Yrashu Meditation Circle, Baskarn
After her discussion with Leia, Rey sought out a secluded, safe area where she could spend some uninterrupted time searching for her counterpart in the tumult of the Force.
Knowing the hut she'd been sharing with about half the Resistance would never do, Rey went to Morro for direction. This he genially supplied, leading her too a quiet, ceremonial location some distance from the village. The area was relatively clear of dangerous foliage and, as it was mostly used for solemn rites, no one was likely to wonder in.
It was a beautiful spot, dominated by a large flat paving stone that was sunk into the ground and decorated with a looping, circular grid. It looked ancient and gave the whole place an air of mystery and solemnity as shade and sun took their turns playing across it's face through the canopy of trees.
"No one will bother you here." Morro promised, leaning down on his green knuckles so his head would be lower and closer to Rey's. "The children know not to play here." He nodded somberly.
"It's perfect, thank you." Rey smiled up gently in gratitude, a gesture that the Yrashu returned in his own way by softly nudging her upper arm with his furry elbow.
Rey looked up into the canopy, taking a few steps towards the center of the large stone as the older Yrashu began moving back toward the village. She felt his consciousness recede and the noises and sensations of the forest became more prominent as distractions faded away. A gentle breeze brought the smell of mud, a rustling in the brush and the sound of insect hums.
Rey settled herself cross-legged in the center of the slab and sunk gratefully into the flow of the Force.
It had only been half a day since their last conversation but Rey was oddly anxious about this one. Ben's behavior was so erratic and hard to read, she wanted to handle this situation as adeptly as General Leia would in her place. But she also knew that was impossible. Rey breathed deeply. She would put her best effort into helping Ben, and in the end, that would have to be enough. Things would go their own way.
Rey let the worry flow away, focusing her energy in locating her foil, the other scalding pool of light at the end of the bridge. It was far easier than she thought it would be. It was like a current grabbed onto her and she was dragged along, straight to him.
There he was, sitting calmly reading through a veritable stack of data-pads. Rey couldn't help it, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, despite her more recent exposures to opulence. Each one was worth at least a dozen full portions of food back on Jakku! The heap on his lap wobbled slightly as Ben's big brown eyes jumped up to meet hers, face quickly controlled, revealing nothing. But Rey could feel a brief elation, quickly hidden, as she composed her own features and rose to stand from where she was sitting on the ground.
The expensive stack wobbled again as Ben also moved to straighten. He didn't even look down, holding her eye in an intimidating way as he smoothly levitated the whole stack off his lap and away to the side, out of her sight. It was slightly jarring to observe his stark, black silhouette surrounded by greenery as he stood to his full height.
Their encounters usually followed a pattern. Ben would speak with cursory aggression, dominating the conversation or… he would listen pensively, offering comfort and thoughtful council. And he would switch between these two personas with such disquieting speed, Rey was hard pressed to adapt quickly enough.
But this time he just stared. No calculation, no fierce extortion. He was just studying her, as he'd done earlier near the spring, eyes soft and appraising.
Rey summoned back her confidence and spoke, "I meant to ask first, before materializing. The current swept me here faster than I expected." She admitted easily. Talking about the Force with another user was quickly becoming Rey's favorite conversational piece.
"You initiated?" the shock showed on his face this time. "Impressive. But I should expect that of you by now." He gave a mildly bitter yet rueful half smile.
Rey didn't know what to make of that attitude so she chose to ignore it.
"You mentioned having more information about the Galactic Assembly." She offered instead, opening up the opportunity for a more professional information exchange.
"What did my mother say when you passed along my request?" He inquired instead, avoiding her obvious question, and marking the signs of switching into 'aggressive Ben'.
"She asked that I acquire more information," Rey fired back firmly. Ben's eyes narrowed at the same times as a small smirk twitched across his face.
"Yes I'm sure that's all she had to say on the matter" He answered with dismissive sarcasm, "Very well…" He gave her another assessing look and Rey just raised her chin. "The Galactic Assembly will take place a month from now, in the Naboo System. The main topics of discussion will be: Ordaining galaxy wide laws, and distinguishing between basic military and state powers." He explained with deliberate callousness whitch did nothing to belay the serious intent she could feel coming from him. No matter what his face and words alleged, this was important to him.
Rey nodded seriously, deliberating, "That might not be enough time." Ben's eyes narrowed in confusion before she elaborated. "General Leia said we could agree to attend, on one condition."
He waited, unyielding, as Rey slowly studied his face for the inevitable reaction. "You teach me how to assemble a lightsaber."
Rey expected him to freeze and consider this caveat carefully. But Ben did neither of these things. He grinned.
It was the first time Rey had ever seen such a facsimile of a smile and the effect was terrifying.
"Sure," He said with a flippant air, head swinging "Then I'll go ahead and stab myself with it and save you the trouble."
Rey frowned in repugnance and confusion, unable to break through his façade to see what he was really feeling. "I thought you understood that I want to help you."
"Of course you do," He spit bitingly, continuing the blasé manner that was really starting to irritate her. "Until exactly the moment that I'm not behaving perfectly enough for you, then you'll stab me through the heart." He finished with a hiss, eyes bright with anger as he gesticulated sharply. The bitterness and hurt were obvious now.
Rey had clenched her hands, but the irritation was washing away as she remembered he was a boy who had been betrayed and manipulated continuously throughout his life. Her face relaxed from irate into something more somber.
"I could have killed you, you know. That day on Snokes ship, when I knew you were going to hunt down the Resistance—I could have ended it there." The decision to leave him alive hadn't even given her the slightest pause. She needed to make him understand that. And maybe he could see her confliction, because his mocking smile slipped away.
Stepping closer to her on the sunken dais, his restless eyes darted around her face, entreating, searching. "Then why? Why sm I still alive?"
"Because I don't want to see you dead," Sincere and quiet, her voice spoke on it's own as his dark eyes captured hers in a way that brought on a sense of closeness. "I'd still hoped we could… that you might…" Rey stuttered to a stop, glancing down in contemplation, trying to gather her thoughts to better articulate her desires.
She wasn't sure what Ben was thinking but he wasn't interrupting… He was standing distractingly close, Rey's eyes on level with his chest. She took a steadying breath and looked back up, regarding him with calm professionalism.
"I hope that we've reached a point now, where, if there's a disagreement between us we can talk about it and come to a compromise. Move forward." He raised his chin slightly, listening evenly. A hint of approval on his face but he was still waiting for more.
Rey paused for a moment, unconsciously licking her lips before finally promising, "I won't go for my lightsaber unless lives are on the line." A little grin twitched at the corner of her mouth. All of a sudden, this all seemed a little funny to her. But she smothered it, not wanting to risk insulting him while discussing something so serious.
Turns out, she needn't have worried. For what cracked at the stone of his face, was the first genuine smile she'd ever seen him wear. Granted, it was small and more of a smirk, but it transformed his face entirely, into something almost handsome.
"Deal" He said softly, holding out his ungloved hand. Rey looked down, shocked. That was it? No manipulation or insults or explosive rage? She gazed back up at his face, eyes probing. What she saw there, was his costmary intensity tempered now by a new calm, openness. It made her feel a thrill of warm elation, an emotion she usually associated with green things and water and Finn.
Rey reached out and clasped his larger hand.
It was as if a Jakku sand storm slammed into her with all its force, sand and wind. Not knowing what to expect, perhaps visions, perhaps nothing, Rey and Ben were both staggered at the flood of images and sensations.
Instead of separate visions, this time, Rey and Ben were moving through the experience together, hands joined.
There was inexplicable heat, the feeling of warm skin, a bright window, a sandstone outcrop, caves made of ice, a rope hanging from a tree branch, a crackling fire that was somehow also Ben's lightsaber, a heated, coiling feeling associated with the distinct image of their two hands meeting, embraced.
And then it was over.
They both gasped. Rey was panting, shock still running through her system as she instinctively tried to draw her hand away. But he grasped it firmly, "No. Wait."
He held up a finger, looking into her eyes and probing with the Force, feeling the air around and between them. Rey began to do the same, reaching out, feeling the current of the Force they were engulfed in as it began to calm down, like water settling after a storm.
Their ragged breathing began to calm as well, bodies gradually straitening out of the slight crouch they'd instinctively fallen into.
Without releasing her, Ben brought his other hand up to experimentally stroke her knuckle. Touch light as a whisper across her skin.
Rey shivered.
But no visions ensued.
They observed each other with a bit of mutual relief and Rey's other hand came up to clasp both of his in hers as she grinned in relief. The same familiar way she'd act with Finn if this had happened between them.
Ben stepped closer bringing their clasped hands up to their chests. "Interesting." He commented dryly, running his thumb soothingly over the top of her hand.
"That was all things we're going to see together," Even as Rey spoke in awe she tried to make sense of the words. She didn't know how she knew that.
Ben frowned slightly, "Possibly."
There was something creeping up on her, something that called back to the heat in the vision—a coiling tension in her belly that brought warmth to her chest and face as she glanced down at their embraced hands and back up at Ben.
His thick hair was being tousled in the breeze and the black clothing he wore seemed stifling in the forest. Dark eyes, forever restless, traveled over her face and lose hair. He had captured and threatened her. Killed his own father and attacked his mother, threatened to destroy all of the Resistance.
Yet being here with him now felt more natural than anything in the galaxy.
"I think we can do this. Work together, work through our differences and start a new phase of history in the galaxy. That sounds too ambitious but…" Her eyes were shining with excitement. "I have new hope. Here, with you."
A look of surprise flashed across his face before softness settled in his eyes.
"Maybe you're right."
Flushed with elation, Rey didn't hesitate. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his chest, breathing in deep. His cheek came down to rest on her hair, natural and easy as the summer wind playing through the branches above.
They fit together seamlessly, the Force flowing around and through them in a tender, playful way.
"I have something to tell you." Ben said quietly from above her, not breaking the moment. Rey turned her head to the side and waited.
He leaned back slightly to meet her eye, "My lightsaber is… defective."
Rey's eyes widened as she leaned back slightly, head twitching to the side in silent question.
"When a Jedi lightsaber is assembled, they choose a Kyber crystal and the crystal chooses them. A bond is formed and the two work together in harmony." Ben swallowed and shifted his gaze to the side. "Mine was not formed like that... Do you know why all the Sith had red lightsabers?" She shook her head and he continued.
"The Sith don't form a bond with their Kyber crystal. They take one and bend it to their will." His tone was resigned, as if describing a death that had taken place many, many years ago. "The violent process results in the blade "bleeding" red."
He paused again, eyes finally jumping down to catch her own.
"That is how I wield my blade."
They'd been standing close, hands firmly intertwined, but now Rey stepped back, horror and sadness filling her eyes. Their hands, however, remained clasped as Ben gripped her more firmly
"Have you noticed how my blade crackles, shifts and jumps, seeming less steady than yours?" He questioned fiercely, gaze insisting and intense, prompting her to respond quickly.
Lips thinning, she nodded her head stiffly, "Yes"
"That's because I haven't tamed it!" He seemed almost frantic to explain as he stepped in closer again, hands releasing hers only to clutch her upper arms. "In all these years, I've never dominated it, never broken it to my will." Looking away for a moment he seemed not to be talking to her. "I thought that was weakness before but now… I realize." He shook his head, gaze pivoting back to her sharply. "That I admire its strength. I don't want to break or use it. I want it to be mine and I it's. To work together."
Seeming to find immediate comfort in that realization, he sagged slightly. Staying close but releasing her arms, his face relaxed from its contortions. Eyes careful and penetrating, he bowed down slowly to rest his forehead against hers. "That's… also how I feel about you." He clarified softly, in case she hadn't caught on.
Stunned, Rey was frozen. Abruptly recognizing that despite his manic explanation and desperate scrabbling, she had felt no fear. She'd calmly endured his outburst knowing that it stemmed from chaotic emotions and would soon pass. There would be an explanation after.
Maybe she just understood him better now. Maybe it was because he wasn't threatening her anymore. Maybe it was because she could see him now as he was: a deeply passionate man, desperate to make sense of the world and establish some tolerability for his own choices.
And maybe he was looking to her for comfort, approval, and understanding.
All that summed up and slammed together in the staggering realization that he cared for her as deeply as she cared for him.
Rey looked up into Ben's eyes with her mouth agape. She had no words.
Instead, she impulsively lowered her defenses. Allowing all the love, care and devotion she felt for him careen through their bond, crashing into him with the force of waves smashing against the rocky shore on Ahch-To.
Ben gasped, eyes widening as his head jerked back reflexively, shock and wonder flashing across his face.
Then Rey didn't know what happened but he was holding her face as tears spilled from his eyes and then his lips were gently brushing hers. And then he pulled away so swiftly she hadn't even registered the gesture as his frantic orbs came back into view. Then he swooped down to kiss her again and though she was dazed, Rey instinctively leaned up into it, pressing their lips more firmly together and holding him tight.
They broke apart when she started to laugh and she realized that tears were streaming down her face too and that she was amazed and happy and overwhelmed.
It was a powerful realization. That she cared for him as he cared for her—that neither was alone in their feelings. The notion birthed a sense relief and comfort, of rightness, of belonging, as they actively allowed room in their hearts for the other.
That there was someone in the galaxy they could trust implicitly… it was unbelievable. It was like the odds of a star fragment falling directly into the palm of your hand.
Similar thoughts seemed to be running through Ben's head because he uttered a strangled sort of chuckle, lips widening into a true smile—a genuine, full, happy smile. A tingling, delightful sensation spread throughout her whole body at the site of it.
Rey beamed up at him, loving the soothing sensation of his warm, trembling hand on her face. She hiccupped, tears still leaking out and a few chuckles escaped him as they stared and stared and stared, falling deep into the well of the others eyes.
The tears on her face were gently wiped away by Ben's thumb and she reached up to do the same for him. Marveling at his features, big proud nose over soft lips, Rey felt herself flush at how his bright, roaming orbs constantly drew her attention. How close they were…
Finally, without really meaning to, they moved into a breathtaking embrace. Ben's larger, muscular frame enveloped hers and their lips collided. Arms warped around her upper shoulders while she grasped at his sides to pull their bodies flush together. It was desperate and inexperienced and thrilling. They explored one another with the exuberance of an infant attempting to walk for the first time.
Initially, Ben navigated. Bringing a hand down to cup her chin while the other kept her close, soft lips tugging and nipping, making her quiver. But then Rey moved in, the instant he wavered, repeating and escalating what he'd just done to her mouth, breezing over it before experimentally darting her tongue out to flick his upper lip. A half smothered groan escaped from his throat and Rey inhaled sharply as her body reacted to his deep rumble. A warm, coiling rush spilling through her body in reaction.
More aggressively this time, their lips crashed together, a wild heat rising up around them.
All at once, Ben broke away with a strangled groan, pinching his eyes shut and holding her at arms length.
"Ben? What… what's wrong?" Breathless, Rey anxiously extended her thoughts to feel her partners. And was utterly confused by what she found there. He seemed pleased but there was a pained reluctance as well, along with an intense ach she couldn't identify.
"I can't. Not like this, I… Rey…" His head was bowed, arms still grasping hers and breathing ragged. Not wanting to push him, Rey lightly placed her hands on his forearms and rubbed soothingly while he composed himself. She smiled ironically to think how she'd learned these comforting techniques from Leia only hours earlier.
She could feel the subtle shift as he brought his chaotic emotions into heel. Finally, he took a deep breath and straitened, meeting her eye.
"I can't do this right now. With our bond open like this… I… don't have a handle on my emotions." He grit out reluctantly, eyes darting to the side. Rey didn't really understand what was holding him back but she smiled fondly anyway, because at least he was being open with her, even if his jaw was heatedly clenching and unclenching.
When his eyes swung back around to rest on her, she was struck once again by how expressive they were. One moment, they were as fierce as a Wooky warrior in combat the next as tender and captivating as a baby Porg.
They were tender now, as he reached up to brush his fingers along her cheek.
"When this happens between us, I need to be ready. And right now, we don't know enough about the Force bond to try something like that." This further elaboration had Rey nodding in recognition. She'd almost forgotten they weren't even on the same planet. The crackling energy that bound them together was being held in place by force of will.
Though she didn't see why kissing would have harmful effects on their bond, she trusted his experience.
"Alright," She nodded considerately, keeping her distance. But it was cold without his touch.
His gaze held hers, heavy with disappointment and resignation. So she tried coaxing smile and reached for his hand.
He let her hold it warily but her grin was soft, "This is enough."
A reluctant kind of smile twitched at his upper lip, much to Rey's delight. "So… can you tell me where to find a Kyber Crystal?" She asked tentatively, not wanting to push.
The final bits of wariness faded from him and Ben's mouth widened into a smirk, "Better. I can show you."
AN: I'm having so much fun writing this and I'm so grateful for all the people who have followed, liked and reviewed!