Hello all, back with another chapter. Keep coming with the reviews it really helps me know if I am on the right track. Just a heads up I am currently snowed in, and we haven't lost power yet but that is always a possibility so if I don't get an update out over the weekend I apologize in advance.
I still sadly do not own Rizzoli and Isles.
Once inside Maura quickly goes in search for her favorite tortoise. She finds him in his makeshift jail in her home office. Carefully stepping over the gate she squats down and gently runs a gauze covered hand over his shell.
"Did you miss me?" She coos. She has truly missed her little companion.
The detective leans against the doorway and watches quietly. It will never fail to amaze her how much the M.E. loves that reptile. Yes most people love and adore their pets, but then again most people have cute furry pets that just beg to be love.
"Hey you two." The brunette says from the doorway.
"Hello, what do you have there?" Maura turns to see the brunette leaned against the doorframe with a pint of strawberries in hand.
"Oh just a little something for your turtle." She smirks and can't hold back a chuckle.
"Tortoise. How many more times am I going to have to tell you Bass is a tortoise not a turtle." Mauar frowns.
"I know, but it's fun to get a rise out of you. I picked up some English strawberries." The brunette easily steps over the the gate and squats down next to the tortoise and honey blonde.
"You do pay attention to me when I speak." The M.E. smiles and grabs a strawberry and waves is slowly in front of the reptile.
"Believe it or not Maura I listen to everything you say." Jane says with a smile.
After feeding Bass and just hanging around in his room for a while the M.E. body begins to twinge with pain. She sighs and stands.
"I think I could go for my afternoon round of medications and a hot shower." Maura steps over the gate and heads down to the kitchen to retrieve her meds.
Jane follows she sighs as she watches the blonde struggle to get the cap off the the pill bottles.
"Let me help you with that." The brunette walks over and easily pops the tops and places the pills on the counter before going to the cabinet and retrieving a glass and filling it with water from the fridge. She also goes to the tote bag next to the kitchen island and grabs a straw placing it in the glass before setting it down in front of the honey blonde.
"Thanks." Maura says wearily. She scoops the pills into her gauze covered hand and tosses them into her mouth before bending and taking the straw between her lips.
Jane leans back against the counter. She doesn't want to bust Maura's happy little bubble but she also knows that when the honey blonde finally decides to take a show the reality of the situation is going to hit her hard. The detective's eyes are fixated on the floor while lost in thought.
"Nickel for your thoughts." Maura brought the raven haired woman out of her trace. And she tilted her head in confusion when Jane chuckled at her.
"Penny, Maura. It's penny for your thoughts." The brunette rubbed the back of her neck trying to decide what to say next.
"Oh." The M.E's cheeks flush with embarrassment. "What are you thinking about?"
"Just that, you are finally home and on the road to recovery. But." Jane stops talking and once again looks at the floor. She doesn't want up the honey blonde but anything else she says will sure to ruin the good mood Maura is in.
"But what? You can tell me anything Jane." Maura steps in front of the brunette and uses the top of her thumb to gently lift Jane's chin so she will look her in the eyes. There is only a minimal jolt of pain through her hand and she was happy she was able to keep it from showing on her face. Every time the detective saw her in pain it broke her heart and it was written all over her face.
"But you are just beginning your recovery. I have been there I know what it's like. And you mentioned wanting to get in a real shower." Jane trails off and rubs her thumb over Maura's cheek. "Right now you will need someone to help you completely. You aren't going to be able to use your hands to wash up or shampoo that gorgeous hair of yours. And I don't want you to get upset or frustrated with yourself. When I got home the first thing I did was run off to shower and broke down because I couldn't even wash my own hair. I don't want that for you Maura, it breaks my heart every time you hurt or are upset."
In her analytical mind Maura knew the detective was right. Hell she couldn't even open a pill bottle without help right now. But she had put herself in a happy little bubble where she got home from the hospital and she had Jane. They had already confessed their feelings for one another but they still hadn't had any real time alone to be just them. She wanted a proper first date, first kiss, Maura wanted it all and she wanted it right now. Not a few months down the line when her body recovered. One thing the honey blonde hadn't really thought but until just now was her body. She had been through hell and back. And it's not like the hospital has a full length mirror so she herself still hasn't seen the damage first hand. Sure when she would change her hospital gown she would take a look down and see the now healing gashes over her chest and legs but she hadn't seen the full picture.
"How about a penny for your thoughts?" Jane says quietly, she stood there for a good five minutes while the honey blonde took in her words and she watched as her gaze went off into some far off place.
"I, I uh, was just thinking you are right. I am going to need a lot of help." Maura sighs and takes a page out of Jane's book and stares at the floor. "I don't think everything has fully sunk in for me yet. I mean I know medically everything that is wrong with me but I haven't seen it. Not truly I think I have been making myself avoid it."
It breaks Jane's heart to see the M.E. finally coming back to reality. She knows this won't be easy but she will do everything in her power to help Maura through this.
"I know I said I don't need an aide because you agreed to stay with me but I think I might need one for certain things." Maura's voice cracks and tears sting her eyes.
"We will get one if you want one, but I told you already Maura. I am here and I am going to help you with whatever you need." The detective cannot fight it anymore she reaches out and pulls the honey blonde into a gentle but love filled hug.
"I am sorry Jane, I just don't know if I am ready for you to see." Maura says against Jane's neck. She feels Jane kiss the top of her head and the small gesture makes her tense body relax.
"It's okay baby, I understand. Do you want me to see if I can get someone here right away? I can.." Jane is cut off by the M.E. shaking her head against her neck.
"No, I think I'll go upstairs and get changed. But maybe you could call and set something up for tomorrow while I am gone?" Maura looks up from her spot to see the sadness in the dark chocolate orbs.
"I think I can handle that." Jane places a soft kiss on Maura's lips before releasing her hold on the shorter woman.
Maura sighs and walks up the stairs towards her bedroom. Once inside she clicks the door closed, she walks up to her perfectly made bed and runs the tip of her finger along the ten thousand thread count egyptian cotton comforter. It seems strange now to have spent so much time and money on making this room perfect. Everything had to be just right, the colors, the fabric, the height of the bed and bedside tables. All of her worries over this room seem so small and insignificant now.
She walks to her huge walk in closet and grabs a light pink pair of silk pajama bottoms, top and matching robe. She turns the light off before heading into the en suite bathroom, she again closes the door behind her and turns on the lights. She places her clean sleepwear on the counter and stares at her reflection in the mirror.
Her eyes is no longer bluish purple it has moved into the yellowish green stage of healing. Her hair is limp around her shoulder and the roots a greasier than she would have ever thought possible, dry shampoo can only do so much. In her right hairline there is a faint yellowish green bruise as well. She lifts the tips of her fingers to her cracked and chapped lips, she sucks in a deep breath as she stare at the strange in the mirror. She hasn't even gotten to the work of it yet and she is already on the verge of tears. Just get this over with, you need to just rip the bandaid off quickly. Maura own thoughts are shouting at her.
After another few minutes of staring at herself in the mirror and memorizing every imperfection she reaches for the zipper on the BPD hoodie she was wearing. She asked Jane if she could wear one of her favorite hoodie because the brunette's unique scent lingered in the material and it made Maura calmer. She shrugged out of the jacket and turned her back to the mirror. She awkwardly shimmied out of her black yoga pants. Her heart was racing and she could hear it pounding in her ears.
She chews the inside of her cheek nervously. Just turn around, quite being a wuss. Turn around. Turn around. Maura's inner monologue isn't helping her nerves, with one more deep breath she turns around. She gasps and covers her mouth with her still gauze covered hand. She knew it was going to be bad but she couldn't have imagined this in her wildest dreams. Even though the plastic surgeon they called in to close her wounds did an amazing job, she wasn't prepared for what she saw. Tears rolled down her cheeks. The gashes over her left breast and thighs have been expertly closed with internal sutures and sealed with dermabond. Over time they lines will fade and leave faint scar. However, right now they were bright red and stood out considerably against her light cream colored skin.
Staring at herself for what seemed hours Maura back herself against the wall and slide down into a crumpled heap. She knows is vain but she cannot get the thought of of her head that she is now somehow repulsive. Her perfect skin mared for all of eternity. Her heart hurts as she thinks about the brunette. She has envisioned their first time together and now all that seems lost. How will Jane ever be able to love her, in her mind she is now hideous.
She slowly pulls herself together enough to pull on her pajamas and robe but slumps back down to the floor. She doesn't want to see anyone right now. Not even Jane, how was she going to explain it without hurting the woman she loved. She is battered and broken and even with physical therapy her body will still tell the tale. She brings her knees to her chest, folds her arms across the top of her knees and lays her head down and sobs quietly.
A half hour after Maura went upstairs Jane had finished making her phone calls and had called in a pizza. She knew the M.E. would say they need a more nutritious meal so she ordered Maura a salad. The doorbell rang and the brunette quickly paid the delivery guy and set the pizza and salad on the counter. She opened a bottle of Maura's favorite red wine and set it on the counter to breathe. She looks at her watch and frowns, the honey blonde has been gone a long time. She knows how difficult this is but she is also getting worried so she heads upstairs to make sure everything is okay.
Jane knocks lightly on Maura's bedroom but gets no response. She pushes through the door to find the room empty and for a moment her heart jumps into her throat as she begins to panic. The brunette rushes to the closet and too finds it empty, then she hears something that breaks her heart into a million pieces, the honey blonde was crying. Jane walks the the bathroom door and knocks.
"Maura, it's me. Can I come in?" Jane chews her lip and waits for an answer. After a minute when she still hasn't gotten a response she knocks again.
"Please leave me alone Jane." Maura says between sobs. She just needs a little more time to pull herself together. "I'll be out in a little bit." She feels bad for making it seem like she wants Jane to leave completely and that was the farthest thing from the truth right now but she was at war with herself.
"Maura, baby. Let me come in. I promise everything will be okay." Trying sound as soothing as she can Jane place a scarred palm against the door. When she gets no answer and she hears the honey blonde sniffle again she decides enough is enough. She was going to be there for her best friend, the love of her life, whether she liked it or not. Maura might thinks she has to handle this on her own but the brunette was determined to prove her otherwise.
Jane slowly opens the door and meets resistance when the door is halfway open. She squeezes through the crack and what she finds rips a part of her soul. Behind the door Maura sits with her knees pulled up and her head laid down, and her shoulders heaving from all her crying.
"Please look at me, Maura." The detective squats down in front of the smaller woman and pushes her hair back over her shoulders.
"Please I don't want you to see me like this. Please, please just leave me alone." Maura's voice is soft and waivers.
"This is hard but you have to let me be there for you. Please, I nearly lost you and I can't lose you again. Please Maura let me help you." Jane cannot take anymore and she sits herself down in front of the M.E. and opens her legs and pulls the honey blonde to her enveloping her in a tight hug. "Can you tell me what's going on in the big brain of yours?" The brunette is desperate to stop Maura's tears and maybe a little joking with help.
"It's stupid and shallow." Maura finally relents and finally uncurls herself and hugs the brunette back.
"Nothing you are feeling is stupid." Jane rubs soothing circles against Maura's back.
"It's just, everything. It's too much. I am hideous now and I just.." She is cut off because the brunette wasn't hearing another word.
"Whoa, I am going to stop you right there. Baby you are far from hideous. You are stunning, gorgeous, the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life. Yes your body looks a little different right now and I know how scary that must be for you. But you are still the same woman on the inside that I fell in love with. I wouldn't care if you have green hair all over your body or four arms. You will have some small scars but that isn't a bad thing. I just shows how strong you are, you tell me all the time how strong you think my hands are even with my scars. Why is it any different for you?" Jane kiss the top of the honey blonde's head.
"I know it is vain but I feel like you are going to leave me when you really see all of my scars. I don't just have scars on my hands Jane." Her voice is a little stronger. It's amazing how she begins to relax once in the arms of the brunette.
"I have scars other than the ones on my hands too. It shows where we have been not who we are." Jane wishes she could take the M.E. insecurities away. In time she will but right now there is no way Maura will let the brunette prove it to her. But Jane vows to make sure that Maura knows how much she means to her and how beautiful she is inside and out.
After calming down Maura raises her head and presses her forehead against the detective's. They stay in their little bubble just holding onto one another for a while. The honey blonde is the one to pull back slightly, what she sees in the Jane's eyes is nothing short of pure adoration. She half expected to see pity but she finds none and her heart swells.
"I heard the doorbell early, was someone here?" Maura says.
" Yeah I ordered us a pizza, and before you say it's unhealthy I got you a salad too. I figured we could eat and watch a movie get back our old selves?" Jane says with a smile.
"I'd like that very much." The smile on Maura's face matches that of the detective's.
"Then let's go. Let me help you up." Jane carefully untangles herself from the smaller woman and bend over grabbing ahold of Maura's biceps and pulls her gently to her feet.
"I don't know what I did to deserve you." Maura leans forward and hugs the taller woman. She will never grow tired of being able to wrap her arms around Jane.
Hope you all enjoyed this latest chapter. Over the next few chapters we are going to watch Maura and Jane deal with aftermath of kidnapping. I am not going to just skate over the injuries or the emotional toll the previous events had on them.