to him as she stood at the sink, and he thought he could make out the quiet sound of sniffling. She looked incredibly small from behind and it made Ezra's breath catch. He was reminded of how young she had been when they were first involved. What had he been thinking? She was his student, she was sixteen… and he was twenty-two and it was irresponsible, inconsiderate, and wrong.
"I'm sorry," he said. He hadn't meant to say the thought aloud. When the words left his lips, it was with broken and cracked delivery.
Aria shut the water off, placed a glass in the drying rack, and reached for a towel to dry her hands, all before turning around to face him. She'd been acting like she had no idea he was in the room, but that wasn't the case. She knew he was there.
"Don't apologize, Ezra," she said. She leaned against the sink, still wringing her hands through the towel. Her eyes were downcast, locked on the checkered fabric. "I don't want you to apologize for anything. You've done nothing wrong." Aria let the towel fall to the counter and walked over, taking hold of both his hands.
"I love you," she said. "I don't think I say that enough."
He pulled his hands out of her grasp and placed them on either side of her head. She looked so young, so small and breakable. Tears brimmed at his eyes as he tried to deal with the debate going on inside his heart.
"Have I ruined your life?" It wasn't really a question. He wasn't really looking for an answer… but at the same time, he needed one more than he realized.
"Ezra," she said, the hurt at his statement evident. "Don't say things like that. Of course you haven't."
"Aria, you can't ignore the fact that what Liam said was true –"
"Stop, Ezra," Aria said, pulling back from him. "Do you love me?"
"Yes, I – of course I do, but –"
"No, no buts. I love you. You love me. We shouldn't let anyone tell us that our feelings are anything less than what they are. Ezra, you're it for me. You've always been it. We're unconventional and from the outside, maybe it looks like we shouldn't work as well as we do… but that's the thing. We do work. We work well together. I am a better person because of you."
Aria moved her hands so that they were cupping his face. She let one thumb smooth back the greying hair at his temple as she looked back and forth between his eyes. She was biting her bottom lip and it was doing things to him… things that shouldn't be happening while they were trying to have a serious conversation.
"I don't care what Liam or anyone else thinks anymore," Aria said. "I don't want to forget the past, but I do want to leave it behind us. We can't keep dredging up old issues. Especially this one. Eventually we're going to have new hurdles and I need you to be all in, without question. We need you."
She smiled at him, softly, and kept her hands where they were.
He was being silent as he listened to her talk, but she knew he was actively listening. She reached out and wiped away a few tears that were threatening to leave a trail of salt down his cheek.
"Don't doubt my feelings for you, and don't doubt how genuine they are, okay?"
Ezra nodded.
"And do me one more favor? If you're doubting your feelings for me, don't leave me in the dark."
"Aria, no." The words rushed out, and he pulled her to him. "No, that's not what's happening. Please, don't think that."
She leaned back so she could see him. "I don't think that, I'm just… making sure you know that I need you."
"I need you too," he said. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess."
"You're not a mess. Well…" she snickered a little, mostly out of relief. "You're kind of a mess, but you're my mess. Usually I'm the one who's a mess. We make a good team."
Ezra tucked her hair behind her ears, letting his hands trail over her locks and down to her shoulders. He leaned in and kissed her forehead. Though he couldn't see it, Aria closed her eyes and pushed away a few tears of her own. She let out a breath, reveling in his close presence.
When Ezra leaned back, Aria breached the topic neither of them wanted to discuss. "So does this mean everything is okay with Liam, obvious arguments aside? I don't see a black eye…"
"I guess – I don't really know, to be honest. I think we're still exactly where we were before. Maybe a little better off… he left without any final dig, so I guess that's something."
"Is he going to make a big deal out of us being together? No police…" she trailed off, leaving it as more of a question than a statement.
"I don't think so," Ezra said. He leaned back against the island and brought Aria's body close so that she was leaning on him too. "I want to call Jillian and have someone else in charge of overseeing the book. Are you okay with me doing that?"
"Yeah, yeah, that's fine."
"I told you I was going to make this work and I let him get the better of me. I'm sorry for that."
"Ezra, stop. It's not your fault. Nothing's your fault." Aria cleared her throat and began to trail a hand across Ezra's jaw line. She was growing more distracted as each second passed.
"Aria," he started, his voice trailing off in question. "Talk to me, please. Are you all right? What's wrong?"
She laughed, "Nothing's wrong," she said. "I just don't really care what happens anymore. Is that awful?"
"Only sort of awful," Ezra said, leaning down and planting a kiss beneath her ear lobe. He let his lips burn against her skin for a brief moment before moving up an inch to whisper in her ear. "I hope you care a little about what happens. I don't want either of us to go to jail. I've been looking forward to marrying you…"
Aria's face grew warm and she couldn't keep the smile from forming on her face.
"I really like the sound of that," she said. "I guess I can afford to care a little. I wish we could just be married already."
"Oh yeah?" Ezra reached down and held Aria at the waist. He let his fingers inch their way below the hem of her shirt and gently padded across the supple texture of her skin. She was warm and soft. He nestled his head in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply as her scent enveloped him. "Want to reconsider my offer? Run away together… just me and you…" He sucked a little on her neck and her breath caught audibly and a little noise escaped her throat.
Ezra burst out laughing but didn't stop.
"You're going to give me a hickey, stop it!" she said, holding back laughter and trying to push him away. Her efforts were for naught as he kept firmly to his spot. "Ezra," she begged, now laughing because it was tickling her just as much as it was turning her on. "God," she breathed, "if you're not going to stop, at least take me to the couch so I don't have to try and keep myself standing. I'm pregnant, remember? I'm carrying a whole human."
"How could I forget?" he mumbled against her skin. "It's our little avocado."
"Uh, huh…" she was turning to putty beneath him. "Couch, Ezra…"
He didn't need any more encouragement. Swiftly, he hoisted her up by her thighs and brought her to his waist so that he could carry her across the room. She wrapped her legs around him and let her hands dive into his curls, holding him there at her neck. Even though he was walking and could hardly see where they were going, Ezra didn't break away from her skin. He continued to suck there until his mouth was sore and he was seated on the couch, Aria straddling his hips.
He puled back just enough to rip Aria's shirt over her head, and she was quick to let him do so.
"This is not what we should be doing right now," Ezra said between devouring her mouth and rubbing his hands up and down her arms, over her back, through her hair...
"Shut up and keep kissing me," Aria said. Ezra laughed into her, smiling against her lips.
Only a few moments passed before Ezra tried to pull away again. "Seriously though, I was supposed to help Sabrina after our meeting."
His breathing was heavy, and even though he was talking through their make out session, Aria could tell he wasn't paying any attention to what he was saying. He was one hundred percent with her – he didn't need to say anything for her to know that. Sitting on his lap was informative enough.
"Let's not talk about Sabrina right now, okay?"
"Good idea," he said.
Ezra did not stop kissing her. If anything, he kissed her harder. His hands moved to the waistline of her pants and started pushing at them. Aria pulled them back and placed each at her chest.
"Stay up here a minute," she said huskily. "I'm not in the mood to rush." She cupped his face in her hands and let her tongue run over his gums, urging him to kiss her more deeply. Ezra was happy to comply. Reaching around to her back, he bent the fabric of her bra just like she'd taught him until the wires were released and the article fell forward on her shoulders.
He pulled her bra and as it raked along her skin, it sent a shiver over her, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind. He leaned back against the couch as he let the bra drop to the ground and stared at the woman in front of him.
"God, you're beautiful."
"You're talking too much," she said, leaning forward and gently coaxing him into kissing her again.
He took her by the arms and lovingly pushed her back so that he could see her. "I want to look at you a minute," he said. As he observed her, he let his fingers trail over every inch of her. "It's mid-morning, almost afternoon, the sun is hitting you perfectly, you're topless, you're pregnant, you're straddling me… I just want to remember this moment."
Aria looked off to the side, uncomfortable under his intense gaze. He reached up and turned her face so that their eyes met. He pulled her face toward him until they were nose to nose. "Let me love you," he breathed.
Twenty minutes later, Sabrina heard a loud clang coming from upstairs. Several customers had already mentioned complaints about noise coming from above them, and she had ridden if off as Ezra and Aria in a spat over what had occurred during their meeting with the publisher… editor… Aria's ex… whoever. Now, however, with hearing the loud, uneven movement from above, and the fact that the amount of noise that was being made was becoming distracting to those who were trying to quietly read, she figured she should go make sure an argument hadn't gotten violent.
She didn't think it was like them to get physical, but they both seemed like they had a temper at times… so she didn't put it past them.
She finished up the order she was working on, took advantage of the fact that there were no other people in line, and walked over, ascending the stairs that lead to the loft. She should have known the second she stepped foot on the landing that she'd misunderstood the commotion, but she wasn't especially great at picking up on social cues.
On the other side of the door, Aria and Ezra were oblivious to the light knock from the hallway.
Aria was still hovering above Ezra, but they'd moved to the stairs. The goal had been the bedroom, but they hadn't made it that far. They were paying little attention to what they were doing and where they were. He was still completely clothed, but she didn't have a spec of clothing on aside from her underwear… and Ezra was itching to slide those off as well. Aria was in a bossy mood, dragging the moment out, fully enjoying watching him squirm as she insisted on taking things painstakingly slow. For him at least.
He loved the fact that she was dragging this out, but it was killing him at the same time. She slid a hand down and pressed it between his legs while at the same time nipping at his neck. He let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed her waist, shoving her against the wall. He used the palm of his hand to brace himself there against her and it made a heavy thud as it made contact with the plaster.
"Am I being too rough?" he asked between biting her lip and attacking her neck.
"No," she said. "Just don't break another lamp and be careful of the baby."
"You're, like, the same person right now," he said. "And the lamp wasn't my favorite anyway."
"Ezra, stop talking."
He did as he was told, leaving only their interlocked lips to disrupt the silence around them. A moment later, there was another rap on the door and this time they were both able to hear it.
"What was that," Aria said lazily, lost in the sensation of his mouth, which had traveled down and attached itself to her breast.
"Shhh…." Ezra leaned up, kissing a line up to her collarbone. "It's nothing, just relax."
The knocking came again.
"Shit," she said. Her eyes shot open and reality struck her like hammer to nail. "That's the door - Ezra, that's the door."
Ezra's eyes grew in confusion and for the moment, he forgot about the skin he'd been giving attention to.
"Ezra?" a voice called from the other side of the door.
"Shit, shit, shit," Aria was saying as she bounced her fingers against Ezra's shoulders in a nervous panic. "Let me up – I've got to get a shirt on or something."
"It's just Sabrina, she's not going to barge in here –"
Before the sentence had even left his mouth entirely, the door creaked open and Sabrina pushed her head through without any consideration to what might be taking place inside.
"I stand corrected."
Ezra reacted so quickly that, if she wasn't before, Aria was now thoroughly pinned against the wall, the front of her body, and her exposed chest only covered by Ezra's frame. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. She felt like she was naked on stage and the whole world was staring at her…
… and that wasn't far from the truth considering she was almost completely naked.
"Oh, god! I'm so sorry – I… god, guys." Sabrina backed out the door, leaving it wide open, her hands held up to her brow like she was shielding her eyes from the view.
Aria was too caught off guard to say anything. She shot out Ezra's name, scolding him – for what she wasn't really sure, it's not like it was his fault they were in the predicament they were… she could have locked the door when he didn't. She could have kept her clothes on. She could have listened to him when he said that he was supposed to be downstairs covering the counter.
But… at the same time, this was their home – they should be able to do what they want without having people barge in on them.
"Fuck," Ezra said. His body relaxed, but Aria's stayed tense against him. He looked over his shoulder at the door, which was still wide open, exposing them both to the hallway.
"Since when does she let herself in here unannounced?"
"I'm supposed to be downstairs covering the counter," Ezra said, distracted. He was still shielding Aria's body from view and didn't know exactly how to continue doing that while also shutting the door.
Who doesn't shut the door after witnessing something like this?
"I know you're supposed to be downstairs – but you own the place. You can do what you want. Besides - we live here. What's she doing barging in like that?"
"I don't know, here," he tore off his shirt and gave it to Aria. She took it without thought and threw it over her head. She was, at the very least, grateful that she'd insisted on keeping her underwear on… and that things hadn't gone as far as they would have had she not been trying to get him worked up.
"Sabrina?" Ezra called, his voice not reaching above a regular speaking volume.
"Ezra, don't, I'm still hardly dressed."
He got up and walked over to the door, easing it closed when she wasn't right outside.
"I was just trying to tell if she was still there," he said. "Don't get upset – it's not a big deal."
"If she's out there, she can stew in embarrassment for all I care. You at least still had clothes on. That was mortifying."
"I'm sure she didn't think anything of it –"
"Ezra, I was naked," Aria said.
Ezra moved closer to where she was now standing at the stairs, one hand braced against the banister, the other resting on her hip. He looked at her with humor in his eyes. "Believe me, Aria, I know. You were not nearly naked enough."
She lifted one eyebrow, not finding the humor in the situation, but also not able to deny the fact that she was still in the mood. Ezra could see the look flitter across her face and he came forward, bringing her in to him.
"You look good with my shirt on," he said, taking her by the waist.
"You look good without it," she countered.
Just as she was about to capture his mouth in another kiss, Sabrina was pounding on the door again.
"Can you give us a minute?" Ezra said, his voice loud, this time having the right amount of irritation.
"That's it," Aria said, walking down the stairs and back toward the living room in search of her pants. "I'm going to kill her. This is how it ends for me – pregnant, unmarried, and in jail for killing your airhead of an employee."
Ezra looked at her as she retreated into the other room with an expression that clearly implied he was not amused by the joke.
"That's not funny," he called after her.
He opened the door with force.
"Dear god, pray tell, what was so important that you had to come back?"
Sabrina had been leaning against the opposite wall, her arms crossed, but at the tone of Ezra's voice, she threw her hands out in exasperation.
"I just thought you'd like to know that the whole of Rosewood could hear you two going at it up here."
Ezra's face visibly dropped. "Fuck," he said.
"Yeah, I'd say," Sabrina shot back. "You're welcome."
Aria walked up behind Ezra, still wearing his shirt, but with the addition of her jeans.
"And you're like, really pregnant," Sabrina said in amazement. She pushed herself off the wall.
"Thank you," Aria said. "I hadn't noticed."
"Now that I know, I'm just surprised I didn't notice before. You're so… tiny. It seems obvious now. Look, I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, it's nothing I haven't seen before."
"That was different," Aria said, defending herself. "We weren't in our home."
"No, you were in the office… of my place of work… on the desk that I sometimes use."
"All right, all right… That's enough, really," Ezra said, motioning for both of them to stop arguing. "Sabrina, we are incredibly sorry. We obviously had not considered how the sound may carry downstairs. It was inconsiderate. It won't happen again. I'm going to put a new shirt on and I'll be down in a minute to help out."
She rolled her eyes and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I don't care if you guys have sex, just keep the noise down. And keep it out of the work area? Please, for my benefit…"
"That is a totally reasonable request," Ezra said, now mortified himself. He looked at Aria expectantly, waiting for her to say something.
"We'll try to reel it in," Aria said. Ezra continued to look at her, his eyes growing in size. "I'm sorry," she added, mostly for his benefit.
Sabrina nodded. She was debating saying something and at the last second she looked between them both and chose to speak. "I'll try to be more observant the next time I'm about to enter a room. I'm not very good at reading certain situations."
Aria gave her a tight-lipped smirk and reached in front of Ezra, taking the door from him and pushing it closed. Before it met with the fame, she sighed and cocked her head. Sabrina had already turned to head back downstairs but that short amount of distance was enough to shake Aria to her senses. She wanted to properly apologize before the moment passed.
"Sabrina," she called, her voice full of regret.
The young woman turned around.
"I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard. I don't want to continue to be rude to you."
"You're fine, Aria, I get it. It was my bad."
Aria slid out into the hallway and brought the door closed behind her.
"Well it was our bad too."
"Thank you," Sabrina said. She stood a moment longer, wondering if Aria had something else to say. "I should probably get back downstairs."
"Right…" Aria trailed off. "Just, wait. Before you go… I might occasionally feel a little threatened by you, and I'm sorry. You haven't given me any reason to act that way. It's just an insecurity."
"You don't have to feel that way, Aria," Sabrina offered, "but thank you for telling me."
"About what you said earlier… uh, thank you for taking care of him the way you did. I owe you."
"You don't owe me anything."
"Well, if it's all the same, I feel like I do. I'd like us to start over."
Sabrina was about half way down the stairs, and Aria was still clinging to the doorknob, but the distance between them seemed shorter after these words had been spoken. Aria felt a weight lifted from her shoulders.
Sabrina nodded her appreciation of Aria's apology but didn't say anything further. As she headed back down the stairs, she swore off ever going into any room where the two of them were alone ever again. That was the second time now that she'd found them in a compromising position, and it wasn't something she was interested in making a routine. She would, however, make an extra effort to make Aria feel at home in the Brew.
Author's Note: I don't know why I love Sabrina's character, but I do. I don't plan on having her in here a ton, but I'm kind of surprised by the number of times I've already included her haha What are your thoughts? She's just interesting... and I think that she has an interesting connection to Aria... I don't know, there's a lot to play with. Anyway, I'm hoping to write a scene with the girls next. I'm kind of intimidated by it, so we'll see how that goes. They all have very different personalities, but four to five characters - girls, at that - is a lot to manage in one scene. We'll have to see how it goes.
Let me know what you thought, let me know what you're looking forward to seeing... let me know if you have something specific you'd like to see and I'll do my best to include it. I'm not sure when the next update will be. I write as fast as I can. Reviews help :) the more you chat me up the better.
- btf