Ice Caverns, Ilum
The grotto was aglow and Rey was warm in his arms.
Snuggled together on the ground, surrounded by softly luminescent Kyber, the Jedi had drifted off quickly. But being in this unbelievable, ethereal position had Ben's eyes wide open and staring, struggling to comprehend the peaceful flame that burned steady in his chest.
It was resolution unlike anything he'd ever known, this partnership with Rey. Every moment they were together, the anger and fear eased, allowing room for love and trust to grow.
He tried to remain realistic. Even if he and Rey were able to compromise and even if they were able to trust, the road ahead was fraught with difficulty for the most skilled of diplomats.
But thoughts like that were hard to take seriously when nestled against the most enthralling woman he'd ever met. The idea that someone could inspire him to change, would consider him a friend, maybe even a lover, that he in turn would trust them… it was implausible. Until recently, it was a fantastical idea.
Not worth thinking about. Not even a remote possibility in his life.
Except now it was reality.
Now the way he felt about Rey brought up a whole host of contingencies for the future. Would they be able to work together? What did she want for the future?
Did she feel as strongly about him as he felt about her?
Rey's chest rose and fell in a deep breath and Ben looked down into her peaceful face, hand unconsciously coming up to stroke her cheek. The cloaks they'd worn were draped over them, a pair of bedrolls beneath and the two packs serving as pillows. Ironically, looking at the source of his questions allowed him to let them flow away, into the welcoming swirl of the Force.
Those were issues to be addressed when and if they arose.
Ben shifted, sliding down to press his chest into her back and curl an arm around her taut waist, struggling to find some position wherein he could hold her yet still retain feeling in both arms. Finally, slightly disgruntled, he settled down. Nestling his nose into soft, wavy hair, it's pleasant scent calming, sending him into a dreamless sleep.
.
.
.
"Ben!" A burst of light flashed behind Ben's closed eyes, a tremble reaching him through the Force.
His eyes flew open, Rey's glowing face snapping into focus. It took a moment for him to get over the fact that he had woken up to a beautiful, ecstatic woman.
"I felt it calling out to me in a dream, look! It's light is still pulsing. Can I assemble the blade now?"
Ben shook out the hair that had fallen into his eyes as he sat up and inspected the clear, pulsing crystal held aloft in Rey's hands. It was giving all the correct sings of accepting its new wielder and what's more, it was massive.
"This is enough for two blades." A depiction solidified in his mind of her brandishing a double-bladed staff. It was quite fitting.
Rey's forehead wrinkled, "We didn't bring enough materials to construct two."
"That's fine. It needn't be done now. So long as you're not taking it from here against its will, which judging by the light pulsing I'd say you're not, it will be fine to wait until we get back to the ship." He stood and moved over to the cave wall and crouched done to examine his own lightsaber. "I just thought we'd bring the materials so you had something to do while I try to communicate with my own blade."
Rey stepped forward curiously. "What are you going to do?"
"I… I want to give it a choice this time. Continue to inhabit my blade, freely, or remain here where it came from." Folding his body down into a lotus position, Ben's eyes drifted shut again and maybe Rey could sense the gravity of the circumstance because she didn't ask any more questions. He heard her move off, the quiet sounds of her packing up their things becoming further and further away.
Then Ben fell into the ever-changing tide of the Force.
Unexpectedly, he wasn't there long.
When he came back to his body it was trembling. Sensing his return, Rey was by his side in an instant. "What happened?"
If the pain wasn't obvious on his face she could no doubt feel it through the Force. He turned away, unwilling to face her, unwilling to reveal the depth of his crime.
She didn't push him. Rey sat back on her haunches and waited.
Practicing his breathing, Ben spent the next five minutes simply inhaling and exhaling. Coming to terms with his decision.
"The crystal… It's old." He finally said, still not looking at her. "And it's been abused for so long, it can't remain here without corrupting its brothers. So… it will continue to fuel my blade." He couldn't stop the angry termers.
The horrible truth behind Sith blades wasn't news to him. He'd knowingly exploited and manipulated the crystal for years… but damn it... he was trying to make it right now!
He couldn't change the past but he'd hoped moving forward that things could be different… Ben's hands curled into tight fists on his knees. He knew how it felt to be used, controlled, subjugated, and now… to respect the last shred of this life forms identity, he would have to continue on with that horrible legacy.
Reaching out, he curled his shaky fingers around the hilt of the saber.
Only this time, there was a pulse in the Force.
The blade felt different, lighter. There was a twinge, the equivalent of a knowing smile, and the crystal calmed at his touch. Ben's jaw dropped in shock. In all previous instances, the picking up of the lightsaber had induced a furious battle of wills between himself and the crystal, both grappling for control.
But now, for the first time in a decade, Ben was holding a blade that accepted his soul.
He almost dropped it.
Through the vague and fleeting sensations he could pick up from the crystal, by far the most dominant was wiry amusement. It had read his soul and now deemed him worthy of seceding to. Deviously prolonging Ben's distress in the process.
He hadn't been duped like that in a long time.
Feeling young and vulnerable, Ben laughed in pure relief, clutching the familiar blade to his chest like a long lost friend.
"Umm… Ben?" Rey's questioning voice and raised brows brought him back to the moment. Behind her, he could see the bags packed and ready, then Rey's anxious yet patient face fully engaged him the moment. Her glowing, perfect face, he wanted to kiss her so badly. Instead, he stood abruptly, throwing on a bag and reaching for her hand, energy threatening to explode out of him if they held still.
"I'll explain while we walk."
First Order Shuttle, Ilum
The last few hours had been filled with an almost manic energy as Ben led at a break neck pace. Rey didn't mind though, it was interesting to push her physical boundaries in a variety of climates.
And the walk back had been graciously free of avalanches, though they did stumble upon some rather vicious, rat-bat-wolf creatures. Both of them were sporting a few scratches, the sting from the small, needle like claws lingering for hours.
"There'll be a well stocked med kit on my ship." Ben announced, panting, after they'd either scared off or killed most of the pack.
He was disheveled. The way the man fought was like a dirt devil, spinning wildly into one opponent, and then hurtling on to the next without pause. They were both slightly winded but Rey couldn't help grinning at his wheezing, sweaty form.
The dark warrior gave it all, regardless of the enemy. Rey could respect that.
But it was also inexplicably endearing.
Flicking damp hair out of his eyes, Ben deactivated the now gold-orange hued lightsaber.
It was shocking at first to both of them. Two halves of the creature falling slowly on other side of the stable, brilliantly light blade causing both to pause for a moment, absorbing the remarkable change.
But it made sense. Now that Ben had the full cooperation and allegiance of the Kyber crystal within his blade, it shone with a different color.
According to the texts Rey had read, saber color was entirely dependent on the wielders personality, a literal rainbow of possible shades.
"Do you know what that color means?" Rey asked after they'd finished, propping up her staff to lean against, still panting.
Ben pursed his lips, contemplating the hilt.
"No"
Lie.
The first lie he'd told her.
Rey opened her mouth with a frown, ready to confront him about it but then she hesitated. What if it's too personal? Would she want to explain that her blade color meant fear… or pain? Abandonment?
She closed her mouth again, moving past him into the dark tunnel with their portable lamp held aloft.
If he didn't want to share that was his choice.
"Well let's hope we don't run into those things again." She said just to say something and Ben followed her silently into the dark.
.
.
.
Ben seemed agitated as they paced, nervous energy radiating off him in infectious waves. It had Rey shooting glances at him and their surroundings. But there was nothing to see. For hours they marched in tense silence until Rey realized that this sporadic warrior was now her friend and partner. She could just ask him.
"What's got you so antsy?"
His eyes suddenly found the rock to the right of her ear absorbing.
"Nothing." He shrugged.
The second lie.
This time she didn't back down. She raised a speculative eyebrow at him and waited.
His deep, probing eyes met hers with zero emotional communication or openness, only a blank wall.
"You know, you don't owe me an explanation… but you could share what you're feeling." Rey suggested bluntly.
Again, Ben's eyes found the wall, as if looking at her was trying or painful. There was even a slight grimace on his face. "I will." He answered without looking at her. "I will once I understand what… once I can articulate… this. "He gestured helplessly at his chest. "I'll share it with you." His eyes locked with hers again and she could feel his sincere frustration. Frustration he felt for himself. Rey nodded. She knew what it felt like to not understand ones own emotional state.
Like the odd lingering heat that blossomed in her chest when his probing eyes remained fixed too long on hers.
Rey understood this was a generous promise for him to make and she found herself satisfied despite its ambiguity. Plus, his dark eyes were intent upon her again and she found with increasing frequency that his gaze held all sorts of promises.
She nodded with a gulp, "I understand, thank you." But there was so much she didn't understand. For some reason her gloved palms were sweating and the air felt to close.
Rey saw the hint of a curl form on Ben's lips as he took up the path again and she wondered if he'd made her feel that way on purpose.
.
.
.
The wind ripped at her luxurious down coat as the two shuttles came into view. Well, his was a shuttle. Hers was a posh smuggling vessel. Rey shook her head to herself at the dramatic change in fortune she'd had over the last few months. Guilt writhing in her belly at the thought of her friends, including the Yrashu, and all the work they'd done to supply and enable this trip.
It was a continual example for her, their generosity, their kindness. It made her want to strive to achieve a level of altruism where no deed was too great.
And so it was a simple matter to be patient with Ben. No matter his erratic behavior.
He was struggling with something, she could tell. Tension stiffened his broad shoulders, cords on his neck protruding slightly, his expressive and often forlorn eyes darting away from Rey's after the briefest contact.
His dark wavy locks seemed perpetually dampened around his face, giving him the look of a laborer, hard pressed at his job. She pictured him in the hollowed out tunnels of an ancient star-destroyer, maybe holding hands with her as they uncovered useful fragments.
Rey shook her head. What a silly fantasy.
The ramp to his shuttle lowered with a simple command from the key he'd carried with him. Ships weren't usually locked this way but Rey supposed things would be different for a Supreme Leader of the First Order.
Striding up the ramp, Rey threw back her hood with a content sigh, the stillness of the ship a welcome contrast to the howling wind.
"Make you're self at home," Ben said, gesturing to the workstation. "I imagine you'll want to get right to it." Lips twitching, his gaze once again caught hers before flicking away. Exasperation with his behavior was completely overshadowed by the fact that he was right, she was dying to start. A grin slowly grew to dominate her features and Ben smirked.
Turning to head into another part of the ship, he called out over his should. "I'll make us something real to eat."
But Rey didn't hear him. She was already running through a detailed lightsaber diagram she committed to memory a week ago and comparing that to the parts before her. Then she recalled the construction of Luke's saber in addition to Ben's and cross-referenced the data from the Jedi manuscripts with what's been clearly effective in combat.
Next she dug into an inner pocket to retrieve the schematics she'd devised with various possible lightsaber models, analyzing them with a critical eye.
Double-bladed sabers weren't even mentioned in the texts but theoretically the construction wouldn't be that divergent from Ben's oversized single blade or some of the old elongated Jedi blades.
Finally, Rey decided on a conglomerate saber construction that would be larger than anything she'd ever seen. It was ambitious but doable. Excitement took over her world as Rey began construction of her own lightsaber.
First Order Shuttle, Ilum
It wouldn't have taken long to whip up something edible but Ben wanted the first meal they shared together to be… special. Grimacing at his own foolishness, the dark warrior set to work in the shuttle's small excuse for a kitchen.
The ship had been prepped with a variety of goods. Imagining that a half-starved scavenger probably wasn't picky, Ben had simply requested an assorted bunch of fresh and rare foods. Colorful fruits and vegetables littered the counter while dark noodles softened in a boiling pot and meat from an animal he had never heard of stewed in the oven.
Ben took his time to get everything right. There was no rush; he knew Rey would take at least an hour to assemble the blade to her satisfaction.
He hoped it would be a double-blade. The idea of Rey wielding such a powerful weapon caused a headier wave of heat to wash over him than when he'd prematurely opened the oven door earlier.
The mind-numbing task of cutting things was doing nothing to distract from him from his uninhibited imagination. Damn that woman… even when she wasn't around he could still see her.
Rey smiling back at him with his blade in her hands… Rey assertive and powerful, fighting back those creatures with nothing but a staff…
"Oh!" That brought his musings, and his chopping, to a halt.
The small scratches littering their bodies, he had forgotten to tend to those. And no doubt Rey's injuries were more numerous as she'd been fighting with a dull weapon.
But then... she'd already started on the blade. Even if he did interrupt her now, she would refuse to stop the construction and rightly so. It was a precise art and should be handled with care and exactitude.
Ben resumed cutting the odd purple vegetable, contemplating the assorted antiseptics he should apply to wounds inflicted by rodents.
There was a particular cut on her neck that would need to be addressed…
There had been a cut on her arm, that day in the throne room. She had been so close to taking his hand, he knew it, but he was glad that she didn't. He never would have come to her this way if she hadn't stood her ground for the people she cared about.
Out of all the truths Ben knew about Rey, her devotion to loved ones was the thing that captivated him the most. It was simultaneously her greatest strength and weakness. It was responsible for both her self-imposed exile on Jakku and her victory over him on Starkiller base.
An enigma, that girl, she drew out the same duality in him. He wanted to simultaneously run towards and away from her. Gently caress her and challenge her to a brawl. The idea of them dueling together increased the temperature in the room by several degrees.
Rey wielding his blade… the way she'd felt laying in his arms, the suggestion of her slender hips through the thick blue coat, her alluring aroma: a beguiling combination of earthy scents and the rich tang of oil and metal…
Not to mention the soothing, gentle touch of her mind, which would caress him as auspicious and fleeting as a winter flower. She was quickly driving his senses crazy.
But how was he supposed to tell her that? "Sorry but being around you is at once the most agonizing and the most incredible joy I've ever experienced?"
That didn't even make sense to him.
The water in the pot behind him began to boil over and as he turned the temperature down, he felt an elated pulse of energy come from Rey.
It was finished then.
Ben hurriedly took the meat out of the oven, where it had been ready and steaming for the last few minutes, while he simultaneously strained the dark brown noodles through direct concentration of the Force.
He could both hear and sense her approach as she strode down the metal hallway. She was beaming; a large hilt grasped in her deft fingers.
"It's perfect." She announced jubilantly, holding it up for his inspection over the counter.
Carefully plucking it's weight out of her hands, Ben marveled at the craftsmanship. She must have already had a design prepared because the construction was both flawlessly elegant and efficient. He shot her a questioning look, thumb poised over the activation switch and she nodded with a smile.
Ben ignited the blade and a silvery-grey light washed over the room, mirroring impeccably the glow in Rey's own soul. He let it sit there for a moment, unabashedly observing her across the twin blades and her eyes embodied deep pools he could lose himself in.
"You're right," He stated, deactivating the blade. "It is perfect." He stood and circled the counter to hand the heavy hilt back to her and she took it with a sunny grin.
"The handling will take some getting used to but I certainly wont mind the practice," She confidently hefted it's weight before clipping it to her belt. Ben's eyes followed the line of her waist, now free of the coat, and up to the injury at her neck.
"We should deal with this," He said carefully placing his index and pointer finger on her collarbone.
"Oh!" Her hand flew up to the shallow cut and came away red. "I completely forgot about those. You have a few too." She lifted a hand to stroke the shell of his ear near where he assumed a cut was.
The kitchen was hot. Being around her made it ten times worse but he couldn't move his feet. Ben absentmindedly ran his fingers up the side of her neck and was rewarded with her slight intake of breath and parted lips. He felt her soft wandering fingers find their way to the skin of his forehead before her digits combed back his thick locks with satisfying slowness. Ben's eyes drifted shut involuntarily. It was such a soothing action but it intensified the heat nonetheless. A second hand came up to rest on his chest and someone on Jakku could probably hear his heartbeat.
"I made food." He choked out past a dry throat, eyes still shut.
"It smells wonderful." He could her the smile in her voice but her hands didn't pull away. He had to break the spell, he had to, or they'd never see to their injuries.
Infection was a serious issue.
Ben's eyes flicked open reluctantly. "We should tend to these cuts properly, then eat before it gets cold."
Her beautiful, graceful neck was still in his hand and her beautiful, cheerful smile was till in place.
"That sounds perfect."
AN: OOOhh! Things are gonna get spicy!
Shout out to DamnGina (couldn't PM ya): Thanks so much for the review! It really rejuvenated my spirit for this chapter. For that scene I wanted to play on people's expectations for common "new couple" tropes, as these guys are far from typical. Glad you noticed J